


Strawberry Wine

by Milarca, RanebowStitches



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: 1880s, Alternate Universe - No Homophobia, Alternate Universe - No Zombies, Alternate Universe - Vampires, Angst with a Happy Ending, Biting, Blood Drinking, Bondage, Cuddling, Deepthroating, Domesticity, Exhibitionism, Fluff, Frottage, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Light Stockholm Syndrome, M/M, Pining, Power Dynamics, Sexual Repression, Slow Burn, Smut, Vampire!Negan, Wild West, alternate universe - wild west
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2019-07-02 13:37:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 180,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15797628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milarca/pseuds/Milarca, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RanebowStitches/pseuds/RanebowStitches
Summary: When animals are found mysteriously drained of blood around the sleepy town of Desert Springs, Sheriff Rick Grimes ventures out to the homesteader Negan’s remote cabin looking for answers. Unfortunately for him, he exhumes a dark secret that he wishes would have stayed buried, deep,deepin the hills of California.





	1. Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So this is a collaborative/roleplay fic written by Milarca (me) and my awesome friend RanebowStitches~ I write Rick and she writes Negan, though we also write other characters which we will mention and add to the tags as we go. We estimate right now that this fic will be about 30 chapters, and will also be Part I of III! Part I is complete and we have most of Part II written so that’s definitely happening, and we’ll see how Part III shapes up when we get there! :-) Anywho please enjoy chapter 1~

**Tuesday, April 19th, 1881**

Rick knows he shouldn't be doing this. He's a sheriff, not a detective. Of course out here in the _wild, wild west_... there aren't any detectives. So it's him or… let more cattle be mysteriously drained of blood? Ignore the problem? Rick's never been good at ignoring a problem that he sees. That's why he became the sheriff. Well, and the fact that the last one had up and died... bit by a rattlesnake no less.

So here he is, riding out to who-knows-what-his-last-name-is Negan's homestead, looking for blood or signs of witchcraft or untold horrors… The sun is high, _high_ in the sky and Rick thinks that'll be enough to protect him, if his suspicions are correct. 

Now… Rick wouldn't have suspected Negan of being anything other than human for any reason except he's never out in the daytime. The only time Rick ever heard of him doing that he was in so much of a rush it was hard to tell it was even him. He had been wearing a wide-brimmed hat and he went into the butcher, got what he needed, and left without saying more than an "afternoon" - with that curious smile of his - to Rick on his way down the road. Usually, he comes out at dusk to do his business, maybe stays for a bit in the saloon to socialize, and then heads back to his cabin even before the night deepens. But why does he always come then? As far as Rick knows his only occupation is hunting and trapping, which is usually done in the day, and everybody knows that dusk is the most dangerous time to travel, even the short distance up into the hills. It just doesn't make sense.

And Rick isn't one for fairy tales. But his momma raised him on a healthy dose of fiction as well as fact, and the fact is that he knows the stories of vampires and he knows that this problem only started when Negan showed up, nearly six months ago. Nobody else suspects him, and whenever Rick brings it up all he gets is laughed at. "A vampire?" they say, " _What nonsense._ Ridiculous. _Negan?_ That man wouldn't hurt a fly. He's charmed all the old ladies in the town with sweet talkin' and half the young things to boot." Well. They can say that all they like. 

Rick takes his time, shushing his mare Daisy and glancing at the ground as he walks, eyes shooting up every few minutes as he approaches the cabin. It's set in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada mountains and as such is comfortably surrounded by prickly pine trees. There's a barn to the side and an outhouse out back, Rick knows. He's been here before. To welcome Negan into the neighborhood, mostly. But never with this business. 

At first he had a mind to go at night, but realized quickly how stupid an idea _that_ was. No, going in the day was the best thing to do. 

Rick dismounts and takes Daisy's bridle in his hand, petting her muzzle and walking her up to the house. He has an idea that he might still be acting brash, but it's the middle of the day. If Negan _is_ a vampire, what could he possibly do besides shoot at him? And Rick _knows_ that he's a better shot than the older man. Especially if the sun is blinding Negan and scorching his skin. Rick's safe, that's for sure.

He ties Daisy's halter loosely to the first post of the fence surrounding the buildings and walks into the yard. He doesn't hear or see any movement, so he looks around the barn. It's clean with piles of hay in each stall but empty except for a few cats. He wants to check around the back but suddenly he feels the hair on the back of his neck stand up - and he knows that he isn't alone anymore.

...

Six months. Negan's been living next to the quiet town for six months. Before this, he'd found a place on the front lines of the Civil War, fighting for the North. He didn't care about the squabbles of humans; not anymore, but he'd been in Illinois at the time and got recruited. His 'ferociousness' in battle earned him quite a rank though, and he left with many medals. Just as he did in the war before that. And the one before that.

War was a good cover for him, allowing him to gorge himself if he chose with no questions asked.

But he was tired. He wanted to settle down for a few decades. Stop changing his name for the time being. There'd be more wars. Humans were humans. 

He chose the town of Desert Springs because of the seclusion. It's small. Less people for him to convince and keep up a facade around. Less people to bug him. It's close to a forest which is good for hunting and hiding, and the small creek running next to his house spouts from a spring not very far away. Perfect, had he still been human.

Negan spends his days sleeping, and his nights hunting or hanging out at the saloon. He does enjoy the company of the people in the town, but he appreciates having his space as well. He's made it clear to the townsfolk that visitors are _not_ welcome.

Negan's currently deep asleep in his bed, Lucille his wolf curled next to him keeping watch, her heavy head resting on his stomach. His coffin is buried beneath the bed, under the floorboards. He doesn't need it, was technically never buried in it, but it holds sentimental value to him and reminds him of his sire.

He stirs when Lucille lifts her head suddenly, starting to growl deep in her chest. He groans and cracks an eye open to look at her in the dark room. It's definitely not evening yet. If it was another squirrel, he _swore_ he was gonna— 

" _Man_." Lucille lets out a low chuff, her ears swiveling, listening to the sounds outside. Negan frowns and hums. Who would dare venture to his homestead?

"Go," he says, and Lucille is on her feet and out the back door before he even has time to sit up. She blinks in the sunlight, but it doesn't deter her as she follows her ears and nose. There's a man, and a horse. She licks her lips and follows the man's smell. He's in the barn.

She makes her way quickly and quietly, large paws soft on the hot dirt beneath them. She's in the door of the barn, staring at the man, for a good moment before she can smell the sudden fear rolling off of him. She growls loudly and bares her teeth, head down, snarling. Rick cries out and _jolts_ , grabbing his colt and pointing it directly between the eyes of the wolf as the thing growls and snaps at him. The cats in the barn all stand and arch their back, glaring at Rick as well. The wolf is _huge_. Is it a wolf? Or is it a dog? It can't be a dog. It's just too goddamn big. Its head goes up to Rick's chest and its body is the size of a boar, or a cougar. Rick didn't even realize that Negan had a dog. _Shit_. He should have suspected. He should have _known_. He curses himself savagely as the wolf bares its teeth at him, eyes like fire and brimstone.

Lucille takes a step towards Rick, when suddenly a musical two-toned whistle rings out through the air. Her ears flick towards it. _Master_.

Rick pauses, ears pricking just like the wolf's did. But then the wolf stalks into the barn and starts to circle him slowly, and he has to violently push down the fear bubbling up in his chest as he turns with it. He can't show weakness. Not here. Not to this thing. The wolf's jowls drip with slobber, and Rick shivers. She stops when she's on his opposite side, facing the barn door. She growls and snaps at his heels, trying to encourage him to walk out of the barn and back towards the house. He yelps when she snaps at his ankles. He can't _help_ it _goddammit!_

" _Hey!"_ he calls out desperately - to Negan, he hopes. " _Call off your dog!_ It's the sheriff!" Rick cries, eyes not leaving the beast.

Negan stands on his porch, covered by the shingled roof that overhangs it. He has a shotgun in his hands, looking towards his barn, waiting to see what Lucille drags out. He whistles again as he checks his bullets.

Rick realizes quickly that the wolf wants him out the barn. Okay, fine. He backs up slowly, watching it as it walks forward. It really is huge. And it seems to get bigger as it approaches. It seems nearly as big as a _bear_.

"Alright, alright," he hisses to the wolf, as if it can understand him. As if it'll back down now that he intends to do as it wants. 

There's a second whistle as he's backing out of the barn into the noonday sun and a shiver ripples fiercely up his spine. He doesn't want to turn away from the wolf but… that must be Negan. No, he can't he _can't_ — He continues to back up out of the barn, trying not to show fear. His heart pounds hard in his chest, his pulse thick in his ears and his gun quivering in his hands. He's about to bark up at Negan to call off his attack dog again, but the words are stuck in his throat. He takes in lungfuls of air as he stares at the wolf, as its eyes bore into his skull and its teeth glint razor-sharp and deadly in the sunlight. 

Negan's eyebrows raise to his hairline as he sees none other than _Sheriff Rick Grimes_ backing out of his barn. He can practically smell the fear rolling off the man. A smirking grin winds over his face as Lucille herds Rick closer. _Delightful_. Negan wonders what exactly this visit is about, and is curious why Rick went to his barn instead of coming to his front door.

Lucille snaps at Rick's feet again, almost like she's trying to get him to yelp again, and Rick stumbles back slightly but manages to keep himself from doing anything other than making a low, cut-off noise in the back of his throat in surprise. He glares at the wolf, knowing by now it's just playing with him. 

"Oh, howdy, Sheriff!" Negan calls out when he knows Rick is within hearing distance. He lets his gun fall to his side, slack. No good would come from shooting the lawman. Even Negan would have trouble covering that one up. 

Rick's head jerks back as he hears Negan finally call over. He hears him move - can possibly place the sound of a gun in his hands. Rick takes a breath as if he's ready to reply but then Negan continues— 

"Sorry about Lucille there. She don't take kindly to strangers, especially when they're poking their noses where they don't need to be." The thinly veiled insult is sharp on Negan's tongue. He chuckles, watching Lucille's tail perk up at her name.

Rick feels blood rushing to his neck in annoyance and he sets his mouth into a thin line. Oh, he was poking around, alright. But he had good reason. The welfare of this town is more than enough reason for him to be taking a look out in some stranger's yard.

Negan gives a sharp whistle, different from before, and Lucille immediately drops her aggressive stance. 

Rick starts, as suddenly it - _Lucille?_ she? - looks just like a regular dog, almost. Her head comes up and her tail wags and her tongue lolls from her mouth. Rick exhales shakily, unsettled and suspicious. She's still growling lowly at him, but Negan calls her and she bounds up to the porch to him. Rick nearly has a heart attack moving away from her. 

Negan kneels down, setting his gun down on the porch, and starts to rub at Lucille's cheeks and neck, his hands getting lost in her thick black fur. "Oh, good girl, Lucille! You got him! Yeah! Good girl!" Negan coos and Lucille chuffs in what sounds like doggy laughter, thumping her tail on the wooden porch in happiness.

It's then that Rick can look up past the wide brim of his hat up to the house. He watches Negan standing nonchalantly on the porch and then kneeling down with a smile on his face and petting the monster. Rick pushes back his shoulders and drops his gun. He sees the long handgun leaning against the handrail of the porch, and his lips nearly curl into a snarl when he sees the drifter sink his hand into the wolf's dark pelt.

Negan stands back up and looks out at Rick. He crosses his arms over his chest and raises an eyebrow. "So, Sheriff, what can I do you for on this fine afternoon?" He smiles, his teeth gleaming even in the shadows.

Rick slaps a smile onto his face and touches his hat. "Howdy, Negan," he says, showing his teeth in a tense smile as he tries to act friendly. He walks up to the porch but stops at the foot of the steps leading up to the cabin. The wolf's large ears shift over to him and he can feel the subtle tension radiating off of Negan just below the surface of his supposed calm. The fact that it took him so long to call off his dog is a black mark against him as far as Rick can see. 

"That's a beautiful dog. Lucille you said her name was?" Rick shifts slightly and looks up. "How've you been lately? I know you keep to yourself mostly." He keeps an eye on the dog that's now panting and looking at him benignly - but with a glint in its clear eyes. "I don't know if you've heard about the cattle deaths?" Rick keeps his tone easy and non-judgemental. "I'm just doing a check through of everybody's properties to see that we didn't miss anything that could possibly tell us what's happening. We're not suspicious of anyone. We're worried they're gettin' sick somehow, maybe getting into some poisonous plants." He puts on a desperate, troubled air. "Do you… mind if I look around?" 

Negan nods as Rick talks, not answering his questions, just staring him down and tapping his fingers on his arms. He grimaces as Rick mentions the cattle. Oh, yes. Negan knows about that. He tries being careful, only taking little bits at a time, but those damn cows just can't hold up for more than a week. Luckily, one cow'll last him quite a while and he can use smaller animals in between, but it's a hassle. What he _needs_ is human blood, but what he _doesn't_ need that kind of risk around him. It was easy to cover up and convince people of strange cow diseases. It's harder when it was people getting sick. He'd tried it before. Humans are just too panicky.

He shifts his weight on his feet. "Yeah, I heard about the cows. Shame really." He shakes his head and tries to look empathetic. He knows there's nothing that Rick could have on him. Nothing that he can find that he could use to condemn Negan. Why not let the man poke around? "Go ahead and look around, Sheriff. I ain't got nothin' to hide," he says, smiling and gesturing with his arm out to his land. He wonders if he should escort Rick just in case, but that might raise Rick's suspicions. If he asks, Negan'll go with him, but he wasn't about to offer himself. Especially not with the afternoon sun blazing. All he wants is for this man to leave so he can go back to bed.

Rick nods. "Thank you," he says, and then pauses. He isn't sure if he should ask Negan to come along with him. He'd certainly be curious to know how the man fares in steady daylight. But he also isn't sure he wants the big black stupid mutt to come along with them, sniffing around him the whole time. "I won't be long." He gives Negan a smile and a tip of his hat, eyeing Lucille cautiously and heading back down into the barn. 

Negan nods to Rick and watches him walk off.

Once Rick's out of sight of Negan and in the coolness of the outbuilding, Rick sighs a breath of relief. Negan himself doesn't scare him, but if Rick's right then… he doesn't want to be around him alone for very long. If he finds something… he wants to use that as evidence to take Negan in. 

Negan waits until Rick's in the barn before he turns to Lucille. "Follow him, but be nice," he tells her, scratching at the base of her ear. Her back leg twitches in pleasure and she gives Negan an affirmative huff, licking his hand before trotting off towards the barn, the picture of a friendly and playful dog.

Negan smirks and heads back inside. He won't go back to sleep, not yet. Not until he knows Rick's off his property for good. He figures he should keep up looks for the time being and goes to his pantry, pulling out the lemons he'd recently bought at the general store. He kept a small supply of human items, just in case things like this happened, and to keep up appearances in the town. He sometimes told himself it's a waste of money, but it's not like it'd be running out anytime soon, and, now, he can make lemonade. Negan hums as he begins cutting and squeezing the lemons into a glass pitcher, keeping an ear out for any news from Lucille.

Meanwhile, Lucille's found Rick in the barn again, but this time she barks softly at him when she sees him. Rick jumps back and makes a surprised noise when he hears her and her tongue lolls out as she pants, a big doggy grin on her face. Rick grabs his gun but doesn't take it out of its holster, watching her every movement. She gets closer to him and he groans but he tries to stay calm as she wags her tail and sniffs his hand. Rick's family had a dog when he was a kid but it was a mean animal and he's never been too fond of them. This big one - definitely more like a wolf than anything - he's even less likely to trust. Oh, he puts up with them around town because everyone has one, but he's secretly more comfortable around cats. Dogs are good protectors but they also get in the way and bark and drool all the time. Lucille nuzzles her head on his hand, and then barks again as she looks up at him, expecting pets.

Rick jerks and backs away from her, fearful. He just wants to look around here without being followed around by a large dog, but of course he didn't really expect that he could. He keeps his hand on his gun and listens intently to her movement and for any sign of Negan as he checks around the barn. 

There are a few open stalls and a workshop area with tools of all sorts. All look used but Rick can't see anything amiss or any blood on any of them. He checks the floor for secret doors and looks up into the low rafters. He investigates the stalls and pokes around the old hay. He checks the timber walls for any hidden compartments but comes up clean. In the corner of his eye he keeps track of the dog - he can hear her panting and watching him. 

Relieved but by no means deterred, he goes through the small building out the back door to check the rear of the two buildings. There's grass and bare earth and some rusted farming equipment leaning up against the side, but nothing out of the ordinary. Dappled sunlight gives the area a warm, earthy, calm feel. But it still doesn't seem right. And is it just him or can he not hear any birds suddenly from here? He sighs and looks up at the house, at the window and the chimney high up on the other side. He taps his gun, and looks around at the rest of the property, thinking. 

Lucille keeps up with Rick, watching him. She can tell he isn't fond of her, not that she cares, but Negan'd told her to be nice, so she's trying her best. When Rick pauses out back, she sits down by him, her tail wagging in the dirt. She gives a soft bark, looking up at the new man again.

... 

Negan's just finishing adding the sugar to the glass pitcher when he hears Lucille's bark from out back. It doesn't sound like anything's amiss. She's just letting him know where they are. He hums and brings the pitcher to his icebox, filling it with the cool melted water that's runoff from the ice block at the top. Grabbing a tall spoon, he stirs the drink until most of the sugar's dissolved. He can't test it to see if it's good, but he's following a recipe that one of the old ladies in town gave him, so he can only assume it's good. He grabs two tall glass and heads back out front.

Setting the pitcher and glasses down on the table, he sits down in one of the rocking chairs that sit on either side. He fills the glass closest to him only about half way and then settles back to wait.

...

Rick glances back at the wolf irritably. He's still angry at her for barking at him and rounding him up so violently. And what, now she's a sweetheart? _I don't think so._ He narrows his eyes and shakes his head when he hears her bark again. Just as he does, he catches sight of a creek a little way away through the trees. 

He looks back up at the house - checking for stillness - and then creeps quietly through the trees over to it. It's a medium-sized brook running through the property down from the mountains, maybe four feet deep or more. There are smooth stones all along the bank and into the clear water… except in one spot. He looks back down to the house and then up it. 

Huh. 

That's strange. 

There's some reddish soil a little way up the brook. Rick glances back to the house quickly and then back up before he walks cautiously towards the patch. It's unmistakably red clay. 

Lucille follows from a distance as Rick goes to the creek, and hangs back and watches him carefully from the shadows of the trees. Something about the way he's looking about himself nervously sets her on edge. When he reaches down and picks up a handful of dirt, pocketing it, she knows something's not right.

Rick's mind flashes back to the previous day when he'd inspected one of the dead cows. There had been red clay in the boot marks by the poor animal. Not very much, but it hadn't been hard to spot up close. At the time he'd just thought it had been regular mud tracked over by the culprit, but there wasn't any of that kind of mud around there, and he really hasn't seen this kind of gritty red silt anywhere else in the town. This is definitely its source. 

Rick's heart beats faster. This is… this is definitely proof that Negan was by the cow that died. Rick wished he'd noticed that detail before when he'd inspected the other cows, but he hadn't been paying that close attention. Though now that he thinks about it he remembers his deputy Carol saying something about that and him not paying much attention to it. Red dirt? That could have come from anywhere. But it really couldn't have. Not around here. Not a red like this. It's almost as red as… blood. 

Keeping his breathing even, Rick swallows thickly. Carefully and without getting any on his own boots, he reaches down and scoops some of the dry mud into his pocket and then cleans his hands off in the brook. He takes a few mouthfuls of the cool, sweet water while he's at it and rubs some on the back of his neck. 

Standing, he takes a cursory look around the creek and rest of the forest for anything else that might be suspicious, even though he knows he has the evidence he needs. He doesn't see anything else out of the ordinary, so he takes a few more calming breaths and heads back to the cabin. 

The sun's getting a little lower in the sky but Rick knows he still has lots of time before evening. 

He finds Negan on one of the rocking chairs on the porch with two glasses on the table between them. He nods at Negan and walks up to the steps but stops just before them, not wanting to make him suspicious. 

Lucille had followed Rick silently back to the house, and now pushes past him when he doesn't go up the stairs, making him startle slightly and frown down at her without meaning to. She curls up next to Negan on the porch and chuffs out, " _Creek. Dirt._ " Negan reaches down to pet her and Rick looks at her coolly, but then regains his calm.

"Well, I'm happy to say that your property looks clear of any dangerous plants that the cows could have gotten into," he says with a tip of his hat. "I did a check around the place and didn't find anything else I think could have been a danger to them, either." He nods and takes a breath, calm and collected. 

Negan rubs Lucille's fur as Rick tells him that he found nothing. Well, obviously he'd found dirt, but Negan doesn't understand what that means, and he can't ask Lucille to clarify, right now anyway. He hums, nods, and flashes a smile at Rick.

"Well, that's good," he says. "Before you go, Sheriff, would you like to join me for a glass of lemonade? It's nice and cold, and I'm sure you've just been baking in that sun." 

_Lemonade?_ You'd think that if Negan were a vampire, he wouldn't have any food in his house. But, then again, Rick has seen him around town buying various things including groceries. It could all just be an act. "Oh, I won't take up any more of your time…" he said with a smile.

Negan picks up the pitcher and pours a full glass for Rick, setting it back down and gesturing to the other chair. "Please. I insist."

Rick winces, and knows as soon as Negan says 'please' that he won't be able to help caving into politeness, even if he desperately wants to ride out of there as fast as he can. "Alright," he says, trying not to let his trepidation show on his face. 

Negan just smiles. Good. He was afraid he was going to have to _convince_ Rick to stay. 

Rick walks up the steps and sits down in the empty chair and takes the full glass from the table. As he does so he meets Negan's eye. The man is deceptively kind looking. The smile reaches his eyes and his short beard is a pleasing grey and silver. Rick can't help but notice that his hair is thick and black and glossy - not unlike his wolf's fur. However, up close, Rick thinks that he can also pick up on some hidden paleness. But it's difficult to tell. 

"Thank you," he says, holding the glass in Negan's direction for a moment before taking a drink of it. He feels like he probably shouldn't be doing this but also… it would raise suspicion if he didn't, and that's more dangerous than wanting to leave quickly. Negan has a gun and Rick doesn't want to do anything to make him think he's being threatened. 

Negan studies Rick as he sits and takes the glass. When Rick toasts his glass at him, Negan's eyes zero in on the man's hands. Specifically his nails, and that red dirt is embedded under them.

The lemonade is just as cold and refreshing as Negan says it'll be, though it does taste just this side of sour. Rick resists the urge to purse his lips and tsk at the taste. 

Negan quickly looks back up at Rick's face as he takes a drink, eyes following the bob in his Adam's apple as the liquid travels down his throat.

' _Dirt_ ,' Lucille'd told him. The dirt by the creek is rich in red clay, and it's the _only_ place in the valley that Negan's ever seen it. If Rick had picked some of it up, it was for a reason. A reason that he was declining to tell Negan. A reason that incriminated him. Negan's been around long enough; he can put the pieces together easily. He must've tracked some of the clay with him when he went to feed. A small detail, but _Rick_ had apparently picked up on it. Well. Negan can't let him leave, now can he? That kind of evidence will condemn him for sure, and well, he actually likes living here. He's not ready to pack up and move, thank you very much.

"How is it?" he asks, nodding towards the lemonade. He rolls his feet on the wooden floor of the porch and starts rocking back and forth in his chair. It creaks like a steady metronome. 

"It's very good," Rick says. He's lying of course, but he'd never say someone else's food was bad. His mother raised him better than that.

"Got the recipe from Old Lady Josie," Negan says, and Rick looks over at him. "Everyone swears it's the best, but truthfully, I'm not too sure." He shrugs. "I think the people in this town have weird tastes." He laughs, all teeth.

Rick purses his lips. He knows Josie, and even though he's been in this town for about twenty years, she's always been _Old Lady Josie_. She's always been the sweetest, as have the rest of the townsfolk. Rick's about to say something, but then Negan laughs and Rick gets a glimpse of his teeth and - is it just him? - or are Negan's canine teeth sharper than they should be? Rick stares at him, unable to look away and suddenly feeling like he's in very, very real danger. 

Negan reaches down and flicks Lucille's ear a couple times. She shakes her head and huffs, but stands and walks over to stand in front of Rick, resting her heavy head right in his lap and pinning him down. Rick yelps in surprise, gripping the armrest of the chair with his free hand as she moves her head between his legs - and rests her muzzle down on his lap. Her head is massive and heavy and Rick freezes in shock. She looks up at him with pleading puppy dog eyes. 

"Negan-Negan, could you please tell your dog to—"

"Aww, now would you look at that. Lucille likes ya!" Negan chuckles.

Rick's laughter is high pitched, and he's about to ask again when Negan cuts him off once more—

"You better pet her. If you don't, she'll stay there until you _fall asleep_." Negan's eyes flash red as he pushes his vampiric influence into his voice at the end of his sentence, focusing it on Rick. He uses a bit more power than what he usually uses for the ordinary townsfolk. Rick is different; Negan's known that since he first came to the town. He wasn't about to underestimate the Sheriff. Negan licks his lip, waiting to see the results.

Rick blinks, his focus going blurry and his face, slack. He feels very heavy and tired all of a sudden and he doesn't know why. He feels his grip on his drink slipping and he tries to stop it but he can't seem to do it. The drink falls to the porch and shatters in a sparkling array of glass and lemonade, the liquid dripping between the cracks in the wood. Negan tsks. He liked that glass.

" _Nn—_ " 

Rick struggles against the feeling, gripping at the chair and tensing uselessly, but he can't fight it. His last thoughts before he slips into unconsciousness are of his kids, and how he can't let this monster get away and possibly harm them. He'd do anything. He _will_ do anything to prevent that from happening. 

  


  


  


  


  



	2. Captured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick finds himself in an unpleasant situation...

Lucille pulls away from Rick once he's asleep, turning back to Negan and putting her head in his lap instead. He reaches forward and ruffles her fur, kissing her head. "Good girl, Lucille! I'll get you something special for a treat tonight, huh?" She barks softly and Negan grins, placing one more kiss to her head before pushing her off and standing.

Negan looms over Rick's unconscious body and lets out a sigh. "First, we gotta deal with this." He had really hoped he could avoid something like this here. He does feel badly for doing this to Rick. He might have been able to just alter his memory but... Rick knew too much. It might have seriously injured him. This way, at least he gets to live, for _now_... And Negan can have a little fun before he decides what to do with him permanently.

" _Eat!"_ Lucille woofs, bouncing, her nails clacking on the wooden porch.

"No, no…" Negan shakes his head, eyes roaming over Rick. He smirks. "Well… maybe a little. In due time." With that, Negan reaches forward and picks the other man up easily, throwing him over his shoulder. Rick's hat falls to the porch, and Negan crouches down to pick it up, examining it. That reminds him... "Lucy, be a dear and get me my hat."

She pushes the door open, runs inside, and grabs Negan's hat from where it hangs on the wall, running back out to hand it to him. He takes it with a "thank you" and places it on his head before continuing down his stairs and into the barn, Lucille on his heels.

He moves to the farthest stall from the front door, setting Rick down outside of it for a moment and hanging Rick's hat on a nail sticking out from a nearby post. Negan gathers up the hay from the stall next door and throws it over the short dividing wall, doubling the amount in the far stall. _Cozy_.

He picks Rick up again, laying him down on the hay, and begins searching him. Firstly, Negan removes Rick's gun holster and bullet belt, tossing it out of the stall. He does the same with his regular belt as well. Poking through Rick's pockets, he finds a handful of the red dirt from near the creek and a small knife. He pockets the knife for himself.

Moving down, he pulls off Rick's boots, tossing them back by the belts, before moving back up and popping the button on Rick's pants, sliding those off as well. He throws those and moves to check Rick's torso. Negan plucks the gold star from Rick's chest and pockets it, along with the pocket watch he finds in his vest pocket. Carefully, he unbuttons Rick's vest, working it off him, before doing the same with his long-sleeve shirt.

When he's done, Negan's left Rick in his undershirt, long underwear, and socks. He looks down at him for a moment, resting his palm on Rick's chest. It rises and falls softly. The heart that lies within thrums steadily. Rick is warm and alive. Leaning forward and resting his ear against Rick's chest, Negan closes his eyes to the sound of Rick’s heartbeat. _Fantastic_. Negan can feel his mouth watering, but he pulls back. Not yet.

He goes to his workbench and grabs a couple lengths of rope, moving back to Rick. Negan securely ties the end of separate ropes to Rick's wrists before working him into a kneeling position. He has Lucille come over and help hold Rick up while he ties off the other end of the ropes low down on posts on either side, pulling Rick's arms out tight. Rick wouldn't be able to move much once he woke. Once he's got both arms done, he calls Lucille back and admires his handiwork.

Rick's on his knees, head slumped forward, arms out like he's been crucified. Negan steps forward, lifting Rick's head and running his thumbs over his cheeks. As he admires him, Negan licks his lips. _Beautiful_.

Negan gathers up Rick's stuff and walks out of the barn. He spots Rick's horse, still tied up at his fence, and frowns. Can't have that. He sets the stuff down on the porch, telling Lucille to wait there, before walking calmly over to the horse, hands out. He clicks his tongue at the mare. " _Calm_ ," he commands, the same he had used on the cows, as he lets his hand rest on the bridge of her nose for a moment. Daisy's curious about Negan but not afraid, though any nervousness she'd felt at his appearance is soothed by his words. Negan smiles at her and unhooks her reins, leading her to the barn. He puts her in the first stall, hangs up her saddle and bridle, and locks the gate as he leaves the stall.

He looks up and down the barn. This is the most use he's ever gotten out of it - actually housing two things in it. Negan chuckles. It's kind of exciting, but all he wants to do right now is go back to bed. He picks up Rick's stuff again and heads inside. He goes out of the barn, closing the door and walking back to the house. He dumps the items, including what he had pocketed, onto the dining table before moving back into his room and collapsing into the bed with a groan. Lucille pads her way in, taking Negan's hat off him and hanging it back on the wall, before climbing into the bed and resting her head on his back. Her ears stay alert as she keeps on watch.

...

Rick wakes a while later with a soft groan. His lips are dry, and he feels parched. He looks around and then jerks when he realizes he's in his underclothes and his arms are pulled to either side, tied at the wrist by rope to heavy beams. A little frantically, he tries to stand but the rope tugs on his wrists so that he can't push himself up more than a foot. He slumps back down and inhales quickly, shivering bodily as a breeze blows through the barn. 

What…? His head is throbbing and all he wants to do is rub it. He looks at the ropes again incredulously, tugging on them again for good measure. Negan… tied him up? And took his _clothes?_ Rick swallows thickly, trying to quell the panic rising in his chest. He looks out the stall door as much as he can while leaning forward until the ropes bite painfully into his wrists, but he can't see much of anything besides some kind of workbench. He thinks he can see warm light spilling onto the dirt floor; maybe the back door's open? It's not night, but it's getting there. He doesn't have his pocket watch - he can't see any of his clothes in the immediate area - so he can't tell the time, but he guesses it's somewhere around early evening. 

He wants a glass of water. Rick shakes his head and his hair falls in his face. He shakes it again but now it's stuck there. Huffing in annoyance, he looks at the ropes again. The knots look sturdy, and he can't reach them anyway. 

In the quiet, suddenly, he hears a noise. Snuffing. A horse? Rick knows that Negan doesn't have a horse, so that must be Daisy. Rick brightens, grasping at anything familiar, but then the feeling turns bitter. 

" _Christ_ ," he growls. He should have thought this out. He should have come more prepared. Now here he is, strung up like a ham just waiting to be sliced into sections. But why didn't Negan just kill him? Just take what he wanted and dump his body up the mountain? The answer comes to him too quickly, and it makes his blood run cold. _He wants to play with him._ Rick can only imagine… 

And he must have been right. Negan somehow… somehow saw the dirt. He— 

His fingernails. It's so obvious. He looks at his nails and curses again. He thought he got all of it, but he supposes that Negan's eyesight is just better. If he actually is a vampire. 

_Hell_. 

Rick swallows uncomfortably. He has no idea where Negan is or when he'll be back. Or what he plans on doing with him _when_ he gets back. 

And Rick's… totally vulnerable. He doesn't have his gun or his clothes or even his _hands_ , and it's getting more and more difficult for him to not succumb to outright fear and panic. He wonders if he should call for help, but he knows, right now, where they are, that nobody would hear him. It took him twenty minutes just to get here by horse, and the surrounding area is thickly forested with conifers that would muffle any sounds. And he doesn't want to draw any attention to himself if Negan's around. Not like he supposes it matters. He can't escape from these ropes and he'll die if Negan just leaves him here. Ten minutes or an hour left here doesn't matter if Negan's coming back at some point.

Rick shifts so that he's sitting crossways, trying to relieve the pressure on his knees. His shoulders drop and he sighs heavily. His arms hurt and he's thirsty.

And his _kids_ , oh god his _kids_. What'll happen to Carl and Judith if he's out here? When he probably _dies_ out here? He knows that if worst comes to worst, Lori'll come back from her teaching job way out wherever she is, but that doesn't mean he wants his kids to feel abandoned. Rick doesn't want them to not have a _father_. He nearly makes a choked noise of desperation, but holds it back just in time. He can't think about that right now. He can't or he'll lose his mind. 

He takes a few calming breaths and looks back at the ropes. Furiously, he tugs and twists them, but the rough rope quickly starts to flay his skin enough to sting. Whining in frustration, he drops his arms in defeat. 

Rick shivers again and wishes Negan would just come on and get it over with already. 

...

Lucille's ears twitch as the soft sound of hay being disturbed comes floating to her. She lifts her head slowly. It could just be the horse. Intently listening, she, hears more shuffling, and a soft whine. _Hmm_. She thinks she better check it out. Negan is still asleep, but she doesn't think he needs to wake up. This, she can handle.

Moving off the bed, Lucille trots out the front door and onto the porch. The sun hasn't gone all the way down, so Negan won't be waking just yet, but soon he will be. She makes her way around the back of the barn and walks in through the open door. Rick's stall is the first one on her right, and the gate is wide open. She moves in front of it and sits down, staring at him. _Oh boy. He's awake._

At first, Rick doesn't hear her, but when he does he feels like he's been doused in cold water. "No, no, no…" he pleads to no one as he gets on his knees again, shaking his head and straining back and down on the ropes. His breath comes in fearful, shaky inhales as he stares at the wolf. It could just bite him right now and he'd be dead before Negan even realizes it. Does that man know his wolf just wanders around?!

Lucille pads in then, eyes bright and mouth open in a canine grin. She rumbles low in her chest, and he stares at her hard, and then she barks softly at him, and he whimpers without meaning to. When she comes forward into the stall, though, Rick can hardly breathe; he's straining so hard against the rope he's sure his wrists are going to be bloody after this. She sniffs at his face before _licking a large stripe up it_ , and Rick keens high in his throat.

" _Negan!!!"_ he yells as her rough tongue leaves his skin - those sharp teeth being _altogether too close_ for his comfort - and he's hardly aware what he's doing until after the noise has ripped out of his throat. He shakes and takes quick, deep breaths through his clenched teeth, sweat beading in his hair and making his upper body damp, and keeps his eyes on the ground - not wanting her to think he's challenging her. Head fuzzy, he thinks he might pass out if that dog gets near him again. His wrists throb with pain, but at this point he doesn't really care. 

Please, can she just _go away?_ Rick thinks that he'd take whatever Negan wants to do to him rather than being strung up for a wolf to torment. He grits his teeth as he starts to shake harder. 

Lucille sits back and chuffs out some doggy laughter, watching Rick with her bright eyes. She _loves_ the noises coming from him, even when he calls out for her master. The fear rolling off him is sweet like sugar to her nose, and she wants more. She moves to step closer to him and Rick cringes, but then she hears a noise from the stall near the front and her ears perk up. Rick watches her nervously, taking deep breaths. Did she hear Daisy maybe?

Lucille goes over to Daisy when she sees her and looks up at the other animal happily, wagging her tail and barking. 

With a sense of trepidation, Rick watches her go. He's not as worried for his horse as he is for himself. Oh, he cares for Daisy, but he knows that his fear of the wolf stems from the question of what Negan did with the other humans he's caught and tormented. Because there must have been others. This routine is not the job of someone wanting to get a taste of murder. No, Negan knows what he wants and is making it happen. And his wolf was probably apart of that. Who knows how. 

But a horse? Rick doesn't think…. doesn't _think_ Negan would needlessly hurt a horse. Or let his dog hurt one. 

...

Negan was drawn from sleep by Lucille's first soft bark. He groans, keeping his eyes closed. It's not yet night. Close, but not yet. Why is the universe so against him sleeping today?

And then… he hears Rick yelling _his_ name. A shiver runs down his spine. He doesn't know what Lucille's doing to Rick; not hurting him he hopes, but he loves the reaction she pulled from him. He sits up, accepting the fact that he isn't going to get anymore sleep, and crawls out of bed. He stretches his arms up over his head and walks into the kitchen, starting his nightly routine with getting Lucille breakfast.

Opening the icebox, he pulls a cut of meat from it, unwrapping it from the wax paper and placing it in the metal basin that sits near the dining table. There's a twin basin next to it that he refills with cool water from the pitcher. Negan wipes his hands on his shirt, and his ears pick up the sound of Lucille barking again. God, what's she bothering now? The horse? He rolls his eyes. This is the squirrel debacle all over again.

He opens his front door, checking the sun. It's almost completely gone, but not quite. There's not enough to hurt him though, so he forgoes his hat as he makes his way to the barn, squinting slightly.

...

When Rick hears boots crunching on gravel, a chill sweeps up his spine. He swallows hard, clenches his fists, and gets a glare ready. It's difficult to keep up though, and he's as tense as a spring waiting to see the damned man again. 

_Dammit_.

He was the one who yelled for Negan in the first place. What if he's annoyed that Rick woke him up? Rick regretted calling for the very man who tied him up the moment his name left his mouth, but now he feels fear coil in his chest even more. And the feeling's only heightened by the fact that he's so goddamned exposed. He can't run or hide or even stand up and face Negan if he wanted. 

Unable to stop the red flush of humiliation that warms his body, Rick clenches his teeth. 

...

Negan enters the barn, opening the door to see Lucille looking up at Rick's horse and the horse looking over the gate back down at her curiously. Shaking his head, he snaps his fingers at her, "Lucille, quit botherin' that horse." Lucille looks at him and whines, her ears and tail falling. Negan rolls his eyes. "C'mon, go get your breakfast. It's waitin' for ya. Go, git." Lucille perks up at the mention of _breakfast_ and trots past Negan back to the house.

Negan takes in an unneeded breath in order to sigh it back out. He holds his hands out as he walks up to the horse. "Hey, girl. She didn't bug ya, did she?" He lets the horse smell his hands before petting her forehead down to the bridge of her nose. "You're a pretty one, aren't ya? Hopefully you'll hold out a bit better than those cows, hmm?"

Negan looks down and sees the empty water trough. Oh, he had forgotten to fill that earlier. "You thirsty, girl? Let me go get you some water," he speaks softly to the horse, patting her. Turning, Negan picks up two metal pails that are sitting on the ground near the wall. He dumps them over, clearing them of cobwebs and dust, before heading towards the back door, going to the spring. As he passes Rick's stall, he doesn't even spare a glance at him.

...

Rick can't help how he makes himself lower when the barn door opens. So much for not showing fear. He listens to Negan berate Lucille for bothering Daisy - but not for bothering _him,_ apparently - and huffs quietly. And then he's pulling at the ropes anxiously as he hears Negan talk to the horse. 

"Hopefully you'll hold out a bit better than those cows…" Negan says. What does that mean? Is Negan going to…? He _wouldn't_. Not the _horse_. Rick glares at the floor, ears painfully alert. His breathing picks up slightly when Negan mentions water for her, and he licks his own dry lips and swallows without realizing it. He's not going to say a damn thing about himself but… 

He inhales sharply and tenses up, head down slightly but eyes up, when he hears Negan come over - expecting what he doesn't know; a kick to the ribs maybe with some gleeful laughter - but Negan walks past him with his pails without even looking at him. Rick watches him disappear out the back door of the building with wide, confused eyes, and lets out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. 

Rick knows he should be relieved. He knows he should be thankful. He's got another five minutes of being alive. Of not being that creature's _breakfast_. But... he doesn't want to be played with.

Dropping his head down, Rick breathes heavily to try to calm down a little. Oh god, he has a headache. And he's tired. It's only been a few hours since he got to this cursed place and he already feels like he needs to sleep for a week. He knows that Negan… is a vampire. Or some kind of supernatural creature. He knows that Negan put him under with some sort of devilish influence. Rick still feels muddled and confused and heavy from the strange, involuntary slumber - like he does when he wakes from any nap he takes in the middle of the afternoon. Only ten times worse, like a hangover. And he's probably been tied up the whole time so that just put more stress on his body. 

He listens for Negan's footsteps again, but all he can hear is the faint bubbling of the brook up the hill. At least he can hear some birds now, he thinks. Though it might just be his imagination. What isn't his imagination is how the abrasions on his wrists prick every few moments in time with his heartbeat. Rick winces and sighs. 

...

Negan treks up to the spring and washes out the pails before filling them with the crystal clear water. He smirks, thinking himself pretty funny for ignoring Rick. He can _taste_ the fear and tension oozing from him. There's nothing like keeping someone in the dark to make them desperate for attention.

As he walks back, he looks up at the sky. It's turning a lovely shade of pinks and purples, the sun just a hair over the horizon. Crickets start their songs in the patches of grass at Negan's feet, and the sounds of frogs echo from the creek behind him. Soon, the wolves will howl and the owls will hoot. Negan always looks forward to the music of the creatures of the night.

He makes his way back to the barn, closing the back door behind him. He sets down one of the pails of water directly in front of the open gate to Rick's stall, much too far away for him to reach, before continuing on to Daisy's. Negan greets her with a soft tongue click and fills her trough with the freshwater, patting her back when she turns to drink. "There you go, girl. Drink up."

...

Rick jerks when Negan comes back and closes the back door with a clack, cutting off the light that's been streaming in. It still filters in through the wide cracks in the building, but Rick feels some finality in the action, and the barn is much, much darker than before. 

And then Negan sets a pail of water down directly in front of the open gate. The water splashes out of the metal sides and onto the dirt floor, causing Rick to make a very small noise of pain. 

What is Negan _doing?_

He stares at the bucket - so close and yet so far - and remembers the glass of lemonade he'd been offered right before Negan swept the rug out from under him. Rick _burns_ knowing how stupid he's been and how, now, he would give anything to be just a little bit closer to that dirty bucket on the ground. 

Licking his dry lips, Rick listens to Negan talk to Daisy. Well at least he's taking care of _her_. Rick would be more upset if Negan let an innocent animal go thirsty. He also seems to be really… sweet with her. He's been sweet with Lucille too. Not like that's surprising. And not like it means much. But it is… unsettling? Odd? That Negan - a man who would drink blood from a cow until it dies and then not use any other part of the creature - would be gentle to other animals. It makes no sense. 

Of course Rick knows how charming Negan's been with the people of the town so far. He huffs. Of course. That's just his _way_. The scheming, manipulating way he gets to stay in a nice quiet town like this with good people while he literally sucks its livelihood and food source dry without anyone in the town suspecting anything's up. 

Turning his face away from the interior of the barn, Rick glares at the wall opposite the open gate. 

...

Negan hums as he pets the horse. Aside from that _beautiful_ noise Rick made when Negan sat down the bucket, the sheriff doesn't seem to be making much effort in initiating contact. Negan had been expecting _something_ from him. He's the one who yelled out Negan's name in the first place.

He thinks about quipping something off to the other man. Making the first move. Strolling over with a 'howdy sheriff' on his tongue.

But that would admit defeat.

And Negan hates to lose.

If there was one thing he'd learned from his time on the Earth, it was patience. Yes. Negan will wait. Wait until Rick's begging him. For food, for water, for freedom. Whichever came first.

Negan pats at the horse's neck again. "Alright, girl. I'm gonna run to town, get you some food, hmm? I'll be back soon. Lucille will keep you company while I'm gone." Negan smirks and steps back from the horse's stall. He pauses for a moment before exiting the barn, closing the door.

...

Rick's eyes widen when he hears Negan say _town_ , and then his breathing picks up exponentially, his heart beating rapidly in his chest, when Negan says he's _leaving_. For _town?_ That'll take him an hour at _least_. 

Rick looks at the bucket desperately and pulls on the ropes, trying to stand again and being kept down by the harsh pull of them. Negan's name is on his tongue. No. _No, no, no, no._

Negan can't leave him here. 

As Negan shuts the door a high-pitched _keen_ is dragged from Rick's throat _he has no idea how_ and echoes around the space. Rick immediately freezes, stunned into silence. He drops his head and curses silently. Why did he do that, _why?_ You'd think he was a puppy thinking his master was leaving and never going to return when he was just going outside the door to get the milk bottles. 

He's downright whining to a _monster_ for _company?_ How pathetic is that? He exhales tightly and grits his teeth. He needs to get a _grip_. 

...

A sharp-toothed grin spreads over Negan's face at the glorious _sound_ Rick makes. It's almost enough to make him turn around and give him some water. Almost.

Negan heads back inside and finds Lucille on his bed still licking her lips from breakfast. She looks up at him as he grabs his long jacket, satchel, and coin purse. "I'm going to town," he tells her. "Do try not to torment our new pets, okay? You know fear makes the meat tough and the blood sour." Negan grimaces, sticking his tongue out. Lucille snorts and swipes at her nose with a paw.

" _Fine_." 

Negan eyes her. "Don't complain when you get tough horse meat in your bowl. We'll both know who's fault it is." Lucille growls softly at Negan, but Negan just reaches out and rubs her head. "I'll be back." Lucille barks and Negan leaves, beginning the trek to the town.

A little while after he's left, Lucille bounces off the bed and runs out to the barn again. She scratches against the door before sticking her nose through a loose slat and pulling it open. The door slams against the outside of the barn, wide open, letting the moonlight shine in. 

... 

Rick's trying to fall asleep again in the now near pitch-black barn like he was before and failing miserably. He's so bored and his arms hurt and his throat is so dry. His stomach has started to ache, and he wishes to god he hadn't had a breakfast of just coffee and cheese. 

His ears prick up when he hears scratching on the barn door farthest from him, and he tenses when he hears wood slats moving. What…? Rick’s breath catches when he hears the door slam, and he sees moonlight flood the ground. He shivers, teeth chattering. He knows it's just Lucille but… it could be anything. 

...

Her tongue lolling, Lucille barks up at the horse in a friendly greeting. When Daisy sticks her head down, Lucille sniffs her and licks her face. Daisy neighs curiously. Lucille likes this horse. Maybe she can convince Negan not to eat her. 

...

Rick hears Lucille bark and he slumps down with relief. He grits his teeth because he knows she's going to come to see him, but, oddly, he's slightly less afraid of her now. She hadn't growled at him in anger since he poked around in the barn when Negan wasn't there and from that point afterward she's been if anything just a friendly dog. At least not one that was going to hurt him if he just stayed docile. 

...

Lucille decides to go check on Rick and pads her way down to his stall. His eyes snap to her when he sees her in the doorway, and he watches her curiously. She sniffs at the pail of water that's in front of his stall. 

"Hey, girl," he says quietly, his voice rough from dehydration and lack of use - though he _is_ trying to sound friendly - and she looks up at him. He tenses when she moves closer to him. He can't see her as she's engulfed in shadows, and his breathing picks up again despite himself. "How're you doin'?" He tries for a smile. 

Lucille studies him, tilting her head this way and that, smelling his fear. She circles around him, going under one of his arms, brushing it with her tail, and he whines low in his throat. He shivers at the sensation of her rough fur and then he can hear her panting behind him, and he can't help but take in large, quick lungfuls of air as he tries to stay calm. Well, so much for not being afraid, he thinks to himself pathetically. She's just so _big_. 

She stands behind him and watches, knowing her presence plagues him, especially now that he can't see her. Lucille stays quiet for a moment, before stepping forward and placing her wet, cold nose against one of his elbows. 

Rick yelps and jerks and then moans softly, not caring as much how much noise he makes now that Negan isn't here. He hates this. He hates this _dog_ , and he absolutely _loathes_ being so helpless. 

Lucille barks in glee at Rick's reaction and races back round to the front of his stall, looking at him with a gleam in her eyes. Rick flinches, and then senses that she's about to leave. 

"Hey, you don't have to go," he says, swallowing. He's so alone here in this cold dark barn. He can't even warm himself up. He thinks maybe she understands him. Maybe there's a slightly sympathetic tilt to her head, a softening of her eyes. 

She listens to him but thinks that's enough for now, and goes to go back to the horse, when she sniffs at the pail of water again. She looks up at Rick, grinning, sharp teeth shining in the moonlight, and Rick groans. Sticking her muzzle into the pail, Lucille laps the water noisily, drinking her fill before licking her lips. 

Rick whimpers. Maybe… he licks his lips. She seemed to understand Negan, so maybe she would understand him.

"Hey. Lucy," he says. "Do you think you could just… bring that over to me when you're finished? Pretty please?" He smiles awkwardly at her, feeling stupid for talking to a dog like a person but also hoping against hope… 

She casts another glance towards Rick when she's finished, and he thinks he sees amused laughter in her eyes, but then she bounces off to play with Daisy. He makes a frustrated noise and whimpers quietly, hanging his head again and shifting in the hay. 

...

The sun has fully set by time Negan reaches town. An almost-full moon hangs high in the sky, providing enough light that even the humans can see. They still light their lanterns, of course, to keep away the things that go bump in the night. A cool wind blows down the dusty street, billowing the ends of Negan's jacket against his ankles.

He nods to a couple of people he passes on the street, mostly people going home from work, or heading to the saloon for some downtime. Most of the shopkeepers have started staying open a little later for Negan. He had asked them _politely_ to do so, and it was hard to argue with someone who wanted to give you money.

Making his way to the general store, Negan pushes the door open, hearing the familiar bell ring above his head. There are lanterns and candles lit all over, battling away the darkness from every corner. Maggie's doing some accounting in her workbook when Negan enters. Oh, thank god. As soon as he leaves she can finally close up the store. She was at first lukewarm about the idea of keeping it open later just for him, but it's actually evened out. There are a few people who come in later and when Negan comes he can buy quite a lot for someone who lives alone.

Negan nods to her and warmly greets, "Howdy, Maggie. Just need a few things and then I'll be out of your hair." He quickly steps up to the counter and flashes her a smile.

"Hey Negan," she says amiably, smiling brightly back at him and putting her pencil down. "What can I do ya for?"

"Well, what do you have in as far as fruits and vegetables go?" he asks. "I'm looking for apples, maybe? Dried jerky, milk, eggs…" Negan ticks off his order on his fingers. "Butter, potatoes, oats, and what kind of candy do you have in?" He grins at her.

Maggie thinks about what they have in stock. 

"We have apples, yeah. Pears, bananas, lemons, limes, oranges, carrots, potatoes, lettuce, beets. Most things, you know. Also we have a large selection of canned goods." She writes down what else he needs and stops when he mentions candy. She tips her chin in the direction of the huge glass jars up on the counter filled with a dozen different types of hard candy. "All that and if you want anything special we can sometimes order it." She nods at him, pleased with their selection and confident they can get most anything someone like him might need. 

It is curious though. Why would he need so much? And candy? Usually it's only children who want that. But she isn't about to judge. Adults come in here and pick up a stick or two with their grocery order on occasion. And she certainly isn't one to refuse the business. 

Negan listens to Maggie, nodding as she lists things off, and looks over towards the candy jars. He saunters over to look at each of them, humming as he examines the candy, "Add a couple oranges, carrots, and beets to my list."Lifting the lids, he sniffs at the different flavors. Negan hasn't eaten anything with a real flavor in so long, he doesn't know what he likes anymore. He also really hopes his idea works, having never done this before. If anything, at least he'll taste the sugar.

Maggie writes down what else he wants and watches him, curious about the positively giddy gleam in his eye. So peculiar.

"And some canned beans. Oh, and coffee!" Negan adds on. He's kind of excited about this. He can't wait until he breaks Rick in enough to actually feed him all this stuff. "And then just give me two of each of these," he says, pointing to all the jars on the counter. He goes back over to where Maggie is standing and flashes a smile at her, all teeth and debonair. "Please."

The _amount_ of candy he wants, Maggie thinks as her eyes widen. Her mouth almost falls open, but she's far too professional for that. She just smiles politely. "Of course. Just give me a few minutes to get all this, and I'll be right back." She smiles at him and goes to grab Enid to help get the candy while she collects the fruit, vegetables, and cans. 

Not ten minutes later they've rung up all the items and packed them neatly in his satchel. "Will that be all, Negan?" Maggie asks, "It's awful dark out tonight. You be careful now getting back to your place." 

Enid pipes up. "Be careful. I heard… I hope Sheriff Grimes is alright. Did you hear?" she asks Maggie and then turns to Negan. "He hasn't been home yet. Carl was telling me that he went out to investigate the animal deaths and hasn't been back." She looks down and then out through the front window into the darkened main street. She worries her lip under her teeth. 

Maggie tuts at her. "Enid. Don't worry Negan so. I'm sure Rick is fine. He's always fine." She smiles reassuringly at the girl and turns back to Negan, her smile shifting into an apologetic one. 

Negan looks between them as they talk, schooling his face into the proper expressions when appropriate. Concern for the missing sheriff. A smile to console Enid. A soft laugh to calm Maggie. "Ladies, I'll be just fine. No need to worry about me." He reaches forward and chucks each one softly under the chin. "Thank you for your help tonight. Y'all get home safe yourselves now y'hear?"

Slinging his satchel over his shoulder, Negan waves at the girls and turns, intent on going out the door, when something catches his eye. He takes a step back and studies it, mulling the idea over in his head.

"Maggie, two more things."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note - Ranebowstitches writes Lucille and I write Daisy, Maggie, and Enid! ^_^


	3. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan comes bearing gifts...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the comments, guys TwT we really appreciate it~~ 

Negan arrives back home almost two hours later. He makes his way inside the house and finds Lucille sprawled on the couch. She perks up as he walks in. "Hey, girl," he greets, "were you good while I was gone?" 

Lucille barks an affirmative.

He goes to the kitchen and starts putting his purchases away where they belong, throwing a piece of the jerky to Lucille who chomps it happily. Taking off his jacket, he hangs it up back in his room. He hums before picking up a thick poncho from the chest at the end of his bed. He grabs a lantern, lights it, and packs two apples, the oats, and a small cup into his satchel. His fingers run over the smooth leather of the extra item he bought, and he packs that in there, too. Negan tells Lucille to _stay_ and heads out to the barn.

The door is wide open, and Negan rolls his eyes. _Lucille_. He walks into the barn and turns the lantern flame up, hanging it across the way from Daisy. She perks up and reaches her nose out, sniffing him. "Hey, girl," he says, rubbing her nose and smiling at her warm snuffs. "Miss me?" Negan then pulls the oats out of his bag and leans over her gate to put them into the food trough. He then pulls out an apple and feeds it to her out of his hand as he pets the bridge of her nose. She snuffles as she eats, pleased with the sweet treat. "Good girl."

...

When he first hears soft footsteps on the gravel, Rick looks up tiredly, knowing Negan's coming back. He was almost asleep that time. He tries to swallow and only just manages it. His stomach's been growling at him for the past hour and a bit. He feels like he's about to pass out, but he can't manage it in the position he's in. He remembers a minute later that he should have probably called out to Negan, but then he heard the house door close and— Rick droops. Negan's going to starve him to death. That's what's going to happen. 

Rick doesn't get much time to dwell on that thought before he hears footsteps again, then they get closer and a second later they're in the barn. Rick's eyes widen and he shifts, wetting his chapped lips and wondering if it's even worth it to call out. He probably annoyed Negan by not acknowledging him earlier. He'd just make him angrier if he tries now. 

He listens to Negan talk to Daisy faintly from the other side of the barn. Hopefully he's feeding her at least.

Rick swallows thickly. If he doesn't say something, Negan might leave and _then_ what'll happen to him? Rick doesn't want to. He would really rather do anything than admit defeat like this. But his stomach is growling at him and he can't possibly sleep this way and if Negan could just— 

Face burning, Rick makes a dull whining noise. Hopefully that'll be enough to draw Negan's attention. Rick doesn't think he can manage more than that anyway. He huffs, head falling down, expecting to hear Negan's retreating footsteps. 

...

Negan pats Daisy as he waits to hear anything from Rick. He wants to hear him call out his name, or whisper a _please_. He wants to hear Rick beg. But, there's nothing for a minute. Negan wonders if Rick's passed out. He's sure that humans are strong enough to survive a few hours without food or water, so he knows he's not dead. There's no smell of blood, so Lucille didn't hurt him. Negan hums. 

Negan's just grabbing his lantern, about to check on the man, when he hears a dull whine come from him. It isn't much, but it's enough to let Negan know he's awake and aware. A smirk curls up Negan's face and he saunters down to the last stall. He hangs the lantern on a post at the front of the stall, illuminating the bound man in flickering firelight.

Rick flinches when the light gets close; it's _too bright_. He lifts his head anyway, looking Negan up and down exhaustedly. He summons a quick glare, but he can't hold it for more than a few seconds. And he knows he's not in a position to anyway. 

"Howdy, Sheriff," Negan greets as he takes Rick in. He looks so tired, wrists rubbed red from the ropes, face flushed. _Beautiful_.

Negan reaches down and picks up the pail of water, wondering why it feels lighter than it had been before. _Lucille_. He steps into the stall and crouches down less than an arm's length away from Rick. "You thirsty, _Rick?"_ he asks, and Rick whines softly. Negan opens his satchel to pull out the small cup, dunking it into the pail; Rick's eyes widen. Negan holds it up within his sightline but nowhere close to his mouth, and tilts it back and forth, waiting for Rick to answer him. Entranced, Rick barely looks away from the mug.

And then he realizes that Negan's waiting for an answer from him. He nods and lifts himself up slightly. "Yes. Pl-please." He licks his lips and looks to Negan's eyes. There's amusement there, and Rick's face goes warm with embarrassment, though he doesn't have the strength to care. He'll do whatever Negan wants. "Please. I— _please_." 

Negan grins and reaches out to pat Rick's cheek, making him flinch and whimper. Negan leaves his hand resting there, and Rick hates himself for it, but it actually feels _nice_. His face heats up like a torch, and he squirms in the ropes, but doesn't pull away. 

"Good answer," Negan says. He hadn't been expecting words. A nod maybe. A wide-eyed look. But actual _begs?_ It's music to Negan's ears. He brings the cup to Rick's lips, tilting it as he drinks deeply. Rick doesn't even care as some of it runs down his throat and chest. It feels good and cool on his skin. And he's so, _so_ thirsty. He whines gratefully, looking up at Negan every so often with tired eyes. 

"Thank you," he says honestly when the cup's empty, but then Negan's bringing another cup to his lips and he pants, feeling tears at his eyes. Negan runs his thumb softly over Rick's cheekbone as he drinks, his grin softening to a smile as Rick thanks him without being prompted to do so. Oh, he is a good, polite boy alright. It makes Negan's unbeating heart squeeze in his chest. 

Rick drinks deeply until he feels heavy and full and better. He's still hungry, but at least he feels less like he's going to pass out any second. He hardly notices as Negan brushes his cheek with his thumb as he drinks, but he's also hypersensitive to the touch. Negan's thumb is rough yet soft on his skin and Rick can't help but want more. He leans into it slightly, eyes heavy. He knows he's going to be furious with himself in the morning. If he lives that long. But for now, it's a comfort he's too tired to fight. 

Negan sets the cup down in the pail when it's empty, letting it float there, as Rick leans into the hand on his cheek. His skin is cool from being in the barn, but it's still warmer than Negan's is. The vampire hums and lets his hand trail up to Rick's forehead, making Rick groan, and then pushes back the sweaty hair that's hanging there, to his annoyance. At this, Rick flinches fearfully, but it's fine. Negan's just smoothing it back with both hands, making sure it's going to stay there. Oh. Okay. That's fine. 

And then Negan hooks a finger under Rick's chin and lifts his head to get him to look at him. _Better_. 

Rick's breathing picks up then, and he allows it for a second before tugging his head out of Negan's grip gently, looking down at the floor sullenly. He doesn't want to seem insolent - he doesn't want to be hurt more - but he doesn't like that. 

Negan gives Rick an unimpressed look but ultimately leaves it. "Now, Rick, I have some questions for you," he says, voice level. He reaches into his bag and pulls out an apple. Rick's eyes land on it and he shifts, pulling at the ropes again. He licks his lips. _Please_. Negan looks at the apple, wipes it on his shirt, and looks at it again. "If you answer them, you will get fed. Understand?" Negan looks over at Rick and raises an eyebrow. 

Rick shakes slightly but nods. "Uh-huh," he says. He doesn't have a choice now, does he? 

" _'Uh-huh'?"_ Negan scoffs, scooting closer to Rick and sitting down cross-legged in front of him. What kind of answer is that? "You better give me a 'yes', Rick. A proper response." 

Rick glares at Negan with hatred in his eyes, and then Negan brings the apple up to his own mouth and digs in his front teeth, scraping them back through the soft flesh of the fruit. He slides the slice of apple out of his mouth and waves it in front of Rick.

Rick grimaces and huffs angrily. That's _disgusting_ and he doesn't— 

But he's hungry and he can't—

Rick closes his eyes and breathes calmly for a few moments, fists clenched, before he speaks. 

"Yes," he says. He looks at Negan with annoyance and anger in his eyes. But then he remembers that he won't get anywhere that way and he tries to school his features. He looks at the floor. 

Negan smirks at Rick's change in attitude. He's a little proud seeing that Rick still has some fire in him. What fun would it be if he didn't fight back just a little? "Good," he says, and holds the apple slice to Rick's lips. 

Rick wants to jerk back when Negan holds the apple piece to his lips, but the ropes don't let him get far and he's too hungry not to take it. He grumbles low but takes it in his teeth and chews. He sighs as he swallows it and licks the sweetness - and a strange, subtle metallic flavor he can't identify. Is that Negan's saliva? - from his lips. He makes a face. 

Negan watches Rick eat it before continuing. "Now, Rick, what's the _real_ reason you came to my property today?" 

Rick pales at the question, and then Negan bites off another slice of apple, holding it in his mouth for a second before spitting it out. The juice stings his throat as he swallows a bit of it, but it's not enough to make him sick. He knows he can just hold the apple to Rick's mouth and let him eat it himself, but he likes to watch him squirm.

Rick shifts uncomfortably and looks at the piece of apple. It's covered in Negan's spit and, okay, that's _really_ disgusting. He looks at the apple in Negan's hand. It's mostly untouched except for the bites taken out of it. "I don't— Can you please—" Rick licks his lips again and swallows. If he doesn't answer Negan'll just leave and… Rick huffs softly, and Negan smirks. 

"I… I was suspicious," Rick says, "It was the cows and I just— I had a feeling and I thought—" Rick doesn't want to go out and say it. What if he's wrong. What if Negan's just a crazy person? What if he's a serial killer? What if he's just offended he found Rick poking around in his place? Rick can't just _say_ that he thinks Negan is a vampire. _He_ doesn't want to be thought of as the crazy person. You never knew how people were going to react to crazy. Well, they could react like this, for example, Rick thinks bitterly as the ropes bite into his skin again. "I thought you might be the one killing them," he admits softly. It is the truth. Just not the whole truth. 

Humming, Negan nods, smirking at Rick's reaction to the apple. He can tell Rick's holding something back, but he isn't sure what yet. "And what did you _really_ find here when you were pokin' around?" He asks, reaching forward to tap the next apple slice on Rick's bottom lip.

Rick flushes red. " _Stop_ ," he says in annoyance, moving his head away, and Negan frowns. Is he really that disgusted by it that he'd rather starve? Negan sets the piece of apple down on one knee. 

"...Please." Rick takes a few breaths, trying for calm. "Look. When I went to the creek, I saw the red soil. And I found that same exact soil… near the cows." Rick shakes his head. He doesn't know what Negan'll do with that information. If he lets Rick go… Rick'll just tell the authorities. ...So the only options for him are to kill him or keep him. And Rick doesn't want to die. He wants to see his kids again. But he would rather not see them right _now_... and stay alive… with the possibility of seeing them again someday. That's better, right?

As Rick talks, Negan feels a little smug that he'd put the pieces together. With Lucille's help, of course.

"Please…" Rick drops his head down. "Please don't kill me. I have kids. They…" He can feel wetness at his eyes and then he starts taking deep breaths without realizing it, a panic reaction coming on. 

Negan can't help the shiver that runs through him as Rick begs for his life and for his kids' lives. But, as much as he loves the fear radiating from him, Rick's working himself up into a panic and that's _not_ what Negan wants. 

"Hey, hey, Rick," Negan says, setting the apple on his other knee and reaching up slowly, cupping Rick's face in both his hands and tilting it up to look at him. Rick whimpers softly. "Who said anything about killin' ya? I'm just asking some questions and trying to feed ya." 

Rick can feel tears fall when he blinks and he takes in a ragged breath as he looks into Negan's eyes. But why would he be keeping him here if not to kill him? And, say Negan _is_ a vampire... that just means he would drink Rick's blood like he did with the cows. And he could be lying. Rick bites his lip, blinking back further tears.

"I—"

Negan runs his thumbs over Rick's scruffy cheeks, and Rick calms somewhat. "I know you got kids, Rick. I've lived here for more than a couple months now. I know everyone in town." 

When Negan says that, Rick realizes that he should know that. Of course Negan knows that. He's not a stranger just passin' through. And that just makes Rick's heart ache. Negan _knows_ who his kids are and now he's got him all tied up and Rick has no idea… 

Negan gives Rick a little smile, and Rick has to fight the urge to grimace. It's such an act. He feels disgusted all over again.

"I haven't hurt no one, have I?" Negan asks, "Just some cows, I admit, but I ain't harmed a person, Rick. Give me that."

No, he hasn't harmed anyone; not _yet,_ Rick thinks. Or not until _now_ anyway. And who knows what he's done before this. Maybe he's a mass murderer and nobody knows about it. In any event, Rick's calmed down somewhat. He breathes slowly and nods, swallowing thickly. 

"Okay. Okay." He looks at the ground, shifting in the ropes. His arms are so sore and he just wants to sleep. "Can I…?" He looks at the bonds. "Please. I told you what you want to know. Can I just…" He looks at the apple and tries not to get overwhelmed again. 

Negan watches the range of emotions flash over Rick's face as he talks. At least he's calmed down, but Negan frowns slightly at Rick's words. He isn't done yet. He still has questions. Rick's state concerns him, though. He's exhausted. Negan shakes his head. "Rick… I don't _want_ to hurt you. I didn't plan for _this_ to happen," Negan removes a hand from Rick's face to gesture to the ropes around his wrists, and Rick watches with wary eyes. Actually, it would have been easy to avoid the ropes, Rick thinks. Negan's got a big hulking wolfdog at his command. Rick's not going to get very far even if he _did_ try to escape. 

Negan moves his hand back and smoothes it over Rick's sweaty hair again, thinking that he needs a bath. Rick flinches. 

"I was content living up here, away from the town, minding my own business, but you just had to solve the mystery, didn't you?" Negan scoffs, eyebrows furrowing. "I felt like a couple cows were a fine compromise for not hurting anybody. You're welcome for stopping your wolf problem and making the roads safer, by the way. Bet you didn't try solving _that_ , huh? Called it a miracle and went on your way?" Negan stops himself from yelling, but his words come out with bite. 

All of Rick's attention is on Negan now, his jaw dropped and his eyes wide. _What?_ Negan… took care of the wolves? And made the roads safer? Rick blinks down at the floor. He supposed they had just taken that for granted. But why would they investigate that? He shakes his head. It's hard to believe that a man like Negan would… well. Why would he do that? Weren't vampire solitary creatures? Why did he want to live by a town anyway? Easy food? Rick doubted it. Considering _this_ whole debacle. 

Negan drops his hands from Rick and rubs his own temples with them. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. It's an unneeded practice, but it helps him calm down. Rick, meanwhile, watches him curiously with a new kind of understanding that leaves him confused and shaken. And regretful. But how was he supposed to know that Negan did all that for the town…?

He knows this couldn't really have been avoided. But now, perhaps, he doesn't feel like Negan is the monster he thought he was. Maybe. There's still a whole lot Rick doesn't know about him, and neither does he trust him very much yet. If he is a vampire, then he'd probably had a hell of a lot of time to perfect his lies. 

"There was a reason why you suspected me in the first place, wasn't there?" Negan asks eventually, voice soft, and Rick's head droops in something like shame. He doesn't know why he targeted Negan, really, why he came here. But he does think that he had a right to figure out what was happening. To protect his town. Negan is still a wildly unknown variable.

"You picked up on something the others didn't." Negan drops his hands from his head and picks up the mostly still full apple, examining it. Looking up at Rick, his eyes gleam in the lantern light. "You know what I am, don't you, Rick?"

Rick's breath catches, and his eyes go from Negan to the apple held aloft in his hand. It's round and bright and red, and he's _so_ hungry. 

He turns back to Negan, at his eyes shining in the light. His white teeth glinting. His skin just _this side_ of ashen. Nothing you would notice in the day, or when covered by a hat, or even his own beard. If you looked closer even, and you knew where to look, you might realize that Negan doesn't have a pulse. Something Rick only just now thinks he can see, or not see. He certainly isn't breathing. 

Rick swallows and drops his eyes. 

"Yes, I know what you are." He looks back up, wary and nervous but not unsure. "You're a vampire." 

Negan smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes, and he huffs a soft laugh. 

Rick swallows - Negan's smile is a cold thing - and feels unease start to curl in his gut.

"Correct," Negan says, and Rick knew that he would say it. It's the only thing that could happen. If Negan wants to stay where he is unbothered. But it still… hurts. Rick still doesn't quite believe it. And he won't. He'll say that he accepts it. But he's still so close to town. Unless Negan moves away and takes him with him… or kills him… Rick isn't going to give up hope that he can get out of here alive, even knowing what Negan is. 

He looks up at Rick, studying his face. It looks a bit more passive, a bit regretful, a little shameful. Negan knows Rick was just trying to protect his people in whatever way he could. It's not his fault Negan is the way he is. Negan wonders if Rick would run if he untied him.

"You understand, I can't let you go, Rick," Negan explains, softly. "I can't have you telling people about me. I don't care if you promise not to. I don't care if no one believes you. People will still talk, and I don't need them talking about _me_." Negan looks down at the apple. "If word gets to the wrong ears, I could be in trouble. My only choice is to keep you away."

Rick listens to Negan as he lists all the arguments Rick had in the back of his mind. He's probably done this before. Kept someone. For his own safety, _of course._

He looks at Negan dully. 

And maybe he'll accept just being a passive pawn in Negan's game for now. But he won't forever. He can't. 

Negan then looks back up at Rick and raises the apple, pressing it to Rick's lips. Rick flinches. But it's better than pieces bitten out and covered in weird-tasting saliva, so he counts his blessings. And he's just glad that Negan still wants to feed him after all that. He sighs and takes a bite out of it, but it doesn't taste as sweet as it could have. He licks his lips and checks Negan's expression every so often as he eats, just to make sure it's still okay. He is _starving_ , so even if he's in emotional turmoil, he can't just turn it down. If he wants to survive long enough to somehow get away, he can't refuse food as some kind of protest. He knows it won't get him anywhere. 

And the fruit does make him feel slightly better. He was starting to feel a little queasy there, and Negan's apparently continued _relative_ compassion towards him is at least a little reassuring. It's something to hold onto anyway. 

Negan turns the apple as Rick eats, letting him bite it down to the core, and Rick nearly makes a sound of satisfaction. He's still hungry, but he thinks he could fall asleep like this anyway. 

As Negan turns the fruit he has the sudden thought that he'll need to prep some food for Rick and bring it out before the sun rises, and he wonders how long it would take for Rick to become nocturnal. 

When Rick's finished, Negan sets the apple core down, planning on giving it to Daisy later, and reaches up to thumb some juice off Rick's chin. Rick swallows the last of it contentedly and doesn't even mind when Negan wipes some of the juice off. He sniffs and licks his lips, and, for the first time, he notices Negan's smell. He wasn't really paying attention to it before since he was so keyed up and terrified, but now in the dim light of the lantern and after most of what they wanted to say is out in the open - and Rick has been assured, whatever that's worth, that he's not in any immediate danger - his eyebrows draw together slightly in an attempt to identify it. 

It's a heavy, not unpleasant smell. It brings to mind leather and boot polish and the soft musky smell of animals. And perhaps a faint, sharp undertone of something... oddly sweet... that makes his nose wrinkle. Rick sniffs again and yawns, unintentionally drawing the scent into his lungs. He sighs. 

"Thank you," he says, knowing how much his thanks means in this situation. He knows he could be obstinate. He knows he could be ungrateful and hateful and defiant. But he also knows that he's probably going to be here for a while, and it's only in his best interest that he be polite to the man who's going to keep him alive. Even if that same man is the one who's keeping him here in the first place. He tries not to let his lips twist in displeasure.

Negan looks at Rick for a moment before taking in a breath but not letting it back out.

"I'm gonna untie you, Rick," Negan says, reaching into his satchel, and Rick stands up on his knees eagerly. "But first, I've got something for you. A reminder that you belong to me now." 

Rick hesitates and shifts back down uncertainly. Negan has something for him? Something to remind him _who he belongs to_. Rick glares at the wall in annoyance, face heating, and then Negan pulls a dark leather dog collar out of his bag and holds it up for Rick to see, turning it so that the buckle shines in the glow of the lantern. Rick stares at it and groans softly, shaking his head. He shifts uncomfortably. He does _not_ want to wear that. Please, _please_ let Negan not put that on him.

"It's a beaut," Negan says, "and it'll look even better around your neck."

He swallows thickly. "That's not necessary," Rick says. "I'm not… not goin' anywhere," he stutters nervously. Rick's mind flashes to Lucille, wherever she is. Truth be told, knowing that the wolf is out there somewhere guarding the place is enough to have him sticking to the buildings here like glue. Lucille may like him, but he doesn't trust that she won't bite his arm off and drag him back half dead if he tries to run. Not by a long shot. 

Still, Rick does wonder though if she's going to be Negan's only form of security. What if Negan goes and takes Lucille with him? He supposes though that they'd stick close by if they were leaving him free to walk around - otherwise they'd have to chain or lock him up to stop him from going back into town. Though… Rick isn't even sure if he'd do _that_. He has a feeling - no, he _knows_ \- that if he did leave, Negan would go and find him, then kill him, then kill anyone he's told. Even if that would ruin Negan's chances of him settling down here peacefully. He'd have to leave after that. Probably. But Rick wouldn't put it past him to massacre everyone in anger either. 

Negan smiles at Rick's reaction. No, it's not necessary. But Negan likes it. So, it's happening. Rick shivers; he doesn't think it would be the end of the world if he wore a collar. But _really?_

He clicks his tongue and tilts his head. "Now, now. I bought it _for you_." Negan can't help the grin that spreads over his face and the almost giggle that escapes his throat. He lets his tongue run over his bottom lip in glee before unhooking the buckle, a beautiful polished bronze, and Rick can't help the look of pained misery on his face, or how his breathing picks up at the sound. He whines. 

"Please. Negan, please. I won't— I won't run. I'll—"

He shifts back as far as the ropes allow, until they cut into his wrists, and he pushes up his shoulders, ducking his head and staring at the collar like it's going to strangle him. He knows he's being overdramatic. It's _just_ a collar. But it's also a sign of submission and weakness and powerlessness. If that goes on his neck then…? 

Then he won't be _him_ anymore. He won't be his own person. He won't be Sheriff Grimes anymore. He'll just be this man's _chattel_. Owned by him in every way. No more than a dog. No, _worse_ than a dog. Because Negan's surely going to feed off of him like livestock. He has his dog for company; Rick's going to be there for _food_. It's that thought that, strangely, hurts the most. 

But he doesn't have time to think on it for very long before Negan's holding the open collar up and reaching over to him. Rick's knees scrape and push on the wood under the hay until he's sure they're bleeding, and he twists in the ropes without thought for the pain, but he can't manage to get himself farther away from Negan's reach by more than a few inches. 

"Don't—" he says, his breathing heavy and desperate. And then he does something he knows he's going to regret. He growls, low in his throat, showing his teeth and glaring hotly. And as Negan's hands get closer to his throat, Rick starts to feel something close to fearful, manic rabidity. 

He doesn't think - when Negan's hands get _too_ close - he just bites, snapping his jaw shut over - _air_. He felt skin though, _just_ scraping his teeth. 

Fuck.

The second after he does it, Rick feels sick. 

He has absolutely no energy left and this is what he does? _What the hell._

What… 

Why would he—?

Negan stares, wide-eyed, after he managed to draw his hands back _just_ in time from Rick's teeth. The irony is laughable.

Rick squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head, an apology on his tongue. 

And then Negan laughs.

It starts low in his throat, a soft sound, as Negan looks at his hands. Then it evolves into a hearty chuckle as he looks back up at Rick. And then, Negan's head is thrown back and his laugh is booming, echoing around the barn. Rick flinches, and the flame in the lantern quivers. "Oh, _Rick!"_

Rick flinches again, and as Negan's laughter echoes around the space it makes Rick feel more nauseous by the minute. 

Oh, Negan knew Rick would be opposed to the collar, but he wasn't expecting such a show. Negan's again glad there's still a spark of fire within the human. Rick just needs to learn _when_ it should burn and when it should be kept embers.

Negan brings his head back down, eyes shining at Rick. There's a beat of time where Negan just sits and then, with inhuman speed, he lunges. Rick _jerks_ , terrified, as Negan's hand clamps to his mouth, thumb and fingers digging into the soft flesh on the sides of his face. He starts to shake. Tears fill his eyes almost immediately. Negan's hand is large and strong, and his fingers dig into Rick's jaw. He doesn't fight it. He doesn't resist. He knows that's the absolute last thing he needs to do right now. 

Pulling Rick forward until his wrists strain against their bonds, Negan gets a faint whiff of blood and knows that the ropes must have scraped through Rick's skin. The vampire licks his bottom lip. "Oh, _Rick_ ," he repeats, purring Rick's name this time. Negan leans forwards, his forehead almost against Rick's, making him flinch. "I was being _nice_ , Rick. I was giving you a _gift_. I was gonna _untie_ you."

Rick nearly whines then. His tears pool and fall onto Negan's hand. He can't stop crying. He's so tired and he was so _stupid_ and he'll just— he'll just—

Negan sets the collar down, and then runs his free hand up the front of Rick's throat, tracing over his Adam's apple. Rick sniffles and shivers all over, swallowing thickly. 

"Now… well. Now I don't know, Rick." Negan huffs a laugh, his fingers making their way to Rick's hair, brushing it back. Petting him - and Rick whines long and low at the touch. It almost feels _nice_. He wants… he wants Negan to know he likes it. Or would if he didn't feel ready to throw up. 

"You _do_ want to be untied, right?" Negan asks. "Do you think you _deserve_ to be untied after that little snap at me, hmm?" Negan shakes Rick slightly via the hand still covering his mouth, and Rick cries harder. Does he deserve it? Well yeah, Rick thinks so. But does he to Negan? Nope. Not now. Not if Rick is going to be a thorn in his side. _Christ_ why did he try to bite him? He should have just—

Negan _loves_ seeing Rick cry. It's beautiful watching him break down under his grasp. His whines are music to Negan's ears. Such _submission_ … and yet… Negan finds he does care about Rick. He had wanted this to go as smoothly as possible. He wants Rick to… well, he'll probably never be _happy_ with Negan, but he wants him to be content. Loyal, trusting, obedient… and content. It's not an ideal situation for Rick - Negan knows that - but he isn't unreasonable.

Grinning, Negan moves his head to trace the tip of his nose down the side of Rick's face, stopping when his mouth is at Rick's ear. Rick sniffles. "I think I deserve an apology, _Rick_." He pops the 'K' on Rick's name, a sharp sound. "Then maybe I'll… reconsider."

Rick shivers, and knows immediately that he'll give Negan one. He hiccups softly and nods, as much as Negan's hand will allow. _Good_ , Negan thinks. Rick looks over at him softly, eyes lowered, before dropping them to the ground. He hiccups again and sniffles. 

When the seconds tick by, he whines, low and plaintive, and then lapses into exhausted silence. 

Negan keeps his face close to Rick's, resting his forehead gently against Rick's temple, and Rick shivers. He… appreciates the closeness. For all his anger… it's been a more stressful day than he's ever had in his life. Negan slowly removes his hand Rick's mouth, and then runs his thumb over Rick's cheek, wiping his tears. "Well?"

Fresh tears fall from Rick's eyes, unbidden, even as Negan wipes his cheek. He shudders. 

"I'm s-sorry I tried to b-bite you," he stutters, feeling a chill sweep through him. Night has well and truly fallen, and the temperature in the barn is quickly dropping. "I'm s-sorry I—"

Without any way to stop himself, Rick breaks out into sobs, heaving in lungfuls of air as emotion tears through him. He wants to see his kids. He wants to kiss Carl on the head and tuck Judy into her crib. He can imagine they're missing him, and he knows they're wondering where he is. He wants to tell them not to worry… because he isn't dead. Not yet. 

"Shh, shh," Negan hushes Rick as he breaks down into sobs. He'd gotten his apology from him. Rick had given him what he asked for. Rick wails softly as he cries, tears and snot running down his face. He's limp in the bonds, his head hung low, and he sniffles and takes slow breaths as Negan shushes him. He just wants to sleep. He just wants to sleep. 

Negan pets Rick's hair softly as he calms and then moves over to his left wrist. He spots the collar on the ground as he shifts but decides to wait. He knows when to push and when not to.

He grips the rope right above Rick's wrist with both hands and pulls. The rope snaps in two. Negan catches Rick's arm as it falls, gently bending it at the elbow and setting Rick's hand in his lap for him. Then he repeats this with the right hand. The smell of the blood on Rick's wrists is stronger now that they're closer to him, but he ignores it for now.

Rick vaguely registers that his arms aren't held out anymore. They hurt, especially his wrists, and he keens softly, but he's too close to passing out to do anything about it. He sways on his knees when he's free, and he's about to tip over into the hay when Negan throws a thick, heavy blanket around his shoulders. He whimpers and sniffles, looking down at it dazedly; the heavy fabric nearly engulfs him.

"Thank you," he says softly, and then Negan takes Rick's face in his hands and tilts his head up and Rick starts, fearful again. He shivers, looking into Negan's eyes.

"Rick. You're okay. Calm down and get some sleep, okay?"

Rick sighs and relaxes, eyes dropping, letting himself trust Negan. He's too tired to do anything else. He nods and swallows. "Okay," he says, and lifts his wrist to wipe his face. He groans when pain shoots up his arm and he looks down at his wrists, only just noticing how wrecked they are, and still with the rope tied around them. He blinks and opens his mouth to say something, but he's so drained that no sound comes out, and he doesn't know what he's supposed to be feeling anyway. 

Negan follows Rick's gaze to his bound wrists. He takes one of Rick's hands gently and sets it on his knee, undoing the knot easily and tossing the rope to the side. He does the same with the other. Rick's wrists are red and chafed and bleeding in places. It's not a horrible amount of blood, but it _is_ an open wound, and Negan doesn't like it.

"Rick," he says, taking one of his hands and turning it over to look at both sides of his wrist. "You're bleeding. I can stop it, but I'm going to need you to trust me, ok?" 

Rick listens to Negan's words as well as he can, and he isn't sure what he means exactly when he asks him to trust him, but he isn't going to refuse at this point. The offer of help sounds good, and he doesn't really care how it happens. Negan then reaches up and touches Rick's face, trying to make eye contact. Rick looks so close to passing out, Negan hopes he's still coherent enough to hear him. "Okay, Rick?"

He blinks, and looks into Negan's eyes for a moment before dropping them tiredly. "Yeah, okay," he says, swallowing, and looks over at the hay longingly. It looks so soft. 

Negan waits for a moment after Rick answers. Rick's probably too tired to even realize what Negan means, but he said yes, so… Negan raises Rick's right wrist up, nearing his mouth. Rick's blood smells sour. The fear. The exhaustion. It'll still be better than cow blood, but Negan hates the sting of sour blood. It's oozing gently from the scrapes on Rick's wrist. Dark red liquid on sun-kissed skin. Negan flicks his eyes to the other's face quickly, before he sticks his tongue out and licks all the way around Rick's wrist. The blood immediately stops oozing as if frozen in its tracks. 

It's a funny thing, when Negan lifts his wrist up. On some level, Rick knows what's going to happen, but that doesn't make it any less of a shock when Negan licks all around his wrist from vein to vein. Rick stares at his wrist when Negan releases it, turning it this way and that. It's like Negan's saliva is some kind of glue. It's kind of gross, but mostly Rick is just relieved that the area has stopped hurting, strangely. It feels almost numb. What other healing properties does the solution have? 

Clots are forming already as Negan raises the other wrist up and performs the same action. He shudders. The blood’s fear-tinged taste is so harsh on his tongue, but he hasn't had human blood in years, and now his body's craving what it's been missing. It yells at him to _drink_.

Rick catches Negan shudder, and strangely he's slightly offended. Does he taste bad? Oh, god, he's probably so dirty. That's it. Rick looks down, just a bit annoyed that he even _cares_ what Negan thinks.

Negan pushes it down. Not yet. Not yet. He gently sets Rick's hands back down in his lap. "Alright. There you go." He raises his hands to hold Rick's face; he loves the warmth Rick radiates naturally. He wants to touch him forever. Rick just wonders if this is going to become a regular occurrence, Negan holding his face. He's unsure how he feels about that. Negan's hands are slightly cooler than his. But they're large and soft so Rick doesn't mind, he supposes.

"Go to sleep now," Negan says, "I'll be asleep in the morning, but Lucille will be guarding the place all day." It's a slight warning for Rick not to attempt to run while Negan's asleep. Rick listens to his words, and twinges with annoyance. Even if he does, in fact, want to go to sleep. The point about Lucille guarding the place all day though, is… yeah. Rick gets it.

"I'll leave you more food later tonight to wake up to. Okay?"

Rick sighs at the mention of more food. Yes, please. And then Rick shifts and sighs, glad this is all finished. He nods. "Uh-huh. Okay. Th-thank you." He shivers, pulling the blanket thing around his shoulders more, and tries not to fall asleep right there. 

Negan smiles at the thanks he gets and leans forward to place a soft kiss to Rick's forehead. He's not sure why he does it. An instinct? An attempt to comfort? He doesn't know, but as he pulls back, he runs his thumb once more over Rick's cheek. 

Rick cringes back when Negan leans in, but there isn't pain like he expected. Just soft lips on his forehead. He makes a tiny noise of surprise and blinks, his head spinning. What…? Then Negan brushes his cheek again and he huffs softly. 

"Good night, Rick."

Rick watches Negan take his lantern and leave, and then blinks into the blackness that quickly engulfs the barn. He looks at the hay. There's a fair amount of it. It looks kind of dirty and old, but he doesn't care much.

With the last of his energy he goes over and grabs some of it from the pile in the corner and spreads it out a bit so he has more of an even space to lie on. He wants to get more of the blanket under him but he doesn't have the energy so he lies down and curls up, putting one hand under his head and pulling the blanket up close to his chin. 

He's asleep within minutes. 

...

Negan leaves the stall door open and the water pail, still half full, close to Rick. He leaves the collar in the stall as well. A reminder. 

He takes the apple core, feeding it to Daisy as he passes, patting her back. "Good night, girl," he says, and she whinnies softly at him. He goes back inside the house and Lucille lifts her head as he walks in, cocking it to the side - the canine equivalent of an eyebrow raise. She had heard a lot of what had gone on, especially Negan's laugh, and wonders how things had gone.

"I've untied him. He shouldn't run, but be on guard. Don't hurt him unless you're retrieving him, and even then be _gentle,_ " he tells her, putting his satchel away.

Moving to the kitchen, Negan gets out his recipe cards and starts sifting through them. Lucille pads over to him and sits at his feet. "I think he'll adjust with time." Negan pulls out a recipe card for a loaf of bread. He looks over at his new purchases and decides he'll leave Rick with a loaf of bread, a couple of oranges, and the beef jerky. He can't leave him anything hot; it'd be cold by the time he woke, and Rick isn't allowed inside yet, let alone the use of Negan's stove. That's all he needs is a house fire.

Negan gets to work on the bread while Lucille watches.

The night grows deeper.

Wolves howl in the distance. Lucille howls back.

Right before the sun crests the horizon, Negan places the food onto a covered plate and heads out to the barn. His bread turned out perfect and coupled with the oranges and jerky, Negan feels it'll be enough for Rick to survive on until Negan woke up again at dusk.

He also figures that Rick might get bored, and brings a mostly empty sketchbook and a couple of charcoal pencils to leave him with as well. Negan's sketches in the book are just of Lucille and a few landscapes from the view from his porch. Nothing he really cares about. He goes to the back door of the barn, opening it as quietly as the old wood will allow him, and sets down the food and sketchbook inside Rick's stall.

He lets his eyes gaze over the sleeping man, huddled in the hay under the poncho. He watches Rick's chest rise and fall with his even breaths. He wants to touch him. Wants to feel his warmth and hear his heartbeat.

Off in the distance, farther away than Rick would be able to hear, a rooster crows. Negan heads off to bed. Lucille's waiting for him there on the bed, and she waits until he's settled to rest her head on his stomach. She huffs softly. "Good morning, Lucille," Negan says, closing his eyes.


	4. Exploration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick makes a new friend...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that the rating for the story has changed and there's one specific warning for this chapter that you can read in the end notes.

**Wednesday, April 20th, 1881**

Rick wakes with an inhale and a yawn. He's warm but uncomfortable, the prickly straw scratching his mostly-bare body. When he glances around the stall, his eyes land on the collar. With a shiver, all he wants to do is burrow back in under the covers. But he also realizes that he's starving again and needs to use the outhouse. He thinks he saw one behind the house during his… look around… the other day. 

The other day's events come rushing back to him in an embarrassing, painful tangle, and he sighs. He really does hate this barn. And he wonders how his kids are doing. He knows that Lori's parents live in a neighboring town, and the kids have a good relationship with Maggie and Glenn, and his deputy Carol, so they can hopefully help as well. Olivia was the woman Rick had looking after Judith so his daughter should be okay until things settle down. Rick knows that Carl will step up if he needs to, but he doesn't want that for the boy. 

He also wonders if anyone will come looking for him. He has a feeling somebody will, either today or tomorrow. Soon. He mentioned to Carol where he was going, if only briefly, so they know he came here and to several other houses. He doesn't know what'll happen when they come - he doesn't know what he'll _do_ if they come. If they do come and they see him… he doesn't want to think about what Negan would do. 

Negan wanted to be able to stay where he was and not be bothered. Killing a bunch of strangers who come and see Rick would ruin that, and possibly get himself killed. He doesn't want to die, and he doesn't want others to die. So he guesses if they come that he'll just… 

_Argh_. Rick makes a frustrated noise and gets up, pushing the - poncho? - off and brushing hay off his body. He's a little cold, but it's a sunny April day outside so it's not too bad. He wishes he could have his clothes back. He looks around for them but doesn't see them anywhere… Just then he spots something covered by a cloth and then some type of book and… pencils? He looks at both quickly but sets them aside. He lifts the cloth off to reveal a metal plate - and his mouth starts watering. Underneath are bread and oranges and some kind of dried meat? He whimpers and grabs the meat, tearing off a piece with his teeth and chewing gratefully. Flavor fills his mouth and he moans; salt and protein. He needed that. 

Suddenly, he hears a soft snuff coming from the other side of the barn. He stills, but then remembers Daisy. _Daisy_. 

Rick sets the food aside and pokes his head out of the stall. The barn is empty besides the horse and a cat he sees up in the rafters peering down at him, and maybe some birds. Hm. He wonders where that dog is. He doesn't want to be suddenly lunged at by a hundred-and-something pound wolf. Negan had said that Lucille would be… guarding the place. Guarding _him_ , more like. Hopefully that means that he can still get out and walk around a little bit. He'll just be have to be careful. 

He steps out of the stall hesitantly but still lingers inside the barn. It isn't a very large building. Maybe a little bigger than the cabin. It's warmer there than it is in the stall, but not by much. 

Creeping over to Daisy’s stall, he smiles at her when she whinnies at him. "Hey, girl, how're you doing?" he says, a wave of relief falling over him. He opens the gate and goes into the stall, petting her nose and back. She snuffs softly at him, her tail flicking and her ears pointed at him. 

He sighs as he strokes her, dropping his face into her neck. He shudders. She's so warm and soft. And alive. He looks up and sees that there are oats in her trough. Thank god. He didn't know… he didn't _think_... He thought maybe Negan would set her free into the woods to let her maybe wander back to town. He's almost glad she's here. But what'll he do with her when the others arrive? Hmm. He pats her again and strokes down her side. 

"Good girl." He kisses and nuzzles her. "I'll be back, okay?" he says, before going out the back door of the barn. As the sunlight hits him, he sighs again. It's still morning, but the sun is getting high already. Gratefully, he soaks up the warmth. Birds sing and bugs chirp, and the brook bubbles in the distance. The air is sweet… but Rick feels a wave of pain wash over him when he thinks about where he is and where he wants to be. He wonders if he should be thankful he’s alive, if only for now, despite everything that happened and could still happen. Instead he just feels… awful. But, he can’t deal with that now. He should just… not think about it.

He takes a minute to collect himself before he starts walking again. Should he be 

The outhouse is a tiny shed hidden behind a stout, thick pine tree. Rick wonders if Negan ever uses it, then he shakes his head and reminds himself that he doesn't care nor want to think about the peculiars of Negan's biology. As he's leaving, he brushes his hands off on the wet grass and thinks that he probably wants to clean himself up in the stream at some point.

But right now his stomach is grumbling, and the meat is not enough to sate him. He heads back into the barn and the little stall. When he sees the collar, he stops and glares at it angrily before snatching it up in both hands. He wants to rip it apart or destroy it using any means necessary. But it's heavy leather, and, after last night, he knows if he does anything to it… it wouldn't be good. His shoulders slump in defeat. 

Rick looks out of the stall at Negan's workbench. There are tools there, ones Rick doesn't want to think about too hard. There's a table and space underneath for supplies. He doesn't want to annoy Negan again, but he can't bear to think about the collar being visible any longer. 

He groans and presses his fist to his forehead, then between his teeth. He bites down on his knuckles until it hurts, until he can't take the pain. He wants it to hurt.

There are deep red indents where his teeth were. Good. He wipes his eyes with his palm and looks at the collar. It has a buckle at the back with a small loop that pokes out. Rick blinks at the strange feature until he realizes - it's for a lock. He closes his eyes and whines low, pressing the collar to his forehead. 

_Fuck_.

He wants to hurl the terrible thing into the rafters. He wants to take an axe to it and chop it into bits. He wants to burn it and dump the ashes in the creek. 

Instead, he reaches back behind the bench and drops it there so it falls to the floor. Easily reachable - probably - from the floor under the table, but still mixed in with junk and whatever garbage is back there. He shakes his head and wipes his hands on his shorts, needing even the slightest trace of it scrubbed from his skin, and feeling a faint sense of satisfaction as he does so. 

Rick looks down at his clothes with a wince. He knew Negan left him only in underwear and he doesn't care _that_ much… but he still really just… wants his clothes back. He doesn't feel that embarrassed because nobody's around - except his horse - but still. Sighing, he retreats back into the stall - _his_ stall. Grabbing the cup floating in the water bucket, he drinks a few cupfuls down before he takes the loaf of bread and tears a big chunk off. Cross-legged, he eats in silence for several minutes, wolfing the food down. The bread is _good_. It's soft, fresh, hearty, and fills him up. He eats until he's full and sets the rest of the bread back. For a moment, he pauses and takes an orange in his hand, considering it. It's bright and heavy and smells sweet when he lifts it to his nose. His mouth waters but he swallows and puts it back. He'll save that for later, if later comes. 

Once more exiting his stall, he looks toward the large front door. Daisy looks at him curiously, and he looks then to the back door. Now that he's eaten, he's more aware of his situation. He doesn't… _want_ to be jumped by Lucille, but he doesn't know how far he can go without her getting upset with him. Negan said she would be guarding the place but what does that mean? He wants to clean himself off at the creek but maybe that would be too far for her. He made it to the outhouse okay, but that would be expected, right? The creek isn't _too_ far from the house, but he doesn't want to let his guard down while he's trying to wash dirt off himself. 

He goes up to Daisy again and pets her nose. "Shhh," he says, and then leaves the barn. 

Cautiously, he looks around the yard. It seems deserted. He scans the trees and doesn't see anything there either. He looks towards the cabin; all quiet. Trying to stay silent, Rick walks up the path to the house. He eyes it nervously - expecting to see Negan in the window any second. 

He goes up the steps successfully, attempting not to make the wood squeak, though he doesn't think he totally succeeds there. It's only when he gets closer that he notices that the windows are covered by black blinds. A shiver runs up his spine, but he tries not to think about it. After looking around again, he sighs, opting to sit to the left of the door where there's an empty space on the porch.

Now he wants Lucille to come out. He wants to be as non-threatening as possible so that he can get any growly, sniffy, territorial-greeting nuisance out of the way without being nipped at or whatever might await him if he crosses some invisible barrier around the property. And, hey, he _wants_ her to like him - maybe. He thinks that she already does, but… At the very least he wants to make sure she's aware of him, wherever she is. As long as that happens, he thinks that he's fine to explore a little more. 

While he waits, he takes a look at his hands. There are still lacerations on them from the previous day, but they've begun to scab, thanks, he thinks, to Negan's saliva. Rick shivers. He doesn't know why Negan didn't just clean him up the normal way with water and bandages, or not heal him at all. But he supposes that was just the easiest thing to do. And if they get infected, then that's probably not good for Rick's blood, if Negan ever wants any of it. Rick huffs and puts his hands down, trying not to think about that either. 

He looks at the road leading up to the cabin. He doesn't expect to see or hear anyone yet, but he wants to be ready when they come. He glances to the door of the cabin and then back, thinking. 

...

Lucille's ear twitches at the sounds of bird calls and bug chirps as she dozes on Negan. She's asleep, but ever alert. She likes being near him while he rests. Likes protecting him. He takes good care of her, and so she does the same in return. Not as a job, and not as a duty, but because she wants to. 

Some nights she catches Negan looking at the collars and tags on the wall. The past Lucilles. He doesn't say anything. Just gazes at them, touching the cool metal disks, the hard leather or soft fabric. Just taking a moment to remember. To pay his respects.

Lucille isn't saddened by this. She knows Negan will outlive her, as he's done everyone else in his life. That is his burden to bear. But Lucille knows her own collar will be added to the rest. She knows he will look upon it many times years after she's gone. Remembering.

She wants to give him good memories of her.

So, when she hears the sounds of Rick waking up and moving around in the barn, she lifts her head and tunes in. Negan told her to watch the man. Keep him secret. Keep him safe. And so, she shall.

She listens to Rick scuffle around the barn, go out back, not too far, go back to the barn. After he's stayed still for a while, she’s about to lay her head down again when suddenly he's moving towards the front. Her tail flicks up. Gently, she gets off Negan and pads to the front of the house, nails clicking on the wood floor.

Rick is on the porch. She can hear him. Smell him. Lucille positions herself in front of the door, crouched down, teeth bared, but not making a sound. He is _not_ allowed inside, she's been told. Lucille does like the other man, can tell that beneath his fear he is nice, but that doesn't mean she's going to disobey Negan.

But Rick doesn't try to come in. He's still on the porch, but he's not moving. Lucille tilts her head. _Interesting_.

Outside, Rick can hear it faintly when Lucille stirs. He can hear her soft padding on the wood of the cabin interior. He stiffens, wondering if this was a bad idea. He glances to the right; he could easily fit under the railing and drop to the ground - but he could never outrun her.

Lucille waits a moment, making sure he isn't doing anything, before she moves to the door, pushing it open with her snout. It creaks and Rick looks over, eyes wide. Within a split second, Lucille jumps into a defense position, facing him, growing softly as she assesses him quickly.

" _AH!"_ he cries, scrambling back to the edge of the porch. He stares at her with his heart beating hard in his chest, breathing quickly as she growls. It's a soft growl, but it nevertheless terrifies him. Why is she so defensive all of a sudden? She seemed perfectly happy to sniff about him the other night with her tongue lolling and her tail wagging. What's different now? That he's close to the house? _Jesus_. 

Breathing hard, Rick resists the urge to stand up and run. He knows this animal could kill him in an instant and there would be nothing he could do about it. He stays rigid, not wanting to make her think he's about to move against her. 

Lucille watches him. He isn't throwing off any threatening vibes; quite the opposite actually. He seems to be making himself as low as he can, and with Lucille's size, even sitting down seems to dwarf the man beneath her. She moves closer slowly, not sure yet. He _had_ tried to talk to her back in the barn last night. Perhaps, he wanted to get on her good side.

Tensely, Rick exhales, but then shifts up when he thinks she probably isn't going to attack him. She gets closer, and he swallows when her snout is a foot from his face. He leans against the large wood logs of the cabin and braces himself against the deck planks.

The wolf sniffs at Rick's hair, making him close his eyes in preparation, and then she moves down his face and neck, touching the skin there with her cold nose. He whimpers and jerks when she touches his throat. _Oh god, oh god_. 

She brings her head back up and looks him in the eyes with her golden ones for a minute, seemingly searching his soul. Hesitantly, he looks back at her, unsure what she wants. He barely breathes.

Then she appears to find what she's looking for, suddenly relaxing and licking Rick's face. Rick exhales in a rush and smiles, again hesitantly, closing his eyes when her massive tongue swipes near them. She head-butts his jaw playfully, and he laughs softly before watching at her pant. He wonders if he could just… He carefully reaches up to touch her fur, then pets and scratches her gently. Lucille immediately pants in pleasure, her tail thumping happily on the porch. She leans into his hands, loving the attention.

"Hey," he says with a small laugh. "Hey, girl. You don't think I'm about to break in, huh? Because I wasn't." He looks into her eyes as he pets her. "See. I'm not gonna do anything." 

Lucille chuffs at his words. She didn't know what he'd been planning, but she saw now that he knows how to listen to rules. Negan would like that.

Rick relaxes back, leaning against the house again, and looks out into the yard, appreciating the soft noises Lucille's making - much better than her growling and sniffing at him. There's a slight breeze that sways the trees, and the grass is long and soft looking in the yard. He hears an eagle cry overhead, and he looks at it as it flies over the trees and down into the valley. 

He swallows, envying its freedom. He looks over to Lucille again.

"You like it here, huh?" he asks her, and she swishes her tail; _Of course_ , she thinks. Who wouldn't? 

Sighing, he scratches his hair and remembers what he came up here to do. "Right." With another sigh, he looks at her. "I need to go to the creek, okay?" He isn't sure what he's waiting for, but he watches her face anyway. 

Lucille bounces happily with a small bark. Yes! That's fine! Rick watches with relieved amusement at her body language, which is open and playful. She taps her head against his face again, drawing another grin from him. Backing up, she lowers her chest to the floor and wiggles her rump in the air. He laughs at her and she turns and jumps over the stairs of the porch, looking back at him and repeating the same position of chest down, tail up, behind wiggling. " _Come! Come!"_ she barks, running her front paws in place.

"Okay, okay!" he says with another laugh, getting up and stretching. He follows her down the way and around the house. He glances back up at it - with the blacked out windows - and feels something sticky and dark in his chest, but tries to ignore the feeling.

Lucille leads the way excitedly, running in zigzags in front of Rick and glancing back to make sure he's following. He watches her run and bark with a sense of relief. She seems harmless enough, and he thinks it's a win for him that he won her over. Maybe that means she won't maul him to death if Negan orders her to. 

The creek isn't far from the house - really only a few steps, and the grass is thick and green like a carpet. Rick inhales the sweet early afternoon air and looks around at the forest. There isn't a lot of underbrush here, but the trees are numerous and wide. 

When they reach the water, Lucille barks happily. She rubs against Rick's leg, licking at his hand, and he laughs and pets her, scratching his nails down her fur gently. Then she bounds straight into the creek, splashing water five feet in all direction with an enormous noise. Rick laughs, trying not to get wet himself. She rolls in the clear water, soaking her fur, before standing and shaking it all out. 

Watching her get wet urges Rick forward and he goes to the side to sit down at the edge, letting his legs hang into the cool, clear water. The sensation is rejuvenating, and he washes his hands and then drinks by cupping them together and bringing the water to his lips. The water is sweeter than he's ever tasted, and he drinks his fill. 

When Lucille sees him come to the water, she bounds over to him. Laughing, he scoops water into his hair and brushes it through before shaking his head like a dog, sending little droplets flying. Lucille barks at him and splashes her front paws in the water. 

" _Hey!"_ Rick says with a laugh as she splashes him. "I'm _trying_ to stay dry here..." 

Her tongue lolling out, she chuffs happily. She likes this man. She likes having someone to run around with in the daytime. Still, though, she’s careful and keeps close to him. She knows she can't let him go very far past the creek, but as long as he stays on the side with the house, it's okay. Too excited to sit still, she settles down in a patch of sun next to Rick, limiting her movement to whole body wiggles against him.

Once Lucille calms down at his side, Rick washes himself more thoroughly and shivers when her warm body moves against his. Lucille is very, very big, and that fact is only made more obvious when she's lying right beside him. Stretched out, she's probably twice his height, and her midsection is twice as thick as his. She could probably eat him for dinner and still be hungry. 

"Hey, hey," he says, patting her. "Do you ever run out of energy?" He laughs. Lucille huffs but leans into the pats. He has soft, warm hands. Negan's hands are gentle, but they're cold. Lucille doesn't mind it - she usually runs hot anyway - but feeling warmth from another being is a wonderful experience.

Oh, she hopes Rick stays around for a long time.

Rick sighs, enjoying the feel of sunlight on his back and wet hair, the soft green grass under him. And then he wonders about his kids again suddenly. 

He tries to remember what day it is. All sense of reality seems skewed for him. It feels like a month since he set off with the intention of being back before supper. Really it's been less than a day. Yesterday was Monday, he thinks. So Carl would be going to school today, hopefully. Some kids' parents need them to drop out of school young, but Rick wanted Carl to stay in as long as possible. Even in a little town like theirs, having an education is worth something. Maybe he could even move to a bigger city and make a better living there. Something more than Rick could provide him.

Sighing with frustration, Rick lies back on the grass and lets the water cool his feet as he puts an arm over his eyes to shade them from the sun. He soaks up the warmth and lets himself doze, thinking about lunch and those oranges in the barn. There’s a knot of anxiety in his stomach about the eventual evening and Negan coming out from his apparent slumber - but he'll deal with that when it happens. 

Lucille senses a bit of a change in Rick's mood. It's not fear exactly, but something close to it. She whines lightly and puts her head on his stomach, gazing at his face.

Rick flinches slightly at the motion and has to remind himself to stay calm. Her head is _large_ and heavy, and she has too many sharp teeth to count and an impossibly powerful jaw with which to snap them shut… and the last thing he wants is getting anything caught between them. 

But she looks almost… sad, when she whines at him with her large honey eyes, and he can't stay scared of her. 

"Aw, hey…" he says, hesitantly petting her head and giving her scritches, his hand settling on her shoulders and squeezing, enjoying her company and being in her good graces. She leans into his hands and noses at his chin, listening to him. "I'm okay," he assures her, "Just a little homesick, that's all." He smiles at her. "I mean, I _would_ like to go home. Badly. But your vampire friend won't let me and I don't..." Rick keeps his tone light. She can't understand him. She's just a dog. She can't. That's impossible. 

"I have kids, you know."

Lucille didn't know that he had pups. 

"And what are they going to do without me there? They're going to think I'm dead and then—" He's getting angry now. He sighs harshly and rubs her fur, trying to reinforce that he's okay. "And then, yeah, Lori'll come back but Carl'll probably quit school and find a job to support the family and I _don't want that for him_." 

Lucille knows that Rick can't leave because if Negan's secret gets out, they'll have to move to stay safe. Lucille hates moving. She likes it _here!_ The creek is cool, the land is warm, and the forest is full of wildlife. Can't Rick see that it isn't so bad here?

Negan's fair. Maybe if Rick asks nicely, Negan will allow him to see his pups.

Lucille will ask Negan for Rick. It's the least she can do.

"And who'll read bedtime stories to Judy and cuddle with her and be her father? They're going to miss me and I'm right _here_ and if Negan would just let me go I _swear_ I wouldn't tell anyone about him. I wouldn't." He has to cover his face as a wave of emotion rolls over him. 

As Rick covers his face, Lucille whines louder and scoots farther up his body, practically covering him with hers. 

"Oof!" Rick says as Lucille just about sits on him. She's _heavy_ , but thankfully not enough to crush him, and he's oddly appreciative of her weight pinning him to the ground. She licks at his hands and butts her snout against him with quiet chuffs, trying to tell him it will be alright. He half-laughs half-sobs as she licks his hands, and for some reason he feels better as she nuzzles him. Humming, he gratefully brushes her back and head. 

"Thank you, Lucy," he says softly, looking into her eyes, and she chuffs at him again. He smiles and lays his head back, petting her and listening to her panting over the bubbling of the brook behind them. 

He lies there in the sun for what seems like an hour, until his stomach growls at him again and he sighs. Lucille can feel it when his stomach grumbles beneath her.

"Okay, Lucy. I need to have something to eat again, so I need to get up." He chuckles and rubs her fur, shoving her slightly to encourage her to hop off. He isn't sure he can push her off himself unless she wants to go. Lucille huffs. She doesn't want to get up. It’s warm and comfy on top of Rick, with the sun on her back, and the cool breeze blowing through her fur. But then he's pushing on her and asking nicely. Now it’s Lucille’s turn to sigh.

More out of annoyance than anger, she growls softly, but Rick still feels a spike of anxiety until she gets up and stands over him. She hovers her snout above his face for a second before she licks him, making him laugh. Chuffing, she walks back to the creek to get a quick drink, and Rick sits up and watches her, before sighing. He stands up, shaking the water from his legs. 

Lucille goes over to a tree as she waits for Rick, reaching up and digging her claws into it, dragging them down the bark. It _is_ more of a feline maneuver, as she's seen the barn cats do it now and then, but she likes the feeling of it too. She takes large chunks of wood out of the tree as her claws gouge it deeply.

When Rick hears the scratching, he looks up with alarm, but relaxes marginally when he sees that it's just Lucille. He swallows, watching her tear the bark off the side, her long, strong legs flexing powerfully. She looks all the _more_ massive stretched out like that, and it makes Rick shiver. She drops back to the ground and looks to Rick, ready to follow him wherever he wants to go, and when he goes back to the barn, he hears her trot along behind him. 

It's sunny and warm inside now, and he sighs. It's nice, but he still wishes he had his clothes so he could be warmer. As he shivers slightly, he notices that his hat is hanging by his stall. He didn't see it before, and he rolls his eyes. Well, at least he has his _hat_. 

He goes into the stall and sees Lucille go down the other way. While he grabs an orange and a chunk of bread, Lucille goes to say hi to Daisy. She barks softly up at the horse, rising on her back legs to lick at the horse's neck in greeting. She drops back to the ground and runs in circles in front of Daisy before stopping and dropping her chest down, wagging her tail in excitement.

Lucille hopes Negan will let Daisy come out and play one day. She knows he wants to eat her, but Lucille is determined to fight him on it.

Rick glances to Lucille as he exits, but she seems preoccupied so he leaves her to it. He puts his hand up to shield his face as he steps out into the open air. The backyard is a slightly up-tilting meadow area with clean, tall grass and scattered flowers. The outhouse is off to the right side behind the trees, to his left the brook bubbles past the house and the grass, and sunlight warms the entire area. It's beautiful, but he wonders… 

_Oh_. He hadn't spotted it before, but there's a large low pine tree off in the corner of the yard that he likes the look of. It stands about maybe twice as tall as the cabin and twice as wide. The base is large and sturdy and it looks to have thick, strong branches as low as his head. Not so far up that he'd have to scale the trunk, though, as he thinks he can grab one and pull himself up without much effort… and then climb up higher if he wants, seeing as the branches go all the way up. It’s still on the property, but he isn't sure if Lucille would be too happy about him climbing it. It's not like he can go anywhere else once he climbs up. But she might still think he's trying to escape somehow. 

He sighs. He isn't sure if wolves can climb trees, but it's not like he could climb a tree to get away from this place. And he knows that they could both kill him or drag him back from wherever he might try to run to if they wanted. 

He taps the orange contemplatively, wondering if it's worth it to try. He doesn't want Lucille to growl at him for it. But oh, how much he wants to be up in those branches. He thinks that he wouldn't feel quite so much like he was being kept a prisoner here under constant surveillance if he could have some place to himself to go high up like that away from the rest of the place. 

...

Lucille is about to follow Rick outside once she sees him leave, but after she says goodbye to Daisy and trots to follow him, she stops before reaching the door. She smells something. It smells like Negan, and a little Rick, and a lot leather. It's something new.

She follows her nose to the workbench in the corner, pawing and using her snout to sort through the items that are laying underneath it. It's only a moment before she finds a leather collar. It's obviously not for Negan, so it must be for Rick! Lucille is overjoyed! Rick will have a collar just like her and the other Lucilles so he will be remembered forever. Picking it up gently in her teeth, she pulls it out and trots happily outside to Rick, excited at her find.

She sits at his feet and looks up at him, barking with her mouth closed and showing him her find, tail wagging happily.

Rick nearly drops the food he's holding when he sees Lucille sitting by him - with the collar in her mouth, and her tail wagging and barking happily. He's immediately thunderous, but he doesn't say anything right away. Growling, he glares at her and then rubs his face. 

" _No…_ " he says quietly, deflating. He puts the food down in the grass and looks at her. "Lucille," he says sternly but gently. "I don't want that. I put it over there because I didn't want it. I don't want to see it. Can I have it please?" he asks, holding his hand out towards her snout. 

Lucille tilts her head at Rick, confused. Doesn't want it? She knows he's still afraid of Negan, but surely he understands the importance of a collar. Maybe he needs to be shown that she has one too. They can match!

With Rick's collar still in her mouth, she raises her head up and shakes her neck, showing him her collar. It hides easily beneath her thick fur, but it's there, with the thick leather and metal tag. She whines at him, pawing the ground. _See. I have one._

Rick grimaces when she shows him her own collar, and he can't help the tired, pained expression on his face. Especially when he sees the metal tag. The collar she holds between her teeth has a ring on the front but no tag - and Rick wouldn't put it past Negan to attach one. He makes a frustrated noise. 

"I see that. Yours is very nice. But I am not wearing this one. Not if I can help it anyway." He holds his hand out again. "Give it," he says, keeping his tone firm but still friendly. 

Lucille whines. Now that she's afraid he's going to do something to it and hurt it, she doesn’t want to give him the collar. Rick looks at Lucille in suspicious confusion. Why doesn't she want to give it to him?

She growls at him and bounds off, and he frowns at her and then stares as she runs towards the large pine tree in the corner of the yard. He has no idea what she's going to do with it, until she stops under the tree and looks around. She sniffs the ground for a moment. She buried a rabbit around here somewhere and she doesn't want to dig it back up yet. Confident she's found an empty spot, she begins to dig into the ground.

Rick stares at her dumbfounded. She's going to… bury it? 

He's at first annoyed. He liked that tree. 

But then he starts to grin. 

_Oh, yes_. Yes, this is perfect. 

He laughs quietly to himself. 

Let the dog bury the damn collar. Let her bury it deep in the ground. Negan'll _love_ that. And now he doesn't have to hide it out of spite himself. Oh, he doesn't think this'll keep Negan from wanting to put it on him - But at least it won't be his fault now that it's in an inconvenient location, covered in dirt and who knows what else. 

He smirks to himself and grabs the bread, brushing it off and tearing off a piece. He pops it into his mouth and eats it as he watches her. 

Lucille buries the collar rather shallowly. She knows Negan will want it later, so she doesn't want it too deep. She steps on the little mound of dirt it makes, patting it down. She hopes Negan appreciates her work. 

Rick watches her with amusement. Alright, well, whatever makes her happy.

She trots back over to Rick when she's done, but as she sits down by him, she huffs and turns her head away, looking rightly offended.

Rick smirks at her, putting on a fake air of confusion. "Oh, you're finished that quickly, huh? Didn't wanna make it _too_ difficult for Negan to get it again, huh?" He chuckles and Lucille huffs. He eats some more bread. When he's done, he grabs the orange and goes over to the tree. Lucille watches him carefully and runs ahead, standing over the spot she buried the collar. No way is he gonna dig it up. Not on her watch.

He walks through the tall grass, looking up at the tree with a purpose. As he approaches it, he takes a quick cursory glance at the pile of dirt at the base. He sniffs and looks up at the branches. Okay. He isn't sure how easy it'll be to climb up with food in his hands and without any pockets, but he's gonna try. 

Oh wait. He has a brilliant idea. 

He sets the food down and takes off his shirt. He puts the bread and orange in the shirt carefully and wraps it around his neck so that the food is on his back. He then ties the shirt around his neck. 

Perfect. 

Lucille watches him curiously as he removes his shirt and wraps his food in it and then wraps it around his neck. _What the—_

Thus having the use of both of his hands, Rick steps back and then runs forward, leaping and grabbing a branch. He pulls himself up to the lowest one and laughs to himself, pleased. On the ground, Lucille gasps, startled. He climbs up one more and is about to settle down with his lunch when he sees a peek of blue sky from the altogether higher locale. And then he wonders. 

Lucille shifts nervously. Do all humans do this? Is this safe? She thinks that's as high as he's going to go, and then…

Rick quickly unties his shirt and sets it down on the branch. And then he climbs. The tree isn't as tall as some of them but it is quite high. He climbs as far as he can up the tree and manages to get his upper body out of the needles by standing up on one and clinging to a swaying branch. He shivers when he looks down, but then he looks over and gasps. 

Before him is miles and miles of thick California forest. It's sparse in some places but overall it's a sea of green, with the tan of the grassland in the distance. And there, down in the valley, is the town. Rick whines, thinking he can see horses and stagecoaches. He wonders if they can see him, but knows if anything he would be a speck, indeterminable from anything else. He sighs and enjoys the fresh air, the gusts of wind that ruffle his damp hair and brush past his bare skin. 

He wants to stay up here for hours. 

On the ground, Lucille's started barking. Her paws move antsily in place. She doesn't like him up there. It's too high. What if he falls? Oh, god. Should she wake up Negan?

Lucille paces in front of the tree, keeping her eye on Rick, whining and barking. " _Get down!"_ she barks. She wishes she could grab the man by the scruff of the neck and drag him back down to the ground. She puts her front paws up on the trunk of the tree, digging her claws in. " _Don't make me come up there!"_

Rick laughs. Yeah that's _right_. Dumb dog. He climbed up here and what's she going to do about it? 

He smirks. 

But he doesn't want to risk her climbing up here and trying to drag him back down. He grumbles, annoyed. Jesus. It's _fine—_

A particularly strong gust of wind makes him sway and he grabs onto the branches tighter before sighing and climbing back down to the branch the food is on. 

" _There,"_ he says. "Is this better? Is this alright?" he asks sarcastically, rolling his eyes but keeping an eye on her. 

Lucille glares at Rick and he smirks down at her. She stops barking, instead, growling softly, and puts all four feet back on the ground. She _guesses_ this is better. At least she can see him well enough and it wouldn't be as bad if he fell from this height.

Still.

Lucille is concerned.

She takes a few steps back and runs at the tree, imitating the way Rick had started off. She digs her claws in and climbs to the lowest branch, right under Rick. She chuffs at him, " _This is fine,_ " before settling down on the branch.

"Hey, girl," he says amiably. "Not so bad up here, is it?" He grins and reaches his hand out for her to sniff, not wanting to just start petting her when she's just growled at him. She doesn't look _too_ upset, so he thinks he's probably in the clear. He likes that she's up here. He likes her company actually, and, strangely, he feels safer when she's around. Now at least. From other animals. Probably. 

Lucille sniffs at the offered hand, bumping it with her snout and huffing exaggeratedly. Rick smiles at her and rubs the top of her snout, scratching around her ears and neck with his hand. He rubs her neck around her collar and pets her contentedly. She's warm and a little dusty, but her coat is glossy and beautiful. Her ears are so soft, and he marvels at the velvety fur there, stroking them softly.

Lucille’s tail thumps and her back leg twitches as Rick scratches at her ears in all the _perfect_ spots. _Aww yeah. Right there._ When he takes his hand away, she chuffs and pants, putting her head down on her paws and closing her eyes. It _is_ kind of relaxing up here, she thinks. The wind passes through the branches with a soft shushing noise, birds chirp, and crickets play their violins. Rick is above her, breathing and living. If she focuses hard enough, she can hear the soft sound of his heartbeat. Negan doesn’t have a heartbeat, she thinks, and sighs. This is nice.

Rick hums and grabs his impromptu bag, taking the bread out. He takes a bite straight from the loaf as he settles onto the branch. One foot is situated on a knot in the wood, the other hanging down, and his back fits smoothly into the soft bark and round trunk of the tree. Lucille hums contently and raises her head to nose softly at his hanging foot, rubbing her head against it. Laughing at the ticklish sensation of her soft fur against the soul of his foot, Rick pulls his foot back. 

When he's eaten down to the last third of the bread, he puts it away and finally grabs the orange. His treat, he thinks with a smirk. Well, it is a rather expensive item around here. They usually make do with apples around the house. 

He digs his nail into the soft rind of the fruit until bright juice pools, and then tugs out so the fruit separates. Lucille looks up when he breaks open the orange, the smell attracting her. She doesn't think she'd ever smelt something like that before. It's almost like the lemons Negan used to make lemonade, but a little sweeter.

Rick peels the whole orange before carefully breaking apart the sections and popping one into his mouth. He smiles as sweet juice floods onto his tongue. He can't remember the last time he had one. 

While he polishes off the rest of the orange, he watches birds fly past and occasionally land in the branches. Rick can hear so many of them but most are hidden in the surrounding trees. He doubts that Negan has a book for identifying bird species, and if he doesn't then Rick thinks he might want one in the future. If he's going to be cooped up here for who knows how long then he wants to keep busy somehow. 

Lucille looks up when Rick drops his hand down and she licks the juice off it excitedly. Mmm. She settles back down on her branch then, tail swinging lazily off of it.

Eventually, as the sun gets a little lower in the sky, Rick decides it's time to get down and maybe find somewhere a little more comfortable to sit. He stretches, yawns, and packs the orange peel and bread into his shirt. He climbs down then, patting and scratching Lucille as he goes. Lucille makes a start-up noise as Rick pats her, lifting her head and blinking lazily at him. She yawns and stretches her front paws out on the branch, jumping down and rolling in the warm grass to scratch her back.

Once Rick's down, he wriggles his toes on the soft grass and glances to the mound of dirt again. He frowns at it and shakes his head, going back into the barn. 

Lucille rolls around in the grass a bit more, and when she flips back over, she looks up at the sky. The sun's getting lower, but it'll still be a bit before Negan wakes up. She wonders if he's going to get up early or not. It isn't summer yet, so the nights are still pretty long, but now Rick is here, and Lucille knows Negan has to be excited about that.

As Rick heads into the barn, Lucille decides to leave him be for a moment, checking on her buried collar and patting it down some more. She sniffs around the area, chomping down on some grass, chasing a few bugs, just stretching out her muscles and enjoying the day.

In the barn, Rick puts the bread back on the plate and debates for a second before putting the orange peel there too. He isn't sure what to do with it otherwise, and he doesn't want to get yelled at for throwing it into the forest for some reason. Pulling his shirt on, he sighs and then notices the sketchbook again. 

Humming, he picks it up and examines it. He flips through the pages, and he's surprised when he comes across drawings - his eyes widen and then narrow curiously. One of them looks like it's of Lucille. Rick admires the artistry, and wonders… wonders about the man who drew it. 

He flips through further pages and finds a few landscapes that look like they were drawn from the porch of the cabin. It makes Rick feel odd to know that... that _vampire_ held this book in his hands and drew the forest. And now gave it to him? However temporarily. It's strange. 

Rick sets the book down again as he contemplates that, needing a break. He goes to Daisy's stall and greets her gently as she neighs softly at him. Glancing at her trough, he starts when he sees that it's empty. Her water pail is empty as well. 

" _Dammit_ ," he says, feeling guilt course through him that he didn't think of that. Of course that thing in the house wouldn't think that a horse weighing over a thousand pounds would need more than a bag of oats and a bucket of water. "Hold on, girl," he says, and opens the gate. Then he realizes he needs her halter. But the only one available is a riding halter with a bit. _Dammit_.

He looks around, and spots the workbench. _Oh please, oh please_ , he thinks as he goes over and looks around. Thankfully under the bench is a long coil of rope. He doesn't have much choice so he ties a small loop to one end and goes back to Daisy. 

"Hey… here we go," he says at her sniffing nose and wide, trusting eyes, carefully getting the rope around her neck. He feeds the end of the rope through the loop at the end, and then he leads her out front, knowing it's the closest way to the stream. He would have refilled her bucket, but he knows that she drinks about ten gallons of water a day and she also needs to eat something - and that something is Negan's yard, so it's just easier to take her there now. 

Lucille hears the creak of the barn door open and pauses mid-romp. She turns her head and flicks her tail, wondering why Rick's opening it. Spitting out the butterfly she'd been eating, she quickly goes back towards and around the barn. 

There, she sees Rick leading Daisy outside, and she barks once in glee. Rick jumps, surprised, but then she's trotting up to them, looking up and panting at Daisy. " _Friend!"_ she chuffs, running around them. Rick relaxes, watching her pant happily. 

Lucille wonders if this is alright, if Negan would object to this, but it doesn't look like Rick is going to try to ride Daisy away, so Lucille'll allow it. As much as it would pain her, she knows that if Rick would try to escape on Daisy, one snap of Lucille's jaws could fell the horse in a second. She suspects Rick knows this, too.

Rick leads Daisy to the stream and rubs her as she drinks for several minutes. When she's finished, he takes her to the meadow that is Negan's yard out back. "There you go, honey," he says as she starts to graze. "There you go." 

He looks coolly at the cabin. He doesn't know what Negan plans on doing with the horse, but she can't stay here unless he's willing to feed her or let her graze freely, maybe with a fence around a square mile of property. And what would he want with a horse anyway? It's not like he needs her. Rick would rather she be brought back to town somehow than be kept here or killed. 

Sighing, he ties her long lead to a nearby tree before sitting down on the bank to watch her. 

Lucille goes back to doing what she was doing, gnawing on grass and chasing bugs, only this time she's doing it while running around and under Daisy. 

" _Lucy_ ," Rick says sternly when Lucille comes over and starts running around the horse, whose ears are pinned back and who's flicking her tail nervously. "Leave Daisy alone. Come on…" he says, getting up and walking over with his hands on his hips - sheriff-about-to-stop-some-trouble style. Lucille barks at him and wags her tail, but doesn't listen to him, continuing to run around, and he's reluctant to try and shoo her away.

There's a moment when she gets the idea to jump on top of Daisy - even wiggles her rear as she gets ready - but decides maybe it's a bad idea at the last second, watching Rick watch her tensely. Rick just hopes that Lucille isn't going to do more than annoy the horse. 

After a few minutes, Lucille feels thirsty so she goes to the creek to get a drink. When she leaves, Rick goes over to stroke Daisy and calm her down, petting her muzzle gently.

Lucille's lifting her head from a drink and licking her lips when a sharp, metallic, _snap_ goes off in the thicker part of the trees across the way. She stops and listens, ears tuning in.

Rick isn't really paying attention to Lucille when he hears a loud snap over the creek and in the forest. His head jerks up and he stares at the spot, his heart beating faster. And then Lucille leaps over the creek and rushes into the forest, and Rick grabs Daisy's rope, startled. Daisy's ears had pricked up, and she's looking at the spot too, her tail swishing. Rick doesn't think she's about to bolt anywhere, but you can never be too certain with horses. 

He scans the forest, trying to see any hint of what the noise was. It almost sounded like a _trap_ to him. But what would Negan need a trap for? Rick thought he was perfectly fine feeding on cows and whatever wildlife he can catch without traps probably, and if the animal dies then the blood's no good. And Negan's sleeping so… unless it's for Lucille, which Rick could understand. Or maybe he sells the meat. Rick exhales tightly. He wants to go investigate, but he knows he can't - and he's still in his shorts so what good would that do? 

He continues stroking and speaking softly to Daisy while he waits anxiously for any sign of Lucille. He wonders, with a very real sense of fear that he tries to suffocate, if it's another wolf. One as big as Lucille. What if they end up fighting and run into the clearing? God, Rick doesn't care what he is and isn't supposed to do; if that happened he would run into that cabin as fast as his legs could carry him. 

In the forest, Lucille follows her nose towards the familiar tangy and metallic scent of blood. She weaves around trees with expert precision as she searches for it. Her paws crunch on the dry ground. She stops. The sound of high pitched whimpering is close by. Her ears twitch.

It's only several minutes later that Lucille walks proudly back out of the forest - with a whole trap swinging by an attached chain from her mouth. Caught in the trap is a large rabbit, still alive and struggling. The trap is designed to entangle, not kill.

Rick makes a horrified, disgusted noise when he sees Lucille canter out of the forest with the trap swinging beneath her jaws from a length of chain. The rabbit caught in it is struggling and whining, blood dripping from the poor animal's mangled body.

Lucille leaps over the creek and brings the trap to Rick, grinning around the chain in her mouth.

"Lucille…" he says despairingly. "What did you do, huh? Is that one of Negan's traps?" 

She arfs around the chain in her mouth. Lucille can sense that Rick isn't too happy about her catch. Usually, Negan praises her for a job well done. _Rick_ seems to be chastising her.

Rick leaves Daisy, who's looking at the rabbit curiously, and goes up to Lucille, holding his hand out. She takes a step back from his hand, whining. She did a good job! It's her catch! She growls before running away, dashing into the barn. Rick watches as she runs, but doesn't follow. Let her tear it up for all he cares. As long as it doesn't suffer much longer. He can't stop her from killing it anyway, and he wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of those teeth. He likes Lucille, but he still doesn't know her well enough to interfere.

In the barn, Lucille drops the trap on the ground, right in front of Rick's stall. The rabbit squeaks and struggles, it's back leg bent at a right angle and bleeding, caught in the trap. It struggles to get away, its front paws clawing at the dirt.

It doesn't get far.

Lucille leans down and digs right into the belly meat of the rabbit with her sharp teeth. There's one last squeak from it before it falls still, and then Lucille rips into the flesh, blood splattering the ground in front of it. She feasts happily, licking her lips before diving in for more.

Rick hears Lucille killing the poor creature and then the growling and tearing sounds. 

Jesus. 

He hopes she isn't doing that where he sleeps, but from the depth of the noise, he thinks she probably is. He sighs and goes to investigate. 

The floor of the barn is a bloody mess, and Lucille is chomping on a bone covered in blood. He winces. 

"Well I'm glad you enjoyed your dinner," he says. "And thanks for not playing with it any longer, I guess." He sighs. "I don't mind that you caught it, okay? I know you have to eat, too. Just, maybe… kill it quick, alright? I don't like it when things needlessly suffer." He looks down at the mess and tries not to look too disgusted. 

He feels like this is Negan's mess now, but he'd probably just leave it and let Rick smell it all night, so when Lucille is finished with her kill, Rick grabs the bucket and an old towel and gets to work. 

When he's finished several hours later, he thinks he did a pretty good with the blood and mangled carcass, and by then he's worn out, too. He'd found some soap in the workbench, thank God, and used that along with the creek water to get the barn floor not so disgusting, but it's still stained pink in places that he tries not to look at. 

He washes all the blood off of himself in the creek and then grabs the bread and the sketchbook. He leaves the last orange, not knowing when Negan'll decide next to give him food. The bread is already half stale so he has to eat it. There isn't much of it left, so he knows he'll be hungry again by dark, but he'll see what happens then. 

Rick climbs up the tree as he did before, and starts to sketch while taking bites of bread. He sketches the birds and the pine tree he's in, Lucille when she pokes around, and the cabin - what he can see of it from his covered perch. He sketches Daisy as he watches her chew on Negan's lawn. He chuckles to himself and wishes he could stay up here longer. But the sun is setting, and he forgot that big heavy poncho in the barn. He shivers and tries to sketch the sunset in a dusky grayscale - to keep his mind off his nerves, and the coming night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ warning for graphic depictions of small animal death ]
> 
> Also please see RanebowStitches' Lucille aesthetic [on tumblr](https://ranebowstitches.tumblr.com/post/177926079417/this-is-lucille-she-is-awesome-moodboard-for) ^_^


	5. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick gets a meal, and a story...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Please note that I changed the rating of this fic to Explicit to acknowledge the content of forthcoming chapters~ 
> 
> RanebowStitches also told me to say that she’s just been yelling so much with happiness at how much you guys like Lucille ^-^ So from the both of us we want to thank you for liking her! We both love her lots and love that you do too~
> 
> Many thanks to [ironydm](https://ironydm.tumblr.com/) for the beautiful art ♥
> 
> Oh and I’m updating this from Greece instead of at home in Canada so that’s why it’s a little bit late XD Anyway, enjoy~!

([x](http://sweet-andy.tumblr.com/post/176279107415/what-are-you-gonna-do-when-somebody-comes-looking))

As the sun starts to set over the horizon, Negan begins to stir. The heavy fabric over the window blocks the light, but he can _feel_ what time it is. No, it's not fully night yet, but it's getting close, and it gives him some time to get ready before leaving the house.

He sits up in bed and stretches. _Hmm_. Lucille isn't there. She must be watching Rick. Negan hopes nothing bad happened while he was asleep. If Lucille was with Rick the whole day, Negan's sure to get a helluva report later. 

He gets out of bed and goes to his dresser, deciding what to wear. Shall he go a little anachronistic and wear something to make Rick feel _very_ young? As he sorts through his clothes, he hums with amusement. He settles on a pair on long dark breeches, suspenders, and a long-sleeved white shirt with sleeves that definitely came from the 1700s. After pulling on a pair of boots, he heads to the kitchen.

Negan assumes Rick'll be hungry by now. Even if he'd eaten all the food Negan'd given him, it really wasn't much on such short notice. Negan hums as he pulls a can of beans off the shelf and fires up his stove. He pours the beans into a pot, and as he waits for the stove to heat up he grabs a cut of meat from his icebox for Lucille, placing it in her bowl. He also grabs the bit of salt pork he has, chopping it quickly and throwing it in with the beans. He places the pot on the stove and lets it cook through. Lastly, he cuts a single lemon and makes one glass of lemonade, adding a decent amount of sugar to it.

When the pork and beans are almost done, Negan opens the front door and looks around. The sun is barely still lighting the sky, the moon already overhead and shining beautifully. Negan lets out his two-tone whistle and leaves the door open as he goes back in. 

Lucille's sitting at the base of the tree when she hears the whistle. She barks happily, looks at Rick for a moment, and then bounds off to her master.

Rick watches her with trepidation, gripping the sketchbook tighter. He'd heard it when Negan started stirring inside, and he'd immediately put his pencil down, watching for any sign of the vampire. There had been nothing until he heard the door open, and the whistle came and Lucille ran off. 

He supposes that means he should go down and see Negan, but also why should he? What if he ties him up again or wants to put that damned collar on him or— Rick shivers at the _other_ possibility. 

He knows it's childish, but what about any of this is normal? Negan doesn't _have_ to keep him here. He just wants to for his own selfish reasons. Rick hisses low and leans back against the tree. If Negan wants him then he'll come and get him. 

...

Lucille bursts into the house with a clacking of nails and excited panting. She barely stops in time to not hit the couch when she's turning and jumping up at Negan. " _Negan! Negan!"_

"Woah, woah. Calm down!" Negan kneels and rubs her head as she squirms and licks his face. He laughs. "What's going on?"

She then starts barking, telling Negan _everything_ her and Rick did that day in great detail. She bounces around the room as she tells him, while Negan goes back to stirring the food. He nods at her, raising his eyebrows and smirking at certain events. He knows from Lucille's perspective things are a little skewed, but he gets the gist. 

He's honestly surprised Rick hadn't attempted some sort of escape, especially when Lucille left him alone to go get the rabbit. He had his horse and the riding gear. He could have made an attempt. Perhaps he knew even that was a lost cause and didn't want to get his horse injured.

"And where is he now?" Negan asks, transferring the pot of food to a bowl and picking up the glass of lemonade.

_"Tree!"_

Negan nods and goes out to set the food and drink on the table on the porch by the rocking chairs, his boots thunking on the wood when he walks. The sun has set by now, so he has no qualms about stepping off the porch and going 'round the house. He lets out his whistle again and then calls, "R _iiiick!_ Dinner's ready!"

In the tree, Rick grits his teeth. 

Striding through the now-cut grass to the tree, Negan puts his hands in his pockets as he looks up at the man in it. Rick glares down at him, and Daisy perks up her ears at him where she's grazing.

"You gonna eat while it's hot or should I give it to Lucille?" Negan calls, grinning. 

Rick exhales tightly, and it's then that his stomach growls. His lips twist in disgust at his traitorous body. He grips the sketchbook and stares down at Negan. His expression dampens. 

Negan could be lying about the food to get him to come down, but Rick also knows that Negan could get him down in a second if he wanted to - with the right threats. And then the previous night flashes through his head; the terror... the pain... the humiliation. 

He swallows thickly, and fear and mistrust make his limbs stiff with indecision. 

Frowning slightly, Negan tilts his head as he looks up at Rick. "Come on, Rick. It seriously will get cold, and not that I would know, but I hear cold pork and beans isn't the best-tasting thing," he calls up to him. It would be amazingly easy for Negan to get up the tree and physically grab Rick, but he doesn't want to do that. He wants Rick to _want_ to come down.

Rick looks at Negan dubiously, but some of his anxiety eases when Negan doesn't try to get him down forcefully.

Negan looks around at the base of the tree until he sees the lump of dirt that indicates where Lucille buried the collar. He debates about getting it right now. It might scare Rick more than he already is, and Negan really wants to get him on solid ground. He'll get it later.

"You can't stay up there forever, Rick. You'll freeze." Negan crosses his arms over his chest and taps his foot impatiently.

Negan's right, Rick knows. He can't stay up here forever. 

Sighing in defeat, Rick climbs down, and then backs up slightly to give Negan a wide berth, keeping his expression cool. Negan smiles, even as Rick backs away from him. He doesn't move towards him, wanting to let Rick do as he pleases. For now.

Rick can't help but glance at the pile of dirt by the base of the tree, and then at Negan and away. Rubbing at his arm, he swallows and shivers. "Thanks," he says dourly, "for the food." He motions to the barn with his chin by way of explanation. 

"You're welcome," Negan says. "Now, if you'd please, I'd like to give you more." He says this last part gently, gesturing for Rick to come back to the cabin with him. "It's waiting on the porch table." 

Hesitantly, Rick glances toward the cabin. He doesn't want to go with Negan, but _pork and beans_. He craves something more substantial than just bread and an orange. "Thanks," he repeats, "I'd appreciate that." He looks into Negan's eyes briefly. As he looks away he notices Negan's shirt, which is of an old style Rick isn't too familiar with. It's looser in the arms and front. Odd. 

"Oh, did you find use out of that?" Negan asks then, just noticing the sketchbook in Rick's hands.

Rick lifts it up and glances at it. "This?" He looks at Negan and away. "Yeah." He rubs the back of his neck. "Drew a few things. It was kind of you to leave it," he admits, and the words are bitter in his mouth. 

Rick's tone irks Negan enough that he narrows his eyes at him. Yeah, Negan was keeping him here under lock and key, but he could be doing so much worse. He didn't _have_ to feed Rick. He didn't _have_ to provide him with entertainment. He could very very easily just kill him and be done with this. But that’s not the point, is it?

_Either be thankful or don't be._

Still, he manages to keep a loose smile on his face. "Good. I had hopes that it could keep off some boredom," he says, chuckling lightly, “as it did for me.” He waves Rick forward again, urging him to walk towards the cabin. 

Something about the way Negan responds to him makes Rick panic. _Shit_. He can't be like that. It might be unfair. He might hate it. But he's alive right now because Negan wants to keep him around for some reason. Well, Rick knows what that reason is, and he doesn't want to _think about it_ that much - but that reason means he isn't a body drained of blood in the forest right now. And if he's going to survive - if he's going to see his kids again - he has to start going about this differently. 

Rick keeps up with Negan now, even forcing himself to go closer to him as they walk. Negan obviously wants his company for some reason. Okay. Rick'll give that to him. 

"Yeah," he replies to Negan's earlier question. "It did. Sorry - I _do_ appreciate it. I'm just… stressed. I do appreciate it," he urgently repeats. He rubs his face. 

Negan looks at Rick as he _apologizes_ and assures his appreciation a couple of times. He must not have been able to keep as straight a face as he thought when he got a little ticked off. He does like it, though; this change in attitude from Rick. And he gets _closer_ to him. Maybe he's wising up.

"Lucille tells me you two managed to find entertainment to fill the most of the day without it," Negan says.

Out of the corner of his eye, Rick looks at Negan. _What?_ So can they really communicate? Or is he just saying that? "Yeah, she kept me company," he agrees with a small, nervous laugh. "She uh… has lots of energy." He looks down at his bare feet in the grass as they walk, and Negan laughs.

"She sure does! It'll be nice having someone for her to play with in the daytime."

"Yeah… what uh, what did she tell you we did?" 

Looking back at Rick with a small smile, Negan playfully taunts, "She told me _everything."_ He grins and raises his eyebrows.

With confusion written all over his face, Rick stares at Negan as he says Lucille told him _everything_. How could she? She's a _wolf_. 

"Uh-huh. What exactly did she tell you?" Rick asks, because no way in hell is he gonna volunteer anything unless pressed. It's not like he cares that much - it's not like he did anything Negan wouldn't _approve of_. His lips twist. But it's the principle of the thing. 

They make it to the dark porch, and Negan leads the way up, gesturing to the chair Rick sat in before and not answering his question just yet. The bowl of food is still steaming on the table. "Please, sit. Eat." Negan takes his own chair, resting a foot on the opposite knee. "Tell me how you like it, and be _honest_. It's you who has to eat it." He chuckles.

Rick blinks when he sees the porch is dark. "Uh…" He can see well enough now. The sun is still setting. But he knows in half an hour he won't be able to. The cabin is dark too, and Rick shivers. "You uh… you don't need light to see with I guess…?" he asks, swallowing. He takes the empty chair nearest the door and looks at the steaming bowl. Wow. He wasn't lying. It smells delicious, too. 

Carefully, Rick puts the sketchbook under the table before taking the spoon in one hand and the bowl in the other. He takes a bite and sighs at the immediate satisfaction of hot food in his mouth. It warms him up from the growing cold. 

Negan hums as he watches Rick eat his food, gratified by his approval. "To your first question," he says, "Lucille told me you two went to the creek and took a nap, you let Daisy out, Lucille found a rabbit, you ate lunch in the tree." He ticks the things off on his fingers as he lists them. He shrugs. "Everything." He purposely doesn't mention the collar. No, he wants to wait on that.

Rick looks at Negan like he suddenly has two heads. _What the hell?_

Well, he supposes that if vampires are real then anything could be, including dogs that can communicate with them… or maybe Negan's a mind-reader. Maybe _all_ vampires are mind-readers. Rick shivers. 

"And as for your light question…" Negan looks around and blinks, looking a little taken aback. "No, I do not. I can see perfectly in the dark." He leans forward in his chair, elbows on his knees. "Would you like me to get you a lantern, Rick?" he asks, nearly purring, as he watches Rick take another bite of the food. Negan perks up at Rick’s small, appreciative sighs at his cooking.

Swallowing his mouthful, Rick looks at Negan with nervous, worried distaste. "Uhm. I… I'd appreciate that, if it isn't too much trouble." He clutches the bowl closer to him and tucks his feet under the chair, shivering slightly. It seems like it's getting darker and colder by the second. 

"No trouble at all," Negan says, standing up and disappearing into the house for a moment. He likes Rick being polite. That'll get him far, if he realizes it.

He grabs two lanterns, some matches, and a thick, hand quilted blanket. Lucille looks up at him from where she's gnawing on her dinner, and he smiles at her before going back outside.

Rick's scarfed down several mouthfuls of the meat and beans while Negan was inside, and he continues to eat steadily when he comes back out. Afraid it might be taken away, probably. 

Negan hangs the lanterns up on two nails sticking from the posts holding the porch roof up, lighting them both before putting out the match. The twin flames give off a warm glow as the sun slowly disappears behind the horizon.

The flames are comforting, Rick thinks, but they're still just two pinpricks of light in a sea of dark, dangerous woods.

Negan turns and holds the blanket out to Rick. "Will you accept _this_ gift from me?"

Rick looks up, confused and suspicious. Negan's eyes don't look malicious, though, so Rick swallows the food and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, eyeing the blanket. He puts the bowl on the table again. "Thank you," he says softly as he reaches out hesitantly to take the blanket from the vampire - waiting for it at any minute to be snatched back from him. It isn’t, though, and he pulls it over his lap, grateful for the extra warmth. 

Negan smiles, his eyes crinkling at the edges. "My pleasure," he replies and sits back down in his chair. Lucille pops out of the house and lays down next to him, and Rick jumps slightly, surprised. Negan reaches down and pets her black fur, unbothered. 

Rick realizes that he might make the blanket's warmth better by wrapping it around himself, so he stands up and puts it around his shoulders. It makes him warmer, but he _is_ still in his underwear. He goes slightly red when he remembers - but tries not to look annoyed about it.

"So, how's the food?" Negan asks, and Rick looks over at him carefully. "And the drink, taste that."

Oh, the drink. Rick forgot about that.

"I changed it a little bit," Negan explains. "Also, how did you like the bread? It's been so long since I've baked, I was worried it wasn't done in the middle." He wants to make sure things are to Rick's liking, but he also wants praise for his cooking. It's honestly been so long since he had anyone but Lucille to talk to. If Rick could learn to live peacefully with him… his companionship would be welcome.

"The food's good," Rick says as he reaches for the glass. It's a large glass, and he looks at it curiously, thinking that it almost looks just like cloudy water in the dim light. He wants to test it with a finger, though he knows that would be rude, but he _also doesn't want to get poisoned_. But if Negan wanted to poison him, then he could have just put it in the beans, so there really is no reason for Rick to be worried. If Negan wanted to kill him, he could, and he probably wouldn't poison him to do it. 

He takes a sip and sighs when he tastes sweetness on his tongue. _It's lemonade_ , he realizes a second later. Huh. Now he actually gets to finish the glass, though, he thinks. His lips twitch and then he drinks half of it in one go, not realizing how thirsty he is. He wipes his mouth again. 

"The drink's good, too," he says genuinely. "And the bread." He meets Negan's eyes and offers him a quick near-smile, mostly gone in a second. Negan smiles back, pleased. Rick takes the bowl back and continues to eat, ears perked to the sound of the occasional cricket and wolf's howl. The light flickers across Negan's face - which, pleasant though it is, is oddly intent and excited for the hour that it is - and Rick's heart starts to beat faster when he remembers where he is, and _what_ Negan is. 

It's not like he forgot, but it was easy to busy himself with other things and pretend everything was normal when the sun was shining and the birds were singing. 

Here. _Now?_ He knows he's in very real danger, in a strange place that he can't leave without being shredded to death by a massive wolf. 

He focuses on the pork and beans that'll keep him satisfied until morning. He has that, at least. And this blanket around his shoulders. Though who knows whether Negan'll let him keep that for the night. 

"Good, good," Negan says. "Let me know if anything is not to your liking. Also, give me a list of foods you like, yeah?" he says, resting his elbow on the arm of the chair and his chin in his hand.

Rick gives Negan an odd look, but Negan ignores it and looks out into the night, gazing off the porch. It's weird, Rick thinks, and he can't wrap his head around Negan wanting him to stay here for any length of time. Then a shiver runs through him when he remembers that Negan just wants him as a live-in food source. He grits his teeth. He doesn't know what being fed on by a vampire is like, but he imagines it wouldn't be painless. He doesn't know how much Negan would take either. How much _can_ he take without killing him? Will Rick be barely alive after this? He can't imagine any other scenario, and it makes him horrified - if only for the fact that he wouldn't be able to see his children that way. Nor would he want them to see him like that.

In the light of the lantern, Negan squints slightly, not used to it. A wolf howls in the distance, and Lucille lifts her head. "Go on, girl," Negan says quietly, and Lucille stands and pads off the porch, going to stand in the front yard. Negan can see her, but he doesn't think Rick'll be able to.

Rick chews a large piece of pork and watches curiously as Lucille trots into the dark until she disappears from his sight.

When a wolf howls in the forest again, Lucille answers with her own. Another joins in, and Lucille howls again. A call and return of howls echo through the night, and Rick shivers at the cacophony of canine noise.

Negan smiles, closing his eyes and enjoying the sounds. "Listen to them. Isn't it beautiful?" he asks Rick. "The children of the night. What music they make!"

Rick looks over at Negan and hums again. "Yeah. It's nice," he agrees, though right now he's too anxious to really enjoy it, and he takes another spoonful of beans. 

Humming, Negan turns his attention back to Rick and watches as he finishes his food almost ravenously. At least he wasn't lying about the food being good. His eyes follow the motion of Rick's Adam's apple as it moves in time with his swallow. Negan doesn't _need_ to feed for a few more days, but it's so tempting. Rick is right there. So warm. So _alive_.

Rick looks up at the night sky, and realizes he can see the stars. Now that his eyes have adjusted, he can see how bright they are. He exhales softly. 

He finishes off the stew with a satisfied hum and scrapes the bowl, licking the spoon and then drinking the last of the lemonade. 

"That was very good, thank you," he says softly, pulling the blanket more tightly around his shoulders and settling down slightly. He was tired before, but the company, cold night air, and the sugar in the lemonade woke him back up. 

Negan smiles. "It's my pleasure, Rick," he says, though he can feel the tension and fear still radiating from him. He isn't sure if he likes that. He thinks it's good that Rick still views him as something to be afraid of, but he does want Rick to feel somewhat content. If not for Rick's own mental state, but also... his blood will be _so_ sour if he's afraid all the time. 

Settling a foot over his knee again, Negan leans back, giving Rick space. "Do you have any questions for me, Rick? Anything you want cleared up about your situation?"

Rick tenses, and blood rises to his cheeks. Yeah. Yeah he does have questions. He sits up and takes a breath, wiping his face. "Yeah, I…" And then he feels tears at his eyes, and he has to take a slow breath before he can speak again. He swallows hard and looks out into the blackness. "What are you gonna do when someone comes looking for me?" He thinks he knows the answer. He just… doesn't want anyone to get hurt. 

With a smirk, Negan cocks his head. "As long as you stay good and quiet, I'll steer anyone who comes looking right back the way they came," he answers with a shrug. He studies Rick's face. "I'm not going to needlessly kill anyone. I know you think me a monster, but honestly Rick. Give me a little credit, hm? …Of course, if you don't stay quiet, things might get a little messy… Let's not have it come to that, hm?" He rocks to and fro in his chair like he's discussing the most mundane thing in the world.

Rick's heart starts to beat harder in his chest at what Negan says. He knew, in some way, that that was going to be what happens, but hearing it is just… unsettling. At least Negan says he won't kill anyone. And it makes sense. That would only attract more attention. 

But the thought of people just being turned away by some form of hypnotism… 

"What will they think?" he asks. "What will they say when they get back to town?" He shakes his head. "I'm not… saying I won't do what you ask. But my kids… I don't want them to think I'm dead. Please. Can you just…" 

He swallows hard, trying to think of something he could say. "I'm doing what you ask. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I haven't even tried to run away. I know it's useless." He looks out into the dark where Lucille is. "Whatever you…"

Rick licks his lips which have become dry, as has his throat. 

"Whatever you want, I'm not gonna… I just need my kids to know that I haven't died and that I haven't abandoned them. Somehow. That's all I care about." 

Negan leans forward, putting both feet on the ground and resting his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together. He can hear the man's heart pumping faster in his chest, the sound of blood rushing fills his ears. It draws Negan in, but he shakes it off. Focuses on Rick's words. Those stuttery, complacent words.

"Rick," Negan says, voice low and steady. "I can turn them away with no clue about you or your 'fate,' or I can _convince_ them of something. What would you have your kids believe, hm?" 

He asks this even as he tries to think of something himself, suggesting, "You found a clue about the cattle that led you to a neighboring town?"

Rick looks down. Negan's idea doesn't sound half bad. It's not… the _worst_ idea in the world. It's better than nothing, anyway, Rick thinks.

"In a few days," Negan continues, " _if_ you continue to behave, you could write them a letter?" Negan runs a hand through his hair. 

_If he continues to behave._

Rick exhales steadily and fights the noises that want to claw up his throat, the words he wants to throw at Negan furiously. _Fuck him_. 

He turns his head away and grits his teeth. 

"At some point, Rick, they're going to have to accept that you're not coming back. I'm sorry, but…" Negan grimaces and clicks his tongue, shrugging.

Rick has to bodily resist the urge to snarl - at that and then when Negan says that his kids _have to accept_ that he's not coming back. Not a chance in Hell he'll ever admit that kind of defeat. He dismisses that comment instantly.

He _is_ going back. That's for damn sure.

Negan watches the anger pass over Rick like a wave. He can feel it coming off of him like static. Negan's waiting for Rick to yell at him. Waiting for a smart remark or a curse. Waiting for _something_.

Rick takes a calming breath in, and then out. 

"Yeah. That sounds…. good," he acquiesces eventually. "That sounds fine." He groans and rubs a hand over his face again, leaning forward himself with his bare feet flat on the wood. The anger's fading already, and with it, his energy saps away as well. 

Watching Rick carefully, Negan is glad he's agreed to his plan, though he can't say he's happy about the resignation in Rick's words.

"Tell them I'm in…" Rick thinks of the neighboring towns. "Crimson Creek." He shivers as soon as he says it, realizing the unhappy serendipity. "Say I might be a while, sorry I couldn't tell them in person. I'll write them soon." He sighs. "Please. That would be fine." He looks up at Negan, his gaze beseeching. 

Rick thinks, since his salary won't be going in to them… for the foreseeable future… maybe at some point he could convince Negan to send them some money. Sure there are people who can help them, but he doesn't want his family to have to beg, or, God forbid, become destitute. He swallows hard. 

"Sure, Rick. I'll tell 'em that," Negan assures him, leaning back in his chair. "Since you asked so nicely and are behaving so well. Feels like a good trade, I think." 

Rick rolls his eyes where Negan can't see it when he says he's been _behaving_. Jesus Christ. Could Negan be a _little_ less patronizing at some point?

Negan rocks in his chair. "You know, I know your kids," he reminds him, and Rick looks at him sharply. "Your son is pretty strong."

Rick seethes. Yeah, _he is_ , but that doesn't mean he deserves to suddenly have to be the man of the house. In what world is making a fifteen-year-old kid grow up that fast okay? Judith is only _two_. He can't take care of her on his own. Well, Olivia can help, but that's only if she's getting paid. He couldn't possibly let Carl move in with Maggie and Glenn. But it looks like he might have to, at least unless he can ever contact Lori to get her to move back to town. 

"He'll be alright, and he'll take care of his sister." Negan nods and looks out into the night, watching Lucille chase crickets. "The townsfolk won't let anything happen to 'em." 

Negan has to admit, he feels a little bad breaking up a family like this. The kids weren't at fault here. He looks back at Rick. " _I_ won't let anything happen to 'em. Okay?"

Turned away, Rick was only half listening to Negan, slightly deafened by his seething anger, when he says that. When he does process what Negan’s promised, Rick slowly looks to him with wide, angry, serious eyes. He better fucking _not_ let anything happen to them, or Rick won't play at being his little _pet_ any longer. Negan can bet on that. 

Then he thaws slightly. 

"I'd appreciate that greatly," Rick says coolly with a nod. "Thank you." He's being genuine, but it's still difficult to reconcile with the fact that Negan is making all of this a necessity in the first place. Rick pulls the quilt more over himself to fight the chill. 

Negan can feel the iciness coming from Rick. Even his thanks is a little on edge. Negan eyes him. "You're welcome," he says. He understands this is difficult for Rick. He does. But he doesn't _have_ to help. He could go get the kids and bring them here. Start a damn people zoo. Is that what Rick wants?

But that’s not what Negan wants. 

Negan looks away from the man and taps his fingers against the arm of his chair. Taking a deep and unnecessary breath, he lets it out slowly. He needs to calm down. He needs to give Rick time. He has to be patient, and, living the life he has, he’s more than familiar with that. He’s patient.

But only just.

He rocks back and forth, and, despite his annoyance, he _is_ enjoying Rick's presence. His only companion has been Lucille for so long, and even if Rick hates him, Negan likes having him near.

Rick glances to Negan and sags down slightly when they lapse into silence. 

He can tell Negan doesn't appreciate his coldness. But he doesn't know what Negan wants from him exactly besides fake saccharine gratefulness and his blood, eventually. Maybe he wouldn't be so damn angry and tense if Negan stopped taunting him with his _sudden and complete_ lack of freedom. It's barely been two days since he was at home with his kids and now Negan's telling him he'll never see them again? What does he expect? Utter thankfulness things aren't worse? Yeah, Rick is glad they aren't, but he's not about to grovel at Negan's feet for basic necessities. Not unless he absolutely has to anyway. And even then - he thinks he's not sure he'd stoop that low unless it was his children's lives at stake. 

Vaguely, he thinks he should ask Negan when he'll… take advantage of having a walking meal so easily accessible and forbidden to leave. But Rick also really _doesn't_ want to ask him about it. He just hopes it won't scare him too badly when it happens. He hopes it won't hurt. He really doesn't know much about what'll happen besides he'll survive, right? Negan seems to act like he'll be around for a while. That's… good…. at least… 

Rick sighs. 

Negan glances to Rick then. He studies him, wrapped up in the blanket. He knows he should let him inside, but he's debating just how _nice_ he should be to Rick. If he gives him too much, will Rick still fear and listen to him? If he doesn't give enough, will Rick ever trust him?

He wants to talk. He hasn't had someone he can _talk_ to in so long. But he doesn't know what to say. Rick isn't asking him any more questions, and Negan feels like if he starts questioning Rick, he'll just get defensive. The vampire hums. 

"I used to live in Georgia," he starts, and Rick glances over to him. "A very long time ago."

Rick looks out into the dark again. He's not all that interested in tales of Negan's life, but he supposes it'll alleviate some of his boredom, and take his mind off other… more unpleasant things. And so, a colorful image starts to paint itself in his head as Negan talks, and Rick can't help but get drawn in.

"I remember one night, mid-summer, when it was so hot and humid you had to practically swim through the air. June bugs everywhere. Cicadas screaming. The moon was only half lit and clouds covered the light that did shine through. A real nice night, ya know." He snorts and smiles. 

"Anyway, I was walking home along the road outside the town I was living by, just minding my own business, trying to enjoy the sticky night. When suddenly, I can hear the sound of a woman crying from somewhere not too far off." Negan glances to Rick, gratified to see that he's listening. 

"So, I follow the sound," Negan continues when he's sure Rick is paying attention, "and I find a young girl, maybe thirteen, crying and standing by a covered bridge that spanned the width of a river that ran next to the town."

Rick's eyes narrow. A young _girl?_

"She had long dark hair that hid her crying face, and she only wore a thin white night dress. She was soaked to the bone."

Now Rick's eyes furrow in worry. 

"So, I go to her and ask if she's okay. I'm thinking, maybe she went for a midnight swim to escape the heat and hurt herself in the dark. Maybe something had chased her into the water. I was concerned, not only because of her crying but because of how her wet dress clung to her body. If any man of ill repute came by, I was sure harm would come to her."

Rick listens, ready for something to go wrong and he isn't sure he believes Negan when he says he was worried about her. Sure, he was. 

Negan pauses to take an unneeded breath, licking his bottom lip as the memory continues to come back to him. "She told me she had gone out for a walk, to enjoy the night, but had gotten lost in the dark and fallen in the river," he says, ignoring Rick's judgy look. "I couldn't smell any blood on her, though… it was strange. I couldn't smell _anything_ on her. Not the river water, not her own scent. I could barely hear a heartbeat if I concentrated hard enough. It was so slow and soft." Negan taps his fingers against the arm of the chair in an imitation of the slow beat. _Thump..thump… thump..thump…_

Curious and suspicious, Rick watches Negan intently now, unsettled by his mimicry of the heartbeat.

"I asked where she lived," Negan continues, "wanting to take her home. She told me a farm nearby that I knew of, so I started to escort her. When I touched her shoulders, to help guide her in the right direction, of course, she was _ice cold_." Negan shivers at the memory and Rick's eyes widen. "There was no way the river was as cold as she was. Not on such a hot night during some of the hottest years we'd ever had. I couldn't explain how she could be so cold. Colder than _me_. It was… it was frightening." Negan glances to Rick, letting himself feel that fear.

Rick swallows and looks down, wondering how the girl could be colder than a vampire. Negan is cold, there's no doubt about that. He thinks back to the previous night when Negan had grabbed him. Rick had been too terrified and out of it to really pay attention to the temperature of his skin, but now that he thinks about it he's sure Negan's hands were cool on his jaw. 

He flushes slightly and looks away as he remembers Negan touching him like that, and he doesn't want to think about why. His lips twist in annoyance. 

And how could _Negan_ be frightened? Maybe she was just another vampire? And if she wasn't, what else could she be but human? And Rick figures Negan could easily defend himself against a young human girl. But it is curious. Why is Negan telling him this? Why is telling him about a time when he was _afraid?_

Negan looks out into the front clearing again. Lucille's rolling in the grass, soaking up the moonlight. 

"At the time, I was wearing a vest over my shirt, so I took that off and draped it over her shoulders as we walked, just trying to stave off the unearthly cold. She didn't speak to me after that, but she seemed grateful." Negan taps his fingers against the wood of the chair again.

"We got to the farm and headed towards the house, but as we got near she grew hesitant to approach. She was a stone's throw away from the door when she stopped and refused to move."

Rick is _sure_ the girl's a vampire when Negan says she stopped at the door. Can't vampires only go into a house if they have permission? Rick thinks he read or heard that somewhere.

"I didn't want to force her, so I stepped around her and knocked on the door. I glanced back at her, but she just stood there, dark hair blowing in the hot wind. It was then I realized I still had not seen her face, but before I could think more on it, the door opened." Negan leans forward in his chair, making it creak like a door opening, and looks at Rick.

Rick jumps when he hears what he thinks is a door opening - but it's just Negan's chair. He swallows and looks at Negan, and their eyes lock. 

Negan smiles. He can smell the fear starting to creep up Rick's spine. Hear his heart starting to pound faster. Negan licks his bottom lip again.

"An older man answered it and asked me what I wanted. I gestured back at the girl and told him I was escorting a young woman who said she lived there. The man suddenly seemed to grow very tired and he sighed, shaking his head. 'Not again,' he said to me. I looked at him, confused, and asked what he meant. He pointed behind me, and when I turned, the girl was gone. Vanished into the hot air… The man said to me, 'That girl was my daughter.'"

Rick inhales in a rush, somewhat relieved at the end of the tale. But it also unnerves him. 

" _What?"_ he asks. "So… what? Was she a vampire… like _you?"_ He can't help the slightly flat, unimpressed, disapproving tone he takes at the end. "Why was she hanging around still?" he asks more gently, trying to deflect. He truly is interested, and worried about the girl. Even as a vampire… to be so tied to her living relatives… it must have been awful for her to not be able to stay with them? He guesses? He shifts and pulls the quilt more snugly around his shoulders, looking away. 

Negan grins like a cat who caught the canary. His sharp teeth gleam in the lantern light. "Whoever said she was a vampire?" he asks, raising an eyebrow. He can't help feeling glee at the fact that Rick got so into the story that he interrupted with questions. _Fantastic._ That's just what he wants.

"'Was?' I asked, feeling the hair on the back of my neck stand up. _I_ knew she wasn't a vampire. No, I would have been able to sense _that_. She was… something else.

"'She died a few years ago,' the man said."

A shiver quakes through Rick's whole body when he realizes what Negan is saying.

She was a _ghost._

"'Threw herself off the bridge leading to town'," Negan continues. "'Broke her neck on the rocks in the river. She died instantly, but her body wasn't found until a couple days later, floating downstream.' He had sighed, looking heartbroken but mostly just tired. Exhausted.

"'This happens from time to time,' he told me. 'People showing up having been led to the farm by her.' He didn't know why it happened. Thought maybe her spirit was unsettled because of her method of death. Thought it was just trying to get home." Negan leans back in his chair and rubs at his cheek, feeling the coarse hair on it.

"He told me where her grave was, and as I walked home, I stopped by to see it. It was just a small thing. A simple headstone with her name and the dates, still fairly new, not weathered yet." Negan locks eyes with Rick. "Laying on the ground at the base of the headstone was my vest I had put over her, neatly folded."

Rick shivers again and looks out into the dark. He knows that Negan could be lying, but only days ago Rick only half believed that vampires existed and now here one was right in front of him. Rick still isn't entirely certain if Negan is what he says he is but _ghosts_? Those are something Rick could only too easily be convinced of. _Ghosts_ are… something else entirely. 

Reminded of something, Rick thinks back to his early 20s during the Civil War - since he and his parents had migrated west when he was only a boy and were too far away from the war when it started, he and his brother hadn't really been able to enlist - but they heard stories of families never seeing their boys again. Ma's sisters had written to her with their hearts broken when his cousins had died during the war. He shudders now to think of them dying in battle and him, so far west that war news doesn't reach them for weeks, sometimes months. Him, out here helping his pa farm the land with his older brother Jeff, all of 'em bone tired at the end of the day but still alive with their hearts beating and not dead or dismembered and bleeding out in a field somewhere. All of them would have signed up or been conscripted into the war if they had stayed. The guilt hung over their heads like a raincloud for years afterward. 

But Ma's sisters… Rick had heard Ma say that one of them had written to her saying that she'd gone to a séance to 'hear her sweet boy Julian again'. She said she _did_ \- and was henceforth convinced that spirits did not leave this earth after death… if they were too troubled to do so. 

Rick's never _really_ believed in all that. Sure he has a respect for the afterlife and an idea that bad energy can linger after a distressed person dies… but ghosts? He remembers… an older kid in his church when he was little, say that he'd found a verse in the Bible talking about ghosts. They weren't dead people. Just fallen angels. That itself isn't too reassuring either, however. But he's never really been sure what they actually are or if they were real or not. 

His eyes flick out into the dark. The dark that leads out into the road. The dark in the forest. The dark back in the barn. The endless dark where any number of things can hide. He licks his lips and swallows around a dry throat. But he isn't _scared_. He _isn't_. It's ridiculous. A story to tell misbehaving children when they go somewhere they shouldn't. Ghosts aren't _real_. They can't be. And if they were… why would any of them be out here? They wouldn't. 

But suddenly, to Rick's frustration, it doesn't matter if it's irrational. He just… really does not want to go out back into the dark by himself. 

He exhales sharply, hating Negan for suddenly making him doubt himself. For suddenly making him fearful of something natural and harmless. Well. There are far more real and very truly dangerous things that go bump in the night as well that Rick's just as and even _more_ scared of… especially now that Negan took his gun. He thinks that Lucille might protect him. Who knows about Negan. But Negan could just leave him here alone at night if he wanted. He already _has_. Lucille was here, sure, but what's she gonna do against an incorporeal form? Or… a _corporeal_ one, if what a Negan says is true. Rick shivers, the horror of _that_ too great to even imagine. 

Rick _knows_ that Negan has good reason to scare him. Making him _afraid of the dark_ would keep him close. Make him more _reliant_. 

But what is Rick gonna do otherwise? If he's stuck here for who knows how long… is he gonna stay in the barn forever? What about when winter comes? Is Negan gonna _make_ him stay in the barn like some kind of animal even when it's freezing out up here in the mountains? Rick honestly doesn't know what Negan's plans are. 

As much as he detests the idea of sharing a space with Negan… if it means maybe not sleeping in the barn for the foreseeable future then he supposes it wouldn't be terrible. He doesn't see why he should delay the inevitable. _If_ Negan even wants him in the house anyway. He hasn't been quick to bring him inside thus far. Maybe he does intend on keeping him in the barn. But then why tell him a story like this just to scare him? Does he just like being cruel? 

Exhaling tensely, Rick swallows and looks out into the dark like he might see something white and terrifying out there any minute. Which he knows is ridiculous, but he can't _help it_ and oh god he _hates that so much_ but... there it is.

Negan can see and smell and practically _taste_ the fear that takes over Rick. _Perfect_. It's a subtle fear. Nothing heart racing, but something that sits there at the back of the mind and makes you second guess what your eyes are seeing. Makes the hair at the back of your neck stand up. Makes the skin on your arms prickle up in goosebumps.

Makes you afraid of the dark.

And the things that live within.

With a self satisfied smirk, Negan leans back in his chair and rocks back and forth softly. "Do you believe in ghosts, Rick?" He asks.

Rick looks over at Negan, sees the shadows on his face from the lantern. The house is pitch black inside and, strangely, it only makes Rick more nervous. Like they really are sat here in the middle of a dark forest with absolutely nothing between them and… whatever lurks beyond. 

"I don't think so, Negan," he says pointedly, but pulls the blanket over himself more firmly regardless as he feels cool air waft over him. 

Negan hums. "No?" He shrugs. "Shame." 

Rick's eyebrows furrow. What does _that_ mean?

Negan watches, and Rick listens to Lucille run around for a bit more. After a few minutes, Negan whistles for her to come back, and Rick's heart starts to beat a little faster.

She trots happily up on to the porch with her tongue lolling out of her mouth and sits at his feet, wagging her tail. Negan reaches forward and pets her neck, jingling her collar. Rick stares uncomfortably and then feels blood rush to his cheeks. He looks at the floor angrily.

Standing up, Negan stretches his arms over his head, and Rick stiffens. He straightens up worriedly.

"Well, I'm going to bake you another loaf of bread for tomorrow," Negan says, and Rick can barely focus on his words because he's about to panic and he knows it's stupid but he's been stressed for two days and—

"Remember to make me a list of foods you want." Negan says, walking to the front door, Lucille at his heels. He opens it and steps halfway in. Rick shifts so the blanket is loose on the chair, and opens his mouth, ready to say something, he doesn't know what, when Negan turns around. Rick snaps his mouth shut.

"Keep the blanket," Negan says. "It's a gift. But you're not allowed inside my house." There's a beat, and then Negan says; "Goodnight." He smiles.

Rick stares at him desperately, taken aback and terrified at the declaration—

And with that, Negan steps inside and closes the door sharply. 

Rick _just_ swallows back a whine, fear washing over him like nothing he's ever felt before as he looks back into the pitch-black forest. 

A cool breeze makes the lanterns on the posts shudder; they're growing low.


	6. Compromise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick makes a decision, and he and Negan attempt to get along under the same roof...

Rick swallows as the lone lanterns sway - he’s sure they’ve gotten dimmer - and he immediately gets up. He blinks quickly, at once stopped by the thought of Negan’s anger or mockery. But then he imagines the blackness and unknown at his back, and how those threats are far worse. He knocks sharply and keeps his head down a little. 

_Please, please_.

Inside, Negan had lit candles around the living room and kitchen. He knew it wouldn’t take long, so he had to be quick. Lucille’s sitting by the entrance, watching him and waiting.

Then, there's a sharp knock at the door. 

Negan smirks.

Lucille growls at the door lowly and, outside, Rick tenses. Come _on_ , Lucille, he thinks. 

“Who is it~?” Negan calls out, making his way back and leaning against the wall.

Rick seethes. He takes a breath in and out. “It’s _Rick_ ,” he says, gritting his teeth. He calms down immediately after, getting his expression back under control.

“Oh, boy howdy, Rick,” Negan says, enthusiastically through the door. “What can I do ya for?” He waves at Lucille and she stops growling. 

“Surely you don’t want to come inside, right? Since I _just_ told you you’re not allowed and all.” He shrugs, though Rick can’t see it. “Didn’t I just tell him that, Lucille?” 

Lucille barks.

Rick drops his head down and lets it touch the door, putting his hand on it and squeezing his eyes shut. 

“I know… I _know_. But…” He turns around and looks out into the blackness. “Please. _Please, Negan._ Whatever you want. Can I please come in?” Rick swallows and curls his hand on the door into a tense, worried fist. He shifts his fingers nervously. 

Negan shivers at the begging coming through his door. Oh, that's good. That's really good. 

"Whatever I want, huh?" he says back. He hums, loud enough for Rick to hear through the door. "I think you know what I want, _Rick_.”

Rick grits his teeth and just barely stops a whimper from coming up. 

“I gave you a gift and you tried to throw it away. Tried to hide it away like it was _junk."_

Negan _really_ wants to make Rick go get the collar. Wants to make him scramble through the darkness and dig frantically through the dirt, trying to find it and use it as his golden ticket. 

But he knows that's too much. Rick wouldn't do it anyway. The man sounds like he's about to die of fright outside his door right now. 

_I gave you a gift and you tried to throw it away. Tried to hide it away like it was junk._

The words echo around in Rick’s head like billiard balls. And even though he’s starting to shiver again, he thinks he almost heard a bit of hurt in Negan’s words. What the hell, honestly. 

"Whaddaya say, Rick? You promise me you'll wear my collar, and I'll let you in.”

Rick bites back another whine. He can just imagine the thick leather around his neck. He absolutely _loathes_ the idea. Can feel the collar choking him already. But right now, he knows what scares him more, and it’s behind him making it harder to breathe with each passing second. 

“ _Yes,_ " he says. “Okay. I’ll do it. I promise. Please _, please, I promise._ I’ll… I’ll wear it.” A small, half-whimper escapes his throat and he blinks fast. He doesn't want to play this vampire’s game of pets, but he guesses now he has no choice. 

He groans, forces himself off of the door, and grabs the quilt. He holds it in one hand and fidgets with it as he waits, eyes on a lower part of the door. 

Negan can’t smile wider if he tries. That's _exactly_ what he wants to hear from the human. 

He gives Lucille a signal and she hunches down, ready to spring out of the door. He flips the chain latch and places his hand to the wood. “Alright, Rick.” He pushes the door open and Lucille bolts out, running off into the dark of the yard. Rick jerks out of the way when Lucille rushes past him, clutching the quilt with his shoulders up as he watches her go. He’s at first confused, but then he realizes miserably where she’s going. 

Negan moves to fill the doorway, watching Rick, who's holding the quilt and looking deliciously submissive. 

Rick turns back to Negan fearfully, suddenly aware of what he’s just given up in return for a little security. Oh well. Too late now. 

Negan eyes him up and down for a moment before moving to the side and waving him in. “You stay in the living room,” he says. “Do _not go_ on the furniture,” he states, voice solid and commanding.

Rick’s cheeks burn. He wasn’t about to, _actually_. 

“ _Alright_ ,” he says, quiet and just a touch defensive at Negan’s tone. He crosses his arms more out of discomfort than anything and glares tiredly into the space for a second before slipping past the other man - giving Negan a quick, careful look as he steps into the cabin. 

The inside is as rough as you might expect a three-room log cabin to be, but it’s cozy too, with candles lining the fireplace to the right of the door and on the table. Rick’s eyes are drawn to the strange, fancy couch adjacent to the fireplace; it looks more than a hundred years old with its dark upholstery and slim, carved frame. 

His feet then touch a carpet on the wood and he glances down, mesmerized by the patterns on it. It looks Native with its zig-zagging design of diamonds and blocky shapes and earthy but bright colors. It’s soft under his toes, but the interior of the cabin is chilly and he looks to the fireplace, which is unlit. He wonders if he can convince Negan to light it. 

In the backyard, Lucille had run back to the tree, sniffing through the dirt around it. _Where is it? Where is it?_

After a moment, her nose pushes through loose dirt. _There!_ She digs rapidly, grabbing the dirty leather collar with her teeth as soon as she uncovers it and rushes back to the house, tail wagging in glee.

Rick looks back up just as she comes back with it between her teeth. He makes a face and looks at it despondently. 

Negan takes the collar from Lucille, patting her to say thank you, before closing and latching the door. Rick watches this exchange glumly, and Lucille pants happily, walking up to him and rubbing against his side. Rick gasps, not expecting her to be so close all of a sudden. He isn’t sure he’ll ever get used to the feel of her fur suddenly on his skin. She then jumps onto the couch, getting comfortable, and he looks at her, unimpressed. _Well, then_ , he certainly knows _his_ status in this house. 

Negan examines the collar before going into the kitchen and grabbing a rag, dipping it into the water basin sitting on the small counter. He rings it out before going to the couch himself and sitting down next to Lucille. She puts her head onto his thigh. Rick watches all this uneasily. He’s still holding the quilt and he holds it in his hands awkwardly, unsure what to do with it, but, after a second of deliberation, he spreads it out in his hands and folds it neatly, putting it on the dining table.

The collar isn’t _too_ dirty, Negan thinks. The ground is dry right now and it was only there for a few hours. He still takes the rag and begins cleaning it off, working into the crevices around the buckle. Rick eyes Negan uncertainly as he cleans it - taking care with it, strangely.

Negan looks to Rick as he works. “Sit,” says, motioning with his chin to the floor in front of his feet.

Rick opens his mouth to protest, glaring at the spot and then him.

Rick seethes quietly but takes a breath and swallows his words - knowing what he agreed to and the power Negan has over him regardless - and goes to kneel down. Negan smiles and licks his lip. Rick’s face and chest are flaming and he closes his eyes, balling his hands in his lap, knowing exactly how he looks. Negan reaches forward, hooking his knuckle under Rick’s chin and lifting his head up. His face is so red and Negan can smell the blood so close to the surface of the skin. _Mmm_.

Rick curls his lip and squeezes his balled hands tightly. He glares at Negan through heavy eyes, but then blinks and looks at the floor, trying to get himself under control. Negan sets the collar down in his lap, bringing his other hand forward to cup both of Rick’s cheeks, feeling the burning warmth. It’s so nice against his cold hands. Rick’s eyes widen in panic and his breathing comes faster through his mouth. He licks his lips and shifts, eyes catching Negan’s and searching for, what? Reassurance? Negan could snap his neck right now if he wanted to.

Negan runs his thumbs over Rick’s cheekbones for a moment, just studying him in the low light of the candles, and Rick drops his eyes and swallows as Negan looks at him. Just… looks at him.

It’s uncomfortable and strange; Rick’s never really been the object of attention like this before. He supposes Lori was like that but she was mostly demure like society demanded and rarely stared at him so intensely. Negan is _taking his time_ and Rick realizes that he feels flustered. He doesn’t… really think that Negan will hurt him. Thus far he hasn’t been cruel. Not really. He’s taken care of him for the most part. He seems to truly like being around him. 

Rick’s still pretty young, Negan thinks as he takes in his features, even for human standards, but he can see the rugged handsomeness that lies beneath the surface. He loves the texture of the short scruff on Rick’s jaw. He curls one of his hands into a fist and rubs his knuckles against the coarse hair. _Fantastic_.

Rick shudders and makes a low noise of discomfort, trying to turn his head away, but Negan’s other hand holds him firmly. Almost as if he’s _petting_ him. Rick closes his eyes again as heat pulses through his body. It’s not exactly a bad sensation, Negan’s hands on him, he thinks guiltily. 

Moving that same hand down, Negan trails his fingers down Rick’s neck, and Rick can’t help his rough exhale or the way he jolts straighter slightly to get away from the exploring hand. He doesn’t get up off his knees, but it’s a near thing. He pants lightly and his pulse is pounding under his skin, which Negan can feel oh so well. Everything in the vampire is screaming at him to lean forward and sink his teeth in, but he steels himself and holds back. He wraps his hand around Rick’s neck, not pressing, just holding.

Rick swallows hard. Negan’s right thumb is on his throat, his fingers on the back of his neck. Rick deliberately takes slow, even breaths, waiting for pressure, but there’s nothing.

“Rick, your pretty little neck is going to look _so good_ with this collar,” Negan purrs softly, running his thumb down the front of Rick’s throat, and Rick blinks, shivering. He remembers only last night when he would have given anything to get Negan away from him. Now he knows he has no choice, and this is what he’s giving in return for shelter and warmth. Negan smiles down at him before turning towards Lucille and whispering into her ear. Rick watches them anxiously. 

Lucille gets up and pads off for a moment, returning with Negan’s satchel. She drops it into Rick’s lap and he starts, staring at it in confusion, trying to look down at it with Negan’s hand still on his throat.

“Now I want you to open that bag and take out the item that’s in there, Rick.” Negan knows full well that the only thing in the bag is a shiny bronze lock.

Rick looks up. He sees the collar on Negan’s lap, so what’s in the bag? He glances up at Negan’s eyes - seeing the small smile on his lips and the pleased, dark look on his face. Fuck. Well, it's not like he has a choice. He takes a breath and nods, opening the bag. 

Negan smiles, pleased with Rick's reactions. Pleased that Rick is following his instructions. Pleased that the man seems to be getting _flustered_ under his touch. Good… _good._

Inside, down at the bottom of the leather satchel, is something bronze that glistens slightly. Rick’s eyebrows knit and he glances up and then down. He reaches in and takes out the object, and then wilts. It’s a lock. Of course it’s a lock. He sighs and holds it up, mouth twisting again. “Here,” he says, eyes turned away.

“Good, thank you," Negan says. "But just… hold onto it for a minute.” Rick bites his lip in confusion but curls the lock in his hand and holds his fist in his lap. Negan then runs his hands once more up Rick’s face, rubbing his cheek softly, and Rick makes a choked noise, hissing quietly and curling his lip. 

Negan smiles and sits back, taking the collar from his lap. He undoes the buckle slowly, feeling the leather between his fingers. It’s cool from being buried outside.

Rick watches Negan unbuckle the collar, hearing the clink of metal. He licks his lip and looks at it unhappily. Negan reaches forward again and tilts his head up, and Rick bristles, growling low. Then Negan’s slowly wrapping the collar around his neck and he’s struggling to stay still. He _hates_ this. Negan moves the latch down the notches slowly, humming as he decides how tight to make it. Rick swallows as Negan adjusts it, getting the end of the leather into the buckle. His ears feel painfully alert as he hears and feels his freedom being locked away. He knows the collar really doesn’t make much of a difference in this situation, but it still stings. Rick blinks fast when the collar gets tight.

“Um…” Rick swallows thickly. He can feel his own pulse on the leather and he thinks he’s getting lightheaded. Negan watches Rick’s face as he latches it, sticking his finger between the collar and his neck to check the tightness. It’s loose enough for him to slip his finger in, but tight enough that Rick will definitely feel it around his neck at all times. The motion calms Rick somewhat and cools his heated skin. At least Negan’s checking to make sure it isn’t too tight. Or he hopes that’s what he’s doing anyway. 

Finally it seems at an okay tightness to Negan and doesn’t feel like it’s choking Rick all that much anymore. Rick can feel it when Negan fits the prong into the hole in the leather, and then it’s sitting snugly on his neck and he wants to grab at it. The ring at the front swings freely, just touching his collarbone, and when he shifts even slightly it clinks against the ring that holds it. Oh, Negan knows Rick's going to _hate_ that. 

He reaches down and picks up Rick’s hand holding the lock, moving it towards the small ring on the collar that it's designed to go on. “Lock it, Rick,” he says, and lets go of his hand, but leaves his other hand resting heavily on the side of Rick’s neck, half covering the collar.

Rick’s eyes snap to his. What? _What?_ He can’t ask him to do this. He _can’t_. 

Negan’s hand is on the other side of his neck over the collar. _Keeping him from tearing it off_. Rick whines low and shifts. 

There are words on his lips. 

_Please don’t make me do this. Please._

But he can’t say them. The lock is going on. The collar is on and the lock goes with it and he can’t stay inside if it’s not on. The lock’s open. He feels the loop with his fingers and moves the lock onto it. Before he can think about it, and because it doesn’t matter anyway, he turns the— _shackle—_ he shudders at the name - into the loop, and closes it.

It clicks with terrifying finality, and Rick exhales. Negan grins. He feels Rick shaking beneath his hand, feels his pulse skyrocketing. A second later Rick moves his hand up to the collar and pulls on it. He knows Negan’s hand is still on his neck on the collar so he does it gently, but then he can’t help himself and grabs it with the other hand too, twisting it and shifting it on his neck slightly to try and get just a bit more space between his skin and the leather. He hadn’t realized that he was sweating, but now he feels cold and damp and dizzy. A hard shiver rolls through him and he takes deep breaths in and out as he lets go of it, hands dropping to the floor in a better attempt to steady himself. 

Negan huffs a laugh.

“There,” Rick says softly, swallowing hard and looking at the floor between Negan’s legs unseeingly. He suddenly feels exhausted and too warm even in the cool cabin.

Negan drinks in the sight of him hungrily. Rick is here, on his knees, a thick collar - _Negan's_ collar - locked around his throat, hands on the ground. Defeated. It’s a beautiful sight. And just like that, Rick’s freedom is taken from him. He could still leave, sure, but he’s marked now. He belongs to someone. He belongs to _Negan_.

Negan moves the hand that was on the side of Rick’s neck to the lock on the other and tugs on it gently. It’s shut tight. _Good_. 

Rick’s nose flares and he glares, his face warming even further as he kneels there and Negan inspects the lock on the collar. Like some kind of animal. Collared and beaten and obedient and just _sitting here_ allowing Negan to touch him however he wants. Rick bites his lip and shivers again. He hates himself for being this weak and _choosing this_ over staying in a goddamn dark barn. What was he _thinking?_

Next, Negan traces the metal ring that hangs down near Rick’s collarbone, pressing the cold metal into his skin. _Great_. 

Rick licks his lips and blinks in confusion when Negan takes the ring at the front and presses it into his skin. It’s cold and hard.

Negan hooks his finger into the ring and _pulls_ Rick up and forward, encouraging him to come closer. _Fantastic_.

 _“What’re you—”_ Rick chokes as he scrambles to stand up on his knees, toes curled into the wood when he isn’t sure if Negan wants him to stand or not. But Negan’s pulled him up just so and he nearly falls forward so quickly that he doesn’t have time to stop himself before he’s grabbing onto Negan’s knees for balance and crying out, clinging to them as his hair falls in his face. He glares at Negan furiously. “You can just ask,” he growls in annoyance. “You don’t have to pull me around everywhere.” Rick doesn’t know why Negan wants him in this position but he has a feeling whatever it is isn’t going to be pleasant. He drops his eyes and shifts nervously, uncomfortable with how he’s between Negan’s knees with his hands on him like this. He glances back and his eyes go to between Negan’s legs suddenly. 

Rick knows that Negan is attracted to him. That much is clear. So what does he want from Rick exactly? Just his blood? Or does it go farther than that? There has to be a sexual element to this. Rick knows that. But— he shudders slightly, not wanting to think about it any more deeply and hoping - _hoping_ \- that Negan doesn’t have the kind of sadistic inclination to force himself on someone. 

Rick suddenly recognizes how helpless he truly is, when he realizes that he probably wouldn’t be able to stop Negan if he _did_ want to take advantage of him that way. Now, he doesn’t think that any of Negan’s actions so far are really any evidence to assume that he might suddenly change his approach. Rick’s been plenty available since he woke up tied up in the barn and Negan’s barely touched him - never mind in a sexual way. So, that’s something. 

Nevertheless, pulls back a little bit on the collar and turns his head away, shuttering his expression and just hoping whatever this is is over soon.

Negan drops his hold on the collar’s ring when Rick turns his head away. He likes Rick like this. Close. Intimate. He doesn’t plan on actually _doing_ anything to him. Not tonight. He just wants to feel the warmth of the human right now.

He huffs a laugh at Rick’s last words and places his hands on Rick’s face again, running his thumbs over the man’s scruff. Rick holds still out of shock. Negan’s hands are cold on his cheeks and he shivers. 

“You would do as I ask then?” Negan tilts his head and smiles, a hint of playfulness underlying his tone.

Rick shivers, and then doesn't know how to react. Would he do as Negan asked? Honestly, probably not. And he doesn't know how to tell Negan that. He can't say it after he just told him that he _would_. Rick shakes his head and pulls away in a panic, dropping back onto the floor and scrambling back until there are a handful of feet between them. He shuffles so his legs are under him and looks up at Negan worriedly. _Fuck_. 

Negan’s taken aback, and he frowns. Well, that’s not what he expected. 

“I don’t—” Rick tries, but cuts himself off. He wipes a hand over his face and another shiver ripples through him. He can barely think he’s so tired. He grips the collar again and feels his eyes heat up. He wants this damn thing _off of him_ so badly and it’s only been on for a few minutes. He also wants his clothes back. He swallows, not knowing what to say.

Negan looks at him tensely. It’s obvious that the human is tired and scared, and he knows he shouldn’t push him anymore. He got the collar on him. He’ll consider that a victory for tonight.

He sighs and stands, going to the table where Rick had placed the quilt earlier. He picks it up and goes back over, holding it out to him.

Rick flinches, expecting him to drop it, but then when he doesn’t, Rick looks up hesitantly. He takes it carefully. “Thank you,” he says, holding it to himself.

“You’re welcome. Now go to sleep, Rick. Stay off the furniture. Stay out of the back rooms… Do you want me to bake you another loaf of bread?” Negan crosses his arms over his chest and waits as he gazes down at him.

“I— yes please.” Rick looks at Negan, and some of the tension leaves him. “Thank you.” 

Negan hums in acknowledgment and turns to go into the kitchen.

Rick wonders if he could ask Negan to get some oatmeal or something, and if he has anything in the cabin beside flour and oranges. 

“Um—” Rick doesn’t want to ask for too much. He knows Negan isn’t happy. But it’s freezing in this cabin and if he’s not going to be allowed on something soft then he’s just going to be miserable and cold all night. “Would you also be able to make a fire. Please? It’s… cold.” He swallows. 

Negan stops. A fire? He looks at his fireplace. He hasn’t lit a fire since winter the keep Lucille warm. There's still wood sitting in it, but it’s covered in a layer of dust and a few cobwebs. He looks back down at Rick, at him trying to hide behind the quilt. He knows Rick knows that he's not too happy with him right now. He wants Rick to be _grateful_ , not terrified. Honestly, he understands Rick’s reactions, and he’s mostly just annoyed that he’s not getting his way.

But he isn’t about to let Rick freeze. His goal isn’t to torture him. Just play with him.

Negan points to a tinderbox that’s sitting on top of the fireplace mantle. “There are matches in there. I assume you know how to use them?” He turns and goes back to the kitchen, gathering his ingredients.

“Yeah, I do,” Rick says with a sigh. He gets up and goes over to the fireplace. As he finds the box on top of the mantle his eyes land on medals on the wall above it. Some are still shiny but others are faded and dull. He sees years on them going back decades, then centuries. He glances back to Negan who’s doing something at the table near the stove. 

They could just be his grandfather’s - or, Hell, he could have even bought them second-hand at a junk store. Rick rolls his eyes and takes the tinderbox from the mantle. He grabs the matches therein and then turns his attention to the fire. There are a few musty logs in it but not much else. There _is_ a metal bucket by the side of the fireplace however that has some more wood and some small sticks in it. Rick sighs and wonders if Negan has any more wood stored somewhere. 

He listens to Negan in the kitchen as he gathers up some small sticks and bits of hay from the bucket and arranges them in the firebox. When he thinks it would probably make a decent fire he takes the match and lights it before holding it under the kindling. The hay lights immediately and the kindling follows, and then the fire's crackling comfortably along. Rick crosses his legs to settle in front of it, loving the heat warming his body, and grabs the poker leaning against the stone blocks. He pokes at it until the logs seem to be burning well. He sighs, feeling somewhat content for the first time in several days. He’s about to rub his arms for extra warmth when he remembers the blanket. 

He grabs it and wraps it around his shoulders, shivering at the warmth. He settles in front of the fire again and looks over at Lucille, who’s on the couch panting and looking at the fire happily. He glances over at Negan again before reaching out his hand for her to sniff, giving her a small smile. 

Lucille had watched Rick light a fire in the fireplace, perking up at the light and the heat, and she sniffs his hand when he offers it now. She gets up off the couch and settles in next to him, curling her body around him. Rick laughs softly and swallows. It’s actually really comforting having her like him - she’s been so friendly to him as long as he follows Negan’s rules. Rick sighs and settles into her, grinning and reaching his arm out over her back to scratch her neck and head.

Negan looks over from where he’s finishing the first part of the bread, leaving the mixture of yeast and water to rise. The image that greets him almost makes him whine. Rick and Lucille, curled in front of the fire. It’s _too cute_. He suddenly has the itch to draw it. He goes quietly back to the bedroom and gets another one of his sketchbooks, going back out and sitting at one of the dining room chairs. He works his piece of vine charcoal across the page, hatching in the scene that lays before him.

“Hey, there ya go,” Rick says quietly to Lucille, watching her pant as shadows and light from the crackling fire flicker across her black head. He smiles gently and sighs again, turning back to the fire as he absently gives her scritches and pets. Lucille lays her head down and closes her eyes. She likes the feel of Rick’s hands in her fur. It’s nice. He’s nice. The fire’s nice. She can hear the sound of Negan’s light stroke marks on his sketchbook page and it lulls her slowly to sleep.

A little while later Rick realizes it’s silent in the kitchen. The hair on the back of his neck prickles and he becomes hyper-aware of the collar around his neck again, though he tries to ignore it. Maybe Negan just left. Rick sighs as he watches the fire, adjusting the collar again and finding the lock on it. The ring on the front tinkles as he moves and he nearly growls. It’s like he’s wearing a goddamn _bell_.

Negan smiles as he hears the ring on Rick’s collar click, and he looks up from his drawing for a second.

Rick tugs at the lock again and holds it, like doing that means he can take it off. He sighs and releases it, focusing on petting Lucille and soaking in the warmth of the fire. 

_Oh, it’s not coming off, Rick,_ Negan thinks.

He puts his finished drawing down on the table, standing and checking on the sponge of his bread. 

Rick perks when he hears Negan in the kitchen again. The bastard _was_ just being quiet. Rick wonders how long the vampire is gonna be making bread for him. He smirks.

The bread looks good to go, so Negan adds the flour and salt and mixes it up until a dough is formed. He covers the bowl with a cloth, letting the dough proof, and then takes his sketchbook to the couch. Rick looks at him distastefully as he goes to the end of the couch by the fire and rubs at Lucille with his sock-clad foot. Lucille chuffs, shifting, but keeps her eyes closed. Negan smiles at her.

Rick sighs tightly. He wants to move. He’s getting a little too warm now anyway. But that would look rude and god knows he doesn’t want to be _rude_. Rick’s lips twist and he turns away. But his cheeks have heated up slightly and he knows it’s not because of the fire. 

It’s a strange feeling when Negan just _watches_ him. Rick doesn’t hate it. He knows he should. But Negan is good-looking - yeah, Rick said it - and generally not malicious, and is it so bad if Rick kinda likes the attention? Sure he hates Negan’s guts and knows he should be trying to escape instead of getting into the vampire’s good graces, but who would really give a damn if he stopped feeling miserable for a second and enjoyed it? In any event, he likes it better when Negan just looks at and doesn’t try to molest him. Rick glowers into the wood as it burns and pops.

“Lucille really likes you, you know?” Negan says after a few minutes, looking at Rick. The firelight bounces off his face and makes his features stand out beautifully. “She told me so.”

Rick rolls his eyes. What is Negan trying to achieve by telling him that, he wonders? He _knows_ that Lucille likes him. “…I like her company,” he says quietly. He likes it better than _Negan’s_ company, that’s for sure. 

Negan nods and opens his sketchbook. “I’m glad,” he says, ignoring any kind of _tone_ in Rick’s voice, and flipping to a blank page. He looks back up at the human.

He’s watching the fire in front of him, the embers snapping as they dance along the wood. The warm light moves in waves over the darkness of the room, casting Rick in a soft orange light. Negan wishes he had some oil pastels so he could capture the scene in color. As it is, he has charcoal, so that’s what he uses to start sketching out Rick’s profile.

He’s working on Rick’s eyes, trying to really capture that glower he’s got going on, when he says, “I do greatly enjoy your company too, Rick.” He flicks his eyes up at the human and back down at his drawing.

Rick’s lip curls up. Yeah, he bets Negan does. He turns away slightly so he’s looking more at the floor next to the fireplace and not directly at it. He doesn’t say anything.

Negan would sigh, but he doesn’t feel like exerting the energy to do so. He flips his page and starts drawing Lucille and Rick in his new position. Rick’s shoulders go up and looks at Negan sidelong, annoyed that he wants to draw him. Why can't he just leave him alone?

“I know nothing I say will console you,” Negan says while he draws, and Rick glowers, anger building by the second. “But I really don’t want to hurt you, Rick. I know this isn’t… ideal,” he grimaces, “but I do want you to be content.”

“ _How can I be content here?”_ Rick growls, furious at Negan’s admission, and Lucille starts at Rick’s angry words, whining softly. She moves away from Rick about an inch, and Negan pets her with his foot as he looks at Rick, taking in his words.

“I can _pretend_ , if you want me to. But I can never be _happy here_ when _my kids_ —” he points vehemently in the direction of town, the quilt falling half off of him, “—apparently don’t have a _father_ anymore?” Rick bares his teeth and breathes harshly through them, desperation and fury pouring out of him. He didn’t mean for that last part to come out as a question, but there it is. Outraged and horrified and utterly helpless. It’s true, but they don’t know that. And he can’t bear the thought of it. 

How Negan thinks he can be _content_ here is ludicrous and _grossly_ insulting. 

Negan really can’t blame Rick for worrying about his kids. He’s already promised to do what he can for them, to tell him their father is alive, to watch over them. He didn’t tell Rick, but he’d even considered sending them money under their father’s name.

God. He wishes Rick didn’t have a family. It’d make this a lot easier.

“I know,” he says softly, looking down at his drawing but just holding the charcoal in his hand. “I know.”

He grits his teeth as he thinks about it. Thinks about the kids growing up without Rick. Thinks about them wondering where he went their entire lives.

He thinks through different options of somehow letting Rick visit the kids, or bringing the kids to him. Thinks about how every option can blow up in his face and result in an angry mob after him or a stake through the heart. He can’t come up with anything good and it tears him apart.

He growls as he puts his head in his hands and grips at his hair. “Dammit, Rick! I _know!”_ Lucille whines and moves closer to Rick.

Rick glares coolly at Negan as the man growls and yells. He puts his hands on Lucille hopefully to calm them both down. He scratches her fur and pets her, holding her close to him. 

Negan takes a moment, head still in his hands. “You think me a heartless monster, don’t you?” he asks quietly.

Rick doesn’t stop at Negan’s question. He pets Lucille’s head and feels her soft fur. “I don’t really know you, Negan,” he says after a second. “You haven’t done anything terrible to me I suppose, besides keep me from my kids. I don’t think you’re necessarily bad. You haven’t—” He breaks off and swallows. “What are you _really_ keeping me here for? You could have—” They both know what he could have done. “Why are you keeping me here?” He exhales shortly. “Is it sex?” He shudders. “Is it blood?” His lips twist. It’s still hard to believe that Negan is what he says he is. 

Negan looks up at Rick, dropping his arms and hanging his hands down in front of his knees. So, he’s finally brave enough to ask the questions, huh?

“Why is it that you wanted me?” Rick asks. “Why suddenly does it matter to you to—” _to keep me alive…_ “Have you had other human… _companions_ … before?” Rick holds Lucille and looks into the fire, annoyed and frustrated. 

Negan’s at least glad that Rick doesn’t think he’s all bad. Yeah, he’s not really doing this the best way he could have, but he made his choices and he’s sticking with ‘em.

“I’m keeping you here for my own protection,” he says, voice level. “Though you may promise not to tell, you will want to. That _want_ makes words easily slip. There are beings out there who will feel that want, make you talk, and come after me.” He grunts and cocks an eyebrow. “I’d rather not have to deal with them.”

Rick sighs and his shoulders fall. Yeah, he figured as much.

“I didn’t just kill you, Rick, because frankly, I’m tired of taking human lives.” He gestures to the display of war medals on the wall behind him. They date back up to 200 years, and some aren’t even American. Rick glances up dully at the medals again.

“I’ve fought in a lot of wars just to pass the time. I’m tired. I wanted to be left in peace for a couple hundred years, but no. _You_ had to come investigate your cow problem.” Negan rolls his eyes before sighing.

Rick thinks about the cows vaguely. It all seems so pointless now. The _cows_ are what he was worried about. Dammit. He should have just let it go. Now he’s stuck here because he wanted to make old farmer Greene happy. His lip curls. He would have bought Negan a dozen more cows if he’d known what he does now. 

Well, he would probably have moved out of town if he knew what he knows now, to be honest. 

“No, I’ve never had a human _companion_ before. No, I don’t want you for sex. That desire has been all but erased from me.”

Rick’s almost surprised when he hears that. He’s relieved at least, not that he really was worried about that. He was too confused and scared the first night to even think about it and Negan hasn’t made a move like that on him yet - and he’s had plenty of chances. 

“But, yes, Rick…” Negan looks up, staring directly at him. “I do want your blood. Since my _bovine consumption_ was not acceptable, you will be my replacement food source.”

Rick cringes and turns away when Negan says he does want his blood. It’s so… awful when he says it out loud. He’ll be his _replacement food source_. Rick shivers, and the collar around his neck feels like a noose. He feels like he’s suffocating. And he hates Negan’s eyes on him, now. He can feel the burn on his cheek like a physical thing. He feels sick again. He takes comfort in Lucille’s warm body against him - she’s almost neutral in this whole thing - though he knows she won’t protect him from Negan. In the end, she does what _he_ says, no matter how friendly she is towards Rick. 

Lucille bumps her head against Rick’s knee, placing her head in his lap. She gazes up at him, whining softly. She wants him to calm down and be happy to be here. She doesn’t understand why he doesn’t like his collar. Why he doesn’t like Negan. Rick jerks, surprised. He feels… weird. Like he knew what was going to happen and he’s mostly calm about it, but something about the way Negan is just putting it out there is… Rick shivers and strokes Lucille, scritching her neck and petting her. She’s a calming weight on him and he holds onto her to keep himself from bolting out the door into the darkness.

Negan flicks his gaze to the fire before standing up, setting his sketchbook on the couch. Rick flinches and Negan goes back to the kitchen to finish making his bread. “Human blood is more sustainable than animal blood,” he explains, “so I won’t need as much or as quickly from you as I did from the cows.” He dusts his table with flour before dumping the raised dough onto it. He pulls his sleeves up and begins kneading and shaping the dough. “If anything, I’ll only need to take from you once a month. At most, a cup of your blood, but I really shouldn’t even need that much.” He shrugs, speaking very nonchalantly about the whole situation. It _is_ his way of life. It had been for over two hundred years. And Rick is going to have to get used to it _real fast_.

Rick listens with a growing unease as Negan explains about what vampires need from humans versus cows.

 _One cup of his blood_. That’s… Rick hasn’t even _seen_ that much blood in his whole life, never mind his own. Yeah, maybe he’s seen people shot but by that time the blood’s mostly sunk into the ground or soaked into their clothes. Thinking about a full _cup_ of his own _blood_ being _sucked_ out of him… makes him start to feel a little queasy. 

Negan works the dough into a nice loaf shape, placing it into the pan. He retrieves an egg from his icebox and cracks it into a bowl, whisking some water into it. He lightly pours the mixture on top of the dough before taking a knife and stabbing a few holes into the bread before slashing a couple of lines along the top.

Rick listens to Negan make the bread, trying to focus on the motions and the warm, yeasty smell. He takes a few slow breaths, but his hand’s begun to shake and his stomach swirls.

“It’s really not as painful as you probably think it’ll be,” Negan says, absentmindedly touching his own neck. “It's quite pleasant, actually.” He pops the bread into his oven, the fire within still going from when he made Rick’s dinner. He turns back towards Rick once it’s in, walking back to the couch.

It’s only when Negan says it isn’t painful, _it’s actually pleasant_ , that Rick feels true nausea build at the back of his throat. He’s too warm and now with the collar it only makes him feel more lightheaded. 

Before Negan can say another word, Rick’s scrambled up and out past the heavy wooden door, heedless of the dark as he grips onto the deck post and vomits over the side of the steps. He holds the wood like a lifeline, because if it weren’t for the warm light pouring out of the slightly open door, he knows the darkness would be like ink around him, black and oppressive. 

He feels instantly better as soon as the contents of his stomach have been emptied onto the dirt. He moans and coughs, and then realizes that he just probably threw up most of or at least half of the stew Negan made for him. He holds his head as he shivers and lets the icy breeze blow over him and dry the sweat from his body. He still feels damp but the chill and silence are a blessing. He wipes his mouth and pulls at the collar slightly when it feels too tight. He sits down on the steps, feeling the rough wood under his toes, and breathes the good, cold night air into his lungs. 

Negan sighs in the house. Out of all the reactions that he was expecting, Rick bolting out of his house into the darkness and vomiting was _not_ one of them. This man's a sheriff for God’s sake. Surely the talk of blood can’t be _that_ unsettling.

Negan sighs again as he listens to Rick cough up the last of the stew he’d made him for dinner. There’s still a little left in the pot, and he wonders if he should heat it up. Lucille whines and starts to go after Rick, but Negan stops her. “Let him be, girl. Give him a moment.” Lucille huffs and lays back down, gazing at the door with big eyes. Negan waits a minute before getting up and going through his pantry, looking for one of his newer purchases. Once he finds it, he sniffs it to make sure. Satisfied, he goes outside to the porch.

Rick shudders when he hears the door creak open, and he would get up and walk away but there’s nowhere for him to go besides deeper into the unforgiving dark.

Negan tries to make himself non-threatening as he goes over to him on the stairs, going slow and keeping back an arm’s length. Rick glances back at him from where he is and is surprised to see him approaching almost cautiously. He sniffs, glad at least that the vampire doesn’t look annoyed at him for wasting food.

Negan stops next to Rick and crouches down to his level, holding out a piece of mint candy. Rick cringes back slightly, confused. Then he sees the little square of candy and blinks in surprise. It’s white with red lines - peppermint.

“Eat this,” Negan says. “It’ll help.”

Rick’s mouth waters even before he reaches out to take it. But then he’s holding back, wary. He pauses only a second however before he takes it. It would be rude not to. “Thank you,” he says, holding and sniffing it gratefully. He hasn’t had hard candy in so long. Most of the time his sugar comes from Maggie’s pies he samples. It’s a comforting reminder of civilization. This probably came from her store, too. Rick has to blink back sudden tears when he thinks about that. _Oh, Maggie_. He sniffs again and wipes his eyes.

“Sorry about the mess,” he says dully as he contemplates the candy, like he can’t eat it until he knows Negan isn’t somehow upset at him for being sick in his front yard. But Negan doesn’t _seem_ upset. He’s acting calm and his eyes are gentle and almost warm. Some tension in Rick’s chest loosens. 

Negan smiles gently. “It’s alright,” he says. “I’ve got more I can heat up, I just thought you’d want to wait. Not sure how your stomach was feelin’.” He nods towards the candy in Rick’s hand. “That’ll help your stomach and the taste in your mouth. Go on.”

Rick looks down at it. “Thanks,” he says. Then he swallows and tastes the acid and makes a face before putting it in his mouth. He sighs as the mint bathes his tongue in cool sweetness. He sucks on it and shivers in relief, sagging on the wood.

Negan slowly eases out of his crouch, instead sitting next to Rick on the steps. Rick tenses again and presses against the beam to his left. He stares at Negan - so much bigger than himself, truly - and wraps an arm around his stomach nervously. The candy in his mouth for some reason keeps him more or less stationary and calm. As does the post to his left, and the darkness in front of him. He swallows and looks at the ground.

Negan looks out into the dark yard. “I didn’t realize talk of blood would make you react that way. I _am_ sorry for that.” He can smell his soup mixed with sharp stomach acid on the ground a couple feet away and he rubs at his nose.

When Negan apologizes - actually _apologizes_ \- Rick looks at the vampire incredulously, then hums and looks out into the yard. “Thanks,” he says. “I don’t uh… deal with the stuff much.” He moves the candy around in his mouth and his eyebrows furrow. “Only been sheriff for a few years. But even before that, it was pretty quiet. Peaceful, you know. …Up until not long ago… anyway…” He glances over to Negan and away. 

He knows there’s hypocrisy in his annoyance - if what Negan said before was true anyway. About taking care of the wolves and making the roads safer. It’s still difficult to reconcile though. Negan _is_ a monster. Even if what he does works for him. There’s still something that feels incredibly wrong about… _drinking_ a person’s blood. It would be _cannibalism_ if Negan was the same species, which Rick doubts. It’s horrifying, and Rick doesn’t think things like Negan should be allowed to exist. Call it top of the food chain arrogance, or simple survivalism, but, whatever it is, he doesn’t question it. Whatever it is helped them survive as a species, and he doesn’t think that’s a bad thing. 

Negan smiles at Rick insinuating that he’d upset the peace of the small town. “Oh. Did I do that? Sorry,” he snorts with a smile. He stretches out his legs, his feet nearly surpassing all the stairs and hitting the ground.

Rick exhales softly and looks into the yard, and then he’s staring when the vampire stretches. He’s _huge_. Rick swallows and shifts slightly, feeling his lack of clothing acutely again.

Negan fiddles with his shirt sleeves, remembering when he bought it all those years ago. Lord, he’s old. He sometimes wonders why he keeps going. Why he keeps up the life he leads when he knows it just brings others pain, no matter what he does. What’s his purpose anymore? The world would probably be much better without a _monster_ like him in it. 

But at least he prides himself on not being as monstrous as some other vampires he’s met. If Rick knew the things Negan’s seen, the human cattle farms, the blood banks, he’d think he was living in luxury here.

Negan stays quiet, lost in thought, and listens to the sound of Rick’s heartbeat. It seems to be slowing back down to a more normal rhythm.

Rick sighs and draws his knees up before putting his arms on top of them, and then putting his chin on his crossed arms. He watches Negan out of the corner of his eye - gaze drawn to his long, intense form - while his eyelids get heavier. 

Negan can hear Rick’s breath evening out, and he wonders if he waits out here long enough, the human’ll just fall asleep on the porch. Perhaps he should allow him too. Then Negan can pick him up and put him wherever. But if Rick woke in Negan’s arms… 

“Rick, you wanna go back inside?” he asks, quietly, looking at him.

Rick hums in acknowledgment. The cold _is_ catching up to him, now that the nausea and temporary fever’ve passed. Negan reaches out then, slowly, and Rick tenses up. But there’s nowhere to go and he’s frozen to the spot and then—

Negan runs his knuckle down Rick’s face, from temple to chin. “Do you want to… go to sleep?”

Rick makes a pathetic whimpering noise and then immediately grits his teeth. Fuck.

Negan hides a grin at the noise. _Well, now…_

Rick pulls away and grumbles, hating himself for giving in even for a moment. He knows he's craving the comfort, after so much stress and pain. He’s tired. He swallows. Sleep. Yeah. Even if it’s on the floor, he guesses. He nods and rubs his face. “Yeah. Yeah, I should uh. Sleep.” He sniffs, eyes nearly closing as his exhaustion catches up with him. 

Negan smiles softly at him. Rick’s cute when he’s sleep deprived. And Negan wants nothing more but to grab that ring dangling from Rick’s collar and pull him inside, but he also doesn’t want him to panic and do something unhelpful like vomit again.

He stands up and holds a hand out, and Rick blinks and his shoulders go up protectively, unsure what Negan’s going to do. His eyes are closed and he's waiting for a hand on his collar maybe - but then he blinks and sees the vampire’s hand held out. He relaxes slightly. 

“Come on then,” Negan says. He cocks his head towards the house, the warm inviting light of the fireplace still flickering through the open door.

Oh… okay. 

Rick glances into the house at the fire and nods sleepily. He looks back up at Negan and his offered hand, and his lips twist in confliction, but he takes it after a moment and smoothes his expression. He doesn’t mind, really. He grips Negan’s cool hand and lets the other man pull him up. He wobbles and bumps into him slightly, and fear courses through him for a split-second. 

Negan places his free hand on Rick’s back as he wobbles, steading him. “Woah, now. Come on,” he says softly.

Rick shivers and leans into Negan’s hand as he gets his footing, unsettled by his reaction. “Thanks,” he says, and drops his eyes when he gets a little warm at the contact. He lets Negan guide him back inside without a fuss - almost appreciating that he’s close by with the all-encompassing darkness so thick behind them. At least Rick _hopes_ that Negan and-or Lucille would be good guards against whatever lurks out there… supernatural or not. Because it’s not like Negan’s gonna give him his gun back anytime soon. He sighs. 

Lucille perks up as the two come back in, trotting over to Rick and sniffing his hand. Rick smiles. “Hey, girl,” he says, and drops down into a crouch to pet her head and neck. Lucille pants happily at the petting, glad that Rick is back and seemingly okay. She licks his face happily and he laughs. Negan smiles at them and walks over to the quilt Rick’s left on the floor. He spreads it out over the rug before going back to his own room for a minute. He returns with another quilt and a small pillow, and places these down on the floor on top of the other quilt.

Rick keeps petting Lucille to try and avoid paying attention to what Negan’s doing. He hates how he’s being treated like barely more than an animal. Tied up in the barn, begging for food, wearing the collar, and now he has to sit and sleep on the floor. 

“You’ll sleep here,” Negan says. _For now_ , he thinks. He wants Rick to learn for himself that if he wants certain privileges, they have to be earned. For now, furniture is off limits. Hopefully Rick’ll be a fast learner.

Well, least Negan’s giving him another blanket and a pillow, Rick thinks. He doesn’t have to curl up in a corner and try to sleep like that on the bare floor. “Okay. Thanks,” he says, trying not to sound sarcastic and probably just hitting emotionless instead. He isn’t sure which is worse. He cringes slightly as soon as he says it, sure Negan’s going to take offense somehow at his lack of gratitude. 

Negan frowns at Rick’s lackluster gratitude. Does he not understand that Negan could _easily_ put him somewhere else? Somewhere worse. Somewhere outside.

Negan steps up in front of Rick and crouches down, petting Lucille. She wags her tail in joy. 

Rick cringes when Negan gets down next to them, knowing he’s gonna lay into him for not being _grateful_ enough. He feels sick and too warm again. He looks into the fire tensely. 

Negan looks at her as he speaks calmly, “You know, Rick… I don’t _have_ to let you sleep in here. There’s a nice stall in the barn with your name on it. I just _assumed_ you’d be happier in here. More _grateful_.”

Rick winces as Negan talks. “I’m sorry, I’m _sorry_ ,” he says. “I’m just tired. I _am_ grateful.” He sighs and stares down at the floor, hanging his head and swallowing heavily. He doesn’t know what Negan wants. He’s too exhausted to figure it out and at this point, he would sleep wherever Negan shoved him. 

Negan finally looks at him and stops petting Lucille, keeping his smile on his face as Rick thanks him fully this time. He then reaches out the hand that was on her and runs it through Rick’s hair, pushing it back, trailing his hand down till it rests heavily on Rick’s neck, half on skin half on leather. He tilts his head at Rick and smiles softly.

Rick sees Negan’s hand reach for his face but he’s too terrified to do anything but freeze. Then Negan’s large hand is in his hair and through it and at his neck and Rick keens without realizing it, his hands loosely balled on the wood. 

Negan tried not to giggle at that _sound_ he’d pulled from Rick with barely a touch. _That’s better_.

Rick shivers and shakes slightly, trying not to buckle under the weight of Negan’s hand. It’s not that it’s all that heavy really, but Rick _so_ wants to avoid any kind of anger on Negan’s part, he’d drop to the floor if Negan said the word. He would right now anyway since he’s about to pass out. 

He swallows thickly, wanting desperately to pull out of Negan’s hand, if only for how confused he feels. He shivers again and tries to relax. 

“Thank you for letting me stay in the house,” he says, glancing up at Negan quickly and then away. He rolls his shoulders slightly under Negan’s hand but doesn’t pull away. 

And then for some strange reason, instead of wanting Negan to take his hand away and not touch him at all - he has the desire for his hand instead to go somewhere else. On his face or in his hair again. He hates it when Negan talks to him like a disobedient, wretched dog for being unappreciative for small basic necessities and demands he grovel for those necessities - but he can’t deny that he likes, in some odd way, the gentle touch he gets from the man. He doesn’t know why and he loathes himself for feeling it, but he can’t help that he enjoys the small bits of comfort that he receives from him— Amid all the threats and violence, seeing that maybe Negan isn’t completely terrible calms his buzzing mind for at least a few seconds. 

Negan moves his hands to cradle Rick’s face, tilting it up slightly so Rick will look at him, and a small noise slips from Rick’s throat. He blinks in the firelight and looks into Negan’s low, clear eyes. He blinks fast and his mouth twists as he looks away. He licks his lips and swallows, and he realizes in the silence how loud his breathing is - and how absent Negan’s is… 

He’s barely moving… like an icy glacier. 

Rick shivers. 

Negan’s cool thumbs stroke over Rick’s cheeks and he makes another low noise and shifts, his hands twitching. He wants to grab Negan’s wrists. His shoulders twitch up. 

Negan can sense the tiredness in him, but he thinks there’s something else there that’s giving in to him. Just a little bit. 

“You’re welcome,” he says, smoothly, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss to Rick’s forehead. Rick jerks slightly in surprise. 

“Ah—” he says, but then snaps his mouth closed. He looks down and swallows as he feels his whole body warm. He still doesn’t know how he feels about Negan being affectionate with him but it’s not… bad. It’s better than anything negative anyway. And if he’s being realistic about this… Negan wanting to be nice to him is in his best interests. If he wants to stay alive… being receptive and amenable to this man would help him. 

Rick keeps his eyes on the floor as he fidgets with his hands on his legs. 

Negan leans back and looks at Rick. “Now, get some sleep, okay?”

Rick looks up for a second. He nods. “Okay.” He really does want to pass out. He figures it’s at least midnight or some time past. 

Negan pets over Rick’s cheek for a moment more with his knuckles, soaking up the warm and memorizing what those delicious noises crawling out of his throat sound like. Negan hopes he’ll hear more of those later on. They send shivers down his spine that he hasn’t felt in _years_.

Rick shivers and tries not to cringe away when Negan keeps petting him. He’s not a _cat_ …even if it feels weirdly good. 

When Negan lets go, his hands fall gently, softly lowering Rick’s face back down, and Rick sighs and relaxes. Negan pets Lucille, still sitting next to the two, before standing up and moving to the kitchen to check on the bread, and leaving Rick alone to get settled.

Lucille bumps her head against Rick’s shoulder, huffing slightly, and he smiles. He huffs a laugh when she moves to the quilt on the ground and spreads out along one side it, leaving room for him. Her large eyes shine in the firelight as she waits for him.

“You wanna keep me warm or something do ya?” he asks, reaching down to pet her head, scratching under her chin, and she pants happily and rolls onto her back, her legs flailing in the air. _Yes!_ she arfs.

Negan chuckles slightly from his spot in the kitchen. He’s pulling the bread from the oven, but it’s not quite as brown as he’d like it, so he puts it back. He glances over to the two in the living room and has a sudden jealous thought that if Lucille keeps Rick company in the day and the night, she wouldn’t sleep with him anymore. He hums softly, looking back to the oven.

Rick laughs outright when Lucille rolls onto her back and he carefully reaches in to scratch her belly. “Alright, well then,” he says with a grin as he gives her scritches in what he hopes are all the right places. She’s warm and happy and he just wants her to stay. 

He glances to Negan who’s got the bread out of the oven, and then away. He exhales tensely and shifts the collar around his neck with his shoulders. He pushes it up slightly with his hand to give himself more room to breathe but it just falls back down again when he drops it. The low frustrated growl he makes borders on a whine but he cuts himself off before that even though he desperately wants to let it out. He _wants_ to whine and yell and scream and claw and _bite_. He wants to react like the indignant animal Negan’s made him into. 

His mouth twists and he rolls his eyes at the fire. He drags his hand through his hair with nails scraping hard on his scalp, and smiles at the sensation. Lucille wags her tail as Rick pets her, tongue lolling in happiness. She rolls back over when he stops, and grabs the hem of his shirt softly with her front teeth. She tugs lightly, whining. _Lay down_. She pats her paws against the quilt.

Negan smiles at Lucille’s whines. Rick is so tired, but the man can’t calm down. Negan also picks up that little growl from Rick, hears the clink of the metal ring on the collar. He knows Rick’s tugging on it again. He knows he hates it.

Negan smirks, and checks the bread again.

“Okay, okay,” Rick says as Lucille tugs on his shirt and pats the quilt. He sighs and pulls the quilt on the ground over a little and grabs the other quilt Negan dropped down as well as the pillow. He groans when he thinks about sleeping on this hard floor but… he’d rather not be outside, so he guesses it’s better. 

He pats the pillow where he put it by Lucille’s head and drops down facing the fire, pulling the quilt over him. Then he realizes quickly it’s too hot on his face so he turns onto his back. Almost immediately he feels the exhaustion weighing on him, but he can’t sleep like this either so he turns again and curls up facing the rest of the cabin, but he avoids eye contact with Negan and closes his eyes. 

Lucille watches Rick get settled into his makeshift bed before laying down with her head near his and her tail near the fire. She nuzzles her cheek into his hair. She likes this.

With the fire warm on his back, Rick listens to Lucille and the noises Negan makes moving around the cabin, and quickly falls asleep. 

Negan finally takes the bread out for good and leaves it on the counter to cool. It’s a perfect shade of golden brown with the hatch marks he made a nice white. _Beautiful_. He hopes Rick appreciates it.

He turns back to Rick and finds him asleep. The human's face is finally relaxed, something Negan hasn’t seen for a while, and he looks at peace. Well, as much peace as one can be when sleeping on a hard, wood floor, but nonetheless… 

Negan goes back to the couch, picking up his sketchbook and petting Lucille. She licks his hand and watches as he sits down on the floor in front of Rick and starts sketching. She quickly falls asleep alongside Rick as he draws. 

Negan draws Rick and her from a few different angles, filling the last few hours of darkness with the soft sound of charcoal scratching on paper.

When he can feel the sun beginning to rise, and his energy draining, he writes a note to Rick, explaining that the leftover stew is in the icebox and that the pantry is free for him to take from. He reminds Rick to make him a shopping list of foods he’d like, reminds him that the back rooms are off limits, and wishes him a good day.

He leaves the note on the kitchen table next to the bread loaf and heads off to bed himself, alone.

([x](http://laundy.tumblr.com/post/179431943729/commissioned-by-you-answer-to-me-for-a))


	7. Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick’s deputy and a motley crew of volunteers come to see why he hasn’t returned, and Rick has to choose between safety… and freedom.

**Thursday, April 21st, 1881**

Rick wakes with stiff, hurting limbs to the dark interior of the cabin. He blinks in confusion and groans as he rolls onto his back to stretch out, but his hand hits something hard and furry. He looks up, startled. Through the thin cracks of light streaming in around the thick blackout curtains he can see that it’s Lucille. 

She starts at the sudden hand colliding with her snout, waking her from her sleep.

“Oh, oops, _sorry_ , Lucille, I’m sorry…” He pushes himself up to sit cross-ways and lets her sniff him before he pets and scratches her apologetically. She snorts softly and looks at him as he pets her. She bumps his knee with her head. _It’s okay_ , she huffs.

Yawning, she stands and stretches, her front legs and then her back, before shaking out her fur and trotting away from Rick to her water bowl, lapping noisily at the liquid. Rick sighs. He gets up and stretches as she does, rolling his shoulders. He folds up both quilts and takes them and the pillow and sets them to the side of the fire - which is just a pile of ash by now. He groans. It’s chilly in the cabin and he wishes he had his clothes again. He looks toward the back of the cabin where the other rooms are; where Negan’s sleeping, probably, and where his clothes are. He glares at the door, and he glances to Lucille. He knows she would stop him from going in there or probably even going close to them. 

He grumbles in frustration and pushes the front door open instead. He sighs when the cool air and morning sunlight hits him. Wet dew on the porch is a refreshing feeling on his bare feet and he walks down the steps onto the gravel. He glances back to the house and the front door open just a crack. His heart starts to beat faster when he remembers what Negan said. He said that Lucille would be guarding the place all day. Rick took that to mean that he couldn’t leave. Of course. But what does that _mean?_ How far can he go?

He looks back to the road leading away from the house - and into town - longingly. He tugs at the collar in annoyance, loathing how snug around his neck it is. He hates it, he hates it, he _hates_ it. He growls and walks at a slow, careful lope down the road. _Come onnnn, Lucille_ , he thinks. 

Lucille hears the crunch of the gravel as Rick steps off the porch. She raises her head, her ears flicking. How far would he go? Was he going to try to walk away? She knows that is not allowed, and as soon as the crunch of rocks under Rick’s feet starts getting farther from the house and closer to the front gate, she bolts out the door.

Rick is walking slow, but he’s still past the fence and making his way down the road. Lucille growls and dashes out to him. He hears her when she jumps onto the gravel, and he stops expectantly. He waits for her to leap in front of him but he still flinches when she does. His heart pounds despite himself but he tries not to show fear. He doesn’t think she’d hurt him if he just stayed there. She turns and glares at him, teeth bared, chest rumbling. _Go back!_ She barks aggressively.

He sighs. “Okay, okay,” he says anyway, and backs up to the gate. He watches the road as he does so - the one that goes to town and to his kids - and when his back hits the post he swallows hard.

Lucille watches him as he backs up. _Good_. She follows him back, a growl still in her chest. She won’t be happy until he’s back within the fence line of the front yard. He takes another deep breath and runs a hand through his hair, looking at Lucille sadly. 

“You know my kids are out there, right?” he asks her, pointing towards town. “They _need me_ and I can’t stay here forever,” he says with low defiance. Lucille feels a little bad when Rick mentions his pups, but she trusts that they’ll be okay. Negan wouldn’t take Rick away if they really needed him… right?

“So I’m not _going to_.” He sets his jaw and looks toward the road steadily. Lucille huffs and barks at him. Of course he’s going to stay forever. Who’d he think he was kidding? She comes closer and pushes at Rick’s legs. _Get inside_ , she barks.

Rick frowns at her. “What? I can’t even go outside the fence?!” he demands, glaring at her even as he slips around back, crossing his arms. “You two can’t keep me cooped up in this five-hundred square foot patch of land forever, you know. I’m gonna go goddamn _crazy!”_ He growls and resists the urge to kick the fence. To kick _Lucille_. He knows _that_ wouldn’t go over well. 

Then he feels tears at his eyes when he thinks of his kids. He shakes his head, wipes his nose with a sniff, and stalks off in the direction of the barn. Lucille snorts back at him and follows intently. 

“And _don’t you follow me!_ ” he yells at her, whirling on her and pointing at her nose. “I’m not _leaving_ okay? _Chrissake_.” He rolls his eyes fiercely and grumbles, glaring as he walks. 

Lucille resists the urge to snap at his finger, but only by a hair. With one last boof, she sits down in front of the open gate and watches him go. She doesn’t think he’ll try escaping into the woods anytime soon, and if he does she’ll sniff him out. For now, she decides to stay by the fence. Just in case.

Rick pushes open the barn door and makes sure Lucille isn’t following him before he slams it shut again. He quickly makes his way through the barn to the back of the yard. 

Daisy’s still munching on grass, seemingly fine. Rick sighs a breath of relief. He can see now that the rope going from her neck to the tree is long enough for her to drink from the creek. Thank god. He completely forgot about her last night. He’s just glad she’s okay. He gives her a pat and makes sure there’s enough grass for her before he goes back into the barn. 

He walks tiredly into the first stall on the right. He doesn’t particularly care that this is the one Negan held him in. All he knows is that there’s soft hay here and Negan’s asleep and Lucille is by the fence and the sun has risen. 

The orange he left the other day is still on the plate and the poncho is laying on the hay. He sighs and picks the poncho up and pulls it over himself. It’s big on him but at least it’s better than just being in his underclothes. It’s cold in the barn this early too and he wants to just… pass out again. 

He sighs and eats the orange first. The sticky sweet citrus is enough to fill his empty stomach, thankfully. That taken care of, he curls up on the hay and tries to go to sleep again. He thinks about his children as he lays there, and how he’ll get back to them sometime soon, before unconsciousness takes him.

Lucille sits by the fence for an hour or so, watching the sun rise higher in the sky and the birds flit from tree to tree. The clumps of grass in the yard blow softly in the breeze. She’s about to pounce on a delicious butterfly when her ears start to twitch. Someone is coming.

She turns to look down the road leading to town before dashing down it, keeping along the tree line. It doesn’t take long till she spots people on horses headed towards Negan’s. She bolts back to the house flying through the gate before she begins barking. _Negan! Negan! People! People!_ she practically howls as she flies into the house and into Negan’s room. She throws her front paws on the bed, pushing at Negan’s side as she whines and barks.

Negan jerks awake, trying to push Lucille off and hear what she’s saying all at once. “What? What? People?”

_Coming!_

Negan grits his teeth. “Shit.” It had to be someone from town looking for Rick. Who else would it be? He flies out of bed and dons a long-sleeve shirt, pants, and his wide-brimmed hat before checking the living room. Rick isn’t there. “Where is he?!” 

...

Carol sits high on her horse looking up to the homesteader Negan’s cabin. Following close behind her also on horseback are Glenn and Sasha. Both had volunteered to go around with her searching for any sign of the sheriff, Rick Grimes. 

He had disappeared several days ago and Carol thought he’d just got caught up and would be back soon, but as the days dragged on and no sign of him appeared, people started to get worried. Carl, the man’s young son, had taken it all with surprising maturity. He barely seemed worried as he took over care of Judith, his little baby sister. Carol had checked on them when Rick hadn’t shown that first night and neither seemed concerned. Well, Judith was only two so she didn’t even realize her father was missing. Their girl, Olivia, who cleaned and cooked, also took care of Judith, and Rick was away from home so often that the little girl probably didn’t even notice it. 

In any event, Carol made sure they had food and such. Olivia still had finances for the week, she said, so they would be okay for a few more days at least. 

Carol, Glenn, and Sasha had checked the scattered farms and homesteads surrounding the town but it was slow work and they hadn’t come across signs of him yet. Carol isn’t giving up, not by a long shot, but she was getting increasingly worried, though she doesn’t show it. Rick is her partner and it's unlike him to just disappear like this. 

She keeps her pistol close at hand and her eyes sharp as the three of them make their way up the dusty path past the pine trees in the dry, scraggly forest. 

...

Rick wakes from a restful few hours or so of extra sleep when he hears Lucille’s barking. He groans and tries to roll over and block it out with his hand but the barking is intent and aggressive and he knows immediately that something’s wrong. He shoves the poncho off and listens. 

He can hear horse hooves in the distance coming up the trail. _Oh, God_. He has a moment of blind panic, and then one of relief, and then of fear. Damn Negan to an eternity in _Hell_ , he thinks fiercely as he stumbles out the back of the barn and to the side of the house. He peeks his head up over the porch from the back and gets a glimpse of their visitors. 

It looks like Carol and Glenn and Sasha on horseback - his deputy Carol at the forefront with a flinty look on her face. 

Oh God, oh God, oh _God_. Rick tenses and it takes an enormous amount of willpower not to jump out and run to them. He knows that he absolutely cannot do that. Not unless he wants his friends to die for no reason at all. 

Just then, Negan steps out onto his porch, and Rick ducks down. 

Negan squints in the too-bright light around him. Ugh. He hates getting up before dark. He feels sluggish and weak and irritable. He pulls his hat over his face more and looks out to his front gate. His visitors have just arrived. Looks like Rick’s deputy and a few other _helpful_ folk. Negan snaps his fingers at Lucille. “Go distract them for a minute, girl.” Lucille huffs in confirmation and runs over to the trio, barking happily and wagging her tail, but trying to distract and spook the horses. Whichever comes first.

Negan meanwhile ignores them, heading down his porch steps. He can smell where Rick is on the side, can hear his pounding heart. Rick jolts when he realizes Negan’s coming for him, looking at him with dark glaring eyes from under his hat, and backs up fearfully with his hands up, mouth open and about to reaffirm that he’ll stay quiet and out of sight.

“Rick. Come with me. _Now,_ ” Negan growls, taking his arm. Rick makes a small noise, ready to go wherever Negan takes him. Negan leans in close to his face, his hat shadowing Rick too. “And if you make one noise I will _rip_ your throat out so that you cease to make any. Got it?”

Rick’s eyes flick to Negan’s teeth, the canines of which are unnaturally long and sharp. He shivers. “ _Yes_ ,” he whispers, trying to mask his very real fear of Negan. “I got it.” 

...

Carol grips her gun and glances back to the other two with a stern face as a large black dog - though it looks like a wolf - approaches. It’s wagging its tail, but Carol knows better. She clicks and taps the horse with her heels to get him to keep going, and he does, though his ears pin back nervously at the wolfdog's barking. Glenn and Sasha’s horses, however, shuffle and snuff, shaking their heads as the wolfdog trots around them. Dammit. 

Carol can see… a man on the faraway porch bathed in dark shadow. 

“Negan! It’s the Deputy Sheriff! If you’d be so kind as to keep control of your dog, it’d be appreciated!” she calls, one hand on her gun as she looks up to the house from underneath her own hat. But the neighs the other horses are making and the placating words Glenn and Sasha are attempting to calm them turn her attention back to her volunteers. 

Lucille continues to bound around the horses, keeping up a happy and friendly demeanor while keeping away from the horses’ feet. She stays by the two in the back mostly, noticing that the front one doesn’t seem to mind her. She pants and barks as she tries to herd the horses back the way they came. 

...

“Good,” Negan growls, pulling Rick in the direction of the trees on the edge of his property.

"Ow," Rick grunt as Negan pulls him - none too gently - towards the backwoods. His eyes flick to the forest worriedly, wondering just what Negan is going to do with him. He swallows a whimper and tries to keep calm.

Negan needs to get Rick out of sight. He can’t put him in the house; the deputy would see them go back on the porch and they were likely to search there anyway. He can’t put him in the barn for basically the same reasons. So, that leaves him with one choice.

“I’m putting you in the cellar,” he says, and Rick’s eyes widen. He didn’t know Negan even _had_ a cellar, nevermind that it would be outside. His eyes get wider when they approach a mound of earth by the tree he climbed, with a hidden wooden door angled on the other side. He hadn’t even noticed that. Negan lifts the wooden latch and opens the door with a grunt. The wood creaks and the strange smell of damp, cold earth wafts up out of the hole. It’s apparent that it hasn’t been opened in a while.

Rick wrinkles his nose uncomfortably, staring into the dark underground room.

“I could tie you up down there—” Negan says, and a shiver runs up Rick’s spine, his stomach turning, “but I’m not going to, Rick.” There’s a soft snarl on his lips, and despite that, Rick breathes a sigh of relief. He knows Negan could, though, and he goes cold at the thought.

Negan reaches up and pulls Rick toward him via the ring on his collar, their noses almost brushing, and Rick _yelps_. He grabs Negan’s hand tightly in surprise for balance for a second before forcing himself, out of pure fear of Negan’s reaction, to let go. He shivers and whines low, swallowing hard as Negan holds him close. He can feel Negan’s strength even in the two fingers gripping the metal loop in the collar. Negan searches his eyes. 

“Do _not_ make me regret that," Negan says, letting Rick's arm go but not the collar and making him flinch. He starts digging around in his pocket and Rick watches him warily. A second later he pulls out something metal and glittery. It’s gilded in gold and has an intricate carving of a peacock on it. “Here, it’s a matchbox. There should be candles down there,” he explains, pushing the tin into Rick’s hand and letting go of him altogether. Rick just barely holds onto the tin. He wobbles for a second and his eyebrows draw together in confusion. _What?_ He doesn’t know why he’s so confused but he can’t even remember the last time he was in a root cellar and the idea of semi-willingly going down into one - _right now_ \- is… uncomfortable. 

Negan watches him coolly, waiting. 

Rick gives him a desperate look before looking down into the dark. He can hear Carol and Glenn and Sasha attempting to control the horses and Lucille’s barking, and he knows she’s trying to distract them. His face crumples slightly before he nods and sniffs, going closer to the hole. His whole body protests when he sees the steps down. Dappled afternoon light illuminates the interior and he can see what looks like a little room down there with a table and bare shelves and lots of spider webs. He isn’t opposed to any of that - but he is opposed to the idea that he has to go and hide while his friends search for him and his family are deprived of another chance to see him. He wipes a hand over his face and grips the tin in a sweaty palm. 

“Ah…” he says, staring at the cellar, suddenly frozen. He glances down towards the house, and has the insane thought that he should try and get them to see him. Oh _god_ how much he wants them to capture or kill Negan and for himself to go with them back to town. Maybe if he just… “Look, you don’t have to keep me down there,” he whispers desperately, glancing back to the forest. “I can hide in the woods. Please, just—” He knows he’s being stupid right now but he can’t seem to stop himself from trying to figure something else out. There _must_ be something else. Some _way_ to get their attention. _Dammit,_ why didn’t he think of that before they got here?

Negan steps up right behind him, pressing against him and looking into the dark cellar over his shoulder. Rick jerks in surprise and Negan places his hands on Rick’s shoulders and leans his head down so his mouth is close to Rick’s ear. “You can go down there,” he says smoothly, “or I can _make_ you go down there. Those are your choices.” Negan runs the tip of his nose down the shell of Rick’s ear. “Choose.”

Rick shivers and then his ears are ringing. His eyes dart to the side of the house nearest the front and before he knows what he’s doing he’s pulling out of Negan’s grasp and backing up into the woods. 

_Oh, hell no_. Negan doesn’t have time for this. He reaches out with inhuman speed and grabs Rick’s wrist. Rick yelps quietly and Negan roughly grabs his chin with his free hand in an iron grip and forces the human to look up at him. Rick whimpers.

“Rick, I tried to be nice,” Negan says, voice low. “But you’ve made your choice. _Go down into the cellar. Now_.” He speaks clearly, his eyes a flashing a burning shade of crimson from beneath the shadow of his hat.

Rick tenses and his mind clears. _Go down into the cellar_ \- okay, okay. 

He shivers and goes numbly, the supernatural force keeping his mind from wandering or his limbs from doing anything other than what he's been told to do. He shivers as he climbs the steps down into the cellar and then he’s blinking in confusion when he’s down there. He looks up at Negan through the door. He _wants_ to leave but it’s as if a one-ton block of invisible iron is holding him back. 

“Don’t hurt them,” he says quietly as he grips the table for balance and drops the matches to the floor. 

...

Carol shouts at Glenn to get a hold of his horse and she growls in frustration when the dog focuses on the other two. Sasha manages to get her horse away from it enough to walk further up the path but the dog’s barking is scaring Glenn’s horse too much for him to handle. 

“Glenn, stay here,” she shouts at him, pointing back towards the road as she and Sasha galop up towards the house. 

“Negan! Get a hold of your dog or you will be held in contempt of the law!” Carol yells, eyes searching the property for the man. She gets her shotgun out and keeps it propped up on her hip, ready to fire. 

...

Negan looks down at Rick. He really does hate using his powers on Rick like this, but he doesn’t have the time to play around. He just needs Rick to _listen_. Negan would never show it, nor admit it, but he’s scared, and he just needs to get everything calmed down as quick as he can.

“I won’t,” he promises, before closing and latching the cellar door.

He hurriedly makes his way back to the front of his house, listening to Carol’s yells. Though he could break out of jail quite easily, he’d really rather not have to go through all that.

As he rounds the corner of his house, he slows to a saunter, hands in his pockets. The picture of ease. He lets out his signature two-tone whistle and Lucille immediately stops barking and bounces over to him. He pets her head and praises her before looking up at his visitors, going to stand in front of his porch steps. “Sorry about that, Deputy!” he calls out. “I didn’t see ya there. Went to relieve myself and thought Lucille was chasing a rabbit!” He laughs as Lucille sits next to him and pants happily.

...

Rick feels a wave of relief when Negan says he won’t hurt Carol or the others, but then he groans as Negan shuts and latches the door on him, leaving him in darkness. Some light still filters in from the cracks in the old wood but it’s not enough to really see by. He hears Negan stalk off and then Rick goes and checks the door. It’s heavy, sturdy wood and it doesn’t budge an inch when he pushes on it. He grumbles softly and glares at it before turning and kneeling down to look for the match tin he dropped. 

He feels around in the dirt before he finds it and then he strikes one on the inside of the lid where the rough surface is. Bright flame illuminates the dirty interior of the cellar and he cringes at all the cobwebs. He quickly finds the candlesticks on the table and lights one before flicking the match to blow out the flame. He sticks the candle in the dirt floor and sits down, listening carefully to what’s going on outside. 

...

Carol watches Negan suspiciously as he comes out from behind his house. He calls off his dog thankfully but where was he when they were yelling for him? He could hear them, without a doubt.

She lifts her chin and gun casually, though her face is still in shadows under her wide-brimmed hat. 

“Well she wasn’t chasing no rabbit,” Carol says, and looks around the property. “Mind if we have a quick look around, Mister…?”

Negan quirks an eyebrow at her, shifting his weight on his hips. “Morgan, but please, just call me Negan,” he says, waving his hand nonchalantly. “Mind if I ask what it is you’re looking for, Deputy?” He smiles.

"Negan," Carol says with a nod. She scans the property again. "There's a missing person we're trying to locate - the Sheriff, Rick Grimes. Have you seen him at all in the past few days?" 

...

Rick gets up and presses his ear to the door when he hears faint voices in the distance, but they're too muffled for him to make out what's being said. He huffs in annoyance and tries to find a better spot to listen from.

...

Negan shifts his weight again and puts his hands on his hips. “Well, as a matter of fact, I have seen him recently,” he says, nodding and rocking back on his heels. “About two days ago now. Came up here lookin’ for answers on y’all’s cattle problem.”

Carol's eyes narrow and she grips the reins to her horse more steadily. "Yes, that was what he was investigating," she says coolly, glancing to Sasha who meets her look with even worry. "About what time did he get here and how long did he stay?" she asks, turning back to him.

Negan rubs at his face and hums like he’s thinking back. “It was about midday, I suppose. He took a look around the place, but didn’t find anything.” He shrugs, leaning his upper body back and pressing his hips forward. “He told me he was off to Crimson Creek next to look for clues there,” he explains, clicking his tongue. “Said he might be awhile, you know. I think he was plannin’ on writin’ to ya when he got there.” 

Carol's eyes widen, and she’s immediately on her guard. Rick wouldn’t just _do that_. And none of the others they’ve talked to said he said that. 

"What?" Sasha asks incredulously. "Did he say why he wanted to do that?” 

“Rick wouldn’t just leave,” Glenn says from the back, and Carol smiles at Negan tightly. It doesn’t look like Negan’s armed but she gets a loose grip on her gun anyway, ready to ask him if they can look around. Which they _will do_ , by force or otherwise. 

Negan doesn’t falter at the humans’ reactions, though he does eye Carol’s hand on her gun. He shrugs. “Look, I’m just tellin’ ya what I know. Rick didn’t find anything ‘round here,” he gestures out around him, meaning his home and the town the three had come from, “so, he went to the next closest place.” 

“Right…” Carol says, unconvinced.

Negan makes sure to remember to breathe even though the only thing he wants to do right now is collapse back in bed. The sun overhead is so bright and he’s so tired. He keeps a smile on his face though. “He seemed pretty torn about headin’ off without tellin’ anyone, but who was I to stop him? I even lent him my horse cause his was getting pretty tired.” Negan hooks a thumb back towards his backyard. “You wanna take her back with ya? I think she’d be happier in her own stable.”

Carol tenses at the mention of Daisy. _Daisy_. Rick wouldn’t just leave his horse with a stranger without giving him directions to her care. And why was Negan just offering up the only horse he has, if he gave his own to Rick? Carol has only ever seen Negan walk into town, so she supposes it’s possible he had another horse, but for what purpose? 

“Yeah I think we’ll do that,” she says evenly, glancing to the stable and back. “Do you mind if we take a look around as well, Negan?” She props her gun up a little more and sees out of the corner of her eye that Sasha has too, her eyes trained on the man. “We just want to make sure we got everything if Rick... really did leave without tellin’ anyone but you... like you say he did.” She nods and smiles amiably. 

Negan looks to each person, seeing that their eyes are all trained on him. _Good_. He has enough energy left to try this once at semi-full power, and he hopes it has enough of an effect to warrant him expending himself. He takes a deep, unneeded breath and smiles.

“Of course. Please, look around as much as you want. I'm very sure that _you won’t find anything suspicious_ ,” he states strongly, pushing all of his suggestive energy forward, his eyes flashing red as he looks between all three people. He sags slightly as the power leaves him, and he hides his face with his hat again. _Please work. Please work._ “You can tie your horses to the fence if you’d like.”

Carol squints at him even as she feels a shiver run down her spine. She doesn’t know him but he sure is acting strange, that’s for sure. “Much obliged,” she says, dismounting from her horse. She keeps her gun steady. “Sasha, you keep Negan company while Glenn and I go look around, alright?”

Sasha nods and trots her horse closer to the house. 

Carol ties her horse to the fence, all the while keeping a side eye on Negan and simultaneously surveying the property. 

Negan just smiles and watches them. He doesn’t have much energy left, and Lucille can sense it. She’s leaning on him, keeping him upright. He pets her before flicking one of her ears and giving a soft click with his tongue. Lucille looks up at him before getting up and trotting to the backyard to keep watch.

Negan wobbles for a second when Lucille leaves, but he regains his footing quickly and looks up at Sasha. “You want some lemonade?” he asks. “I can whip some up.”

Glenn ties up his horse as well and follows Carol into the yard and over to the stable. Sasha leans down over her horse nonchalantly and gives Negan a smile. “I’d like that, thank you,” she says with a nod. She must have noticed him waver a second ago, but the thought, thankfully, seems to pass from her mind like water.

...

Once Carol’s sure Sasha’s comfortable staying with Negan alone, she leads Glenn into the stable. It’s a decent sized structure, if a little old and rotted in places. 

They have their guns out, but all they come across are some watchful barn cats and empty stalls. One looks like it has the remnants of oats and water for a horse and another has a tray and a poncho laying on the hay. 

Carol thinks that’s strange, but she doesn't know why, and she leads Glenn through the back door into the grassy yard. She sighs and makes her way over to Daisy and clicks gently. The horse neighs happily at her and snuffs into her hand looking for treats as Carol strokes her neck. 

“How are you doing, girl, hmm?” Carol asks, and looks around the yard more. 

She sees Lucille watching them from her spot by the creek. She’s stretched out in the dirt and grass like she’s sunbathing, paws towards the sky. She barks softly at them when they go to Daisy, panting happily, and looking all the more like a dog waiting for a belly rub. 

...

Rick can hear people approaching and he exhales shakily. He’s got his arms crossed to conserve body heat in the chilly interior and he doesn’t like the idea of having to hide somewhere, not like there are many places _to_ hide. There are shelves along both walls and it’s not like the table would really cover him. 

He grits his teeth before going over and blowing out the candle, then moving back into the shadows of the room and trying to stay as still as possible. 

...

Back at the porch, Negan nods and smiles at Sasha. “Two shakes, yeah?” He makes his way up his porch steps, leaning heavily on the banister. “Please, feel free to sit. Get out of the sun for a moment,” he says, gesturing a hand out to the rocking chairs on the porch. As soon as he’s in the shade of the porch roof, he takes his hat off and fans himself with it, making his way inside and towards the kitchen. 

Sasha watches Negan carefully as he goes inside, and then she looks around before getting off her horse. She secures it to the fence and strolls over to the porch. She gets in the shade and then leans against the beam, looking inside and listening to Negan as he works. 

“Have you lived out here long, sir?” she calls inside. 

...

Glenn laughs when Lucille stretches out but continues to walk around the perimeter of the yard, looking at the trees and brush with a keen eye. 

Carol pats Daisy and glances to Glenn before walking over in Lucille’s direction. She doesn’t pat the dog but goes over to the tree on the north side of the property. She sees a pile of dirt at the base of the trunk and raises her eyebrows but doesn’t think much of it - it’s probably just a hole the dog buried something in. 

Lucille whines when no one pets her, but it doesn’t last long. She’s up and trotting around the yard, chasing bugs and keeping eyes on Glenn and Carol.

...

Negan goes about making a single glass of cool lemonade, making sure to add enough sugar. He’s gonna need more lemons soon. “About half a year now,” he answers back. He’s moving slower than normal, but he’s going as fast as he can, trying to keep up appearances. He hasn’t heard anything from Lucille, so he’s hoping everything is going alright out back. He adds the water from the icebox and stirs the contents of the glass before going back out and holding the glass out to Sasha. She takes it and smiles at him. “Thank you very much... You don’t want any?” 

“Oh, no,” he says, shaking his head. “I just finished a glass before you got here… But yes, I like the quiet and the hunting is good here. It’s nice.” He chuckles softly and leans against his door frame. 

Sasha hums. “I understand that,” she says. She goes out to catch small game sometimes with her hunting rifle and she certainly understands wanting some peace and quiet, especially since she works as an apprentice at the blacksmith’s shop where the clanging of the hammers can get to be unbearable.

“What about you? How long you been out here?”

“A few years. Moved out with my parents who passed away a little while ago. The community here is good though so I’ve been taken care of.” She squints slightly, looking into his eyes. “We take care of each other out here, because if we don’t... then nobody else will.” 

...

As Glenn looks into the forest at the edge of the property, he spots something unusual. It looks like a small mound of earth, but the rest of the land is flat or rocky. 

“Carol,” he says, getting her attention. “Does that look odd to you?” He points out the mound. She looks over and squints in the bright afternoon light. She hums and glances back towards the cabin.

In the cellar, Rick’s breathing picks up when he hears Carol and Glenn come closer. His eyes are locked on the door and he licks his lips. If they come over here, they’re sure to see the door and open it and then what? Unless Negan deflects their attention somehow. Rick grits his teeth. Negan better have a plan because he promised not to hurt anyone and Rick can’t see how things won’t get violent if they discover him down here. 

Lucille notices the two looking towards the cellar. She doesn’t want to cause too much of a scene, but she yips softly and bounces over to Glenn. He seemed like he liked her before, so she gets close and sniffs at his hand, her tail wagging.

...

Negan listens to Sasha’s words, nodding. “Yeah, you’ve got a good little town there,” he says. “I really only visit for supplies and the occasional drink, but everyone I’ve met has been right nice.” He pushes off the door frame and goes to sit in his rocking chair, offering the other one to her. She shakes her head with a smile. “I do hope you find out what’s making your cows sick. Perhaps Rick will return with the answer.” 

“Thank you,” she says, “I sure hope he shows up. It can’t be easy for his kids having him disappear like this.” She takes a drink of the lemonade. 

...

Rick jerks in surprise when he hears Lucille bark, and the collar jingles. He nearly yelps but stops himself just in time and grabs the metal ring on the front to silence it. _Dammit_. He swallows hard, shaking slightly, and takes deep, silent breaths. 

And then, suddenly, rage at Negan for putting him in this position burns through him like a forest fire, heating him almost to discomfort. He grabs at his hair with his free hand and pulls at it until it hurts and then he drags his nails down his scalp sharply. He claws at the back of his neck where the collar is and then stifles a whimper, dropping his head down and gripping at the leather until his fingers dig into his neck. He bites his lip and fights back tears as he hears Glenn just outside the door. 

...

Glenn’s eyes flick to Lucille carefully and he steps back when she gets closer. “H-hey,” he says, trying to stay calm. She’s larger than he thought before. _Much_ bigger. 

Carol meanwhile narrows her eyes and looks to the cabin as the dog approaches. She knows Negan is letting it roam intentionally, and she doesn’t like it. 

She looks at the door in the mound of earth again. She knows something about this is important but it escapes her how, and all she can think is that it’s just a root cellar. He’s most likely just got vegetables and potatoes and preserves down there and it’s probably only the size of a shoebox considering Negan and the previous occupant of the cabin lived alone. 

“Come on,” she says to Glenn, striding away towards the creek. 

Glenn looks up from Lucille as Carol leaves and gives the dog a nervous smile before following. He thinks it’s weird that she didn’t even want to investigate the cellar, but that dog is making him nervous and he doesn’t want to stick around any longer than he has to. 

Lucille whines when they leave her, acting sad as she watches the duo walk away. She plops down onto the ground and huffs, watching them head towards the creek. There isn't much over there that Lucille is concerned about, so she stays where she is, not wanting to scare the humans.

...

Negan nods at Sasha as he rocks in his chair. “He’s just a town over. I’m sure a letter will arrive from him soon and all this worryin’ will have been for nothin’,” he says, giving her a small smile. 

“Yeah,” she says. "I’m sure it will.” Sasha looks into the yard. She hears the dog bark in the backyard, but not Carol or Glenn. She hopes they’re okay. 

Negan glances to Sasha’s glass. “How’s the lemonade? Sweet enough?

"It’s very good, thank you."

"Rick made a face when I made it for him but he was too polite to tell me it was sour,” he says, chuckling.

She laughs nervously. “He’s as polite as they come,” she agrees. 

...

Rick breathes a shaky sigh of relief when he can’t hear them talking anymore. They must have moved on. He doesn’t totally understand why they _didn’t_ check the cellar, but he supposes, in hindsight, that Negan probably fixed it so that they wouldn’t. Messed with their heads like he has twice now with him. 

A shiver runs up his spine and he rubs his arm. He hates that Negan can do that. Just tell him to do something and he has no choice but to do it. Negan even made him fall asleep with a few words. 

He feels like he should be more horrified about the implications of such a power, but mostly he’s just annoyed. He huffs and rolls his eyes. Well, just because Negan has the power of suggestion doesn’t mean that Rick’s just going to roll over like a well-trained dog and do as he says for fear of being forced to do something. Nope, not gonna happen. 

...

Over by the creek, Carol can’t see anything suspicious, and Glenn doesn’t either, so they do another sweep of the backyard and then go around to the front. Lucille follows as well from the other side of the house. She makes her way up the stairs to sit by Negan on the porch. He reaches down to pet her.

Carol and Glenn find Sasha and Negan, and his dog, on the front porch. Carol looks up at them with her hands on her hips. “Well, it looks all clear here,” she says. 

“I’m glad that it does,” Negan says to her, chuckling slightly. “Is there anything more I can do for you, Deputy?” He really hopes there’s not. He hopes they’ll leave soon, take Daisy with them, and let him go back to sleep. His skin is crawling with the need to sleep and regain energy, and the smell of so many humans _so close_ is _not_ helping.

“I don’t think so, Negan. Thanks for letting us look around,” Carol says. They’ll check other houses and let Rick’s kids know what’s going on. “And we’ll take Daisy off your hands if you want to part with her,” she says. 

“And thank you for the lemonade,” Sasha says, putting the glass on the table and going back to her horse. 

Glenn goes over to Carol and his horses to untie them. He thinks this was a pretty quick investigation and he has a weird feeling about the whole thing, but Carol and Sasha seem satisfied, so he’s not gonna push the issue. Negan gives him the creeps and he just wants to leave. 

“Not a problem at all,” Negan says, nodding towards the women. “You need anything else, you know where to find me.” He really hopes they won’t need anything else. He stands from his chair with some slight effort before moving to lean against the porch rail. Lucille watches him, ears flicking. “And yeah, if you wouldn’t mind taking Daisy, that’d be great. I’m sure Rick’s kids will be glad to have her home.”

“Will do,” Carol says, and looks to Sasha. “Get the other horse would you?” she asks, going to get her own horse and hold Sasha’s. 

The other woman nods and goes around the back to untie Daisy, talking to and petting her gently as she does so. “There you go, beautiful,” she says, and Daisy whinnies softly at her and nuzzles into her hand. 

Daisy’s relieved that someone gentle is taking her somewhere. Being tied up and not brushed or brought into a stable at night - despite it being warm and having water and grass to eat - was confusing to her and she was worried about Rick, who seemed forgetful and stressed. She looks in the direction of the mound of earth that’s just at the edge of the forest and snuffs. Rick’s over there. Isn’t he coming? She neighs softly and pauses.

Sasha stops when Daisy does and looks back into the yard where the cellar is. 

“Hey, girl, are you alright? There’s nothing over there,” she calms. She looks into the forest again regardless, worried for a minute Daisy might have sensed a mountain lion or a bear, but there’s nothing there. “Come on, Daisy,” she says, and tugs her along. 

Daisy whinnies again but follows, sure that Rick will appear at some point. 

Rick listens as Sasha comes to get Daisy. He hears the horse neigh and then Sasha wondering what she saw. He smiles slightly. At least Daisy knows that he’s here - or who knows, maybe she saw a squirrel. He shakes his head. He’s glad at least that she’s being taken back with them; he was worried about her here. Who knows what Negan could have done with her. 

A shiver runs up Rick’s spine at the thought of her being turned into dog food, or killed for no other reason that her presence here is damning evidence to Negan’s involvement in Rick’s murder or kidnapping if not explained somehow. Rick’s sure Negan’s figured that out or told them something they agreed upon. Or who knows, maybe he just hypnotized them into taking her back, no questions asked. 

Rick inhales, realizing suddenly that when they leave, he really will be all alone here. 

He looks into the darkness of the cellar and takes calming, steadying breaths. 

It’ll be fine. 

It _will_ be. 

He can’t give up hope that it will be.

...He knows that he wouldn’t last long if he did. 

...

Negan watches Sasha disappear and reappear with Daisy while the other two mount their own horses. Negan’s glad to be rid of the horse for the sake of keeping Rick happy. He was going to feed off her to extend the time before he needed to feed off Rick, but he also knew Rick would probably throw himself in front of his damn horse to save her anyway. 

Lucille whines, going to the porch steps to watch Daisy leave. She likes the horse and is sad to see her go. She watches as Sasha mounts her horse and ties Daisy’s leads to the back of her saddle.

Carol makes sure Glenn and Sasha are all ready to go before motioning they go first and then clicking at her own horse to make her go. 

“Take care now,” she says to Negan before taking the rear of her party. 

She’s not looking forward to telling Rick’s son what happened to his father, especially since it still seems so odd, but she’s glad at least that they don’t have evidence that he came to a bad end. She can only hope that a letter arrives from him soon so they can all stop worrying. 

Negan waves as the deputy and her volunteers head off, waiting until they’re out of sight before turning and resting his elbows down on the porch railing and hanging his head over the edge. If he needed to breathe, he’d be wheezing. 

“Holy hell, Lucy,” he says, holding his head. It hurts; a stabbing pain behind his eyes, and the light outside isn't helping. “That was a bit too tight. We can’t let that happen again.” Lucille whines and goes over to him, rubbing her snout against his leg.

He leans on her as he stands again, hands shaking where they grip the rail. “Get my hat, will you?” She does, and he puts it on. He pushes himself off the rail and walks slowly off the porch, Lucille there at his side. “Come on. Let’s go let Rick out, and then I’m going back to bed.” Lucille boofs in response. Negan looks again at the road, just making sure they’re really gone, before going to the cellar.

...

Rick sits in silence, tired from the stress of not knowing what was going to happen. Of being worried something terrible would. But he doesn’t hear yelling or barks or gunfire so… he hopes everything is okay. 

Minutes pass and he could swear he hears Carol’s voice, then several horses trotting softly away down the path. 

Rick swallows, when he hears - and _feels_ \- boots on grass. The steps are slow and heavy. Rick’s heart speeds up as he has the urge to go farther into the cellar. So that’s what he does - he gets up and _silently, so silently_ , he creeps to the back and sits down there. He doesn’t know what kind of mood Negan’s going to be in when he opens the door, but Rick wants to have some sort of warning before he faces it. He listens, his breathing heavy, as the footsteps stop.

Negan leans against the cellar door for a moment when he finally reaches it. He can’t let Rick know he’s this weak. He doesn’t know what he’ll do seeing Negan like this, and, for a brief moment, Negan feels fear. He’s _scared_ Rick will lash out in some way, and Negan is in no state or mood to fight.

He sniffs and rubs at his temples. Lucille nudges him. “I’m going, I’m going,” he says softly to her, righting himself and taking in a breath to puff himself up. He puts on an air of nonchalance, steeling himself.

Lifting the wood latch, he pulls the door open with a grunt, letting the light spill in. Looking into the darkness below he sees… nothing. He smells the air, though, and he can smell Rick through the musty earth. He has to be back, deep into the cellar where Negan can’t see without crouching down, and like hell if he's going to do that.

In the cellar, Rick stares at the opening. None of the light is touching him, but he can see Negan’s boots and Lucille’s feet.

“Rick? Come on out now. They’re all gone, unharmed, and believing you’re in Crimson Creek.” 

Rick drops his head down. He knew they negotiated this but it’s still… frustrating.

“They took Daisy back to your kids too.” Negan taps his fingers against the wood of the door. “Don’t make me send Lucille down there after you,” he quips, a small smirk on his face. Lucille barks happily.

Rick is _not_ going back up right now. He realizes he likes the cool and the isolation of being down here. And he’s still… wary of going up and facing Negan again. The vampire was supposedly asleep but who knows if he wants… _an afternoon snack_? 

Rick shivers. He knows Negan could get him out if he wanted. But for now he’s just… angry. And he’s not a dog. He won’t _come when called_. Not unless Negan really wants him to come up. 

He glares up at the shadows in the doorway and stays silent. 

When Negan doesn’t get a response back, he’s frankly too tired to even get frustrated at him. He sighs. “Fine, Rick. You can stay down there.” He gives a sharp whistle and tells Lucille to stay, leaving her at the open doorway. She looks up at Negan, concerned, but Negan just pats her head and makes his way back to the house. He wants to get out of the sun. He wants to go to bed. He wants to _feed_. Right now, he can only do two of those options.

Rick looks down when Negan leaves, glad at least that he didn't make him come out. Though there's a part of him that almost wanted Negan to… what? Stay? He sighs, listening to Negan leave, and then his shoulders drop and he feels tears at his eyes. He sniffs and wipes them away with a dirty hand, getting grime on his face in the process. 

In the house, Negan's about to go straight to bed. But as he passes through the living room, he notices the loaf of bread still sitting on the kitchen table. He frowns. He hadn’t noticed it when he was making Sasha’s lemonade, but seeing it now fills him with a sense of worry. Has Rick eaten anything today?

He sighs, wipes his face, and goes to the bedroom. He hangs his hat up and drops onto the mattress without even taking his boots off. He’s out in less than a minute.

Lucille, meanwhile, sits outside the cellar door, looking around at the trees surrounding her. It’s quite beautiful seeing the sunlight filter through the pine needles and leaves. She yawns, resting her head down on her paws. She hears a sniff come from the darkness of the cellar and she whines in response, looking down the steps. She can see Rick from her angle, curled into the back of the room. She tilts his head at him. Why won’t he come up?

Rick laughs softly through his tears at Lucille’s whine, but he still doesn’t want to move. What’s the point, anyway? He’s barely even hungry, even though all he’s had the whole day is an orange. And he hates this damn collar so _much_. Negan thinks he owns him, but he also seems to care that he has food, making bread for him all the time and asking him to make a list of thing he _wants to eat_. Rick scoffs. What would even happen if he just didn’t? 

He swallows thickly and rests his arm on his knee, then puts his head on his arm. It’s cool and quiet down here, and he doesn’t have to worry about Negan coming after him, or anything, really. Not right now. He sighs and watches Lucille at the entrance of the dugout. 

Lucille whines again and moves her ears flat against her head and then back up as she looks at Rick looking at her. She wiggles in her spot. Negan told her to stay there, so she doesn’t want to disobey him, but she does want to go down and be with Rick. She huffs, whining and snorting and inching her front half into the cellar, her front paws dangling off the first step. She looks at Rick and barks. _Come here!_

Rick watches Lucille in amusement, laughing when she wiggles. “What’re you doin’?” he asks with another laugh. 

She whines, her back feet moving up and down in place as her butt wiggles. Her tail wags back and forth strongly. She wants to go to Rick so much.

“C’mere if you want to so badly.” He motions with a flick of his fingers for her to come closer encouragingly. “ _Come on_.”

Lucille forgets about Negan’s command to stay. 

Bounding down the stairs, she boofs happily and pushes herself into Rick, knocking him over as she licks at his face.

“ _OOF!”_ Rick exclaims as he’s bowled over by the excited wolf. He laughs and pushes at her snout with his hand when she begins to lick at his face. “Hey, hey!” he says with a grin. “Get off me will you?” He shakes her slightly and rubs at her fur, and despite what he said, he grips her collar lightly in an attempt to keep her on top of him. He swallows thickly and watches her with confusion and awe, just happy to be holding something so warm and alive and content. And he's glad she’s here. Mostly. He knows she could bite his head off and would if Negan asked her to, but he thinks he’s safe for now. He smiles at her and gives her ear scritches, loving her pleased panting. 

Lucille chuffs in canine laughter as Rick scratches her and holds on to her. Her paws dance in place on either side of him as she headbutts under his chin. She loves the attention and loves his laughter. It’s different from Negan’s deep laugh that she’s used to, but it’s good. Rick is warm and she can see why Negan likes him.

She settles down half on top of him, laying her head on his chest and panting softly. Rick groans, but then he’s sighing contentedly. He likes her weight for some strange reason, and when she lays her head on his chest it's… comforting. 

He sniffs and holds onto her, scratching and petting her. She’s so warm and innocent. It’s easy to get lost in showing her affection, and it’s soothing, too. “Good girl,” he says with a sigh, closing his eyes. 

When he wakes from sleep, what he thinks is probably hours later going by the deeper shadows of the cellar, his empty stomach growls. 

He yawns and pets Lucille again, hugging her and blinking awake. He keeps falling asleep. Well, he supposes there’s nothing else to do. He rolls his eyes and sighs. 

Lucille blinks up at him as he stirs. She can feel the vibrations from his grumbling stomach and she noses at it, making him laugh. She knows he hasn’t eaten, and she hasn’t either. She’s hungry and knows there’s food in the house. 

_Eat_ , she huffs. She stands and shakes out her fur before taking the edge of Rick’s shirt in her front teeth and tugging lightly towards the stairs. _Food_.

Rick’s mood drops. “Hey, let go,” he says. “Just leave me here.” He smiles slightly, but he still really doesn’t want to move. He curls up slightly and watches her, feeling sleepy again. He knows he’s hungry but he can’t find it in himself to care all that much.

Lucille whines and lets go of his shirt, but she walks around and starts pushing on his back with her paws. She’s hungry. He’s hungry. He’s not laughing anymore. It’s going to get colder the longer they stay down here, and she wants him to just go back to the house. But she won’t leave without him. Won’t leave him alone in this dark, damp place. If he won’t go, neither will she. Negan will find them sooner or later anyway.

Rick groans and pulls away when Lucille’s claws dig into his back. “ _Lucille_ —” he says, annoyed, but he doesn’t move further away. And then his throat tightens when he thinks about how he’s stuck here. He just wants to _leave_. He wants to know how Carl’s doing and he wants to tell Judy he’s alright, that he hasn’t left them. But he _can’t_ and he just— 

Tears well up again and he sobs. He wraps his arm around himself and closes his eyes, letting his tears fall into the dirt. 

Lucille whines deep in her throat as Rick starts to cry, only that just makes him cry harder. She can feel the melancholy seeping from him like a dark goo, and she hates it. She likes it better when he laughs.

She moves back round to the front of him and licks at his salty cheeks, and Rick moans and flinches. She flops herself against him on the dirt, looking up at the sun filtering through the open door. Dust motes dance in the light. Crickets chirp in the grass above. Rick shudders. He needs Lucille. Even if she’s half of the reason he’s stuck here. He sniffles again as tears flow down his cheeks.

It’s silent - and then Lucille lets out a soft, mournful howl. It’s low and sad, and Rick shivers. Then he puts an arm around her and holds her close, appreciating her softness, warmth, and steady breathing. Lucille knows she’ll stay by Rick as long as he needs, so she settles down for another nap, listening to the man cry. He sighs and lets himself do just that, until he’s empty and worn out. And maybe he feels better. Just a little. 

Eventually, he sighs heavily and wipes his face, swallowing and sniffling, and then pushes himself up. The shadows have changed, and he knows the sun’s getting lower, but it’s still afternoon. His stomach aches sharply now and that’s enough to get him up. He pets Lucille and gives her a quick kiss - Lucille looks up, surprised. If she could blush, she would. - before pushing himself to his feet. 

He wobbles for a second and he holds onto the table for balance. Lucille stands as he does, ears pricked in excitement. Are they leaving?

“Alright, Lucy,” he says, still feeling depressed but not as angry anymore, “let’s go.” 

Lucille is ecstatic. She gives a bark and he smiles gently. She moves beside him, offering him her body to use as support, and he sighs and grabs her fur as they exit the cellar. Then he’s blinking into the sunlight. It’s a beautiful day, but he barely cares. He stretches and then goes over to the creek, watching Lucille pant and grin as she follows him with a smile. She’s happy now, yessir. 

He laughs softly and gets a drink from the cold water with his cupped hands after washing the dirt off of them. He splashes some on his face and gets it in his hair, cleaning off a little. He cleans the tears and grime off as best he can, and he feels better afterward. 

Lucille laps at the cool, clean creek water, keeping an eye on him. She watches him wash himself, and grins. Rick taking care of himself is a good sign.

She decides to help then and crashes into the creek, rolling in the water. It feels so good on her hot fur. 

Rick laughs as he's splashed with water, putting his hand up, and she bounces over to him and shakes her fur out again, spattering him with even more water.

“Hey, hey!” he laughs “ _Lucille_. C’mon.” He reaches out to rub her wet head. She’s silky-damp and gleaming in the sunlight. She pants and pushes her head into his hand, her tail wagging enthusiastically. She’s helping! She rubs against him, getting him even more wet as she walks around him from one side to the other. 

“Lucy!” he chastises. “ _Can you—_ ” He sighs good-naturedly but still looks down at himself in dismay. This is the second time this has happened. He really should learn.

She barks, looking up at him, asking if she did a good job. He laughs. “Look what you did,” he says, looking down at himself. “I’m all wet now and I don’t have any other clothes.” He grimaces. 

Lucille runs in place in glee. Even though Rick seems a little annoyed, he’s laughing again, and she loves it.

Rick needs to ask Negan for his clothes. He can’t expect him to wear the same thing - and underwear at that - forever. Rick sighs tightly and strips off his shirt. He knows he could probably take everything off because Negan’s going to be sleeping until the sun goes down, but he isn’t sure if he wants to do that here. Who knows who or what could be around. 

He scans the forest nervously. He wishes he had his gun. He hasn’t been without a gun for more than a few hours since he was a child. You can’t just not have one in this wild country. 

He sighs and gets up, shaking off before laying his shirt on the grass and sitting down, content to soak up the sun and get warm and dry for a few minutes. Lucille rolls on the ground next to him, laying with her paws up in the air and wiggling. She boofs at him, asking for a belly rub.

He chuckles and reaches over to rub her. “There, how’s that?” he asks, trying to make it good for her. 

She kicks her legs happily and leans closer to him, stretching out so he has more belly to rub. She pants in pleasure, loving the feel of his fingers on her. She loves the feel of anyone petting her, honestly, and Negan does a swell job of it, but Rick is different. He’s warm. It’s nice.

Rick grins and continues for a few minutes, making her pant with her eyes closed. 

But then his stomach rumbles again and he stops, reaching down to clean his hands off before grabbing his shirt and yawning. Lucille whines. “Come on, Lucille,” he says, before heading up to the house. He remembers Negan making some bread for him…

Lucille barks and runs past him, bolting up the porch steps and waiting by the door for him, practically vibrating.

Rick snorts. He goes up and gives her another pet before he takes a breath, listening for any movement. When he doesn’t hear any, he pushes the door open. It creaks when he does so, and the musty smell of the cabin hits his nose. It’s dark and cold inside - like a cave - and he shivers. He doesn’t want to go in when it’s like this, but he’s too hungry not to.

Lucille pads her way past Rick into the living room, and he wonders if he can open the curtains covering the window right beside the door. “Think he’d mind if I opened the curtains?” he asks absently, chuckling to himself and not really expecting a response from her. 

Lucille tilts her head at him and thinks.

As long as Negan doesn’t have to leave his room while the sun is up, it should be okay… right? The sun is low anyway, towards the back of the house, too. It wouldn’t be harsh light at all. Negan was pretty tired when he went back to bed too, so there’s no way he’ll wake just from their soft noises. 

She makes a quiet noise in her throat but snorts and swipes at her nose once with her paw. _Yes_. She goes over by Rick and takes a corner of the curtain in her mouth, tugging gently at it. She tries not to pull it down, just showing Rick that it’s okay to do so. Rick chuckles. 

“Okay, then,” he says, and then wonders how much she truly understands when he talks to her. Sometimes he thinks she understands more than he realizes or is natural. How _could_ she understand him? 

Lucille goes over to her empty food bowl and stares at it sadly.

Rick opens the curtains in both windows so more light spills in, and then, before he does anything else, he takes his wet shirt and drapes it over the railing outside. He shifts around in his wet pants and tries not to think about how uncomfortable it is. 

He goes back into the kitchen and sees Lucille by her bowl. “Lucille,” he says, going over. “You’re hungry just like I am, huh?" She whines, pawing at the bowl and looking up at him with big eyes. "What do you even eat here? I would have thought you’d just catch stuff in the forest or have a few bones to gnaw on. Does Negan feed you something?” 

Rick exhales tensely and turns away, looking around the small space. His eyes are drawn, then, to a piece of paper on the dining table. He doesn’t want to pry, but it’s not even folded and Rick’s sure Negan meant for him to see it. He takes it and reads in Negan’s neat, elegant but not overly so, handwriting - saying that there’s leftover stew is in the icebox and—

The _icebox_? Rick squints and looks over, and he spots a carved wooden box down against the wall adjacent to the stove. His mouth drops open as he goes over to it and crouches down. He didn’t realize Negan had this. _How_ does he have it? Way out here? And why? Lucille follows him. The ice box! That’s where her food is! She looks at him expectantly. When he opens the door he’s met by cold air. Well, goddamn. 

Lucille looks at her food _right there_ , neatly wrapped up, and nearly whines. 

Rick’s stomach rumbles when he sees butter and eggs, something in a metal container, something wrapped in paper and tied up, milk, and various leafy and colorful vegetables - all piled between and around large blocks of ice. He immediately grabs the milk bottle, unscrews the lid, and chugs half of it. He sighs as his stomach immediately stops protesting. He puts the milk back and wipes his mouth. 

Lucille looks at him despondently. She knows he’s hungry too, but…

Rick wonders how Negan gets that ice all the way up here when he doesn’t even have a horse to get into town. He’d have to replace it every few days at the least and Rick doesn’t think there’s a delivery service this far out. Well, that’s his prerogative, Rick thinks with a snort. Then he reads the rest of the note. It says that that the pantry is free for Rick to take from, would he make a list of foods he’d like, the back rooms are off limits and - Negan wishes him a good day. 

Rick hums. Yeah, look how well today turned out. He taps the paper with his finger. 

Lucille whines again. She pushes against him, hitting him with her tail, and noses at the wrapped meat, smelling it through the butcher paper. _This! Give me this!_ she chuffs.

Rick _oofs_ and then grabs her. “Lucille!” he says. “No! I don’t— what? You want that? I don’t know if I can give that to you.” He glances nervously to the back rooms and licks his lips. “Look. Do you have any other food?” It must be meat in the package. “A dog like you? Don’t you catch game or something?” He doesn’t expect an answer but he _is_ worried. 

He remembers Negan going to the butcher before, but he doesn’t know if he was dropping meat off or buying it or just talking with the butcher. 

Negan _did_ say he could take whatever was in the pantry, but he didn’t mention anything other than the stew in the icebox, and Rick doesn’t just want to assume…

Lucille looks at him and stamps her foot, a soft growl in her throat. That _is_ her food. She turns, pushing him again with her flank, and goes to her bowl, picking it up in her mouth. Rick lets go of her and watches her. She comes back and pushes it against the meat in the icebox, whining. She’d just grab it herself, but it’s got other stuff on top of it, and if she pulls it, she knows it’ll make a mess.

Plus, she just _wants Rick_ to get it for her.

“Okay, okay,” he says, huffing. “I’ll get it for you. But only because I don’t want you to bite my hand off. If Negan yells at me for this it’s your fault,” he grumbles. 

Lucille rolls her eyes, but sets her bowl down at his feet and boofs softly, eyeing the package with excitement. It’s not a full cut of meat like Negan sometimes gets for her, but it’s food nonetheless. She turns in her spot, mouth watering as she waits for Rick to put it in her bowl. Rick smiles softly at her as she jitters with excitement.

“Yeah, hold on, hold on,” he says. He carefully gets the meat out, grabbing the eggs on top to make sure they don’t fall and setting them down again once he’s extracted the wrapped package. He stands up and closes the door before unwrapping the meat. It looks like excess and scrap cuttings from a carcass, and doesn’t look at all appetizing to him. He sure hopes this is for Lucille, he thinks before he shakes the meat into her bowl. “There you go.” 

Lucille digs in as soon as the first piece of meat hits her bowl. She chews quickly and wetly, the meat melting in her mouth.

Mmm.

Meat.

It’s bloody and fatty and delicious.

Rick sighs, watching her, before he sees a metal bucket in the corner with what looks like garbage in it. He puts the paper in there and then looks around. He needs a knife. He goes to the cupboard by the window and checks the drawer. He finds a long one there and takes it out, going back to the table. He grabs the bread and slices it before going back into the icebox to get some butter. He slices and butters the whole loaf - it’ll just get stale if he doesn’t - and puts the knife and butter away before going back outside. He sits down on the edge of the porch with his back to the far post and one leg hanging off the edge and starts to eat. 

Lucille licks all of the remnants away, leaving an empty bowl covered in slobber. She looks up, licking her lips. Oh. Rick isn’t there? She sniffs and follows her nose to the porch.

Panting happily, Lucille goes over to him and sits down, laying her head on his leg. She’s got food in her belly and the sun is warm. Rick is warm. Lucille is content, though she wishes Negan was there too. She loves how he scratches behind her ears and under where her collar sits. She loves when he whispers to her and tells her how good she is. She looks up at Rick. She hopes he will come to love Negan just as she does.

Rick smiles at her, pleased. He chews and swallows the good bread before reaching over and petting her, scratching behind her ears. Lucille tilts her head into his hand and sighs. This is nice. “There ya go,” he says, and continues to work on the bread. He’s so hungry, he’s sure he’s going to eat all of this. He looks to the horizon. The sun is setting on the other side so the sky is a blue-pink. There are only a few clouds out and it’s a pretty sight. 

He wonders what it looks like from town, and sighs sadly.

Lucille watches the sun set as well, knowing as soon as it disappears, Negan will wake up. She’s excited. He wasn’t very happy earlier with their visitors, but hopefully sleep will have put him in better spirits.

Rick finishes the bread and spends a little while soaking up the sun and absently petting Lucille. His ears are pricked for any sign of Negan but he doesn’t hear anything. He shifts uncomfortably and lifts the collar up. It got a little wet when Lucille splashed him and is only just now drying. He swallows, trying to get some air onto his neck. The wet leather rubbed a little and made his skin slightly sore. He sighs tightly and feels the metal ring at the front with both hands. It’s strange that he can’t see the collar. He hasn’t seen any mirrors in Negan’s house yet and he didn’t think to look at himself in the reflection in the creek, though he realizes he probably wouldn’t be able to see himself clearly anyway because of the flowing water. 

He feels the metal between his fingers, feels it click, feels how sturdy it is. He moves the collar around so he can get to the lock again. He maps that with his fingers and tugs on it again. He growls softly and holds it up so it’s barely touching his skin. “Fucking asshole,” he mutters with another growl, and drops it back down into his collarbone. He pulls his knees up and holds them to his chest, putting his chin on top. Lucille has to lift her head when Rick brings his knees up. She huffs and curls her body around him instead, resting her head on his feet.

Rick shakes his head irritably and scratches at his hair, feeling dirty and damp again. He really just wants his clothes back, to be honest. He’s sick of wearing underwear and not having anything warm to put on. He huffs and glares at the path leading to town.

Lucille’s eyes close and she can feel herself drifting off. Yawning, she snuggles closer to Rick, her tail thumping lazily against the porch.

Rick sighs. He looks down at her and pets her head gently. He glances up at his shirt on the railing and manages to reach over and grab it without disturbing her. He shakes it out and sighs when he feels that it’s still damp. He’s not going to put on wet clothes. He hangs it up again and sighs. Then he glances up at the table and realizes that the sketchbook he was using is still there from the other night. Huh. He wonders if he can grab it from here. He glances to Lucille who looks to be sleeping. He doesn’t want to disturb her. 

Rick reaches over and drags the table over slightly before taking the top and tipping the whole thing. The sketchbook and pencil slide across the wood and he grabs first the pencil and then the book. He laughs triumphantly. Then he sets the table back down and sighs, flipping it open. He looks around for a minute before deciding to draw the porch. 

He makes long fast lines for the beams and cabin and short strokes for the chairs and table, as his drawing comes together. 

As he works, the air gets colder, and the sun dips slowly below the trees. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! So a quick thing - I commissioned [laundy](http://laundy.tumblr.com/) to draw some art for the previous chapter of the fic, specifically Rick and Lucille by the fire as if drawn by Negan~ It's absolutely gorgeous and her style is fantastic so if you want to see that then please go check it out [on her blog](http://laundy.tumblr.com/post/179431943729/commissioned-by-you-answer-to-me-for-a) ^3^


	8. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick is running out of time to keep Negan's thirst at bay, and Negan is determined to be charming enough to break down his defenses~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So [laundy](http://laundy.tumblr.com/) did some extra surprise art for the fic which you can check out [here](http://sweet-andy.tumblr.com/post/180123553700/surprise-art-by-laundy-for-mine-and) !! :D

As the sun sets below the horizon, Negan stirs. He can feel the earth cool. Feel the energy of the sun quieting. Feel his own energy resurging. He can tell that he's not at a hundred percent, but he's much better than earlier. 

He stretches as he sits up, his bones popping softly. He looks around, still not used to Lucille's absence. He misses her warmth.

Turning, he lets his feet touch down on the floor as he sniffs the air. Rick is nearby. Very near. 

Negan sighs. At least he's not still in the cellar.

He has to take a moment before standing. He's hungry, and Rick smells so tempting. _Shit_. It's a few days earlier than he had planned. If only he hadn't needed to use so much of his powers earlier. He growls and rubs at his face. Maybe he'll go into town and grab some pig's blood from the butcher. It would sate him for a little while… but not as much as human blood would.

He shakes his head and leaves his room, keeping his steps light to reduce the noise, and takes stock of his house. Rick had folded up his quilts and put them to the side of the fireplace. _Cute_. It looks like he'd taken the bread that Negan'd left on the table. _Good._ And… the shades on the windows are open. _Hmm_.

He follows his nose to the open front door, peering out and spotting Rick with Lucille wrapped around him. _Aww_. Negan stands in the doorway, looking down at the two. "Good evening," he drawls.

Rick jerks, his head turning like a spring. He hadn't even _heard_ Negan there. He swallows and exhales slowly, looking out into the forest. "Hi," he says, stretching his feet slightly and going back to his drawing. He sniffs, keeping his expression blank. 

Negan crouches down in front of him, and Rick tenses and stops drawing, holding the book to his chest. Being closer now, Negan can hear his heartbeat. He licks his bottom lip and reaches out to pet Lucille's head, trying to ignore the sound. Lucille makes a noise and leans into his hand. 

Rick watches him pet her. He wants to leave, but it doesn't even really matter how far he goes, now, does it? He can't leave the property, so what does it matter? He swallows thickly.

Negan studies him. He's shirtless, which is odd. Negan wonders when he'll ask for more clothes. "Did you eat today?" he asks softly, his voice still dripping with sleep.

Rick's lips twist, knowing why he's asking. "Yes," he says, and huffs softly. 

Negan flashes him a look. _Really?_ He's being polite and just checking in. There's no need for the attitude. He grunts softly, focusing on petting Lucille still. "Good. I was afraid I was going to find ya still in the cellar," he says, sighing. "Did Lucille eat?" 

"Afraid?" Rick asks, scoffing slightly and trying to ignore the warmth that blooms in his chest at the idea that Negan is afraid for him. "Thought I'd just stay down there?" He looks out into the yard. "Yeah, I gave her some meat that was wrapped up in the icebox. I assumed it was okay to give to her because she was begging for it… and I didn't wanna get snapped at for keeping it from her." He fidgets anxiously with his nails as he talks, looking down at his hand.

Negan nods. "Yes, that's her food. Thank you for givin' it to her." He runs his hand down to her shoulder. The thick dark fur covers his pale fingers. "She wouldn't bite ya. Maybe beg dramatically, but she wouldn't bite." He shakes his head and stops petting the wolf, sitting all the way down crossways on the porch. He looks at Rick. "And yes, I was afraid you'd just stay down there. I was expecting you to come running out when I opened the door, so when you didn't…" He shrugs and rubs at the back of his neck.

Rick listens without looking at him, processing his words. He swallows. 

"I really didn't want to put you down there, Rick. I'm sorry 'bout that. I panicked." He grimaces. "But, I didn't harm anyone, and I sent them away thinking you're in Crimson Creek, just like we agreed on. You just gotta write a letter to your kids, or the deputy, or both. Whatever you want to do." 

Negan taps his fingers against his knee. "Oh, and I had them take Daisy back home. Didn't want you to worry about her."

"Oh." Rick looks down, surprised for some reason, but also grateful. "Thanks. For doing all that," he says. "I appreciate it." He's glad Daisy went back. "I'll uh… I'll write a letter. Figure out what to say first and then…" He sighs, looking up, and then presses a knuckle between his eyes. He takes a breath and rubs his face, trying not to think about any of it deeply. It's a thrill thinking about communicating with his kids again, but lying to them… he shakes his head and sighs. 

Negan nods. He understands. 

He pauses for a moment, watching Lucille breathe, before looking back up at Rick. "I'm also sorry I had to force you into the cellar," he said, tilting his head. "I… really dislike using that power on people…"

Rick hisses and his eyes flash with fury. Oh, yeah. He's _real_ sorry about using hypnotism on him. Rick glares at the road in an attempt to keep his anger under control, but his lip's curled and his fists clench and unclench.

"…and I try not to, but… like I said. I panicked." Negan bites at his bottom lip and pets Lucille again. He's in a very sharing mood. He blames it on the fact that he's hungry and still kinda tired.

"Uh-huh," Rick says. He does understand why Negan did it - and he knew he was being stupid when he didn't willingly get into the cellar - but it still ticks him off. It's the whole _concept_ of it that he hates. He hates that Negan just _did that to him_ , and he hates that Negan thinks it's okay, and he hates what Negan just _is_. And what he is a _monster_ and Rick will always hate him for that, especially since there's absolutely no reason for Negan to keep him here. And he could probably let him go if he wanted. _Damn_ the cows. And if Negan wanted, he could just…

Just. Make him forget… 

Rick whirls on him. 

"Negan. Hypnotize me again," he says, frantic suddenly. "Make me forget everything. Make me think it was a dream. Something." He pushes up and stares at the other man, sparing only a thought for disturbing Lucille. This could be his way _home_.

Negan stares at Rick, surprised that he actually got closer to him by his own will - but now is begging him to wipe his mind. Oh, god, no. Rick does not want that. As much as he thinks he does, he doesn't. 

Negan's seen others try to erase memories before. It's nothing like suggesting a nap or making an object appear as something else. No, memory erasure, even turning memories into dreams, affects the mind itself. It's tricky, and Negan has never tried it. 

Negan doesn't _want_ to try it. 

He shakes his head as he reaches up slowly to place his fingers softly against Rick's cheek. "I can't, Rick," he says, gently.

Rick glares at him. " _Why not?"_ he growls, eyes fiery. He looks at Negan's hand on his face and licks his lips as his cheeks warm, but he doesn't move away. 

If Negan wants something in return… then Rick wouldn't… wouldn't deny him that, if it meant getting back to his kids. His gaze falters nervously but then intensifies as he searches Negan's eyes. 

Negan can feel the blood rush to Rick's face under his fingers. It's warm, and the human smells so good. Negan swallows, and shakes his head again. "Because, Rick, I… I'm not powerful enough," he admits. "Memory editing isn't as easy as making someone fall asleep. It rearranges your mind." 

Rick stares at him hard. He could just be lying because he doesn't want to do it, but that's some pretty damn good acting if he is.

Negan lets his hand trail up from Rick's cheek to his temple then, pushing back the hair there, and Rick grits his teeth. He wishes Negan wouldn't _fucking_ touch him. 

Negan keeps his hand on Rick's head as he continues, "I had to use a lot of energy to convince your friends today that you weren't here," he says, "and it drained me. But even at full power I still couldn't do it." He looks directly into Rick's eyes. "I _wouldn't_ do it. I've seen humans turned into zombies, their entire minds just wiped out by accident." 

Rick's eyes widen and he exhales hotly, suddenly sure that he never wants that to happen to him. Negan curls his knuckles and runs them back down Rick's cheek, and Rick's mouth twists. 

"I would _never_ wish that fate on you."

Rick pulls away after another minute. 

It's considerate, he supposes, that Negan cares about him like that, but he also knows, of course, that Negan just wants him for food. And he can't very well keep supplying the vampire with blood if he's a vegetable. He rolls his eyes. 

"I'm touched," he says with a snort at the double entendre.

Negan exhales tensely, annoyed, but then a moment later he's calm. Rick's actually talking to him in a semi-normal way, and he's glad of the progress. "Rick," he says, softly. "Don't you think that, if I could do it, I would have done it the first day you were here?"

Rick looks into the yard wearily. 

"The very minute you came back 'round to my porch after looking around? Why, on this godforsaken earth, would I choose to do all this," he gestures to all of Rick and at the road to town, "if I had to ability to wipe minds at my command?"

Rick grumbles and looks away.

Honestly, hasn't Negan told Rick that all he wants is peace and quiet? Sure, Negan's happy Rick is here. For the company. For the food. For the handsome face... 

No, Negan doesn't _need_ Rick... but he wants him, and he wants him to enjoy his time here as much as he can. He doesn't understand why Rick can't see that he cares about him. He does. He knows Rick is scared, but... he's letting him live, letting him write to his kids, feeding him... Negan sighs. Maybe talking with him some more will help. 

His eyes rove over Rick's bare torso. Maybe giving him some clothes might help as well.

"I don't know," Rick says after a moment, unconvinced. 

Negan takes in an unneeded breath and lets it out slow, rubbing his face. "Look," he says. "I know I probably could have handled this better, but I didn't, and now you're stuck with my bad decisions. I'm sorry." 

Rick sets his jaw, and then Negan reaches out to gently place his fingers on one of Rick's knees. Rick jerks, startled, and shivers at the touch. Is this… oh. Negan's… comforting him? Okay… 

"I know you won't get to see your kids anymore…"

Rick resists the urge to growl, or punch Negan in the face. His eyes quiver with anger and he grits his teeth as he stares at the road. Negan has no _idea_ how painful it is to hear that, or how absurd it sounds. But he holds his tongue.

"…and I know that's painful, but… you can write to them. I'll even include money with the letters. There's no problem there. I can and will provide you with anything you want here. Food, clothes, whatever." He shrugs.

Rick sighs and some of the anger dissipates. Sending them money, huh? Well that's… better than nothing. 

A cool breeze blows over the porch. Lucille shifts on the ground, having been disturbed slightly when Rick moved before and even more so by the wind. She yawns and stretches, looks at the two men, and then gets up and trots inside the house.

"Thank you," Rick says eventually, and looks into Negan's eyes. "Very much. Truly." He tries to sound genuine. And he is. It's just… difficult. "I just want them to be okay. That's all… all I care about." He sniffs and looks down again.

"I know, Rick. I know," Negan says, moving his hand from Rick's knee to his cheek again, just lightly touching him. "You're a good man, a good father…"

Rick's eyebrows knit softly. Negan's change in mood is confusing. 

"...and I'm just a monster." Negan mumbles the last part, dropping his hand and looking out into the dark beyond the porch.

Rick's eyes widen. He opens his mouth to… deny it? He's not sure. So he doesn't say anything. He doesn't know if he could say that yet. Another breeze blows through, and he shivers. The sun has truly set now and shadows are engulfing the yard. 

Negan glances over to him, knowing he must be cold. No shirt and just thin underwear. As much as he likes the view, he knows he needs to get Rick inside and warmed up. 

Negan stands and holds his hand out. Rick looks at him uncertainly. 

"Come on," Negan says. "Let's get you inside, get a fire going, and get you some clothes. Hmm?" He tilts his head.

Rick shivers, and, after a second, takes Negan's hand, letting the other man pull him up.

"Yeah, sounds good," he says, holding tight to his book and pencil. He glances to his undershirt still hanging on the railing and grabs it before going into the house, Negan following close behind. 

It's cold inside but not overly so - the warmth from the day is still clinging to the rough timber walls. Rick hangs his still slightly damp shirt on the back of a dining chair and goes over to the fireplace to start making a fire from the scraps in the wood box. Negan meanwhile grabs a match from the tinderbox on the fireplace mantle. He lights it and goes around the living room and kitchen lighting candles and lanterns. Once Rick gets the fire going, it'll be much brighter, but even the small flames cut into the darkness well. 

Negan goes to his bedroom then, leaving Rick to the fire. Rick glances sidelong at him as he goes. He's curious about the other rooms, as he's never been in them and is _forbidden_ to do so. He rolls his eyes.

In the bedroom, Negan finds Lucille on the bed, buried beneath the blankets. He smiles and pats the blanket lump, earning a soft growl in response. He chuckles and turns to his wardrobe, starting to go through it. 

After a minute, he has a small pile. Rick's original clothes plus an extra shirt, undershirt, underwear, pants, and socks. Negan's clothes will probably be too big on Rick, but not by too much. He grabs the pile and goes back out. 

Rick's got the fire going by then, and he's stoking the crackling and popping logs with the poker and soaking up the warmth. The light from the candles, lanterns, and fire cast a soft, pleasantly warm glow on the interior of the small cabin. 

He keeps his eyes on the fire when Negan comes back out holding what looks to be a pile of clothes. 

Negan goes over to the couch and sets the clothes down, sitting on the other side. "Here you go."

"Thank you," Rick says with relief, spotting his clothes under Negan's.

"If you tell me your measurements I can pick up more clothes for you in town," Negan says.

"That's very kind of you… though I couldn't let you do that. This is enough." 

"You sure? It's only two sets of outfits," Negan says. He knows the folks around here aren't used to some of the luxuries that he is, nor had they had the time to stockpile such things, but surely Rick wants more than the clothes he came here in. Maybe he's just being polite.

Rick looks up at Negan oddly. Why is he so intent on him having more clothes? At home, he has one set of everyday clothes and a suit for church on Sundays and that's enough. Clothes are _expensive_. He figures he'll have to wash his own soon though. He wonders if Negan has a wash bucket somewhere. He must, unless he takes his clothes into town to be cleaned by someone. Rick doesn't look forward to the chore but he doesn't want to keep wearing the same filthy clothes for longer than a week. Olivia usually does the family's laundry on Sunday but that's not happening anymore for him, anyway. He sighs but tugs his shirt out of the pile and slips it over his head. 

One thing he wishes he did have is his nightshirt, or some long johns. He certainly isn't going to sleep in his pants, and it would be nice to sleep in something clean. However… he takes his stiff pants and pulls them on anyway, just so he doesn't feel quite so vulnerable. 

Negan can feel much of Rick's tension leave him almost immediately when he's clothed. "I'll get you something to store them in soon as well," he says. "For now, just keep what you're not wearing wherever you think is good." He knows that his whole plan isn't well thought out.

Rick smiles slightly. "Thanks. I'll find somewhere." He looks through the pile and takes stock of the larger clothes curiously before starting to fold them.

Negan smiles at all the thanks he gets and watches Rick as he folds the clothes. He doesn't know why, but he enjoys the scene greatly. Just watching Rick do such a domestic task… it's nice. 

"Money's not an issue, by the way… if that's what you're worried about," he says, crossing an ankle over his knee and bouncing his foot. Rick looks up at him, wondering where this is going. "Honestly, I used to buy stuff just to keep up appearances, but now everything I buy will be for you." He thinks for a moment. "And Lucille." He smiles.

"I don't uh…" Rick starts, a little confused. "Why do you care? …I wouldn't be… adverse to new clothes." He knows the ones he has are alright, but they're worn and have holes. And when he thinks about it, Carl and Judy need new clothes more than he does, and Judy's growing so fast, too. "I uh. If anyone should be getting new clothes, it's my kids," he says. "I can't put myself before them." He shakes his head. He folds the clothes and stacks them on the arm of the sofa, balancing them carefully. "Judy's growing like a weed," he says with a sad little laugh, his hands shaking slightly. "She just started running all over the house a month ago." He pauses as he remembers. Her in her little dress with her golden curls bouncing all over the place. He smiles. 

Negan smiles listening to Rick talk about his kid. It breaks his heart that he has to keep Rick from her, it really does. 

"…She sounds like a peach," he says softly. "I'll provide them with enough to buy new clothes, Rick. You can write in a letter and explain that during your travels you helped… or… are help _ing_ a wealthy stranger who's paying you handsomely—"

Rick makes a choked noise. He knows what _that_ sounds like. But what does it matter anyway? It would explain what was going on. 

"—and you're sending it home piece by piece." Negan nods. "It's not a lie, per se."

Rick sighs. 

"Yeah. Thank you. I'll… think about what to tell them," he says, and Negan nods. Rick's gotten to the end of the clothes, which are now neatly folded. He looks around and ends up taking the pile and pushing it under the couch. That's out of the way, right?

He sighs and goes back to the fire to stoke it out of boredom. And he realizes that Negan never answered his first question. He wonders if he even still wants to know. 

The shadows from the flames dance over Rick's face then, and Negan has the urge to paint him. There's something about the man that makes him want to capture his image forever. 

Negan blinks when he realizes he's been staring at Rick for a solid minute, and he turns his head away. He can still smell Rick, his senses heightened slightly from hunger. The human's blood is so close and yet so far. 

But Negan doesn't know if Rick will let him feed from him yet. He doesn't want to force him, not after the progress they've just made, but he won't be able to last but another night. Maybe he should go catch a couple rabbits… 

"Rick, are you hungry? Have you eaten recently? Have you drank anything?" he asks. If he _can_ convince Rick to give some blood, he doesn't want the human passing out on him.

Rick looks over at him, and pauses. Negan's eyes seem darker, almost black, and Rick wonders if that's just because of the low light, or because of something… else… and then his eyes widen for a fraction of a second and he inhales softly. He swallows. Rick's sure he knows why Negan's asking him if he's eaten, but he wishes he wasn't. 

"Uh… yeah, I… haven't had much, really. Just an orange and that bread you made." He licks his lips nervously. He _is_ hungry, even if he's trying to convince himself he's not. "I probably need to eat something else before I… turn in." He swallows again and glances into the kitchen area and back. He really did eat late today, after waking up late and napping and then the whole thing with Carol and the others. The stress and pain of the encounter stole his appetite, but now he knows that he needs to eat something or he won't be able to get to sleep. 

He almost wishes he could last longer, because if Negan's questions are any indication, he needs Rick fed if _he_ wants to feed. Or something. Rick doesn't know how it works. 

Negan nods at Rick's words and stands up. He feels off balance for a second, but it quickly fades. "You really need to eat more, Rick. Please, don't starve yourself," he says as he goes to the kitchen and looks in the pantry. 

Rick sighs. Yeah, he'd want him to eat more, wouldn't he?

"Anything in the pantry or the icebox is for you, except for Lucille's meat of course." Negan taps his chin as he looks at his ingredients. Should he make something for Rick? There's still the stew in the icebox. That would be easy to heat up. "Don't forget to make me that list of food you like, or else I'll just keep buying whatever I think is good. And Rick—" He looks out from behind the pantry and grins. "I haven't eaten this stuff in a couple decades so trusting my instincts would be your gamble."

Rick turns to the fire to hide his disgust and rolls his eyes. He doesn't _care_ what he eats. He runs a hand through his hair helplessly. "Uh-huh," he says. "Thanks. I'll do that." He sighs and shifts, looking over at Negan again. He glances at the storage cupboard. He doesn't think he's even looked in there yet. 

Negan frowns slightly when Rick doesn't react to his joke. He steps out from behind the pantry and crosses his arms softly over his chest. "Rick, are you listening to me? I'm trying to lighten up the mood here." He tilts his head, furrowing his eyebrows, not in anger but in concern. 

"Yes, I'm listening to you," Rick says tiredly. 

"Like I told you before, I want you to be content here. Not happy, god forbid you ever crack a smile," he says, rolling his eyes, "but just content. Let me care for you, Rick. Let me make you food and buy you clothes. Let me offer you what I have in exchange…" _for what you have. For what I need._

Negan taps his fingers against his arms, looking at Rick, his dark eyes pleading silently.

 _In exchange_. Rick clenches his jaw. 

"Yes, okay, I'm not saying you can't do any of those things," he says, a pleading note soaking his own voice. What does Negan _want_ from him? He can barely take this. He can't _force_ himself to be content, and Negan _interrogating him_ like this all the time isn't helping. He doesn't know why Negan thinks it is. 

Rick takes a breath. "What you have is fine," he says. "I'm sure I'll survive on whatever you've got in your cupboard," he says, trying to placate the man. Or at least make him leave him alone. 

Negan rubs at his temple and sighs. Fine. _Fine_. "Fine." He drops his hands and looks at him. 

"Look, Rick, I'm not gonna lie to you. The visit from your friends earlier really drained me. Much more than I was comfortable with, and so much so, it's thrown my feeding schedule off." Negan throws his hands in the air in exasperation. "I wasn't supposed to be this hungry for a few days. Days that I was hoping you would get to settle in here, eat, rest, and maybe learn to tolerate me, but if I don't feed tonight or tomorrow…" Negan shakes his head, running his hand through his hair. "It's not going to be pretty." He looks up at Rick. "But I'm asking you, Rick. Will you allow me to drink from you tonight? Tomorrow?"

Rick shivers at Negan's words, and looks at him in horror. _What?_ Negan's _asking_ him? And why in hell should he say yes?

A sharp question is on his tongue, before he remembers why he isn't fighting harder to get away from this man. The damn livestock. _The people of the town_. Negan said he wasn't going to kill anyone in the town or feed off anyone. But who knows if he'll always be so careful. He could get so hungry that he doesn't know what he's doing. This is keeping them safe. This is keeping his _kids_ safe. 

Rick groans, and then fear courses through him and makes him feel sick. 

"I… I guess I don't have a choice, really, now do I?" He laughs, but he feels cold and dizzy. He thinks back to what feels like weeks ago when Negan told how much he needed. _A cup a month_ , he'd said, not even. Well, that doesn't sound too bad. And he said it even feels pleasant. _Yeah, right_. Rick snorts softly. 

Negan shakes his head. "I'm giving you the choice tonight, Rick. I can go catch some rabbits tonight, be okay for a week at most." He gestures out to where the forest is. "But… no, I can't survive forever on small game. I need _you_ , Rick." 

Negan crosses his arms over his chest again, squeezing his own biceps. He feels so weak right now. Hungry and tired and weary of fighting with this human. He doesn't know what to do to make Rick okay with the situation. He doesn't know how much space to give him or not give him. He doesn't know when to push or not push. He just wants the man to be as comfortable as possible.

Rick growls in frustration. Why won't Negan just feed from him and be done with it? He rubs his head. 

"Can I just… have something to eat first?" he asks. He feels like shit and can barely think because he's hungry. He's sure Negan feels the same way but, well, if he really wants to go get some rabbits then he's free to do so. Rick isn't going to _insist_ that he be some monster's dinner. 

Negan drops his hands and nods. "Of course," he says, quietly. "There's still stew in the icebox if you want to heat that up." He rubs at his temple again. 

"Thank you," Rick says with a grateful sigh.

"I would cook for you, but… I just can't right now." Negan looks to Rick, unsure if he'd actually said yes or no to being fed on. It's very unclear. Hopefully after he got some food in him he'd have a more solid answer. "Please, help yourself. I'm going to sit on the porch," he says before doing just that. He closes the door behind him as he steps out and goes to sit in his rocking chair. He puts his elbow on the armrest and his head in his hand. 

What has he gotten himself into?

Rick sighs when Negan's out the door. He gives himself a minute to calm down before he gets up and starts heating the stew up on the stove. He shoves some firewood into the belly of the thing, lights it, and relaxes as the heat radiates out and it starts to burn nice and hot. Fifteen minutes later he's got hot pork and beans in a pot on the stovetop. He mixes it until he's sure it's nice and evenly warmed before he pours the contents into a metal bowl he finds on a shelf.

He's just about to sit at the dining table when he remembers Negan's damned rules. He grumbles and goes to sit in front of the fire again. He's really getting sore from all this sitting and sleeping on the floor shit, to be honest. What he wouldn't give to have even an hour on the couch…

In any event, he stokes the fire before settling down and digging in. He finishes the meal in no time, and feels perfectly full and happy when he's finished. He could fall asleep like this anywhere, he thinks, forgetting his earlier need for comfort. 

But, he forces himself to get up and clean up as much as possible - he'll need to get some more water from the creek tomorrow for sure - before standing in the middle of the room and staring at the door. He really, _really_ doesn't want to go out there. 

He glances behind him. Negan's bedroom door is still open. It's dark, but light spills in from the main room and he can see Negan's bed, and he knows Lucille is in there too. Rick swallows. He doesn't know what to do. He _wants_ to give Negan what he needs, and what will protect the people of the town and his kids from the threat of the vampire's appetite… but it's like his limbs are suddenly made of lead - He knows what needs to happen but his entire being is protesting the very _thought_ of it. 

He swallows thickly. It's already getting colder. The fire is burning down low. The stove is still hot though, and he can feel the heat from it from where he is. 

Sick with indecision, he goes to sit against the wall by the stove. The logs are rough against his back but the heat is a comfort, and he runs a hand through his hair and fidgets with his hands nervously as he tries to figure out what to do. He knows he's quickly running out of time to make a decision. 

...

Negan rocks in his chair as he listens to Rick prepare his dinner. The sound of the logs catching flame in the stove makes him suddenly wonder about how much firewood is left inside. It certainly can't be that much. He barely had any in there to begin with, and Rick's using it all over the place. 

He supposes it _is_ a necessity for him. The human needs heat to survive. Negan scratches at his chin for a moment, listening to the sound of Rick placing a pot on the stove, before he stands and heads out back. 

He gathers up what firewood he's already cut and makes a pile outside the barn. He's got a few larger logs he hasn't split yet, so he does that. Quick axe swings and supernatural strength, even when hungry, make for clean, perfect cuts. It's a distraction, he knows, but it's taking his mind off his hunger for the time being. He brings the axe down again. 

When he's done, he's got enough wood to last at least another month or so. He gathers up a stack in his arms and walks through the barn to set it on the porch, going back to get more. 

He spots the poncho he'd given Rick before, sitting in the hay of the stall. He crouches down and picks it up, rubbing the fabric between his thumb and fingers. It'd been given to him by a friend he'd made while moving west. He smiles at the memory. 

He stands and shakes the poncho out, folding it over his arm as he gathers more wood.

Once he's got all the firewood on the porch, he sits down again and listens. He can't hear any movement. He can hear Rick's heart, though. It beats with nervousness. He hums, wondering again if Rick would be willing to give blood tonight. 

He waits for a little while longer to be sure that Rick isn't moving anytime soon, before standing, gathering some wood in his arms, and going back inside. The fire is low, which he finds odd. He can sense that Rick is over by the stove, probably trying to soak up the heat from it. Why doesn't he just stoke the fireplace? 

Negan takes only a quick glance at Rick before he brings the firewood in, seeing him there with his knees up and hands on the floor. 

Rick stares at him, ready to scramble away if he wanted to grab him. But he realizes a second later that Negan has firewood in his arms. Rick relaxes slightly, but he still stares at him distrustfully.

It takes a couple trips for Negan to bring it all in, stacking it next to the fireplace with precision. It's a perfectly fitted stack once he's done. He plucks a log from the top and throws it on to the dying fire, stoking it back to life.

Rick watches him tensely, running a hand through his hair as he wonders what Negan'll do. Rick never gave him his answer. Is Negan going to ask him what he wants again? Rick has no idea how to answer if he does. He wishes Negan would just make the decision for him. 

Negan pokes at the logs until they catch the flames and glow brightly. The sparks crackle and pop. He feels the heat on his skin, but it doesn't sink in. Not the way it would if he had his arms around a living being. He places the poker down and turns to glance at Rick. The human looks nervous and tense. That's understandable, but Negan really doesn't know how to make it easier on him. Maybe he should just take the initiative and bite Rick; show him that it's really okay. But that could possibly also scare him half to death, and Negan doesn't want that.

Rick watches Negan tensely as he sits on the couch. Negan pats the spot next to him.

"Will you come sit by me, Rick? Please?"

Rick looks at him warily. He still doesn't trust him. But he's asking so nicely, it almost makes Rick less afraid of him. 

He glances to the fire and back. He knows Negan just made it to make him want to go over. To make him want to stay. 

But he isn't sure he can make himself go over just like that. 

He looks into Negan's eyes. 

_I don't really trust you, and I'm afraid. What are you going to do?_ he tries to convey, unable to speak the words aloud. 

Negan cocks his head. He can smell the fear rolling off the human. He sighs. "Rick, please? I just want to talk, and you need to stay warm," he says, biting on his bottom lip. "Or… tell me to go, and I will." He waits.

Rick exhales and drops his gaze. He just wants to talk. And he wants him to stay warm. Rick laughs softly, but decides that that's alright. 

Negan smiles at the little laugh he gets. He's not sure what was funny, but he likes the reaction.

Rick sighs and wipes a hand over his face before getting up. Negan perks up when he stands, but doesn't move, letting him take his time. Rick goes over slowly, and stops when there's still a fair bit of space between them. He's close enough to the fire to feel a bit of its warmth. He crosses his arms nervously and shifts. He's not trying to be difficult. He's not even all that opposed to Negan doing _whatever_ , but getting his body to get close to the man willingly is a struggle. 

Negan tilts his head. _What?_

Rick's curved in slightly, head ducked, and his expression is receptive, if a little nervous still. 

"Alright," he says softly, dropping his eyes for a moment. 

Negan gives him a small smile and slowly reaches his hand out, offering it to Rick to take.

Rick straightens and inhales nervously. He looks into Negan's eyes, back to his hand, then back up into his face, trying to figure out what his intentions are. 

Negan curses at himself when Rick seems to get more jumpy. Maybe he shouldn't have reached out. Should have just let Rick come to him in his own time. But he doesn't drop his hand, he's already got it out anyway. He keeps his small smile on his face. "Rick," he says softly. "Please, sit. C'mon."

Rick sighs tightly but sighs and takes it, watching Negan suspiciously all the while, and ready to be yanked somewhere as soon as they touch. 

Negan smiles as Rick finally takes his hand. He curls his fingers into Rick's palm softly and covers his fingers with his thumb. Rick flushes hotly even though the man - _vampire_ 's - hand is cold to the touch. Negan tugs him lightly, pulling him gently to the empty spot on the couch, and Rick swallows thickly and bites his lip, letting himself be pulled over and sat down. 

He's glad of the crackling flames in the fireplace, when a chill sweeps up his spine and his hair rises on end. He shivers and wraps his other arm around himself. He's tense still: he's never gone against Negan telling him to stay off the furniture - even though it was a dumb as fuck rule - but being on it now is strange and he half expects Negan to bark at him to get off.

"That wasn't so hard, now was it?" Negan says, playfully. 

"Uh..." Rick tries - well it was sure difficult to _him_.

Negan doesn't let go of Rick's hand, softly running his thumb over his knuckles and holding it on his knee. Rick shivers again - and then his eyes widen when he realizes what's probably about to happen. He tries to pull his hand away gently, not really intent on getting away or anything but just out of nervousness.

Negan feels Rick try to pull his hand away, but it's not with any great force. So he softly places his opposite hand over Rick's and keeps it in place, sandwiching it between his. Rick's heartbeat speeds up at the motion and Negan strokes his thumb across the top of his wrist, making him shiver. 

"Rick, it's okay," he says, glancing at their hands before looking up at Rick. 

Rick winces. _Sure_ it's okay— for _Negan_.

Negan knows his eyes are probably dark by now, the hunger draining the color from them, so he tries to keep his expression soft so as not to spook Rick anymore than he already is. Rick notices then too just how dark Negan's eyes are, and it startles him. This close, there's no mistaking that they aren't just dark brown - _they're black._

"It's okay," Negan repeats calmly. "Did you eat?"

Rick swallows. "Yeah, I ate," he says, looking away with a sense of finality, like admitting it is giving Negan permission to continue. 

Negan nods. "Good… good," he says, looking down at their hands. He's not sure what to say. Not sure what will ease the human. Not sure what Rick wants to hear. He lifts Rick's hand up and studies his fingers, massaging the digits as he goes. Rick can't help but turn his attention back to what Negan's doing with his hand. Can't help but be curious and desperately entranced. 

Negan shifts a little closer, pressing their thighs together. Rick inhales. He licks his lips and swallows, feeling himself relax as Negan plays with his hand and massages it. He can't help but admit that it feels good. 

Rick knows that… he's just craving human - or as close as he can get to human - contact after three days of seeing basically nobody but Negan. He's been tired and stressed the whole time and this is… nice. 

Negan continues to knead Rick's fingers, moving to his palm when he's done with all five, and listening to Rick's breath even out as he relaxes. Listening to his heartbeat slow. Negan smiles, pleased. He can feel the pulse in Rick's wrist as his fingers skim down and over the thin skin. He shivers and moves his hands back up to sandwich Rick's again. Rick shivers. It's a strange feeling, but not an altogether unpleasant one with Negan being so gentle. 

Negan looks at Rick again, wanting to ask if he's okay. Wanting to ask what exactly he's feeling. Wanting to ask if it's okay to feed from him.

But he says nothing, afraid his words would ruin the calm moment between them.

Rick glances over and away quickly when Negan looks at him - uncomfortable at the attention - and shifts over slightly so their legs aren't touching anymore. He's tense again, even though it's tiring to be like that all the time. 

He doesn't know why Negan keeps looking at him as if to see how he's doing - to ask him things and to try to get friendly. It seems hypocritical to him, and more confusing than anything. He's exhausted and he hates having to pretend to be alright when he's really really not and he just wants this to be over. He wants Negan to take what he needs and then let him sleep so he can forget all of this happened for a few hours. 

He exhales tensely and shifts his hand on his lap. 

Negan wants to growl. Nothing he does can keep this man relaxed. Talk. Don't talk. Touch. Don't touch. He's trying to make this easy, but Rick is making it hard to do so. 

He tightens his grip slightly on Rick's hand before he lifts it up and rubs the back of it against his scruffed cheek. Rick reddens, and then Negan turns his head and kisses Rick's knuckles. 

"Rick," he says, moving Rick's hand so he can kiss his palm, and Rick exhales in shock and bewilderment - captivated - as Negan places kisses _all over_ his hand, almost reverently. "It's okay." He looks at him, kisses his wrist, and presses Rick's palm against his other cheek. "Rick… please trust me."

Rick exhales sadly, desperately. He looks down. He can't just _trust him_ after knowing him for three days - after he kidnapped him and trussed him up like an animal. But he's sitting here, isn't he? He's letting Negan do this, isn't he? Isn't that _enough?_

"I am trusting you," he says through slightly gritted teeth, looking away. 

Negan hums, practically purring, as he presses his cheek into Rick's hand. He closes his eyes, reveling. The warmth from him feels fantastic. The blood pumping through him, so enticing. His mouth waters. 

Negan kisses Rick's palm again, and then his wrist, and then just a little lower on his forearm. As he presses his lips to Rick's skin, he can feel his pulse throbbing against his lips. He inhales, smelling the wood burning next to them, the linger of the stew in the air, and _Rick_. 

It doesn't take much to get Rick back to watching Negan with heavy eyes, soaking in the touch so intimate that he can scarcely recall a similar time even with Lori. But then she had been a playful, dutiful wife, and he had taken the reins in many of their sexual encounters. Is that what this is? Sexual? Rick licks his lips, and realizes with a certain embarrassment that he's getting aroused. He swallows heavily and opens his mouth to say something, though all that comes out is a high-pitched whimper. 

But then Negan's kissing his forearm and he swallows anything he could possibly say. He shifts slightly, wanting to get close to the vampire again, if only because he knows what's coming and wants some kind of comfort before it happens.

"Thank you," Negan breathes out against Rick's arm. He flashes his eyes to Rick's before opening his mouth and, before Rick knows it, there's a flash of sharp gleaming teeth and then a sharp pain on his wrist. 

Rick yelps in surprise but holds still, though he desperately wants to do the opposite. Negan's teeth are sunk into him and it _hurts_ , like a dozen tiny needles, but there's also the sensation of Negan's cool, wet mouth on his skin. It's strange, and fear makes Rick's heart pound hard in his chest as he grips the armrest of the couch, his whole body frozen. 

Negan shudders as the first drop of Rick's blood hits his tongue. He closes his eyes as he drinks, swallowing down the dark, life-giving liquid oozing from the crescent moon shape he's bitten into Rick's arm with his front teeth. He groans in pleasure. It's _so good_. It's tangy, and rich, with an underlying sour iron taste to it that he wishes wasn't there, but he's not going to be picky about. Frankly, he'd take the twinge of the sour over cow's blood any day. 

He opens his eyes, half-lidded, and watches Rick's face as he drinks from him.

Rick shudders at the slimy suction and the rough swipe of Negan's tongue on his skin gently as he sucks. Rick watches with a vague sense of horror, that he thinks should probably be stronger, as Negan, latched onto his arm, rubs his arm gently and his eyelids flicker with satisfaction. 

Soon, the area Negan has under his teeth feels oddly numb, and there's a prickly, tingling, warm sensation that sweeps over Rick's body. Rick blinks dazedly, his arm feeling weird but the rest of his body cooler. He wonders with a spike of anxiety how much Negan's taking, and if he'll stick to his promise of keeping him alive. 

Rick relaxes down slightly, feeling shaky and weak but also oddly pleasant. He closes his eyes blissfully, trying to let whatever's happening to him calm him down. 

Negan drinks until he's just satisfied. He could drink more without hurting Rick, he knows, but he wants to ease him into it. 

Though, it is hard to pull away. Not having human blood for years has created a craving in him that he didn't know about. Living on animal blood has been fine but… not satisfactory. Not like this. 

Negan closes his eyes again, glad that Rick's relaxed into the bite. He knows that's partially because of the endorphins from his own saliva, but he also hopes Rick is realizing that it's not all that bad. It's not like he's ripping into him like some vampires would. 

As Negan drinks, Rick can feel himself start to get light-headed. He focuses on taking deep breaths and watching the fire dazedly to distract himself. It's a strange, uncomfortable, but pleasant sensation having another man's mouth sucking on his arm, with the scrape of his whiskers and the lapping of his tongue. Rick thought he would be more disgusted and horrified but mostly he's confused and tired.

Negan gets one last final gulp in before he pulls back, pushing Rick's arm away from him slightly. Rick sighs in relief and Negan licks his lips, swallowing any blood still in his mouth. _God, that's good._ He leans forward and licks over the wound on Rick's arm, blowing cool air on it to soothe and help it heal. Rick tenses and makes a small noise, unsure what he's doing. It feels good though, the cool air on his warm skin. 

It's then that Rick processes what he's looking at. His arm has large, red teeth marks in it. He swallows thickly and glances to Negan, whose mouth and beard are slightly red. Rick squeezes his eyes shut and groans, shuddering slightly. He feels weak and dizzy, and is concerned about having an open wound like this. Mostly he just wants to sleep. 

Negan licks Rick's arm once more, making sure the bite is coated nicely. It's already stopped bleeding but would take the rest of the night to heal completely. 

Rick cringes, though he is fascinated that Negan's saliva is acting as a kind of congealant, and his arm isn't even bleeding. Negan quickly wipes off his mouth and chin with his shirt sleeve before looking at Rick and kissing the bite mark. Rick goes just a little more red at the kiss, surprised again by Negan's gentleness. 

"Thank you," the vampire says, voice a little stronger than it was before. He feels warm and sated, belly heavy with nourishment. He knows soon he'll feel his energy return to him, but now he almost wants to nap. 

"You're—you're welcome," Rick says dazedly, and Negan releases him. Rick cradles his arm and looks down at it. It's slightly sore but doesn't _hurt_ per se, though the bite mark is a little disturbing. The red marks look deep but the blood is already starting to thicken. 

"D-do you have a bandage or some cloth or something?" he asks, but then Negan's closer to him and putting a hand on his face. The vampire smiles softly, his bright red eyes shining in the light.

Rick blinks, startled, and stares at him - focusing on his eyes. They're as red as the blood he's just taken from Rick's arm. The vampire laughs softly. His eyes have fallen half closed again, this time in a sleepy, almost drunk way. "You don't need a bandage; it'll heal on its own," he says, tracing Rick's cheek with his thumb. Rick's face warms and he swallows thickly. "But I can get you one if you want."

"Uhh…" Rick says, his brain feeling fuzzy like cotton. "Okay. Um." He looks into Negan's deep red eyes and swallows. "Is—is that normal?" he asks nervously. 

Negan's smile doesn't fade as he tilts his head, laughing softly again. "Is what normal?" 

"Your eyes. They're red. Is that—that—that, my—" Rick licks his lips and looks down, taking a breath. "The blood," he forces himself to say. 

He looks at his arm again and runs his fingers over the bite. It's already smooth and dry, and the surrounding tissue red. He wonders suddenly if there'll be a scar. If he'll have a permanent reminder of what happened… He stares at the bite unseeingly, and the horrifying images of this happening on him again, and again, and _again_ , spin through his mind like the fast-moving pictures in a zoetrope. 

Negan nods as Rick finishes his words, but he notices that he's spacing out and he can hear his heart speed a little faster. Negan moves his hand down to cover the bite mark and Rick's hand. Rick makes a small noise. He swallows and stares at Negan's large, pale hand on his, with scars Rick doesn't want to know the history behind. 

Negan leans over to look at him and Rick looks into his ruby red eyes in return. It's so easy to see him as a vampire now, when he looks like this, and feels every bit the predator. 

"Yes, that's what it is," Negan says. "It's because I've just fed. They'll fade within a few days." He runs his thumb over the bite, and Rick shivers. "Just as this will."

"I don't think this'll... fade completely," Rick says, looking at the bite. Glaring at it. And then he's upset and embarrassed, and he pulls his arm away from Negan and crosses it with his other arm, hiding it. He's gone slightly red as he looks at the floor. He doesn't want Negan to see or touch the mark. Just because he _bit him_ doesn't mean he can do what he wants with Rick's body. 

And how is he gonna explain himself if he ever gets back? Human _teeth marks_ on his forearm - and _who knows where else_ later. He'll have to wear long shirts for the rest of his life. He doesn't want to _think_ about what would happen if anybody saw it. They'd probably think he was some kind of crazy… And his _kids_. He can't bear to think about _their_ reaction. 

Rick exhales slowly and shivers. He can feel a headache coming on. 

"It will. Trust me," Negan says, and he can tell that Rick's mind is coming out of the fog that the bite put him in. He can almost hear the gears winding in his brain. Negan exhales. He's got to find a way to turn Rick's mind off or he's just going to keep getting lost in there. 

Negan leans in to place a quick kiss to Rick's temple, and Rick inhales in surprise. All these _kisses_. It's disturbing. But also… nice? Now that _is_ crazy. 

"Rick, do you want something to drink? Eat?" Negan asks. He knows Rick needs the energy to make more blood. He puts his hand softly on Rick's shoulder, his eyes lighting up. "I have hot cocoa?"

Rick blinks. He hasn't had that since he was a kid. He smiles softly - It sounds good. "Okay," he says quietly. "Thank you." He glances to Negan gratefully and then away. Negan's hand is heavy on his shoulder, and Rick sighs, wanting to lean into it. He's so tired. 

Negan smiles at him, squeezing his shoulder, before standing and going to the kitchen. "My pleasure." He goes to the pantry and reaches up to the top, pulling down a sealed mason jar. He places it on the table before filling his teapot with water from the pitcher next to the basin on the counter. Rick watches Negan move around with his eyelids halfway down. He yawns and rubs his face, and glances to the dining room table. He looks back to Negan. 

Negan sets the teapot on the stove. The embers from when Rick reheated his dinner are still glowing. It'd be enough to heat the water significantly without Negan having to re-stoke it. He glances to Rick. "It'll just be a second," he says to him, going to get a mug. Rick nods, though he's not sure Negan sees it. 

Negan opens the mason jar, a puff of cocoa floating out. He scoops a few spoonfuls into the mug before re-sealing the jar and putting it back.

Rick stands up and a rush of pain throbs in his forehead. He groans and waits until it settles before he walks over into the kitchen just behind a dining room chair. He watches Negan work with his arms still slightly crossed, though he rubs his arms to try to warm them too. He looks down at the table and reddens, embarrassed again about Negan's rule. He drops his hands to the back of the wooden chair and fidgets slightly, unwilling to ask if he can sit. He doesn't want to _ask_. 

He settles his hands and leans in slightly, trying to look nonchalant, and examines the rest of the kitchen while he waits. He takes in the various pots hanging on nails embedded in the rough logs of the cabin; the basic rough-hewn shelving pegged into the walls; and the tin and china cups and bowls. Some of the dishware is more elaborate than others, with words and symbols Rick doesn't recognize. He tries to read what looks like German from where he is, squinting, but it's difficult with only candles and the fire for light. 

Negan watches Rick from the corner of his eye, impressed with how well he's still following his no-furniture rule. Though, from the groans and slow movements, Negan can tell the blood loss has affected him. 

He does enjoy the fact that Rick moved closer on his own volition though. He smiles to himself as he places the mason jar back on the shelf, and then checks the water temperature in the teapot. It's steaming slightly, but not boiling. Perfect. He doesn't want Rick to have to wait too long for the liquid to cool before he can drink it. 

When Negan's almost finished, Rick sighs, imagining the warmth of it in his hands and then in his belly. He's still surprised Negan offered him something like this, and he half expects it to be a trick of some kind. 

Negan lifts the kettle and pours the water into the mug, stirring the powder around until it's dissolved. He picks up the mug, feeling the warmth through the ceramic, and hands it to Rick. 

"Thank you," Rick says, but Negan takes one of Rick's hands and places it on the mug, securing it on the warm cup, before taking the other hand and placing it next to it. Rick looks at him, confused. Is he making sure he has a good grip on it? 

"There ya go," Negan says, looking at him with something like concern. "Don't burn your mouth now."

Rick smiles slightly. "Thanks…" he says. "I got it." 

"You're welcome," he says, giving Rick a small smile back. He lets go of Rick's hands when he's sure he has a solid grip on the mug, placing his hands instead down on Rick's hips. He's just trying to keep him from toppling over, but also, he likes having Rick in his grasp.

Rick makes a small noise in surprise and goes red at suddenly being handled there. He supposes it's because Negan thinks he's shaky, which he probably is - but still, it's unnecessary. 

And then, before he can react further besides jerking back slightly, Negan leans forward and places a quick kiss to his forehead. Rick flushes, eyes wide and mouth a tense line, and he squeezes the mug in his hands near to breaking it. His immediate reaction is annoyance and anger, but he can't help, again, the fact that he's actually getting a little aroused by this. He swallows thickly. 

"Tell me if you like it, or if it needs anything," Negan says. 

"Uh-huh," Rick replies, his heavy-lidded gaze moving from Negan, to the kitchen, the mug, and then finally the floor as he attempts to calm his racing heartbeat. 

Negan just smiles down at him, loving his reactions. Who knew Rick could be so easily flustered from a few touches and kisses? He must not have been getting much back in town. 

He makes a mental note to get Rick in _this_ state before feeding next time. Sure, there's still some anger in the man's expression as well, but Negan can smell the arousal and he knows he'd be able to push that easily. 

Negan squeezes Rick's hips gently and Rick makes a small noise, exhaling hotly.

"Well? Try it," Negan says, gesturing to the hot cocoa with his chin.

"Yeah, okay, okay," Rick says with a little annoyance but also some amusement. He shifts his fingers on the mug - it's not that hot. He looks at it and lifts it to his lips before blowing on it gently. After a few seconds, he decides it's probably fine to drink, and takes a sip. 

The water makes it a little less flavorful than he remembers from his childhood. Or at least, when his mother _could_ use milk to make it she would. That was Rick's favorite. But this is hot and sweet and the chocolate is rich and delicious, so he still enjoys it immensely. 

"Mmm," he hums, looking up at Negan. "It's good." 

He drinks down half of it because he doesn't realize how thirsty he is, and lets himself enjoy the warmth and sweetness of it. It's a comforting, calming sensation on his unsettled stomach, and the sugar gives him a boost so he can think a little more clearly.

Negan grins. "I'm glad!" he says. "The last time I had hot cocoa I was just a kid."

Rick laughs nervously, trying to imagine Negan as a child and failing.

"I bought this," Negan motions with his chin to Rick's cup, "just to smell it occasionally. I'm happy someone'll get to use it to its full potential."

Rick's stares at the drink in his hands with a dark sense of unease then. He would really rather be with his kids than here drinking hot cocoa, but he can't do anything about it right now. "Yeah," he says with a sigh, drinking the rest of it. 

He feels warm and full and impossibly sleepy almost as soon as he does. He blinks heavily and sniffs, feeling like he's about to collapse into the floor in a minute if he doesn't put himself there soon. 

Negan watches Rick drink the rest with slight fascination and curiosity. He has the urge to taste Rick's blood now; taste what the sweet chocolate did to it, but he knows he can't. Rick's already given his share tonight, and he looks ready to pass out in a heartbeat. 

Negan feels like he could use a cat nap too. His own drink is still warm in his belly and making his eyes heavy. But... he doesn't want to leave Rick. _Hmm_. 

Negan takes the mug gently from Rick's hands and sets it on the table next to them before resting his hands on Rick's hips again. Rick shivers. 

"Rick, you look exhausted. Come with me?" he asks, already turning and taking a step backward towards his room, tugging on Rick lightly.

Rick blinks. Go with him where? "Uhhh…" he says nervously, but he lets himself be pulled. He doesn't think Negan's interested in… _that_... he even said himself he doesn't want Rick for sex. He could have been lying to make Rick trust him, but there's something in his eyes… and he just said he thinks he's exhausted. If Negan wanted him for sex, he wouldn't say that. He wouldn't imply that he's going to _do_ something about that exhaustion if he wasn't. Would he? 

For some strange reason, Rick doesn't think he would. For some strange reason, he _trusts_ Negan. Just a little bit. Just enough for this - whatever it is. 

Negan watches the flash of confusion and hesitation pass over Rick's face. He can hear the grinding of the gears in his head as he thinks about what Negan could be insinuating by pulling him towards his dark bedroom. 

And, yet, he follows. 

Negan smiles as Rick lets himself be pulled, taking a few more steps backward before letting go of one of Rick's hips and sliding his hand to Rick's lower back instead. 

Rick keens slightly, surprised, and Negan pulls him into the dark bedroom. It really is dark in here and he can't see a thing. He wishes there was a lamp or something. Negan keeps close as they step into the room, knowing that Rick can't see very well in the dark. 

Lucille is still snuffling around under the blankets on Negan's bed and Negan lets out a short, soft whistle. Rick jerks, but he knows Lucille is in here. Lucille pokes her head out from under the comforter, tongue lolling and eyes and black fur glinting in the low light. She snorts at Negan and eyes Rick.

She can smell Rick on Negan… _in_ Negan. She looks up to see Negan's eyes flashing red in the darkness. He's fed. Good. She wiggles her way out from under the covers and jumps to the floor, going past the two. Rick squeezes Negan's arm and she brushes past him, going into the living room. Rick shivers, just a little uneasy about her in the dark. 

"Come," Negan says as he guides Rick through the dark to the bed.

Rick follows Negan further into the room. In the dark like this, his exhaustion is making itself even more apparent, and he has trouble keeping his eyes open - but he does, because it's now if ever that he should be on alert. He watches Negan's moves carefully. 

Negan rubs his hand up and down Rick's back as he leads him to bed, bumping Rick's legs against the frame so it's obvious where it is. Negan leans over and nuzzles the tip of his nose into Rick's hair above his temple. "Go on. Climb in," he says, voice soft and low.

Rick's face is flaming as Negan touches him and whispers to him. He whimpers softly, and then Negan's telling him to get into the bed and he's so exhausted but…

"Y-you go first," he says, and he hopes stupidly that his red face isn't visible in the dark. He shifts anxiously. 

Negan can't help but grin at Rick's soft noises and words. The blush on Rick's face isn't visible in the dark, even with Negan's night vision, but the vampire can _feel_ the heat emanating from him. _Fantastic_. 

Negan also enjoys how Risk assumes that he'll be joining him in bed. Yes, that is Negan's plan, and yes, it is a logical assumption, but he never explicitly _stated_ it. 

Rick has assumed and accepted it. He isn't pushing Negan away. He's practically inviting him in. 

"Alright," Negan says, moving his hands to Rick's shoulders and turning him so that he faces the bed with Negan between. Rick squeaks in surprise. The vampire keeps his hands on Rick, squeezing gently, and Rick calms somewhat. What's Negan _doing?_

Negan bends a knee and places his leg on the bed behind him, following with the other. "Come along, Rrrick," he says, rolling the 'R' along his tongue. Rick swallows, part of him wanting to pull away and the other just wanting to collapse onto the bed and sleep for a day.

Negan trails one hand along Rick's clavicle, up his neck to his cheek, and cups it softly. Rick feels himself getting warmer at the touch, and also becoming a little dubious about this whole thing. 

"Wh—" 

But before Rick can register what's happening, Negan's moved back on the bed, got a finger through the ring on the collar, and is pulling him gently forward. 

On instinct, Rick grabs Negan's arm and jerks back a tiny amount, halted by Negan's fingers in the ring. His body is rigid, his eyes wide as he breathes through his open mouth, his teeth just visible. He's not _afraid_ \- or, at least, he wasn't until he put his hands on the vampire in front of him. His grip loosens as fear courses through him. He just… doesn't like being pulled places. 

Especially if people are _rude_ about it.

Negan stops moving. He can smell the fear again. _Damn_. That hadn't been his intention. Rick's more easily spooked than he gave him credit for. How on Earth did he become sheriff? 

Negan laughs softly and lets go of Rick's collar, and Rick gives him a distrustful look. This is all going so quickly. As if to affirm that, Negan slips his hand down Rick's loose grip until he can take his hand in his. Rick falters, unsure, and Negan brings his hand to his mouth and kisses his knuckles, gazing up at him. Rick watches Negan, baffled, as he looks up at him with those red, _red_ eyes. 

"I'm sorry. I forgot you don't like that," Negan apologizes sincerely. Rick swallows and looks down. 

Letting go of him, Negan sits back and pats the bed in front of him. "Join me? Please?"

Rick looks at the bed. In the faint light coming from a candle in the living room - he's sure the fire's gone out by now - he can see that the covers are down the bed, all bunched up at the end - were probably made in disarray by Lucille. He smiles faintly. 

He's still a little unsure, but, after several seconds he sighs and gets up, nervous and confused about how Negan's doing this, but not about to bring the man's attention to it. He crosses his arms. He thinks, vaguely, that he wishes he didn't have his pants on. Yeah he likes having something covering him around Negan, but he knows if he gets into a bed like this it won't be comfortable at all.

Negan didn't take his off either. Rick supposes he understands why he didn't - what kind of a message would that've sent? And, Rick thinks, he's also not very warm anyway. But it's still kind of weird that he wants to get into bed fully dressed. Not that he's complaining. Not that he _cares_. 

He just thinks it'd be more comfortable if they weren't tracking dirt into the bed and wearing stiff pants in it; that's all. 

Negan smiles as Rick finally climbs up with him. Rick sits awkwardly, looking like he doesn't know what to do and is overthinking everything. Negan sighs softly and leans forward to kiss Rick's temple. Rick makes a soft noise, unprepared and startled again by such acts of affection. 

"Rick, stop thinking for five seconds and just relax," Negan whispers into his ear. The vampire pulls back and lays down on his back next to Rick, kicking his feet under the blankets at the foot of the bed. He looks up at Rick expectantly and opens his arms, gesturing for him to come to him.

Rick snorts softly. Yeah, he's tired, but he's not about to _cuddle_.

Negan rolls his eyes with a small smile, watching him. 

Rick looks down. This bed is _very soft_ though, and he doesn't want to waste it, so he sighs and lies down, curled up _away_ from Negan's arms. He reaches down and pulls the covers up over himself, hoping that he can just fall asleep here without Negan wanting his attention again. 

Negan shifts then, tucking his arms back in and turning to his side. The blankets rise over him a little when Rick pulls them up over himself, and Negan helps brings them up the rest of the way. 

He studies Rick's face as they settle down on the pillows, and Rick watches him back nervously. After a moment, Negan reaches for his face, and Rick tenses, squeezing his eyes closed. But Negan just softly pushes some loose strands of hair back behind his ear, and Rick exhales and blinks, and then runs a hand through his hair himself, messing it up again. Negan smiles and scoots an inch closer to him. Rick inhales softly. He shifts back slightly to compensate and bites his lip, his eyebrows knitting. He still doesn't know what to make of Negan, or this desire to get closer to him. Why does he want to?

Negan sighs. Does Rick still think he's going to hurt him? 

His eyebrows furrow in concern. He lets his hand drift to Rick's hand, taking it softly and placing it on his own cheek. Rick's eyes are drifting shut and he sighs, shivering; Negan's beard is so soft. Negan holds Rick's hand there as he nuzzles his face into it, closing his eyes. Negan hums softly, loving Rick's warmth. 

He's almost forgotten how much he loves the company of another person. Lucille is great, but she can't give him what Rick can. Even if it's just soft touches like this. There's something so different about skin-on-skin that skin-on-fur just doesn't satisfy.

Negan kisses Rick's palm softly, still holding his hand to his cheek. "Sleep, Rick," he whispers.

Rick hums. His eyes are closed and he breathes deeply, despite everything taking comfort in Negan's presence. 

He thinks briefly of his kids, and sends a quick prayer to God or whoever's listening that they're okay. He needs to write that letter tomorrow. And ask Negan what his long-term plans are. Will he want to move any time soon, basically. Because Rick doesn't plan on leaving the area. Not until he can somehow get away, anyway. 

He wonders if Negan will ever let him leave the property, too, if only because it might somehow help him escape the vampire's clutches. Maybe he can convince him that he wants to go on a hiking or hunting trip, under the guise of being bored and wanting out of the house. Rick makes a note to gauge whether Negan would be up for that the next time he's in a good mood. 

He sighs, eyes flicking to Negan's eyes briefly. He knows that sleeping in Negan's bed with him is probably something of an admission of defeat. He knows he shouldn't be doing it, and yet… he supposes that he trusts Negan enough, and he was too tired to resist. Negan can do whatever he wants to him anyway, no need to get him in bed for that - though he's been good about backing off if Rick expresses animosity towards whatever he's doing. Rick appreciates that greatly. 

Suddenly, and guiltily, he realizes that he wants to get closer to Negan. He feels badly, but he's not stupid enough to think that he hasn't been affected by Negan's presence - by his utter lack of boundaries that can be jarring or sweet depending on what he does. 

Rick swallows, his hand still in Negan's. He has a burning curiosity to touch him back, but he doesn't want to encourage the man's behavior. He doesn't want him to get any ideas. Nevertheless, Rick finds himself carefully touching Negan's hand back - just moving his fingers against his. Negan's are cold but still soft, like he has bad circulation. 

Negan feels his touch and cracks an eye open, falling completely still, and forgetting to pretend to breathe. _Rick_ is initiating contact between them. It's nothing big, but it's more than he'd done before. 

But what does Rick want? Is he testing him? Is he just sleep deprived? Negan can't deny the feeling of happiness in his chest that blooms at the thought that Rick might be starting to trust him a bit more. 

_Don't screw this up_ , he thinks to himself as he searches Rick's face, trying to read him.

Rick avoids Negan's searching gaze and links their hands together just slightly, rubbing Negan's thumb. He's still _so tired_ but he's curious what Negan would do - damn the consequences. He wets his lips as his eyes flick over Negan's face and away sleepily. 

Negan moves slowly then and interlaces their fingers a bit more, curling them together. He watches Rick as he kisses the back of his hand, lingering his lips over the warm skin.

Rick sighs and flushes slightly. It's nice. And he thinks he feels… a bit safer, now. 

He sighs and closes his eyes, too tired to think about it further.

Negan watches him as his breathing slows. Watches his chest rise and fall slowly, smoothly. Watches his eyelids flutter softly the deeper he falls. 

Negan feels himself drifting off as well. His stomach is full and warm, and Rick's body heat is so close. Negan shifts, ever so slowly, just close enough to Rick to press his legs against his under the covers. He hums softly. He won't do more than that. Not while Rick is asleep and giving him his trust. 

The vampire closes his eyes and listens to the sound of Rick breathing softly, soon falling into a still, death-like slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A **_zoetrope_** is “a device for giving an illusion of motion, consisting of a slitted drum that, when whirled, shows a succession of images placed opposite the slits within the drum as one moving image.” You can find a history of the zoetrope and pictures of it [here](http://www.zoetrope.org/zoetrope-history).


	9. Perception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick adjusts to cabin living, makes some new furry friends, and learns some surprising things about his vampire host.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So we just wanted to thank you for all the great comments we've gotten on this story! *cries* They make us scream with joy to read and yeah, they truly do mean so much to us so thank you tons!! :'3 ♥
> 
> Also we realized that we never linked to our very first moodboard for this fic that RanebowStitches made! So that is [here](https://ranebowstitches.tumblr.com/post/173244733307/oh-i-wont-take-up-any-more-of-your-time-rick) & neither did we link to some alternate chibi art that [ironydm](https://ironydm.tumblr.com/) made for us ♥ which you can find [here](http://sweet-andy.tumblr.com/post/176279107415/what-are-you-gonna-do-when-somebody-comes-looking) :-) Also a reminder that anything related to this fic (chapter posts, art, moodboards etc) you can find on my twd tumblr (I have changed URLs recently from you-answer-to-me to sweet-andy) tagged with the fic title ([here](http://sweet-andy.tumblr.com/tagged/strawberry+wine))~! ^-^

**Friday, April 22nd, 1881**

Negan's awoken from his light nap about an hour later by the sound of Lucille whining softly from the foot of the bed. He looks down and sees her looking back at him. Shushing her softly, Negan pats his hip and calls her up. She comes, curling up between the wall and the crook in Negan's legs, resting her head on his hip. He smiles as he pets her head and looks back at Rick.

Rick blinks awake when he hears a dog's whine. Lucille. He sighs and closes his eyes again for a few seconds before opening them again into the dark. And it is _dark_. He can see a glint of light off Lucille's back, and he can see Negan faintly. 

Rick's still tired, but he watches Lucille with sleepy interest, avoiding looking at Negan; he can _feel_ the man's eyes on him, and he doesn't like it. 

Negan sees Rick blinking sleepily in the dark. Lucille must have woken him. Damn. He knows Rick has to be tired still. He softly squeezes Rick's hand that's still clasped in his, and Rick's cheeks go pink. He hadn't even realized they were still holding hands.

"Go back to sleep, Rick. It's not yet morning," Negan whispers. 

Rick wants to go back to sleep - rather than being here and having to be conscious around _Negan_. He exhales tightly. 

Just then, Lucille tilts her head and reaches a paw out, placing it on his blanket-covered thigh. Rick sighs, deflating, and pulls his hand from Negan's grip. He pushes himself up and rubs his face.

Negan frowns. Did he do something? Rick was warming to him before, but now… he hums softly.

"Uh-huh," Rick says, "Don't worry, imma do that." He sighs again, just this side of annoyed with Negan telling him what to do. He'll sleep if he feels like it, is that too much to ask? He reaches over to pet Lucille's head, giving her a scratch between the ears. 

Negan just watches him for a moment before he reaches out and lights touches Rick's arm. He craves the contact, and he wants to soothe Rick. Rick flinches in surprise and a shiver runs up his spine. 

Oblivious, Lucille pants happily and rubs her head into Rick's hand, shifting around to get closer to him and nosing at his arm. Rick laughs and she licks at his hand, boofing softly at him and rubbing an ear on his palm. 

Negan smiles softly. "Lucille also says she wants you to sleep," he translates quietly, and Rick gets another silent start. It's so dark he can barely see him. 

Lucille looks to Negan and then Rick and lets out a series of small barks and growls. 

"She says not to worry. She'll be here to protect you from the things in the night." 

Rick's eyebrows draw. Negan's… telling him what Lucille's saying? Does he take him for an idiot? That or… he's crazier than Rick thought he was. 

Lucille boofs softly, and Negan stares at her. 

"Even if… even if that thing is me…" he says, a question and sadness in his voice. Lucille gives Negan an 'I love you, but I know you' look with her eyes. 

Rick blinks. He doesn't know what to make of that. He's silent, contemplating what Negan said and if he believes any of it. It's funny how Lucille will apparently protect him from Negan… and yet she's the one keeping him here. 

Negan looks away from Lucille and curls into himself, feeling betrayed by his own dog. He rubs his leg against Rick's by accident. 

Rick jerks slightly at the touch, and then relaxes again after a few seconds when Negan doesn't do anything else. Weird. He exhales slowly and turns to Lucille. He rubs her head again, before they fall into silence aside from the dog's soft panting. 

Lucille leans into Rick's hand again as he pets her. She really does like him a lot, and she knows Negan wouldn't hurt him, but she wants them both to know that she won't hesitate to protect the human. Though, she also won't let him leave. Negan is still her master, and she does answer to him in the end, but she knows she can push a few boundaries. 

She lays her head back down on Negan's hip, pulling away from Rick and whining softly. Negan sighs and reaches down to pet her ear. She barks softly. 

"No," Negan says, monotone. 

Lucille chuffs. 

"No…" Negan answers, softer. 

Lucille boofs. 

"Fine…" 

Lucille pants happily, satisfied with the answer. She licks Rick's hand again before hopping off the bed and trotting back to the living room.

Rick had listened to the exchange with bemusement, and laughs softly when she licks his hand. 

"What was that about?" he asks as he watches her leave. He's still seriously dubious that she has complex thought processes and Negan can somehow understand her, but… their interactions _are_ very deliberate. 

Negan rolls his eyes, not thinking that Rick can even see them in the dark. He looks up at him and shifts so that's he's laying more on his back than his side. "Nothing… just…" He groans quietly, running his hands down his face. Lucille could be quite the mastermind when she wanted to be. "Nothing." He sighs, looking at Rick before reaching out again and softly touching his arm. "Won't you lay down with me, Rick? Please?"

Rick narrows his eyes, suspicious. 

He glances between Negan and the door, curiosity burning. 

"Where did she go?" he insists. He's a little fearful of the answer now, but it's not like he can just ignore them talking when he's _right here_. "And why do you want me to lie down so badly? I would have thought you'd be happy I was awake while you are, since you just sleep the whole day." Rick looks at him curiously, anger and annoyance and exhaustion rumbling inside him, though hidden. Mostly he's just tired and confused. And more suspicious now. He knows Negan wants to get closer to him. But Rick's worried what'll happen if he allows it. 

He knows Negan told him he wasn't interested in sex. But can he really believe that? Yeah, Negan's started to be more relaxed during the time Rick's been here, so Rick trusts him more, but who knows if that isn't really just an act. 

Not like it matters. Negan could have him by force if he wanted so there's no point in trying to seduce him besides just… actually wanting his consent. Rick doesn't understand that. Why does Negan want to get closer to him? Why does he want to build a relationship with him? Surely having another vampire as company would make more sense? If what Negan implies is true, then he'll live for however many more years and Rick… won't. What's the point of that? 

Having some quick fun, Rick supposes. At _his_ expense. And what happens if _he_ falls for Negan? What _then?_ Who gets the short end of the stick with _that_ happens? 

Negan snorts with a small smile. "She's just in the living room, Rick. It's okay." This man is livewired, isn't he? Negan definitely liked sleep-deprived Rick a bit more. 

Rick sighs, giving up on knowing what the hell they were talking about. 

Negan sits up slowly, keeping his distance from Rick. He fiddles with the hem of his shirt. "I know you're still tired, Rick. I just want you to get all the rest you need." He watches him in the dark, and Rick looks at him back, still barely able to see him. 

"Thanks, but it's not like I'm going anywhere. I can just sleep _any time I want_ because it's not like I have anything else to do," he says bitterly, and Negan flinches. 

"Well," Negan starts, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't get any pleasure from having you next to me, Rick… I… I enjoy your warmth. I enjoy your breathing. I enjoy your… life." He looks away and bites his bottom lip. "It's nice to be close to you." He rubs a hand over his neck, feeling his own cool skin.

Rick's annoyance evaporates. Hearing how Negan just wants company is… he understands that. Even if he's never _kidnapped_ anyone to get it. He rolls his eyes. 

But he _is_ tired, and this bed _is_ very comfortable. He sighs and rubs his face. His scruff is getting more noticeable, and he'll have to trim it somehow. He runs a hand through his hair and looks at Negan before nodding. "Alright," he says in defeat. He lies down again and exhaustion hits him like a freight train. He sighs and pulls the covers over himself again, curling up and watching Negan with heavy eyes.

Negan watches Rick incredulously, amazed he didn't scare him off. He beams and quickly lays back down as well. He moves closer, pressing their legs together again, but curling his arms into his own chest. 

Rick sighs, and admits to himself that he's happy Negan's close to him again.

"Thank you, Rick," Negan breathes, and places a quick kiss to Rick's forehead.

Rick makes a small noise. The kiss is… nice. 

Negan smiles at the noise Rick makes. He likes a lot of the noises Rick makes. He's happy that Rick's allowing him to be this close; even just like this is okay. Just being close, legs touching, heat rolling off the human. Negan's content to stay here forever. He wouldn't wish for more.

Rick sighs, in a less than happy mood despite… recent developments. 

He's just… so sad about being kept away from his kids, and yeah Negan's the one who's keeping him here, but he's also the only comfort Rick has, and Rick just can't… _help it_. 

He frowns, desperate for a second, before he takes a shaky breath and shifts his legs closer to Negan's. They're so close and he's getting warm again. He curls his hands close to his chest for a few minutes, breathing and thinking and feeling so, _so_ warm and being so, _so_ aware of Negan's proximity. He bites his lip. 

After what feels like an eternity, Rick hesitantly reaches out and takes Negan's hand. It's large and cold and it has some scars, but it's also soft, and Rick holds it between his own on the bed just in front of him. Negan said he enjoyed Rick's warmth so… he must like this, right? Rick warming him up. It also cools Rick down a bit. So it's a win-win. 

Rick doesn't look at Negan. He _can't_. But he listens and he waits hesitantly to see what the other man'll do. 

Negan… falls completely still, eyes open in shock as Rick takes his hand. If he could blush, his whole body would be on fire. 

He _loves_ having Rick initiating touch, holding his hand softly. The human is so warm, his actual blush helping that fact. Negan groans softly at the feel of it. He curls his fingers to try and hold Rick's hand back as best he can. He wants desperately to just wrap Rick up in his arms, but he knows he needs to go slow. He's worked too hard to let Rick backslide now. 

Rick takes a steadying breath as Negan responds, going still and curling his fingers. Rick can almost _feel_ how slow he's going.

Oh, God, Rick wants to touch him more. He doesn't know why he feels _that_ insane desire. Not to the extent that he's feeling it. But, he is. He _wants to_ , but he's just not sure if he's quite ready. 

Negan scoots ever the more closer. Rick inhales, and Negan nudges Rick's head with his nose. Then he breathes in and holds the earthy smell of Rick's hair deep in his unused lungs. Rick hums softly,though it's nearly a whimper. He smiles, eyes closed. This is good. 

He _probably_ shouldn't be encouraging this _at all_ , he knows, and should feel guilty for what he _is_ doing, but he can't help it. And why should he? If he wants to get back to his kids in one piece, he needs this. 

Rick swallows. It's fine. It's _fine_. 

But he's also too tired to care if it is or isn't. It makes him feel better, and that's enough for now. 

Rick sighs. He curls up a little more so his head is under Negan's chin, and his hands are nearly touching the other man's chest, and he's asleep before he even realizes it. 

Negan could just about cry. The feeling of Rick's head tucked perfectly under his chin brings a grin to the vampire's face. It is _fantastic_. 

He shifts slightly once Rick's breathing evens out. He gets closer, really tucking Rick under there. The softness of the man's hair on the underside of his chin makes him shiver. 

Lord, if his heart still beat, it'd be going a mile a minute. 

Having Rick in his bed, curled close, is so exciting. Negan has many a day to waste. Might as well spend a few in bed. 

So, rested now from his nap, Negan stays awake and just watches Rick sleep. He catalogs the man's features to his memory, wanting to be able to draw him without a reference. He knows someday Rick will leave him, and he wants to be able to remember him perfectly as he is. 

He's not sure why he's so drawn to Rick, but he is. He wants so much more from him, and he wants to give him so much. Negan hasn't fallen for someone for decades. Could that be what this is? Could he even remember how that feels anymore? 

He squeezes Rick's hand softly and smiles. Yes, he thinks he remembers quite well. 

As the sun begins to rise, he feels that familiar pull in his chest of his energy dampening. His eyelids fall and he scoots the tiniest bit closer, Rick's hands brushing his chest. He drifts off as a rooster crows miles away.

Several hours later, Rick wakes warm and comfortable for the first time in what he knows is days but feels like a month. He sighs as he comes back to the land of the living, enjoying the feeling of calm. 

Then his eyes fly open, and he realizes how close to another man - _Negan_ \- he is. He flushes and his breathing picks up. He has one of Negan's hands in his. It's cool and soft, but there's something else… he seems _dead_. Rick blinks fast, looking for a heartbeat. He knows…. Negan doesn't have one. But to be so close to him right now and just have nothing is… unsettling. He's not breathing either. He's perfectly still. 

Rick lets go of Negan's hand and shifts away from him, unnerved. He knows Negan's not really dead. Well, that could be debatable, he supposes. No. That's just… how he is. 

Rick looks at Negan's face, soft now as he's… unconscious? Rick doesn't feel like 'sleep' is the right word. He's not sleeping. He's just not… aware? Rick doesn't know if he is or not. He could just be pretending. Just another trick. But Rick doesn't really think he is. He's not like that. He likes to stare at Rick, not pretend to be unconscious. 

And he's vulnerable right now. Rick wonders what would happen if he threatened the man. He could just get a knife and stab him. He's not going to, of course. Because he might be able to do that but Lucille would probably tear him to shreds if anything happened to her blood-sucking master. Rick chuckles to himself, and then sighs. 

He thinks about what happened last night. What he did. He feels like he should be confused and angry but mostly he's just… tired. He was tired of being so tense all the time. Hopefully that… helped somewhat. 

He is… attracted to Negan. In a strange, unnatural way. He knows he shouldn't be, but he is. 

Rick sighs. He looks at Negan's face, examining his smooth skin and his grey and white beard… his eyes closed in sleep and his dark wavy hair. Rick wonders if he's had the same hair for the whole time he's been alive. He wonders how vampire hair even works. Does it grow? Would it grow back if somebody cut it? _Can_ you cut it? 

He has the urge to touch Negan's beard. He wants to… but how would that look if Negan just woke up? 

Rick sighs again. He should probably get up and eat something. He doesn't even know what time it is. 

It's so comfortable in this bed though… and it's not like he has anywhere to be. It's not like he can _leave if he wants to_. He huffs, feeling the anger and frustration build up again. But it's too painful to think about and he lets the feelings subside. 

What he can't suppress is how much he just wants some comfort. 

He shivers, and then, after a few moments of deliberation and frustration, drops his forehead gently against Negan's chin. He nearly whines - and then he wonders what's _wrong_ with him. It was something in the man's saliva when he bit him, that's it. It's an aphrodisiac. It's the only explanation. Rick groans and sighs, closing his eyes again. He shifts so their legs are touching - curls his feet around Negan's slightly, and takes his hand again. This he holds to his chest. He wonders if subconsciously Negan can feel his heartbeat. He wonders why the man doesn't _wake the hell up._

Rick snorts. Well, it's not like he wants that. He's _glad_ Negan's a heavy sleeper. 

Rick sighs and shifts, getting comfortable, and falls asleep again.

He wakes up on his side looking at a dresser. The sunlight from the living room is softly illuminating it, and his eyebrows knit. What time is it? He groans and stretches, and his feet hit Negan's. He drops onto his back, the quilt at his waist, and looks over at the vampire. He looks just as dead as when Rick woke up earlier. He doesn't even know how long he slept for. He really wishes he had his damn pocket watch. He grumbles and then goes silent, wondering if he can hear it from where he is. 

His stomach grumbles instead and he groans. Apparently he's hungry. 

With one last bit of curiosity, Rick reaches out gently and strokes Negan's bearded chin. Then his cheek; his beard is firm yet soft. Rick's fingers trail over his jaw and to his lips, but trace just below them. Rick swallows and reluctantly pushes himself up. He wipes a hand over his own face and through his hair. He moves his tongue over his teeth. He also needs to do something about that. 

He gets out and sits on the edge of the bed, looking at the items on the dresser. There isn't much on there except Negan's hat and a framed… painting? In the painting is a dark-haired woman. Rick looks at it dubiously. Some long-dead lover? Or not dead. Rick shivers and looks out the door. When he does so, however, something else catches his eye. 

On a rack on the door, it looks like there are… collars?

Rick stands up and walks over to them, a chill running up his spine. But when he gets closer to them, he realizes that they're… dog collars? There are maybe a dozen or so of them. He sees one of the name tags and is confused when he reads the name Lucille. Are all of these Lucille's collars? But then why are there so many…? 

Rick's heartbeat speeds up and he glances back to Negan. He swallows, but tries to put it out of his mind.

In the living room, slivers of light shine in past the black curtains. 

He sees Lucille sleeping on the couch and smiles. 

He doesn't want to disturb her, so he goes into the kitchen and grabs a glass before getting the pitcher of water to fill it with - only it's empty. He sighs and grabs the bucket from under the table before heading out to fill it from the creek. 

It's clearly afternoon when he walks out into the yard, and he wonders just how long he slept. 

He fills the bucket with fresh water and returns, giving himself a drink and filling the pitcher. 

Then to figure out breakfast. He first carefully closes Negan's bedroom door, and then opens the black curtains covering the windows in the kitchen so that light spills into the small space. He sighs and looks at the creek and forest. 

He takes a look in the icebox - the ice of which is rapidly depleting, he notes, wondering when Negan'll replace it - and perks up when he sees the eggs and vegetables. Perfect. He takes some out, puts a few logs into the oven and lights it, and chops up the vegetables for an omelette. Before he cooks it he pokes around in the cupboards and finds some jerky. _Yes_. He crumbles some of that into the bowl as well and then pours it all into the pan. There's a lot, but he _is_ starving. 

Soon, the eggs are sizzling and filling the cabin with the good greasy smell of protein. Rick's mouth waters as he pokes at it with a spatula. He wishes he had some bread as well, but he can ask Negan to make some later. Or he could just attempt it himself if he can find a recipe. He's sure it's not that difficult. 

On the couch, Lucille stirs. Rick is making food, and as she sniffs the air her mouth starts watering. Rick is cooking _meat_. Making a soft noise in her throat, Lucille gets up off the couch and goes to the kitchen. Rick glances up at her as she stretches her legs and takes a drink from her water bowl before coming over to him. 

Lucille whines as she looks up at him with big eyes, begging for something to eat like she's starving.

Rick chuckles. "Can't you catch squirrels or something?" he asks, turning back to the eggs. "You depend on Negan an awful lot for a… what are you anyway?" he glances at her. "You're big enough to be a wolf. Why don't you hunt for your dinner, huh? Or has Negan just gone soft on you?" He chuckles again. "These are _my eggs_ ," he says with only a little conviction. He'll give some to her. Why not? She's not _his_ dog, and he has a lot of food. 

Lucille snuffs and swipes at her snout with her paw. She _could_ go catch her own food, but why would she when there's something delicious being made right here? She scoots a little closer to Rick, swishing her tail on the ground and whining. He laughs, but her whine slowly turns into a soft howl, as if to say, _Yes, I'm a wolf. Now feed me._

"Uhhhh… Okay, okay, I'll give you some, alright? It'll be done in a minute just hold on." Now Rick's a little disapproving of himself that he's going to actually feed a dog some of his eggs, but she looks hungry, too… He thinks in hindsight that he made so much because he automatically does for his kids. They need to eat too. He hopes they're eating healthy food. He hopes they're okay. 

He's sad as he finishes cooking the omelette - though he makes a decision to himself that he's going to write that letter today. It's the only thing he can do apparently to make sure they're okay. 

He slides the eggs onto a plate, cutting a third of it off, and carefully uses the spatula to put it into Lucille's bowl. "There you go, Lucy. I hope you like peppers." He snorts. 

Lucille jumps up and down as Rick places some of the eggy delight into her bowl. It's barely off the spatula and she's got her nose in it, scarfing it down. Honestly, she doesn't care what's in it. She'll eat almost anything.

Rick laughs and watches her wolf down the eggs with a mixture of disgust and amusement. He's never seen a dog eat eggs before. 

Lucille chews noisily, pushing her bowl around on the floor as she bites into the warm egg. She quickly consumes the food, and licks her lips when she's done. She gives Rick a doggy smile before licking his hand and then trotting off out front.

Rick chuckles softly at the lick and watches her go outside before getting his own portion. He grabs a fork and knife from the drawer and a glass of water before setting his plate on the table. He pauses for only a second before he drags the chair out and sits down. If Lucille comes back in and starts growling at him for this after he made her breakfast he's going to yell at her. He leans back in the chair to look out the door and see if he can see her while he eats. 

Lucille is laying in the grass in the front yard, soaking up the morning sun. She pants softly, her stomach full and her fur warm. A few of the barn cats have ventured out as well and are nestled in the grass beside her, their tails flicking lazily.

Rick grins. He remembers the cats from when he first got here but after that they seemed to have disappeared. He wonders if they'll let him pet them at some point. 

He takes his time finishing the eggs - glad for some actual food after eating fruit and bread for the past two days - and then cleans the dishes in the bucket still halfway filled with water, dries them, and puts them away. 

Then he pauses. He needs to write that letter, but he doesn't even know what to say, or where to find any writing materials, for that matter. He thinks back to when he woke up - there looked to be some books and writing supplies piled in the corner of Negan's bedroom. Hm. He goes into the darkened room and stops in the doorway, looking in at the sleeping man. 

Negan's in nearly the exact same place he was when Rick got up, and he's just as still, too. Rick swallows and goes in. He looks down at Negan and, with a sigh, sits down on the bed. He sees the piles of books and papers there - and on Negan's dresser he thinks he sees what looks like a few pencils, some ink, and a pen. He sighs and looks at Negan again. 

He reaches up and shifts the collar on his neck while looking at him. It makes a soft clinking noise and he swallows, annoyed. He finds the lock on it and fiddles with the clasp. He tugs on the leather with both hands and groans before dragging a hand through his hair. 

Fuck Negan. 

But also… Rick reaches out and touches the man's hand. It's cold. He keeps expecting him to be warm but… he supposes he never will be. Rick shivers and goes to look in the pile. He pulls out several sheets of paper and grabs the pencil and pen and ink from Negan's dresser before going back out into the main room. He puts everything on the dining table, and gets to work drafting a letter.

After a while he grabs a book from Negan's bookcase and goes to sit outside. He settles into a rocking chair, gets the book on his knee with the paper on top, and keeps writing. 

Lucille lays still in the grass until Rick comes outside. He seems distracted, deep in thought. She yawns, teeth gleaming in the sun, and stands up. She shakes her fur out, sniffs at one of the cats, and trots over to Rick. She lays down on the porch at his feet, rubbing her head against his leg.

Rick smiles, rubbing her fur with his foot and reaching down to give her a scratch between the ears. "Hey, girl."

Lucille pants happily and nuzzles into Rick's hand. She lifts her head and places it in his lap, sniffing at the book he's holding before lolling her head to the side and closing her eyes. The warm sun has made her lazy and sleepy. She just wants to nap on him.

Rick laughs and rubs her head, petting her soft fur happily. Then he sighs and gets back to work. 

Several hours pass, and eventually he's well into a draft written in pencil of a letter he's going to send to Carl, as well as one he's going to send to his deputy Carol, and another to Maggie and Glenn. The lie he's going to tell them about how he's gone to Crimson Creek to continue investigating the cow deaths and that he'll be back soon. He has to say that. Even if it doesn't end up being true. He said he'll keep them updated and outlined some things about what to do while he's gone. 

He told Carl to keep going to school and take care of Judith - help out Olivia on that front. He put Carol in charge of the town while he's gone. He told them he doesn't have a fixed address but he'll keep sending letters when he can. He wonders if he can fix that so they can write back. He knows he can just ask Negan to get news from town, but if Negan can't talk to his family and friends directly on his behalf, then he wants to be able to hear from them somehow. 

He also asked Maggie and Glenn to look out for Carl - he's sorry he can't be there but as he said he'll be back soon and he'll send funds at some point if he can't get back. He thanked them profusely and apologized for his absence. They're good family friends so he knows they'll look out for Carl. 

One thing he thinks he needs to do… but doesn't want to yet, is find out about Lori. He knows her address. Or he knows it's in a letter she sent him after she left letting him know where she was - for the kids' sake so they could write to her. Which Carl has. Rick's seen to that. He knows she could come back to town if the kids needed her. 

Initially she wanted to take them with her after they decided to separate - not divorce, because neither of them wanted to go through the trouble of _that_ which could take years if it happened at all - but Rick argued that he had a steady job in town with a few rooms and Carl was already going to school and had friends and did she really want to disrupt that? She was going to teach school and be an artist out in some even more remote town to avoid the scrutiny and judgement of the neighbours. 

She'd come back a few times but mainly she was doing her own thing, and everybody was fine with that. Mostly.

Rick shakes his head and sighs. He'll deal with that later. 

He looks down at his feet where Lucille is and smiles. He turns his gaze out into the front yard where the afternoon heat is warming the earth and sighs. He gathers his papers and orders them neatly before setting them on the porch - with the book on top so they don't blow away - and getting up. He reaches his arms up and stretches, his hands brushing the awning. He yawns and rubs his face, feeling his beard. He definitely needs a shave. He also wants to find his watch. He hums.

Lucille yawns and looks at him from her spot on the porch and he smiles and gives her a pet before getting his papers from the floor and heading inside. 

He sets the sheets on the dining table and sighs. He wishes Negan were awake so he could ask him if he has a razor. He thinks for a second that Negan might not want to give him one, out of fear that he might hurt himself, but there are perfectly good knives in the drawer that Rick was using that would have been just as good and he hasn't done anything with those. 

Rick sighs. He goes into Negan's bedroom again to see if he can find his watch. He knows it's not just lying around, but if he heard it… 

He looks around the room. There aren't any other piles of anything or coats hanging up. He figures it's probably in Negan's dresser somewhere. He goes over there to listen and holds absolutely still. He listens for several minutes, moving around, but there's nothing. 

He huffs and goes to his wardrobe and does the same thing. Nothing. 

He doesn't know why Negan would have it on him, and wouldn't he have heard it before now? But maybe he just hadn't been paying attention before. He leans down over the sleeping man, and there really aren't any other noises that would obscure the noise besides Rick's _own_ breathing and heartbeat. He holds as still as possible and waits. 

Soon, he thinks he can hear something. Faintly. Very faintly. 

But that could very well just be Negan's own watch. 

Rick exhales in frustration and leaves the room. He'll just have to ask. He hopes Negan didn't get rid of it. That watch had been given to him by his father. 

He searches the cupboards in the kitchen next for a razor, which he doesn't find. He didn't think he would. Then he wonders if he would find one in the cupboard by Negan's bedroom door. He opens it and finds… a whole lot of junk. There are jars and cans full of things and various supplies and tools on the shelves. It's nearly packed full. He takes a cursory look through it, moving things aside so he can see deeper, but he doesn't find what he's looking for and he doesn't want to disturb any of Negan's stuff more than necessary, so he closes that up and then looks around.

His eyes stop on the door to the room next to Negan's. He glances to Negan's door which is still closed, and then to the front porch where Lucille is. He's more afraid of Lucille coming and barking at him for opening it, but she's been pretty laid back about him doing things lately, so maybe it would be okay.

Carefully, he goes up to it and slowly opens it. Thankfully, it doesn't creak.

Inside the dark room are cases and trunks piled high to the ceiling, old chairs, strange, ornate instruments Rick's never seen before, and various objects stacked on top of the trunks. There's another cabinet in the corner, and, as he walks into the room, he sees a large metal bathtub in the corner. How strange. His presence kicks up dust and the motes float around as thin bands of light stream in through the spaces around the black curtains over the windows. Rick wonders just what Negan has in all of these boxes. It's so odd. Some of this stuff looks _old_ , and Rick doesn't want to think too hard about that. 

He takes a quick look around the room but doesn't think he'll find a razor there either. He looks for his watch as well but doesn't see it. He sighs and leaves the room, closing the door behind him. 

He wishes again how he were in town right now instead of here, trapped, with nothing to do. But that can't be helped. 

He goes outside to see what Lucille's up to, and to see if there's something more interesting to do out in the yard. If he's going to be here a while, maybe he can start a garden or something. That would certainly take up his time, and he'd feel like he was accomplishing something productive instead of just languishing about. 

Lucille's in the yard playing with the barn cats. There's one hanging over the awning on the porch, and two in the grass with the wolf. Lucille's on her back, feet kicking the air while a stark white cat sits near her head and bats at her snout. A calico is at the other end trying to pounce Lucille's wagging tail. 

Rick puts his hands on his hips and laughs when he sees Lucille playing with the cats. Well, now. They came out after all. Lucille looks over and barks. The cats also look over, warily. The Siamese on the awning looks down at Rick from above and mews softly at him.

Rick looks up, surprised. His smile widens as he sees the head of a pretty Siamese cat poking out from over the awning. 

"Hey there," he says softly, shifting over and reaching his hand up to the cat for it to sniff. There were a few cats on the family farm he worked on as a teenager, and he got close to them, much to the chagrin of his father and the derision of his brother. You weren't supposed to become friends with farm cats. And farm cats weren't supposed to be pets, either. They were working cats, hunting mice and keeping the farm free from vermin. 

Well, Rick disagreed with that. Sure they were there to help but he didn't think it was a bad thing to be friendly with them. He loved petting them and feeding them scraps of meat every once in a while. 

The Siamese sniffs at Rick's hand before bumping his fingers with her head. She meows and flicks her tail. Rick grins and reaches up to pet her head back. "There ya go," he says. "What's your name, huh?" He wonders if _any of them_ have names. 

The white and calico by Lucille watch curiously. When the Siamese seems to be okay with Rick, the other two cats come over. The calico sniffs at Rick's leg while the white hangs back a bit, still eyeing him. 

Rick crouches down to them. "Hey you guys," he says, petting the calico one. Lucille whines when the cats leave, but she quickly rolls over and follows them to Rick who laughs at her sulking. 

The calico purrs as Rick pets her fur. She slinks under his hand to get him to pet all the way down her back, turning around and doing it again. She rubs all over Rick's hand and leg. The white cat steps up to Rick carefully, sniffing at him, but not letting him touch him. He watches the calico and flicks his tail in wariness. Lucille nudges the white cat with her snout and huffs. _It's okay,_ she says. 

Rick hums and feels himself relaxing as he pets the cats. This is nice. 

Then the Siamese meows before dropping off the awning and landing on Rick's shoulders. He gasps and laughs in surprise, reaching back to pet it. "Hey, sweetheart," he says with a grin. "What are you doing up there, huh?" He pets the friendly cat and turns his face into its fur. The cat's a little dusty but its short fur is still very soft. 

Rick pets the cats and gives Lucille scratches on the front steps of the house until all the animals are lying down around him purring or, in Lucille's case, panting in the heat. He hums. 

Yes, he thinks a garden would be a good idea. He pets the calico cat that's lying by his side and looks out into the yard before he gives her a good scratch and stands up. He yawns and stretches and makes his way into the barn. He goes to get his hat from the hook on the wall and takes it carefully. He looks into the stall to the right of it and swallows. 

Aftera moment he brushes his hat off and puts it on his head. He feels so much better wearing it. Even if he still doesn't have his boots yet and is walking around barefoot, having his hat gives him a little more dignity. 

There's a meow that comes from the barn door and Rick smiles as the calico cat comes closer. "Hey there, sweetie," he says, and crouches down to pet her.

When he stands and goes out the back door of the barn to see the clearing again, the cat follows him. He smiles as she sits and watches him with eyes half closed. 

Rick shakes his head and takes in the space. 

Yes, this is a perfect place for a garden. He clicks his tongue and goes back over to the house, petting Lucille and the Siamese cat that lean out to sniff his hand as he goes inside. 

He grabs his sketchbook and pencil from where he'd stashed them underneath the couch and is about to go back outside when he sees Negan's bookcase. He hums and goes over to it, searching through it quickly for any books on gardening. What he finds instead is a lot of fiction, action stories, horror stories, poetry, books in what Rick thinks might be Italian, and lots of history books. He's probably got more variety in here than the library in Mrs. Miller's house, that's for sure. But nothing on gardening that he can see. 

He sighs and heads back outside into the backyard, the cats and Lucille following along. He takes a detour to the creek for a minute to drink some water from the cool stream before finding a bank on the edge of the grass in the shade and sitting down against a tree. He settles down, crosses one leg over the other, flips open the book to an empty page, and begins to sketch the yard and what a possible garden might look like. 

The cats follow him over, curious and vaguely interested, while Lucille splashes through the water of the creek, sticking her nose in and drinking some of it too. The cats looks at her in disdain, running away when she comes splashing close to them. 

The calico cat curls up against Rick's leg, purring quietly, and Rick pets it softly. He grins when the Siamese tries to walk on top of his crossed legs and find a spot to lay down on. The white cat inches his way closer and sniffs at Rick's sketchbook, reaching a paw out and trying to grab at his pencil. He gives that cat a rub and plays with it for a little while. 

The sun gets lower in the sky and soon he has an overlay of a garden, complete with the locations of different vegetables and the amount of wood he'll need for the fence. He doesn't know what times of the year you can plant certain things, but it's spring so he figures they could start with something anyway. He puts down his pencil and looks around. A few orchard trees would be nice too. 

His stomach grumbles. And _speaking_ of food. He sighs. He doesn't think there's very much food left in the icebox, but he knows there are a lot of cans and bags of things in Negan's pantry. Rick hums and quickly makes a shopping list for Negan, including seeds and some other provisions. He chews on the pencil, trying to make sure he hasn't missed anything, but he's pretty sure he didn't. 

Rick closes the book with a yawn and then stretches. The cats hop off of him and yawn and stretch themselves. He smiles. 

"Come on, you guys," he says as he stands up and makes his way back into the house. The animals follow him, but the cats stop outside the door, choosing instead to climb along the porch banister or back up on the awning. They flick their tails lazily and purr in the evening light. 

Rick hangs his hat up, puts the book onto the dining table, and goes looking to see what they have left to eat. Lucille follows him inside, kicking the front door closed behind her, and watches him as he looks. He hums as he checks the icebox and glances to the pantry shelves. There are some potatoes and onions in bags on the floor. Perfect. 

It's not long before he's made some baked potatoes and carrots for himself in the oven. He pours himself a glass of milk with the remaining that they have, grabs an interesting looking dime novel from the bookshelf, and sits down at the dining table to eat and read. Lucille goes over and sits next to him, placing her head in his lap and whining. She looks up at him with large eyes. She has no idea what he's made, but she wants some.

Rick laughs softly and pets her as he eats. "Lucille, I don't have any more meat for you, besides some of that jerky…" He looks into the cupboard. He doesn't think there's much there though. "And I don't think you want any of these potatoes. Vegetables aren't good for dogs."

Lucille huffs and pulls away from him. _Fine_. She'll just go _hunt_ like she's some kind of _animal_. She turns and saunters away from him, getting the front door open with her snout and heading into the woods.

Rick snorts, smiling. Okay, then. He shakes his head and finishes dinner as he reads. He cleans up when he's done and then grabs the poncho that was sitting on the arm of the sofa, pulling it over his head to ward off the chill outside. He also grabs some thick socks from the pile of clothes Negan brought him, brushing his feet off before pulling them on and shivering. Well that feels better. He looks around and grabs a lamp with some oil and lights that as well; it's getting dark and he doesn't want to be left with no light to see. He goes outside and puts the lamp on the table before sitting in the farthest rocking chair on the porch. He puts his feet up, rubs his hands together in the cold, and continues reading _the Exploits and Adventures of Buffalo Bill_.

The barn cats have gone back to the barn by the time he comes outside, and are catching mice for supper and curling up in the hay for warmth.

About half an hour later, Lucille trots out of the woods, her muzzle bloody. When Rick sees her, snout blood red and dripping, he jerks in surprise. She comes up onto the porch and lays at his feet, licking her teeth clean. She had managed to find a of couple rabbits for dinner and is feeling nice and full.

Rick grimaces. "Find something you like there?" he asks her, cautiously scritching her behind her ears. It's times like these when he remembers how big and vicious she really is. Or _can be_ at least. He leans back again and looks out into the woods, somewhat comforted that she likes him and is here with him. He knows if anything else dangerous came out of that forest - besides maybe a man with a shotgun - she would be a solid force between him and it. He continues reading, his hand in her fur. 

The sun sinks down over the horizon as another hour passes. The sky turns a beautiful pinkish orange before fading into dark purple dotted with twinkling stars. 

As soon as the last of the sunlight fades, Negan stirs. 

He blinks his eyes open as he stretches his arms up and over his head. Humming, he looks around. Rick's not there, not that he's surprised, but neither is Lucille, and he finds himself feeling melancholy waking up alone like this. He sighs and gets up, going into the kitchen. No one's there so he goes out onto the porch. He spots Rick in a rocking chair with a lantern next to him and a book in his hands. He smiles at the human. "Evening," he greets, leaning in the doorway.

Rick had heard Negan get up, and so had a little time to calm his beating heart before he stepped out onto the porch. He looks up slightly as he does so and wets his lips.

"Evening," he returns, looking into the forest and waiting for Negan to continue speaking, as he's wont to do. 

Negan comes towards him. "Did you sleep well?" he asks, standing next to Rick's legs that are propped up on the porch railing. Rick's about to answer when Negan trails a finger down the leg closest to him, running from Rick's ankle to just above his knee.

"Uhhhhhh…" Rick laughs nervously and takes his feet off the railing, face going red at the contact. He swallows hard. "Y-yeah I slept okay," he says, ducking his head a little and clutching the book on his lap. 

Negan smiles and steps closer. "Good. I'm glad." He reaches out to place a hand on Rick's shoulder, making Rick take a steadying breath. "Feel free to join me in bed anytime you want, alright?" He squeezes Rick's shoulder beneath his hand, tilting his head, and Rick makes a small noise of surprise, heart beating quick again.

_Join him in his bed?_

" _Uh…_ Uh-huh. Yeah. Thanks." He glances up at Negan for a second and smiles tensely. He doesn't know how to react to that. He looks down and swallows. He supposes it's not a bad thing to know that Negan wants him in his bed, even if he doesn't have any intention in the near future to take him up on it. Why _would_ he? 

Rick takes a breath and licks his lips. 

Negan watches him, and then leans down and lays a soft kiss to his temple. He can't help but think that Rick's _cute_ when he's flustered. Rick probably thinks he's going to _ravish him_ , which almost makes him laugh.

At the kiss, Rick shivers, nearly whining. His heart beats hard in his chest and he has to concentrate on taking even breaths. But… it is nice, he can't deny it. 

Negan straightens back up, leaving his hand on Rick's shoulder. "So, what did you do all day? Did you eat?"

Rick's mood blackens almost immediately and he has to resist the urge to hiss. Why does he always ask that? "Yeah, I ate." He tries not to sound annoyed. "I think we might be running out of food here though. I uh, wrote a grocery list." 

Negan perks up. "Oh! Well, let me see it. I can run tonight and pick up stuff." He looks down and nudges Lucille with his foot. "I know this one is out of meat for sure. She'll start begging for anything if I don't get her more." He chuckles when Lucille gives him a look at his comment and Rick laughs softly, looking between them.

"Oh, and let me get your measurements before I leave so I can pick you up clothes as well," Negan says, thinking about what he needs to buy at the store.

Rick's eyebrows draw together. His _measurements?_

"My-my _what_?" He can't be serious. "I—I— I have clothes." He looks down at himself. "This is fine. What— there's nobody here anyway." He looks around into the darkening woods. "Who—who do I need dressing up for?" He swallows. 

Negan cocks his head and moves his hand from Rick's shoulder up to his cheek. He was talking to him just last night about buying more clothes. Sure, Rick had fought him a little on it then too, but he eventually acquiesced. 

Rick exhales and straightens at the hand on his cheek. He blinks. Then he's looking up at Negan, into his now comforting brown eyes. 

"Rick," Negan speaks softly. "I _want_ to buy you more clothes for your own comfort. So you can always have a clean shirt, so to speak. If you wish to dress up for someone, you can do so for _me_ …" he says, leaning back down and purring the words. 

"Right, right," Rick says, not totally processing what Negan's saying. He glances down. "Yeah, I know that."

 

"…but don't feel pressured to look nice…" Negan trails his fingers up, pushing back some of Rick's hair to tuck it behind his ear. Rick swallows, and his face goes a little more red. "…just on my behalf."

Rick swallows, and nods, and clears his throat. "Yeah. Yeah." He exhales and wets his lip, avoiding Negan's eye. The vampire smiles and lets his hand fall to softly run his knuckle under Rick's chin, and Rick's mouth opens slightly. It tickles a little bit. 

"Come on, then," he says. "Let me see your list and find my measuring tape. The store stays open for me, but not that late." Rick's eyes rest on him heavily as he talks. Then he nods and blinks as if shaking away a dream as Negan stands back up and goes towards the front door. 

"Right. Sure." Of course, the stores wouldn't be open that late. It makes sense. 

Rick gets his book and the lantern and follows Negan inside. Negan goes to the cupboard in the corner of the kitchen and starts sifting through the odds and ends he has in there. He hums. He knows he has a measuring tape somewhere… 

Rick shivers at the cold interior of the cabin as he closes the door. He puts the book on the dining table and watches Negan go to the cabinet. Lucille follows the men inside and goes to stand in front of the extinguished fireplace. She looks to Rick and whines, pawing at the brick. 

"What—?" Rick says, turning to look at her. "Oh." He sighs and goes to her, petting her before kneeling down and grabbing some firewood and kindling. He sets the fire up and lights it, then stokes and makes sure it starts burning properly. "There we go," he says, relaxing to soak up the warmth. Lucille barks and licks Rick's face in thanks and he laughs, petting her with a smile as she lays down in front of the fire to soak up the heat as well. 

Negan stands in the corner, watching with a fond smile, measuring tape in hand. He's glad that Rick and Lucille are getting along so well. At least if Rick never warms up to him, he can always find comfort in Lucille. 

Negan goes closer to the two. "She says 'thank you'," he translates.

Rick nods. "Yeah… I know," he says softly, looking at her again. He strokes her black fur before the heat begins to make him uncomfortable. He takes the poncho off and stands up, folding it over the arm of the couch again. 

"Okay. How are we going to do this?" He wets his lips and looks at Negan warily. He's going to trust this man right now and he doesn't entirely know why. 

"Well…" Negan looks Rick up and down and unfurls the measuring tape. "You just have to stand there and look pretty, Rick," he says with a small smirk. "Not too hard." Rick's makes a face, unimpressed - but he's also a tiny bit pleased at Negan's words. He would never in a million years admit that he liked the idea of being called 'pretty' - but he couldn't deny to himself that hearing it is… nice.

Negan's about to move closer when he suddenly realizes. "Oh, one second." 

Rick watches in amusement as Negan wraps the measuring tape around his neck and goes into the bedroom. Rick crosses his arms and taps a finger on one as he waits. 

Negan grabs a sketchbook and a pencil before going back out. He flips the book open to a blank page and begins making a list. "Neck, shoulder, arm, chest, waist, inseam…" he mumbles as he writes. He finishes and sets the book open to the page on the couch. He looks up at Rick. "Alright, c'mere." He points to the spot on the floor right in front of him and Rick steps up to where he indicates and sighs, watching him. 

"Arms up." Negan reaches out and taps his crossed arms. Rick unfolds his arms and does as asked, sighing. "Out at your side. I'm going to measure your shoulders and arm length first." Negan slides the measuring tape off his own shoulders and finds the end that starts with "1". Rick shifts his fingers and looks at the tape measure in Negan's hands as if it's a particularly nasty instrument of torture. 

Negan places the end of the tape where Rick's neck meets his shoulder. He holds it there and pulls the rest of the tape down to the end of his shoulder. Checking the number, he turns and writes it down on his sheet before popping the pencil sideways into his mouth so he can hold onto it. Rick's eyes follow Negan's movements, and then he's staring at the pencil in his mouth as Negan moves around. Rick swallows. 

As Negan slides the tape through his fingers to measure Rick's arm length, he also moves his hand over Rick's arm. Rick shivers, and Negan checks the number at his wrist and writes that down too. He measures Rick's neck next, the tape circling right above the collar still locked on him. 

Rick straightens and warms uncomfortably, and he keeps his eyes on the far wall, eyebrows drawn, when Negan's cold fingers linger on his throat for a moment before he writes down the measurement.

"Am I gonna get a say in these new clothes?" Rick asks coolly. Though he knows it doesn't matter what he wears here, he doesn't think he exactly trusts Negan's own preferences when it comes to clothes. What if he makes him wear something… revealing? Rick grits his teeth. He hadn't even thought of that. This is probably all a ploy to get him to wear some strange garments he wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. 

"Sure, just add to the list you made. I'll get you whatever you'd like." Negan turns back around from writing the last measurement, and puts the pencil back in his mouth between his teeth. 

"Okay…" Rick says dubiously.

"But I'm also gonna get you whatever _I'd_ like," he says, oddly understandable through the writing instrument in his mouth.

Rick stares at Negan coolly. "Doesn't mean I'm gonna wear what you want, though," he says, looking away and smirking just a tiny bit. He's not being serious - he'd do whatever the man told him to do to keep his kids fed and housed - but he likes saying it anyway. 

Negan rolls his eyes, not taking Rick's words to heart. He steps even closer then, slipping his left arm underneath Rick's right and the same on the opposite side, like he's about to hug him. Rick gasps softly, and Negan has to hide a smirk when he can hear Rick's heartbeat speed up. Negan's quick to pass the end of the measuring tape from one hand to the next so he can step back and wrap it around Rick's chest. 

Oh. Rick exhales in relief. That's what he's doing. Okay.

"Arm's down," Negan says, positioning the tape around the widest point of Rick's chest and mentally remembering the number before sliding the tape to circle around his waist. Rick bites his lip. That tickles, too. 

Negan gets the number for Rick's waist measurement and turns, holding the tape against Rick's stomach so that it doesn't fall, and writes his chest and waist down on the sheet. He turns back and shimmies the tape down, getting Rick's hip measurement.

Rick coughs as Negan moves the tape around. It _tickles_ \- and he can't stop the soft, sharp exhale he makes - the shadow of grimacing laughter as his lips pull up into a soft snarl - when Negan moves it down to his hips. 

"Are you _almost_ finished?" he asks, teeth just clicking together as he looks at Negan sidelong. 

Negan chuckles softly. He heard that exhale, and he's pretty sure he knows just what it's from. The urge to sink his fingers into Rick's soft sides and tickle him to breathlessness is strong, but he holds it back and locks the knowledge away for another time. 

"Almost, almost," he says, dropping one side of the tape and pulling on the other to bring the whole thing back around to the front. He writes down Rick's hip circumference before he kneels down in front of him. Tapping on Rick's knee, Negan looks up at him. "Step apart a couple inches for me, would you? I need your inseam."

Rick grumbles. Uh-huh, of course he does. But Rick does as Negan asks, crossing his arms again and trying to look disinterested. 

Negan hums as he places the end of the tape at the top of Rick's inseam, trying to avoid touching any _sensitive_ areas on him, and then slides his hand down it to Rick's ankle.

"Can I have my boots back by the way?" Rick asks with a sigh. "And my pocketwatch." He looks down at Negan, his mouth an unhappy line. 

"Your boots are in my room, under my bed. I'm not keeping 'em from you." Negan writes down the next measurement. 

"Oh," Rick says, feeling stupid for not looking there. "Okay. Thanks."

Negan shifts around on his knees to get to Rick's side, holding the tape to his outer hip and measuring down to his ankle. He writes that length down before standing up. "As for your pocket watch," he says, reaching into the inner breast pocket of his shirt. "Here." He pulls out the watch and holds it out. "Now, turn around."

Rick's mouth drops open. He takes the watch gratefully, turning it's intricately patterned gold exterior around to make sure it's alright. "Thank you," he says as he turns. He opens it with a click and sees that it's still ticking. Might be a little slow, though. "Do you have a watch yourself?" he asks, wanting to compare the times. "I might need to wind this one, unless you did that." 

Negan stretches the tape across the top of Rick's back, measuring his shoulder width. "No, I haven't had a watch for a very long time." 

Rick scoffs in disgust and shakes his head. No watch? Well then how will he wind this one? Negan chuckles and writes the number down, moving to measure from the top of Rick's spine down to his tailbone. Rick shifts up and grits his teeth when Negan's hands get near his lower back. 

"I think I lost the last one I had during a war in France." Negan writes down the last measurement and tears the page out of his book. 

Rick's nose scrunches up. _The war in France?_ What the hell? "Which ah.. which war was that?" he asks, trying to be nonchalant and probably failing. He remembers something about roses from the short amount of time he was taught history. They didn't get into much European history.

"Time becomes… obsolete when you can't die," Negan says, melancholy, not answering Rick's question just yet. "Months pass like seconds. Years like minutes." He shrugs. 

"Right, right." Rick sighs. _Nothing matters when you're immortal,_ blah blah. 

"Plus, when you're only awake at night, who cares what hour it is." He snorts a laugh.

Rick laughs wryly at the mention of Negan's nocturnal schedule. "Yeah I guess that makes sense." 

"I'm done. You can turn around." Negan folds his paper with the measurements in half and sticks it into his pocket.

Rick doesn't think it much matters what time it is for him either, but it still feels weird not being able to tell what time it is. He feels like it matters more than it actually does. He hums. "We need a sundial or something here then," he says with a laugh. He's tempted to ask Negan to take his watch into town and wind it there… 

"Sundial, hmm? Perhaps," Negan says, tapping his chin with the pencil. He almost does wonder what time it is now. Usually on nights he goes to town, he leaves as soon as he wakes up. He's going to have to run there tonight to make sure they're still open for him.

"Hey, by the way, do you have a _Farmer's Almanac_ by any chance?" Rick asks as an afterthought. If he's going to be planting things then he needs that. He sighs and puts his watch in his pocket, crossing his arms.

"No, I don't have one… put it on your list." Negan sets his sketchbook and pencil down on the dining table. 

"Right, my list." Rick sighs. Then he remembers the letters. Dammit. He doesn't want Negan _checking them over_ when he's in a rush. Not that he included anything incriminating, but the man could just veto certain parts because he's not thinking clearly. 

Rick grabs his book from the dining table and opens it to his list. He rips it out and then writes down the almanac. On it so far are some seeds he thinks he might need and some groceries… 

"As for the war I lost my watch in…" Negan goes around to the bookshelf that stands against the wall opposite his storage room. He runs his finger over a few of the dusty tomes before plucking out a history book. He could hear the skepticism in Rick's voice when he asked about the war, and he's amused that Rick still doesn't seem to believe that he's a age-old vampire. Did he forget about the blood drinking? Does he know that if a human did that, they'd die? 

He brings the book back to Rick who looks at it curiously. He opens it to a bookmarked page. "Here. Educate yourself."

"Oh. Thanks." Rick takes it and looks at the page that's bookmarked. It looks like it's about… the Seven Years War. 

Negan goes to grab his boots and satchel in the bedroom.

"So…" Rick says, earmarking the page and holding the book in his arms. "I drafted a few letters… Maybe you could look them over when you get back?" Rick wants them sent out _tonight_ , but Negan's in a rush so that's not going to happen. 

Negan's slipping on his boots as Rick mentions the letters. He'd been wondering if Rick'd written any, surprised it wasn't the first thing he'd mentioned. He throws his satchel over his shoulder and comes back out. "Sure, I can look at them when I get back, and then deliver them before dawn." He holds his hand out for Rick's list. "I'd look at them now, but the stores aren't going to stay open for very much longer, and I'd like to get what I can tonight."

"Yeah yeah, of course," Rick says, handing Negan the list. "Thanks. That would be great if you could do that," he says sincerely, referring to him going back to town later that night. He leans against the table and crosses his arms. "Uh… so I put some seeds on there for a garden. But I don't know exactly what would be the best to grow right now. If you can, maybe ask Maggie or Glenn at the general store what to buy. They would know." Rick scratches his head and looks down. He sniffs and re-crosses his arms. He doesn't like that he has to ask Negan to do all this. He doesn't like that he can't leave. 

Negan scans down the list, nodding at Rick's words. It's fairly normal stuff on the list; food, seeds, a toothbrush. He takes the measurement list out of his pocket and puts the two pages together. "You didn't specify any clothes," he says, smirking gently. "You want to add something, or trust my judgement?" He holds the list back out.

Rick takes the list back and grimaces. "Can you please just get me some normal stuff. Shirts, pants, whatever. _Regular_ colors. Browns, that kind of thing. Please." He grits his teeth and feels himself going red. "Are you going to remember what I put on here?" he asks dubiously as an afterthought as he holds the list, but also trying to steer the conversation away from clothes. 

Negan chuckles and holds his hand out again. "I was giving it to you to write down your clothes, but alright. I got it," he says, and Rick goes even more red. 

Lucille whines from her spot on the couch, swishing her tail back and forth, and Negan looks over at her. "Yes, yes. I'm going to pick you up some meat too. Calm down." 

Lucille barks and pants happily and Rick looks over at her, annoyed. 

Negan takes the list back. "Yes, I want it. Thank you," he says, a little stiffly. He puts the list with the measurements page and folds them together, putting them in his pocket. He checks that his wallet is still in his satchel and that he's got everything he needs. 

"Alright, I'll be back in maybe an hour or so," he says. He looks to Lucille. "You're in charge, girl." 

Rick rolls his eyes and Lucille barks. 

Negan looks back to him and smiles. "Read up on some history while I'm gone, yeah?" 

"Uh-huh," Rick says flatly, and then Negan puts his hands on Rick's shoulders and leans forward, placing a soft kiss to his forehead. Rick makes a small noise and warms. Oh, god.

"I'll be back soon."

"Alright." Rick clears his throat. "Don't die out there," he says with a chuckle. "Who'll tell Lucille I can leave?" 

Negan looks at Rick for a moment, almost in shock. Is… is Rick telling a joke? Was that a laugh? Negan grins and barks out a laugh, patting Rick's cheek fondly. Rick smiles around a grimace and flinches when Negan pats him. Okay, okay.

"I'll do my best," Negan says. "If I'm not back in a week, you can leave." He winks and chucks Rick under the chin softly. Rick hums and Negan goes out the door. 

" _Only_ a week?" he asks, his eyebrows drawn together as he crosses his arms and leans in the doorway. "Sure you don't wanna trap me here for a month in case of your accidental demise?" He chuckles again, though his eyes are dark and cool. 

Negan turns when he gets to the end of the porch steps and enters into the moonlight that washes over the yard. He grins, his teeth gleaming in the light of the moon. "You wouldn't last a month by yourself," he says ominously, and Rick scoffs and rolls his eyes. Yeah that’s why he would leave before then no matter _what_ Negan said. 

In the distant woods, a wolf howls, and Rick shivers. 

Still grinning, Negan turns and goes past the front gate, passing through and entering onto the road. He waits until the house is out of view before he crouches down and plants his feet, digging his toes into the dirt. He takes in a breath and takes off in a sprint towards town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ The three barn cats were brought to you by RanebowStitches! ^ヮ^ ]


	10. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick decides what the best course of action is to stay in touch with his kids, and Negan makes slow progress in getting Rick to trust him more.

Rick watches until he can't see Negan in the darkness anymore before he glances around the yard, and then closes and bolts the door. Negan should really leave him with a gun when he's here alone. It's the least he can do, considering Lucille can't protect him from _everything_. 

Rick sighs and gives Lucille a pet before stoking the fire and then filling the stove with wood to help warm the place up. Next, he goes looking in the pantry and finds some tea. He fills up a kettle with water from the jug before he sets that on the stove. He finds some sugar in the pantry and when the water's boiling he spoons a few scoops of tea into the pot and lets it steep. He cleans up a bit while he waits and once it's done he pours the tea into a tin mug and adds the sugar. 

He smiles as he takes a sip. He really doesn't drink tea at all - preferring coffee most of the time - but his Ma had drunk it a lot and they'd sat together under the stars on more than a few evenings with cups of it. Her family had been from England, so that's why she liked it, she’d said. 

Rick sighs and grabs the history book Negan'd given him. 

"Alright, let's see..." Rick settles down on the sofa next to Lucille. He tries to sit lying across it but it doesn't work with the way the couch is made, and the wooden armrests dig into his neck. He grunts. "Lucille," he says, looking at the wolf, "How does Negan ever get comfortable on this thing?" 

She wags her tail and he laughs and sighs, giving her a rub as he attempts to figure out a comfortable position. Lucille snorts at him, leaning into his pets and listening to his complaints. She barks softly and scoots herself against the armrest that he'd just tried to lay against, and he laughs again. She barks again, pawing at the couch next to her. _Use me,_ she seems to say.

"Hey, hey, what're you…" He pets her before he realizes what she's doing and then he laughs again. "Really? Okay…" He leans in close to her face affectionately and then kisses her head. "You're so sweet," he says, before settling back up against her, enjoying the heat and softness. 

He soon settles into the book, skipping around in it before giving a cursory look at the pages Negan marked. He hums and flips through it, reading various sections and articles and getting up to stoke the fire every so often before settling down again. 

The night deepens as he reads up on fascinating world history he had scarcely any idea of, scratching Lucille absently and drinking tea as the fire crackles comfortingly in the hearth. 

...

Negan reaches the town in a little over fifteen minutes. He only slows to a normal walking speed when the buildings are within sight, which would mean that _he_ is within sight. There are a few people still out, but it's as it is any night he visits. Mostly vacant. A lot of lanterns. 

He makes his way to the butcher first, greeting Abraham who's doing bookkeeping in a small notebook. The red-haired man looks almost relieved to see him; like he was afraid he had stayed open late for nothing. He puts down his pencil and greets Negan warmly, asking what can he do for him this evening.

Negan picks out a few choice cuts of meat plus some of the scraps. It's a usual order for him, and a heavy weight in Abraham's wallet. It's these nights Negan comes in that the butcher remembers why he stays open late. 

Abraham individually wraps all of the meat tight in butcher paper and ties them with twine, stacking them on the counter. Then he wraps all of the cuts together into one package, tying it so that there's a loop at the top. He rings Negan up and wishes him a good night as Negan picks up the package by the loop and goes back into the night.

Negan steps onto the dirt road and travels the short distance to the general store. He's greeted by Maggie as per usual when he goes up to the counter, flashing her his signature grin. He takes out his list and tells her what he needs, including a block of ice that he knows is in the cellar out back. He also asks for a mail order catalogue to look through. 

He flips through the catalogue as Maggie gathers the groceries and notions that Rick requested. He fills out the order form that comes inside the catalogue, ordering Rick a pair of pegged calf boots, a black wool vest, a silk vest in green, a black cassimere suit with a matching frock coat, black doeskin pants, two pairs of brown denim pants, two brown cotton shirts, a white cotton shirt, two pairs of grey drawers, a couple gardening books, a bottle of California grape brandy, New England rum, blackberry wine, and a french underbust corset. 

He looks over his purchases and adds up the total cost, writing it at the bottom of the form and on the list he brought. He seals the form in the envelope Maggie'd given him and addresses it. He's buying a book of stamps from her as well, so he uses one on the envelope. 

Maggie's still collecting his things when he's finished, so he walks around the store examining the self-service wares. He finds a stack of long nightshirts and cotton drawers. He grabs one of each and goes back to the counter.

Maggie checks him out, collecting his money for the purchases from her as well as his mail-order items, which she promises to mail out tomorrow for him. He thanks her, collects his groceries and odds and ends, places them in his satchel, grabs his meat, and says goodbye. He picks up his ice from around back and thanks Glenn for getting it for him.

He walks out of town about forty minutes after he arrives. He waits until he can't see any of the buildings anymore before he breaks into a quick jog. He doesn't go his full speed, not wanting to hurt his purchases, but it's enough to get him home quicker than walking. 

He slows as he passes through the front gate, making his way up the porch stairs and pushing on the door. He grunts when it doesn't move, and he realizes it's bolted. He snorts and knocks. "Rick, I'm back," he calls out.

Inside, Rick startles up, nearly dropping the book in the process. He hadn't even heard the vampire on the porch. 

"Yeah, coming!" he calls, only slightly annoyed at being disturbed. He sits up and puts the book down with a yawn and a stretch before getting up and unbolting the door. He opens it to let Negan in. "Sorry. Paranoia, you know," he says with a little laugh as he meets Negan's eye, and then glances down at his full satchel. 

Negan shrugs a shoulder at him and smiles. "It's alright. I'd rather you’d be safe than not," he says as he comes in. 

Rick's eyebrows draw together. That's strange. That Negan wants him to be safe. Rick closes the door and bolts it again. He feels stupid for doing so with Negan right here but, well, who knows what's out there…

Negan goes to the icebox, placing the new ice and the meat inside, and then steps to the dining table, taking his stuffed satchel off his shoulder and setting it down. Rick watches with interest, a little curious what he bought. 

"Alright, let's see what we got here, hm?" Negan chuckles as he begins emptying his bag, pulling out the food Rick requested, the toothbrush, the _Almanac_ —

Rick takes it as soon as he sees it and starts flipping through, looking for the planting section.

Then Negan takes out the nightshirt and drawers, and Rick stops and warms. _Oh, Jesus._ He groans, but can't deny that he was longing for something to wear at night.

Negan takes out everything else Rick had on his list, and also a small bag of candy. Negan looks at him and gestures to it all as if wondering if Rick likes it. 

Rick makes a face at the candy. He'd seen the bag in the pantry and Negan's offered him some before. Does the vampire think he _wants_ all that? 

"Negan… what's with all the sugar?" He feels like there's an obvious explanation for it, but that doesn't seem likely. It seems _crazy_.

Negan gives Rick a small, somewhat guilty smile. "Ah, it's a treat? It still tastes good, right?" he says, trying to feign innocence. "I haven't eaten any for a very long time…" He looks at the candy with almost longing in his eyes.

Rick narrows his eyes, and then sighs. "I don't eat candy. Not a lot. I like it, sure, but… you want it for the taste, right?" He makes a face, feeling faintly nauseous when he thinks about it. He knows that's really what it's for. But it's such an absurd thought that candy would make his blood taste better. 

Negan looks away, rubbing the back of his neck. If he could blush, he would. "I- uh…" He winces a little and then deflates. "Yeah." He reaches for the bag of candy, picking it up and turning it in his hands. "I used to eat sweets all the time. I have what you might call a sweet tooth," he says, chuckling softly. 

Rick looks at Negan dubiously, amused and curious, but also a little annoyed. He holds the _Almanac_ in his hand tighter.

"But I… I'm not actually sure it'll work," Negan says, and Rick looks at him incredulously. Negan glances to him hesitantly. Various potent foods do affect the taste of blood, and everyone has a distinct taste to themselves, but he'd never tried to purposefully alter someone's blood flavor. He feels embarrassed that he'd tried to trick Rick into it, but he's afraid that now that Rick knows, he won't eat what he'd got him… and he _really_ wants to taste it. 

"Will you, please, just eat a couple pieces a day? Just until I feed again? I... I want to know if it works," he says, looking up at Rick pleadingly.

Rick groans. "But you don't even know if it'll work." He laughs coldly. "How do you not know? Haven't you noticed that the… taste…" he purses his lips, "is different, depending on the person?" He's staying calm about this but he feels underlying frustration and anger that Negan's acting so innocent. It really is just candy, but he resents Negan's act and how he's expected to comply out of what… guilt? _Uh-huh._

Negan runs a hand through his hair and huffs a small laugh. "Everyone does taste different, yes, but I've only ever had very strong foods actually do anything, and it's only if the person eats it almost daily… Different regions also taste different. Europe is very fishy—" Rick huffs a soft laugh, "—while here in America it's very… uh… bold?" 

Rick chuckles in amusement and shakes his head. _Bold_. 

Negan hums and taps his chin. He likes hearing Rick laugh. He hopes he'll get to hear it more as their time together goes on. "Robust?" he tries again, shaking his head. "It's something to do with all the red meat y'all eat."

"We do eat a lotta red meat," Rick admits, and Negan laughs softly.

"Yes, you do…" he says, before looking down at the candy in his hand. "I've just… never tasted sweet before." His mouth waters for the sugar in his hand. He can smell it through the bag and he almost whines. God, how he misses it. 

Rick, curious, watches Negan look down at the bag. "And what about sugar in tea, huh?" he asks. "Would that be the same?" He glances at his mug of tea on the floor under the couch.

"I suppose any sugar would work really." Negan sets down the candy bag. "I just figured you'd like candy most." He shrugs. He doesn't tell Rick he was also planning on baking a few cakes and pies. "I'd like to see if it works, if you really don't mind. I'm not asking you to drown yourself in sugar, just... a little here and there for the next month."

Rick huffs softly. "Uh-huh, well, I'll try, okay?" he says, calm again as he looks at Negan. Jesus, what was happening? Here he was, being kept away from his kids and willingly giving blood to a monster, and now he's agreeing to eat candy so he tastes better? Something was seriously wrong with him. 

Then again, being agreeable could only help his case when he tries to bargain for things later on. He sighs. 

Negan lights up at Rick's acquiescence, beaming at him. "Okay! Yes! Thank you!" 

Rick smiles awkwardly but then Negan pulls him into a tight hug, arms around his shoulders. Rick's eyes widen and his mouth opens in surprise. He drops the _Almanac_ and sighs, closing his eyes. He would never admit how much he likes this.

"Thank you so much," Negan says, leaning back slightly to press a kiss to Rick's forehead and then to his cheek. Rick makes a small noise when Negan kisses him, _twice_ , then pulls him back in and holds him tight. 

Rick can't help the small whimper at that, in pleasure, but also because Negan's squeezing him _tight_. 

Negan sighs, loving the noises Rick makes just from the simplest of touches. It really isn't helping him keep his hands off, if that's something that Rick wants, anyway. From his reactions, Negan thinks he might be wooing him.

Rick smiles, somewhat tiredly, where Negan can't see, and hugs back just a bit. "Uh-huh, no problem."

Negan sighs again. _Fantastic_.

Negan pulls back from the hug, but cups Rick's face in his hands for a moment before tucking some loose strands of hair behind Rick's ear. Rick looks at him dazedly and he smiles. "It means a lot, Rick. It does. Thank you." He lets his hands fall to Rick's shoulders and then slide to his upper arms, squeezing him lightly. 

Rick exhales a little in surprise and can't help the slight quickening of his heart. "You're welcome," he says softly, a light blush rising to his cheeks. 

Negan gives Rick a pleased smile before he nods back to the table. "Check over the rest of what I got ya," he says softly. 

Rick nods and takes a breath. "Yeah, yeah." He gets the _Almanac_ off the floor and puts it on the dining table. Next, he looks over the cans and vegetables approvingly, and gives a quick look at the toothbrush as well as the night clothes, hoping his face isn't too red. "Thank you for all this," he says. "It's helpful." He looks into Negan's eyes with genuine thanks and gives him a nod and another smile. At least his kidnapper is amenable? 

Negan smiles back and rests his hand on Rick's upper back, rubbing small circles. "You're welcome. It's my pleasure, really."

Rick drops his eyes when Negan rubs his back. It feels nice. He swallows and shifts just a little closer. 

Negan reaches into his pocket with his hand that's not on Rick and pulls out the list. "I wrote down what Maggie said about the in-season seeds. I also bought in and out of season so you'd have those when you needed them," he explains, settings the list down by the seeds.

"Oh, thank you," Rick says with eyebrows drawn. "That's helpful." He glances at the packets and the list, eager to read it and see what he can plant now. 

"I'm excited to see this garden of yours, Rick. It'll be nice to see my land be used for something other than burying bones." Negan shoots a pointed look at Lucille who huffs at him from the couch.

Rick laughs awkwardly. That statement would be a lot more ominous if he hadn't looked at his dog right after. 

"Yeah, I'm… I'm excited, too," he says with a small smile. "Be nice to have something to do around here." Something that's _his_ , so he doesn't have to rely on Negan for basic provisions. "I'm thinking… we might need some lumber for the planting beds, and we can maybe split some wood here for the fence, to keep the little - and big - critters out." He gives a little huff with a smile as he looks into Negan's warm brown eyes. 

Negan nods at Rick's words, excited that he seems so happy about this. He's even smiling at him. And looking at him! Negan almost wonders if the feeling blooming in his chest is his dead heart trying to flutter. He beams back. "Yeah, that sounds doable. I can cut down trees if you want. Just tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it."

"Okay, sounds good," Rick says, smiling back at Negan cautiously. Then Lucille whines and barks softly from the couch. Negan rolls his eyes at her. "You can't guard it all the time. You sleep more than half the day!" 

Lucille snorts and rubs at her snout with her paw. 

"Well, sure while you're awake you can, but when you're not there, it's gonna need a fence." 

Lucille boofs and rolls over onto her back on the couch, wagging her tail.

Rick raises his eyebrows and chuckles under his breath. 

"Don't mind her," Negan says, looking back at him, a playful gleam in his eyes. Rick gives him a small smile and looks away.

"I think I might also need a shovel," he says, "and some basic gardening tools… I don't know if you have any of that? I'm also not sure about the soil, but I'll… take a look at it and let you know if we need fertilizer or anything." 

Negan hums, tapping his chin. "I know I have a shovel. You're gonna have to poke around the barn for anything else though, because I can't remember. If I don't, just make me a list." He shrugs, tracing shapes along Rick's upper back with the hand that's still there.

"Okay," Rick says, aware of what Negan's doing and unsure if he likes it or not. He sighs. "Well, let me put this away and then I have those letters you’ll probably want to look over." He frowns. He hadn't really thought about it that much when he was writing them but, especially his letter to Carl, he doesn't care for Negan reading. But he doesn't really have a choice, now does he? He gives Negan a smile and extracts himself from his grip, putting the _Almanac_ on the dining table and starting to put everything away. 

Negan nods, his hand falling to his side when Rick pulls away. "I picked up stamps, too," he says, motioning with his chin to them on the table. "I'm just going to sneak them into tomorrow's delivery at the post office, but, you know, to make them look legitimate." He shrugs. 

Rick snorts. "Alright, well, that's one way to do it," he says. "At least they're still technically being paid." He chuckles.

Negan huffs a laugh. "Exactly. Did you want to rewrite them in ink?" He goes towards the bedroom but stops at the door and looks back at Rick.

"Uh, yeah. That would probably be best…" 

It would make more sense to send them in ink. Less likely to be tampered with, however unlikely that is. He wonders for a second if _Negan_ would do that, but he dismisses the thought. He can't see why he would. 

"Alright," Negan says, and once in the bedroom he shuffles around in the art supplies he's got in the corner, moving aside a canvas and finding his box of inkwells and feather quills. He grabs those and a couple pages of nicer paper before he goes back out. He sets the paper, quills, and ink down on the dining table. "There you are."

Rick chuckles under his breath at the feather quills, and Negan perks up slightly. Rick takes one and spins it around in his fingers. "Thank you… How old are these?" he asks, gentle amusement in the turn of his lips as he looks up at him.

Negan looks to the swan feather quills and hums softly, squinting. "Uh… only about a hundred years or so. Not that old really." He shrugs. He'd actually only used them once or twice in the time that he'd carried them around, so they were pretty well kept.

Rick's head drops down and his eyes widen. _Only_ about a hundred years? He laughs. "Wow. That's amazing." He looks them over closely. The white feathers are slightly yellowed and stiff, but they seem to be in good condition still. 

Negan shrugs, but he smiles softly, proud that he's seemed to impress him. If Rick thinks hundred-year-old feathers are neat, he can't wait to show him some _really_ old stuff. He wonders if Rick would believe how old he really is. 

Rick's gaze flicks to his drafts. "Okay, well, do you want to look the letters over now?" he asks, sobering. "Before I re-write them in ink." He was trying to push away the reality of what they were going to do, but he can't for very much longer. 

Negan goes over to the letter drafts on the table. His eyes scan down the first one in as quick as a blink. He's not really reading the words, just looking at the letter itself. Rick's handwriting is neat, fairly educated. There are no flourishes to it, and it's slightly messy from nerves or rush, he guesses, but it's nice. 

Rick watches him nervously, and then Negan picks up the letters. Negan leans against the table as he starts reading through them, and, to distract himself, Rick finishes putting away the other stuff Negan got from town. When he's done, he goes back and leans against the chair again, tapping it softly as he watches Negan read. 

Negan skims the letters more than reads them. He looks for his name, either blatant or somehow hidden, but he doesn't see anything. Just words of apology to Rick's children and instructions for what to do while he's gone. The lie they've fabricated of Rick being in another town is well written and convincing. He hums and nods. 

"Alright, good," he says, holding the letters out. "I'll check your rewrites as well. You can sit here to write them." Negan gestures to the chair next to him where the ink and quills are placed.

Rick sighs in relief and takes the letters from Negan, skimming over them again. He pushes off the chair he'd been leaning on and presses his lips together at Negan's words. "Alright," he says, sighing and taking the chair Negan indicated. He sinks into it and then takes the ink bottle, shaking it to unsettle the black liquid before unscrewing it and setting it down. He grabs the feather quill next, wiping the nib off on his shirt and checking the sharpness. Lastly, he gets the new paper Negan brought out and sets it in front of him. He takes a breath. 

Negan can feel the apprehension in the air around Rick. It's a pulsing energy coming off him in waves. Negan hums and steps up behind him. "Take your time, Rick. It's alright," he says, setting his hands down on the human's shoulders and squeezing gently in an attempt to comfort him with touch. 

A shiver courses through Rick's body at Negan's touch, and he exhales softly. Negan's hands seem huge on him, and their cold temperature is strange. Like he's just been outside, except it's warm in the cabin from the twin fires crackling in their grates. He swallows. He wants to sink into that touch. 

"Just breathe and write," Negan says. "You've already written them once. Can't be that hard to write 'em again." He chuckles.

Rick huffs an incredulous laugh. _Yeah_. _Sure_. 

Still, he tries to calm down as he gets the first letter out - to Maggie - and sets it to the left of his working space. He takes the quill and dips it in ink, dragging the nib against the edge of the glass jar to get rid of excess ink while the rest is absorbed into the grooves of the metal farther up. He takes a breath in and out, and starts writing. 

He's slow at first, getting a feel for the quill and being careful to use his same phrasing or slightly altered as he thinks of it in the moment, but soon his pace quickens as he gets used to the process. He still keeps a slower pace than he usually would as he copies from his draft, but he doesn't think it should take that long to complete all three regardless.

Negan stays there behind Rick as he writes, glad that his presence doesn't seem to deter him. He reads Rick's words as he writes them, noting the changes he makes, but it's more for phrasing than anything. 

He likes being close to Rick. Having him under his hands. Feeling his warmth. 

Negan leans forward ever so slowly and hovers his nose above Rick's head. He takes a slow, deep breath in and holds the smell of _Rick_ in his lungs, savoring it. He recalls the memory of the taste of Rick's blood. Hearty, bold, robust. _Rick_.

Rick can feel and hear Negan moving as he writes, leaning into him and inhaling. Rick shivers and has to pause for a second. He closes his eyes and swallows, and then blinks, and then shakily continues writing. His hand evens out after a few moments, and soon he's finished two letters; the second to Carol. 

The last one is to Carl, and he has to fight back tears as he holds it in his hands. He looks at the words again. He tried to sound loving and regretful. He should have sounded awful. Tormented. Because he shouldn't have done this to his son. He _didn't_. 

But it can't be helped, and he forces himself to start on it. 

Negan can feel the shift in mood in Rick as he starts on Carl's letter. Negan does feel horrible taking Rick from his son, but he'd made his choices, and he's sticking to them. He thinks that someday he'll figure out a way for Rick to see his kids again. Maybe give him some 'vacation time' once he's confident the human will come back to him… 

In the meantime, he continues to watch Rick write, kneading his thumbs into Rick's shoulder muscles, trying to massage away some of the tension.

Rick grunts softly as Negan digs his fingers in, but it does help him relax. A little. He takes a few steadying breaths as he writes, and it's not long before he's finished. 

He checks the completed letter then to make sure he got everything. It looks like he did. Well, except for the signature and closing. He looks at the others, which are already signed. He sighs. 

On the letter to Carl, he inks out:

_ever your most loving father,_  
_Rick_

He takes a shaky breath and blows on the ink to dry it. That should be good. 

He sets all three of the letters out and sighs, crossing his arms. "There," he says quietly. 

Negan smiles and slides his hands from Rick's shoulders to his chest, leaning forward and kissing his hair. Rick bites his lip to stop a whimper from slipping out.

"Good job," Negan says. "They look perfect." He brings one hand up to smooth back Rick's hair, and has the sudden desire to wash it. He wants Rick to be clean. "Stamps and envelopes are there," he says, gesturing with his chin. Rick listens to Negan dully, suddenly overcome by sadness. It seems so final, suddenly.

Negan settles his chin on top of Rick's head and wraps his arms around his shoulders, hugging him from behind. Rick takes a deep breath and sniffles softly. He just wishes he could be there with his son and daughter, taking care of them so strangers didn't have to. Who knows what's going on? Who knows how they're feeling?

He feels tears well up and he shifts, trying once again to take slow breaths to calm himself. 

It's nice… having Negan's arms around him. He can pretend the man is some comfort instead of the one causing him all this grief. 

He knows it could be worse. He could be a dead body in the forest right now. Instead, he's writing letters to his friends and family to try and take care of his affairs - _until_ he gets back, he reminds himself. 

So all is not lost. If he's still alive, then there's still hope. 

Negan can hear Rick trying not to fall to pieces beneath him. It breaks his heart, it really does. He knows nothing he says will comfort Rick. He knows he's the cause of the pain. All he can do is keep Rick safe and hope that his touch gives the man some level of comfort.

Rick sniffs and wipes away the tears in his eyes. 

"Shh, shh," Negan hushes softly, moving his face down to kiss at the corner of Rick's eye, tasting the salt, and Rick makes a small, needy noise. Negan rubs his bearded cheek against his, and Rick warms slightly. 

It's… nice. 

"Come on, Rick. Finish the letters. You're almost done, and then I can deliver them," Negan says softly, and Rick swallows and nods.

"Yeah, I know," he says, and takes a slow breath in and out, before shuffling them all together and getting the envelopes. On these he writes in neat cursive the addressees and the towns. He takes the stamps and licks the back before pressing them down on the top right-hand corner of the envelope. 

He pauses. 

"What do I put as the return address?"

_Rick Grimes_  
_Negan's cabin up on the mountain_  
_Desert Springs, California_

He snorts softly. "My name and the town? I said I don't have a fixed address yet and said not to write, so it shouldn't be a problem…"

Negan hums and looks at the envelope. "Yes, just your name and town should work." He squeezes Rick a little tighter before relaxing. 

Rick looks up at Negan for a few moments before nodding. "Okay." He picks up the pen and dips it ink.

Negan puts his chin back on top of Rick's head, waiting for him to finish. He wants him to hurry up so he can get the letters to town and get back before too long. He wants to spend time with Rick and, unless the human goes fully nocturnal, they don't have a lot of that.

Rick pauses when Negan puts his chin on his head, and then laughs softly at the peculiar sensation. Negan's weight from his head and his hands is grounding, but also makes Rick just a tiny bit nervous. He knows Negan's watching what he's doing like a hawk. 

Rick licks his lips and writes the return addresses on the envelopes. 

"Uhhh…" He realizes that he needs something to close the envelope with. "Do you have any glue or wax or something?" He turns to look at Negan. 

Negan perks up. "Oh, right!" He detaches himself and goes to the cupboard that stands by his bedroom door. He opens a drawer, seemingly at random, and immediately finds a wax seal kit. Rick watches with amusement, and then Negan brings the gilded box over to him at the table, opening it to show him the red sticks of wax and the golden seal of a poppy. 

"Here you are." 

"Thank you…" Rick takes a stick and the small heavy metal seal out of the box. The symbol of the poppy is engraved onto the end. Appropriately vague, he notes. Negan goes to grab a candle from the fireplace mantle, lights it, and brings it back to the dining table as well. 

"And here you are."

"Thank you," Rick says again with a small smile. The candle on the table was burning low anyway. 

Negan stands beside him, leaning his hip against the side of the back of the chair.

Rick sighs and reaches into the box for the spoon he saw was in there. He breaks off a piece of the wax and drops it into the spoon before holding that over the candle. He gets the seal ready and waits as the wax melts. When it's liquid, he carefully pours it out over the top of the envelope opening and then presses the seal down onto the small circular pool for several moments. He puts the spoon down and lifts the seal up, examining his handiwork. Good. 

He repeats the process twice more for the other two letters and then heats up the spoon to clean the wax out with a dirty cloth that was in the box as well. Once that's done, he puts everything away and blows on the envelopes, checking to make sure they're sealed tight. 

He takes a breath. "There." He shuffles them together and then hands them up to Negan. He keeps his eyes on the table, like if he doesn't look at them being tucked into Negan's bag, he can pretend that none of this is really happening, and they aren’t setting in motion something so awful.

He swallows. 

Negan takes the letters and places them gently into his satchel before looping it over his shoulder. "Perfect. Thank you, Rick," he says, and goes towards the door. He stops and looks back at him, head cocked. He's having such a time with Rick's moods. He hopes that after doing this, Rick can relax a little. "Rick," he says, turning back to face him. Rick's still turned away, and he looks over at Negan warily. 

"C'mere." 

Negan points to the ground in front of him before opening his arms slightly, insinuating an invitation for a hug.

Rick's eyebrows draw together and he exhales tensely, skeptical. He taps his finger on the table before sighing and getting up. He goes over and stops a few feet in front of the vampire, looking at him doubtfully. If he wants to initiate a hug, then fine, but Rick certainly isn't going to. 

Negan smirks slightly. "Come now, Rick. I said _here_." He points to the floor directly in front of him again and raises his arms slightly. He makes a 'come hither' gesture with his fingers towards Rick, but doesn't step any closer himself.

Rick glares and huffs in annoyance at Negan's pettiness. After a second, though, he steps closer, automatically bracing himself as he does so, his shoulders up to his ears and his hands in fists. Nervously, He looks away from Negan to the side as a flush creeps up his neck to his cheeks. 

"Good," Negan purrs. He places his hands on Rick's upper arms and Rick tenses harder, but Negan just rubs softly, trying to get him to relax a little. Rick tries, though it's difficult, and then Negan pulls him into a hug. Rick lets out a tiny squeak. 

Negan wraps one arm around his lower back and the other up higher, his hand holding the back of Rick's head, fingers threading through his hair. He hooks his chin over Rick's shoulder and just holds him for a moment, soaking up the warmth.

As Negan's arms envelop him and his hand runs through his hair to cradle his head, Rick whimpers softly at the encompassing touch. The tension slowly leaves his body, and Rick turns his head and drops it a little, turning to fit slightly closer into the vampire. 

Negan is cold and his hug is strong, but his body's softer than Rick keeps thinking it will be, and he finds himself relaxing more into the soft embrace. He also notices Negan's scent more this way, in this position. It's a heavy smell of leather and some light cologne or soap - and the faintest hint of what he thinks might be orange. Beneath all that is an oddly cool, thick, chalky scent. It's not _bad_... just different. 

Whatever it is, together, along with the sure, secure hug, settles something in him. He knows… it's insane, and he shouldn't be feeling this. But it's so hard to fight. And right now he doesn't know if it would be better to reject it. For his sanity, he doesn't think so. He just wants… to stop feeling terrified all the time. He wants the comfort Negan's offering. 

He might even be starting to crave it, in the fucked up paradigm of their kidnapper/kidnapee relationship. 

In the meantime, he lets himself be held, and secretly hopes Negan won't be gone long. He knows Lucille will stay, but he doesn't like being alone here at night. Ever since Negan's existence as a _creature of the night_ was confirmed, it's like everything Rick thought he knew was turned on its head, and he doesn't trust himself to know what's what anymore. The possibility of untold horrors lurking in the night, just a step away in the blackness… is a terrifying thought. And Negan presents a convenient guard against all that. For whatever it's worth, anyway. 

Negan hums softly as he holds Rick. He can feel the tension leaving the human, and it makes him smile. All he wants is for Rick to be content. 

He turns his head and nudges right behind Rick's ear with his nose, taking in a deep breath of his scent again. If he hadn't _just_ fed, it would've been so enticing, with Rick's neck so close and the human so relaxed into him.

But Negan's satisfied for now, and he has a job to do.

When Negan nudges into him, Rick shivers. For a second he's worried Negan might… _bite him_ … but he wouldn't… and he was so careful the first time to ask if he could. He wouldn't just _take_ without doing that… right? 

Negan places a kiss to Rick's cheek, wondering if he'll ever receive the same back, and slowly leans back. His hands move from around Rick to cradle his face instead. Rick holds his breath, his eyebrows drawn as he looks into Negan's brown eyes. For a second, he thinks that Negan might kiss him. He hopes he doesn't. Right now, he doesn't know what he'd do if Negan did _that_.

"I'll be quick," Negan says. "Lock the door. Listen to Lucille." He smiles, and one of Lucille's ears flicks in his direction. 

Rick snorts. "Uh-huh," he says, but then his eyes are heavy as Negan runs the back of his fingers over his cheek softly, and then the vampires exhales and turns, opening the door and walking out into the night.

Rick watches him go from the doorway, feeling strangely melancholy. He sighs, and closes and bolts the door. He takes comfort in the fact that the vampire'll be back soon. Or he says he will be, anyway.

Rick closes the curtains, fixes some more dinner for himself, and stokes the fire. It's late, but he's not especially tired since he woke at midday. He gives Lucille scratches as he eats and peruses the thick _Almanac_. He reads up on seasonal planting and gardening tips as Lucille sleeps against him. 

Later, when he's finished eating, he sighs and reaches under the couch to where he'd put a small bag of the candy Negan was so insistent on him having. He supposes there are worse hardships to endure than eating candy. He snorts and twirls the red and white peppermint piece around in his palm, before finally popping it in his mouth. 

...

Negan hightails it to the town, loving the newfound energy from his recent meal. Human blood really does so much more for him than animal blood. He ponders on the thought that he might be able to sleep less if he keeps getting regular meals from Rick. 

When he reaches town, the lanterns that once lit the streets are extinguished. The moon is the only light. There's not a soul out right now; the only sound comes from the saloon where the poor bartender is being kept up by the inebriates. 

The shadows hide Negan and make his steps silent as he almost seems to float down the streets. He's not worried about anyone actually seeing him; few people venture into the streets at night, but the darkness feels good on his skin, and he sticks to the shadows. 

He reaches the post office and goes around to the back door. Digging through his satchel, he procures two small sticks of metal: a lockpick. Carefully, he inserts them into the keyhole, stops his unneeded breaths, and listens as he moves the tumbler around. 

_CLUNK_

He pushes on the door, and it swings open with ease. 

Negan picks his way through the post office easily, finds the bag with the mail that’s to be delivered in the morning, and then flips through it carefully. There's another letter for Maggie and Glenn, so Negan slips Rick's in next to it. Carol nor Carl have any mail, so Negan files their letters according to address. 

Done, he moves back out the way he came, locking the door behind him. 

He's back home in a little less than an hour. The moon is rising high in the sky. _Must be close to midnight_ , he thinks as he knocks on his own door. "Rick? It's me."

Having half fallen asleep in the time Negan was gone, Rick startles up. He rubs his face and closes the book with a yawn, but he's suddenly jittery with energy at hearing Negan's smooth, calm voice through the door. He scratches Lucille's head and gets up, stretching and twitching slightly after being woken so suddenly. 

He unbolts the door and puts two hands on it as he pulls it open, moving aside a little. Negan is a dark shadow, just lit by the flickering light of the candles and the fire inside, but he looks happy to be back, and he sighs, taking Rick in. Rick yawns again and rubs his eye as he blinks sleepily at him. He may have woken up later, but his body isn't used to the adjusted timetable. 

Negan smiles slightly at his yawn. _Cute_. He reaches out and holds Rick's cheek for a moment. "Did I wake you?" he asks, taking the door from him and closing it, blocking out the night.

Rick hums. "A little." He smirks softly and drags a hand through his hair. He sniffs. "How'd it go? In and out?" He feels a pang of annoyance. The sheriff in him is protesting this unlawful breaking and entering and… tricking of the postal system. 

Negan nods. "Yup. How'd it go here? You do anything before you fell asleep?" He goes to the couch, eyeing the _Almanac_ on it, and pets Lucille's head. She sighs contently.

Rick's eyebrows draw together, and he crosses his arms. He feels like Negan's leaving something out of his answer. "Not much," he says. "Read up on gardening. What to plant and when." 

Negan nods, pushing the _Almanac_ over and sitting down next to Lucille on the couch. "Good, good. Do you have a plan made yet for where you want to put your garden?"

"Uhh, out back somewhere… There's a good amount of space out there, but I figure on the south-east side would be good."

"Sounds like a plan." Negan gazes at Rick, the itch to touch him running through his fingers. "What are you going to plant first?"

Rick sighs deeply. "Well, I guess it depends on how soon we can get everything up and ready… but I was reading and it said in late April and May you can plant things like beans, onions, potatoes, peas, and melons, among other things." He counts off on his fingers as he tries to remember what he read. He'll make a more accurate list tomorrow. 

Negan smiles and nods, stretching his legs out in front of him, and Rick relaxes a little more, too. 

"I'm excited to see this project in full bloom," Negan says. "If you have any meals you'd like me to make with the things you grow, let me know. I also know quite a few recipes that I'm sure you've never even dreamed of." He smirks slightly, thinking of his recipe box that holds meals from his home country and those surrounding it.

Rick huffs quietly in amusement. "Thanks for the offer, and I'll probably take you up on it… Planting I can do…" He scratches his head and looks at the floor. "But cooking's another story." He chuckles under his breath and puts his hands in his pockets as he looks at the fire. "But one thing at a time, I guess." He supposed he should also look up canning processes. He could just let Negan buy him fresh and canned food, but doing it himself would occupy his mind and keep him busy, anyway.

Negan nods, eyes flicking to the fire and back. He's glad Rick seems to be relaxing, loosening up a bit. He likes hearing him talk. He just likes talking to someone who can actually talk back in _general_ , but Rick's voice is beautiful. Strong, a little rough, but still with a soft edge. Almost like the man himself. 

"Rick…" Negan cocks his head at him and gestures for Rick to come over. "C'mere, would you? Sit here." Negan points to the space on the floor between his feet. 

Rick flushes softly and his eyebrows knit. His gaze flits from Negan's face to the floor where he pointed and back. His shoulders twitch up slightly, and he backs up a step. 

"Why?" he asks, nervous now that Negan wants to drink from him again. 

Negan frowns slightly as Rick backs up. Well, that's not what he wanted. "Rick, I just want you close," he admits. He rests his hands on his knees, palms up in a gesture of 'I have nothing on me.' "I'm not going to hurt you. Come, sit here, and tell me about your favorite foods. Tell me what you've read up on. Just talk with me."

Rick watches Negan carefully, still nervous. "Uhmmm, I think I'm good here," he says. He's backed up as far as the table and he tries to lean against it casually, crossing his arms and looking at the floor. He swallows. 

Negan narrows his eyes. Rick's trusted him to this point, and suddenly he won't get near him? He huffs. "Rick. Come here. Now." He points to the floor again. He knows he could use his power of suggestion on Rick, but he doesn't want to default to that. He wants Rick to be content here, but he also wants him to do what he says.

At Negan's words, Rick's eyes widen and he flushes red. He swallows thickly and licks his lips before pushing off from the table. He rubs his arms and then goes over to the vampire. He pauses for just a second before sitting down between Negan's legs - he watches his face carefully as he turns and faces the fire, arms around his knees. He drops his head slightly. _There, happy?_ he thinks, huffing softly in annoyance.

He's still nervous, and now he's also irritated at being told what to do, but there's a part of him that's also a tiny bit pleased. He knows Negan wouldn't hurt him. He just wants him close. He's demonstrated that fact before… and he's not a monster. He's just attention hungry - a feeling Rick understands. He knows what it’s like to want attention, and affection. 

Negan grins as Rick sits down in front of him, bracketed by his long legs. _Good_. He almost immediately reaches out and places his hands on Rick's shoulders, to which Rick makes a soft noise of discomfort. Negan squeezes gently, and Rick swallows a whimper. It sends a shiver down his body and he sniffs, pushing his shoulders up to try and uselessly cover his burning ears. And then Negan kisses the top of his head, nuzzling his nose into his hair. Rick's eyes widen and he huffs. 

"That wasn't so hard, now was it?" Negan asks, and Rick hisses softly and glares at the floor. 

_Oh yeah, I love being bossed around_ , he thinks sarcastically. 

Negan rests his chin on Rick's head and hums softly. He starts massaging Rick's shoulders and back with his thumbs, working out the tense muscles. He loves having Rick under his hands, working him like putty in exchange for Negan soaking up his warmth. As much as Rick tries to fight it, Negan knows he enjoys being touched. He hears the whimpers and the whines from him. He sees the way Rick's face goes red. 

Oh yes, Rick likes it, and Negan likes giving it. 

Rick exhales tightly as Negan starts massaging him. He hates how good it feels; Negan's cool hands are a balm on his warm skin, and the motions of it seem to untangle something knotted inside him. 

"Talk to me, Rick," Negan says. "Did you read the history book I gave you?" 

"Um… yes?" Rick tries to focus on Negan's words. "Th-the French Revolution seemed like quite… something." He tries to remember what else he’d read. 

"Indeed it was." Negan works his hands behind Rick's neck and down into his shoulder blades. Rick grunts when he does so. That really should not feel amazing. _It shouldn't_. "I fought in that, you know? Right after I helped this country fight in its own revolution." Negan looks down at his hands kneading into Rick. " _Vive la révolution, oui?_ " He chuckles.

Rick laughs nervously. "Yeah…" Then he stops to think. Negan went _back_ to Europe? To fight in another war? What was the point of that? What did he care? "You…" he says slowly, "you went back to Europe after the Revolutionary War… why? Why did you fight in wars at all?" It doesn't make sense. If he wasn't even human, why would he care if people were fighting each other for land or freedom? 

Negan nods, though Rick can't see it. "I went back and forth between here and there a couple of times, actually," he says, still working out the knots in Rick's back. 

Rick smiles grimly and thinks of the massive, terrible ships that ferry people across the Atlantic. He shivers. He's never been on one but from the stories he's heard people tell, he'd never want to. They’re rampant with disease and full of seasickness and lack of food. 

"Fighting in wars was… a time filler." Negan shrugs. "I would follow them. Whatever country was under fire, I'd be there. It gave me a constant food supply, as no one batted an eye at a dead enemy, and it gave me something to do." 

At that, Rick doesn't feel so amused. He supposes it makes gruesome sense: using the war to feed himself. And what does he care if Negan drained the blood of some foreign soldier? 

Negan presses deep into a particularly hard knot, and Rick grits his teeth. 

"And I was damn good at it."

Rick wonders what Negan was like in battle. It's hard to picture, as he's only really known him as first a lonesome, old man and then as a shifty, manipulating vampire. 

"Right," he says, looking down. 

Negan smoothes his hands over Rick's back, calming his muscles down, and shivers run up Rick's spine. Negan moves to his shoulders and then slides up his neck, touching against the collar briefly, massaging behind Rick's ears and at the back of his jaw. Rick's mouth opens, his eyes partially closed. He's practically panting. 

He'd let go of his knees a while ago to sit crossways, and now he digs his fingers into the rug as he tries to stay quiet. He's almost shocked to realize that he's getting a little turned on by this. He doesn't want that and _yet_... 

Negan doesn't notice much of this. All he can tell is that Rick doesn't seem too thrilled about his answer, but he's giving him the truth, which is really all Rick could ask for. "It wasn't about the carnage, you know?" he says. "I would observe all sides and fight for the one that matched my own morals."

"Right, right," Rick says in between breaths. "That makes sense." 

Negan pauses, realizing that Rick is actually enjoying his little massage. His responses are getting a little breathy and… there's a hint of arousal in his smell. Not a lot, but it's there. Negan smirks and bites his lip to keep from laughing in joy. This isn't what he intended, but it's a nice result. 

He keeps moving his hands up, burying his fingers into Rick's hair and massaging his head slowly, his blunt nails scratching against the human's scalp. 

Rick _whines_ , shivering and fidgeting. _Oh_... 

"Guess which side I fought in your Civil War," Negan asks, giddily.

"Uhhh…" Rick feels like Negan's answer to this is important, but at the moment he's having difficulty remembering why. "I've no idea," he manages, because he doesn't, but also because he can barely think right now, let alone figure out which side Negan fought for in the damned _Civil War_.

Negan wonders just how far Rick will let him go. The man is practically oozing arousal at this point, and all Negan did was touch him gently. He wonders when the last time Rick had an orgasm was. He knows Rick doesn't have a wife - he assumed her dead - and Rick doesn't really seem the type to use alternate means to bed anyone. 

Is that why Rick's so sensitive to his touch? Would he be like this for anyone? 

"Well, if you're wondering, I fought for the Union," Negan says, and Rick blinks at his answer. He thinks he should be surprised. It's such an odd thing to say, though he isn't sure why. He would have thought a _vampire_... would fight for the Confederacy. 

Negan starts to comb his fingers backward through Rick's hair. He wants to wash it so badly. It's oily and dirty, though still soft. 

Rick sighs softly. It feels amazing, and he thinks he'd be happy with hours of this. But then Negan suddenly grips the locks of his hair and tugs his head backward gently, leaning over so he can make eye contact. Rick yelps and jerks in surprise, but then his head's in Negan's lap and he's looking up at him - and he relaxes, though his hands are pressed against the rug. He makes a small noise high in his throat and closes his eyes as Negan leans in… and kisses his forehead, and then his nose.

There's a moment until he opens his eyes again, and when he does so he wets his lips, looking into Negan's warm brown eyes with something… something like trust. He breathes slowly, evenly, and relaxes further. 

Negan strokes his fingers across Rick's forehead as he looks down at him, trying to smooth out any worry lines. The fireplace flickers. The light swims in Rick's blue-grey eyes, and Negan feels him relaxing ever so slowly in his grip. 

"Rick," he says softly, moving his hands down to stroke along Rick's cheeks. Negan wants to ask him if he wishes to go to bed, but he can't seem to get the words out. He doesn't want to leave this position they're in. He likes having Rick right here in his lap. 

So he just smiles and continues to touch Rick's face reverently.

"Uh-huh?" Rick asks quietly as Negan strokes his face. He blinks slowly. He feels like he should be protesting this position, the fact that Negan's touching him so intimately like this, but he can't summon the energy to care all that much. It feels nice. He's comfortable. Ish. 

So close to him, he can smell Negan. His cool metallic breath, the leather and dirt smell. It's earthy and strange and curiously pleasant all at once. 

Negan just hums and tilts his head slightly, trailing his hands down towards Rick's chin. His face hovers so close above Rick's, he can feel the human's warm breath on his face. It smells… slightly sweet. Did Rick eat one of the candies? He takes another breath. _Peppermint. Yum_.

Negan slides one hand down the front of Rick's throat, tracing over his Adam's apple, and Rick swallows. Negan's cool fingers run up and down the smooth skin of his neck, tracing under the leather of the collar for a moment and making Rick shift uncomfortably, before coming back up behind his head. Rick shivers, anxious, but then Negan's rubbing at the spot behind his ears that he didn't even know was so sensitive, and he can't help the soft laugh that bubbles up and turns into a whine. He closes his eyes tightly and bites his lip, shifting, but then Negan's fingers are buried in his hair and scratching at his scalp. He sighs, relaxing back again. 

His breath is shaky and he digs his nails into his palms to keep control of himself. He concentrates on keeping his breathing even, as his eyes flicker up to Negan's every so often seeking that calm, soft gaze. 

The minutes stretch on as Negan massages his head, and Rick wonders just what's happening here. His feelings for Negan have changed so rapidly, and he doesn't know if he's deserving of it. He feels like he's probably giving in without reason, but any alternative that presents itself to him seems utterly desolate. And this is just… so much better. 

"Rick," Negan purrs softly. "Rick, Rick, Rick." Oh, he can't get enough of him. This shivering, whining, human under his hands. He wants to give him the world and take it away all at once. 

When Rick's bites his lip, all Negan wants to do is kiss them. Should he though? He's not sure _just_ how far Rick is going to let him go. Instead, he continues his movements with his left hand, but slips his right down, over Rick's shoulder and down his arm. He can feel the tension there. 

Gently, Negan takes Rick's forearm, still looking into his eyes, and Rick's gotten a little closer to him so he barely notices, but then Negan's kissing his palm and placing it on his cheek, and Rick swallows thickly. Negan's skin is velvety and cool, and his beard is soft, and Rick looks up into his eyes a little nervously when he stops, just holding his hand there. 

Rick doesn't know what to do, and he doesn't want to do anything _wrong_. He has a feeling he knows what Negan wants… but he just doesn't know how or if he wants to give that yet. 

Negan can see the question in Rick's eyes. The nervousness. He sighs and nuzzles his cheek into Rick's hand. "Rick, touch me," he says, a command with the hint of a plea, and Rick's eyebrows draw together and he swallows. He's so confused. Why is Negan _asking_ him?

Negan moves his left hand back to Rick's face, caressing his cheek, as if trying to encourage him to do the same, and Rick takes a breath and carefully moves his fingers over Negan's skin. He touches over his cheek and then over to his ear, where Negan touched him before. His fingers creep back and go into his hair, brushing softly. Negan's hair is softer than his beard, but the strands are stiffer than Rick's. Rick wonders if they grow at all, or if Negan's had the same hair for two hundred years. The thought of that seems crazy. What if he cut it? Would it not grow back? 

Negan closes his eyes as Rick moves his hand back into his hair. He makes a small noise of pleasure and shivers, leaning into the warm fingers. _Yes. Perfect._

Rick inhales softly and looks down, eyebrows drawn, biting his lip softly. "Does your hair grow?" he asks quietly after a moment, and looks up at Negan. Negan opens his eyes. "Do you cut it or shave?" He yawns. He doesn't think he's seen Negan do either, though granted he's only been here a few days. 

Negan notices how sleepy Rick looks, and nods softly, careful not to jostle Rick's hand in his hair. "Yes, it grows, but very, very slowly," he explains. "I normally go a couple of months before shaving." 

"Huh." Rick thinks about how often he needs to shave and cut his own hair. How strange not to have to do that very often.

Negan lets his hands drop down to Rick's shoulders again. "Rick, let's go to bed, hmm?" he suggests softly.

Rick yawns again and takes his hand away, making Negan frown. "Yeah, that sounds good…" He shifts up slightly and runs a hand through his hair. 

Negan perks back up. "Alright, up you go," he says before getting his hands underneath Rick and fluidly picking him up bridal style. 

" _Negan_ , what are you!" Rick yelps, and automatically grabs Negan's neck for support, gripping him tightly. Negan grins at him and he exhales through his teeth, but then the vampire places a kiss on his temple and Rick closes his eyes and makes a small noise. "Is this really necessary?" he grumbles, but he doesn't care enough to fight it, and, perhaps using his tiredness as an excuse, he rests his head on Negan's shoulder, tucking his head under his beard with a soft sigh. It's actually kind of nice. 

"Yes," Negan deadpans before laughing slightly. He's about to go back to the bedroom when he remembers something. "Oh, do you want your nightclothes I bought you?" He turns and looks under the couch where Rick had taken to storing his stuff. He mentally kicks himself for not buying a trunk or a box while he was in town.

"Ummm, yeah that'd be nice," Rick says. He'd be embarrassed that he has put his clothes under the sofa, but it's not like Negan gave him anything else or told him what else to do with it. And he would really rather wear something comfortable to bed. There's only so long he wants to sleep in his dirty, stiff day clothes.

Negan nods and bends over, still holding Rick, but shifting him towards the bottom of the couch. "Grab 'em, yeah?" he says, nodding towards the clothes. "I won't drop ya."

Rick laughs softly, but pulls the clothes into his lap while keeping an arm around Negan's neck. Negan pulls him back up and goes to the bedroom, toeing the door open. It's dark, the light in the fireplace not able to fully reach in. He gently places Rick down on the bed before going to the window and pulling back the curtain. Moonlight streams in, lighting up the room in a cool glow.

Rick yawns and puts his legs over the bed. He runs a hand through his hair as he watches Negan open the curtains. It's a pretty, blue light. "Does the moonlight hurt you, too?" he asks, thinking of it suddenly. He knows it wouldn't hurt him a _lot_ , but…

He grabs the nightshirt while he's at it and shakes it out. 

Negan turns from the window where he's standing directly in the moonlight. He gestures to himself. "Yes, Rick, that's why I opened the window and stood directly in it," he says sarcastically with a small smile, raising an eyebrow. He snorts a laugh before going to his dresser and pulling out a black nightshirt. 

Rick flushes and rolls his eyes. "Well _excuse me_ for trying to start a conversation and _learn more about you_ ," he says. "And you've been in sunlight before, but you still say it hurts you. Maybe there are _degrees_ or something, huh? I don't know any of this," he says with a huff as he fidgets with the shirt. Why does he try talking to Negan about anything, honestly?

Negan rolls his eyes softly. "Rick, please. I'm just joking. Yes, sunlight hurts me if I'm directly in it for too long. Wake me up at noon, and I'll stick my arm out the window for ya, but I warn you, it's not a pretty sight." He shakes his head and Rick snorts around a grin, thinking about Negan sticking his arm out the window. Well, he isn't gonna lie, he wouldn't turn down the chance to see _that_.

"And no, the moonlight doesn't hurt me," Negan explains as he works off his shirt he'd been wearing. He sets it on his dresser. "It actually makes me a little stronger." 

Rick listens as Negan explains, and watches him strip out of the corner of his eye as he takes his own shirt off and pulls on the other one. Negan pulls off his boots next, plopping them on the floor. 

"It helps me heal if I'm injured and gives me energy." He slips on his nightshirt, letting it fall to his knees before unfastening his pants and letting those drop to the floor as well.

"Uh-huh," Rick says, getting his own pants off under the long shirt and pulling the soft pants on. He shivers. It feels so good to be wearing something comfortable after first being basically naked and then only wearing his jeans for the last few days. 

Negan kicks his socked feet out of his pants and looks back at Rick. "Please, if you have questions, ask them. I promise I'll only be a little sarcastic, but I will answer them."

"Only a little sarcastic, huh?" Rick asks, folding his day clothes. "You'd think… getting so much _older_ and… _wiser_ over the years… you'd grow out of that," he says with a hint of teasing as he puts his clothes under the bed and turns to look at Negan, his arms folded, a small smile on his lips. 

Negan grins and goes up to Rick, stopping in front of him, toe to toe. He reaches out to take Rick's face in his hands, a playful quip on the tip of his tongue about how sarcasm just grows with age, but Rick's smile falters when Negan comes over. 

Suddenly, he's nervous of Negan's intentions. He shrinks back a little and puts his hands up fearfully. He's unsure why he's suddenly anxious, but he's tired, and he doesn't really want to combat Negan's energy right now. He just wants to sleep. 

Negan immediately pulls back when Rick puts his walls up. Shit, he hadn't meant to scare him. He takes a step back and misses the smile that was just on Rick's face. He scuffs his foot awkwardly before going over and shutting the door and then going to the window. He takes the curtain in hand and looks to Rick. 

"Go on. Get in bed. Get comfy. I'm going to close the curtain before I get in, but I'll leave it till you do," he says with a soft smile.

Rick sighs, slowly relaxing again. "Thanks. Sorry. I'm just tired," he says, rubbing his arm and giving Negan a quick smile. Negan looks remorseful and regretful, and Rick feels a little guilty for putting a damper on the light mood, but he really is just tired. He rubs his face before getting into the bed. It's at first cool, but it quickly warms as he shifts to the far side and settles in, curling up with his head on the pillow and the covers pulled up around his shoulders. He yawns. 

Negan just smiles at him softly and watches him get settled into bed before pulling the curtain closed, encompassing the room in darkness, and slipping in under the blankets next to Rick. 


	11. Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two steps forward, one step back...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to [genevievedarcygranger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/genevievedarcygranger/) for helping to beta this story going forward! <3

The room is dark, and quiet, save for the crickets outside the window.

Rick blinks in the darkness, able to only just see the vague black form of Negan's body as he gets into bed, and then they're looking at each other hesitantly, neither wanting to make the wrong move. 

A moment passes, and Negan carefully reaches out and touches Rick's blanket covered shoulder, trailing his fingers up to caress his cheek. There's a little bit of scruff there, and Negan finds he likes the prickly feeling of it beneath his fingers.

Rick hums. It feels nice, and he… doesn't mind. He looks into Negan's eyes and then smiles when Negan scoots closer, pressing his bare shin against his clothed one. Negan lets his hand trail up and comb through Rick's hair and Rick sighs. 

"You should wash this," Negan whispers, and Rick laughs softly. "And I don't mean in the creek. I have shampoo and soap." He smiles at Rick in the dark. "Let's call tomorrow bath night, hm?"

"Yeah, I know, I…" Rick pauses. "What's shampoo?" he asks, his eyebrows furrowing, and Negan laughs softly. Well, Rick's never heard that word before, so how's he supposed to know? "That some kinda soap?"

"Yes, it's a soap for your hair," Negan says. "It'll make it soft and shiny." He rubs some of Rick's hair between his fingers, feeling the oil and dirt. "I learned about it in Europe the last time I was there. Travelers from India were bringing a version of it over. It's changed since I first heard about it, but I think you'll like what I have." 

"Huh," Rick says. "All we ever used was regular soap and that seemed to do the job. How's it different from the normal stuff?" 

Negan scoots a hair closer, pressing more of his legs against Rick's, and Rick tucked his head in a little so they're closer, a few inches apart. He watches Negan's lips in the dim light. 

"It has some herbs and tea in it."

"That sounds nice." Rick's breath falters for a second when Negan slides his hand down to his shoulder again, going under the blanket and continuing down to rest on his side.

Negan can feel the outline of Rick's ribs as he breathes. 

In. Out. In. Out.

Rick swallows, and he moves his right hand closer to Negan's so that they're touching, making Negan smile.

"You make it into a paste and work it through," Negan says. "Makes it smell good, too." 

"Right."

Negan smiles and tilts his head forward to stick his nose into Rick's hair right where it meets his forehead. He takes a soft sniff and hums. "Not that you don't already smell delicious."

Rick chuckles. "I thought I was dirty? How good can I smell?" He snorts and laughs darkly like the whole thing is totally ridiculous. He smells like sweat and dirt, neither of which are pleasant. 

Negan huffs a laugh and takes Rick's hand, interlacing their fingers and bringing them up to kiss his knuckles. Rick hums.

"Oh, you are dirty," Negan says, chuckling, and Rick flushes hotly. "But everyone has an underlying smell that's just… _them_ , and yours is very nice, Rick." 

Rick laughs nervously. "Right." He doesn't want to ask if a part of that is his blood, something only vampires can smell. And then he has another thought: he wonders if Negan could be talking about other vampires as well, when he says 'everyone'. Rick hadn't even really thought of others. Well, he had, but maybe not to any kind of extent. Other lone vampires that might be an immediate threat to people 'round here, sure, but how many were there _really?_ Rick thinks he'll have to ask Negan that at some point.

Negan rubs his bewhiskered cheek on the back of Rick's hand, and Rick sighs. 

"You like the warmth, right?" he asks. 

Negan makes a noise in his throat like he's embarrassed at being caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar. He ducks his head slightly, letting go of Rick's hand so he can press the human's palm into his cheek instead. He looks at Rick and nods. "Yes," he says softly. "Your heat, your breathing, your heartbeat… it… soothes me."

Rick laughs softly. It's sweet. Nobody's ever cared about that in the way Negan has before. He thinks maybe Lori did when she cuddled up to him, but she never really said it. It went unsaid, he supposes. But there's almost a desperation to Negan when he talks about that and holds Rick close. Like he _needs_ it… maybe because he doesn't have it. 

Rick hums. He pets Negan's cheek softly, and Negan smiles and closes his eyes, leaning into it. 

Negan wonders if Rick will ever figure out just how powerful he is against him. Sure, Negan can threaten violence and strength, but a soft touch from Rick quells the beast within him in an instant.

Rick's heart starts to beat a little harder, his breath a little shakier, when he thinks about what he's about to do, and he wonders if he should do it at all. But, then, after a moment, he takes Negan's hand gently, and moves it away. Negan almost whines, but then Rick takes his hand and… places it on top of his chest, over his loose shirt, right where his heart is. 

Negan's eyes fly open and he gasps once before freezing, falling completely still. His fingers tense against Rick's chest slightly, like he's making sure it's real.

Rick can feel his heart beating steadily in his chest underneath his ribs. "Like this?" he asks quietly, eyelids low. 

Rick's heartbeat practically reverberates through Negan's hand, up his arm, and into his own chest. It feels almost like his own is beating. The beat is steady, if a little fast. It's strong. It's _alive_. 

Negan finally exhales after a few minutes. He thinks if he could cry normal tears, he would. "Yes," he finally answers, so quietly it's almost just a breath. "Yes."

Rick grins quietly, pleased at Negan's reaction even though he's shaking slightly. He breathes softly through his mouth, like he's trying to taste the moment. Or Negan. The man smells heady and good. He's not warm, and he doesn't really smell like a human would, but the scent is pleasant. 

"Yeah?" he asks softly, looking into Negan's eyes - filled with some emotion like terrified, careful amazement - and away. "What about…" he says, and takes Negan's hand again. He's shaking, his heart beating fast and hard, but he takes Negan's hand and, pulling his shirt up a little with his other hand, places it firmly on his bare skin right on top of his heart. 

"...this?" 

Oh, good _lord_. Negan whines low, low down in his chest when Rick places his hand to his warm, warm chest. A shudder rocks his body and his mouth opens, but nothing comes out.

Rick licks his lips and swallows hard, looking up at Negan nervously. 

He thinks this is probably a bad idea. But he's so tired, and Negan is right there and _touching him all the time_ and Rick just wants to push that a little. He wants Negan's hands on him. He wants that comfort and the satisfaction of it. He wants to see where it goes. 

He shivers. Negan's hand is cool, but he can _feel_ it warming right away from being on his hot skin. 

" _Rick_ ," Negan half-growls half-whimpers, and Rick grins stupidly with his eyelids half-closed. It almost sounds like he's in pain, but he's not pulling away. No, he pushes in, flattening his hand against Rick's chest and moaning softly. His pupils are blown wide, turning his eyes almost black, and Rick whimpers at the touch, gasping when Negan puts his hand on his chest. 

The _heat_ is maddening. No flame could be as hot as Rick is right now. And Negan's cold hands only help to cool Rick down. Rick shivers, and moves his own hand up over Negan's. 

Mixed with the thumping of Rick's heart still vibrating through him, Negan's all but undone. 

And he wants more. 

He bites on his bottom lip as he cautiously but surely slips his other hand up Rick's shirt and rests it next to his other. He groans and shivers. "God, you are… fantastic…" he breathes.

Rick grins and chuckles softly. _Fantastic_... Oh, he _likes_ that. 

He stays motionless, enjoying Negan's excitement and the touch of him on his body - when he shakes himself. _God_ , this could be so much better. 

"Look, just, let me—" he says, and pushes himself up into a sitting position so he can pull his shirt off, making Negan whine softly. Negan's hands are off of him, but they won't be for long. 

Negan watches with interest as Rick tosses his shirt to the end of the bed. _Oh, ho ho._ He licks his lips, eyeing up Rick's exposed skin, but he doesn't get long before Rick's dropping back down onto the bed again, flat on his back. Rick turns onto his side facing away from Negan and pulls the covers back over himself before, after a beat, reaching back for Negan's right hand and bringing it over his body. He glances back at him, suddenly nervous again, but encouraging him to grab him and get closer. 

Rick thinks this is like swimming - you have to jump into the cold first before you get warm treading water. He's anxious as hell that it'll somehow go wrong, but he hopes it doesn't. He's so tired and feels so lonely; he just wants Negan to hold him. 

Negan smiles. He understands what Rick wants.

Wrapping his arms fully around him, Negan pulls him back against his chest, slotting their bodies together all the way down to their feet. 

" _Oof!_ " Rick breaths as Negan pulls him close, but then he's whimpering softly as Negan puts one palm over his heart and one over his stomach, and buries his face into the junction of Rick's neck and shoulder. Negan hums contently, shivering as he gets used to the sudden heat. 

Negan, however, is _cold_ , and a shiver ripples through Rick's body - but he thinks they should warm up soon from his own heat. And it's not like Negan's generating the cold temperature - like ice or something - he just isn't generating warmth. 

Negan's used to Lucille being in bed with him. She's warm and alive, yes, but there's just something so different from fur and skin. From beast and human. Rick is… entirely different from Lucille, and Negan wouldn't have it any other way. Rick's different from other humans, too. He's… got a gentle soul, and he's willing to take chances. There's just something about him that Negan can't help but be drawn to. Perhaps it's just the fact that Negan's been so close to him for days now. Rick's presence reminds him what humans are like. It reminds him that he… used to be one of them, too. And some part of him still wishes for that life. 

God, Rick feels _amazing_. Negan wants to cry so bad. He can, but it would be blood, and he doesn't want to scare Rick. He just hasn't felt this wonderful in _decades_. 

"Thank you, Rick," he says, in a choked whisper, and places a kiss on Rick's bare shoulder. Rick's eyes widen at the unexpected reaction. "Thank you…" a kiss to his clavicle. "Thank you…" a kiss right under his jaw. Negan squeezes Rick ever the more closely and holds him tight, making Rick whimper again, shivering slightly. He can barely breathe for a second but then Negan's hold relaxes slightly, and Rick swallows and curls up a little more. 

"Uh-huh," he says softly, unsure what else to say, but trying to be sincere. He feels just a tiny bit sad, but he puts his arms on Negan's and wiggles a little closer anyway. He feels more content than he's felt at least since he got here. It would be better if he could just see his kids again, but he thinks that'll happen soon if Negan trusts him enough. He can't keep him away from them forever. It's just not going to happen. 

But those are thoughts for another day, and Rick closes his eyes and tries to relax a little more. 

Negan smiles as he holds Rick, tucking Rick's head under his chin and softly slipping one of his legs between the human's, fitting them together. He just wants to be as close as he can be. He just wants to stay like this forever. And he slowly begins to feel himself taking on Rick's temperature, his skin less pallid than usual. 

He hums and traces small shapes on Rick's chest, lazily placing kisses on Rick's hair.

Rick sighs. This is nice. He likes the feeling of security being close to Negan offers him. Even if sometimes he wants to _punch_ him… he doesn't think Negan would truly hurt him. Or at least, he thinks Negan does care about him, in his own way, and that way doesn't include being intentionally cruel. 

It also feels nice when Negan absorbs his warmth, becoming, in turn, warmer himself. It's much nicer than the cold otherwise. He shivers as Negan traces shapes into his chest, and kisses his hair. It feels so good to be kissed like this, and so much. Rick hasn't had kisses like this in… a very long time. Years. 

He sniffs. 

"Why… why did you fight for the North?" he asks then, sleepily, as he remembers their earlier conversation. He thinks it should be obvious, but he wants to hear Negan tell him. 

Negan hums and rests his chin on Rick's head. "Slavery is wrong," he says, shrugging. "No matter where you're from, humans are humans. One isn't better than the other." 

"Right," Rick says, though he does see a bit of irony in Negan telling him that slavery is wrong. Here he is being kept against his will with a damn collar around his neck. Though, he supposes that Negan doesn't make him do anything. He's never - after he made sure that Rick wouldn't run away - done anything to him that was really against his will. Rick wonders, if he asked Negan nicely, if he'd take the collar off. 

He sniffs. Yeah, right.

Negan sighs. "There are some of my kind who disagree with me, though. They keep humans like cattle. It's disgusting, and cruel, and I've never liked it. They think because they're vampires they're somehow above humanity. That they've been given a _gift_... I fought for the North because I remember what it was like being alive. Because I've traveled across countries and seas, and I've seen all kinds of humans, and I can tell you that no specific kind is better than another."

"Wait," Rick says, suddenly struck by something Negan said. "They k-keep humans as-as…" He shifts in Negan's arms, suddenly feeling restricted and too warm, and Negan tenses. _Oh no._

Negan lets his arms go slack, allowing Rick to move how he wants. "Rick, Rick, shh," he shushes, trying to calm him. "There aren't any farms anywhere near here. You don't need to worry about it."

Rick moves out of Negan's arms and pushes up on his forearm to look at him. He feels something like dread in his stomach. He stares at Negan hard. "Uh-huh," he says, though he isn't that convinced. "Where… where…" he rubs a hand over his face. "What… where are they? A-and…" he thinks he shouldn't be asking this, but he wants to know, "what are they like? What… what goes on there? H-have you ever been to one?" 

Rick shivers. It sounds horrifying. He agrees that slavery between humans is wrong, but at the very least humans don't _eat other humans_... The thought of vampires keeping humans as _food_ in… pens? locked up? is… sickening. 

Negan looks up at Rick with furrowed brows. He doesn't know if he should tell Rick, the man who got woozy at the thought of his _own_ blood, more about these places. He sighs. Well, he did tell Rick he'd answer his questions. 

Rolling over onto his back, Negan laments the loss of heat and reaches out to place his hand over Rick's. Rick looks down at it. The touch is... comforting. 

"The closest one is in Des Moines," Negan explains. "I've been to it once, and I've been to a few others. They're all pretty much what I'm sure you're imagining." Negan sits up and rubs his face, and Rick watches him, concerned and nervous about what's to come. 

"It's like any cattle farm," Negan says, "but instead of milk, they're harvesting blood. People are bled daily. Sometimes they collect it and store it, and sometimes it's just a lineup and vampires feed right there… In all cases, the conditions are horrible. Just barely good enough to keep people alive for more than a couple feeds. They're in cages, too tight together. They get bled too much, too soon. They barely get food." Negan sniffs. His hands are shaking. "And it doesn't even matter to the owners of the farm because they just throw out the dead and replace them like they're nothing. It's _sickening_ ," he spits out.

Rick's mouth is open in shock as he listens. It's like something out of the worst horror story told to children… only a hundred times worse. 

_Bled daily. Lineups. Vampires feed right there. Barely alive. Cages. Starvation. Throw out the dead._

Rick feels nauseous, and he can feel Negan's hand shaking on his. He looks down, surprised and confused. 

He wonders… how all this could exist… without him having any knowledge of it. He supposes there are a lot of things he thought about the world… that are untrue. He thinks… he doesn't quite believe this. Even though he'd never ever want to get within a hundred miles of these places, if they exist… he isn't sure he can even imagine what they're like… until he saw them. 

He lets out a shaky breath. 

"Wow. So… how… how many vampires are there in the world? Is there… a government or something? Any way to… control this?" He thinks he should probably backtrack and ask some basic questions first. This whole thing is just getting crazier and crazier, and he's exhausted. All of this should probably wait until tomorrow.

Negan studies Rick, who seems to have taken the facts about the farms pretty well, much to Negan's surprise, so who's he to stop answering?

Rick lies down tiredly then and takes Negan's hand in his, looking up at him and silently asking him to come back down. He pulls the blankets back over himself and scoots closer, curling up into him. He feels infinitely more afraid of the world than he had been five minutes ago. 

Negan lays back down with Rick, wrapping an arm around his waist and making him shiver. He notes that Rick is also still welcoming his touch, and Negan's not about to say no to that. "I don't know exactly how many of us there are," he says softly, "but the most I've seen once in a place is about a hundred." 

Rick's eyes widen. "A _hundred?"_ It's so many… "That wouldn't have been all of them, would it?"

"That was only because it was specifically a gathering for vampires…" Negan continues. "It's very rare to just run into one on the street." 

He scoots closer, tangling their legs again, and Rick swallows. He shifts a little to get more comfortable and listens with heavy eyes.

"There is a… quasi-government," Negan continues. "There's an elder Lord for each country, and they have workers under them who make sure things stay in line. They stop vampires from killing too many people or making too many new vampires."

"Well that's good, anyway," Rick says. But it's disconcerting when Negan mentions running into them on the street - even if he's saying it's unlikely? He supposes that he's grateful the world isn't _crawling with them_... and none of this is _comforting_ , but at least knowing that they aren't going to overrun humans any time soon is… well, better than if they were. Rick's just never thought about any of this being a possibility before, and now Negan's saying it's all just a part of the world they live in. It's enough to make him want to take his family to some far off location where they're less likely to roam. Hawaii. Madagascar. The North _Pole_. 

Negan traces shapes along Rick's stomach and nods. It is good. There were a couple of times that the Lords and their Knights didn't arrive at a situation until it was a little too late, but those events went down in history disguised as the Lords saw fit. 

Rick grins and narrows his eyes at Negan when he starts tracing patterns on his skin. That _tickles_. Rick exhales a soft laugh and Negan does too. 

Rick's ticklish, Negan notes. He needs to remember that.

But then Rick takes Negan's hand. 

"Negan…" he says, bringing it up to hold against his chest, and Negan smiles at the feeling of the human's heartbeat. Rick looks into his eyes with intent and a small smile, and then brings his hand up to his lips. He doesn't quite kiss him, but it's a near thing. Negan's eyes go wide. 

For as many kisses he's given Rick, Rick's finally given one back.

"How do…" Rick has to give himself a second to say it, "vampires… choose where they live? Do they pick warm places? Like you did here… Do they live in cities more because there are more people, or…?"

"Why does anyone live anywhere, Rick?" Negan says softly as he scoots closer, and Rick's eyebrows knit. Negan reaches out his fingers on the hand Rick's holding and traces one along Rick's bottom lip. Negan licks his own as he locks eyes with him. Rick swallows thickly. 

He smiles tensely and moves away a little so Negan's fingers aren't touching him anymore. He wets his lips and swallows, then hums. He's still holding Negan's hand. This he squeezes and rubs softly, looking down at it. 

"I don't know, Negan." 

Negan lets Rick massage his hand for a moment, enjoying the feeling immensely, before he pushes forward to touch Rick's cheek softly. He trails his fingers down the scruff growing there, tracing Rick's jawline. 

"Resources, mostly," he says as he touches Rick, and Rick makes a low noise in annoyance, but lets Negan touch him. It actually does… feel nice. "If a place has what you need, you settle down. If it doesn't, you move on." He shrugs lightly. "Everyone needs different things, including vampires. Some are more solitary; they prefer houses on the outskirts of towns." 

Rick snorts and shakes his head with a smile. _Uh-huh_. 

Negan smirks and winks. 

"And some enjoy being around people and live in the city and work nine to five jobs in big buildings."

"Right." It makes sense. "...How many vampires are around here?" he asks. "Do you know? What's the closest one? Do vampires have territory or something?" Rick looks at him carefully, fearful but anxious for his answers.

Negan smiles at the onslaught of questions. Rick's curious when he's tired. Negan wonders how long through the day Rick'll sleep if he just keeps answering them. 

Negan gets close enough to rest his chin on Rick's shoulder, and then does just that. He pushes his hand back along Rick's jaw, and Rick sighs. Having Negan's large hand cradling his face is… pleasant. Negan can be so gentle when he wants to be… And then Negan moves his hand back towards Rick's ear, turning his head ever the more to look at him. Negan can feel Rick's warm breath on his face. He hums. 

"Around here, I'm the only vampire you'll have to worry about, _Rick_ …" he says, purring his name. "No, we don't have territories, but…" He presses his fingers behind Rick's ear, kneading the skin there, and Rick shivers, squeezing his eyes shut briefly and curling up a little. "The humans we bite. Our saliva makes you smell like us. If another vampire smelled you…" He tilts his head up and kisses under Rick's chin. "They'd know you're mine."

Rick whimpers dazedly. "Y-yours? I'm not…" Rick makes a small noise and swallows, but doesn't finish the thought. 

Negan smirks. _Oh, you're mine alright_ , he thinks.

"Well… I don't think I'll be much help in keeping other vamps away then…" Rick says, "not unless you let me go back to town." After a moment, Rick laughs deep in his chest, almost drunkenly. He's exhausted and, when he's exhausted, things are funnier than they actually are. He stops just short of suggesting that Negan should bite some more people to mark the town as his. He thinks in daylight he wouldn't be as amused by such a thought. He giggles a little at the idea to himself anyway. 

Negan hums and chuckles at Rick's laughter. The human is so tired. Negan should really let him sleep. But, he's so close. And so… pliable like this. He noses at Rick's jawline, pushing his head up, and Rick whines desperately. He coughs, but drops his head back onto the pillow. He can see a sliver of moonlight stream into the room, and he watches the dust moats float in it. Negan kisses the soft skin under Rick's chin again, moving down and kissing his Adam's apple. Rick groans. 

" _Ffff…_ " he says, the beginnings of a curse, and exhales sharply. His hands find their way to Negan's shoulders… his neck… his _hair_. His fingers seem to float along the other man's cool skin, his soft, short, salt-and-pepper hair. 

"Don't worry. None will visit anyway," Negan says, his lips brushing Rick's neck.

"None're comin', huh?" Rick asks, and whines again when Negan kisses him. He can feel the other man's lips on the short whiskers at his neck. It tickles, but also feels so good. He wants more of that. He tangles his fingers deeper into Negan's hair and grips it, tugging gently. Just enough to pull him off but not in disapproval… more in a challenge. Negan growls softly, smirking against his skin. Rick's hands on him spur him on, and he ignores Rick's question, continuing to press kisses up and down his neck, staying above the collar. He finds that he almost wishes it wasn't there, craving more of Rick's skin to taste.

Rick whines as Negan kisses him, and then he's whining more when Negan looks up at him as he moves slowly on top of him, straddling him under the blankets. _Dear God_. Negan keeps his body low, and presses his clothed chest against Rick's bare one, but doesn't put his full _dead_ weight on him. 

Rick moans, and to his shame, he has to keep himself from rutting against Negan's leg. _Hell_. He bites his lip and drops his head back down, digging his fingers into Negan's scalp. _Fuck_. Negan's got his hands on Rick's shoulders as he moves his head down and presses a kiss to the middle of his chest, humming softly. Rick whines again. " _Negan…_ " he keens, and Negan grins against his skin. Rick pulls on Negan's hair and growls low in his throat, squirming a little, and Negan groans. 

Fuck, that's good. He shivers as Rick says his name. _Fuck. That's good_. 

Negan can feel the heat rolling off Rick. It's like a sauna for him, and he loves it. He keeps his eyes looking up at Rick's face as he starts to move down his body, leaving a trail of kisses down his chest. Rick whines helplessly and his grip on Negan's hair loosens at the kisses. _Oh god._ Negan's hands follow, smoothing down Rick's hot skin, feeling his heart thumping and his lungs breathing. 

He places kisses all over Rick's stomach before kissing at his hips, right above the top of his pants. He licks at the skin there before nipping softly, careful not to break the skin. 

Rick _keens_. 

"N-N- _Ne-gan_..." he moans, shivering as a fine sweat covers his body in the cool room. His fingernails dig into Negan's scalp again, and Negan growls in pleasure at the feeling of Rick's hands in his hair, and at the _beautiful_ noises he's making. He could listen to those whines and pants forever.

Rick can't stop the way his hips tilt upwards and he can't deny that he's hard right now. _Jesus Christ_ , since when did he have the threshold of a thirteen-year-old? He flushes furiously and whines, tossing his head to the side. He lets go of Negan's hair and instead grips the sheets, clawing at them in a futile attempt to ground himself. He pants harder, eyes searching for anything to focus on and failing. 

Negan holds Rick's hips down with a solid grip when he bucks them and Rick's whine turns into a sob. _Fucking—_

Rick's arousal is like a thick perfume to Negan now, and he knows his pupils have blown wide with it. All he wants is to consume the smell. Consume _Rick_.

What does Rick taste like in this state? 

Negan hums and moves to Rick's other hip. He repeats the kiss, lick, nip that he had done on the other side, making Rick moan, but this time he bites just a little harder and licks the beads of blood that ooze from him - Rick _yelps,_ andNegan groans in ecstasy, his hands shaking against Rick's sides. _God, that's good._

" _Negan—_ " Rick starts, looking down at him. He can see a glint of the man's sharp white teeth in the faint moonlight. 

Negan pauses. As delectable as it is, he doesn't want to feed again so soon… and he's sure he'll get Rick in this state again. So, he licks the wound closed and looks up at Rick. 

Rick had paused to watch Negan lick the bead of blood. "Wh—" he tries, before he bites his lip and lets his head fall back. No, no, he should just let him do it. It's _fine_. Rick swallows and groans. Negan's saliva is cool and Rick wonders how much of the vampire's scent is transferred, like he said. Does it enter his bloodstream? Is that what makes him smell like him? 

The thought sends a spark of interest to his dick, and it twitches. He grits his teeth and whines. 

" _Rick_ ," Negan purrs. "Rick, tell me what you want." 

" _Uhhhh…._ " What the hell does he want? Rick doesn't have a clue. _Fuck me_ , his mind supplies - but he isn't… isn't sure about that just yet. Dammit. 

Negam moves a hand off of Rick's hip and smoothes it up his stomach, trailing his fingers back down softly, tracing along the hem of Rick's pants. Rick shudders. Negan's cool skin is a balm on his hot, damp body. He wants Negan to lie on him to cool him down. He laughs softly, but then Negan's tracing his hemline and he whines again. 

"Uh—" he swallows. "Uhhhhh… I don't… don't know what— _what—_ " Rick squeezes his eyes shut and bites his lip. What is Negan offering anyway? What does he want to do? 

He ruts against Negan's body again without meaning to and shudders at the friction. _Just— just like that… is what he wants…_

Negan huffs a laugh and pushes Rick's hips down to the bed again. "Down, boy," he growls softly, and Rick _whines_. He sobs quietly and wriggles, trying to tug Negan's arms away. 

Keeping his hands on Rick, Negan pushes himself up and kisses Rick's chin. Rick whimpers, and Negan hovers his face about an inch away. He presses their chests together but makes sure not to touch Rick's clothed erection. 

Oh, god. Rick breathes heavily. They're so _fucking close_.

Negan smirks. "Rick, tell me what you _want_. Tell me what you _need_." He wants to hear Rick beg for his touch. Wants the man mewling for Negan to satisfy him.

Rick swallows thickly. _Uhhhh_...

He pants softly, biting his lip. He closes his eyes and turns his head away, going even more red with embarrassment. He whines again - bucking against Negan's strong hold and whimpering when he doesn't get anywhere, making the vampire smile. Negan keeps a solid grip on him, even as he grabs hold of Negan's arms.

"I want…. _uhmmm_ … I want…" he looks back at Negan and whimpers. He swallows, and bucks again, and licks his lips desperately. "Could you… please…… _kiss me?"_ He whines softly again, his eyebrows knitting as he grips Negan's arms. He wants Negan to kiss him so badly right now. 

Negan follows Rick's tongue with his eyes, listening to those amazing words spilling from his lips. He shivers and leans forward, kissing Rick on the cheek. Rick opens his mouth in confusion. That's nice, though he meant… 

And then Negan kisses him at the corner of his mouth. 

And then fully on his lips. 

It's a gentle kiss. Lips pressed against lips. Negan closes his eyes and relishes the feeling of Rick's soft mouth against his, and their short beards brushing. It's a strange prickly feeling, but not an unpleasant one. 

Rick's hands rub up Negan's arms as he shifts and kisses him back deeply, whimpering and moaning. He tastes so good. It's a metallic taste - and Rick realizes he's probably tasting his own blood.

Again and again, Negan pulls back then and presses forward. He kisses Rick lazily but fully, like they've all the time in the world to just lay here and savor each other. 

Rick groans and makes a quick face of disgust when Negan kisses him again, thinking of the blood, but Negan's kissing him so urgently that he forgets what his problem was in the space of a moment. He whimpers and kisses back deeply, and soon his hands move to Negan's sides, his shoulders, his head. He holds his face in both hands as they kiss, gently tangling his fingers in Negan's wavy black hair. 

The sensation of kissing another man is… thrilling, Rick thinks as he looks into Negan's dark chestnut eyes that flutter closed when they kiss as Rick's do. Rick's always known he likes men, though he didn't act on that urge with them nearly as much as he did with women. And the feeling is entirely different. Where women are soft and bare, men are rough and bristly. Negan himself is large and heavy and rugged, but his kisses are soft and slow, and Rick melts into them while also eagerly returning them in kind. 

Negan hums against Rick's lips, soaking up the feeling that Rick's hands all over him leave. He wants Rick to touch him. Wants him to explore. He wants to feel Rick all over, and he wants Rick to feel him back. 

He breaks the kiss for a moment, leaning back and tugging off his shirt, tossing it to the floor. Rick laughs softly - _well now_ \- and then he groans when Negan's hands go back to holding his hips down. _Oh, fuck_. 

Negan looks down at him and licks his lips, smiling like a cat who's just caught lunch. Rick looks so good panting and sweating beneath him. Oh, Negan wants to paint this scene so badly. He wants to capture it forever and stare at it till the ends of his days. 

He swoops back in and connects their lips again, and Rick moans at the intrusion, his hands going to Negan's sides. Negan nips at Rick's lips in a silent plea to get him to open for him, and Rick yelps in surprise, his eyes widening. And then he realizes that Negan's trying to coax his mouth open. He snorts in amusement, but it becomes a needy whine a moment later, and he opens his mouth as requested. Simultaneously, his hands feel and explore Negan's torso. He's chilly to the touch, but the sensation is cooling for Rick's overheated body, and he shudders gratefully. 

Under Rick's wandering hands, Negan groans into Rick's mouth then. The human's hands are so warm, like fire trailing up his skin, and he loves it. He leans into Rick's hands as he leans into Rick's now open mouth. Negan explores Rick's mouth with his tongue, running it over Rick's teeth before pressing it to his tongue. 

Rick groans and whimpers and lets Negan do what he wishes. It's a strange, confusing, odd sensation having Negan's tongue in his mouth. He thinks he likes it? Maybe? His tongue is soft and warm and _everywhere_. It's nice but also… Rick makes an uncomfortable noise and pulls away slightly - Negan tenses slightly and opens his eyes. _Did he do something wrong?_ \- but then right after, Rick leans back up to kiss Negan on the side of the lips. He wants to encourage him to keep going, just… not like that. He smiles sheepishly, and Negan relaxes. _Ok, okay._

He smiles back and laughs softly, pecking Rick on the lips. Rick laughs softly and looks at Negan wryly.

" _Rick_ ," Negan says, rolling the 'R.' "You… are delectable." He kisses Rick's cheek, and Rick bites his lip. "You are superb." He leans back and kisses Rick's chest, shifting so that he's straddling Rick's hips. Rick laughs softly again and makes a small noise, groaning. _Fuck…_

Negan replaces his hands by sitting down on Rick instead. He gazes down at him, smoothing his hands up and down his sides and his chest, just feeling all he can. Rick whimpers and automatically goes to grip Negan's arms. It tickles just the tiniest bit. He bites his lips and looks at Negan above him. 

"You are beautiful," Negan breathes with a gleam in his eye, and Rick snorts. _Uh-huh_. 

"Right," he says with the faintest bit of amusement. If Negan wants to say it Rick'll take it but… he doesn't think he's any of those things. 

Negan cocks his head and frowns slightly at him. _Right? That's all?_ He slides his hands down to Rick's sides and holds them there, unhindered by Rick's hands on his arms, while Rick only watches carefully. "Right? Right? You believe me, dontcha, Rick?" Negan says, and Rick gets a sense that something's coming. Something he won't like. "I'm being honest here, and I have a feeling that you..." He digs his fingers softly into Rick's sides. 

"Negan…" he says warningly. 

"Don't…" Negan taps Rick slowly. "Trust me." Negan grins evilly and really starts tickling Rick's sides, keeping his weight on him to keep him from getting away. Rick can't help but laugh helplessly and squirm, though he feels muddled all of a sudden. 

"Negan! Negan, _no!_ " he tries through laughter, grabbing Negan's wrists and using all his strength to still him. Negan grins and snorts a laugh as he lets Rick pull his hands away. He gazes down at him, glee in his eyes. He knew Rick would hate that, but it was too tempting to pass up, and easy enough to apologize for. 

Rick breathes heavily, sweaty and tired. "If you're gonna do that then I'm gonna sleep in the other room," he says calmly. 

Negan rolls his wrists, grabbing Rick's, and leans forward to lock them onto the pillows next to his head. Rick whimpers pathetically. _Oh, Fuck_. Negan's face hovers over his again. 

"Ah, Rick," Negan purrs. "But if you went to the other room then who would help you with _this_?" He smirks and rocks back against Rick's erection.

Rick inhales sharply. This is… too much, and not what he wants right now. 

" _Negan…_ " he says, grimacing and turning away and hoping Negan gets the message. 

Negan cocks his head and frowns, his heart aching as Rick turns away. That's… not the reaction he was looking for. Rick has been trying so desperately to grind against him, Negan was sure he'd have enjoyed the contact. 

"Hey, hey," he says quietly, rubbing his thumbs on Rick's wrists softly, and Rick's eyebrows knit and he relaxes at Negan's gentleness. Negan leans forward, and kisses Rick's cheek. Rick swallows. "Rick, tell me what you want. You want me to touch you? You want my hands? My mouth?" He kisses up to Rick's temple. "You wanna be on top?" He hums and smiles.

Rick laughs in amusement. Him, on top. Uh-huh. 

He sighs and looks back up at Negan. "Just…" He tugs on his wrists for Negan to let him go. He's not upset, he just wants Negan to shift off for a second. 

Negan frowns softly. Did he do something wrong? Rick doesn't seem _angry_ , but… He pulls away from Rick, sitting up again. He keeps himself raised up on his knees so that he's just hovering over Rick's hips, but not putting any pressure down. His fingers rest softly on Rick's stomach. "Rick…?" He cocks his head, making a questioning noise in his throat, looking the picture of a worried dog with his tail between his legs.

Rick smiles gently and puts his hands on Negan's on his stomach, then takes them in his own to rub. He looks up at him. "It's fine, just lie back down," he says, and uses his left hand to push on Negan's shoulder gently. "I wanna do something else." He brings Negan's right hand to his lips to kiss softly, holding it there. 

Negan smiles. "Alright," he says, shifting off of him and laying down beside him. He presses close, stroking Rick's cheek with the hand that he kissed. "Better?"

Rick smiles and sighs. "Yeah," he says, enjoying Negan's touch on his cheek for a minute. He could just fall asleep right here… but he's still a little aroused. 

He takes a breath to calm himself down before he pulls the thick covers back over the both of them. This time it's Negan's turn to watch him carefully. Then, quickly and shakily, Rick shimmies out of his pants, leaving him bare. 

Negan's eyes widen, and he gasps softly. _What…?_

Rick swallows and turns around so his back is to Negan's chest, making Negan shiver and press a soft kiss to Rick's shoulder. Rick wiggles closer, taking Negan's right hand, and brings it over himself. He holds it to his chest over his heart for a second, letting Negan feel the beat of it, before he moves it to his mouth. He shivers, and kisses it over and over again. Negan hums, soaking up the attention, loving it. 

Rick turns his upper body slightly so he's _just_ glancing over at Negan, before he carefully licks one digit, and then puts it in his mouth. Negan's eyes widen, and Rick sucks gently, slowly, _suggestively_. He has a problem and he hopes Negan understands what he's trying to do to fix that… 

Negan opens his mouth in a choked moan. He instinctively curls forward against Rick, pressing their bodies flush, and watches his finger disappear into the wet heat of Rick's mouth. _"R… ick…"_ he groans. He rolls his hips, rutting gently, and Rick shivers. God, that feels good. The stimulation of Rick's mouth is sending some of the blood in Negan's body south, but it hasn't quite reached there yet.

He presses his finger against Rick's tongue, and Rick nearly whines. Yes, just like that. Negan thinks he knows what Rick wants, but he's not sure. "What do you want, Rick?" He breathes into his ear. "Say it. Tell me what you want."

Rick hums as he adjusts to get another of Negan's fingers into his mouth, getting them nice and wet. Negan bites down on his bottom lip and groans. _Fuck._ He presses his fingers into Rick's tongue, loving the feeling.

" _Touch me_ ," Rick says breathlessly, licking Negan's thumb next and enjoying the rough-smooth texture of it. His fingers are clean, though Rick gets a tiny bit of grit in his mouth, but it's nice. He likes it. " _Please_ ," he whines shakily, rutting back against Negan. 

It doesn't seem like Negan's too aroused by this, but Rick remembers Negan saying that 'the desire for sex had been all but erased in him'... but he seems into it otherwise, so he must like it regardless? Rick doesn't mind if he's not physically aroused, but it is important to him that Negan's enjoying this as well. He certainly wouldn't be initiating any of this if Negan hadn't expressed an interest in his body, anyway. 

When Rick ruts, Negan shudders. God, this man doesn't know how amazing he is. Negan smirks and says, "Where at, Rick?" 

He bucks into Rick once more, liking the friction and Rick's reaction, and Rick _yelps_ , though more from the gentle friction on his now weeping cock than anything. _Fuck_. 

Negan pops his thumb from Rick's mouth, and then slides his palm down Rick's side and hip. Rick shivers, thinking he knows where Negan's going… when Negan slips his hand behind him and grabs a handful of his ass. Rick cries out in surprise and jerks away, growling. Then Negan licks the shell of his ear and Rick whimpers and bucks. _Oh, that feels so damn good._

Negan hums in satisfaction. _Yes, that's good._ "Here?" he growls playfully into Rick's ear.

Rick whines, face gone red again, but he doesn't— doesn't like how Negan's acting again. 

He pulls himself together after a second and pushes himself up, facing Negan and glaring. "Negan," he says seriously, "I _will_ leave if you keep being like this. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea but I don't want you to—to _tease me_ , not—not the first time, okay?" His glare loses its fire and he feels suddenly like he's drowning in a lake in a storm. 

Negan puts his hand up in an 'I surrender' motion as Rick rounds on him. His face falls, his eyes go soft. Oh no. Oh, no no no. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he says, biting his lip. "I-It's just... I—I… it's how I am, and I haven't… done this in a while…"

Rick looks at him cautiously, and Negan averts his eyes, looking down at the bed. "I'm sorry, I am. Please, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable… Rick, just… tell me what you want to do." He sighs. Why does he keep messing this up? He caught Rick's 'not the first time' comment, holding on to the hope that they'd get to do this again, but if Negan doesn't fix this now, he doesn't think they will.

Rick listens earnestly, the tension and unease leaving him slowly as Negan talks. He swallows and wipes his face. 

"It's okay. I get it. I don't know… I don't know right now. Let's just sleep, okay? Or me at least." He half-smiles, but it's gone a second later. He holds the blankets around his lap, and Negan sniffs and looks up at him. "I've probably been up too long for this. What time is it anyway?" He looks around for a second before he remembers. "Oh, right. No working watch." He looks to Negan, a small tired smile on his face. 

Negan gives him a small smile back. He wipes his still wet fingers off the bed before reaching up and caressing Rick's face. "I'm sorry," he says again. Is he apologizing for making Rick uncomfortable again or is apologizing for not having a watch? He doesn't even know. He just knows he's sorry, and he wants Rick to forgive him, and he wants to kiss him again.

Rick puts his own hand over Negan's on his face and rubs Negan's hand gently, looking down. "Thanks," he says. "Can you please… close your eyes for a second," he says sheepishly. He wants to get his pants back on. It's probably ridiculous wanting privacy right now, but. 

Negan studies Rick's face for a moment before nodding and closing his eyes. "Just say when," he says, shifting and laying down on his back, resting his head on the pillow. 

He rubs at his face, keeping his eyes closed. He still feels like he's messed up something. He feels bad that he didn't get Rick off. He didn't satisfy him. Didn't please him. The part Negan loves the most is when his partner is in utter bliss, and he… he didn't get there. He sighs and rests his hands down on his stomach.

"Thanks," Rick says again, softly. He's relieved Negan's being calm about this. He does look a little agitated, but Rick can't really help that. He sighs deeply and grabs his pants under the covers. He pulls them on and then grabs his shirt, too, pulling that on as well. He shivers. "Alright," he says, crossing his arms and looking down at Negan gently. 

He doesn't say it, but he thinks tomorrow he's going to ask Negan to take the collar off. Who knows if he'll do it. It just creates… too much of a power imbalance for him to want any of this with it on. And if Negan wants to be intimate with him then… that has to change. 

And he thinks maybe he misjudged Negan. He doesn't know why, but he thought maybe Negan would be… a little more considerate. It seems insane in hindsight. In any event, Rick vows to himself to act differently from now on. He doesn't know exactly what that means, but he'll figure it out as he goes. Not being as vulnerable, maybe. 

Negan opens his eyes when Rick says he can. He looks up at him. He wants to apologize again. He wants to apologize forever. Instead, he turns to his side, facing Rick, and curls his arms into his chest. He scoots towards Rick and softly bumps his head against the side of his upper thigh that sticks out from the covers.

Rick snorts, smiling slightly. _Uh-huh._

He sighs and moves away from Negan a little, lying down himself and pulling the covers up to his chest under his arms. He looks to the ceiling, then the door, then the hooks full of _Lucille_ collars. He makes a face and sighs. 

Negan watches Rick for a moment, not moving. He's so on edge now, afraid he's going to scare him. He can't get a read on Rick's feelings, and he doesn't like it. 

After a minute, he scoots closer. He reaches out his hand, softly touching Rick's arm, letting him know he's there, before trailing his fingers across Rick's chest until his arm is resting over the other. He doesn't pull him, just lets it lay, studying him, ready to move away at a moments notice.

Rick looks down at Negan's hand distrustfully and makes a low noise of discomfort. He doesn't really know what he's feeling right now but he just… needs some space.

Negan flinches back like he's been burned at the noise. He curls his arms into his own chest again and scoots away from him. He turns to his other side and stares at his dresser across the room. 

He's trying to keep his anger in check. He can feel it boiling up past the regret and fear he feels, but he knows it's not Rick's fault. He knows it's his own damn fault, but he can't help but be frustrated at the hot-cold reactions he's getting. 

Maybe Rick just needs sleep. It is _very_ late, probably around two in the morning. He'll let Rick rest and deal with _this_ later.

Rick watches regretfully when Negan turns away. Well, he didn't mean for _that_ to happen. 

He knows he's acting weird. He feels weird. He doesn't know what he's feeling, exactly, and he kind of wishes he could get up and go sleep in the other room like he'd said he'd do. But he doesn't want to sleep on the hard ground, he doesn't want Negan to let him go, and he doesn't want Negan to let him stay there, either. He just wants… he doesn't know what he wants. He wants Negan to _care_ about him a little. Is that too much to ask when Negan wants to get close to him emotionally like this?

And he doesn't like these changing moods of Negan's. He always feels guilty when he reacts, he thinks, perfectly normally to contradictory behavior on Negan's part, and Negan gets flustered and upset at him. How is that fair? He's _trying_ to ease into whatever fucked up kind of intimacy this is - something he thought _Negan_ wanted - and Negan keeps treating him like he's a toy. He has _feelings_ , and he doesn't like being batted around like nothing. 

Rick groans and rubs between his eyes. He sits up. "Negan," he says. "Look. I don't want to go to sleep upset," he says with a sigh. 

Negan listens, but doesn't say anything. 

"This was nice. I just… I just don't like it when you tease and joke with me when I'm trying to…" Rick makes a frustrated noise, "I don't know. Get close to you? Trust you? I _want_ to trust you, Negan, but I don't like this thing you do where I'm trying to do that and you pull the rug out from under me. I'm not… against… teasing… but sometimes I'd just wish you'd save it for a different time. Does that make sense?" Rick sighs, wrapping his arms around himself. 

Negan listens to Rick's words, and he holds in a sigh. It does make sense, and Negan wants what Rick wants. He just can't seem to stop himself from teasing him, and he doesn't know why... 

He turns over and looks up at Rick. Nodding, he says, "Yes. It makes sense. I apologize again. I just… I think that…" He groans and puts his palms over his eyes. "Rick, I haven't gotten close to another person like this I'm a very long time, and I know that's… not really an excuse, but I think because of it, I'm having a difficult time judging what you'll be okay with." 

He drops his hands and gazes up at Rick. "I honestly need you to tell me specifically what you want me to do… Or, guide me if you don't wanna say it. I just…" he sighs. "I don't know how to get close to you... Rick, I don't know how to get you to trust me. I want to. I want to pleasure you and make you happy…" He reaches over and softly rests his fingers on Rick's arm. "I just… I need you to help me."

Rick swallows, and looks down when Negan touches his arm. 

"Okay…" he says after a moment. "I get that. I can do that." It sounds kind of strange, and terrifying, to voice what he wants like that, but he thinks if Negan wants him to, then he'll try at least. 

He thinks they ought to also have a talk about the dynamic the next evening, too. He doesn't know exactly what that means, but he doesn't like this weird inequality between them, and if Negan wants to have some kind of a relationship between them, then something's got to happen to change it in some way. Rick just can't deal with this emotional roller coaster anymore. It seems like Negan's being reasonable about what Rick wants, so Rick wonders how far that'll extend.

Negan smiles up at him. "Alright. Thank you," he says softly. He takes his hands back and sighs. "Will you please sleep now? You have to be exhausted, Rick. If you… if you want me to leave I will. I can sleep on the couch." Negan can't believe he's suggesting he get kicked out of his own bed, but he wants Rick to be comfortable, so… he'll do whatever it took to get there. 

At Negan's words, Rick realizes how truly tired he is. He nods, then shakes his head. "No, it's alright," he says. "Thank you for… offering, though." He sighs. All he wanted tonight was to curl up with Negan and sleep. He sniffs. He _is_ exhausted, and what does it matter, really? 

Rick lies back down and turns on his side facing away from Negan, but pressed up against him. He turns back to look at him and glances down. "Come on," he says quietly while holding up his hand and motioning for Negan to come a little closer.

Negan doesn't move until Rick asks him to, but when he does, Negan smiles slightly in relief and moves closer, wrapping his arm around Rick and curling into him. He buries his face into the back of Rick's neck and sniffs. He hums and sighs. Negan thinks that if his tears wouldn't scare Rick off, he would be crying, just a little bit, right now.

Rick makes a small noise and sighs. This is nice. This is better. He pulls the covers up more and then sighs again, curling up into a smaller ball and yawning. After a minute or two, he hesitantly takes Negan's hand and holds it under his chin with his own, falling asleep not too long after. 

Negan lets Rick move him as he pleases, just happy that he seems to be okay with him again. He listens to Rick's breathing and heartbeat as they slow down and even out. There's really only a few more hours before he himself'll fall asleep, but in the time he has, he stays close and enjoys Rick's heat. 

He can't help but feel like he should really be taking control of this situation. He has innumerable advantages over Rick. He has the strength and power to make Rick do whatever he wants him to. He could kill Rick right now in an instant, and he'd barely have exerted any energy. 

But he can't. 

He won't. 

He's just not sure how, but within the past couple days, Rick's managed to worm his way into Negan's cold, dead heart. 

Negan can feel the rise of the sun as his eyelids grow heavy. He places a soft kiss to the back of Rick's neck before he finally drifts off.


	12. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick almost feels settled at Negan's cabin, when something entirely unexpected happens that changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just wanted to thank you again for sticking around for this long and leaving such great comments! TvT This chapter holds another turning point in the story that I hope you'll enjoy <3 
> 
> [Translations can be found at the end.]

**Saturday, April 23rd, 1881**

Rick wakes warm and comfortable, with a heavy weight around him. He sighs, and cuddles into Negan further, holding Negan's arm close to his chest. The vampire still feels a little dead, but Rick knows he's not, so it's fine. 

It's fine. 

Rick sighs and shifts around so he's looking at Negan. He's perfectly still, though Rick supposes that he doesn't have _quite_ the same pallor as the dead do. They're more ashy and loose. Negan looks fine. He just doesn't breathe or have a pulse or blood running through his veins. Rick sighs again, and as he looks toward the door he notices a large black lump on the end of the bed that's just raising its head to yawn— _Lucille?_

Lucille yawns and looks back as she hears him stir. Her tail thumps happily on the blankets as she looks at him and gives a soft _"arf!"_

Rick smiles. "Hey, girl," he says, reaching down to give her a rub on the head. He sits back, arms around his knees. He looks back to Negan and sighs again. After a second, he reaches over and runs a hand through Negan's hair, just because he can and Negan isn't liable to wake up any time soon. He doesn't wake up all that easily, Rick's realized. 

He trails his hand down to Negan's neck, pets the soft skin there, and runs his fingers down Negan's back. Negan has a bit of hair, but he's not like a bear or anything. Rick chuckles softly. He's seen some hairy men in his day, too. No, Negan has a good hair-to-skin ratio. It makes him soft. 

Shaking his head, Rick gets out of bed, giving Lucille another pet as he goes to grab his clothes and get dressed. 

Rick takes his night clothes off and pulls on his day clothes. He adjusts the collar so it sits better on his throat and tries not to get upset again that it's stuck around his neck. He grumbles as he opens the door - and waits for a second, looking at Lucille, to see if she wants to come with him. "Hm?" he hums at her, the door open wide. 

Lucille stops panting and perks up, standing and shaking out her fur before hopping off the bed, claws clicking on the floor as she trots into the kitchen. 

Rick smiles lopsidedly. "There ya go," he says affectionately, closing the door. The first thing he does is open the curtains to let some light in. He hopes Negan won't mind, but he hasn't said anything about it so far so it must be okay.

Lucille stops in front of her food bowl and whines pitifully, looking over at Rick with big eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I see ya," he says with a smile. "Just hold on a second." He gets some meat from the icebox and puts it in her bowl. "You're so spoiled," he says with a shake of his head, giving her a rub between her ears, and she chortles in response before scarfing down her food with an array of wet noises.

Next, Rick quickly splashes some water on his face and, using the toothbrush Negan got him, brushes his teeth in the basin in the kitchen, pouring water from the pitcher as he needs. It feels good to have clean teeth after so long. He didn't always brush his teeth, but once he realized how healthy it seemed, he did it at least once a day, instilling the habit into Carl and making sure Judith got hers done by Olivia as well, until she could do it for herself. 

They're running out of water, so he goes to fill up the bucket and then makes himself some eggs with vegetables and bacon over the stove. Lucille scarfs down her food and licks her lips when she's done before watching Rick make his own breakfast, following him around.

The food smells amazing and Rick wolfs it down hungrily. He cleans up and closes the curtains before grabbing his hat and standing in the doorway, taking a deep lungful of cool morning air. Lucille pushes past him and runs out into the yard. She barks happily and runs around in circles, waiting for Rick to come out. She hasn't had this much fun with him, ever.

Rick laughs and sighs before closing the door and coming down the steps to play with her, energized by her enthusiasm. It's nice, being out here and feeling alright for once. 

But soon he gets antsy and wants to work on the garden. He wants to get going on it so he has something to do here. He pats Lucille.

"Good girl," he says, and she barks at him happily.

Once in the barn, he stops in front of Negan's workbench and puts his hands on his hips. He scans the various tools hanging up and lying about curiously. He finds a shovel leaning against the barn wall and some old trowels, a spade, a gardening fork, a rake, and other useful things. What he really needs right now, though, are some gloves… which he finds tucked under some cans under the bench. Perfect. 

Lucille follows him into the barn but stops to bark up at the barn cats who are sleeping in the rafters. They flick their tails at her lazily, but the calico stands up and stretches, jumping down and landing on Lucille's back. She barks happily.

When Rick goes out through the back, she follows him. 

There, Rick gets Negan's axe, still stuck in the chopping block. "Gonna rust if you keep it out here," he says, shaking his head and pulling it out. He smoothes the edge of the blade to see if it's sharp and then sticks it in his belt. 

Lucille watches him do this, a little apprehensive, but trusting enough for now, and then trots after him as he heads out into the woods to find some good trees for fence and garden-box lumber. She stays by his side as he goes, and pants happily as the calico cat sits on her back. It looks up at Rick and meows, and he grins down at it. 

"Hey there," he says, petting it softly.

There isn't much underbrush, even up in the mountain, so it's easy to walk through the grass past downed branches and broken scrub. The warm sun shines down on them, and Rick takes comfort in Lucille's calm, easy panting. He knows if something starts approaching she'll hear it long before he does and warn him. 

It isn't long before he finds a tree he likes the look of. It isn't too big, maybe the width of his hand. He makes sure Lucille and the cat are a ways away, telling Lucille to " _stay,_ " - she lays down in the soft grass and the barn cat curl up next to her, burying herself in Lucille's dark fur - before he takes the axe from his belt and starts to chop. He keeps with a downward motion, doing first one side and then the other, the noise echoing around the dry, bare forest. Lucille and the cat watch as he hacks away, tails flicking in time to the _whacks_ of the axe.

When the tree finally comes down around half an hour later, it's with a satisfying, _resounding_ crash. 

The calico's hair stands on end, but she just buries herself under Lucille who lays there panting like nothing odd's happened at all.

Though exhausted, panting, and soaked with sweat, Rick grins. He feels accomplishment unlike he's felt in weeks. He looks to Lucille and the cat to see their reaction, thinking the cat might have run away from the noise. 

Lucille barks at him and he laughs, amused to see the hint of a cat buried under Lucille's thick black fur. That's adorable. 

"Yeah, that wasn't so bad, right?" he asks Lucille breathlessly, wiping his forehead. He takes his gloves off and fans himself with them for a minute, before he puts the axe in his belt again and gets back to work, this time to haul the tree back to the house. Lucille and the cat follow along with him. 

"Think you can help next time?" he asks Lucille. "Get ya all fitted with a harness." He laughs again as he pulls the tree through the forest over his shoulder and under his arm, alternating when the position gets uncomfortable. 

Soon he's got the log in the backyard, and he drops it down with a heavy exhale. 

"Well. We'll see how many of _those_ I can do before the sun goes down, huh?" he says to Lucille. She barks and sits down in the shade, the cat curled into her side. Rick takes off his hat and fans himself with it. "Yeah good idea," he says, and heads inside the house. He pokes around the cupboards before he finds some lemons and the sugar. He smiles. Good. 

He makes himself some lemonade with cool creek water and sits outside in one of the rocking chairs, enjoying the breeze as it blows the sweat from his body. He has a mind to go back out and chop down some more trees… but he suddenly feels the emptiness of the land. It rolls through him and makes him shiver. He swallows. 

He abruptly sits forward with his boots flat on the wood and puts his face in his hands. He groans. He's so lonely out here. And it's so strange to have nobody but the animals for company during the day. Back home in town, when he would do errands around the yard and in the stables, Carl was usually there helping and asking questions and learning how to do everything, and Judith would totter around too sometimes with Olivia there to watch as she sewed in the shade. And the townsfolk would come by fairly regularly asking about this or that and asking for his help with others in the town.

Here on Negan's land, the sun warms the earth, the breeze blows through, the birds chirp and cry, and the bugs hum through the air - but all he wants is some human interaction. 

As the sheriff, he was used to talking to so many people every day. 

Now he's cut off from _everyone_ , including those who mean the most to him.

He sighs. 

He goes back inside and cleans the glass before looking towards Negan's shut bedroom door. Then he glances to the open front door. He swallows. 

He goes over, closes the front door, and slowly goes to Negan's. He opens it quietly and closes it just the same. This might be stupid, but who's here to see or judge him but Negan, and Negan's the one who constantly encourages interaction…

So Rick takes off his boots and gets onto the bed. He looks at Negan's face, his closed eyes. He wonders what would happen if he woke Negan up because he was lonely, and bored. He doesn't understand why the vampire has to sleep the whole day. It seems ridiculous to him. 

"Negan?" he whispers, watching Negan's face. 

He waits a few minutes, but nothing happens. Sighing, he reaches out and strokes Negan's cheek. He runs his hand through his hair gently. Nothing works, and Rick groans. 

He gets back up, and goes into the kitchen. He takes a small knife from the drawer and grits his teeth. He doesn't know why he's about to do something so strange. Not for Negan's approval, that's for sure. It's crazy. He wonders if he wants to drive _Negan_ crazy. 

As he gets back into the bed he chuckles and, once there, he takes his right index finger and puts the knife over the skin. He takes a breath before he makes the smallest cut. Just enough to draw blood. He grunts at the pain, but then moves his finger to Negan's mouth. Opening Negan's jaws, he pushes his finger past Negan's lips and - Rick shivers - his sharp teeth, making sure blood is touching his tongue. 

It's a mirror act of what he did last night with Negan's fingers, and Rick can't help but smile slightly at the weird, bizarre poetry of it. 

Negan's eyes fly open as soon as the blood hits his tongue. Before even he knows what's happening, his teeth lock down around the digit in his mouth, breaking the skin and releasing more blood. Rick cries out - he expected Negan to do that, though it doesn't make it any less painful - and Negan groans as he licks and sucks on the finger. Oh, it's _so good_. Rick keeps his hand still as Negan sucks so his teeth don't cause any more damage to his finger. But that doesn't stop him from curling up a little more, biting his lip and closing his eyes tightly. He forces himself to breathe. 

It's only then that Negan looks up and sees who the digit is attached to. His eyes widen and he swallows down one more time before unlocking his teeth and letting his mouth fall open. When Negan releases him, Rick blinks slowly and looks into his suddenly red eyes. He swallows thickly, but smiles. 

"Hi…" he says. "You can keep—keep going for a little bit if you want…" Rick blinks, his eyebrows drawn. He isn't sure why he's offering that. It's probably a stupid idea. But whatever.

Negan furrows his brow. What on earth is this man doing? Waking him up early. _Feeding_ him. Is Rick just bored or is he trying to get himself killed? Had he never heard the expression 'let sleeping dogs lie'? Still… he isn't sure Rick's intentions, but he's offering his blood freely, and Negan doesn't want to pass up on the offer. 

So, confused but willing, Negan lets his tongue fall from his mouth as he licks Rick's finger back into his mouth. Rick sighs at the motion. Negan knows he just fed from him, so he can't take a lot, but the blood flows slowly, so he doesn't think it'll be a problem. 

Negan drinks lazily, looking at Rick's face the whole time. He brings a hand up to take Rick's and massages his thumb into Rick's palm as he feeds, humming softly. Rick shivers. That feels nice. And the numbness has already erased the pain in his finger from the last two minutes, which he's grateful for. His eyes fall shut as a slow wave of pleasant warmth tingles over him. 

"You don't mind that I woke you up?" 

Negan blinks. Does he mind that Rick woke him? 

Kinda. 

He does like his sleep. 

But does he mind that Rick woke him the way he did? 

Hmm. 

Not really. 

He pops Rick's finger from his mouth and takes one last open mouthed lick, closing the wounds. Rick shudders and squeezes his eyes shut. Negan licks his lips.

"No… It's fine." His voice is soft and still tired, but the snack is actually giving him a boost of energy. Rick blinks his eyes open. "Did you… need something? Is something wrong?"

Rick sighs, his hand still in Negan's. He feels a tiny bit lightheaded at the blood loss, and he wonders how much Negan took. But he thinks the sugar in the lemonade will probably help him feel better soon. 

He shifts a little closer. 

"No, nothing's wrong. I just wanted… to talk I guess." A wave of loneliness comes over him again, and he shivers. "I cut down a tree for the garden fence. Figured I'd do the rest today, see if I can debark 'em and start chopping them into pickets as long as it's light out."

Negan attempts to tilt his head at Rick, though it's still laying on a pillow. Rick just wants to talk? He cut himself to wake up Negan to talk?

"Kinda wish you were around to help, if you wanted to, anyway I guess. 'S not like you're gonna be eating anything in there." Rick laughs softly, and Negan's mouth turns up in a small smile. 

He wonders if Rick misses him or if he was just lonely. 

"Lucille isn't much help chopping trees, huh?" he says, laughing softly. He lets go of Rick's hand and places his on Rick's cheek, feeling the scruffy beard growing there. 

Rick shivers. 

"Yeah, I'll help," Negan sighs, thinking about getting up and functioning in the daytime. What a hassle. 

But Rick sighs in relief, curious and interested to see Negan walking out and around in the day.

Negan trails his fingers down to trace Rick's lips then. Rick resists the urge to lick. He swallows.

"But only if you kiss me first."

Rick's eyes snap to Negan's. He scoffs in disgust, laughing, but then he sees Negan's eyes and he stops, and sighs. Though it's not a melancholy sigh. It's one of consideration. He licks his lips. 

"Okay," he says softly, and leans in a moment later. He kisses Negan deeply, enjoying it, and Negan makes a noise of surprise. He's not complaining, though he is intrigued, wondering where Rick wants to go with this.

Rick stops to gasp for air after a few seconds, and then kisses him again, this time pushing Negan back hungrily with his lips as well as his hand on his shoulder, and gets up onto his knees to straddle him once Negan's on his back. He grins and kisses him gently from there, looking into his warm, wine-red eyes. Their bodies aren't actually touching, and Rick's reminded of the previous night when things had gone wrong. He doesn't want a repeat of _that_ any time soon.

Negan hums against Rick's lips, resting his hands lightly on his thighs. He kisses the human back, wondering if he can taste his own blood on Negan's lips. Rick sighs as they part, and the feel of Negan's hands on his thighs is… nice. Rick smiles down at him for several long moments, and Negan studies him in return. He feels nervous almost, unsure what Rick wants from him anymore.

Rick then scoots back a bit and settles down on Negan's chest with his head turned to the side, just under Negan's chin. He closes his eyes. Negan sighs and wraps his arms around him. He kisses the top of his head and nuzzles his nose into Rick's hair. 

Rick sighs. _That's_ what he wanted.

Negan grunts. "I still want to wash this," he says, nosing at Rick's hair as Rick chuckles. 

"Yeah, yeah, that's tonight, I guess, right?" he asks

"And are you going to sleep?" Negan asks, and Rick tenses. 

"Hey, I dunno—" 

"I thought you wanted help with your fence. Honestly, you wake me up just to go to sleep yourself?" Negan laughs, clearly playing around as he runs a hand down Rick's back soothingly. Rick relaxes.

"I do want you to help," he says. "I also wouldn't mind a nap." He wiggles to get a little more comfortable and smiles. "But I can get up and we can go chop wood if that's what you want more," Rick says, lips turning up in amusement. Negan hums. The snack he got from Rick _is_ waking him up. He _could_ go back to sleep, but then he'd be tired when Rick woke him up again, and he doesn't want to take more blood from him either. 

"We should go now," he says, decidedly. "Get some work done, get dirty, and then take a bath." He rubs his nose into Rick's hair again and Rick's about to answer him when he tilts his head up and blows a soft raspberry on Rick's head. He jerks away and snorts, looking down at Negan with something like attempted amusement but mostly annoyance. 

"Don't people stop doing that when their kids get over the age of _seven?"_ he asks with a sigh. He really doesn't want to get up now that he's comfortable, but the prospect of being outside in the sunlight with Negan is entertaining. He's a little anxious what Negan has in mind for _a bath_ , but it doesn't sound too terrible anyway, so he's cautiously interested at least. 

Negan laughs. He likes Rick's wit. He grins gleefully. "Rick, when you're as old as I am, everyone's like a child." He doesn't mean it as an insult; he's just stating fact.

Rick scrunches his nose up. "I take offense at that," he says with a sniff, and Negan grins and leans up to peck him on the nose. Rick groans and makes a face, but tinges slightly pink.

"Come on, now. Let's go. My hat is hanging up over there. Will you get it for me?" Negan points to the back of his door where his wide-brimmed hat is hanging. Rick sighs and pushes off him, and Negan sits up and places his feet on the floor, stretching his arms up above his head. Rick stretches too and grabs the hat from the back of the door, turning and holding it out to Negan with a look. 

"Here you go," he says, mouth unimpressed and eyebrows raised but with just enough amusement in his eyes to soften his expression. Negan smiles. 

"Hold it for a minute, will ya, babe? Let me get some pants on." 

Rick reddens and his mouth twists in surprise at the term of endearment. _Babe?_ He'd never heard that word before, except in reference to a baby. He sighs heavily and leans back against the wall, arms crossed. Wherever Negan's been he's sure picked up some strange customs along the way.

Negan goes to his dresser, pulling out a long-sleeved white shirt, slipping that on, and then putting a red vest on over that. He opens another drawer and pulls out a pair of black trousers, stepping into them and tucking the white shirt into them. They have suspenders attached to them, but he leaves them hanging down and goes to grab his boots from under his bed, putting them on. 

Rick watches Negan get dressed with careful nonchalance, but he can't help the way he goes just a shade pinker when he pulls on a red vest over his shirt and then lets his suspenders drop down over his pants, not bothering to pull them up. Rick feels like he should be annoyed at the lack of care in his presentation, but instead he kind of likes it. Okay, he more than just likes it. He looks away, though glances demurely back when Negan puts his boots on. 

Once dressed, Negan takes his hat from Rick and kisses him softly on the cheek. Rick licks his lips and inhales, startled and interested. 

"Alright, let's go," Negan says, placing his hat on his head and gesturing for Rick to go first.

Rick clears his throat. "Alright, let's go," he repeats, and goes out the door. Negan follows him with a smile. Rick's cute when he's flustered.

"Oh, just a second," Rick says, stopping at the kitchen table as he pours himself another large glass of lemonade, drinking it down. Negan adjusts his hat and watches him, glad to see him taking care of himself and making use of the materials he's provided. He also wonders how much sugar is in the lemonade and if Rick's been remembering his little promise. He can't smell it on him yet, but hopefully soon he would.

"You're gonna be alright in the sun?" Rick asks when he's finished, stretching, and Negan blinks. He smiles. _Aww._ Is Rick worried about him? "I mean even just the company would be nice. You could stay in the shade, too." Rick looks to Negan. He's not really concerned that Negan's going to put himself in harm's way, but… well, he doesn't know why he asks, really. 

"Yes, I know my limits," Negan says, and holds his arms out, showing off his long-sleeves. "And I'm covered, so no worry there. I'm mostly just… weaker than at night. I'll help as much as I can, but you might find me sitting in the shade after a couple of trees."

"Right, right," Rick says, watching Negan put his clothed arms out. Rick grabs his hat. "Yeah." He takes a breath and exhales deeply. "Okay, well then I guess we're good to go." He opens the door and steps out, going down the steps and turning his face into the sun, soaking it up. Negan follows him, sniffing slightly before stepping off the porch. It's about noon, so the sun is at its peak just glaring down on them. _Of course._

Negan's hat provides shade for his face and most of his upper body, but it's not really ideal. He shoves his hands into his pockets, pulling out gloves that were left in there.

"What is it about the sun that doesn't agree with you?" Rick asks as he puts his hat on and turns to look at Negan. "Do you know?" 

Negan slips his gloves on. "If you ask the church, it's because I'm an unholy demon from hell and the sun is a cleansing light." Rick chuckles and Negan smirks, crossing his arms. "But, I really don't know. I just know if I stay directly in it too long, I burn."

"Right… Well, if you're comfortable, I'd be interested in seeing what happens… if you want," Rick says as he starts walking toward the barn, feeling like maybe he shouldn't have asked. But Negan seems like the kind of person who wouldn't mind… right? "Maybe not right _now_ , but…" 

Negan hums and takes hold of Rick's wrist to stop him before he reaches the barn. He takes a deep breath. "Just… watch, okay?" He looks up at Rick from under his hat. He'd told Rick he'd show him this before, and it wouldn't be much of a hindrance to him to have a little sunburn for a couple days. 

Rick stops, confused, and then worried as Negan rolls up his sleeve to just under his elbow, revealing a section of his pale skin. Rick exhales tightly. He would protest, but he's interested, and if Negan wants to, then…

Negan clears his throat and sticks his arm out to the side, past the shadow from his hat, and into the bright sun. "Just… give it a minute," he says. 

And soon, as promised, Negan's arm starts to turn pinkish, and his brows knit as he looks at the ground. As the seconds tick by, it visibly starts turning a deeper and deeper red. Rick pales. It's like he's being… _cooked_. Rick's never seen anything like it. His breathing deepens, and then Negan's arm starts to shake, but he keeps it out, biting down on his lip from the sharp pain. Rick looks at him in concern, but he doesn't stop it. He swallows shakily, watching with eyebrows drawn. 

He feels like he _should_ say something, but he also feels like Negan knows what he's doing, and he doesn't want to startle him. As the burn gets worse, an acidic smell permeates the air and Rick wrinkles his nose. Negan keeps his arm out in the sun, even as the smell of his flesh burning begins. He wonders if Rick will stop him if he stays long enough. It's only a moment later that blisters begin to boil up and Negan knows he can't stay any longer. Not if he doesn't want to deal with charred flesh. Again. 

In horror, Rick cringes and tells Negan to "Stop!" when Negan cries out _"Merda!"_ and quickly draws his arm into his chest, hugging it close, and backs up into the shade made by the barn. His whole body is shaking, and he's groaning.

Rick's heart's pounding and his breathing is deep and shaky. What was that word Negan said? Rick isn't familiar with it. Though he doesn't care as much about that as he does what Negan just did. 

" _Jesus_ ," Rick says. "You didn't have to do that, you know." He goes up to Negan and crosses his arms anxiously. "I didn't need quite so much demonstration to believe you." He swallows and drops his hands, concern written on his face as Negan shakes and groans. "Do you want me to get you some cold water or a bandage or something?" 

Ultimately, though, Negan did this to himself, and part of Rick feels like Negan did it just to manipulate him into caring, even if the other part of him is still deeply empathetic. 

Negan snorts a laugh, his face hidden by his hat. "Rick… I drank your blood and you still didn't fully believe I was a vampire," he says, voice strained. "I just… wanted to make sure you believed me." He looks up at him and smiles tightly. 

"I don't think I ever said that I didn't believe you were… one," Rick says. 

Negan snorts softly again. Rick's doubt had been easy to see and is also understandable. He hadn't needed to outright say it. 

"Anyway, I believe you now… I guess." Rick smiles tensely back at Negan.

Negan groans and brings his arm away from his chest, wincing, and Rick goes a little paler. The skin is bright red with a couple of white blisters dotted amongst it. It looks bad. Negan hums as he examines it, still shaking. Rick swallows thickly, looking in Negan's still maroon-colored eyes. 

"Cold water and bandages… would be appreciated," Negan says, thunking his head back against the barn and whining softly. " _Cazzo_ …" he mumbles, and Rick can't help the ache he feels then. He wants to reach out and touch him. Squeeze his shoulder. Tell him it'll be fine. 

Rick exhales and then nods before hurrying back up to the house. He fills a bowl full of cool water, grabs a clean rag, and goes into the cabinet by Negan's bedroom. He thought he saw— _yes_. He takes the roll of bandage-looking material, relieved. Bringing the bandages, the water, and the rag back out to Negan against the barn, Rick feels kind of bad when he again sees Negan holding his arm, shaking with pain. Rick was the one who asked him to come out here in the first place. 

But— _no_ , this isn't his fault. Negan did this to himself. 

Rick sighs, and can't quite dislodge the knot of guilt in his chest all the same. 

"You know, I didn't give you some more blood just for you to do this," he says with a slight smile as he walks up to Negan. 

Negan thinks he might've blacked out for a second because he blinks and suddenly Rick has water and bandages in his hand and is talking to him again. He jerks back suddenly, and Rick's eyebrows draw in concern, his smile falling, but then Negan relaxes and matches the smile on Rick's face. 

"I—I know," he says. "I knew what I was doing. Don't blame yourself, Rick. I did this. I wanted to show you. It's okay."

Rick look at him worriedly. He noticed that stutter, and he thinks that the sun really affected him, and not just his arm."Uh-huh," he says finally, letting a small smile tug at his lips. 

Just then, Lucille pokes her head around the barn. She'd heard Negan yell and was concerned why he was awake and in pain. She whines as she comes up to him, sniffing at his arm, the calico cat on her back also sniffing. Negan pushes them away gently. "Hey, it's okay. I'm fine," he says, and Rick chuckles. 

Lucille barks. 

"No, I don't need you to lick it." Negan rolls his eyes and looks up at Rick. "Rick will do a fine job bandaging it without your help." 

Lucille huffs but backs away a step, watching the men intently.

"Let's go into the barn," Rick suggests, putting the roll of bandages in his arm with the bowl of water and taking Negan's uninjured arm to pull him gently into the darker, cooler space. 

"It's alright, that's not—" Negan insists, but he doesn't resist Rick's pull, following him into the barn. Lucille follows too, and the other barn cats all stare down at them from the rafters, meowing softly.

Rick rolls his eyes. "Are you, though?" he asks, and then sighs. He tugs Negan in, getting him over to the work table so he can put the bowl of water down. He sets the bandages down too as he dips the cloth into the water to get it wet. Negan leans against the table and holds his arm out to Rick. Being enclosed seems to have stopped his shaking, but he still feels a little out of it. 

"Just a little… sun sick," he mumbles. "I'm fine." 

Rick frowns at Negan as he gets the cloth soaked and then squeezes it out. _Sun-sick_. He hums. 

The barn cats begin dropping to the ground and circling around them. The white one puts his paws up on Negan's leg and meows lowly. Negan clicks his tongue and the cat wiggles his rear before jumping all the way to Negan's shoulder, rubbing on his face and knocking his hat off his head. Negan huffs but reaches up with his good hand to pet the cat. Rick chuckles, watching the scene with amusement. 

"Do the cats have names?" he asks as he takes Negan's wrist gently and then carefully wipes and dabs the cool cloth on his burned skin. Negan hisses as it stings. It's so cold in comparison to his fried skin, but it does make it feel so much better. He swallows and nods. 

"Yeah, this is Pierre," he says, pointing to the white cat on his shoulder. The cat meows lowly. "That's Aurora." He points to the calico still on Lucille's back. "And that's Vasily." He points to the Siamese who flicks her tail. Rick laughs softly. 

"I like those names. I haven't heard of the last name though. _Vasily_. I've never heard anything like it. Are they your cats or were they just here when you moved in?" He drapes the cloth over Negan's skin to give him a bit of relief. He wishes he had some kind of balm or something, though who knows if that would help Negan like it does humans… 

Negan hums as Rick drapes the cool cloth over his arm. Oh, that feels good. "They came with the place," he says, shrugging with his good arm, bouncing Pierre. 

"Huh," Rick smiles in amusement when Vasily comes closer and sniffs at his leg. He crouches down to let the cat sniff his hand. "Hey you," he says softly, picking her up and giving her a scratch. He remembers the Siamese one.

"I don't know if they had names before," Negan says, "but they seem to like the ones I've given them." He reaches up and pets Pierre again who starts purring up a storm. "I chose them from places I've lived. France, Italy, Russia."

"Right, right," Rick says, though he didn't even know the cat's names _were_ places. "You'll have to show me on a map sometime where you've lived…" he says, petting the cat, and Negan perks up and looks at Rick with shallowly hidden excitement. Rick glances to him, and his eyebrows draw together at his expression. 

"Yes, I'd love to," Negan says. "I have so many maps and books, and I've been so many places." 

Rick relaxes slightly, smiling but looking down as Negan talks, a little unsure where this is going.

Lucille pants and bumps her head against Negan's hip. He pats her head and scratches at her ear, smiling. "The world is a lot bigger than you know, Rick." 

"Hey, I know it's big," Rick says, a little indignant, but not really.

Negan looks at his cloth-covered arm and thinks for a moment before looking up at Rick. "Perhaps… I can show it to you someday. If you'd like that?"

Rick looks up, suddenly fearful. His thoughts immediately go to the town where Carl and Judith are. "Uh… I mean. That would be…" he swallows nervously and pets Vasily, "that would be…. I'd be open to that. What—" he rubs his temples, "what do you mean exactly?" 

He swallows and looks at Negan in confusion. He wants to show him the world. How? Negan lives in a cabin on the edge of town. Yeah, he can buy things and said not to worry about his kids' financial state, so he must have _some_ money, but traveling the world requires a _lot_ \- unless they hitchhike… or travel by coach and get jobs along the way… But Rick doesn't think that's what Negan means. 

Negan chuckles softly. "I mean we travel," he says. "By train, by boat. We can go anywhere you want to. I have money and connections. It's no problem." 

Rick looks at Negan with wide eyes, not saying a thing. It's ridiculous. He can't _leave_ his _kids_. And what does Negan want in return, huh? Blood, okay. Company, sure. It's just… so strange. 

Negan pushes off the table and steps closer to him, taking his hand and rubbing the back of it with his glove-covered one. Rick hums and looks away, though he wants suddenly to be held by Negan again. 

"Rick, would you allow me to take you to my home country?"

Rick winces, and looks at Negan, pained. 

"Where is that even, Negan?"

Negan grins and raises Rick's hand to his mouth to kiss the back of it, making Rick flush again. "Italy, Rick. _Italia!"_ Negan says, bouncing slightly. Oh, it's been too long since he's traveled for fun and with a companion. 

_Italy_. Wow. Rick only has a vague idea of what Italy's like. 

"Yeah… well, it sounds great, but I can't just leave my kids…" he trails off, and feels another wave of ache come over him. He looks back to Negan, looking into his eyes. "If you have the money for that and you want to take me for some reason—" Rick shakes his head, "—then you know what? I'd be up for it. Sure. I've barely been anywhere in my life besides movin' from Georgia to here, and that wasn't exactly for fun. But I can't just leave my kids without… figurin' things out with them."

Negan nods at Rick's words. Yes, he knows.

"I want to see them again," Rick continues, "and I need to contact their mother and tell her what's going on. She'd probably _love_ to take care of them again…" He rolls his eyes and sighs. He wonders what he'd even _tell_ Lori. 

Negan listens carefully. He's interested in the talk of the mother, having believed her to be dead since she wasn't living with Rick. Negan wonders what the story is there, but he doesn't pry. Not now. 

"Of course, of course," he says. "We don't have to go this minute, Rick. Just think about it. Get your ducks in a row, as they say. We can go whenever you want." Blame the sun for making him lightheaded, but Negan is giddy and doing everything to stop himself from kissing Rick in glee.

Rick listens to the rest of what Negan has to say, and excitement builds as he interprets what Negan's saying. He's saying _yes_ to Rick seeing his kids! But how? And when? Now? Get his _ducks in a row?_ They can leave _whenever he wants_ , what? Rick swallows his careful hope as he watches at Negan grin and then waits a moment for him to calm down. 

"So this means I can go see my kids?" he asks, ready for Negan to say, _What? That's not what I meant. I told you before that's never. going. to happen._

Negan calms down slightly then. He wants to just nod and say yes of course, but he needs to know Rick isn't going to run right now. Needs to know Rick means it when he says he'll stay and go with him. The sudden thought of Rick running through town outing him as a vampire flashes through his mind, and he's reminded of the reason he's keeping Rick here in the first place. 

He also rethinks his words. They can't technically leave just yet. They've already set their other plan in motion, the letters Rick wrote would be going out today. Negan had goods mail ordered. Not that he really cares about that. 

Still. Rick's already said he would be up to go. He's already thought about contacting the kids' mother. He wouldn't run. Right? 

"Yes," Negan says, looking into Rick's eyes. "Right before we go."

Rick feels something like fury build in his chest when Negan says _right before we go_ , though he doesn't show it. 

_Right before we go_. 

Uh-huh. 

Yeah. 

And then he feels desperation and sadness again, like a roiling storm inside him. 

Rick swallows and carefully takes his hands away from Negan's. He lets the cat down and takes a calming breath. He rubs his face with both hands and shakes his head a tiny amount. 

Negan's brows furrow in concern as Rick pulls away. He thought Rick would be happy to know that he'd let him see his kids again. What..?

And then Rick feels his face warm and tears threaten to well up. He runs a hand through his hair and turns around. He takes another calming breath. He rubs the space between his eyes. He gets himself under control, or tries to anyway.

"You _know_ that I…" Rick has to take some more deep breaths before he can continue, before he crosses his arms protectively over his chest and turns back around. "I want to see my kids again." He looks into Negan's eyes. "I'm… relieved that you're sayin' it can happen." He looks down. "But I don't know if…" He swallows, looks around, up into the rafters where the sunlight's filtering in through gaps in the wood. He looks back to Negan again. "You know I'll do whatever you want to see my kids again." He doesn't know what else to say. Well, he feels like he has _so much else_ to say, but he can't exactly say it without jeopardizing this chance he has. He sighs. "How long can I see them for?" he asks, tiredly, feeling like he might cry again. 

As Rick explains, Negan feels himself deflate. God, he's hated this part of their whole… Relationship? Kidnapping? Right from the start. Why did Rick have to have kids? _Why?_

Negan looks down at his injured arm and takes the cloth off of it, dipping it into the cool water bowl again. He lays it over his burn and winces slightly. He looks back up. 

"Rick…" He purses his lips and rubs the bridge of his nose before sighing and looking up. "Rick, I want you to stay with me. I want you to be with me and travel with me. _I_ want to be with _you_." 

He sniffs and rubs at his nose. "I hate taking you away from your kids. I really do. I admit, I tend to overreact sometimes. Don't think things through… I… I know I'm a monster." He grits his teeth and then relaxes again, hand clenching and unclenching. He's not sure what to do. He knows what he wants, but he knows what Rick needs. "Rick… just… just… do what you want." 

Sighing, Negan shakes his head and stares down at the ground in defeat, running a hand through his hair. He doesn't want to trap him anywhere. He doesn't want to keep him from his kids. If he wants to go back home then Negan won't stop him. 

Rick sighs, and thinks maybe, he doesn't have as much to worry about as he thought. 

"Look," he says. "I want to go with you… I don't… really know what's goin' on between us but… I want to see where it goes. I don't mind what you are, and hey, I could do for a little adventure. But I want to see my kids. I need to. You know that. And I know you wouldn't hurt 'em, so I guess what I'm asking is that you trust me?" He looks into Negan's eyes. "Like I'm gonna trust you?"

Negan listens to Rick, unbreathing and shaking slightly. He's trying to process what Rick's telling him. It sounds too good to be true, and he almost doesn't believe him. He can't believe him. This could get Negan killed so easily.

But he looks into Rick's eyes, and Rick asks him to trust him. Oh, lord, does he trust him. After the last few days, it'd be cruel not to. And he's asked Rick to trust him so many times, and for the most part, he has. It's only fair to give that back.

And, if Negan's honest with himself, he's so lonely. He's been so lonely for so long. All he wants is company. Mayhaps he shouldn't kidnap or hold people against their will to get it, he knows that, but… desperate times, desperate measures. 

"Come with me," Rick says, going a little closer to Negan, "come meet my kids." He looks down. "I don't want to _lie_ about this. I mean… I don't want to tell people some crazy story when I can just tell 'em that I met someone…" He looks up. "You." He takes a breath. 

As he listens, Negan feels an emotion well in his throat he hasn't felt in decades.

"We'll… tell 'em something about me going to Crimson Creek and you helping me or something," Rick says. "I don't know. But I need to spend some time with my kids and figure things out with them before we go anywhere… and I'm too tired to expose your secret. And you've shown me over the past few days that you aren't…" Rick takes a deep breath and lets it out, "as bad as I thought you were. There might have been some prejudice there." He laughs shortly and then coughs. "I trust you. Mostly." He smiles, light teasing in his eyes. "But I don't think you're a threat to this town. In fact, you're probably very helpful." He looks down. "So… how does that sound?" he asks, holding his breath and looks back into Negan's eyes. 

Negan looks at him. Rick's saying that he'll stay with him, even after everything. He'll _stay_. 

Negan releases a choked sob from his throat before he steps forward and throws his arms - not caring about the injured one in that moment - around Rick's shoulders, hugging him tightly. Rick's eyes widen and he makes a small noise of surprise. He puts his arms around Negan in return and leans his head into Negan's. He doesn't know exactly what he's just done, but he hopes it made as much of a difference in Negan as he thinks it did. 

Bloody tears pool at the corners of Negan's eyes, and he tries to hold them in and keep them from running down his face. "Yes, yes, yes! _Sì, sì, sì!_ " he speaks through his sobs. "Thank you, Rick. Thank you."

It's confusing to Rick that Negan's thanking _him_ , when it took all of Rick's control and what feels like, for him, a balancing act to get to this point. Nevertheless, he squeezes Negan back. "Uh-huh," he says softly. He has doubts any of this will work, after everything that's happened, but who knows. He feels like Negan's being genuine right now, so that's a start. "Hey, don't hurt your hand," he says suddenly, remembering. "Let me finish fixing it up, okay?" he asks, loosening his grip slightly. Negan laughs through his dry sobs and pulls away from Rick enough to plant a kiss onto his cheek. Rick smiles tiredly.

"Yeah, thank you," Negan breathes and steps back, quickly wiping his eyes with his dark gloves so Rick doesn't see. The cloth had fallen when Negan moved, so he picks it up and places it back in the bowl before looking at Rick again. His eyes go to the collar around his neck. 

"Oh…" he reaches forward slowly with his good hand, and Rick jerks back slightly, confused. Negan pauses, careful, but then touches the collar softly. "I'm sure you want this off, don't you?" he asks.

"Oh," Rick says, when he realizes what Negan's talking about. "Yeah." His face warms as he looks carefully into Negan's eyes and then away. "Yeah, I was gonna ask you to take it off," he says. "That would be nice, yeah. Thanks." He sniffs and adjusts the collar. He's gotten used to it, but it's still a massive pain. 

Negan pulls on the collar a little, turning it so that the lock is out in front, and Rick winces. "Yeah, I can do that right now," he says, slipping a finger through the loop of the lock and holding the bottom with his other hand. Rick exhales in relief. "Look up for me, _caro_."

Blinking at the word, Rick stills. _Caro_. What does that mean? He finds himself flushing slightly. It almost seems like… a term of endearment. 

Rick swallows then and does as Negan says, tilting his chin up a little. Negan then tightens his hold on the bottom and the loop of the lock. With a soft grunt and minimal effort, he pulls the two apart. There's a _snap_ , and then Negan slips the lock from the ring on the collar and holds it in his hand, showing him. Rick hums. 

"It's funny," Rick says, while he puts the roll down and reaches up to pull the strap from the buckle, "how you're stronger than me, but you wouldn't be that strong _without_ me…" he chuckles and smirks dryly, and Negan cocks his head, smirking back. 

"Nor is the wolf strong without the rabbit," he says. _That's how food works_ , he thinks but doesn't say. He feels badly as soon as he says it. Yes, Rick is his food. But he's more than that, now. 

Negan sets the lock down on the table and looks at his arm. It's still red, but the blisters have started sinking already.

Rick glares. "I'm not a rabbit," he says as he takes the collar off. He stashes it under the table with the intent to burn it later, and Negan frowns, but doesn't say anything. "But thanks," Rick says with a nod. He glances to Negan's arm and takes the roll of fabric again. He unwinds it and motions for Negan to hold his arm out, which he does. 

Negan'll get that collar later. He wants to add it to the rest, even if Rick did hate it. He still bought it for him, and Rick wore it. It'll be a reminder for Negan once Rick's gone, and that's what counts.

"Thank you…" Rick takes Negan's wrist gently. He hums. "Here," he says, placing the end of the bandage in Negan's hand. "Hold this." Negan takes the bandage and watches Rick curiously. "Thanks," Rick says, and starts wrapping the fabric around Negan's arm. 

He starts at the wrist, wrapping it around a few times and knotting it gently before doing the rest. He's careful not to let the bandage overlap too much or too little, and then he's tying it at Negan's elbow. He wonders for a second about circulation, but then he remembers that Negan doesn't have any. He smiles slightly before he grabs a pair of metal scissors and cuts the cloth. "There ya go," he says, wrapping the extra bandage up in the roll. 

"Thank you," Negan says as he examines the bandage, running his fingers over it. He clenches and unclenches his fist, feeling the tension between his muscle and the wrap. There's a dull pain, but nothing that'll hinder him. 

He suddenly remembers what they were doing before they got distracted. _The garden._ Would Rick still want to build it after what they talked about with his kids and traveling? 

Negan rolls his sleeve down over the bandage and looks at Rick. "So, do you still wanna make that garden?" he asks. "I know you want to see your kids, but our original plan _is_ currently in effect. Your letters are sure to have reached their recipients by now. It might seem strange for you to show up right now."

Rick sighs heavily and rubs a hand over his face. "Yeah, as much as I want to see them right now I don't think I can just show up out of the woods…" he thinks aloud. "Would probably need to at least go back on horseback…" he hums. "But I don't think it'd be strange if I showed up sooner 'than I expected' - things change. Maybe…" Rick crosses his arms and leans against the table, "Could you go to Crimson Creek tonight and get a horse - or two? - so we could use that to 'ride back into town' with…?" Rick exhales and shakes his head. "But you've been in town twice since I got here and people saw you, so we can't go back together…" Rick bites his nail as he thinks. 

Negan nods as he listens to Rick think out loud. They would need horses, at least Rick would, but Negan wonders if he can convince Rick to push it off till the next night. He'd like some sleep before hiking to the next town. Though he knows a path through the woods that'll cut his time in half, he can only take it there; not back. A horse won't travel where the wolves are, Negan knows.

Rick laughs. "I mean… _I_ could go home and then you could court me…" he says with a grin. His eyelids lower and he bites his lip as he sidles closer to Negan, feigning the shy western belle attempting to get the attentions of her beau. Negan raises his eyebrows, smirking at him as he gets closer. Oh, this is nice. Negan likes this side of Rick, and feels giddy at the thought that Rick might actually _like_ him. Why else would he suggest such a plan? "Treat me as a gentleman should for once." Rick smiles, almost touching Negan, and looking at him with his chin up slightly, as if challenging him to try something so… _human_. 

"Aw, shucks, Rick," Negan says, a deep southern drawl coating his words. He walks his fingers across the table till they reach Rick, taking his hips in hand and encouraging him forward. Rick puts his hands on Negan's chest and hums contentedly as Negan holds him, and then Negan purrs, "I ain't courted nobody in a right century. You want me ta bring ya flowers? Buy ya a drink?" 

Rick grins wickedly and Negan moves his hands to Rick's lower back. "Flowers would be nice," Rick says. "A drink would be nice, too."

Negan slides his hands down and slips them into Rick's back pockets, making Rick jerk but then hum appreciatively. It's a nice feeling, he thinks. He wants a little bit to wrap his arms around Negan now and kiss him… but he's probably just excited, and he needs to take all of this in. An hour ago he wanted to put together a garden and now he can see his kids in a few days at least… he sighs. 

"Yeah I don't know about the garden," he says. "Doesn't seem like there's a point, now. If I'm going back to my kids… I'll keep your secret of course… then we can figure the rest out…"

Rick swallows. He isn't sure how this is going to work. It's like suddenly he has his freedom back… as long as he doesn't tell Negan's secret… which he won't… and it doesn't look like Negan's keeping him hostage anymore. It seems like them going anywhere isn't even a condition for him going back to town. So… he'll see how it goes. He wants to keep seeing Negan. He likes the company. But anything beyond that, right now, he just doesn't know. 

"Okay," Negan says, and leans forward to kiss Rick on the cheek before he presses their foreheads together. He closes his eyes and smiles, soaking up Rick's warmth. "I'm sorry for anything I've done that's made you uncomfortable, Rick. Thank you for giving me a chance," he says softly. "Let me know what you want to do, and I'll do what I can."

"Thanks…" Rick says, smiling gently. "I know you were just… protecting yourself…" Rick doesn't really believe that completely, but it's mostly true. "And yeah I think what would be good now is just… as soon as you can…" he looks into Negan's eyes, "if it's not too much trouble, is to maybe rent a horse somehow and bring it here so I can go home… I'd really like to do that as soon as I can, but I know you haven't slept. I wonder… if you did that now, would you be able to go tonight? So I could leave tomorrow?" He moves his hands up Negan's neck gently and rubs there. 

Negan hums into the hands on his neck, loving the feeling. He bites his lip as he thinks. He can't help the fear at Rick's words of leaving, but Negan knows he'll come back, or Negan will go to him. They'll be together again. It'll be okay. They'll have many more days and nights together. 

But he's still scared. 

He looks at Rick with wide eyes. "Y-yeah, I can do that, but I won't be back till late tomorrow," he says. "Will you spend tomorrow night with me, Rick? Leave the next morning?" 

Rick exhales softly as he realizes that Negan's… afraid. It makes his heart ache. And… as much as he wants to be back with his kids, he finds that he can't say no to this.

Negan bumps his nose on Rick's, and Rick smiles and laughs softly. "Alright," he says. "It's gonna be okay though, alright?"

Even as he says the words, in this moment Rick is struck by what a turnaround that's happened with them in the past week. It's strange. Here he is, comforting _Negan_ and assuring him that he'll be _back_. Rick sighs. "I want to be with you, Negan," he says, "so don't worry, okay?" he asks gently, and then takes Negan's face in his hands, rubbing his cheeks, his beard softly with his thumbs. 

Negan feels the emotion in his throat again as Rick says he wants to be with him. He sniffs like his eyes are tearing up again, but he keeps that at bay, and smiles. "Okay," he says, very quietly. "Okay." He moves his own hands up Rick's back, settling them near his shoulders. "Thank you, _caro mio_." Leaning in, Negan presses the softest kiss to Rick's lips.

Rick kisses Negan back gently, slowly, deeply. 

When they part, he drops his hands back down to Negan's chest again, playing with the fabric of his collar a little, smoothing and straightening it. "Let me help you get back to sleep?" he asks softly, looking into Negan's clear wine-red eyes. Negan nods and smiles, reeling a little from the kiss. 

"You did wake me up, so I think that's only fair," he says lightly with a smile. He kisses Rick's cheek again before stepping back, grabbing his hat, and taking Rick's hand. "Lead the way?"

Rick snorts softly, grinning. "Yeah. Sorry about that," he says, and then squeezes Negan's hand and walks back with him up to the house and into Negan's bedroom where it's cool and dark. Negan sighs as they enter his room. Much better. He tosses his hat to the ground and sits down on his bed, pulling his boots off. He scoots back and lays down on his soft mattress, groaning. "Ri~ck," he whines, reaching out with grabbing hands towards him.

Rick undresses down to his underclothes and rolls his eyes. "I'm coming, I'm coming," he says with a smile, and gets onto the bed himself, lying down and curling up facing Negan. He's not gonna lie, having a nap in the middle of the day is certainly not something he's going to argue with.

Negan tucks Rick into him and hums happily. Having Rick in his arms is easily one of Negan's favorite things. 

Rick sighs. He likes being in Negan's arms. When he's not being an asshole, it's kind of nice. Negan kisses the top of his head and nuzzles his face into his hair, making Rick hum contentedly. 

"We're gonna wash this when I get back, ya hear?" Negan says softly.

"Uh-huh," Rick says with a laugh. Yeah he does want to get clean before he goes back. He sighs and then shifts so he's on his back but twisted a little so he can tangle their legs together. He looks up at Negan and snuggles his head into his chest, his hands just touching his stomach. He sighs, perfectly comfortable. Negan lets Rick shift before he curls in a little closer, his hand resting on Rick's hip. 

"See you tonight, _caro_ ," he mumbles before closing his eyes. A few minutes go by and then he falls completely still, breath stilled. Rick hums in response and closes his eyes. It's not long before he's asleep as well, comforted by Negan's embrace and the thought that he'll soon be home again with his kids. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations: (from Italian)
> 
>  _merda_ \- shit  
>  _cazzo_ \- dick/cock (can also be used interchangeably with ‘fuck’)  
>  _sì_ \- yes  
>  _caro_ \- dear, beloved, darling  
>  _caro mio -_ my dear


	13. Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Negan relax, and discuss matters of good and evil (and wait for their bath water to boil).

Rick sleeps deeply and wakes what's probably several hours later. He yawns and stretches, and lies awake watching Negan for several long minutes. He strokes his soft, relaxed face gently and pets his hair, his beard. He smiles gently, and then leans forward to kiss him on the lips. He kisses him deeply, grinning, and then pulls back with another yawn. He brushes Negan's damp lips with his thumb and then brings that to his own lips to suck for a second. _Yummy_. With a grin, he snorts and gets up. 

He stretches again and gets dressed. Looking back at Negan, he sighs before leaving and closing the door. He has some lunch and then goes outside to play with Lucille and the cats before grabbing another book from Negan's shelf and reading for the rest of the afternoon. He has dinner in the evening and then reads some more, waiting for Negan to wake as night falls. 

As the last rays of sun sink below the horizon, Negan feels consciousness seep back into him. He twitches and reaches his arm out, feeling warm fur next to him. _Lucille._ He smiles and hugs the wolf to him. It feels like forever since he's had her in his bed with him.

She boofs and turns to look at him when he moves. " _Hello_."

"Hi," he whispers.

" _Nice sleep_?"

"Yes, very."

" _Arm hurt?"_ she whines. Negan hums and brings his bandaged arm up to his face, rubbing at it.

"A little, but it'll be fine," he assures, petting her head. She pants and licks his hand before burying her nose under the pillows, searching for something. He pushes up on his arm, eyebrows knitting. "What are you—?" 

Lucille pulls Rick's collar from under the pillows, holding it out to him and wagging her tail. Negan stares at her for a moment before grinning and wrapping his arms around her neck. "Thank you!" he says, and she boofs and grins. 

Negan takes the collar and goes to the rack by the door. He adds it towards the bottom on a half-filled spoke. _Perfect_. 

Going back to his bed, he sits down and puts his boots on. "Lucille, I'm going to go to the next town over and getting a horse. I'll be back late tomorrow, okay?" He pets her back. "Keep Rick company for me." Lucille pants and barks, licking his face. He laughs and pushes her away gently, standing and going out to the living room.

Rick looks up when he comes in. He's lying crossways on the sofa, his head propped up with a pillow he found in the spare room and his feet against the end armrest. "Hey," he says, "How'd ya sleep?" He gives Negan a satisfied smile that's partially teasing and partially daring him to tell him to get off the furniture - now that he's a free man… 'n all. 

"Good," Negan says with a wry grin, coming over behind him. He leans down and kisses him sweetly on the forehead. "What'd you do while I was asleep?" he asks, placing his hands on Rick's shoulders and massaging gently. Rick hums and shivers. Oh, that's nice.

Negan eyes the book in Rick's hands. "Read?"

"Uhm…" Rick sighs as Negan's fingers dig into his shoulder muscles. "Yeah…" He looks up at Negan, resting his head on the back of the couch, and smiles tiredly. "Sorry for not being there when you woke up again," he says. "I forgot. And I think Lucille had you covered." He chuckles softly and Lucille trots out at the mention of her name. She barks, jumping up and laying over Rick's legs on the couch. Negan laughs and Rick chuckles as well, though he doesn't look away from Negan. 

"Yeah, she's a good girl," Negan says with sigh. He glances down at Rick and kisses his lips upside down for just a second, and Rick hums into it before Negan pulls back. "I should be off so I can get back quicker." 

"Oh, yeah, alright," Rick says, wilting slightly. He sighs deeply and runs a hand through his hair before leaning forward to give Lucille's head a good rub and then nudging her to get her off. When she does, he gets up and puts his book down. "Well, I guess you don't need anything from me, right?" he asks and then looks down. "Thanks for doing this, Negan. I really appreciate it." He looks into Negan's eyes and smiles, but it's slightly tense. He likes being with Negan and wants to keep seeing him, but he knows he'll be so much happier when he's back with his kids. Not that he won't see Negan ever again, but… he needs to see them. 

Negan nods and steps up to him, wrapping him in a hug. Rick makes a small noise of desperation and yearning. He really does like Negan's hugs…

" _Il piacere è tutto mio,_ " Negan says. "It's my pleasure, Rick." 

Rick blinks, baffled by the— what _is_ that? Italian? He swallows, and then Negan pulls back and cups his face in his hands. 

" _Mi hai cambiato la vita. Ti voglio sempre al mio fianco. Bacio_? Kiss?" he asks, smiling. "For safe travels?"

Rick opens his mouth to ask what Negan's saying, confused, but then there's one word in English. _Kiss?_ Rick huffs. "Yes, okay, but what did you say? I don't know… whatever that language is." Rick makes a face and leans back slightly - Negan isn't getting a kiss until he tells him what he said. 

Unbothered, Negan giggles, smiling. "Italian, Rick. It's Italian," he says, dropping his hands to pick up Rick's. He hopes one day Rick will understand when he speaks his mother tongue. He kisses the back of Rick's hands. "I said that… in the little time I've known you, you've changed my life, Rick. I want to be with you always." He looks up into Rick's blue-grey eyes, hoping Rick can see the sincerity in his.

"Oh," Rick says simply. He doesn't know how to respond to that, and he doesn't see at all how he's changed Negan's life. Negan's being so earnest… but he can't possibly think that Rick feels the same? Rick supposes it's nice… but it's also kind of… odd. He wants to be with him always? "Uh… uh-huh. Well." Rick swallows and squeezes Negan's hands. "I'm… flattered, Negan, and I like you… but I just don't know if I feel that way about you too right now." He smiles gently and tries to convey careful sympathy and reassurance… but it's difficult with everything that's happened. They can't just erase that.

Negan doesn't lose his smile, but his eyes go sad. That isn't the reaction he wanted, but he understands. Time moves quickly for him, a fleeting thought in the back of his mind. Rick's life will be a blink of an eye to him, so he wants to make it a good blink. Though, he knows he has a tendency to fall fast for things; he always had, even before he was changed. Why would it be any different in this case? 

Rick's heart breaks at Negan's expression, but he really can't change how he feels, or fake it either.

"Right," Negan says softly. "I have to court you first." 

"Yeah, you have to court me first."

Negan looks down at their hands for a moment before looking back up at Rick, who's smiling at him gently. "Can I still have a kiss before I go?"

"Yeah, you can still have a kiss." Rick gives him a soft smile before he leans in and presses a kiss to his lips. It's a warm, deep kiss that drags a rumble akin to a purr from Negan, and Rick doesn't want it to end. 

_Lord_ , Negan could kiss Rick forever. He's up for the challenge of courting Rick, but he thinks the ball is already in his court. He presses closer, moving his hands back to Rick's face, and tilts his head to slot their lips together. He holds the kiss there for a moment, memorizing the feeling, before breaking away as Rick sighs, humming as he blinks when the kiss ends - and they look into each other's eyes. 

"Thank you."

"Uh-huh," Rick says, a little dazedly, and chuckles softly as he looks into Negan's eyes. "Alright, well, travel safe," he says with another small smile.

"Thank you," Negan repeats, laughing slightly. He grabs his satchel, checks his money, and goes to the door. Opening it reveals the cool night. With a glance back over his shoulder and a gleam in his eye, Negan calls back, "Lucille, you're in charge!" and then goes out and strides down the dark path. Rick scoffs and rolls his eyes. 

"I don't think so," he says, looking at Lucille as Negan walks away. "I'm in charge," he says to her with a small smile as he watches Negan disappear into the night. 

Lucille snorts and rolls her eyes, swiping a large paw across her nose. _Men._

Once he's gone, Rick closes the door and locks it, then stokes the fire and makes some dinner. He gives some meat to Lucille when it's finished and then eats, cleans up, and reads for the rest of the night until it's time for bed. It really is far later than he'd normally sleep, but it's not like it matters. 

"Come on, Lucy," he says as he heads to Negan's room, and he smiles as she curls up on the bed. "Good girl." He gives her a pat. When he's in his nightclothes and about to get under the covers, he realizes that he never got his gun back. _Where is it?_ He looks around the room, lit by a single flickering candle on the floor by his feet. With a sigh, he gets up and takes the candle with him to see for his search. He looks under the bed, but it's not there. He glances to Negan's drawers. He doesn't really want to snoop but… having his gun is more important, and Negan should have given it to him before he left. 

Rick looks in the top drawers first - not _digging_ , just glancing quickly, but he doesn't see it… until he gets to the very bottom drawer. There are all kinds of odd clothes in his drawers, especially near the bottom, but, lo and behold, there his gun sits amongst some old shirts and socks. He smirks and grabs it, doing a quick check of the ammunition to make sure Negan hadn't unloaded it - which he hadn't. Good. 

He looks at Lucille. "Look at that, girl," he says, holding it out to her. She sniffs it and looks at him with slightly anxious eyes. She barks, and he chuckles. "It probably won't keep us any safer than you will but you never know, I guess. And it makes me feel better." He puts the gun under his pillow, blows out the candle, and gets into bed. 

The house seems very dark and quiet without Negan, he thinks as he lies there with the covers pulled up. Even if Negan barely makes a sound himself. There's just so much more… emptiness… without him. Rick hears a wolf howl far away in the forest and he shivers, glad to have the gun. 

  


**Sunday, April 24th, 1881**

The next morning passes as the others had, though he opens all the windows and doors since Negan isn't there. He makes breakfast and then goes out to chop some firewood. He refills the water bucket and cleans up a little before he picks up his book - another history text this time - and proceeds to spend the rest of the day reading. 

He's scrounged up some more dinner for himself and Lucille by the time evening comes, and he sets himself up on one of the rocking chairs on the front porch with the book to wait for Negan. As the air gets cooler, the sun falls lower over the horizon, casting the forest, yard, and sky, in a pleasing array of pinks and oranges. Lucille is laid out on the porch by his chair, keeping an eye on the property, and he scratches her coat fondly as they wait. 

Not long now, he thinks, feeling the yearning to be back in town with his children build in him like nothing he's ever felt before. _Not long now…_

**…**

The sun is halfway gone when Negan arrives home. As his figure astride a sleek black horse appears at the front gate, Lucille looks up and barks, standing at the edge of the porch and running in place. Rick puts his book down and smiles, rising and standing at the top of the steps as Negan approaches.

Lucille barks a few more times. " _Negan! Negan!"_

Negan grins and walks the horse to the front of the porch steps. He's got a new hat, as he forgot his old one, and he tips it at Rick. "Howdy," he greets with a wink and a click of his tongue. Lucille pants happily and runs around the horse, which watches Lucille curiously but makes no other move.

Rick chuckles softly. "Howdy," he replies back. He goes down the steps and pets the horse's snout as Negan hooks his left foot in the stirrup and swings his right around, sliding down off the horse. Rick turns to him. "How'd it go? You're probably tired… did you sleep there or…?"

Negan holds the reins out to Rick, who takes them. "It went just fine," he says. "I took a nap when I got there because the stables weren't open yet."

"Ah, right."

"But if you don't mind taking Sebastian here to the barn, I'm going to rest till the sun goes all the way down." Sebastian snorts softly and leans into Rick's touch, swinging his tail as Lucille jumps at it.

"Yeah, alright." Rick laughs softly when the horse leans into him. "Hey, boy," he says. "You're awful pretty." He strokes the horse's silky snout again. Turning to Negan, he's about to ask him why he doesn't just sleep during some of the night too, but then he remembers why not. 

Negan pecks Rick on the cheek before he goes up the stairs, whistling sharply. "Lucille, leave the horse alone." Lucille snorts and follows Negan as he goes to his room, closes his curtain and door, and strips down to his shirt and underwear. He crawls into bed and Lucille jumps up, curling beside him. Chuckling to himself, he turns to hug her as he drifts off, tired from riding all day in the bright sun.

Rick watches with a strange sense of sadness and jealousy as Negan goes into the house with Lucille, and he winces when the bedroom door closes. He thought Negan would ask him to sleep with him again or something. Guess not.

Rick sighs and pats the horse before taking him into a stall in the barn. He unsaddles him, takes the saddlebags off - those'll be handy tomorrow - gets him some water and oats, and brushes him down. "Good boy," he says. "You're gonna get me home tomorrow, hm? How does that sound?" He chuckles softly at the horse's quiet snuffing at him. "Yeah, you're a good one."

Once he's finished with Sebastian, he goes back into the house. He's going to need to sleep sometime, too. But for now, he supposes he can just nap. He sighs and curls up on the couch before falling asleep himself, not thinking of joining Negan with his door closed like that. He supposes Negan wants his space. 

**…**

Negan wakes a couple hours later. The sun is set and the air is cool. Soft fur tickles his face and he nuzzles into it. Lucille huffs softly in response, and he smiles. She missed him, though he was only gone a day, and he missed her, too. He usually takes her on trips like this, but he didn't want to leave Rick by himself.

Rick.

Negan opens his eyes and looks around. Rick isn't there, and he can't hear him moving around. He hums and sits up, stretching his arms above him, before moving around Lucille to get out of bed. Padding silently into the living room, he finds Rick on the couch sleeping. Had he not wanted to sleep with him? Perhaps he thought Lucille stole his spot. Negan laughs softly, imagining the two fighting over him. He leans down over Rick and kisses his head - making him wake softly and whine, rubbing his face - before moving to start up a fire before it got too cold in the room for the human.

Rick watches Negan start the fire blearily. "Hi," he says, and stretches out with a yawn. "Thanks for doing that," he mumbles as he sits up, feet on the floor. He shivers when he's met by hard, cold wood. It is a little chilly in here. 

Negan turns and gives him a smile. "Of course," he says, coming over and touching the pads of his fingers to Rick's cheek softly. Rick sighs at the touch and leans into it, and Negan feels the scratchy beard there and hums. "Do anything interesting while I was gone?" he asks, tilting his head, as Rick takes his hand and brings it to his lips to kiss. Then he takes Negan's hand in both of his in a sleepy attempt to warm him up. Holding it to his chest softly, he lets Negan get more of his heat and feel his heart. 

"Um… not much," he says. "Just read. Chopped some more firewood." He sniffs. 

"Hmm, is that so," Negan says softly as he watches Rick maneuver his hand. He presses his palm into Rick's chest, feeling the heart beneath it, sighing in response. Falling to his knees, Negan moves between Rick's legs and presses close, wrapping his arms around him. Rick makes a small noise and then whines softly, desperately. Negan presses his ear to Rick's chest, listening to the beating organ inside of him. He shivers, Rick's heat and smell washing over him.

Rick looks down at Negan and bites his lip. Oh, does he have to leave this? Well, he won't for long. He sighs and wraps his arms around Negan in return, shivering at the feel of his head on his chest. It's nice. He squeezes Negan gently and then moves his hands up into his hair, running his fingers through it and scratching his scalp softly. Gently, he rubs his back with one hand and sighs. 

As Rick touches him, Negan rumbles in his chest. He presses closer, running his hands up Rick's back and gripping at his shirt. God, he wants to cry. Wishes he could cry real tears. He knows Rick will come back, but even just the day he spent away was lonely without him. Nights, weeks, years… they usually flew by for him, one bleeding into the other. But Rick… Rick made time slow down. Made him appreciate the days he spent with him. Made him feel almost alive. 

He kisses Rick's chest, and then looks up and kisses under his chin before nuzzling back into his chest, not ever wanting to move. Rick hums and chuckles. That _tickles_. But it also feels impossibly good. Rick continues to run his hand through Negan's hair. He smells so good. So heavy and yet sweet. Rick turns his nose into Negan's hair as he leans into him and inhales deeply. He rests his head on Negan's and holds him, sighing. 

But the position isn't the most comfortable. 

He hums. 

"Negan…" he says softly. "Why don't you come up and I'll just…" He moves back a bit and pats the other side of the sofa. Negan leans back and watches as Rick takes the pillow and puts it against the other armrest. He smirks slightly, still a bit sleepy and wanting to hold onto the feeling. 

Negan isn't sure exactly what Rick wants. He runs his hands back and forth on Rick's thighs for a moment when it finally clicks. "Oh, okay," he says softly, getting up and sitting next to him, pulling him close. Rick laughs softly. 

"Okay, now lie down," he says, pushing on Negan's chest so he lies back on the pillow with his body spread out. Negan hums as Rick pushes him around, liking the feeling of him taking a little control. Once he's there, Rick lies down on Negan's chest and curls up under his chin, closing his eyes. His feet stick out over the end of the couch, but it's not uncomfortable. 

Negan wraps his arms around him and holds him close, kissing the top of his head, and Rick sighs, loving the feeling of being held and kissed. The warmth from the fire is nice too. "Are you tired at all?" he asks. "I know it's dark now, but you said you only slept a little during the day…" He yawns and sighs, snuggling in a little more. Negan rubs Rick's back softly. 

"I could sleep… but… that'll give me less time with you tonight," he says, worrying his bottom lip. "You can sleep if you need to, though. Don't mind me."

Rick hums and smiles. "Thanks…" His eyebrows draw together. "I'll… talk to my kids tomorrow. I'm still not sure what I'm going to tell them, but… maybe come to the house late tomorrow night… after midnight, and I'll let you know what's happening?" He bumps Negan's chin gently and takes his hand, holding it to his lips. Negan kisses Rick's head again. 

"Okay," Negan agrees, looking down at Rick kissing his hand. Gosh, it's so soft, he thinks, and his dead heart melts just a little. "I mean… stick with what your letter said. You just need to make up something for cow deaths and say you found it in Crimson Creek." The damn cows. Negan can't believe that's what started this.

"Yeah, I know… That's what I was going to do… I mean, I don't know what I can really come up with to explain it, but since you're not going to be doing it anymore…" Rick looks up at him for a second, "I don't think I really need to come up with anything." He rubs Negan hand. "I'll say I went there and you helped along the way, even came over there to help me maybe, but we didn't find anything. They'll accept that." He sighs and kisses Negan's hand again, and then places it on his chest, palm down. The tips of his fingers brush Rick's skin at his throat where his shirt is open a little. 

Negan smiles as Rick moves his hand. He softly runs his fingers along the edge of Rick's shirt, tracing against the exposed skin, humming in agreement. The plan sounds good enough to him. "If you need help, I can always… convince people," he offers, shrugging slightly, and Rick laughs nervously. 

"No I don't think that'll be… necessary," he gently declines, shivering and trying to keep in a giggle as Negan touches him. He swallows and keeps his breathing even. Negan trails his fingers up to Rick's neck, lightly surrounding it for a moment, just feeling him breathe. 

It's kind of nice not having the collar in the way, he thinks. Rick exhales slowly, and Negan lets his hand slide back down and slip beneath the collar of Rick's shirt, just moving over the warm skin of his chest. Feeling. Memorizing.

Rick exhales and then shifts onto his back on Negan, his head right beside his. He leans into Negan's cheek and nuzzles him softly, closing his eyes. Negan turns his head and kisses Rick's cheek, one hand still exploring his chest and the other coming up to slip under Rick's shirt and smooth over his stomach. Rick twitches slightly, but relaxes soon when Negan starts rubbing gentle circles in both places. 

Negan keeps placing kisses where he can reach on Rick's cheek, down behind his ear, a little on his neck. His hands travel slowly up and around Rick's warm skin, caressing everywhere he can touch. Rick whines and shifts at the attention, but then Negan's fingers graze the waistband of Rick's pants and he jerks slightly. Negan moves back up, and Rick hums and then turns over, giving him a small smile. 

"Just hold me?" he asks, giving Negan a thorough kiss on the lips before lying down on his front again, nuzzling into the space under Negan's jaw and making Negan sigh. He rests his hands on Rick's back, but doesn't move them. Just holds him. He lays still and looks up at the rough wood ceiling, sapping Rick's heat and listening to him breathe.

In Negan's arms, Rick sighs. This is nice. This is what he wanted. He breathes evenly and listens to the fire crackle and pop as he drops off into sleep again. 

Allowing Rick to sleep, Negan holds him. He wishes that he wasn't asleep… but this is nice, too. He knows that Rick needs it. And he has to keep reminding himself that Rick is leaving but he isn't _leaving_. It's hard though. Negan had become very used to people doing the latter kind, after… 

Well. _After._

To distract himself, Negan starts lacing his fingers through Rick's hair gently. It's soft, but still needs to be washed, something he wants to do tonight, if only Rick could stay awake for it. He huffs a soft laugh and traces shapes onto Rick's back with a finger, kissing his dirty hair gently. He isn't used to having a human around, obviously. He knows that he has to get used to this, now. Rick sleeping all the time. It's certainly more sleeping than he does, and at different times. It's curious. He could watch Rick sleep for hours. Could have him sleep on him like this forever. 

After a while, Rick wakes to the sensation of fingers in his hair and on his back. He whines softly, a shiver running up his spine, and he looks to the fire that has burnt down low. He's a little colder, too, since he didn't pull a blanket over himself before he fell asleep. "That feels nice," he mumbles, and Negan hums. 

"Yeah? Good," he whispers, and keeps up his motions. "How was your nap?"

"Restful," Rick says with a small amused twitch of his lips. He inhales and exhales deeply, relaxing again into the gentle massage of Negan's fingers. 

"Good," Negan repeats. He tugs gently on a knot in Rick's hair that his finger gets stuck on. He hums again.

"Ow," Rick says, making a face, and Negan laughs heartily, shaking him in the process and making him squeak and roll his eyes with a small smile. 

"Hnnn…" 

"I think it's bath time, Rick. I want to wash this hair so badly," he says as he ruffles Rick's hair.

"Okay…" 

Rick's a little nervous about the idea of a bath. Yeah he's dirty, and he's used to getting clean at the public bathhouse when bathing at home is too time-consuming, but this would be… a little different. 

Negan smiles, giddy with excitement. He shifts on the couch, propping himself on up his elbows. "Come on, then. Let me go get the tub." 

"Okay, sure," Rick relents finally, getting off Negan and rubbing his face with another yawn, looking from Negan to the fire that's only embers at this point. He needs to build it up again. Negan stands and places a quick kiss to Rick's cheek. 

"Why don't you get the stove going? Use the biggest pots and start heating the water."

"Okay," Rick says, flushing a little as Negan turns and whistles. Lucille bounds out of his room, tongue lolling. Rick smiles tiredly, enjoying her canine presence. 

Negan looks back at Rick. "Take Lucille with you to get water from the creek. She can hold a lantern for you. I'm going to get things from the back room set up out here, okay?" He grins.

"Alright." Rick crouches down to pet Lucille and give her a rub. "You're gonna help me, huh?" he asks, smiling at her happy panting and giving her good girl scratches. Lucille wiggles, loving the attention, before she barks and goes to grab a lantern from next to the fireplace. It just needs to be lit, and she's ready to go. Rick snorts, smiling. "Okay, okay, just give me a second. I need to light the stove first."

Negan's still grinning as he goes to the back room and starts gathering the soaps, shampoo, and perfume oils, placing them into the empty tub so he can drag it out all at once.

In the kitchen, Rick puts some logs in the stove and then lights it and closes the door. He takes the matches then and goes to Lucille, crouching down and lighting the lantern. "There we go," he says, and then looks around the kitchen. There's a large pot hanging on a nail to the left of the stove and he grabs that, too. "Alright, c'mon, Lucille," he says to her as he goes out the door, even though he knows she's going to follow him. Lucille wags her tail as she follows him, holding the lantern so that it shines in front and lights his path. She bounces as she walks, happy to be helping. 

Rick chuckles at her enthusiasm. It's so dark he can barely see her, but he's plenty glad she's there. He fills the pot and heaves it up. _Molly_ , that's heavy. 

In the house, Negan gets the tub from the back room to the living room easily, and then pushes the dining room table over towards the wall and stacks the chairs on top of it. He moves the tub to where the table was, closer to the stove, and the heat. He takes everything out of the tub and sets them on an open space between chairs on the table. There are a couple bars of soap, a bar of shampoo, two fragrances of perfume oil, a silver comb, a clean cloth, and a few clean towels.

Rick comes back then with the water. Somehow he managed to get it back to the house without spilling much, but it's a near thing. He exhales heavily when he gets the pot on the stove, trying not to slosh it all over the place, and then looks at everything Negan's got set up. "Ohh, fancy," he says, looking over all the bath items. "I-Is that silver?" he asks incredulously when he sees the comb. Negan looks at it and shrugs, nodding. 

"Yeah, sure is," he says nonchalantly. "Got it in France. Look here." He picks it up and angles it in the light, showing off an embossed carving of vines and roses on it. The silver tickles his fingers slightly, but it's not so much that it's uncomfortable.

"Wow," Rick says, admiring the craftsmanship. "That's amazing…" He wants to ask how much it's worth, but he knows that wouldn't be polite. He figures it's probably a lot though. 

"Just something I picked up," Negan says, setting it back down. 

"Right…"

Negan glances at the pot of water on the stove and then goes to grab another large pot that he usually uses for the purposes of filling his bath. "I'll be right back."

"Okay," Rick says, and then Negan's out the door. Rick sighs and rubs Lucille before going to stoke the fire a little more and put a heavier log on now that it's burning better. 

Negan goes to the creek and back in the darkness easily, and then places the pot on the stove as if it weighs almost nothing. They'll need those two pots at least once more, if not twice, to fill the whole tub.

Rick glances back at him when he comes in, impressed with how easily he brought it in. He still feels a little strange pride in the fact that… his _blood_ is in Negan's body… and somehow the little amount he's given him allows him to be so strong and fast. It's amazing, really, once you get past how creepy it is. One corner of his mouth twitches in amusement as he pokes the fire with the metal rod. 

Negan steps back from the stove and watches him. They'll have a little bit until the water heats up, and then they'll have to heat more, but Negan knows from experience it'll works out perfectly. Mixing hot water with cool water gave the perfect temperature. Noticing the look on Rick's face, however, he cocks his head curiously. "What're you smilin' at?" 

"Oh, I dunno," Rick says, chuckling softly. "Just thinkin' again about how what I give you makes you as strong as you are…" He sniffs and sits crosswise with his legs up and his folded arms on his knees as he looks at the fire. "I mean it's unsettling but… still kinda neat." The fire crackles and pops and bathes him in blessed warmth, and he watches it distractedly. 

Humming, Negan shifts his weight on his hips. "You've mentioned something like that before," he says, coming closer and petting Rick's head, making him shiver and flush. "I'm glad you enjoy giving a bit of yourself to help me," he says with a smile, bending down to kiss Rick's head. "It's very appreciated."

Rick frowns and sniffs, feeling like he might cry all of a sudden. He swallows thickly. "Yeah, I… I dunno. It's helpful to think… it has a purpose." He glances to his finger where just a few days prior he'd let Negan drink from him. He runs his finger over the bite, now just a pale set of teeth marks, and swallows. 

Negan frowns and sits down next to him, noticing his shift in mood. "You alright?" he asks, softly.

Rick glances over at him. "What? No, yeah I'm fine," he sighs. "I mean. I'm not, I guess, but… it's alright. I'll be better once I'm with Carl and Judith again." He smiles at Negan for a second. "I don't mind giving a little of what I don't even really need all of." He chuckles softly. "And as you said, you… protect the town from wolves and… other things." He swallows. "That's not nothing. That's important and I'm just glad you're not…… you know." _Bad_ goes unsaid. _Evil. Sadistic_. Or any other number of terrible things. 

Rick stares into the fire and thinks about all the _bad_ vampires out there, and how he hopes he never has the misfortune to cross paths with them. 

Negan nods as he listens to what Rick says. He leans over and rests his head on Rick's shoulder, looking into the fire as Rick sighs. They sit quietly for a few minutes before he softly asks, "Do you think I'm a monster?"

Rick chuckles and then sighs. "I don't know, Negan," he says. "Humans can be monsters. Dogs can be monsters. Most things… can be evil, if it so happens to be that way for them." He turns to him for a second and then looks back to the fire. "In nature, I think, it's natural. For survival. But I don't think you're evil. You don't seem to be that way to me." He swallows and sighs, looking down at the wood floor, thinking. 

Sniffling at Rick's answer, Negan nuzzles his head closer to Rick's. He shakes slightly in a silent cry, but then smiles. "Thank you, Rick. Thank you," he whispers. "You get called a monster, a demon, a devil, for so long you…" he takes a breath and lets it out, "…sometimes you start to believe it."

Rick smiles softly. It doesn't reach his eyes, but he is also pretty tired. Negan reaches over and takes one of Rick's hands in his, rubbing his thumb over the back of it. Rick glances down at their hands and sighs, squeezing Negan's back. 

"I think _that's_ what makes the evil vampires," Negan says. "When you live long enough being told you're inherently evil, you eventually… give in to it." He looks up at Rick. "I've been lucky, I think. I kept myself busy. Didn't reveal myself to many people. Stayed out of hunters' sights." He sighs. "Not everyone is so lucky."

Rick listens to Negan's words carefully, and then sighs. "Yeah…" He looks back into the fire. "I mean… I'm glad you're one of the good ones… but what you're asking me is still kind of like asking the rabbit if it thinks the wolf is a monster…" He looks back at him again and smiles, softening the blow. "Even if they're both pets." He glances down and sniffs. "I mean…" Bravely, he manages to stare evenly back into Negan's eyes. "I care about you… but it's still difficult for me to just forget about what you are or what your kind have presumably done to mine… what they're doing…" He swallows. "I don't mean to be unkind but… you understand where I'm coming from, right?" 

Negan looks at him carefully, lifting his head to look at Rick better as he nods. 

Rick watches Negan equally gently. Though it hurt him to say it… maybe he'll feel differently once he gets to know Negan more, once Negan shows that he's a good man. And Rick doesn't want to just lie to Negan. Maybe it's wrong of him but… it's just the way he feels and he thinks honesty is important right now. Rick hopes he can trust Negan to understand… and he hopes he didn't misstep by saying it. He squeezes and pets Negan's hand with his thumb soothingly. 

"Rick, of course I understand," Negan says, bringing his free hand to Rick's cheek. "Sometimes it just… it takes me a while to really _feel_ empathetic. Self-preservation is very high on my subconscious, so sometimes it'll block out other's feelings, but I… I do understand." He nods stronger now, squeezing Rick's hand, and Rick nods too.

"Right. Yeah. Okay… well I'm glad about that," he says, smiling softly. Then he leans his head against Negan's and sighs. Negan kisses Rick's cheek before relaxing into him. After a moment though, he leans back. 

"Let's check the water, yeah?"

Rick listens for the sound of bubbling water. "I don't think it's boiling yet," he says. It might be starting to simmer though, and it'd be good to check on the wood in the stove, but he doesn't really want to get up and do it. He glances over to Negan and then down. "Stay," he says. "We can hear when the water boils. It'll take a few minutes yet." He looks back to the fire. "Tell me about… tell me about why you moved to California." Rick puts his head on his crossed arms again and looks back at him. 

Negan's lips quirk into a soft smile and he nods. He leans into Rick as he looks down at his own hands in his lap. 

"Well, I'd been here before," he starts. "Before the Civil War, when people were strikin' it rich findin' gold. I decided to join in just for the hell of it." He shrugs a shoulder. "I already had gold from Mexico, but I thought, more wouldn't hurt." He laughs lightly. Now, he has more money than he knows what to do with, but he's excited to have someone to spend it on. "After that, I went and fought in the Mexican-American War, on the American side that time. When that was done with, I moved up north to Illinois. I was there when the Civil War started and I jumped right into that… and after _that_ war, I just wanted to settle down for a while. Get some peace. This whole westward expansion was still going on in full swing, and I remembered liking California, so I came back." He shrugs again. "Not sure how much destiny I'm manifesting, but…" He looks at Rick. "I'm enjoying my time here so far."

Rick smiles and looks back at him, then at the fire. "Yeah," he says, and sighs. "You've done a lot. Been in a lot of wars…" He can't imagine living for so long as to do all of that, and he knows that's not even a quarter of Negan's story. "It's alright here," he says. "But I would like to go places with you as I said. California's… a pretty good place to live. It's a good place to raise a family… but I've never really been anywhere else like I told you… not unless we were movin' anyway." He sniffs and smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. He looks into the fire. "Yeah, I'd like to do that, if you still want to as well…" 

To be honest, Rick wants to spend more time with Negan. And a few months won't hurt the kids. Not if their mother's there to raise 'em. 

Studying Rick, Negan nods along. Something's making Rick melancholy, and he doesn't know if it's just homesickness or what. He wants to get him in the bath so he can relax and let Negan pamper him. Negan mentally yells at the water to boil faster.

"Yes, Rick. I want to take you all over," he says, a giddy tone arising. "We don't have to go out of the country just yet if you want to stay around here for a bit. America does have many beautiful wonders I'd like you to see." He leans in and kisses Rick's temple, making Rick smile and close his eyes. "Though none as beautiful as you, _caro_."

Rick's toes curl at Negan's words and he flushes. That term is starting to sound so nice to him.

Though he thinks, maybe, he's never quite believed Negan when he said he was any of those things - beautiful and such. How could he be anything like that, really? He's not a woman. He's rougher and stronger and has a lot more hair for one thing. He sniffs softly and then looks over at Negan. 

"What does that mean?" he asks, eyebrows drawn suddenly. " _Caro_ …" He attempts the pronunciation carefully. "I never asked you what it means." He sniffs and wets his lips nervously, looking into Negan's eyes and at his face in the firelight. 

Negan smiles softly and giggles. "It's a term of endearment," he says. "It means 'darling', 'dear', 'beloved'." He raises a hand and strokes a knuckle over Rick's cheek. " _Caro mio_. My dear. _Sei bellissimo_. You're beautiful." He chuckles. "Or handsome, if you prefer. It translates either way."

Rick smiles softly. "Wow," he breathes, eyes straying to Negan's lips. "Those are quite the endearments," he manages, eyes flicking to Negan's hazel ones. Negan watches the movement and he grins, leaning forward. 

"I give what is deserved," he purrs, and Rick breathes the ghost of a laugh. He then bumps the tip of his nose against Rick's, making him hum softly. "Rick, _posso baciarti_? May I kiss you?" he whispers.

Rick's lips twitch and he hums an affirmative. "Yeah," he says softly, wetting his lips and flicking his eyes down and then up again. 

Grinning, Negan leans in and whispers, " _Grazie_ ," right on top of Rick's lips before he captures them in his own. Rick can't help but grin and smirk as Negan kisses him. _Grazie_. Uh-huh… 

He laughs softly as they kiss, and he thinks he can taste the glee on Negan's lips in return. Rick kisses hungrily, shifting into a crouch that has his whole body turned towards Negan. 

Negan loves feeling Rick laugh into the kiss. It makes him feel better knowing Rick is enjoying himself. He brings his hands up to cup Rick's cheeks as he tilts his head to slot their lips together and deepen the kiss. Rick whines long and desperately as Negan holds his face and intensifies the kiss. He melts, just a little bit, and moves his body closer, his own hands going to Negan's legs, his chest, and then under his shirt. He scratches him and grips him as he erases the space between them. Negan growls softly into the kiss as Rick's hands find purchase on him. _Oh, that's good_. 

He reaches out and grips the back of Rick's thighs, pulling him all the way into his lap - and making him cry out in surprise - before slipping his hands under Rick's own shirt and smoothing up his back. Rick whines and bucks into him, breath hot and kisses frantic. He keens as Negan's cool hands slide up and around him, and he settles into them as his own hands roam Negan's torso. Negan kisses back just as frantically until he disconnects from Rick's lips and starts trailing kisses down his jaw to his neck, licking and nipping softly as he goes. Rick whines and scratches as he does this, loving every second of it. Negan's hands smooth up Rick's back, then, pressing him closer, and then scratch gently back down. He slides a hand into Rick's back pocket and pushes his hips down just as he rolls his up. Rick _keens_ with hiccupy sobs and then cries out loudly at the friction, dropping his head against Negan's as he pants, clinging to him. Vaguely, he thinks that he hears the water boiling on the stove… 

_Goddamn_ , is Rick vocal, Negan thinks, but he loves it. He wants to hear Rick scream his name into the night. As it is, Negan lifts his head up, placing kisses to Rick's cheeks and heading to his mouth, making him whine—when he hears the water on the stove boiling. He stops his kisses to look at Rick, roll his hips against his again - making Rick _yelp_ \- and whispers with a slight smirk to the corners of his lips, "Rick. I think the water's done." Rick grips Negan and his head falls forward, turned into Negan's, as Negan whispers in his ear. 

_The damn water_ … 

He digs his nails into Negan's skin and leans back a bit to kiss Negan's clavicle and then bite it. He groans. "It is, huh?" he says, nipping and licking at Negan's salty skin. 

Negan chuckles lowly, groaning as Rick bites him. Isn't that _his_ job? But he pushes the back of Rick's shirt up again, feeling up his spine. Rick shivers at Negan's hands on his backbone. "I do believe so," Negan replies. "Best we get ready, hmm?" 

Grinning into Negan's neck, Rick thinks, _Why though_ if they're just going to get dirty anyway… He chuckles low.

Then Negan tugs on Rick's shirt and growls into his ear, " _Off,_ " and Rick flushes all the way down to his toes. He whines low and reluctantly shifts to put space between them. Negan moves his hands to Rick's chest as he tugs on his shirt there. If Rick doesn't take this off soon, he's going to _rip_ it off. Rick presses his head to Negan's and nuzzles against his forehead, sniffing his soft hair. 

"Are you gonna… make me go?" he says, grinning and laughing softly and kissing Negan's hair. Negan grins and huffs, making a small noise at the attention Rick's giving him. 

"Would you like it if I joined you?" he offers, running a cool palm down Rick's chest to his waistline. 

Oh _that's_ what Negan wants. Rick's smirk is soft and wry. Alright, alright. He goes to unbutton it—but then Negan kisses under his chin before looking him in the eye and Rick whines softly, hands going to Negan's shoulders, his neck, and head. He holds Negan's face gently. 

He nods and says, "Yeah," softly, arching up and closing his eyes as Negan touches him. "Yeah, that'd be nice." He turns his head to kiss the side of Negan's.

"Good," Negan purrs, before Rick nips his ear, licking and nibbling and tugging on the top of it gently with a smirk. Negan gasps, and his hand on Rick's shirt tightens as he shudders. _"Rick…_ " he whines, gripping Rick's hip with his other hand and pulling him down again. Rick yelps, and then he's in Negan's lap again. He grins and leans in to kiss Negan's lips, his hands on his chest. 

"We should probably," he says between kisses, "get the water." He smirks again against Negan's lips, and Negan kisses back and nods. 

"Yes, we should," Negan mumbles against his lips before biting down on the lower one playfully. He licks it and makes Rick chuckle and hum before he leans back and grips underneath Rick's thighs, holding on while he stands up. Rick cries out with a laugh as Negan lifts him, and he grips Negan's neck for balance. "We're gonna need some cold water yet," Negan says into Rick's neck where he's licking again as he lets go of Rick's thighs gently to let him stand on his own. 

"Right…" Rick reluctantly agrees. This is why baths only happen once a week…

Negan's hands only let go for a moment as they slide up and squeeze appreciatively at Rick's ass. Rick cries out and jerks forward into Negan more. He glares up at him and snorts a laugh as he holds his arms. 

"The water?" he asks pointedly, looking over at it and back. 

Negan hums and grins, kneading him more. Rick whines and flushes, his hands skittering down to Negan's sides in retaliation; he grips the fabric of his shirt tightly, eyes averted. Absently, Negan wonders how much cake he would have to make to get Rick to gain a few pounds right _here_. He leans forward, kissing Rick's cheek, and says, "I like this. This is nice." Rick goes an even deeper shade of red and snorts and then Negan pats his ass softly, making Rick jerk and bite his lip, eyes on the floor. His lips twitch at Negan's words. 

Negan backs up and looks at the boiling pots then, and Rick reluctantly un-grips his clenched fists from Negan's shirt.

"But, yes, the water," Negan says. "Let me get it so you don't burn yourself." 

"Right," Rick says, backing up a little and standing by the pushed away table with his arms crossed, still a little flushed, as Negan dumps the water into the tub with ease. After the first pot's in, Negan turns and kisses Rick's red cheek quickly, grinning and making Rick go pink. He grabs the second pot and pours that one in. 

"Alright, I'll go grab some cold water," he says, kissing Rick's cheek _again_. "Why don't you go ahead and pick which aroma you want." He gestures down to the table to the perfume bottles. "There's lavender and rose. Go ahead and add in a couple drops. I'll be right back." He smiles and touches Rick's cheek.

"Okay," Rick says, a little dazedly, and then he watches as Negan is out the door. 

There's a beat and then Rick blinks and shakes his head. _Jesus_. What did Negan say about aromas? He closes the door behind Negan to keep in the heat and goes to inspect the bottles. They're pretty carved glass with intricate gold stoppers. Wow. Rick smells both but likes the lavender much better - it has a subtler, sweeter scent, and, after a moment's hesitation, he pours a little in. 

He feels a little wrong for using something so expensive on something as mundane and short as a _bath_. What use is there for it besides just to make it smell nice? It's a luxury Rick isn't used to and feels guilty for it already. He swallows heavily as he puts the stopper back in. 

Negan arrives back a few minutes later with the bigger of the two pots filled. It's steaming a little, the cold water touching the hot metal. He kicks the door closed behind him as he walks over and dumps it in, cooling the scalding water. He sniffs the air. "Mmm, lavender, huh? Good choice," he says, giving Rick a smile, and Rick hums. 

"It smells nice," he says. 

It sure does smell nice, which means _Rick_ will smell nice, Negan thinks.

Rick assesses the bathtub. It's steaming, but there isn't really enough water in it yet. Rick looks to Negan. "Do you want me to help, or…?" 

Negan smiles and shakes his head. "It's alright, I got it just fine. I'm gonna go get another of this pot, and we'll heat it up. I think that should be enough but we'll see." He nods at his own calculations, winks at Rick, and leaves again.

"Okay, sure, sounds good," Rick says with a small smile as Negan leaves. He kind of feels like he should have insisted, but Negan _is_ a lot stronger than him… 

As soon as Negan's gone again, Rick realizes it'll probably be another fifteen minutes before the new pot's boiling, even with the already-hot stove. He hums and looks around. He wonders if Negan has any wine or anything. He knows Negan can't drink any but… maybe… he could still taste it in Rick's blood. Would he even want that? It sounds ridiculous, and Rick knows he shouldn't be _looking_ for reasons to give Negan his blood. But, he figures, if that's the deal now to keep him off the animals then he might as well let Negan drink from him when he's in the mood to do so. 

He exhales and goes to the cupboard. He looks around the shelf with the most jars and bottles and digs around. It's not long before he finds a small unopened bottle of wine. Perfect. He takes it out, closes the cupboard door, and brushes the label with his thumb to get the dust and dirt off. It's not too old, and looks decent, but he would probably try anything, he thinks with a small chuckle. 

Just then he hears Negan come in the door and he looks up a tiny bit guiltily, holding the bottle low at his side. Negan kicks the door closed again and sets the newly filled pot of water on the stove. He pokes at the wood. 

"Alright. Not long now," he says, setting down the poker and looking over at Rick who's moved by the cupboard. He scans him and notices something in his hand that kind of looks like he's trying to hide. Negan tilts his head and steps closer. "Whatcha got there, _caro_?"

"Uhhh," Rick says with a guilty little laugh as he holds the bottle out, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well I was thinking, if you don't mind, I mean…" he takes a breath in and out, "we have a little bit of time and you could uh, have some too, if you know what I mean…" He coughs and looks down, flushing again. 

Negan looks between the bottle and Rick for a moment, trying to put together what he's saying. He doesn't care if Rick drinks the wine, but how can he… _oh_. 

"Oh," Negan breathes, realization dawning on him. He wonders if that would work. Can he be affected by alcohol anymore? He's never tried it. He slinks over to Rick, chuckling, taking his hips in hand and kissing his head. Rick hums happily.

"I'd love to have a drink with you," Negan says, moving his mouth down by Rick's ear. "Of you," he purrs, and a dopey grin crosses Rick's face. He chuckles low and hums again, putting his hands on Negan's chest lightly. 

"Yeah, I know you would," he says, looking up at him. Negan grins, his teeth gleaming. He leans down and captures Rick's lips in a soft kiss, making Rick whimper and kiss back softly.

"You want a glass for that?" Negan asks, pulling away just enough to speak, and Rick looks up at him with wide eyes, ready to lean back in and kiss some more, because he wasn't exactly finished… "Or do you just wanna drink from the bottle?"

With a lopsided grin, Rick chuckles low. "Well, I think a glass would be nice if you have it - a little classier." He snorts and laughs. Like _that_ matters anymore. 

Negan smiles and pecks Rick's lips, making Rick whine and stop himself from leaning in again for another. "Go sit down. I'll bring you one," Negan says, nudging Rick towards the couch and going to his cupboards. Rick watches him go and sits on the edge of the couch. He holds the bottle and then realizes he needs something to open it with. But then… he wonders if Negan can do it with his hands. Probably.

Negan reaches up to a high shelf and brings down a dusty wine glass. Taking a rag, he wipes it out and makes sure it's decent. Rick watches him work, not so much that he's all that curious… but he likes watching Negan, whatever he's doing.

Negan comes back to him then. "Here you are, _caro_ ," he says, bowing as he holds the glass out. Rick sighs quietly, and then looks up at him with a smile. 

"Thank you ever so much," he says with a little posh accent, a nod and a grin, as he takes the glass. He puts it carefully on the floor then and looks back up at Negan with a small laugh, holding the bottle up. "So ah, do you have a bottle opener or uh… can you just open this yourself?" There's a playful tilt to his lips and a glimmer in his eyes as he asks. Negan smirks and places his hand over Rick's on the bottle, helping him hold it still. 

"I got this," he says, before biting the exposed cork plugging the bottle, digging his teeth in, and giving a quick tug. The cork comes out with a _pop_. Rick snorts and rolls his eyes with a grin and Negan spits the cork out into his hand, showing it off to Rick with a silly grin on his face. "Ta-da!"

"Very nice," Rick says dryly with a shake of his head. He takes the glass from the floor and pours himself a little, turning the glass so the rich dark liquid doesn't splash. His parents may have been rough folk, but they taught him basic table manners. Negan sits down right next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist and settling his chin on his shoulder.

Rick smiles and puts the bottle on the floor out of the way and brings the glass to his nose. The first thing he notices is that it smells almost… fruity. His lips twitch up, and his mouth waters. He doesn't crave alcohol like some people, but the last time he had wine was… ages ago, and it's nice to have a little now and again. 

"Can I have a smell?" Negan asks as he watches him. That's the main reason Negan even has that bottle since he can't drink it. Smell is the only way for him to consume the food and drink he's been barred against eating. 

But… if he can taste it through Rick… then maybe he's not completely barred.

Rick hums and leans into Negan on the sofa so their faces are close. Negan's arm around him feels so good. "Yeah, of course," he says, and holds the glass to Negan's nose. He watches Negan almost… affectionately. 

Negan tilts his head forward and takes a deep breath of the wine. His eyes flutter shut as he hums. It's so nice. He can almost taste it on his tongue from the aroma alone, and something about it seems to remind him of… Rick. 

Rick's lips twitch.

"Mmm, thank you," Negan says, leaning back and kissing Rick's cheek, making Rick grin. "Now try it. Tell me if you like it."

Humming, Rick brings the glass to his lips. He swirls it around so the smell is even more fragrant, and then he takes a sip. He hums again. It's sweet, with a hint of strawberries and… cocoa. 

"It's good," he says, enjoying the flavor on his tongue. He turns to Negan. "Want a pre-taste?" he asks with a small smile, leaning in close. The wine's still on his lips. Negan actually starts as Rick leans forward. "Can you taste it if you kiss me or would that be bad for you?" Rick asks, eyebrows drawing together. 

Blinking, Negan looks into his eyes. "No, it… should be fine," he says, sounding a little unsure. It's not enough for him to actually swallow, so he can't see it harming him, he's just never tried it. 

A little worried at Negan's tone, Rick pauses. That doesn't sound very confident. But then Negan leans forward and presses his lips to Rick's for a moment before going ahead and licking them gently, tasting the sweet, sweet strawberry wine and humming softly. 

Rick grins. He kisses back and then exhales hungrily. 

"Do you like it?" he asks, and Negan nods, and then Rick says, "It's funny. Could you be a wine-taster, do you think?" he asks with a smirk. "I mean they don't drink it either." He laughs and Negan does, too. "They just swirl it around in their mouths and then spit it out. Sounds like a damn terrible waste to me though…" he snorts under his breath with a chuckle. 

Negan grins. "I love it," he says, "But I'm not sure I could do that. If I did swallow it by accident, it wouldn't be a pretty scene." He sticks his tongue out and makes a disgusted face, and Rick laughs, maybe a little darkly. "Plus, it tastes better from your lips than a glass anyway," he purrs, nuzzling into Rick, and Rick sighs. 

"How… how much would you have to drink for it to disagree with you? Even a little? What happens?" Rick thinks it might be a rude question to ask, but he's curious, and Negan seems to be all too willing to show him what happens to his body when things happen to it that shouldn't…

"Enough to really swallow it, I guess," Negan shrugs, not even phased by the question. "I haven't done it that often, so I don't know the exact amount, but it pretty much just sits in my stomach for a while and then comes right back up." He shudders and hugs Rick closer. "It's not fun to do or pretty to see."

"Right…" Rick says. "Well, that's… unpleasant." He laughs nervously and hums as Negan hugs him. He sighs and maneuvers his left arm out between their bodies and carefully puts it around Negan. He's getting a little warm and Negan's cool temperature is nice. He leans back a bit and drinks another sip of the wine, savoring the subtle fruit flavors. 

"Very," Negan agrees, smiling as Rick touches him. The heat from him feels amazing. 

He watches Rick as he drinks, smelling the wine become apart of his scent. Negan will wait until Rick's finished to take his own drink. Maybe when they're in the bath. For now, he tucks his nose into Rick's neck and just holds him close, savoring what time left they have together, allowing the moment to stretch out.

He knows that Rick will come back to him, but that doesn't make it any easier to let him go. He wants to savor their last few hours together before everything changes, for better or worse. It makes his heart ache to think that Rick might turn on him. Might spill his secret. Might leave him alone… But, he trusts Rick. He said that he trusted him and he does. So he has to do just that… and hope that everything works out. 

Negan sighs and squeezes Rick again, closing his eyes and inhaling his scent, tinged with sweet strawberry wine.


	14. Bath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Negan enjoy a stove-heated bath together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Atmosphere sound mix here~](https://at-home-other.ambient-mixer.com/a-cabin-at-night---)

It's not too long until the water's boiling. Rick's glass, still a quarter full, is on the floor, and his hand is in Negan's hair. He's enjoying the crackle from the fire and Negan's heavy, soft body around him and under his chin. He runs his fingers through Negan's hair and looks over at the pot before yawning. 

"I think it's finished." 

Negan stirs, kisses Rick's neck, and looks up and over at the pot. _Finally_. He sits up more and grins. "Don't fall asleep on me now," he laughs. "Come on!" He gives Rick a squeeze before going to the stove, and Rick gets up and stretches, watching Negan pick up the pot and dump it in. The new water causes the lavender smell to waft back into the air, and Negan sniffs and sighs. He feels the tub water. Warm, but not too much so. After he sets the pot down, he pulls his shirt off. "Come on, come on!" he says giddily to Rick, and Rick bites his lip, getting a little nervous about Negan's enthusiasm.

"Hey, how about you go first," he says, "I don't know if we can both fit in there anyway." He laughs softly, nervously, and runs a hand through his hair. Negan whines and comes to him, placing his hands on his hips and looking into his eyes. At the contact, Rick makes a small noise and swallows, helpless to deny Negan much when he does this. A moment passes as Negan looks into each of his blue-grey eyes, then he gently touches their foreheads together.

"Rick, it's for you," he says. "We'll fit. We will, but if you don't want me in there I won't join you, but it _is_ for _you_."

"Yeah, I—I know," Rick says, and sighs. "Okay, okay, but turn around or close your eyes while I get undressed, alright?" He bites his lip. 

Negan has a quip on his tongue, something about having seen it all before, but he swallows it. This isn't the time to tease. He knows that.

"Okay," he says, pecking Rick on the lips before going back towards the tub, but facing the table and looking at the soap he brought out. Rick sighs in relief. He knows it's ridiculous, but he likes his privacy.

"Whenever you're ready, _caro_."

"Thank you," Rick says, and goes up to the tub. His hands are shaking slightly as he unbuttons his shirt, but he calms quickly and then all his clothes are in a folded pile on the kitchen table near the window. He's naked, and a little terrified about it, but the tub is big and as soon as he steps into it he knows it's going to easily envelop him right up to his shoulders. 

Negan listens to Rick get ready, fidgeting with the soaps on the table before he unwraps the bandage from his arm. His sunburn from earlier is all but completely gone.

Rick feels the water. It's very warm, not too hot. The temperature is wonderful, and a full-body shiver rolls up his spine as he steps into it. Oh, he missed this. Even if it's only been a week since his last one. Cold baths in streams and rivers are refreshing, but there's something soul-soothing and luxurious in a nice hot tub bath. 

Humming as he gets into the water, soon he's crouched up into the far end with his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms around them. "Alright," he says, looking down and taking a breath. 

Turning back, Negan smiles when he sees Rick curled up in the tub. He scoots the table a little closer to the tub so it's within arms reach from it, before he gets the rest of his clothes off with absolutely no care about his state of nudity. Rick's eyes widen when Negan starts getting undressed in front of him, and then he quickly averts his gaze, coughing and going a little pinker. Negan lets his clothes drop to the floor and goes to the edge of the tub, glancing over to Rick before stepping in. As he does, Rick curls up a little more, wrapping his arms more firmly around his knees.

Negan sits on the other end, facing Rick, and lets his legs stretch out on either side of the human as he sinks into the water. Rick jerks when Negan's feet brush his hips underwater. _Jesus._

" _Ah, yeah_ ," Negan moans. "That's good stuff." He wiggles his toes next to Rick's hips, and Rick snuffs a laugh - because it tickles, and for no other reason, of course. Negan grins and winks at him, making him flush further. "How you doin'?" he asks, wanting to make sure he's comfortable. 

"Good," Rick says with a small, weak smile, looking down. "This is nice. This is a nice _tub_." Honestly, he's never seen a tub as grand as this. It's massive compared to the little metal buckets he's used to. Compared to those, this is… princely. 

Grinning, Negan pats the sides of the tub. "Brought this beauty over from Europe," he explains. "I enjoy being clean, and after so many cramped boring baths, you get tired. You want a little pizazz after a couple decades." 

Snorting, Rick rolls his eyes with a smile. He's always staggered when Negan tells him of his extravagances. He wonders why the man didn't buy a nicer house somewhere instead of getting a little cabin way out in the middle of nowhere, but he supposes he understands it. For a vampire, it makes sense.

Negan throws his head back over the edge of the tub then, relaxing more into the water, and sighs.

"Yeah, I get that," Rick says with another half-smile, watching Negan relax. He's beautiful, Rick thinks as Negan exposes his throat; the curve of his muscular shoulders and the plane of his chest… the brush of black and grey beard that starts under his throat… his dark nipples that aren't quite covered by the water. And, Rick can't help but see through the rippling but clear warm bath - since Negan has his head turned totally away, anyway - the shape of his cock nestled in dark hair between his legs. 

Rick flushes hotly and swallows, looking away. It's… nice, seeing all of him. He isn't afraid of Negan anymore - much - and he enjoys being in his company. He likes seeing Negan and being close to him. It puts him at ease as well as excites him - he wants to explore him all over, and have that affection be returned. He thinks that their relationship might not be a healthy one, considering everything that's happened, but you only live once, and he can't deny that Negan is incredibly attractive - when he isn't being an ass, anyway. 

Negan, meanwhile, can practically _feel_ Rick's eyes on him, wandering his body. _Good_. He wishes that Rick would let him do the same, but he seems pretty intent on staying in that little ball of his. Well, not if Negan can help it. 

Rick smiles slightly, eyelids heavy as he sinks a little deeper into the soothing water, and Negan lifts his head back up to look at Rick with a knowing smile. 

"Hey, why don't you come over here, hmm?" he asks, gesturing for Rick to come closer, and Rick looks up at him with wide, surprised eyes, then down at the water in front of him, and back up. "You're so far away, and I wanna wash your hair remember?" Negan gestures to the soap on the table. 

"Uhhh…"

"C'mon. I don't bite," he says with a grin, and Rick chuckles slightly.

"Right," he says, and then his smile falters. But he keeps a carefully calm, interested expression on his face and takes a breath before pushing himself up a little. "O-okay, ah, where do you want me for that, um… f-facing you or not?" His heart's started to beat a little faster. He swallows. He's nervous but not _that_ nervous. He's interested in this… new experience. And it's just… Negan washing his hair. It's fine. It'll be good. 

Negan's grin softens as he sees how nervous Rick is. Gosh, it's like he's asking him to jump off a cliff instead of wash his hair. Rick's heartbeat is so loud, and if Negan wasn't so well-fed, he'd be tempted. As it is, he pats the water in front of him. "Whichever you want, _caro_ , but you might fit better if you face away from me." He gestures to Rick with his first two fingers to come on a little closer.

Rick snuffs a laugh and takes a deep breath before nodding. He scoots closer and then shimmies around in the water so his back is to Negan. For a second, he feels utterly vulnerable, but then he remembers that he trusts Negan and that this is okay. It's fine. 

He shivers and drops his head down a little, his legs unfolding slightly so he's sitting crossways in the bathtub with his knees against the sides. He puts his folded arms on his knees and sighs. "This is good?" he asks, partially to just hear Negan talk. Negan chuckles softly. 

"Yeah, that's good, Rick, but, uh…" 

Rick straightens and panics for a second, and Negan reaches out and touches his shoulder, pausing for a moment, more of letting Rick know where he is, before moving his hands down Rick's back and holding onto his hips. 

_What_ —

"You're kinda far away, love." 

"Oh, yeah," Rick says, when he realizes what Negan means, and with that, Negan lightly tugs him back, settling him between his thighs and leaning forward so his chest is touching Rick's back. Rick swallows and makes a small noise, blinking fast in surprise when Negan's suddenly behind him, chest-to-back. Rick takes calm, even breaths through his mouth. "Okay," he says softly, warming up all over at the close, intimate contact. Negan kisses Rick's shoulder sweetly, and Rick exhales slowly. 

"Rick, relax," Negan says, rubbing at Rick's upper arms soothingly. "You're okay." He kisses behind Rick's ear and Rick shivers, laughing softly and pulling back a little automatically, reaching for Negan's hand on his arm. His shoulders go up and then he slowly leans back again, looking back at Negan. 

"Yeah, I know. I'm fine," he says softly with a small smile, and Negan searches Rick's eyes for a moment, making sure he really is _fine_. 

He nods. 

"Okay. Good," he says softly, touching his forehead with Rick's, making him smile. He moves his hands, wrapping his arms around Rick's shoulders and hugging him close. Between the warmth of the water and the warmth of Rick, Negan feels hotter than he has in centuries. It's fantastic. 

Rick hums and closes his eyes. He reaches up to hold Negan's arm gently, brushing his skin with his thumb.

"You'll tell me if you're not fine, right?" Negan asks. Rick pauses. 

"Yeah, I will," he says, and then he brings Negan's right wrist up to his mouth to kiss, half a dozen times, and then hums, just holding Negan's hand to his lips. Negan meanwhile tucks his face into Rick's neck and kisses all along it down to his shoulder and back up. 

Negan shivers. The affection from Rick is wonderful. He can feel Rick's blood pumping through the jugular vein in his neck against his lips. He can smell the strawberry on Rick and the lavender in the water. Sighing, he just rests his head there on Rick, feeling at peace with the world. This is nice. He doesn't want this to ever end.

As Negan kisses him, Rick whimpers softly. It feels so good. He shivers and leans into Negan for a moment, and then pushes back just a bit more, wanting to get even closer. Negan hums and smiles, and bends his knees slightly to bracket Rick into him a little more. For someone so nervous just a few minutes ago, Rick surely has flipped a switch. 

Negan sits up, though, and kisses Rick's temple. Rick makes a small sad noise at the change in position but then reluctantly pushes up a little in the water, too, though he hates to expose more of his body to the cooler air. Negan unwraps his arms so he can reach up to pet Rick's hair and Rick hums and shivers. _Oh that feels good_.

"Let's wash this, huh?" Negan asks, and Rick nods. 

"Okay," he agrees, but he pushes into Negan again gently and smiles mischievously. Negan snorts, rolling his eyes, and Rick chuckles. 

"Wait till you're clean," Negan chides, before leaning down and nipping Rick's shoulder in a soft warning. Rick yelps and turns to look at Negan with another shiver. He wants to kiss him so badly... but Negan just pats him on the head like a dog, making Rick pause again, startled, but also quiet down. Negan then reaches over and grabs the bar of shampoo, breaking off a little corner of it. Rick looks at the bar curiously, and then Negan takes Rick's hand out of the water, places the chunk of shampoo in it, and then lifts Rick's other hand to sandwich them together. "I need you to heat that up. Rub it between your hands, get it like a lotion," he explains, holding both of Rick's hands in his and moving them back and forth in a rubbing motion.

"Yeah, I got it," Rick says in annoyance, tugging his hands away. He isn't _totally_ useless, thanks. Negan smirks, letting go of Rick's hands, and then picks up the small cup from the table, scooping up some water and starting to wet Rick's hair, making sure it doesn't drip into his face.

Rick flinches when the water hits his head, and he ducks down in surprise. "Hey! A little warning first?" he asks with a small laugh-snort, shaking his head _like a dog_ , and getting water all over. Negan laughs and blocks his face from the water Rick's throwing around. 

"Hey, you're worse than Lucille!" he cries, and an indignant canine huff comes from Negan's bedroom. "Alright, this is your warning. Water incoming," he says with a grin as he scoops up more water and pours it over Rick's head. Rick chuckles and tries to keep the soap from getting too much water in it as Negan dumps some more on his head. He hums, sighing as Negan massages into his curls.

When Negan's satisfied with how wet Rick's hair is, he sets down the cup in the water, letting it float around in front of Rick, and holds his hand out. "Shampoo ready?"

"Yeah," Rick says, wiping the goo off on Negan's cool fingers and sniffing before putting his hands in the water and rubbing quickly to make some bubbles with the excess. It smells so nice.

"Thank you...." Negan rubs his hands together, spreading the shampoo around before going in and scrubbing at Rick's hair with it. He works his way through the wet curls, massaging as he goes, and Rick whimpers happily at the smells and sensations - Negan's large strong fingers digging into his scalp. It feels wonderful and perfect. 

"This shampoo's made with rosemary and tea leaves," Negan says softly. "It'll make your hair soft and silky, and smell delicious."

"O-oh wow," Rick says, sniffing. Huh. It does smell good. It smells _amazing_ , and the tea smell kind of makes him want to drink the water. He inhales appreciatively and hums. He wipes his face every so often as Negan works, keeping the soap out of his eyes. 

Negan continues scrubbing at Rick's hair, working out a few tangles and clumps of dirt, excited for Rick to have beautiful clean curls. When it's all sudsy and he can smoothly run his fingers through it, he tugs on Rick's hair gently. Rick makes a small noise, confused. 

"Lean your head back, _caro_. I'm gonna rinse it out," Negan explains, grabbing the cup and filling it up again.

"Oh, yeah, okay," Rick says as he drops his head back. He puts his hands on Negan's legs for support as he looks up at him upside down. He leans his head back against Negan's chin, sighing. Negan chuckles and tilts his head down, kissing Rick's forehead, before pushing him forward slightly. 

"Water incoming," he warns again, before placing one hand on Rick's front hairline to act as a wall and using the other to pour the water onto his hair. He does this a couple of times before he's confident all the soap is gone, running his fingers through to make sure and causing Rick to shiver. 

Reaching over, he sets the cup down on the table and grabs the comb. The silver tingles on his skin. "Look up," Negan says, tapping on Rick's head, and then he begins combing through his hair slowly and in sections with the silver comb. It smooths through like a knife through warm butter. As he works he hums a soft, somewhat melancholy, [lullaby](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19bBGxf5k6k).

Rick sighs and closes his eyes as Negan combs his hair. It feels incredible. The scratching on his scalp and the occasional brush of Negan's fingers is heavenly, and he has to resist the urge to push into him like a cat. And the humming. It's such a beautiful melody…

"What is that?" he asks, having never heard it before. "Is it a song?" 

"A lullaby, yes," Negan says, still working the comb methodically through Rick's hair. "From a very long time ago. I think perhaps my mother might have sung it to me, but I can't remember. I think it used to have words, too… but I can't remember." He pauses for a moment in thought, but then continues, humming the song a little softer.

Rick shifts his fingers on Negan's legs as he looks down into the warm water. _A very long time ago_. How long ago? What time? What was Negan's mother like? 

Rick hums in acknowledgment, and then sighs as Negan continues, closing his eyes again. He wants to sink into this tub and sleep, his head on Negan's chest. At least that way they wouldn't both just be relying on his heat. He smiles and laughs softly. 

Negan continues on until he's combed all of Rick's hair out. He places the comb back on the table and pets down Rick's hair. Oh, it's like silk. "All done. Feel it," he says with a giggle, kissing Rick's shoulder. Rick smiles, pleased at the kiss, and reaches up to touch his hair. He smooths his hand over it and hums. 

"Nice," he says, looking back at Negan, "it feels very clean. Thank you." 

"Wait until it's dry. It's gonna be great." Negan grins, leaning forward to peck Rick on the lips. Rick hums, grinning into it. "And you're welcome. It's my pleasure. I'll wash your hair for you anytime." 

"Will you?" Rick asks with a smirk. "So I can just… come over here any time and get a full bath service for free?"

Negan chuckles. "Yes, _caro_. Anytime you want a spa day, you come right to me, okay?" 

Rick smiles. "Okay," he says quietly, and Negan lets his arms sink under the water and wrap around Rick's body loosely, pulling him closer. Rick huffs a laugh and takes a steadying breath. In this position, of course, Negan's cock is pressed nearly against his ass. He noticed it as soon as Negan pulled him close the first time, and he expected it. 

He swallows thickly and then turns over so he's facing Negan for a second, before he settles into the man's chest. Here, Negan's length is pressed up against his belly. It's nice. Neither of them is very hard, though Rick's aware of the fact that he's been carefully attempting to keep it that way, for him at least, and it's not exactly the easiest thing when you're… naked in a bath with an incredibly attractive man. 

Negan rubs Rick's back as he turns and settles against his chest. He slips down the back of the bath some, keeping Rick's face above the water, but submerging them just a bit more. 

Rick shivers, and his mind goes back to what Negan said, about him not having much of a sex drive, and not wanting Rick for sex. He likes it and is willing to do it, Rick knows, but he doesn't push. Rick almost wishes he would, for some weird reason. He kind of wants to get it over with, whatever that means. At least so he wouldn't feel so tense whenever it comes up all the time. He knows Negan would be gentle and considerate, and he trusts him. He does want it, he thinks. 

He does _like_ sex. It's just never been something he's ever really initiated or was driven to seek out. He fell in love with Lori and then _she_ was usually the one to initiate. She was far more into it than he was, though he always tried his best to make it good for her. He sighs. 

He's always thought he was different from other people. He got hints from an early age, and when they got married Lori would look at him strangely. She was loving and kind to him, and they were always good friends, and she never really talked about it, but he always got the sense that she wanted more from him. She wanted something from him that he could never really give her. She wanted… aggressiveness and boldness and… sexual drive. He _tried_. God, he did. But it was never really enough for her, and whatever energy he mustered up for it never lasted long-term. 

When they separated - because she was fed up with him, probably, he can admit now - he was a little relieved. At least then he could have a break from her disappointment and frustration. He got a little lonely, but he had a good relationship with Daryl, the lone hunter who lived out in a little shack in the woods outside of town. They'd been friends since Rick moved into the town when he was just a teenager. Their friendship had ebbed and flowed over the years, and he'd found solace in the other, slightly older man. Comfort. But more often than not it was nothing sexual. That wasn't absent entirely, but their relationship wasn't built on that. They were both similar in that respect, and maybe that was why he was drawn to the other man.

In any event… he's no stranger to sexual acts between women _or_ men. And he might not want sex as much as other people, but he almost feels like… it's necessary or needed for a relationship. In his gut he feels like maybe that's a stupid idea, but he can't help but wonder, despite what his partners tell him, that something just isn't _right_ , if the sex isn't right. He can't help but wonder if he's failing in some way - if he takes too long to warm up or doesn't want it as much. He had trouble with girlfriends about that before Lori, and it eventually ended his marriage with her. 

Daryl was different, but does that matter, he wonders. What really matters? Those who care? Or those who don't? Or both? Who the hell knows, he thinks with another sigh.

He listens to the fire crackle and tries to relax. 

Negan watches him curiously, calmly. 

The gears are chugging in Rick's head, he knows. He can practically hear them, and he's starting to recognize that kind of far away look Rick gets when he's mulling something over. He lets Rick think, closing his eyes and tracing circles along his back, just soaking up the warmth from all around.

He wonders if Rick will come visit him often. He knows it might take a while to get in touch with the children's mother, so he understands that they won't be leaving on grand adventures just yet, and, in the meantime, nightly visits to or from Rick sound wonderful. 

He wants to teach Rick about the places he's been to. He wants to tell him his history. Rick is the first human to ever get this close to him in hundreds of years, and it's thrilling. There's just something about Rick that's so attractive, and he does wonder if it's something in the human's blood, but he hopes it's more than that.

He hopes Rick feels it, too.

Feeling Rick sigh against his chest again, he opens his eyes halfway to look down at him. "What are you thinking about, _caro_?" he asks very softly.

Rick sighs. "Oh… nothing much." He curls more into Negan, loving the feel of his hand on his back. The hot water is so nice, and the heat from the stove and the fireplace are keeping the cabin warm. He wonders vaguely what time it is, but he supposes it can't be after midnight. 

Negan hums at the answer but doesn't press. His fingers dance around Rick's back for a moment longer before he trails them down and skims over one of Rick's soft cheeks. The touch isn't even flirty, it's just a touch. Just Negan feeling as much of Rick as he can. He draws a circle there before going back up.

Rick flushes at Negan's touch, and shudders, his breathing picking up a little. He shifts against Negan and, since his left leg is over top Negan's, he inadvertently brushes his cock against Negan's thigh. Or maybe he meant to do it. 

Swallowing heavily, Rick turns his head into Negan's chest a little more, huffing softly. 

Again Negan hums, eyeing Rick as he shifts. Oh, he felt that. And he's been feeling Rick pressed against him for a while now. It would take more than that to get Negan's body to react, but Rick's belly was warming his cock up nicely anyway.

Smirking lightly, Negan shifts his leg, pressing his thigh against Rick's length. He's got both hands behind Rick now, smoothing down his skin to rest on his lower back. Rick trembles and just barely suppresses a whimper when Negan presses his thigh up. It feels so good... 

He's aware of Negan's hands on him lower down, and it makes him go pinker. He bites his lip and tries to stay as still as possible. 

Negan hears the tiniest of noises from Rick and raises an eyebrow. He's usually so vocal. What's this? 

" _Rick~_ " he purrs. "Rick, don't hide your pretty sounds from me." He presses his leg up again, pulling back so it rubs against the other man, creating some glorious friction between them. Rick cries out helplessly, jerking and shaking from the movement. He squeezes his eyes shut and whimpers, trying desperately to hide but not to escape. Oh, he's getting hard now. His nails dig into Negan's skin slightly as his cheeks flame red. 

He really does like when Negan says he likes the noises he makes. Any kind of praise undoes him. He thinks it's probably because it makes him feel less ashamed of everything; he just wants to know he's doing it _right_. 

Rick shivers. His cock is so sensitive now and any little movement makes him harder. He's probably leaking into the water now, too, though the bubbles from the soap are hopefully obscuring the worst of it. He wishes guiltily that they weren't. 

Licking his bottom lip, Negan looks down at Rick hungrily. "Better," he says, and Rick's dick twitches when he hears that rumbled word. 

Negan then trails his hands lower and caresses his _favorite_ part of Rick. He pushes down on him as he lifts his leg again, actually scooting the two of them back up a little bit, so they're more sitting than reclining, and feeling Rick's hardness grow against him. Rick whines and clutches Negan when he lifts them up. As Negan sits, up his right leg slots in between Rick's now bent ones so the pressure on his cock doesn't let up. Rick squirms and whimpers, but, however he moves, Negan's thigh rubs up against him and makes him _ache_. 

Negan loves being the cause of Rick's pleasure. Loves seeing it affect him and listening to his noises. It sends shivers down his spine. "Look at me, Rick," he says, softly, and Rick whines.

After a moment, he shakes his head. "No," he says softly, breathing heavy and whimpering at any subtle movement. Negan starts slightly at Rick's denial to look at him. _Excuse me?_

He's concerned for a moment. Is he doing something wrong, or is Rick just being a little shit? He sure seems to be enjoying this, though, so Negan cants towards to the latter. He snorts.

" _Rick_ ," he growls back lowly, tilting his head down and nosing at Rick's hair. Rick whimpers. "Look. At. Me." Negan squeezes, grabbing handfuls of Rick's ass and tugging him a hair closer, pressing against his erection the entire time. Rick yelps, jerking and whining as Negan grabs him. The friction is fantastic, and making him shudder. 

He shakes his head again, even as his lips twitch up in a soft laugh. "No," he says, and then, "I can't—" he breaks off with a whimper and presses his face into Negan's chest. He bucks gently and bites his lip, trying to get some more of that wonderful motion on his weeping dick. 

"You can't, or you won't, Rick? Hmm?" Negan asks lowly, his nose still in Rick's newly cleaned hair, and he rumbles at the buck. He moves his hands to Rick's hips, softly squeezing and slowing Rick's movements down. Rick whines, his cock twitching again at the question. And then Negan's got his hands on his hips, and Rick keens softly but doesn't fight it. Negan's hands feel so good, he doesn't even care that he's not getting stimulation. His lips twitch up and he wonders what Negan's next move'll be. 

When Rick still doesn't look at him, Negan frowns. He's having trouble reading Rick without his facial expressions, and it's starting to worry him. "Rick," he says, nudging him with his nose. "Please look at me? I need you to, _caro_. Please?" His hands start to shake where they sit gripping Rick's hips. Rick's eyebrows draw at Negan's tone and he looks up when Negan asks, worried, and searches Negan's eyes.

"Hey, Negan, yeah, I'm here," he says, shifting to sit up so they're more or less looking at each other, and Negan instantly relaxes. 

He's okay. He's okay.

Rick's hands drift up to take Negan's face gently in his. "What is it?" he asks. He doesn't know what suddenly happened to make Negan like this and he's concerned. He thought everything was okay… 

Negan smiles as Rick touches his face and he turns to kiss one of Rick's palms. Rick sighs and relaxes at the touch.

"I just… need to see you, okay?" Negan says against Rick's hand. 

"Okay," Rick says, though his heart is still beating hard. This early… any little stumble terrifies him. Negan trails kisses down Rick's wrist and arm and shoulder, and Rick watches with hidden worry. But then Negan bumps their foreheads together, looking into Rick's eyes. Rick swallows and sighs with a small smile.

"Don't hide from me, please?" Negan asks softly. "I don't know if you're okay, and that scares me."

"Okay," Rick says again, though he doesn't know… how he feels about the request. He understands it's coming from a place of concern and fear, but…

Negan flicks his gaze down as he smooths his hands from Rick's hips to his inner thighs. He looks back up at Rick. "You having a good time?" he asks with a half-smirk, and Rick smiles, but leans his head against Negan's. 

"Yeah…" he says, "But I don't… Negan, I don't know why, but it's difficult for me to _do this_ , and look at you at the same time." He looks up at him. "It's not that I don't _want to_ , I just…" He smiles again in embarrassment, "I don't know. It's like having the lamps off during sex or something." He laughs softly. "Does that make sense? I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything…" Rick trails off helplessly, unsure how to make them _both_ feel comfortable. 

Humming, Negan thinks over Rick's words. He flicks his eyes all over Rick's face, memorizing his features, before lifting his hands up and cupping Rick's jaw. He runs his thumb over Rick's red cheeks, and presses a soft kiss to his lips. Rick makes a small noise.

"What if you just close your eyes, _caro_?" Negan asks, trailing a kiss to Rick's cheek. 

Rick hums. "I don't know," he says, exhaling, eyebrows drawing together again. He shakes his head. "I don't know what you want me to…" He bites his lip, feeling suddenly inadequate and trapped. He knows it's irrational, but he can't help it. 

Negan leans back so he can hold Rick's face and look him in the eyes. He can feel Rick's nervousness, and he wants to quell it so bad. He thinks for a moment before he gets an idea. "Rick, I want to make you feel good. That's all I want to do," he says, stroking Rick's cheek. "I have an idea. What if you face away from me, like how you were, and just let me touch you? Let me get you off?" Negan smiles, hope in his eyes, and Rick looks at him warily. 

He really just wants to get out and go sleep right now, the whole thing be damned… But he sees the hope in Negan's eyes, and he sighs and looks down. He wants to say yes, but he feels so muddled right now that it'd probably be useless anyway. 

"Mmm, that sounds good, but I think I want to get out… now…" he says, and looks at Negan with a small smile. "But I want to continue this in bed, okay?" he asks. He _wants_... to finish this. But not here, and he thinks that he needs a warm towel and some clothes on first. 

Negan nods slowly, his eyebrows knitting at Rick's words. They don't seem to match his body language. "Okay, Rick. Okay." Negan brings Rick's face forward to kiss his lips briefly, and Rick smiles, relieved. 

Negan motions to the table. "There are a couple of towels there." He reaches down and pats Rick's thigh. "You get out first, _caro_ , since you're… on me." He huffs a small laugh and looks off to the side of the room, away from Rick, thinking that even though they just bathed together, Rick would probably still want privacy.

Rick nods. "Okay," he says, looking back at Negan. He bites his lip, unsure, before getting out. He grabs the towel and wraps it around his waist. He gets his clothes on the table by the window, and a candle in a candleholder. "I'll… be in the bedroom," he says with a glance back at Negan, who gives him a nod, before he goes in, leaving the door only partly closed. 

There, he puts the candle and his folded clothes on the dresser and dries off before finding his sleep pants and a shirt which he pulls on. He sits on the bed and shakes off the towel - and hopes he didn't upset Negan. That wasn't his intention at _all_ , and it makes his chest ache to think that he might have, anyway. 

In the bath still, Negan's fingers hold his head up while his elbow rests on the edge of the tub. He sighs. Something in the air feels off, but he doesn't know if it's him or Rick. They need to talk about this, he thinks, as he sinks down into the water. He lets it cover his mouth and nose, stopping just under his eyes. He lets out a noise of frustration, the water bubbling around his mouth.

He doesn't think he's upset. He's not angry. He's just… Tired? Unsatisfied? Worried? Anxious? All of the above? Probably. He just wants Rick to be happy. Is that so much to ask for?

Negan gets out of the tub a moment later, drying himself off with the remaining towel, and goes to the bedroom, leaving everything as it is in the front and not caring about his nudity in any sense. He sees Rick on the bed and Lucille at the foot of it. He whistles and Lucille huffs at him but gets up and moves to the living room. Rick watches him carefully.

He searches Negan's face but doesn't find any indication of how he's feeling. It worries him, but he tries not to get anxious about it.

Negan drops his towel to the floor and grabs a new pair of pajama pants from his dresser, slipping them on before plopping down on the bed next to him and kissing his cheek. Rick smiles faintly at the kiss and holds the towel in his lap. Negan wraps his arms around him, nuzzling into his soft hair. It's mostly dry now, and just as he expected, it feels and smells amazing. Negan prides himself on a job well done.

"Rick, let's go to sleep," he says, though they both know it'll only be Rick falling asleep if anything. Rick makes a pained noise, but relaxes slightly when Negan hugs him and nuzzles into him. 

"Okay…" he says. He supposes Negan doesn't want to… finish their… session… now. If he says he just wants to sleep. Rick looks down, frowning slightly though trying to hide it. That's probably better. Even if, guiltily, he still kind of wants to get off. Well, he really does now, and he certainly will soon anyway. All of this frustrating starting and stopping isn't making him feel very good, even if he only has _himself_ to blame for that. Damn it. 

Negan slips away from Rick to scoot back and lay down on the bed, stretching out and showing off his bare chest. He looks over and beckons Rick to him with a finger and a small smirk. Rick snorts softly, smiling with his eyebrows knit.

Shadows and the golden light from the candle flicker across Negan's body, and Rick thinks he can hear crickets faintly from the slightly open window behind the curtain. 

He tosses the towel on the ground and gets up on the bed, looking at Negan curiously. He crawls up to him and then lies down beside him, facing him on his side. He watches Negan's face, hesitant. Negan smiles softly and turns to his side, wrapping his arm around Rick and pulling him flush to him, tucking him under his chin. He hums, content.

Rick makes a small noise and sighs. This is nice. This is good. He snuggles a little closer and fits his leg between Negan's so they're just a bit tangled. He sighs, closes his eyes, and lets the last of the tension leave his body. 

As Rick relaxes, Negan relaxes. This is perfect. This is all he needs. Nothing more. He tilts his head down to kiss Rick's head, nuzzling his nose into his hair and Rick whimpers softly. He loves it so much when Negan nuzzles into his hair. 

" _Buonanotte_ , Rick," Negan whispers. "Good night."

Rick hums. "Goodnight, Negan," he says, falling asleep soon after. 

Negan holds Rick as he sleeps, watching the candle on his dresser burn down. He's warm from the bath, warm from Rick. It's a nice feeling.

He knows Rick is going to leave him tomorrow, but he'll be visiting him at midnight. He won't even know Rick's gone because he'll be asleep. Though, he does hope he wakes him before he leaves.

Negan wonders if Rick will introduce him to his kids at some point. He's met Carl once before in passing, but nothing significant. Perhaps he will after Negan has publically _courted_ him enough. He hums and thinks about how he'll pull that off.

As the sun rises, Negan falls asleep, curled around Rick, nose still in his hair.


	15. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick goes home to see his kids...

**Monday, April 25th, 1881**

Rick wakes to the sound of birds chirping outside the window. Sometime in the night, he'd rolled over, so now his back is pressed up against Negan's bare chest, his arms around him. Rick sighs with a shiver. He can't hear anything from Negan. He wonders why he keeps expecting something. He sighs, closing his eyes.

And then he remembers, his eyes flying open. 

_He's going to see his kids today_. 

He grins, hugging Negan's arm before he exhales and sits up. He looks down at the sleeping man… vampire. He runs a hand through Negan's hair and leans down to kiss his cheek, then his mouth, smirking. He likes doing that. 

Rick dresses and eats breakfast - filling an excited Lucille's bowl while he's at it - and then goes out to see the horse. 

Sebastian snuffs at him from his stall and leans into his hand when he reaches out. 

"Hey Sebastian." He brushes his snout, and then sees that the horse's trough and water still have a little in them so he's hopefully not hungry or thirsty. "Good boy," he says, before going into the stall and saddling him up. He grabs the saddlebags from the workbench too. He's glad for those; it wouldn't look believable if he arrived in town with no saddlebags. 

He goes up to the house then to get the rest of his stuff. His hat, gun, and watch. 

He's in the main room, double checking… what, he doesn't really know. It's strange. He's about to leave here. He knows it's been less than a week since he... _arrived_... but it seems like a lifetime ago. Rick swallows and goes to Negan's door. He opens it again and sits on the bed. He doesn't know if he should wake him or not. But he supposes it might be better…

" _Negan_ ," he says, shaking his shoulder. He hopes he'll wake up. He doesn't want to cut his finger _every_ time he wants Negan to wake from his deep slumber… 

Negan wakes, thankfully, when Rick shakes him, blinking lazily. _What…_? His gaze lands on Rick and he inhales fully. _Oh, right._ He pushes up to sit, rubbing his eye.

Rick watches all of this affectionately. Sleep is cute on him.

"You off then?" Negan asks softly, and he nods.

"Yeah," he says just as quietly. "I got Sebastian all up and ready to go. Got the saddlebags on." He glances down and then up, and after a second he takes Negan's hand, brushing his cool skin with his thumb. "Come see me tonight," he says. "Midnight, like we said. It's the rooms on top of the hardware store." He's unsure if Negan knows where he lives. 

Negan smiles and nods, a little sleepy. "I wouldn't miss it for the world." He squeezes Rick's hand and reaches up with his other to caress Rick's cheek. Rick grins and leans into him, and Negan kisses him deeply. Rick sighs, kissing back thoroughly, and when they part he's left with wet lips and a hunger for more.

Negan chuckles. "Go, Rick. Go to your kids. Tell them I say hi." He grins and Rick snorts, smirking. 

"Oh yeah, I'll do that," he says. He squeezes Negan's hand. "Don't get into any trouble while I'm gone, now," he says with a twinkle in his eye. "I am the sheriff, after all…" 

Negan laughs at his jest. "Yes, sir," he purrs.

Rick smiles, but then remembers. "Hey, where's my badge, by the way? I just thought about that…" They both look back to Negan's dresser.

"Yeah, it's on top there somewhere." Negan waves his hand at it dismissively, laying back down but keeping his eyes on Rick, who goes over and checks on top of the dresser. He squints and picks up the painting of the woman… he never did ask who she was… and underneath, glimmering in the faint light, is his gold star. He picks it up and puts the painting down. He rubs at the metal with his sleeve and puts it in his pocket before going back to Negan, sitting on the bed. 

"Thanks," he says, putting a hand on Negan's cheek and stroking softly. "I'll see you soon." He leans in and kisses him once more. Negan kisses back longingly, not wanting him to go.

"Soon. Be safe." 

"I will." Rick smiles at him again before finally going to the bedroom door, giving Negan a small smile before heading out and closing it behind him. 

Negan sighs, still tingling from Rick's touch and kiss. How domestic. He lays back down, wishing already that Rick were still here with him. 

_Soon._

... 

Lucille sits on the porch wagging her tail, ready to see Rick off.

Rick comes outside and closes the door. He takes a breath and exhales, loving that fresh morning air. He looks down at Lucille. "Hey, girl," he says, leaning down to her and holding his hand out. She barks and rubs on his hand before reaching forward to lick his face. "Okay, okay," he says with a laugh, giving her a good rub. 

He goes to get Sebastian and brings him out. 

"You take care of him," Rick says to Lucille with a small laugh; he knows Negan can plenty take care of himself, but still. Lucille watches him and whines, as if realizing that he's leaving. "Hey, girl, it's fine," he says, hopping onto Sebastian's back and taking the reins. God, it's good to be back up on a horse, he thinks as he takes another deep inhale of the crisp air. "You'll see me around at some point, I'm sure."

Lucille lies down on the deck and whines at him, putting her head on her paws. 

"Goodbye, Lucille," he says, and she barks at him and pants. He shakes his head and leads Sebastian down the trail dappled with sunlight and the shade from the pine trees, not looking back.

The ride down the rocky trail to the town is pleasant, and he clicks and _whoa_ 's at Sebastian as they go. He figures he'll put the horse out back in a stall and then ask Negan if he cares whether he sells him or not, as he doesn't think they need two horses? He hopes that Daisy is in her stall at home, too. Carl knows how to care for her so hopefully he's been doing that. 

Along the way, Rick pins his star to his jacket.

It isn't long before he gets on a more well-used road and the trees get farther apart, and then they stop suddenly as he turns onto the dirt road with wheel tracks. He passes a few buggies driving out of town and waves to them as they go. 

They pass over a crest in the grassy plain and then the town comes into view. Rick swallows and a shiver runs up him. He's so glad to finally be back, though he knows he won't feel better until he's home and has Carl and Judith in his arms. 

As he enters the town he greets people, but at their questions and words of concern for his whereabouts, he says that he'll tell everyone just as soon as he goes to see his kids. He's quick to veer off between the barber's and newspaper office and then he's behind the storefronts and around where the paddocks are. Up ahead he sees the big leafy confor tree that's in the back of the hardware store and his heart goes into his throat. He sees Daisy in the corral behind. 

He grins and her ears perk up as she hears them coming. She whinnies and trots over, though a little hesitant probably because of Sebastian. He's bigger than her, but gentle, as far as Rick can see. He wonders with a small laugh if she'll like the company. 

"Whoa, boy," he says as he dismounts, and Sebastian snuffs. He ties the horse to the fence within reach of the water trough and takes a breath. He looks up at the stairs leading up to the balcony and sees that the door's open. From inside he can hear Olivia and the sweet little voice of Judith. He exhales gratefully and makes his way up the steps two at a time. Inside, Olivia is at the large iron stove in their main room making something that smells amazing in a frying pan, with Judith on her hip as she pokes the steaming food with a spoon. 

He knocks on a beam to let her know he's there, and she turns and jerks in surprise, dropping the spoon into the pan. "Ah! Mr Grimes!" she cries, putting a hand to her chest and breathing heavily. 

"Hi Olivia," he greets with a small, guilty laugh.

"Daddy!" Judith cries happily when she spots him, her arms out. His grin widens and he goes to her, taking her from Olivia and hugging her tight. 

" _Sweet pea_ ," he coos, tears coming to his eyes as he gives her a squeeze. She giggles and starts babbling to him everything that happened in the days that he was gone, he can barely keep up she talks so fast. 

"Mr Grimes, I didn't know you would be back so soon," Olivia says.

"Yeah, well, my… _trip_ … turned out to be shorter than I thought," he says with a guilty smile. "I'm sorry for keeping you all out of the loop. I wrote but then realized after that I would get to come back sooner. Is, ah, Carl around?" 

"Oh, he's um…" Olivia takes a few steadying breaths, her hand on her chest. "He's at school right now," she says. "Or he should be." She huffs and Rick laughs and kisses Judith. 

"Right. Well, I'll see him when he comes home for lunch… Thanks so much for taking care of the kids while I was gone under… such odd circumstances. I trust Carl was good. Helped out?"

"Yes, he was very helpful," Olivia says with a small smile. "He was very confused when you left and pestered your deputy to see if he could go on the search party." She laughs and shakes her head, "But Carol wouldn't have any of that and neither would I."

"Yeah, I wouldn't've wanted him to go…" Rick barely suppresses a shiver at the idea of Carl being there when Negan was… as he was. "Speaking of Carol though I better go and see her and let her know what's going on…" he says, brushing his hand through Judith's blonde hair. She looks like an angel in his arms.

"What… _is_ going on…?" Olivia asks.

Rick takes a breath and clicks his teeth. "Well…" he says, "I'm not exactly sure yet. But I'm back now, and I'll let you know if anything's changed," he says. 

Olivia nods, though she still seems tense. 

Kissing Judith again, Rick cuddles with her a little bit on the covered porch out back on one of the chairs. He answers her questions and asks her how the past week's been and how Carl's been, and he tries not to cry as she relates everything in her faltering, sweet two-year-old speech. He kisses and pets her hair as she talks, and nods and offers commentary along the way. Oh, how he missed her. He's _going to miss her_ when he and Negan go traveling. He's still unsure if he really wants to do that now… but if Lori comes back - at least while he's gone, if she wants to come anyway - then they'll be perfectly fine. They probably want to see her, too. It has been a while since they have… 

He knows he'll still miss them something fierce, though. 

Eventually, he gives Judith back to Olivia and then goes to unsaddle, rub down, and put Sebastian in the stalls with some oats. 

He gets his story straight as he works and then heads to the Sheriff's office to go talk to Carol.

...

It's nearly lunchtime when he's able to get away from her and half the town who he's 'explained' what happened to him to, and then as he's leaving the Sheriff's office he hears Carl's voice.

"Dad?"

Rick turns, and then Carl runs to him.

 _"Dad!"_

_"Carl,_ " Rick says, stumbling back a foot as Carl grabs him in a hug, his heart thumping hard in his chest. Rick squeezes the boy tight, a hand in his hair. 

"You're here…" Carl says, after a minute, leaning back. "I thought you said…"

"I know," Rick says, taking Carl's shoulder and getting him to walk with him. "I thought I was going to be longer, but it turns out there wasn't much for me to find in Crimson Creek," he says with a small laugh. "I'm sorry I was gone for so long. You taking care of your sister?"

Carl looks down. "Yeah, of course."

"And how's school going?"

"Uh… fine." Carl looks up at him, unsure.

"Good…" Rick says, giving his hair a rub. He knows Carl has questions, and he'll try and answer them as best he can, though he also knows he can't tell him everything. 

... 

That evening, he and Carl are on the back porch looking out at the sunset on the prairies and fields beyond with a lantern between them. Carl's already caught Rick up on everything that's happened in his absence and Judy's asleep, Olivia having gone home too. 

"Carl, I wanted to fill you in on something I haven't mentioned yet," Rick says. He's checked his watch and there's still a few hours till midnight. 

"Yeah?" Carl asks, turning to him. "What is it?" His eyebrows draw together and Rick smiles reassuringly.

"Well… before I went to Crimson Creek I happened upon a man in his cabin in the mountains… by the name of Negan. I don't know if you know him but he comes into town sometimes."

"Uh… yeah… isn't that that guy who Carol got Daisy from?" Carl asks.

"Yeah, that's the guy," Rick says, nodding. "So, when I went up there to check on his cabin, we started talking…" The memory of what really happened is at the front of Rick's mind. It's still painful, but he… understands why Negan did it now, mostly. "And when I got back I stopped at his place again, we talked some more, and we realized we had a lot in common and like each other's company. So he's going to be coming around later tonight because we wanted to see each other again. He doesn't travel in the day much - he prefers the night and it fits with his line of work… Anyway, I'm telling you this so you won't be alarmed if he shows up here sometimes or stays for dinner, okay?"

Carl's looking at him with wide, confused eyes, but he nods. "Okay," he says.

Rick reaches over and rubs Carl's head. "Good boy. Thank you." He kisses Carl's forehead, relieved he's taking this in stride. He was a little worried he'd be scared or angry, but it looks like he's accepting of it. And who knows, maybe he and Negan'll become friends. Weirder things have happened, Rick thinks with a sigh. 


	16. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan comes to visit Rick, and they make up for lost time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations are provided at the end.

Later, after Carl's gone to bed, Rick finds himself in the living room whittling a wooden toy for Judy with a carving knife. The stove's nice and hot, and the rooms are warm. 

During the day, he'd stopped in at the general store to pick up some candy, and had eaten pieces of it throughout the afternoon. He doesn't know why, but he still feels regretful for the night before. Maybe he's trying to make up for that. He sighs, glancing at his pocket watch on the table every little while, his heartbeat picking up as the minute hand gets closer and closer to midnight. 

...

As the sun sets, Negan wakes, just as he has for the last couple of centuries. He blinks into the darkness, and finds Lucille next to him. He wraps an arm around her and ruffles her fur. "Hey, girl. How are ya?"

" _Bored. Rick left_ ," she chuffs. Negan laughs and assures her that she'll see him again and for now she'll just have to deal with him. She rolls her eyes and scoots closer.

" _You okay?_ " she whines, nosing at Negan's injured arm. He hums and looks down at it, almost forgetting about it completely. When he'd taken the bandages off the night before for the bath there was still the hint of a burn, but now, it's like nothing had ever happened.

"Just fine," he assures her, showing off his newly healed arm. She sniffs at and then licks it. Laughing, he wraps his arm around and holds her, soaking up her furry heat. He has time before he needs to head out to Rick's, and he's missed Lucille.

Once he gets up and dressed in black and brown striped pants with a red button down shirt tucked in, suspenders over his shoulders, he gives Lucille dinner and then heads outside to check the sky. Midnight, Rick had said, but they both know Negan doesn't have a clock nor a watch.

The moon has yet to reach full mast, but it's getting there. He still has some time. He goes back inside and packs his satchel.

...

As he walks into town, the streets are empty, just as they had been when he'd delivered the letters. A few lamps are lit, but most have been blown or burnt out by now. He makes his way silently through the dark streets to the hardware store, hearing horses chuff as he goes around back. He smiles and pets Daisy and Sebastian in their stalls before he climbs the stairs to Rick's living quarters.

He can smell the wood burning and can see the glow of the fire through the windows. He smiles, able to sense Rick right behind the door. Waiting. Waiting for him.

Negan adjusts his bag on his shoulder and smooths back his hair before knocking softly on the door.

Inside, Rick jerks when he hears the knock, dropping the little wooden horse he was carving to the table. He takes a breath to calm himself and puts the knife down before going to the door. When he opens it, he does so knowing his heart's suddenly going a mile a minute (Negan snickers to himself when he hears Rick's heartbeat suddenly skyrocket) but relaxes in relief when he sees Negan. 

Negan quickly slaps a polite smile on his face.

"Hi," Rick says, smiling softly, and immediately steps up so they're flush with his hands on Negan's chest. Negan's about to answer him when Rick kisses him _hard_. He makes a noise of surprise but quickly kisses back, wrapping his arms around Rick and turning to the side, dipping him backward. Rick makes a small noise as Negan dips him. "Negan…" he chastises with a smile, breathing fast, "let me up."

Negan chuckles, pecks Rick's lips, and brings him back up. "Some kinda dance partner you are," he teases playfully with a wink. 

Rick huffs a laugh and pushes the door closed. Negan gestures around to the room. 

"This is a nice place ya got here. Cozy."

Rick looks around, too. It's a simple set of rooms, but he doesn't mind. "Yeah, it's not much, but it's ours…" he says, rubbing his neck. He's about to offer Negan some coffee or something before he remembers how dumb an idea _that_ is. 

Walking into the main room, Negan looks about, taking it all in and loving being engulfed in _Rick_. There are other scents there, too, of course; the kids, a helper, but Rick's is the strongest and the one Negan's attracted to. There's… something a little different about it on the man himself, though. 

A little curious, Rick watches Negan look around. It's strange to have him in his home after everything that's happened. He's just so wholly unused to seeing Negan anywhere other than his cabin… in confined quarters that aren't his own… with constant tension and confusion in the air. Here, he can breathe better, but he still feels a little tense. 

Coming back to him, Negan takes his hand, lifting his wrist to his nose and inhaling. He looks into Rick's eyes, a gleeful smile spreads over his cheeks, and Rick looks back at him, liking what he sees there.

"Rick… have you been eating sugar?" Negan asks, eyes big with gratitude.

"Maybe," Rick says with a small teasing smile. "Can you tell what kind it is?" He wonders if Negan can smell the caramelized sugar in his blood. 

...

In his bed, Carl stirs from sleep. The room is dark, and Judy's in her crib. A light breeze comes in through the open window - and he hears the deep voice of another man who isn't his father in the other room. _Negan_. He sees shadows under the door, moving and obscuring the yellow light from the fire. He listens, but the voices are too low for him to make out. 

He wondered what exactly his father meant when he said that Negan helped him… that he wanted to see him again. It didn't sound really like he wanted to see him for anything more than… talk… and Carl isn't sure exactly what that means. One thought does come to mind, and it makes him uneasy. He doesn't really know who this Negan person is… but he doesn't like the sound of him.

...

Negan hums and smells Rick's wrist again before moving to his elbow and sniffing there. When that doesn't work, he goes to Rick's neck and takes a deep breath. He shakes his head as he leans back while Rick chuckles softly. 

"All I can smell is _sweet_ , and it's not very strong. I mean, it's there, but barely. I can only guess you've been eating candy?" Negan cocks his head to the side. He's still holding Rick's hand, stroking his palm with his thumb.

"Yep. How much would I have to eat for you to be able to tell what it is, hm?" he asks. "A whole bucket?" He chuckles, but Negan's thumb rubbing his hand is distracting him. 

Negan huffs a laugh. "I'm not sure that would even work. I can't really smell _flavor_ , just _sweet_. The more you eat, the stronger the sugary smell." 

"Right…" Rick's expression softens when Negan brings his wrist to his mouth to kiss. 

"And, perhaps… I can taste it?" Negan shrugs. "Oh, that reminds me," he says suddenly, letting go of Rick's hand. Shifting his satchel around, he opens it and pulls out the bottle of wine Rick was drinking from the previous night. Rick snorts, smiling, and Negan holds it out to him. "Well _I'm_ not gonna drink it," he says with a chuckle.

"Thank you," Rick says honestly, taking it. But seeing the wine again brings back memories of the previous night, and how it hadn't ended as well as he'd hoped. He swallows and puts it on the table next to the little wooden horse. "So I thought I'd write to Lori tomorrow…" he starts, putting his hands in his pockets. "Or send a telegram… She'll want to come back if I'm gone." He laughs shortly and Negan smiles. 

He's glad Rick's still willing to travel with him, but he also knows how much his kids mean to him, and he only just got back to them. 

"Rick, we don't have to leave right away. You can stay with your kids awhile. I know how you missed them," he offers, stepping up to him. 

"Yeah? Okay…"

Negan slips his first two fingers through Rick's suspenders on either side of his hips and Rick smiles as Negan sways back and forth gently, pulling Rick closer to him. "It'll give me time to _court_ you. Maybe, get to know your kids?" He chuckles and Rick laughs softly.

Oh boy, _courting_. Yeah… Though it makes sense, it does sound a little ridiculous. He's not going to tell Negan not to, though. He wonders what ideas Negan has about courting anyway. 

"Yeah, that would be fine," he says, about Negan meeting the kids. It makes him nervous to think about, but it also settles something inside him; the idea of it. He imagines Negan talking to Carl and holding little Judy. It's sweet. 

Negan beams, moving his hands behind Rick's neck, resting his forearms on his shoulders as he continues to sway like he's dancing to some unheard music. Rick sighs into it, moving his own hands to Negan's hips and savoring the feeling as they sway.

"You'll have to invite me over while they're still awake, you know?" Negan says. "Meeting so late like this could start to sound kinda…" He leans down and presses his forehead to Rick's. " _Risque_."

"Yeah, I know…" Rick chuckles. "Well… how 'bout tomorrow sometime… the earliest you can get here maybe? We'll have dinner before sunset…" 

"I'll be here," Negan says with a nod, feeling his undead heart squeeze at the notion that Rick trusts him enough and wants him to meet his kids. "Thank you, Rick."

"Yeah, of course," Rick says, rubbing Negan's sides a little and looking into his warm hazel eyes. Negan hums and leans in to kiss Rick, and Rick kisses back with closed eyes, smoothing Negan's skin with his thumbs through his shirt. One of Negan's hands goes to the back of Rick's head, lazily carding through his wonderfully clean, soft hair. Rick grins, laughing softly. 

"Well, we got one thing done last night, at least," he says with another chuckle, looking into Negan's eyes, and Negan huffs a laugh, still feeling Rick's hair. He bites his bottom lip. 

"I'm sorry I didn't push to finish our little romp," he says quietly, and Rick rubs him comfortingly. "You just seemed off, and I got stressed." He sighs, looking down. "I mess it up every time, and I don't know why."

"No, it's alright…" Rick says, with a small sigh. "Was probably better that we stopped anyway." He swallows and looks down, then up. "It's not your fault…" He laughs softly. "It's me. I get… weird… with stuff like that. Nervous. It'll get easier." He gives Negan a little smile, his eyebrows knitting, and Negan searches his eyes before nodding. 

"Maybe it's both of us," he says with a soft snort. He brings his hand down from Rick's hair to his cheek and traces under his eye. "Let me know what I can do to make it easier, okay?" 

Rick watches him, listening to his words, and Negan kisses him softly for just a second. 

"I care about you, Rick. I want you to be happy."

Rick looks into his eyes, moved by what he's saying. He smiles gently. "Thank you, Negan." He presses his lips together, and looks down. "That's… thank you. I'm not sure… maybe I'll think about that and let you know?" He looks up again, and moves his hands back a little more on Negan's waist under his suspenders, rubbing him gently. 

"Please do," Negan encourages, making a soft noise at Rick's touch. He leans into Rick's hands and rumbles in his chest, coming forward to kiss Rick again. Rick kisses him back deeply, his fingers digging into Negan's back as he closes the space between them. Negan's hands move again to Rick's hair, his fingers scratching lightly at the back of his head, and he tilts his own head, fitting their lips together as they kiss.

Rick pants between kisses with the effort to keep quiet, shivering at the nails on his scalp, and goes a little weaker at the touch. Negan hums softly into the kiss before he trails his mouth down along Rick's jaw to his neck, drawing small noises from the human. Rick wants to whine so badly but he knows sound carries in the little house, and he doesn't want to wake the kids. 

When he reaches Rick's shirt collar, Negan nips softly, not breaking the skin, just sucks gently; his intent to leave a little red mark. Rick holds onto Negan and puts a hand in his hair, gripping gently and biting his lip. 

" _Negan…_ " he whispers, nails digging into Negan's back and scalp. It's a token protest, as he wants nothing more than for him to continue. Negan smirks. 

" _Shh_ ," he shushes against Rick's skin as he reaches to pull Rick's collar over and give him better access to the skin right at the junction of his neck and shoulder. Rick whimpers softly, loving even the mild instruction. And then Negan's kissing and licking the warm skin before _biting_ and sucking on it, a little harder than before. Rick whines, as quietly as he can, and shudders, struggling not to let go of Negan and let himself drop to the floor. 

"We s-should go to the bedroom," Rick stutters, tugging Negan in the direction of the door on the left, and Negan lifts up and kisses Rick's temple. 

"Lead the way," he urges, releasing him and taking one of his hands, ready to be led. Rick laughs softly, walking backward slowly and looking into Negan's warm eyes as he draws him to his bedroom door, opening it with the hand behind him. The checked curtains are open and a cool breeze blows in through the two windows facing the street. There's another heating stove that's going in the corner beside Rick's dresser, and a simple, sturdy, wrought-iron bed takes up most of the rest of the small room. Moonlight pours into the otherwise dark space, lighting it up enough so that Rick can still see easily when he closes the door behind them and tugs Negan to the bed. 

Negan scans the room, loving the smell of _Rick_ in it. It's small, but it's nice. He lets Rick pull him to the bed before he wraps his arms around him to kiss him softly. Rick hums into the kiss and sits down on the bed, pulling Negan down with him by his suspenders as he lies back.

"Where would you have me, Rick?" Negan asks huskily, smiling at him softly but with a hint of allure. 

Rick hums, a small smirk on his lips at the position. "How about like this?" he asks, and then brings Negan down further for another kiss. Negan smiles into it, squeezing Rick's hips lightly between his knees. 

"This is good," he breathes in between kisses. He rests his hands on Rick's chest, kneading softly, and Rick laughs. 

"What are you _doing?"_ he asks, lips pulled into a half-grin. 

"I'm kneading you," Negan says, matter-of-factly. "Like a cat." He tries to keep a straight face, but it doesn't last long before he snorts and laughs as well, dropping his forehead to Rick's. Rick grins and giggles. "…You're soft and warm," Negan says, quietly. "I like it." He runs a hand up from Rick's chest to his neck, tracing the red mark he left there as Rick's eyebrows draw together. He lifts his chin up to give Negan better access and sniffs, flushing slightly and turning his head away as if to hide it. It feels so nice, he thinks with a shiver. 

Continuing to run his fingers softly over Rick's skin, Negan leans in and places sweet, soft kisses up and down his neck, going slowly, slowly… just soaking Rick up. His smell, his feel, his presence. He loves it and feels so honored that Rick allows him to have it. 

Rick chuckles softly and grins as Negan kisses him, then moans and shivers, slowly going limp on the bed, breath shuddery. He loves being kissed like this, with Negan, so large and powerful, on top of him. It feels amazing. 

For a moment more, Negan showers what skin he can reach in kisses, before he pops open the first button on Rick's shirt and places a kiss on the skin that it exposes. Rick whimpers quietly and subtly moves his hands to Negan's back, scratching there - Negan hisses lightly - and jerking his hips up as Negan kisses him and moves his shirt out of the way. Negan answers Rick's hips with a roll of his own - Rick whines at the pressure on his crotch and feels himself harden. _Oh Christ…_ \- and glances up at Rick as he pops open the next one, slipping his hand under the fabric to push it back and reveal more places for him to kiss, and Rick whines and clenches his teeth, wishing he had something more substantial to bite on as he pants softly. 

As Rick slowly unravels and tries to keep quiet, Negan grins. He doesn't know if he should help keep the noise down or try and make Rick _scream_ in pleasure. Maybe he'll do a little of both. He wants to keep it slow, though. Doesn't want to spook Rick… again. 

He undoes another button, pushing the shirt back and revealing a nipple in the process, and Rick shivers when the fabric brushes the sensitive nub. Negan hums and hovers his mouth over it, breathing cool air down. Breathing heavily, Rick isn't looking at Negan, but he can feel the cool breath on his skin. Negan lets his tongue drop from his mouth and licks a wide stripe right over the raised nub.

Rick _yelps_ and Negan's at the ready, throwing his hand over his mouth before too much of it escapes - That'd been exactly what he'd thought Rick'd do - and Rick squeaks, his hands going to the bedspread. He swallows back a moan. Negan grins up at him, eyes gleaming, shaking slightly in silent laughter, and Rick relaxes, watching him with worried eyes. For some reason the skin contact is calming. He wants more of it… 

"Shh, Rick. You've got sleeping babes in the other room," Negan chides, though he knows Carl's been awake since about the moment he got there. The boy's pulse spikes at any noise Rick makes. 

_Sleeping babes_ , Jesus, Rick thinks. But he does have them. His kids who he loves and cares about deeply… And he was _trying_ to stay silent, but they can both see how well that plan went. 

"Wouldn't want to _wake_ them." As Negan speaks, he grinds his hips down, rubbing back against Rick's growing erection. Rick's eyes widen and his fingernails dig into the covers helplessly. He bucks but manages to let out just hot air from his nose, and then Negan pulls back. Rick looks up at him dazedly, enjoying the sensations but not driven to push to get them back. Not _yet_ anyway. 

Negan smiles at him and moves back up to hover his face over Rick's. He kisses Rick's nose, and Rick makes a small noise, closing his eyes for a second. 

"I love your sounds. I do," Negan says softly, and Rick looks back up at him. "They are very good. _You_ are very good." 

Rick's eyebrows draw, sleepy and content to have Negan's hand on him like this. 

"But if it's alright with you, I'll leave my hand here. Okay?" 

Rick nods - it's very okay - and Negan lights up as Rick gives him the approval. He then trails his other hand over Rick's chest, palm skimming over his wet nipple. Rick jerks and squeaks, his hands flying up to Negan's sides automatically and pushing on him, wiggling a little. He laughs softly. He loves the sensation of Negan's hands teasing him, but it also _tickles_. He doesn't want Negan to stop, but he has the strongest urge to fight him - to push him away and _off_ … but only to see how willing Negan is to fight back - how _much_ he wants to touch him. 

Negan laughs at the squeak. God, Rick's cute. He wets his lips, pushing gently back against the hands on his sides. Rick grunts softly but yields for the moment.

Moving down, Negan trails kisses down Rick's neck again to his chest. He pulls open the other side of Rick's shirt and peppers soft kisses all over the skin he finds there. As Negan kisses him, Rick whines quietly, writhing underneath him. Negan's free hand undoes more buttons until there are no more and he can press his cool palm against Rick's warm stomach. Rick feels Negan undoing his shirt and fights to keep still. He whimpers at Negan's chilly, broad hand on him, and his chest rises and falls underneath the vampire's skin. 

Carefully, he reaches one hand to take Negan's wrist: the one holding his mouth. He doesn't tug or pull; just holds it. Negan flashes his eyes up to look at Rick. He pauses for a second, seeing if Rick wants him off, but when he doesn't wrench his hand away, he nods and relaxes. 

He sits up, right on top of Rick's hips, and unclips his suspenders from the front of his pants, placing them up by his head on the bed. He untucks Rick's shirt and splays it open, licking his lip again. " _Bello_ ," he says, running a hand from Rick's chest to his stomach while grinding down gently, continuously, against Rick's erection.

...

Carl listens as his father and Negan talk low, and laugh… and then he starts hearing heavier breathing, and quiet, high-pitched noises coming undeniably from his father. Carl nearly gasps. 

He can remember his mom and dad doing _things_ together, before his mom left. He even thinks he heard them having sex a few times. And he knew that his dad was involved with other men after she left. But he'd never brought them home like this before. And from what Carl can remember of Negan… the man is _huge_. 

It's… scary… to think that he looks up to his dad as the man of the house… and here he is _whining_ like… a girl or something. And some other man is _making him do that_.

Carl bites his lip. He's not angry. He's just… he doesn't know. A little upset. Annoyed. Definitely annoyed since they're doing all of this _right in the next room_ where he can _hear them_. 

They move to the bedroom and close the door, and Carl is almost thankful. At least now he can sneak out if he wants to… but what about Judy? He can't leave her alone. Carl looks up at the ceiling and wishes he had some cork to stuff into his ears. He puts his fingers in them instead. 

It's when he hears his dad cry out sharply and is then suddenly cut off when Carl groans and grabs his pillow, pushing it over his head and holding it there. Can he please fall asleep again? _Please…_

...

Rick squeaks when Negan sits on top of him. _Oh, that feels nice…_ He wonders what Negan's doing after that, but then he can sense he's taking off his suspenders. Okay… Rick huffs softly and turns away sharply from the grip on his mouth when Negan untucks his shirt. He releases Negan's wrist in the process and closes his eyes. 

And then he makes a small noise at Negan's deep voice, and his hand on his bare stomach— and then he _whines_ at the friction against his cock. He tries to buck up, but Negan's far too secure and heavy to give him more than a finger's width to move, and he keens softly, his hands going now to Negan's thighs and gripping them. Negan continues to run himself back and forth over Rick, pressing down heavily and shivering at the delicious friction. 

His body's starting to pump blood into his own cock, but it's possible Rick might finish before he fully gets it up. He doesn't mind that fact. He's more focused on Rick's pleasure than his own. 

Rick whines and shifts as Negan's cock rolls over him through the thick fabric of their pants. He whimpers into a quiet sob—and then Negan's taking his wrists - Rick chirps in surprise - and leaning forward, holding them down above his head, hovering over him. Rick laughs softly, but it dissolves into a helpless keen. Negan keeps his hips moving as he smiles down at him. 

" _Shh…_ "

Clenching his teeth, Rick squeezes his eyes closed as one rough push of Negan's hips hits him _right. there._ He tugs at Negan's hands gripping his and bucks up in return, struggling again to stay quiet. It feels so _good_ and it's all he can do to bite his lip and whimper as the sensations flood and threaten to overwhelm him. Negan groans softly himself, nuzzling his nose back behind Rick's ear as he continues to rut against him. 

Amid the mounting pleasure, Rick giggles helplessly. That _tickles_. He keens low, squirming again as he pants. 

"You feel so good, Rick," Negan whispers into his ear, grinning slightly. "So good." 

"Do I?" he manages, and Negan kisses him gently where his jaw meets his ear. He whimpers softly and stifles a cry, jerking in Negan's grasp and arching his back. God, he wishes he wasn't wearing pants right now, he thinks with dizzy amusement. 

Negan rumbles in his chest and nods against him. "Yes…" he says huskily, nibbling on Rick's ear. Rick whimpers, his eyebrows drawing together, and Negan laughs softly and leans back up to look at him. He lets go of one his wrists to cup Rick's cheek and make sure he's looking up at him. Rick looks at him dazedly, enjoying the feel of his hand on his face. _Mmmm_. The rhythm is too good. Rick knows he's getting close. His eyelids flicker. Negan smiles and leans down to captures Rick's lips in his just as he grinds down hard.

Rick cries out into Negan's mouth, kissing him back and moaning. He just needs a little bit more… 

Swallowing Rick's cries and moans, Negan returns with one of his own as he speeds his thrusts up. He can tell Rick's close. Arousal's oozing off of him, and Negan can feel himself getting a high off of it. Rick whimpers as Negan speeds up. _Yesss…_

Sliding his hand down from Rick's face to his neck, he feels the pulse beating there. He continues down over Rick's chest, the hot skin warming Negan's cool hand.

 _Oh hell…_ Rick shudders. It's the perfect juxtaposition between sensations; the coolness is a glorious balm on his overheated skin. He moans into the kiss and pulls at the wrist Negan still has in his grasp. Negan breaks the kiss to whisper against Rick's lips, "Rick, caro mio. Won't you come for me?" 

Oh _fuck_ —

With that, Negan flicks his thumb over one of Rick's nipples and kisses him again to muffle any sound. Rick _wails_ as he comes, but the vibrations go into Negan when they kiss. _Oh, God_ … Rick grunts and thrusts mindlessly, jerking and spending his warm wet seed into his underwear. 

He moans into Negan's mouth and kisses back tiredly with a whimper as the satisfaction and heat permeate his entire body. It feels _divine_ … and he wants to bathe in the feeling for a _year_. 

Negan kisses Rick through his orgasm, eating up every noise he makes. The wave of heat that rolls through him feels like the sun on Negan's skin, though it doesn't sting. _Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic!_

Rick whines low and kisses back deeply, going limp on the bed as the warmth dissipates. He loves kissing Negan. He wants to do it all the time… He smiles dazedly up at Negan and sighs. Yes, that would be quite… perfect. 

Slowing his hips down before halting them and closing his eyes, Negan brings both hands to cup Rick's jaw as he returns the slow, deep kisses. He feels giddy. Finally, he got Rick off with no hiccups! It makes him feel great, and Rick's body language says he does, too. He laughs softly and strokes Rick's cheek as Rick smiles up at him. "Hi," he whispers, smiling back.

"Hi," Rick says in return, leaning into Negan's hand. It's nice. He hums and nuzzles into it, and then squirms. "Can you please… get off me so we can… get up on the bed?" he asks sleepily with a small laugh, motioning to the bed. Negan looks down at their position and laughs too, stepping down onto the floor on slightly shaky legs. 

"Sorry," he says, taking Rick's hand and helping him sit up so he can scoot back. Rick takes Negan's hand and gets up for a brief second before he crawls back onto the bed, pulling Negan down with him. He hums and curls up, still enjoying the last dregs of euphoria and warmth. Negan wraps his arms around Rick and cuddles him thoroughly, kissing his head. Rick huffs a laugh and shuffles close so his head is tucked under Negan's chin. 

Negan hums contently. "How was that?" he asks.

"Mmmm, it was great. Thank you." He nuzzles into Negan a little and then realizes he wants some skin contact. He reaches up and unbuttons Negan's wine red shirt a little way down and then noses in again, breathing in his cool, musky scent. Negan hums, and Rick kisses and licks his skin, making Negan shiver. Rick sighs, going still and closing his eyes, and Negan nuzzles into Rick's hair and rubs his back. Rick whines low at the touches. 

"My pleasure, caro," he says into Rick's soft locks. He holds him for a long moment, soaking up his warmth, his breath, his heartbeat. He looks towards the window, at the moon outside. He wonders if he should leave soon. Would Rick let him sleep over? Keep him hidden in his room all day?

Rick sighs and breathes slowly. He could very well fall asleep like this, but he also wants to change… 

Instead, he lies there for a good half-hour more, getting a bit more of his energy back even if he barely did anything. He chuckles. He has it in his mind to return the favor… but maybe that'd be too much for him at first. He swallows. He wonders if… he wonders if Negan would be okay with something…

He takes a breath and shifts in Negan's arms. He looks up at him with a soft smile, the backs of his hands brushing Negan's chest lazily. Negan looks down at him. He was convinced Rick was going to fall asleep, but he hasn't, and Negan hadn't felt the need to move either. Now, he's looking up at him like there's something on his mind.

Negan smiles back and leans in to peck Rick's lips. "You okay?" he asks, and Rick smiles. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." He looks down, then back up, and gives Negan a kiss. He pushes up. "I'm gonna… get out of these pants now…" he says with a small laugh. He pushes himself up into a sitting position and yawns, stretching. Negan laughs and rolls over onto his back, watching him. 

"Yeah, sorry about that. I thought it'd make it easier if I didn't actually touch you," he admits with a shrug, reaching out to touch Rick's arm. Rick chuckles, but it's a little embarrassed. He rubs the back of his neck. "Yeah… it did. Not to say that I'm not up for that…" he half-smiles, and puts his hand on Negan's. He rubs his cool skin with his thumb. Negan turns his hand and takes Rick's in his, squeezing it gently. 

"In time," he says, lips turning up. He lets go and pats Rick's arm. "Now, go on. Change your pants and come back to me."

Rick's smile is small, and it doesn't reach his eyes. "Yeah…" Then he sighs, and his smile is genuine and relieved. _Come back to me_. 

He chuckles low and reaches to caress Negan's cheek. He leans in for one more kiss before scooting off the bed. He pulls his shirt off first before he finds a pair of drawers in his dresser and then shucks the rest of his clothes; he kind of hopes Negan's watching, he thinks as his face goes a little redder. 

Oh, Negan's watching.

He stops himself from making any noise out loud, but he lets his eyes roam appreciatively over Rick's nude form as he relaxes into the bed further. The pillows smell like Rick, and Negan wonders if he could convince Rick to let him take one back to his house.

Rick pulls on the loose white pants and puts his dirty clothes in the basket - but, before he closes his drawers, he pauses. Between his shirts, he sees, is his belt. He thought that maybe… maybe if he didn't see it immediately, he would just scrap the whole plan entirely. It's stupid. He shouldn't want it. It's perverse, and Negan _himself_ tied him up when he first held him captive a week ago. 

The thing is… Rick kind of liked it. He would never admit it, but aside from the fear and the horror, there was something about it that… undeniably, turned him on. He's ashamed to even think it to himself, and maybe it's a bad idea to bring any kind of idea like that up to the man who _did it to him unwillingly_ , no matter how reasonable he became with time… but, well, Negan became something more than just reasonable. He became someone Rick could trust. So, it'll be fine. Whatever Negan says. 

Rick swallows, takes the belt hesitantly, and closes the drawer. He goes back to the bed with it in his hands, and kneels next to Negan with it beside him on the bed. 

"Ah…" he starts, "I want to help you, too, but would you be alright with… with putting this around my hands?" Rick looks down and flushes, huffing a nervous laugh. "You don't—don't have to… if you don't want to, I just wanted to ask and see…" 

Negan looks at Rick for a moment, processing what he's saying, before he sits up slowly so they're eye level. His eyebrows are knit and he searches Rick's face, confusion over his own. He looks down at the belt and then back up at Rick. He's not _opposed_ to the idea of strapping Rick's hands together, but he's confused as to why Rick wants it. There's a thrill at the thought that Rick trusts him enough to allow him to do it though.

"You _want_ to be tied up? That… that's what you're asking me to do?" he asks, trying to clarify the situation. He reaches out and takes the belt, looking at it and rubbing the smooth leather with his thumb. 

"Uh-huh," Rick says, eyelids low as he watches Negan take the belt. He wets his lips. 

"And… how do you want to help me?" Negan looks back up at Rick, eyeing him, and Rick looks up at him, his cheeks tingling with embarrassment. 

"I um, believe it's called a blowjob," he says, with a small smirk. 

Negan's eyes widen a hair and a shiver runs down his spine. Oh. That does sound pleasant. He licks his bottom lip again and unfolds the belt, pulling it taut by both ends, making it snap quietly. Rick jolts slightly - but he likes the sound. His eyes go to Negan's as a smirk curls over Negan's face.

"Alright, Rick," he says and nods. "How do you want to do this?"

"Well…" Rick says, slinking off the bed. "I figured I could kneel here," he motions with his hand as he talks, "and you could sit there, and that would work…" He swallows. 

Mmm. Rick on his knees sounds delightful. He likes this plan already. He turns, sitting on the edge of the bed, feet planted on the ground. He gestures for Rick to come closer, and Rick steps up so he's nearly between Negan's knees. "Alright, you want your hands tied now, or you gonna help me with my pants first?" he asks, cocking his head to the side and smiling. 

"Uhhh…" Rick says, biting his lip. "Well… what do _you_ want?" he asks, looking down to Negan's crotch. He wonders if he could undo buttoned pants with just his teeth. He wouldn't be _opposed_ to doing so…

Negan hums and snaps the belt again. Watching Rick try to bite into his pants would be pretty fun to watch. "Front or back?" he asks, holding the belt up.

"Back," Rick says, turning around and crossing his wrists. He rolls his shoulders and takes even breaths. Negan takes one of Rick's hands, rubbing his thumb into his palm softly before pulling it back and kissing his wrist softly. 

"Alright," he says quietly, before he wraps the belt around the kissed wrist, slipping the tail through the buckle and tightening the loop. He makes sure it's tight enough, but not too tight, tugging on it slightly to make sure.

Taking Rick's other wrist, he kisses that one too before wrapping the belt around it and slipping the tail back through the buckle, creating a figure-eight style. 

Rick hums appreciatively, closing his eyes as Negan works. He shivers at each kiss, and a subtle buzzy feeling slowly comes over him as Negan wraps the leather around his wrists. 

After repeating the process with the remaining length of belt, Negan pulls on the end of it, making sure it's secure. He trails a finger down Rick's palm softly. "All done."

Rick groans low and pulls at the restraints. He jerks his hands this way and that, but the belt is tucked snugly and nothing gives. "Thank you," he says as he turns around, swallowing and looking down at Negan - waiting for the next direction. He doesn't want to do anything too soon, and would rather Negan just tell him what to do and when. Negan smiles up at him, reaching and cupping his face. 

"Kiss me, Rick," he says even as he's pulling Rick down and pressing their lips together himself. Rick's eyes widen, and he whimpers when Negan pulls him down and kisses him. He's forced to bend over with his hands behind his back because of the belt, and, even though he _just came_ , he feels his cock twitch in interest. _Oh, hell_. 

Negan moves his hands to Rick's neck and holds him there while they kiss, and Rick makes pleased little sounds as he ardently kisses back, his eyebrows knit and his toes curling and uncurling on the bare wood floor. Negan kisses him deep and hard, nibbling his lips with his sharp teeth and licking them after, before finally pulling away. Rick whines and Negan pants though he doesn't need to, grinning at him. Rick's lips are red and kiss-bruised and just beautiful. He lets his hands drop from Rick's neck and run down his chest - Rick watching him hungrily - before he leans back on the bed and places his hands behind his back to keep himself up. Rick shivers and makes a small, sad noise. He wants Negan's hands on him again. Negan regards him with a playful smirk. 

"I think I like you like this," he says, imagining just how else he could tie Rick up.

A thrill runs down Rick's spine at the words. _Does he?_ Rick wets his lips.

Negan spreads his legs. He's gone soft since their previous romp, though everything happening thus far has definitely piqued his interest. "Mmm, it takes me a little bit longer than you to get hard, Rick," he says, tossing his head back and rolling his shoulders, baring his throat. "What are you gonna do about that?"

Rick snorts, but there's a whine at the back of his throat when Negan lets his head fall back. He wants to climb on top of him and kiss that pale neck… 

"Mmm," he hums, unsure. Okay… 

He takes a breath and carefully kneels on top of Negan, sitting right on his crotch. He doesn't move his hips like Negan had done. Not yet… instead, he leans in and carefully places a kiss on the side of Negan's jaw. He kisses and nips and licks, giving him the affection he's asking for. Negan rumbles in pleasure.

"Mmm, yes. Good," he murmurs, tilting his head a little to the side to give Rick more room to work. This is perfect. Exactly what he wanted. 

Rick nips at Negan's jaw, and then digs his teeth in. He kisses the spot and sucks hard. He knows it won't make a bruise, but he can try anyway. Negan bites his lip as Rick tries to mark him in vain. Part of him wishes he could bruise. He'd love to be covered in bites. Be claimed by Rick. 

He reaches out and buries one hand in Rick's hair, making Rick stutter, before he wraps the other around him, slipping it under his arm so he can smooth his palm against his back. Rick shivers. _Oh, fuck_. He whines low and presses his forehead against Negan's temple. He kisses there and nuzzles into Negan's hair, breathing in his heavy, masculine scent. He hums and then bites Negan's ear and _tugs_. 

Negan's smiling into the soft kiss and nuzzle when suddenly— _"Ah!"_ he gasps, and instinctively tightens his grip on Rick's hair to pull his head away. Rick yelps—and suddenly feels like he might fall backward— But Negan's got him, so Rick snorts a laugh and chuckles low, grinning back at Negan, who's looking at him with an incredulous grin. 

Who knew Rick had it in him? 

"I like biting you," Rick whispers, and his eyelids low. "I like tugging you around…" He wets his lips and swallows, wondering what Negan'll think of _that_. 

"Oh?" Negan chuckles. He hadn't minded the ear bite; it had just surprised him. He tugs on Rick's hair, making Rick grunt and grimace. _Fucking…_ "And which one of us actually has hands to _tug_ right now, hm?" Tilting his head, Negan smiles. He brings Rick's face down to his and kisses him. His grip loosens, letting Rick know he's free to move wherever. Rick grins, laughing low, and accepts the kiss. He kisses back deeply, hungrily, and moans low. 

"Mmmm…" He exhales when they break and leans his forehead on Negan's. "Well I don't seem to need hands… do I?" he asks with a small chuckle, and kisses Negan again, this time biting his bottom lip and tugging him just a little to prove his point. He grins. Negan half-groans, half-growls into the kiss when Rick pulls on him again. He leans into it, letting Rick pull him up slightly, before he lets the hand on Rick's back slide down and grab his bound hands. He tugs backward, pulling Rick's upper half away from him - Rick squeaks as Negan pulls him backward and he has the sensation of falling again - and placing his other hand on Rick's chest to steady him. Rick shivers, and Negan grins at him.

"I dunno, Rick. Do you?" he says, positioning his hand over Rick's heart to feel the beat. Negan's hand is cool and broad and Rick breathes heavily, his heart beating fast, as Negan feels it. Rick hums. He can feel it thrum against Negan's skin, and he lets a wry, tired smile fall over his lips. 

"Well," he says, "not _always_ …" he says with a small chuckle. He wants other things of Negan's on his heart, too… 

Negan chuckles and leans forward to place a kiss on top of his own hand, on top of Rick's heart. He leans back and cocks his head, smiling. He's still got a hold on Rick's hands, holding him back as he slides his hand down Rick's chest. He then unclips his own suspenders, throwing them over his shoulders. Rick's eyebrows knit and he pouts slightly, but then watches Negan in confusion as he undoes a few buttons from his shirt and splays it open lazily, slipping his own hand in under the fabric and running it over himself. Negan bites his lip as he looks up at Rick, groaning. Rick's gaze flicks from Negan's hand to his face, and he whines. He's getting aroused from this, that's for sure, but that doesn't tell him what Negan wants from him. 

Negan chuckles as he gazes up at Rick, still running his hand over his own flesh. "Rick, we'll be here… all night… if your goal is to get me up… but you don't have your hands," he says in between pants. He moves his hand from his shirt down his torso to his crotch, grabbing himself with a groan. His eyes are half-lidded, trained on Rick. "You gonna get creative, or you wanna watch me?" he asks, already pressing his palm into himself, trying to get his body to react. Rick snorts, but his eyes follow Negan's hands as he continues touching himself. 

"I don't know… do you have a preference?" he asks, eyelids low. Negan huffs a laugh and leans in to kiss Rick's chest. He tilts his head up to bump under Rick's chin with his nose. 

"I kinda like you watchin' me, caro," he purrs. Rick grins and chuckles, then whimpers as Negan kisses along his neck for a moment. _He likes him watching… well that's good…_

Negan then moves back just enough to let Rick see his hand disappear down the front of his own pants. Rick whines and bites his lip and Negan growls, looking up at him reverently. "Do you like watchin'?" he asks quietly, and Rick's eyes snap to his. 

"Yeah…" he says, low and rough, and swallows thickly, nodding, "I like watchin'…" He's getting hard again not just from the show but also from the movement near his pelvis, and he exhales shakily. 

"Good," Negan growls. "Then _watch_." 

Rick snorts, but his lips are pulled up on one side. Negan lets go of Rick's hands to splay his hand out on his back, fingers tensing slightly with every stroke he gives himself. Rick shudders, jolting and shivering. He looks down, his breath coming fast as he braces his legs on the bed to help keep himself from falling off.

Negan can smell the arousal on Rick again, and he moans, knowing it'll send the signals to his cock to wake up. Rick bites his lip. His cock's started to leak and the dampness is impossible to miss through the thin white fabric. Negan smiles at Rick's noises. He's forgotten that they were supposed to be being quiet, but he heard Carl's heart slow to sleeping pace a while ago. He can't focus to try and listen for it again right now, mind on other things. Like… making Rick make more noises.

"Look at you, Rick," he says when he looks down and sees the mess Rick's making in his clean pair of pants. "All hard and weeping… and I've barely _touched_ you." He tisks and leans up to nibble at Rick's neck. Rick whines low and turns his head away for Negan. He bites his lip, the kisses and licks just making him harder. "You're gonna come again aren't you, Rick? You're gonna come and I'm only half hard." Negan kisses and licks to Rick's jaw. 

"Umm…" Rick tries, and has to swallow hard. He arches his back and wiggles.

"Do I need to tie up your cock, too?" Negan purrs into Rick's ear.

"Ahh… n-no…" Rick says, his eyes wide as he squirms.

"Mmm, _bellissimo_ ," Negan huffs. "You do look so good like this, Rick." He kisses back down Rick's neck to his shoulder and Rick's shoulders go up as he giggles. "…Bound and dripping." Rick's teeth clench. _Yeah, that's definitely what he is…_ Rick's glad at least that Negan likes it…

Negan hums and stops stroking himself in order to untuck his shirt and pop the button on his pants. He pushes the fabric down and continues to stroke himself to full hardness. Rick looks down at Negan's crotch and wets his lips, and then he's looking up into his eyes. Negan gazes up at Rick, his irises dark from the transfer of blood to the bottom half of his body. It's almost frightening, but Rick knows Negan's eyes just get like that sometimes, and it's no reason to be alarmed. He stares anyway, transfixed. His gaze stutters down, though, as he's helpless to deny his interest in the performance Negan's putting on. His mouth waters, and his breath comes deep and hot. 

Negan runs his thumb over the tip of his cock, moaning lowly. Precome is gathering there, though it's yet to run like Rick's. He removes his hand a moment after Rick looks back down, letting his erection stand at full length. Rick makes a small noise at the sight of Negan's full cock, and it looks a little daunting. It's also paler than he's used to, even with the extra blood - his blood. What a strange thought. Again it strikes him that Negan's fed off him and all of his energy, essentially, comes from him.

Negan grins up at him. "Like what you see?" he asks, voice deep and rumbly.

"Ummm…" Rick says, eyes fixed on the pink, dripping head. It's certainly… _big_ , that's for sure. Negan giggles at Rick's speechlessness, but he reaches up and cups his cheek. 

"Do you still want to…?" He trails off but traces his thumb over Rick's soft lips and looks into his eyes tenderly. Rick's grateful for Negan's care, but sometimes he just wants the man to _take him_. He looks into Negan's eyes. 

"I want to make you happy," he says, which is _true_. He wants to make Negan pleased with him - but he also wants Negan's hands in his hair, gripping it tight, and he wants Negan to shudder with need when he laves at his cock in his mouth, and he wants to choke with the thick, full length of it as Negan comes. "—And I want you, to fuck my mouth," he says, looking into Negan's eyes coolly. He has a feeling that if he thinks about this too hard he might want to back out, and they've gotten this far already. 

Negan's eyes widen a hair at Rick's words. He thinks that's the first time he's ever heard Rick curse. It sends a shudder up his spine and a sharp-toothed grin curls over his face. Oh. He can do _that_.

He slips his hand behind Rick's head and grabs his hair - making him _yelp_ \- and brings his face down to connect their mouths in a bruising, teeth-clacking kiss. Rick shudders, thinking, _God, there's only so much time left, so he better make it count_ , and he gasps when he pulls away, feeling dizzy and buzzed. He grins dazedly.

Negan moves his mouth to Rick's ear and bites on it like Rick did to him earlier. 

_"Ah!"_ Oh, _hell_ , that feels good.

" _Get on your knees, Rick_ ," Negan growls, and _those_ are the magic words Rick wanted to hear. He swallows a whine and nods. He has a smart remark on the tip of his tongue about _already_ being on his knees… but he figures now isn't the time. His lips curl up into a small grin anyway. 

"Gladly," he says, "but are you gonna pull me there?" he asks with a small chuckle, motioning with his shoulder to his ear that Negan has between his teeth. Honestly, he'd actually like that, he thinks with amusement. 

Negan licks a wide stripe up Rick's ear before he bites it again and tugs. "Maybe," he quips back, and Rick chuckles, before he places his palm against Rick's bare stomach and pushes him slowly back about half an inch. Rick makes a tiny noise of surprise, and, even though Negan's also got a hand on his back, he clenches his thighs again to get a firmer hold on Negan's legs.

"Or," Negan says, "maybe I'll just _push_ you." He chuckles and looks up at Rick, whose mouth is twisted as he gives Negan an unimpressed look, though his lips are still curled up a little in amusement. 

"I don't think me falling flat on my back and possibly breaking something would be very conducive to you getting your dick sucked," Rick says, lips twitching as Negan smirks and raises an eyebrow. 

"Oh, I'd figure something out," he says, moving his hands to Rick's hips. 

Rick raises his eyebrows. "You _would?_ … wow…" he says, feigning amazement, and Negan grins. 

"Come on, then. On your knees, Rick. _Now_." 

Rick _shivers_ , but nods and scoots off, dropping to his knees between Negan's spread legs. As soon as he's on the floor, Negan's got a hand in his hair. He pulls it back, forcing Rick to look up at him, and Rick _keens_ , gritting his teeth slightly, but looking up at Negan with lustful eyes. Negan eyes him carefully. 

"You really like that, huh?" he asks. Rick nods. 

"Mm-hmm," he says, swallowing, and Negan scrapes his nails into his scalp as he holds his head back. Rick whimpers and his dick twitches, his face flushed.

"Consider it noted," Negan says, and Rick swallows. _Please note it…_

He drops Rick's head, gripping his shoulders and pulling him forward to get him closer. Rick squeaks and Negan's cock twitches in excitement as it practically hits him in the nose. Rick's eyes fix on it. 

_Oh, boy_. 

Negan traces Rick's lips with his fingers and Rick makes a small noise. 

"Open up, Rick."

Rick looks up at him with suddenly dubious eyes, but he takes a breath and steadies himself. He opens his mouth, waiting to see for a second if Negan'll slip his dick in himself or pull his head forward instead of Rick having to go for it. He looks up at Negan to see his expression as he waits, and takes on just a hint of mischievous innocence, batting his eyelashes a few times. Negan snorts, smirking with teeth and raising an eyebrow. He traces along Rick's bottom lip with his first two fingers before he slides them into his mouth, smoothing the pads over his tongue. Rick's eyebrows knit and he makes a low noise in the back of his throat. He loves having Negan's fingers in his mouth. On his tongue. He whines softly. 

Using his fingers to hold open Rick's jaw, Negan hums and licks his lips. 

The pressure on his jaw is nice, and Rick flushes as Negan's cock gets closer. Negan places the tip of it against Rick's bottom lip, and Rick swallows nervously. He can't help but touch the tip of it with his tongue, making Negan shiver. The taste is a bit salty. It's slick and a little warm; probably from all the friction. Rick thinks belatedly that he should have asked if Negan can come. Oh well. Too late now. 

Rick waits. He can suck cock fine, thanks, but he thinks it's a little like swimming; he has to be pushed into the cold water before he can warm up to it. Also with Negan's fingers in his mouth it's a little difficult to move forward, even though he wants them to just stay there.

When Rick doesn't move, Negan removes his fingers and buries them in Rick's hair. " _Suck_ ," he orders, the 'k' a sharp pop in the back of his throat, and pulls Rick's head forward to slip his cock into his warm, wet mouth. Rick chokes and coughs as Negan shoves his dick right into the back of his throat. Tears come to his eyes, and he shakes his head but doesn't pull away. 

Negan's startled by the tears at first, not actually meaning to hurt Rick. He debates pulling back, but he can sense that Rick's probably fine. He stops when he can feel the back of Rick's throat against his tip, and he loosens his grip but doesn't remove his hand from Rick's hair. "Show me how good you are at this, hm? _Move_."

Negan's words are tough but wonderful, and Rick likes it more than he probably should to be talked to like that. He doesn't know where the desire comes from exactly to be ordered around; all he knows is that he wants _more_. 

He grunts, and begins to suck and bob his head, swirling his tongue around the thick member. His eyelids lower and his breath comes in warm puffs. It's not… _hot_ like some other men's dicks are. And it doesn't pulse in time with a heartbeat, but the veins are thick with blood and it twitches just like a human one would… Rick shivers as tears run down his face. _Ohhh, yes, this is nice._

Negan groans and leans forward slightly, watching his dick disappear and reappear from Rick's mouth. He shudders. _Lord_ it feels good."Good. Good job, Rick," he says, voice deep and lust-filled. 

Without stopping in his pace, Rick blinks, eyelids low, as Negan praises him. Well, it's good to know Negan likes his technique anyway. He sniffs and coughs but manages to get snatches of air as he moves and sucks, careful to keep his teeth out of the way as he does so. 

He also looks up through tear-stained eyes at Negan's face every so often, though it makes him flush ever the harder to do it. 

Negan's quick to reach with his free hand to thumb a tear off of Rick's cheek, a little roughly. Rick flinches slightly, and he's curious what his intention is—Negan looks at it on his finger and then down at Rick, waiting till he makes eye contact before he licks it off. Mmm. It's salty. Not a taste he prefers, but one he hasn't had in a while. 

Rick huffs around Negan's cock, kind of turned on. But that just reminds him of his own cock trapped in his pants. Every time he moves the sensitive length of it rubs against the fabric and makes him that much more aroused. It _almost_ hurts, but it also feels so, so good.

Negan hums, and then orders, " _Faster_."

Rick growls, the vibrations of it shooting through the vampire's dick, and Rick glares up at him for a second, but huffs and does as he says, speeding up his pace. His knees are starting to hurt a little being ground into the wood, and he's sweating now too. He wonders how long it'll take for Negan to come - or, orgasm anyway. He has a feeling Negan won't _come_ , but he still has a mouthful of precome in his mouth and there's more still on Negan's cock… Rick hums. 

As Rick speeds up, Negan tightens his hand in his hair. Rick grunts. _Fuck_.

"D-Don't you glare at me," Negan says, though his tone is the opposite of his words as he tosses his head back and groans. The warm wetness mixed with the friction is so good. He hasn't had anything like this in so long. 

Rick chuckles into the motions as Negan berates him. Negan bites on his lip and looks back down. "You asked for this, _Rick_. You wanted me to _fuck. your. mouth_." His grip tightens, stopping Rick's head, and Negan bucks his hips to emphasize each word, starting up his own pace, while he holds Rick's head. He hits the back of Rick's throat almost every time, determined to get his full length in at least once.

Rick _almost_ feels offended. Yeah, he wants this, and he's enjoying it, but he's not going to just sit here and take it. He doesn't _want_ Negan's wrath. Or does he? 

_Yeah, he does_ , he thinks with a snort as Negan really does start fucking his mouth. _Holy hell_. Rick's eyes widen, and he nearly chokes as Negan's cock hits the back of his throat _again and again and again._ His eyes are watering continuously, and he's struggling for breath - he hopes Negan comes soon - but he's getting a thrill out of this. He feels so helpless and used, but also, in some fucked up way, loved. He wants to make Negan happy, and he hopes by doing this, he is. 

Curses and praises in English and Italian spill from Negan's lips as he thrusts into Rick's mouth. It feels so good. His eyes have gone half-lidded, his pupils blown, eyes pitch black. He looks down at Rick, trying to make sure he's not hurting him. Not a lot anyway.

He moves his hands to hold the sides of Rick's face, feeling his own cock through Rick's cheeks. He strokes his thumbs over Rick's cheekbones and wipes away a few excess tears as he continues. 

"R-Rick… _prossimo_ … I'm close… I…" He stops his movements, pulled almost all the way out, and studies Rick. Rick's fuzzy and gasping when he stops, shuddering as Negan takes his face. Oh, that feels good, but what is…? Licking his bottom lip, Negan presses his thumbs against Rick's cheeks softly. "Take a deep breath and swallow, Rick. I want to see if you can take all of me. Just once. That's all I need."

Oh. 

Rick takes the moment of respite to breath some more before he nods. "Uh-huh," he says, looking into Negan's eyes, with Negan's cock still half-in his mouth. He huffs a small laugh. That's fine. He can do that. He _wants_ Negan to do it. He wants to feel Negan's dick _all the way_ down his throat. He nods again, this time a little to himself, and gets ready to take that breath. Negan grins, a little wicked-looking with his dark eyes, but he leans forward and kisses Rick's forehead softly. 

He presses their foreheads together as he starts to thrust shallowly. "Breathe. Breathe." Rick whines quietly and breathes as he instructs.

Then Negan sits back up and starts thrusting again at a slow pace, savoring the feeling of Rick's mouth for a moment as Rick settles into the rhythm again, knowing he's about to be impaled. Jesus, what the hell does that even mean and does he really want to do this? Negan's cock is _huge_. But, he can't really back out now.

Negan nods to Rick, tilting his head back to give him a smooth angle down Rick's throat. He flashes a gleaming smile at Rick and says, " _Swallow_." 

It takes Rick half a second to take a deep breath, and then all however-many-inches of Negan's massive cock are being _rammed_ down his throat. Rick gags violently and he feels like he might throw up, but his own dick has never been harder. Negan pushes himself all the way in, only stopping when he's fully seated in Rick's mouth. He shudders from the pleasure, Rick's throat constricting against Negan's cock as it tries automatically to expel it, pulling and jerking at the intrusion deep within. 

Negan groans and rumbles deep in his chest as he curls his body around Rick's head, digging his fingers into his hair in ecstasy. He shakes and shudders as Rick gags on him, the press of his throat bringing Negan over the edge. His hips stutter and his cock throbs as he growls out Rick's name, pressing his forehead to the crown of Rick's and orgasming hard. 

Rick can feel it when Negan orgasms. The pulsing and throbbing and saying his name. Aside from not being able to breathe, it feels kind of amazing. Rick knows Negan isn't spilling seed, but the twitching and vibrations and his thick, slimy precome are plenty making up for it.

" _Swallow it,"_ Negan growls again as he comes, though nothing but a mess of precome is sliding down Rick's throat. His sperm has long since died off, and his new body has no need to make more.

 _Dammit_. Rick hates the idea of swallowing it all, the thought makes his stomach ache just thinking about it - but if Negan says to, he will. He swallows as best as he can, but his cheeks are wet with tears as he chokes and starts to feel the burning need for oxygen. He has the strong urge to struggle in the belt holding his wrists and pull against Negan's hands in his hair, but he waits just a bit longer. Just a few seconds more… 

Negan can feel Rick starting to choke around him and he backs up as he finishes dry coming into his mouth, moaning every time a ripple of pleasure shoots through him. He breathes and holds Rick's face, sliding almost all the way out of his mouth. Rick gasps and swallows automatically, choking a little on the slimy, warm precome as Negan pulls back. Negan leaves his cock weighing thick and heavy on Rick's tongue as ripples of orgasm continue to shake through him, and Rick shivers and shakes as Negan's cock twitches.

"Mmm, Rick," Negan moans, wiping away Rick's tears with his thumbs. " _Bravo, bravo, bellissimo. Stupefacente. Fantastico. Caro mio. Sei così bravo. Ti amo._ " He leans forward to emphasize each word with a kiss to Rick's head, his own mind so fuzzy and pleasure-blown he doesn't even realize he's not speaking English. Rick whimpers low. It feels and sounds so, so good. His throat hurts, though, and he wants to rest, preferably with Negan's arms around him. 

With a soft grunt, Negan pulls himself all the way out, wiping off the excess spit from Rick's mouth with his sleeve. He tucks his softening member back into his pants quickly before leaning forward and kissing Rick's cheek. Rick makes a small noise and swallows again, trying to get the taste of Negan out of his mouth, as much as he likes it… 

"Rick," Negan says softly, and gives one last command. "Come for me, Rick." He looks down at Rick's cock, so hard and throbbing in his thin pants. Negan's kind of amazed just how turned on all of this made Rick. He's glad he got to be the one to get him there. 

In surprise, Rick looks into Negan's eyes. He kind of thought that'd be it, and he doesn't mind not coming. Being aroused is pleasant enough for him, if a little annoying. And he's already come _once_ tonight. But Negan's words are permission if anything, so Rick closes his eyes and lets the sensations of the past half hour overwhelm him, leaning into Negan's hand as he comes with a soft cry, moaning as warmth floods his body - and his over-sensitive cock brushes against his pants. 

Negan smiles. Oh, that's a sight he won't ever get tired of seeing.

Rick sighs, pleased. Jesus, though, he doesn't want to explain any of this to Olivia when she does the laundry. He chuckles at the thought. Because, yeah, he's going to need to change again. Or maybe he'll just take these off and stick with that. He shivers and pants softly, leaning into Negan's hand for support. He feels utterly sensitive and exhausted. "Mmm, thank you," he whispers, his voice a little rough. Negan kisses his cheek again and leans back, replacing his mouth with his other hand, cradling Rick's face. 

" _Prego_ ," he says. "My pleasure is bringing you pleasure, Rick." He smiles and tilts his head before leaning forward again, pressing Rick's head into the space between his shoulder and neck. Rick hums and looks sleepily into Negan's eyes as he holds him, and lets his chin rest on Negan's shoulder for a second as Negan reaches around behind him to undo the belt, letting it drop to the floor as he gets it off. _Ahh, yes, that's nice_. Rick grunts and stretches his arms out before bringing them around to his chest. He rubs the sore, red marks on his wrists, looking down at them to inspect the damage, and then shifts on his knees, needing to get up but also knowing they'll hurt as soon as he moves. Negan places his hands on Rick's upper arms and rubs softly. 

"Can you stand, caro?" he asks softly, looking for a way to help Rick up without just yanking him. Rick groans but nods and reaches to grab Negan's arm and then his shoulder, pulling himself up and wobbling a little on his feet. Negan supports Rick, holding his elbow and his side.

" _Ahh_ ," Rick winces as feeling comes back into his legs, but then chuckles softly, looking into Negan's eyes. "Well that was fun," he says with a tired little smirk. Negan snorts and laughs, making sure to keep it quiet. 

"Yes, I agree," he says. He glances to Rick's wet pants that are right in front of him. "You gonna change again?" he asks with a smirk of his own as he looks up at Rick, his eyes already turning a warm brown again. Rick flushes a little and nods, looking away and then back. 

"Yes, yes, I am," he says with a small laugh, and smiles crookedly. "Mmm," he hums, and leans in to kiss Negan's lips, holding his sides. Negan kisses him back softly, holding his face. He thinks he can taste himself on Rick, and he shivers. He leans back and pats Rick's cheek. 

"Go change, luv, then lay with me," he says, pecking Rick's lips before scooting back on the bed and flopping down, reaching out to Rick with a smile. Rick smiles back automatically. 

"Alright," he says softly, watching Negan get back onto the bed. He shakes his head and goes to find another pair of PJ pants, getting a drink of water from the pitcher on the table by his dresser in the process. Once changed, he gets under the covers with a shiver. He has a feeling he'll sleep well tonight. "Take your shirt and pants off and get under here," he says softly, his lips twitching up, and Negan giggles. 

"Oh, I see. Now you give the orders. Alright," he teases playfully as he sits up and pulls his shirt off, tossing it to the floor. Rick chuckles softly. His pants follow next, and then he's under the covers wrapping his arm around Rick and hugging him close. Rick laughs delightedly as Negan wraps his arms around him. He hums and sighs deeply, curled up into Negan's chest. _Oh, yes, this is nice._

" _Rick_ ," Negan whines softly, nuzzling into his hair. "Can I spend the night? Hide out and sleep in here all day?" He really doesn't want to leave. He's tired and sated and has an armful of Rick. 

Rick makes an unhappy noise. "Negan…" he says, groaning, and feeling badly about it. "How would that look… hm?" he asks. "Carl waking up in the morning and you being asleep in the bed?" He flushes at the thought of it. He knows, guiltily, that Carl is bound to have heard _some of that_ , and come to his own conclusions, and Rick can't exactly lie to him about what kind of a relationship they have… 

Negan whines again, curling closer. He wants to _stay_. 

"It's _indecent_ … and what do I even tell them?" Rick asks. "That you've been working a lot so that's why you're tired? You have a condition?" Rick snorts, chuckling softly. Well, that _does_ seem like a good enough excuse. 

"What's indecent is me shoving my dick down your throat," Negan growls, smirking. _Don't hear you complaining about that._

Rick snorts. 

Negan brings his hand up and traces Rick's throat gently. "I didn't hurt you when I did that, did I?" he asks, and Rick hums, shivering. 

"No," he says with a small chuckle, even though his throat is still a little sore, "you didn't hurt me." He smiles and nuzzles into Negan. "I liked it," he assures him, kissing Negan's bare chest and humming. Negan threads his fingers into Rick's hair, softly massaging his head. 

"Good, good," he says, sighing and tangling their legs together. He holds Rick for a moment more, breathing him in, before whispering, "Shall I leave after you fall asleep then?" He really doesn't want to, and Rick's suggestion did seem logical, but if he wanted to avoid a scandal, Negan would cooperate. 

Whining low, Rick cuddles closer. "No… don't do that… Stay at least until before the sun comes up and then wake me..?"

Negan nods against Rick's head. "Alright, caro," he whispers. It'd still be a few hours before sunrise yet. He'll at least get to hold Rick for that long. "Get some sleep now."

Rick sighs, relaxing… but it's not perfect. "But I want you to come again," he says, "tomorrow night. Right when the sun goes down. As soon as you can. I'll… explain everything to them and then you can meet them?" he asks hopefully, and Negan smiles, hugging him closer. 

"Yes, I'll be here. Don't worry." He peppers kisses over Rick's head, and Rick hums. 

"Good…" he says, sighing. "Oh, and try not to let yourself be seen?" he asks sheepishly with a small laugh, glancing up at him. Negan barks a soft laugh and grins down at him. 

"Don't want any gossip to spread? Don't want the townsfolk to know that we're sleeping together?" Rick sputters. "That I'm _touching you_ ," he slides his hand down Rick's back and lightly caresses his soft ass, making Rick jerk with a scoff, "out of _wedlock_?" 

Rick grabs Negan's wrist in return and yanks it back up to put it on his back, and Negan whines, itching to move it right back. But he bumps their noses together. Rick grins sharply, almost wildly. 

"Well it's part of that, yes," he says, moving his hand up to stroke under Negan's chin, tilting it up a little and petting his beard there. Negan purrs, his eyes fluttering at the feeling. Rick looks into Negan's eyes. "I just want to explain it first… _try_ for some kind of decent courting period…" 

Negan snorts at that courting word again. They're so far past that personally, but the town has no idea. 

"You coming 'round in the evening's gonna help." Rick sniffs. "And I'm not even technically _divorced_ yet, either," he groans miserably, leaning his forehead onto Negan's chin and whining softly. 

Negan's eyes widen slightly. "Rick… are you telling me you're still married?" he asks, voice quiet. He swallows thickly.

A wave of guilt rolls through Rick at Negan's tone, and he swallows. Shit. Had he not mentioned that before?

"Yeah…" he says. "But I don't know if you know this… having moved all over and being as old as you are…" Rick says gently, "but getting a _divorce_ … it's not easy. It's practically impossible." He looks into Negan's eyes desperately. "We _would have_ , but then just figured it wasn't worth the trouble. Lori moved to get away from the scrutiny of people, Negan. And she loves Carl and Judith… and yeah we had our problems, but my heart still aches knowing that she left _them_ so that they could stay here with me and keep their friends and stay in school and have a _stable life_." Rick swallows and sighs, looking down. 

Negan squeezes Rick closer and relaxes slightly. "Okay… I just… don't want you to be seen as unfaithful because of me. If I'd known you were still married, I… I wouldn't have…" Flashes of old memories shoot through Negan's mind, and he closes his eyes and wills them away. 

"Yeah, it's… it's all just kinda messy," Rick says, "it's not your fault or anything… and I wouldn't've… returned your _affections_ …" he snorts quietly, smiling, "if I hadn't wanted to… because I knew that even though I'm technically married… it doesn't mean anything." Rick sighs. "Not now anyway."

"Yeah… is it the funds?" Negan asks. "I can pay for it for y'all if you'd like. I can… _convince_ the judge as well to approve of it."

Rick looks into Negan's eyes. "Well, I mean, that would be… really helpful, Negan. I'd feel kinda… well… thank you." He smiles tightly, but genuinely. Negan smiles back at Rick and kisses his lips gently. 

"Whatever you'd like, Rick. I can offer it to Lori as well and see what her answer is."

"Thank you. Whatever it takes. I'm sure Lori would be happy about it. And it'd be nice not to be… living in sin… or as _much_ sin, anyway… anymore…" His lips twitch up slightly in amusement. 

Negan holds off on any comments about living in sin. He knows by now there's no god, not the one Rick believes in anyway. Negan's _seen_ sin, and Rick is not living in it. Negan leans in and kisses Rick again, closing his eyes, and presses his fingers against his lower back. 

Rick returns the kiss gently, but he sees something somber in Negan's eyes and it gives him pause. He hopes he didn't say something wrong. He wants to ask if everything's alright, but lets it drop, kissing back deeply. He shifts into Negan so they're flush when he presses against his back. He chuckles softly into the kiss. Negan smiles, feeling the vibrations of Rick's chuckle on his lips. 

"What's so funny, hm?" he whispers, barely pulling back from the kiss, and Rick grins and leans back a little, relaxing on the pillow. 

"Oh, I dunno…" he says. He likes being held like this. He likes being kissed. He likes feeling safe. He doesn't know what kind of a long-term future Negan and he have together, if any, but for now… it's nice. It's very nice. Rick puts his hand on Negan's cheek and caresses him gently, his fingers stroking his beard a little. Negan nuzzles into Rick's hand. He loves it when Rick touches him. "I just like you being here," he says, looking into his warm brown eyes.

"I like being here with you," Negan says back. "Why don't you go to sleep now, though, hm? You have to be exhausted. I won't leave you till before daybreak." He turns his head and kisses Rick's palm. Rick hums and then laughs softly. 

"Yeah… I am really tired." He snorts. "I should sleep. I think… when you come over tomorrow night… or… _today_ ," he says, with a small laugh, "you can stay over… in the morning. For the day." He smiles sleepily. "I'd like that." He yawns, blinking, as his heavy eyelids dip lower. Negan grins at him. He kisses his lips softly before tucking him under his chin. 

"Thank you, Rick. Now, sleep," he says, starting to hum a soft lullaby. Rick hums and cuddles closer, and then slowly relaxes more and more as Negan hums to him. 

Negan waits a little while after Rick is asleep to stop humming. He buries his nose in his hair and breathes in deep, just absorbing as much as the man in his arms as he can. His hand travels down to rest over the curve of Rick's ass, as he smirks all the while.

...

It's just before dawn, perhaps a little too close to dawn, when Negan wakes Rick. He knows he's cutting it close, but it's so hard to pull himself away. He's already managed to slip out from next to Rick and get dressed, so now he's sitting behind him and softly shaking his shoulder. "Rick? Rick? Caro?"

Waking with a start, Rick turns to look at Negan sitting next to him in the cold pre-dawn light. He groans and has a mind to fall right back to sleep again, but Negan's leaving and he asked him to wake him up. "Hey…" he mutters sleepily, turning over to face him and taking his hand, kissing Negan's knuckles. "You off?" he asks. He doesn't want Negan to go either, but just… one more day, then they won't anymore. 

"Yeah," Negan says, smiling at how cute Rick is when he's sleepy. He leans down and kisses his temple and then his lips, touching his cheek. "I'll be here this evening. Go back to sleep, luv."

Rick hums into the kiss and reluctantly lets Negan go. "Okay… I'll see you then." He gives Negan a small smile and settles into the pillow. He knows this is best, even if it hurts. It's just for the day. Negan smiles and tucks some of Rick's hair behind his ear, and Rick returns the smile as Negan stands, slipping out of the house silently. 

He watches him go, sighing unhappily and falling back to sleep a little while after he's gone. 

...

Negan makes it home just as the sun crawling over the horizon is getting a _little_ too hot on his neck. He gets inside and closes the door quickly. Lucille looks up from her spot on the bed and barks.

"Yeah, I know!" he calls, making his way to his room. He sheds his clothes he'd only just put back on and crawls under the blankets. Lucille whines and lays next to him, sniffing him.

She boofs. " _You smell of Rick_."

Negan grins and nods, even as his eyes close. "Yeah, I'm seeing him again tonight. I won't be home for the day either. He said I could sleep over." He cracks one eye open. "You wanna come, too, or you wanna have the place to yourself for a few?"

Lucille tilts her head back and forth and makes a series of noises. " _I like Rick, but no sleep with you two together_." 

Laughing so hard he shakes the bed, Negan throws his arm around Lucille and nuzzles into her.

"Alright, you stay here then. I'll be back in a few," he says, closing his eyes and humming. Lucille licks his face, making him snort, and then settles down, both falling asleep in minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
>  _prossimo_ \- close  
>  _Bravo, bravo, bellissimo. Stupefacente. Fantastico. Caro mio. Sei così bravo. Ti amo._ \- Bravo, good, beautiful. Amazing. Fantastic. My dear. You're so good. I love you.
> 
> (As I finished this chapter "Dream a Little Dream of Me" came on the radio…
> 
>  
> 
> _Stars fading, but I linger on, dear_  
>  _Still craving your kiss_  
>  _I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear_  
>  _Just saying this…_
> 
>  
> 
>  _Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you_  
>  _Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you_  
>  _But in your dreams whatever they be_  
>  _Dream a little dream of me…_ )


	17. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan comes back for the night and meets Rick’s kids.

**Tuesday, April 26th, 1881**

Rick wakes to the smell of fried bacon, the chatter from the street outside the window, and gruff talking in the hardware store below. He groans, stretches, and pushes out of bed to see out the windows. He looks down into the street, watching the townsfolk walk by and hearing the banging and yelling of businesses. A smile rises to his face. He missed this. 

When he's dressed, he notices that there's nobody in the house. He checks his pocket watch and sees that it's nearly eleven. _Damn_ , he slept a while. He groans and rubs his face. Carl's at school, and Olivia's probably taken Judith with her wherever she goes during the day. 

He opens the back door to let in a breeze and sees there's still some of Olivia's breakfast on a pan on the stove. He hums and shakes the eggs - sunny-side-up - bacon, and toast, onto a plate and digs in at the table. It tastes and smells delicious, and he really is starving. It's a wonder he didn't wake up when she was making it in the morning, but then again he was also exhausted. 

After breakfast, though it's nearly lunchtime, Rick notes with a snort, he finds some paper and a pen and sits down to write a letter to Lori. Or, he tries to anyway. He starts it and ends up scratching out parts and re-writing them, then balling up letter after letter. He's just thrown another piece of paper into the wastebasket when Carl walks in.

Rick looks up, exasperated, and Carl's standing in the doorway looking at him with wide eyes, and is he… a little red? Rick's about to greet him when he remembers that Carl probably heard what happened during the night, and, despite his best attempt at composure, he goes a little red as well. 

"Hey Carl," he forces himself to say, smiling and shuffling the papers together, putting a blank one on top so Carl can't easily read what he's writing. 

"Hey… Dad," Carl says, swallowing. He's very red now, and Rick sighs. 

"You back for lunch?" he asks.

"Y-yeah…" Carl says. There's some bread, cheese, and ham on the table and Carl's eyes flit to that. 

Rick looks between him and it and motions him over. "Well, come on in. Have somethin' to eat."

Carl chuckles nervously and comes in, taking a knife and plate from the cupboard by the stove and coming back to the table. Rick twirls the pen in his hand and watches Carl look over at the papers, and the crumpled up ones beside his hand. 

"How's school going?" he asks.

Carl looks up, halfway through cutting some bread. 

"Good…" Carl says after a moment, like he doesn't know why Rick's asking, and it's the same as always. The thought that maybe this is the first time in a while that Rick's even _asked_ him how school's going makes Rick feel like… well, a terrible father. 

"Well, good," he says. "I want you to do well in school."

Carl looks at him like he's lost his mind. "Yeah, I… I know that…" he says, but his tone doesn't really convey that he does. 

"I do," Rick says, shifting slightly. "I want you to get an education. I know you like working at the blacksmith, but getting an education is still important."

Carl looks down. "Yeah, I know."

Rick doesn't really think he does, but also that he doesn't want to talk about it. "Your mom wants you to get an education, too."

Carl snorts. "Yeah," he says, a little angrily, cutting through the bread and hitting the porcelain with a _clack_.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rick asks, putting the pen down and crossing his arms, leveling Carl with a _look_.

His face twisted, Carl snuffs. "I don't know. Nothing. Mom's not even here." He looks down, and Rick can see the pain on his face. He swallows.

"No," he says. "She's not." Rick looks down at the letters he's drafting and sighs. He leans back in the chair and wipes his face. He studies Carl, who's watching him glumly. He obviously wants to say more, but doesn't. Rick sighs again and sits up, putting his elbows on the table. "Negan's coming over again tonight. In the evening. I want you guys to meet him."

Carl suddenly looks horrified. "Uh…" 

"Hey, hey, it's alright," Rick says, putting his hands up. "I just want you to meet him. He's nice."

Carl looks at the table and his eyes go wide for a second, his eyebrows going up, like he's thinking about just how _nice_ Negan sounded last night. Rick goes a little pinker and clears his throat. "I know… you don't really know him…" 

Carl's eyes widen again for a second and his lips press together.

"Okay, okay," Rick says, hands up again. "Look. Carl…" Rick grimaces. He knew he had to deal with this at some point but here, having to explain to his son that he and Negan are in a relationship… is a lot harder to actually _do_. "Carl, when I was in Crimson Creek… Negan was there, and we realized that we were… suited to each other. So he's going to be coming around more. He's a friend." 

Carl's looking at the table uncomfortably. Rick sighs. 

"He might even be more than a friend," he admits. Carl meets his eyes, eyebrows drawn. He swallows and shifts. 

"Okay…" he says, nervously.

"Just…" Rick starts, "be nice to him, alright?"

Carl sniffs and looks down. "…Yeah, sure." 

There's a beat, wherein Rick watches Carl carefully. But he believes him. "Okay. Good. Thank you." He exhales and rubs his face again. Carl continues making his sandwich, eyebrows still drawn. 

Well, Rick's glad _that_ went well. 

He and Carl talk a bit about Judith and other things until Carl has to go back to school. When he's gone, Rick sighs and looks at the papers still on the table. _Dammit_. He groans and runs his hands through his hair. He doesn't know if he's going to be able to write this letter. Not now anyway. And why is he trying to? He just got back from being effectively kidnapped, and, what? Now he wants to go on a holiday with the same man who kidnapped him, leaving his children behind? Even if he does reunite them with their mother. 

Well, he supposes it is better for the kids. They should have their mother, and she wants to raise them. Rick's never really known how to parent kids. He loves Carl, but what he does most is teaching him lessons, telling him to do his homework, and playing games with him. He doesn't really know how to deal with the nitty gritty of it. He isn't sure if he could ever really learn, either. Maybe. But he thinks it's probably better to just ask Lori if she wants to come back, then trying to figure it out himself. 

She wants to come back. They want her to come back. It's a win-win.

And in regards to… traveling the world with Negan… yeah, Rick wants to do it. He is a little annoyed with having to give up his job to do it, but he never really wanted to be a sheriff anyway. He'd only done it because there was a vacancy on account of the other one had got bit by that snake… but being in charge wasn't really his forte. 

Rick sighs. When he was in the sheriff's office the other day he'd basically said that he was taking some time off. He'd seen a few things and needed to recuperate. He hadn't told anyone else that, or explained it very much. Carol had been suspicious, but he'd been insistent. 

So now all that was left to do was to write to Lori… or maybe he could send her a telegram. That would certainly get to her faster, and would be less difficult to write than a letter. Or maybe it would be _more_ difficult. Rick growls and gets up. He runs a hand through his hair again and collects the papers up. He puts the half-finished drafts in the bottom drawer of his dresser, and takes the rest out of the bin, throwing them into the stove to burn. He definitely wouldn't want someone to find and read them. 

He shuts the stove door harder than he should have, and goes to see where Olivia took Judith. 

The evening comes quickly after that and Rick, Carl, Judith, and Olivia have supper in the house. He's told Olivia that Negan's coming, but she'll be gone by then anyway, having put Judith to bed and gone home. He hasn't told Carl any more on what he plans to do, but he thinks he'll do that just as soon as he can manage to pull himself together to write to Lori. 

He thinks this'll be good. He thought at first that Negan could meet everyone, but on second thought that doesn't seem like the best way to go about things. His first impression on Carl is the most important, and Rick wants it to be a good one. He mostly just wants them to get along. 

...

Around sunset, Carl's doing homework at the dining room table and Rick's reading the newspaper on the other side with his feet up, catching up on the news he missed and all the while chewing on a piece of long grass between his teeth. Both fires are burning so the room's toasty warm. Rick doesn't know how this meeting's going to go exactly, but he hopes it'll be alright… it's not like Negan is a total stranger. True, he doesn't go to church so Carl really hasn't seen him around, but he is a part of the town and comes around sometimes. So Carl knows of him. 

Rick looks over at him diligently working on his math problems in his little notebook - a history book nearby up for study next - and sighs. Maybe Negan can help him with that, he thinks with a small chuckle as he turns the page. 

...

As the sun falls halfway below the horizon line, Lucille starts licking Negan's face until he sputters and pushes her away. "Okay! Okay!" He sits up and wipes his face off with his arm. "Gross…"

Lucille bounces on the bed before hopping off and trotting into the kitchen. She barks, wanting food. Negan rolls his eyes and shifts to the edge of his bed, rubbing an eye. It's still too light for him to leave, but it wouldn't be soon.

Negan quickly gets dressed in a pair of deep red pants and a white long-sleeved button-up shirt with a black vest over top. He slips his boots on and then goes out into the front room. He spots Lucille staring at the icebox with big eyes.

"What are you gonna do when I'm not here to feed you, hmm?" he asks her, grabbing some meat from the icebox and putting it in her bowl.

She chuffs back, " _Hunt_ ," and then digs into her meat.

"Why don't you hunt now?"

" _You feed me_."

Negan raises his eyebrows. She had him there. He looks around the kitchen. It's still rearranged with the bathtub in front of the fire. Negan hums and starts putting things away, busying himself while he waits till it's safe to go into town. 

...

Negan arrives in town just as the sun's last rays disappear. He's covered by his hat, slinking through the shadows of the buildings to get to Rick's. The streets aren't busy, but there are more people out than Negan has seen in a while. He hasn't had to venture out this early for a couple months.

He's doing well not being seen by others, as per Rick's request, but when he turns the corner to Rick's street, Maggie's walking straight towards him. He starts in surprise before smiling at her. 

"Oh, Negan!" she says with a brilliant smile. "You're out early." She shifts a large package in her hands.

"Yeah, just wanted to get a few things and happened to get done hunting early," he says, taking the package from her and helping carry it to the store.

"Oh, thank you. Such a gentleman." Maggie chuckles.

When they reach the store, Negan sets the package down on the porch and looks at her. "Alright, I'll see you later."

"Didn't you say you wanted to buy a few things?" she asks, eyebrows drawing together in confusion. 

" _I did_ ," Negan says, eyes flashing red for a second.

Maggie blinks at him for a moment before smiling and waving her hand dismissively. "Oh, yes, yes! Alright. Have a good night, Negan!"

"You too!"

...

Reaching Rick's place without anymore run-ins, Negan climbs silently up the stairs. He smooths his hair back, adjusts his satchel on his shoulder, and knocks rhythmically on the door.

Inside, Rick startles, not having heard anyone on the steps, and glances over to see Negan through the door's window. 

Negan smiles, mood instantly lifted at seeing Rick. It's amazing how much he finds he misses Rick when they're not together.

Looking back, Rick sees that Carl's staring at Negan somewhat dubiously. Rick chuckles and gets up, setting the newspaper on the table. He ruffles Carl's hair and goes to open the door, sighing in relief. "Hi," he says, giving Negan a small smile and leaning in a little; an invitation for a kiss on the cheek. Carl may have _heard_ them being indecent, but Rick'd be damned if he _saw_ them being anything less than proper when around him. At least for the time being. 

When Rick doesn't immediately kiss him, as he had the previous night, Negan's slightly confused. Then he looks behind Rick and sees Carl giving him a _look_. Ah.

He hooks a knuckle gently under Rick's chin and pulls him just a bit forward, placing a soft kiss to his bearded cheek. Rick's eyes widen and he gives Negan a small disapproving look. Really? But then he relaxes when Negan reaches down to take his hand, running his thumb over the back of it. Rick squeezes it back. 

"Good evening," Negan says, and Rick smiles, happy to hear his voice and see him and feel him again. God, he missed him. 

"Come on in," Rick says, moving back a little to let Negan in - inviting him in - and then, "Negan, this is my son, Carl." 

Negan smiles warmly at Carl and Rick glances over at him. Carl's looking at Negan with doubtful curiosity. "Carl…" Rick waves him over, and Carl makes a face - to Rick's chagrin - but gets up and comes over, "this is Negan." Rick puts a hand on Carl's back and rubs, looking at between the two hopefully.

"Hi," Carl says, lifting his chin a little and crossing his arms. Negan holds back a snort when Carl makes a face at him, his smile turning into a grin. Oh, this kid is gonna be fun. 

"Hello, Carl," he says after Carl speaks, holding out his hand. "Nice to meet ya."

Carl looks at Negan suspiciously, glancing from his hand to Rick. Negan softens his smile slightly at the hesitance, and Rick raises his eyebrows, as if saying _go on_. Carl huffs softly, but takes Negan's hand, shaking it. His eyebrows draw together when he feels the temperature of Negan's skin. 

He's cold. And it's not _that_ cold out, he thinks, confused. He looks into Negan's eyes that are a little entertained, but warm. 

Negan squeezes Carl's hand in his softly. 

"Nice to meet you too," Carl says, taking his hand back.

Rick sighs quietly in relief. 

Negan crouches down in front of Carl, giving the kid the height advantage so he isn't towering over him, and Rick watches this with a tiny bit of trepidation; protectiveness spiking. He trusts Negan, yeah, but Carl is still his _son_ and his well being and safety takes precedence over everything. Rick steps back and watches Carl's face.

Carl presses his lips together. He isn't a _kid_. 

"Hey," Negan says softly. "I don't know how much your father's explained about us, but I want you to know that I'd never hurt him, okay?" 

Carl blinks at him, surprised. 

"I know you love him, and he loves you so much, but I also like him a lot. So, if it's okay with you, I'd like to keep seeing him." He tilts his head a little and gives Carl a small smile. 

Carl glances up at Rick with confusion. Why is Negan asking _him?_

Rick smiles and nods encouragingly, the hint of amusement on his lips. He knows it's a little silly, but he does appreciate Negan's effort, and his candor. It's a good sign. 

"Um…" Carl says, looking back to Negan. "Yeah, that's fine." He looks down. It's not really like he can say anything else. But… it does make him feel a little better, what Negan said. Carl knows that Rick's an adult and can take care of himself. He's not worried for his father's safety. Well, maybe he is a little bit. He doesn't really want to think about his father… with _anyone_ , and he's still unsure about Negan… He certainly doesn't trust him yet. But this does put him a little more at ease. 

Negan grins at him, his eyes sparkling in glee. "Thank you, Carl. I'd like to get to know you, too. Don't be a stranger now," he says, winking, and Carl smiles nervously. 

"Okay…"

Negan stands and fishes around in his satchel. "Now, I brought these for your dad… but I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you had a few." He pulls the bag of candy he'd bought for Rick out of his bag and holds it towards Carl. "If you'd like any, anyway."

Carl's eyes go wide and Rick scoffs. 

"Negan…" Rick says disapprovingly, though his lips are quirked just slightly. He also goes a little pinker that Negan's brought that _here_. Jeez.

"Thank you…" Carl says in awe as he takes the bag. Negan giggles at Rick's tone, his smile widening. 

"You're welcome, _bambino_ ," Negan says. 

Carl's eyebrows draw together. "Bambino?"

Negan chuckles. "Don't eat too much at once, now." He reaches over to take Rick's hand again. "And share with your dad… and your sister?" he asks, casting a look around the room, as if he'd missed her when he came in, before he looks back at Rick. "Is she old enough to eat hard candy?"

Rick rubs the back of Negan's hand with his thumb. "Oh, yeah, I don't think so," he says with a little laugh. "She's only two, Negan." He raises his eyebrows. 

Carl's back at the table and has taken a peek inside the bag before he reaches in and takes a piece of candy. He holds it up in the firelight; it's a beautiful red and white peppermint. He unwraps it before popping it into his mouth, humming. 

"And she's sleeping right now," Rick says. He glances in the direction of the door beside his own that leads into her and Carl's room. 

It's at that moment, of course, that they hear a quiet babble coming from the room. Negan gasps softly, hearing her. If he focuses hard enough, he can hear her tiny heartbeat in the other room. He looks at Rick with wide, excited eyes and bounces on his heels. "Oh, Rick, can I meet her? Please?" he asks, grinning. 

Rick laughs nervously but nods. "Yeah, yeah, okay, just give me a second, alright?" he says, seeing the excitement in Negan's eyes. 

"Okay, okay." Negan removes himself from Rick so he can go to his daughter. He's so excited. He doesn't know why, but he's always _loved_ small children. Perhaps it's the promise of life they hold, or their big eyes full of so much wonder. Whatever it is, he can't wait to see Judith.

Rick laughs softly and gives Negan's arm a little pat before he goes to the door, opening it a crack before slipping into the room now lit only by moonlight. He leaves the door open halfway as he goes in. 

Negan giggles as Rick goes. He can't _wait_.

Carl watches Rick and Negan with a small smirk as he sucks on the candy and tries to discreetly look into the bag to see which one he'd like to have next. He wants to have _all_ of them. Why can't he, anyway? Candy is for _kids_ , not adults. His dad doesn't even _eat_ candy. 

The crinkle of the paper bag catches Negan's attention and he turns to look at Carl. He smirks knowingly. "Hey, don't eat too many of those at once, huh? You'll get a stomach ache, and I'll get in trouble." He laughs softly.

Carl looks up at Negan sharply. He drops his eyes and sits up a little, sucking on the candy again but still a little embarrassed. "I won't," he says, though his eyes flit to the bag again. _Yes, I will,_ he thinks, trying not to smirk. He crosses his arms and sits back in the chair, pushing it back a little and looking Negan up and down. 

Negan raises his eyebrow but hums and nods. He goes over and sits down in the chair next to him, crossing a foot over his knee. "Seriously, _bambino_ , I won't bring you anymore if I hear that you're in bed sick because of this bag." His voice isn't stern, just conversational.

Carl looks at Negan evenly, sucking on the candy and rocking back a little more on the back two chair legs. "You said that word before. It kinda sounds like you're calling me a baby." He smirks. 

...

In Judy's room, Rick sees that she's talking in baby-talk to her little rag doll. He chuckles. 

"Hey, honey," he says softly, and her eyes light up. 

"Daddy!" She giggles, reaching up for him. He laughs softly and goes to her, picking her up and setting her on his hip. "Did you sleep a little bit?" he asks her, bouncing her a little and bringing her to the window to look out onto the darkened main street. 

He listens in the background to Carl and Negan talk as he chats with Judy. He wants them to bond, so he doesn't interrupt. And he's having a nice conversation with her about Miss Molly's exploits with the lab Lola from next door that afternoon. "Uh-huh," he says, stroking Judith's hair as she talks. He sits on the windowsill and listens to her avidly, while also keeping an ear and an eye out to the conversation in the next room. 

...

Negan laughs, his shoulders bouncing. "No, no," he says, putting his hands up in surrender. "It means 'kid' or 'child', yes, but I mean it in endearment. Like, 'Hey, kid, don't lean too far back in your chair or you might fall'." He cocks his head to the side and smirks playfully, his foot bouncing on his knee. Carl snorts, grinning, and leans back extra far in the chair. He sucks on the candy and glances into the burning fireplace just behind him. He looks at Negan, still smirking. 

Negan huffs a soft laugh. "No, I know you are no _bebè_ ," he says. "You are _un giovanotto_ … but _bambino_ is much more fun to say." He clicks his tongue and winks at Carl again. 

Carl hums. "And what does _un giovanotto_ mean?" he asks in an exaggerated accent, looking at his lap and pushing the chair back with one foot on the chair across from him. Negan reaches out and wraps his hand around the closest chair leg that Carl's got up in the air. He doesn't pull or push on it, just grips it and holds it like a vice, preventing Carl from moving in any direction. He doesn't want to risk moving Carl unexpectedly and have him choke on the candy in his mouth. Carl's eyes go wide and his eyes snap to Negan's when he grabs the chair leg. His hands go automatically to the seat of the chair. 

"It means 'young man'," Negan says, "as in 'young man, if you fall backwards and break your neck, you definitely won't be eating any more candy'." He snorts and raises one eyebrow at him.

"Uhhhh… okay, okay…" Carl blinks, and it seems strange that Negan's able to hold the chair leg so easily. Yeah, he's only fifteen, but he doesn't weigh nothin'. And Negan barely looks like he's doing anything. Carl swallows. "C-can you put me down now please?" he asks, laughing nervously. 

...

In the next room, Rick hears the exchange shift in tone, but nothing seems to be the matter from where he is, so he keeps chatting with Judy. Now she's telling him about the momma duck and her little ducklings that came waddling out of the river behind the town. Judy was worried for them, but Olivia wouldn't let her make sure they were alright, as she was busy with her quilting and couldn't go with her. 

Rick nods seriously and says that he's sure the ducks were most definitely alright. Ducks are smart like that. Especially a momma duck with her little babies. She wouldn't take her little children anywhere she didn't think was safe. Because she cares for the ducklings more than anything. Just like Rick cares for Judy and Carl, he says, tapping Judith on the nose. She giggles and grabs his hand, and he laughs along with her. 

...

Nodding and smiling, Negan lowers the chair leg and reaches with his other hand to catch the back of the chair and ease Carl down until he's stable. "Four on the floor, _giovanotto_ ," he says, patting Carl's knee. Carl laughs quietly and sits up in the chair. Negan's worry for him eases, and he sits back in his own chair. He rests his elbow on the table and leans his cheek into his hand. "Do you know what language that is, by the way?"

"Um… Latin?" Carl asks with a weak chuckle. His hands hurt from gripping the chair. He's read a little of that in school. "Spanish?" He looks at Negan carefully, rolling his shoulder. 

Negan chuckles. "Ah, good guess," he says, nodding. "It's Italian. I grew up in Italy." He grins, his teeth gleaming in the firelight. 

"Huh…" That's far away, Carl thinks. And Negan doesn't seem Italian. He speaks normally… when he isn't speaking _Italian_ anyway…

"Do you know where that is?" Negan asks. He's generally curious, wanting to know what kids are learning in school these days.

"Yeah, I know where it is," Carl says, a little insulted. "It's in Europe. And why don't you have an accent then, if you grew up there?" he asks, leaning forward and tapping his finger on the table. Negan laughs. 

" _That's_ _correct_ ," he says, a thick Italian accent lacing his words, and Carl's eyebrows go up. "Good to know you're doing well in geography class." He drops his hand from his face, hanging his hand over the edge of the table. "Accents are fluid," he continues. "You can pick them up and put them down easily - or some people can, anyway. I've lived in America for quite a while now, and honestly, sometimes it's easier to just blend in, so most of the time I don't talk like _this_." He gestures to his mouth. "It's easier to just talk like _this_ ," he says, back in his Americanized drawl.

Carl laughs and grins. It's like he's a whole other _person_. "That's _nifty_ ," he says, and Negan grins. 

Carl thinks he's _nifty_. The approval fills him with something akin to pride, and he sits up a little straighter.

"I wish I could do that," Carl continues. "But I've only lived _here_." He looks down and his eyebrows draw. He sighs, like it's not a big deal. He does want to travel, though. One day. 

"Ah, you'll go places. You've got your whole life still," Negan assures with a soft smile. 

Carl looks at him and nods, believing him somehow. He _does_ have his whole life… "Where else have you been?" he asks, playing with the corner of a piece of his homework idly.

At the question, Negan perks up. He wonders how much he should tell him. How much is too unbelievable? "I moved to France from Italy, so I know a bit of _Français as well_ ," he says with a sharp French accent, making Carl laugh. "From there I traveled Europe a bit before coming over here. Lived in Illinois for a while, decided to move west." They aren't lies, per se, just edited truth.

"Wow. That's so strange. You're European…" Carl says, thumbing at his geography textbook. "I never would have guessed." He laughs a little. "…You said you traveled Europe… where did you go?" Carl puts his head on his wrist, leaning it against the table. He dreams of seeing far-off places. He can scarcely imagine them, aside from the boring illustrations in his school books. He loves paintings and books with colored photographs. Not too many of those around here, though. 

...

Eavesdropping, Rick listens with interest when he hears Carl ask Negan where he's been. Oh, he wants to hear the answer to this, he thinks with a small smirk. 

...

Negan shrugs. "I don't normally tell a lot of people because I don't want the attention," he says, running a hand through his hair. "So, don't go telling everyone, okay?" He smiles.

Carl nods slowly. "Okay…"

"As for where I've been… open up that textbook of yours to a map. Let me show you."

Carl grabs the book. He opens it, flips through it to a map of Europe, and sets it down between them, eyes flitting to Negan's face in the firelight. Negan leans over the book and studies the map for a minute. 

"Alright, let's see…" He places his finger on Italy. "I was born here in Naples," he says. The map doesn't have cities marked, but he points to the general area. "I went to France and stayed there for a while before traveling all around here." His finger skidded over Switzerland, Germany, and Austria-Hungary. 

Carl watches Negan's finger and listens to his words, trying to imagine what the places he points to were like. He's heard of most of them in history class, but mostly they were just taught wars and conflicts. 

"I went to Russia for about a month," _a couple years_ , "before heading back to France and into Spain for a short time. I went back to Italy for a year or so," _thirty years_ , "before visiting Greece, and then I came over to America." Negan lets a lot of his timeline fall off the wayside, but most of his words are true.

"Huh," Carl says, then he looks up and suddenly wonders how Negan could afford all that travel. It sounds like it would be expensive… but it also sounds like so much fun. "That's really neat. What was—"

...

As Rick hears the conversation quiet down, he thinks it's probably time to take Judith out before she gets tired again. "Come on, sweetie," he coos, before he carries her into the main room. 

Negan looks up and grins. Oh, she's adorable. Rick smiles at him but stays on the other side of the table and holds one finger up, telling him to just hold on one minute. 

Negan wants to leap up and hug her, but he stays in his chair and nods at Rick.

"Sorry to interrupt, Carl," Rick starts.

"It's fine," Carl says, and reaches over to rub Judith's back. 

Negan looks back to Carl. "I'll bring you some of my books," he says. "I have some with better maps and more information. If you'd like that?" he asks, and Carl grins. 

"Yeah that'd be great, thanks!" he says. He wants to see those so badly. He wants to see _all_ of Negan's books. 

Rick bounces Judith a little and pets her hair, smiling at the two. He's happy that they're getting along, but more than that he's excited that _Carl_ is excited to learn more about geography and history. Rick is too, but Carl's young. He should see the world, when he's old enough. And knowing world affairs is important. Carl's already reading the newspaper sometimes, so Rick knows he has an interest. 

"Judy," Rick says, and Judy's already looking at Negan shyly, "this is Negan. Can you say 'Hi, Negan'?" he asks, glancing to Negan, and she giggles a little. 

"Hi… Eee-gam," she says with a little smile, and Negan grins and waves at her. She looks to Rick, and he grins at her. 

"Good _girl_ ," he says, kissing her head and bouncing her a little, and motioning Negan over with his hand finally. 

Negan's on his feet in a second, moving around Carl and standing in front of Rick. He holds his hands to either side of Judith, hovering them next to her, a silent request to hold her. "Hey there, darlin'," he says, his eyes lighting up. "You are just the cutest thing in the world, aren't ya?" He laughs and opens his mouth in a goofy, over-exaggerated smile.

Judith giggles and grins at him, grabbing one of his fingers in one tiny, chubby hand and bringing it up to her face to examine. Rick chuckles, eyes going to Negan's. "Judy, can Negan hold you?" he asks her. 

"Uh…" Judy starts, and clings a little tighter to Rick. Rick laughs softly and shifts her in his arms, giving Negan an apologetic look. But Judy's still interested in Negan's hand and she manipulates his large fingers in her tiny grip, all the while giving him shy, curious glances. 

Smiling, Negan lets Judith play with his hand. He's just as interested in her interest as she is interested in him. "Hey, that's alright," he says softly. "You don't gotta let me hold ya if you don't want." He tilts his head at her and sticks his tongue out. She giggles at him. "It's nice to meet you, Judy." He brings his other hand up and softly pets the back of her arm with one finger.

Rick smiles as he watches Negan talk to her. She giggles at his soft touches and babbles at him. Rick can understand her mostly, but he isn't sure if Negan can. 

"Judy can take a bit to get used to new people," Carl says with a small laugh, playing with the candy wrapper and leaning back on the chair again. 

"She'll get used to you," Rick says, bumping Negan with his arm gently. 

Negan rubs her tiny hand softly in between his thumb and finger before bringing it to his lips to kiss. She smiles at him. "Ah, _bella bambina_!" He giggles. "I look forward to her getting used to me." Negan trails his fingers softly along Judith's back with one hand while also reaching his other behind him to grab the back of Carl's chair and stop him from leaning any farther. Carl starts and glares up at him. Jeez, can't a guy live?

Judith giggles and grins at Negan, reaching out to him. She likes this man. He's funny. She stares at his black-and-white beard curiously; she wants to touch it. 

"You have beautiful children, Rick," Negan says softly, looking into Rick's eyes. "You are so blessed." He smiles at him, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Thank you, Negan," Rick says just as quietly. It's nice to hear Negan say that. Even if Carl can get into mischief sometimes. Rick's smile is a little sad as well. He can see the pain in Negan's eyes. He isn't sure exactly what's causing it, but it hurts him, too. He leans in to give Negan a kiss, Judith babbling softly in his arms as he sways her a little. Negan hums and kisses Rick back softly, eyes closing for the soft moment. He lets go of Carl's chair, pushing him back down first, and rests that free hand against Rick's hip. He feels a pressure in his chest, and almost swears his heart's started beating again. He's so content here. Kissing Rick, surrounded by his children. He never wants to leave. 

Rick grins into the kiss and hums. Negan grins too, then draws back as the kiss ends, opening his eyes and smiling at Rick. Then he turns his head and puts his face into Judith's reaching hands, grinning at her. "Hey, darlin'. I see you." He rubs his cheek against her little hand, and Rick watches them affectionately. 

For a moment, Rick wonders if Negan's ever had any children. Before he turned. And then a darker thought comes to mind: has he ever turned anyone else? Rick swallows. That's why he never really asked much about Negan's past. He's worried about what skeletons are there. Or living beings… But, he really should know. Especially if he's bringing him home to his children. 

Judith cries out gleefully and tries to grab at Negan's beard, making him giggle. It's too short for her to really get a grip on but she strokes it with wonder. It's different from Daddy's beard, she thinks. His is brown like his hair. And this man's beard is a little scratchier, his skin a little colder. But she thinks nothing of it, and pats his cheek, grinning. "Eee-gam," she says happily, and Negan nods at her. 

"Yeah, I'm Negan. That's right!" He opens his mouth wide again in a silent excited gasp, and then turn his face quickly and blows a raspberry onto her palm. Judith giggles helplessly and pulls her hand away. 

"Stop, stop!" she cries with another giggle, grinning. Rick grins and shakes his head, bouncing her a little and kissing her head. Negan just grins wider, his cheeks practically hurting from it, and laughs. He takes Judith's hand in his and kisses the back of it, placing her palm back on his cheek. 

"I promise I won't do it again," he says, a twinkle in his eye, and Judith giggles and grabs his cheek. 

"You will!" she cries, and puts her hand on his mouth, grinning with delight at having outsmarted him. Negan smiles beneath her hand but he keeps his mouth shut and shakes his head no, blinking at her innocently. Judith's eyebrows furrow. "Yes!" she says. 

Rick watches the exchange with bemusement. He really had no idea that Negan was so good with kids. Negan giggles and winks at Judith before blowing another raspberry against her palm, and she laughs happily and pats his cheeks, wiggling in Rick's arms. Rick chuckles softly, keeping a hold on her as she moves. She's an active one, that's for sure. Negan laughs at Judith's giggles and holds his hands out to her again. 

"Can I hold you, _bambina_?" he asks softly. Judith hums and looks to Rick, who nods and raises his eyebrows, so she looks back to Negan and nods shyly, one hand up at her mouth. 

"Uh-huh," she says. Rick smiles and looks to Negan, holding her out a little. Negan smiles open-mouthed again as he takes her from Rick and fits her perfectly into the crook of his arm, holding her against him securely. 

"Hi there, Judy. Judy, Judy… Judy-boo," he muses at her, brushing one of her curls from her face. Judith giggles and pats him happily, delighted when he says her name over and over. Judith. That's _her!_

Negan rocks softly back and forth. "Look at that, you're taller than your daddy when I hold you." Negan chuckles, flashing a playful look to Rick. Rick snorts softly and rolls his eyes, smirking and crossing his arms. 

Leaning in, Negan presses his nose to Judith's head, inhaling. Mmm. She smells like lye soap, Rick, and something uniquely her own. She seems so small in Negan's arms, though most things do. He can feel the warmth radiating from her. Her life and her spirit. Still new and ready to grow. Negan sighs, content, kissing her forehead.

Rick watches them with a soft look on his face, overcome by how cute she looks in Negan's arms. 

Judith sighs and cuddles against Negan, keeping Rick within sight as she relaxes into this new man's arms. Her daddy likes him so he must be okay… and she really is sleepy…

Rick melts a little when Judith leans against Negan, and he steps up, brushing her little head. He sighs, his hand moving to Negan's around her. He looks at Negan gently, silently thanking him for being so good with her. Negan gives Rick a soft smile, leaning forward slightly to kiss his head and then press his forehead to it. 

"Rick, can I put Judith back to bed?" he asks quietly, looking down at the girl cuddled into him, and Rick hums and smiles. 

"Yeah, go ahead," he says, He brushes Judy's head again and then her cheek softly. She's so small and sweet. He looks back to Negan and kisses him again. 

Carl coughs loudly. 

Rick snorts and pushes Carl's head lightly. "Don't you have some homework you should be doing?"

Carl takes a fresh egg from the bowl in the center of the table and peers at it closely. He hums. "Don't you have some _taxes_ to be paying?" he mutters softly. 

Rick smacks his head and Carl snickers. Negan chuckles though he tries to hide it and Rick sighs and rolls his eyes, looking at Negan with a tired smile. Negan kisses his cheek. 

"Thank you," he says before moving to the kids' shared bedroom. Rick hums and watches Negan take her. Once he's out of sight, he sighs his contentment. 

Negan rocks Judith softly, stepping up to her crib and brushing some of her hair behind her ear. "Judy-boo… Judy… Judy-bug. You are so precious," he whispers to her, kissing her head. 

He begins to hum softly to lull her to sleep, his humming slowly turning into [soft singing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyiNIEXWJpg). " _Go to sleep little babe, go to sleep little babe. Your momma's gone away, and your daddy's gonna stay. Didn't leave nobody but the baby~_."

Judith giggles sleepily and smiles up at Negan. She hasn't known him for even an hour, and she already likes him. She blinks and yawns, leaning against his chest when he starts to sing, and it's not long before she's asleep in his arms. 

Rick listens to Negan sing from the other room. He bites his nail and has his other hand in his pocket as he watches them. It's so sweet, it really is, though it still puts him on edge a little bit, letting Negan hold his little girl. He just wants his kids to be safe… 

Negan places Judith in her crib once he's sure she's asleep, her tiny heart beating slower. He gazes down at her with a smile for a moment, just taking her in. He can't help but love her already. "Good night, _bambina_ ," he whispers before going back into the main room, closing the door softly behind him. 

He smiles at Rick, going over and hugging him gently. "Thank you, Rick," he says, kissing his cheek. Rick hums, hugging Negan back. Negan looks into Rick's eyes with wide, honest ones of his own. "Thank you."

"It's no problem," Rick says with a tired smile. "She's an angel, isn't she?" he asks with a small chuckle. 

Negan nods and smiles, leaning back and taking Rick's hands in his. "Yeah, she is," he says. "I can't wait to see her grow up. She has so much potential." He looks over at Carl doing his homework again at the table. "As does this one," he says playfully.

Rick smiles. "Yeah they do," he says with a soft chuckle, glancing to Carl. Carl snorts and rolls his eyes, but he's grinning with pride. As he should be. 

But it's right then that Rick realizes, in an unselfish but curious way, that Negan might even be able to get Carl into college. Then his potential… could really become something. Rick was proud when Carl showed an interest in blacksmithing. It's a good profession, with a lot of demand… but, going to college… it's something Rick's only dreamed of. He swallows thickly. 

Sighing, Negan looks at Rick. What did he ever do to deserve to be with this man and his family? He lifts Rick's hand and places it on his chest where his unbeating heart is. Rick looks down and then up at him, a little confused. Negan's heart is clenching in his chest, and Negan doesn't know what to make of it. He hasn't felt like this in _centuries_. 

Rick looks into Negan's eyes. He doesn't _feel_ anything different. But Negan's looking at him with… something akin to ache, and Rick understands. 

Negan sniffs and leans closer, resting his forehead on Rick's. Rick inhales in surprise. He blinks fast and then smiles, exhaling. Squeezing Negan's cool hand, he shifts closer. Oh, this is nice. He rubs the skin of Negan's hand with his thumb and makes little circles with his fingers on his chest. He breathes softly all the while. Negan closes his eyes and leans into Rick's touches and movements against him. They're so soft. So tender. He almost forgets to consciously breathe as he relaxes, breath stuttering as he melts into the moment.

Negan has known kindness and gentleness before, but it's been so long. Too long. Past heartbreak and wars have hardened him, hardened his heart, and yet… somehow Rick walked right past all of that. Chipped through his walls. Became his friend. Became his lover.

In that moment, Negan wants to tell Rick he loves him. Wants to tell him that he makes his cold heart feel warm and alive. Wants him to know how much this all means to him… but he's hesitant to say anything, not only because Carl's close, but also because the last time he spoke his feelings to Rick, he'd almost been rejected. They'd grown closer since then—Negan thinks so anyway—but he's still unsure. He doesn't want to push Rick away. Not when he has him so close.

Behind them, the fire crackles and pops, sending light flickering in all directions. The candles on the table and on the stove send bright light into the rest of the room. The sun has set and night is slowly falling. Crickets chirp out the open window. Carl studiously and quietly goes back to his homework again, trying to sink into the floor while also not seeming to be hyper-focused on what Rick and Negan are doing just a few feet from him. 

Rick moves his hand slowly up to Negan's cheek and strokes it softly while looking at Negan's closed eyes. He's so beautiful like this. Gentle and soft. Rick loves it. And he wonders what Negan's thinking about. 

As Rick touches his cheek, Negan purrs quietly. The touch pulls him from his thoughts and brings him back to the moment. He turns his head and kisses Rick's palm before nuzzling his face into it. Rick hums and huffs a small laugh, and Negan raises his own hand, settling it on the side of Rick's neck under his jaw. Rick's pulse is soothing.

To give Negan more access, Rick lifts his jaw a little. His other hand he slips to Negan's waist and then leans in closer so they're flush. Like two parts of the same tree wrapped around each other, he thinks, his lips turning up. He tilts his head forward to rest it on Negan's temple, and sighs. He starts to sway from side to side just a tiny bit, like trees in a gentle forest breeze. He thinks, if he listens hard, he can hear someone playing a guitar sweetly not too far off. 

Negan hums, a soft rumble in his chest. He moves his fingers along Rick's jaw, leaning into him and swaying with him. He buries his other hand softly in Rick's hair at the base of his neck and just holds him close. This is nice.

In place of a whimper, Rick bites his lip and shivers. He loves Negan's cool hand in his hair. There's something about it that feels _divine_.

Negan starts to hum softly as they move, a simple weight shifting back and forth. He sighs, content, and Rick smiles, leaning into him more, just relaxing as they sway. 

In the background, they can hear Carl's pencil scribble every so often. He turns the page; the fire crackles in the grate. An owl hoots out the window, and a wolf howls in the distance. 

Time seems to slow as they rock back and forth, and Rick feels like he should probably be telling Carl to go to bed, or be going to bed himself… he'd like to spend another night in bed with Negan, he thinks pleasantly. And then keep him in bed during the day. He doesn't know why, but the thought is a satisfying one. He knows Negan can take care of himself, but it's a nice feeling that Negan trusts him enough to stay here… surrounded by humans… in the middle of the day… trusting that Rick will look out for him. 

Rick muffles a quiet, happy laugh and hums contentedly, following along with Negan's tune. As much as he likes being taken care of, he also loves taking care of others. He likes taking care of Negan. Watching over him when he sleeps, giving him blood. It makes him feel useful and loved. 

He closes his eyes and rubs Negan's back gently with his knuckles as they move, humming softly and adding, in a small way, to the music and calm of the night. 


	18. Cocoa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan makes hot cocoa for Rick with Carl~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys :-) So along with today's chapter I wanted to just say that I posted [a new aesthetic](http://sweet-andy.tumblr.com/post/184333618980/strawberry-wine-by-milarca-sweet-andy-and) for the fic on my blog in celebration of the fic's 1 year anniversary! :D I know we started posting in late August but we actually started writing it in April… and we're still writing it somehow? Heh~ So yeah if you checked that out it would make us super happy! :-) Anyway, enjoy the chapter~! ♡

As the clock tower in town signals the coming of the next hour, Negan stirs from his position against Rick. _How long have they been together like this?_ he wonders, having no real concept of time anymore. He had shifted as they swayed and now he has his face pressed into Rick's neck, head resting on his shoulder, breathing in his scent. Rick shifts, sensing him moving, and Negan presses a kiss to the skin of his shoulder before drawing back and looking around, blinking like he just woke up.

Rick feels just as out of it as Negan looks, he thinks with a small smile.

Carl's still doing homework, but the candles are a little lower than before. Negan hums and looks to him, bringing a hand up to caress his face. He wants to kiss him so badly, but Carl's presence stops him from doing anything more than a quick peck. "Rick," he whispers, "would you want to move this to the bedroom?"

"Yeah," Rick whispers back, nodding. He glances to Carl who's doing his homework diligently, and then back to Negan, giving him a kiss and urging him back with a not-entirely-innocent smile. Negan breathes a laugh and takes Rick's hand, pulling him into the bedroom. 

" _Oh_ …" 

Negan reaches over Rick to close the door, and then pins Rick against it. Rick's eyes fly wide. Now in semi-private, Carl _is_ still in the next room, Negan captures Rick's lips the way he'd wanted to. Deeply and with passion. He holds onto Rick's hips, keeping him pressed against the door. Rick moans into the kiss and bucks against Negan's hands, wrapping his arms around his neck as he returns his passion. _Oh, yes._

Slipping his hands around, Negan pushes against Rick's lower back and caresses lower, pressing them flush together. Rick whines quietly and Negan rolls his own hips forward as he nips at Rick's lip, breaking the skin by accident but licking it away a moment later. Rick hisses, " _Ow_ ," playfully as Negan licks his lip. He tastes a bit of blood. "Bite somewhere else why don't cha," he says with a sharp-toothed grin of his own, digging his nails into Negan's back. Negan flashes his eyes up at Rick's and a smirk curls up his face. 

"Oh?" He trails his mouth to Rick's jawline, nipping at it, but managing to not break skin. "Here?" he asks, a light growl in his voice. Rick grins, but laughs nervously when he realizes that Negan's serious. His lips feel nice on his skin, but he's suddenly wary. It's hard to admit it but having Negan meet his kids took a lot out of him and Rick really just wants to rest. If Negan wants to bite him that's fine but Rick thinks… he probably shouldn't be standing up for it.

As Negan pushes Rick's head back, Rick lets out a tiny noise. Then Negan nibbles under his chin, his nose scraping over Rick's scruff. "Here?" Rick swallows roughly. It's truly a struggle not to make noise when Negan moves to his throat. Oh _god,_ it feels good. Negan moves his lips along Rick's Adam's apple, licking it as Rick swallows. "Maybe here?" He hovers his mouth over Rick's pulsing jugular and pauses. The smell of Rick's blood is thickest right here. It's not as sweet as it was yesterday. Rick's slacking on his sugar intake. Negan really ought to make him a pie.

Negan lets go of Rick's head and moves his hand to his cheek. Rick exhales hotly, blinking, and Negan kisses the sweet spot on Rick's neck. "Here?" he asks, softer, and Rick stays totally still for a moment. 

"How…" he says, swallowing hard. "How about we go to the bed, yeah?" he asks with a small smile. It's genuine, though, and he doesn't want Negan to worry. Negan lifts away from Rick and searches his face, looking for any apprehension. He doesn't find anything worrying, so he smiles back gently and takes Rick's hand. 

"Okay." He tugs Rick gently towards his bed and Rick sighs, relieved, as he follows. He pushes his boots off and gets up on the bed, kneeling up and tugging Negan forward by his waistcoat. 

Negan chuckles at being pulled forward but doesn't protest. Rick moves his hands up to Negan's jaw, looking into his warm brown eyes, and kisses him deeply. Negan returns it with a quiet moan. He manages to toe one of his boots off without breaking the kiss, but his other is stuck and no amount of stepping on his own heel is getting it. He huffs a laugh against Rick's lips and leans back. Rick snorts a laugh, looking down. 

"Hold on," Negan whispers, reaching down and yanking his other boot off. Rick chuckles, and Negan drops it down by Rick's before kneeling next to him on the bed. "Lay down," he orders lightly, touching Rick's chest with the tips of his fingers. Rick settles back and shifts so he's lying down but propped up on his forearms, watching Negan intently. 

Negan straddles him, running his hands up his hips, stomach, and chest as he hovers over him. Rick watches him keenly and Negan puts one hand over Rick's heart, smoothing the other up his neck and into his hair. Rick bites back a moan. "I _said_ , lay down," Negan repeats, and Rick's heart stutters and then beats quick against his ribs at the firmer order. " _All_ the way… relax," Negan purrs as he kisses Rick softly. Rick shivers as warmth pulses through him, and he lies down with eyes half-lidded, melting into the kiss and the hand in his hair. He whimpers and kisses deeply, his eyes closing for a brief moment as his hands go up to Negan's sides, keeping his grip on him light. 

Negan hums into the kiss as Rick touches him. He kisses back with fervor, slotting their lips together and pressing in. He feels Rick's heart pounding in his chest and hears the rush of his blood like a river crashing over him. He slides his hand from Rick's chest to his neck, feeling the pulse there, and then breaks the kiss with a groan as his fingers dig into Rick's skin. Rick makes a small noise, and his head drops back onto the pillow at the touch, his hands moving down Negan's sides to his hips and thighs. He lifts his jaw a little in invitation and swallows thickly. He wants this. He wants Negan to _take_ from him. Negan's mouth is practically watering as he places hurried kisses down Rick's jaw and the front of his neck, quickly replacing his fingers with his tongue. He groans again, _tasting_ Rick's pulse. _Delicious_.

He presses his lips into Rick's skin, pausing for one second to take in a deep inhale, before he opens his mouth, his lips never leaving Rick's skin, teeth scraping softly. He withdraws his hand from Rick's hair and places it on his cheek instead, sliding it over and carefully covering Rick's mouth—right as he sinks his sharp teeth deep into Rick's neck. 

Rick cries out in surprise, but Negan's hand muffles most of the noise. Rick's hips jerk up automatically, his nails digging into Negan's thighs, and he quivers and whimpers at the pain, shaking against Negan's hand and the heaviness of his body holding him down. And then, within what seems like moments, there's a slow euphoria that spreads through his veins like nectar, dulling the sharp pinch of Negan's teeth and making him tingle, warm with bliss. 

As Rick's blood hits his tongue, Negan shudders. It's _delectable_. The best he's ever tasted. Though, it's not very sweet… He sucks and licks softly, not trying to drain Rick, just wanting a little _snack_.

When Rick goes lax on the bed, almost limp, his eyelids flickering softly, Negan removes his hand from his mouth and strokes his cheek, silently praising him for doing such a good job. A shiver runs up Rick's spine at the touch, and he feels a little colder. It's nice though. He wants that gentle contact; he _needs_ it.

Negan grunts softly as Rick's pulse slows down, and he sucks a little harder, alternating between the wounds caused by his upper and lower teeth. Rick blinks slowly and keeps his breathing even, trying not to panic at Negan's lips on his neck, at the wounds in his skin. But the drug in Negan's saliva tamps down on the anxiety, and instead he just feels heavy and a little jittery. 

With the hand not on Rick's cheek, Negan reaches down and takes his hand, lacing their fingers together. Rick's a little too hazy to do much more than squeeze back, but he savors the contact. Negan holds on as he drinks just a little while longer, not taking any more than about a quarter cup. He hadn't really needed to feed yet, but Rick had been _right there_ and so _willing_. It's a temptation he can't resist. He licks at the bite when he's done, coagulating the blood and closing the wounds. 

Eventually, Rick feels Negan lick his neck with a warm tongue. He whimpers, and Negan leans up and looks down at him, licking his smiling lips clean. Rick manages a small, brief, tired smile up at him and thinks he can see a little bit of his blood on his lips. He shivers. And then suddenly his clothes are much too restricting, and all he wants is to be rid of them. He groans and pushes against Negan a little. 

"Negan. I need to get undressed. Just give me a sec." After that he wants to cuddle and sleep. That's all he wants. 

"Shh," Negan hushes, stroking Rick's forehead and pushing some loose hairs back. "I'll do it, caro. Just relax." He leans down and pecks Rick's cheek. "Thank you." 

Reluctantly, but gratefully, Rick lies back onto the bed, exhausted. "Okay," he says with a small smile, loving the kiss and Negan's gentle touch. Negan returns it, petting him a little more before sitting up. He begins working on the buttons and bindings of Rick's clothes, stripping him down gently. Rick watches Negan's eyes sleepily as he works - they're a deep shade of red that's unsettling, but they're also soft and pleased. It's such a contradiction. Negan is so… careful with him… it goes against what he is, his nature, his sometimes disconcerting physicality. 

Negan works quickly but softly. He's so grateful for Rick and what he provides him. The energy, the life, now coursing through him. He's never been one of those vampires who revels in the stealing of power from other beings, so he appreciates Rick's willingness to give it. It makes him feel less monstrous.

As he gets the final article of clothing off, Rick shivers and flushes slightly. He would have maybe protested that last one, but he's so tired… 

Negan kisses Rick's cheek and then his lips before laying down beside him and cuddling close, holding him tight. Rick kisses back and then shifts onto his side they're facing each other. He fits their legs together a little and tucks himself in under Negan's chin.

"Mmm, _caro mio_."

Rick smiles at the endearment. _Caro mio. - My dear_. It's nice. 

He is a bit chilly now though, he thinks with a shiver as the cool air flows into the room through the open window. Negan hums and curls into Rick, but he feels the shiver and looks down at him. "Cold?" he asks, though he's already sitting up and moving to close the window. 

Negan forgets about temperature for living beings all the time. Lucille has to constantly bark at him in the winter to remember to light a fire.

As he goes to the window, Rick makes a small unhappy noise and tries to grab at him, but Negan's just getting the thick blanket folded at the end of the bed. He grabs that and drapes it over Rick, tucking him in. Rick hums gratefully at the almost immediate warmth and Negan chuckles to himself. Rick looks like a burrito.

After Rick pulls it further over himself, he sighs happily as Negan lays back down next to him, wrapping his arm around him and kissing his head. Rick cuddles even closer and sighs again, closing his eyes. This is nice.

He listens to the quiet noises of the town in the evening. It's not yet past midnight so there are still people out. He can hear the fire burning in the heater in the corner, and he can hear the fire crackle and pop in the fireplace outside the door. He can hear Carl writing and moving around occasionally, and he can hear Judith babbling to herself softly in the other bedroom. He _can't_ hear anything coming from Negan, but there's a warmth to him that wasn't there before he fed. A slight flush to his skin. Rick hums contentedly, and it's not long before he slips into a tired sleep. 

Time passes uncharacteristically slowly for Negan. He traces his fingers over Rick's back as he sleeps, listening to his lungs breathe and his heart beat. The motions of living. Negan focuses and matches his unneeded breaths to Rick's.

In.

Out.

In. 

Out. 

Slow and deep.

To and fro.

He smiles and curls closer to Rick, content and weighted with his snack.

But, he also now has a bit of newfound energy, and he finds himself fidgeting a little while later. He looks at Rick's sleeping face. He feels like he should do something for him. He wants to give back for taking from him. He hums softly and kisses Rick's forehead.

An idea strikes.

Moving carefully, he sits up and climbs off the bed, moving silently to the bedroom door and slipping out, closing it behind him. Carl is still flipping through his books at the table, and he goes red again when Negan comes out.

He heard a lot of what was going on and if he didn't have a test the next day he might have just left, but as it was it would be too difficult to study by lamp on the dark porch. He should have gone over to Enid's…

"Heya, Carl," Negan greets. "D'ya have any cocoa?"

"Hi. Uhhh…" Carl tries to think. "Yeah, I think we do?" he says, curious what Negan even wants it for. He glances to the cupboard to the right of the stove and motions to it. "There should be a jar of it in there." 

Negan nods and goes to the cupboard, opening and searching through it. When he sees the jar he grins and pulls it down. "Sugar?" he asks, looking back at Carl. "And, uh… do you have milk?"

Carl had turned back to his homework, but he looks up at Negan's question, wincing a little. His face is still red and Negan can probably tell. "Uhmmm, yeah, it's probably in there. Just look around. It's in a tin that says 'sugar' on it." He smirks, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. 

Negan snorts and rolls his eyes. He can tell the boy is a bit flustered, and he wonders just how much he heard. How much he _assumed_. He smirks a little to himself as he looks for the sugar. 

"And uhmm, I don't think we have any milk left. I think Olivia bought some today for Judith but it's gone now. …The saloon might have some now, though," Carl says, his lips curling up a bit. Like he's daring Negan to ask him how he knows that. Yeah, he's been in the saloon a few times, though he'll deny it to anyone who says otherwise. 

Negan hums, giving him a glance as he searches through the cupboard. "You get a lot of milk from the saloon, boy?" he teases with a smile.

" _No_ ," Carl says defensively. He doesn't know who would actually go to the saloon for milk except for little old ladies, but _he_ certainly doesn't. 

Finding the sugar, Negan brings that and the cocoa over to the table and hums. He doesn't _need_ milk, he could use water, but… it'd be so much better. 

Carl watches Negan put the stuff on the table with crossed arms. Is he gonna bake a cake?

"You wanna come with me to get some?" Negan asks. "Take a little break from studyin'?"

Carl looks up at him, suddenly interested. "Yeah!" he says eagerly, his derision all but forgotten. Who cares if nobody gets milk. He's up for walking around town and going to the saloon at night when his dad's asleep. And Judith'll be fine. "What are ya makin' anyway?" he asks, hopping up and stretching. Negan smiles at Carl's eagerness and goes to his satchel he left hanging on the back of the chair. He fishes out a coin purse, pocketing it. 

"Hot cocoa," he says, shrugging, and Carl looks down, eyebrows knitting. "I made it for your dad when he visited before and he seemed to like it. Thought I'd make it again and surprise him."

Carl looks back up. Negan made his dad… hot cocoa? That's so… weird. He supposes… that it's nice. But it's also weird to think about. His dad doesn't drink… hot cocoa. Well, Carl's never seen him drink it anyway. "That's… nice," Carl says finally, and Negan heads towards the door, gesturing for him to follow. 

"Also… what kinda pies does your dad like?"

"Uhhh… umm…" _Pies?_ "Peach? Pecan?" Carl says, thinking. "Apple? I dunno. Olivia made a cherry pie once and we all loved that." He chuckles. That was a _good_ pie. 

"Cherry, hmm?" Negan says as he leads the way out. He could do that. He waits for Carl to close the door before heading down the stairs, making sure his steps make a little noise and aren't as quiet as he might walk usually. "What about flowers? Do you know his favorite flowers?" 

Carl closes the door and follows him down. _Flowers?_ "Uhhhh…" Carl swallows. "I don't know what ah, what flowers he likes…" Okay, this is getting _too weird_ , he thinks as Negan walks down the way. He doesn't wanna talk about the sweet sappy romantic things his dad likes. That's _gross_ and he's his _dad_.

Negan chuckles, hearing Carl get uncomfortable. "Okay, okay," he says, reaching out to ruffle Carl's hair. Carl jerks back and glares at Negan, huffing and clawing at his hair to get it back to the way he had it. "Sorry. You probably don't care about all that."

Unsure, Carl looks up at him and then down. He kinda cares… he just doesn't wanna talk about it.

Shaking his head, Negan puts his hands in his pockets as he saunters down the road next to Carl. "What about you then? What's your favorite thing to do, hm?"

"Uh… well… I like to swim and fish. And do metalwork… and read about other places…" He likes to talk to Enid, too, but he doesn't think Negan means that. Doesn't want him knowing that either. 

"Metalworking, huh? That's impressive." A good trade, too. Rick did a pretty good job with the boy. "You'll have to come to my place sometime. I've got a ton of books you'd love," he offers. 

"Your place?" Carl asks hesitantly, sticking his hands in his pockets as he walks. "Yeah, that could be fun," he says. "That's in the hills, right? In the cabin? I'd love to see your books…" And he does. Mrs. Miller's library is great n' all but he bets that Negan has juicier stuff… 

"You might have to learn Italian to read some, but that's fine, right?" Negan laughs and Carl chuckles nervously. 

Learn Italian? Right…

"I don't think I could learn Italian… when would I use that besides to read your books, anyway?" He asks with a chuckle. 

The streets are mostly quiet by now as night's settled. The more respectable people have gone inside and all that's left is the few loners. Carl goes into the town at night all the time, even if his dad doesn't really like it. He loves seeing the town at night. It's so much _fun_.

"Well, you could talk to me," Negan says. "Maybe go to Italy one day?" He shrugs and smiles.

"Yeah…" Carl says, doubtful.

The lamps lighting the streets are burning bright as the two walk. They can hear the soft sound of music and light chatter as they turn the corner and the saloon comes into view.

"I'll translate the books for you, howzat?" Negan suggests.

"Uhh, yeah, sure. That'd be great…" Carl _does_ want to see books in a different language. Pouring over text he can't read. He chuckles softly. He's getting excited thinking about it. 

Negan glances at Carl. He's glad the kid seems open about reading his books and learning some world history. One thing Negan loves is teaching people about the past and about places he's been. Though maybe he just actually likes talking about himself… 

They step up onto the porch of the saloon and Negan holds the door open for Carl before following him in. There's a few people at the tables, one group playing cards, and a couple at the bar. A lively tune is being plucked out on the tack piano in the corner of the room. 

Carl looks around the saloon like he belongs there, seeing Eugene from the hardware store downstairs, and Sasha, the second— well, _first_ Deputy Sheriff, now, Carl guesses. With them is Rosita. Carl doesn't know what she does, but she always carries a gun and has a sour look on her face. Sasha's spotted them and is looking at Negan curiously. Rosita follows suit a moment later, her eyes narrowed. Carl wonders what that's about. Also there is Abraham the butcher and Tara the rancher, who nod to Negan.

Negan leads the way past the tables to the bar, nodding to people in greeting who nod to him. He signals for the barkeep, Hershel, when they reach it, and Hershel nods to Negan when he motions, just finishing cleaning some glass mugs. Along with barkeeping, Hershel is occasionally the veterinarian of the town, and is mostly beloved. 

"So, how often you come here?" Negan asks. Carl cuts a look to him and then relaxes. 

"I don't come here," he says. "I'm too young… regularly…" He moves to the other side of Negan, a little more hidden from Hershel.

Negan gives Carl a drawn-out, "Mmhmm," and a raise of his eyebrow. "Come on, kid, don't lie to me," he says, a smile curling up his face. "I won't tell your dad. Promise."

Carl looks at the hundreds of bottles that line the shelves before the mirror on the other side of the bar. He glances up at Negan, doubtful he would really keep a secret like that. And he thinks his dad already knows he comes here. But he does his homework and stays out of trouble so he that's probably why it's never a big deal. He looks down.

"Sometimes…" he says, a little moodily. He doesn't like being accused of lying.

Negan follows Carl's gaze to the shelves of bottles. He locks eyes with himself in the mirror behind them. He'd been elated the first time he came in and realized it wasn't silver backed. Made his life a whole lot easier.

"Sometimes? Just sometimes?" Negan teases. He chuckles and leans on the bar.

Carl looks up at Negan with drawn eyebrows. The man is so strange. Why does he want to know and why is he trying to get the truth out of him? 

"Do you _want_ me to have gone here more than that?" Carl asks. He's wary of this being a trick to get more info out of him that he can tell his dad. 

Negan just laughs softly. "I'm just ribbin' ya, kid. Sheesh."

It's then that Hershel comes over, tossing his towel over his shoulder. 

"Sorry 'bout that, Negan. What can I get for ya?" he asks kindly, putting his hands on the edge of the counter. He glances to Carl, who ducks a little more down nervously, but doesn't say anything. Hershel's eyes twinkle just a little like he knows Carl's being naughty, but he won't necessarily kick him out. He knows Rick lets him in here if he stays out of trouble and doesn't have any hard liquor. 

"Howdy, Hersh," Negan says, putting a hand on Carl's shoulder and pulling him up next to him. "We were just wondering if you had any milk, about four cups or so."

"Uhhh—" Carl grimaces in surprise and then slaps a guilty smile on his face. 

A knowing smile broadens on Hershel's face when he sees Carl. He glances to Negan and back to Carl. 

"You _were_ , were ya?" he asks, leaning back and crossing his arms. "Yeah, we got some. And how would you like that? In glasses or… would you like a bottle?" he asks Negan, glancing to Carl with a twinkle in his eye. 

"A bottle, please," Negan says. "We won't be staying. I just need it for a recipe." He shrugs and flashes a smile.

Hershel nods and goes to go get the bottle from the cold storeroom. 

When he's gone, Carl tugs away from Negan, exhaling in half-annoyance and half-relief. He supposes he won't get in trouble since he's with his dad's… new beau? Carl doesn't really know what he is. But they _sure are_ sleeping together, he thinks with a small shudder. 

Trying not to laugh at his reaction, Negan smiles. "Hey, kid, calm down," he says. "You're alright with me. I won't tell your dad nothin', and I won't let anyone else get ya in trouble."

Carl sticks his hands in his pockets again and looks up at him. "Yeah, I know," he says, a little defensive, "but… thanks," he says, genuinely, softening his tone. Negan smiles and nudges Carl's chin affectionately with his knuckle. 

"No worries, _giovanotto_ ," he says with a wink, turning back to the bar to look for Hershel. He comes out of the back room then with a glass bottle of milk, nice and big. It has water dampness on the outside from the chill that drips down as he sets it down on the bar. 

Carl snuffs and looks to Hershel as he comes back out. 

"Here ya go, my friend," Hershel says to Negan with a smile, "That'll be six cents."

"Thank you." Negan pulls his coin purse from his wallet, taking out a quarter. He slides it to Hershel and cinches his bag, pocketing it again. "Keep the change," he says with a grin, picking up the bottle of milk and holding it out to Carl.

Hershel's eyebrows go up. "Thank you very much," he says, taking the quarter.

"Carry this back for me, hmm?" Negan waves the bottle at Carl, who takes the bottle and shivers at the coldness of it, turning towards the door. 

"You have a good night, now. Both of you," Hershel says with a smile, getting his rag out and wiping the counter. Negan waves to him. 

"You too. Thanks again!" He turns and follows Carl out of the saloon, beginning the walk back to Rick's house. Carl sighs, swinging the milk as they walk. 

"So you live up in the cabin on the mountain, right?" he asks, and Negan nods. 

"Yup, sure do," he says. "It's nice up there. I like the quiet, and the forest provides good trapping meat."

"What kinda things do you trap?" Carl asks. That's _exciting_. 

With a hum and a shrug, Negan kicks at the ground absentmindedly. "Mostly squirrels and rabbits," he says. "They're the easiest things to trap. Sometimes I go out hunting, and I'll catch deer and pheasants that way."

"Wow, that's swell," Carl says interestedly. "Can I come with you some time?" he asks with a grin, turning to walk backwards and look at Negan as they go. "Dad never really takes me hunting. Grandpa did, before he passed, but only a little. Dad mostly takes me fishing by the river. Can you fish?" he asks curiously. Negan chuckles softly and nods. 

"Yes, I can fish," he says. "My dog Lucille also thinks she can fish, but mostly she just gets herself soaked." He laughs and then hums and looks up at the moon in the sky.

He wouldn't mind taking Carl hunting. They could go at night easily enough. It would be fun to teach the kid how to track and shoot, he thinks.

"You'll have to ask your father about coming hunting with me," he says, looking back at Carl. "I don't mind, but I'm afraid he might skin me if I just take you out to the woods with a gun." 

Carl barks a laugh and chuckles darkly with amusement as Negan grins. "Yeah, probably," he agrees, grinning. "We should do it," he says, turning back around as they near the house. "He'll say yes." Carl swings around the side of the hardware store to walk down the sandy alley. "What kinda dog do you have?" 

Negan likes Carl's confidence in his father's answer, but he doesn't quite know what Rick'll say. Perhaps he'll want to come with them? Perhaps Negan will have to do a little _convincing_ to make him say yes.

"Well," Negan draws out the word and leans his upper body back. "She's more of a… wolf."

As they reach the stairs, Carl looks back at Negan. "A wolf? What do you mean? You have a _wolf_? Like, as a _pet_?" Carl doesn't quite know how _that_ is possible. Wolves are wild. Then again… Negan, if anyone, looks like he could handle a wolf.

Grinning, Negan nods. "Yup! She's basically a big dog." He shrugs and follows Carl up the stairs. 

"Huh…"

"She's a big, overdramatic, playful, attention-loving dog." He laughs softly. "You'll meet her when you visit."

"Yeah, I'd like that…" Carl grins as they get to the porch. It sounds like so much _fun_.

"I don't bring her to town in case someone decides to shoot first and ask questions later, ya know?"

"Yeah…" Carl says solemnly. He supposes people wouldn't take very well to a huge wolf in town.

"We can plan a time tomorrow when your dad is awake for you to come over," Negan says, pushing open the door and ushering Carl inside. He follows, closing the door behind him.

"Okay, sure," Carl says with a grin.

"Alright, you wanna help me make this hot cocoa, or you wanna study some more while I do it?" Negan asks, cocking his head.

"Umm, yeah I wanna help," Carl says with a laugh, putting the milk on the table. He hums and checks the stove for wood. It's mostly burned down to embers by now, so he grabs some firewood from the pile to the side and pushes it through the door. Negan nods in approval. 

"Good, alright." He searches around and finds a small pot, placing it down on the stove burner. "You're going to be in charge of stirring it constantly, okay? We don't want the milk to curdle or burn to the edge of the pot."

"Okay," Carl says as he finishes getting enough wood in the oven and making sure it catches fire. He closes the little metal door and then looks to the cabinet, going to get a wooden spoon to mix with. Negan grabs the milk and sugar from the table and goes back over to the pot. He pours all of the milk into it and adds about three tablespoons of sugar, setting the tin off to the side in case he needs more later. 

"Alright, go ahead and start stirring," he says, and Carl does. "The sugar will mix in as the milk warms up and we'll add the cocoa when the sugar is gone," Negan explains, shifting his weight on his feet. "You'll have to taste test this for me as we go, by the way. I'm allergic to milk, and I don't like chocolate." He laughs softly, and Carl looks back up at him curiously. 

"I've never heard of someone being allergic to milk, _or_ someone who doesn't like chocolate." Carl laughs. "How can you not like chocolate?" The pot of hot milk and sugar on the stove is already starting to smell so good; he wants to drink it right _now_. 

...

Rick wakes slowly to the sound of a pot on the stove, baking supplies being used, and Carl and Negan talking to each other. He smiles and yawns, curling a little more into the covers. He wonders what they're making, but he's glad they seem to be getting along. That's all he wanted. 

... 

Negan laughs and shrugs. "Yeah, milk makes my stomach unsettled and chocolate just…" He makes a grossed-out face, sticking his tongue out before snickering. Carl laughs along with him, amused. "I don't know. It's just not for me." He watches Carl stir, waiting for all the sugar to dissolve. He picks up on the very soft sound of Rick stirring slightly, his heartbeat increasing just a bit. Negan smiles softly.

"Huh. So if you're allergic to milk that means you can't have cookies or cakes or pies or anything?" Carl asks as he stirs. He can't imagine that. It sounds awful. 

"Correct," Negan says, nodding. "All of it makes my stomach upset and it's not pretty what happens after." He shakes his head. It's not technically a lie if he thinks about it. It's just that he's ' _allergic_ ' to everything, not just milk. But it's an easy and believable excuse. "I can follow a recipe, though, and I enjoy baking those things. I've been by myself for a while, too, so I haven't gotten to bake in a long time. You and your dad will have to be my taste testers." He grins and winks at Carl, moving to grab the cocoa from the table. 

Carl giggles. He _definitely_ wants to be a taste-tester.

"Does the sugar seem like it's fully incorporated?" Negan asks as he comes back.

"Uhh…" Carl stirs the spoon and doesn't feel any resistance. "I think so?" he says. The milk has started to steam slightly. Negan pours about a tablespoon of cocoa into the milk as Carl stirs it. The powder clumps to the top as it slowly dissolves into the hot liquid. "So what kinds of things _do_ you eat?" Carl asks, curiously. 

"Um, anything without milk?" Negan says with a chuckle. "Pretty much no baked goods. Meat, fruit, vegetables…" He shrugs and nods at the pot. "When that's all mixed in, taste a little and tell me if it needs more sugar or cocoa, yeah?"

"Okay," Carl says. Now it smells even _better_. He smells deeply and sighs as he mixes. After a few minutes he gets a bit in the spoon and lifts it to his lips. He sips the delicious liquid and hums, but he thinks… "Maybe a bit more sugar?" he says. 

Negan nods and adds another tablespoon of sugar. "I'm trusting you on this," he says with a smile.

Carl chuckles low and stirs the concoction again. He tries it after another minute and hums in approval. "I think it's done," he says. "Tastes good to me." He takes another sip via the spoon and sighs. 

"Alright, alright. Don't drink all of it from the pot," Negan says, chuckling. "Go grab two mugs." He takes a pot holder and lifts the pot up off the stove by the handle, getting it off the heat and ready to pour. Carl snickers quietly but goes to the cupboard. He gets two big ones and comes back, holding them out. Negan carefully fills the mugs, before setting down another pot holder on the table and setting the hot pot on it. 

There's still a little left in it that Negan suspects Carl'll drink if he leaves him unattended with it. He takes one of the mugs from Carl's hands. "Thank you very much, Carl," he says, smiling at him and squeezing his shoulder gently. "Get back to your homework while you drink that, alright?"

"You're welcome," Carl says, and nods as he takes a large sip from the mug, humming. He hasn't had something this sweet in a while. He goes back to the table and sets the mug down, blowing on the hot liquid a little to cool it. 

Negan meanwhile heads back to Rick's bedroom, turning back to wish Carl a good night before he slips into the room, closing the door behind him. 


	19. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Negan talk into the night, and have some fun together, too~

"Rick? You awake?" Negan asks softly as he silently pads to the bed. He sits down on the edge, reaching up to rub at Rick's blanket covered arm. Rick stirs, having fallen asleep again. 

"Yeah," he answers sleepily, looking up at Negan's dark shadow as his eyes adjust to the lack of light. He shivers. He knows Negan wasn't gone for long, but… "I missed you…" he says. "What were you and Carl doing?" he asks, taking Negan's hand and bringing it to his lips to kiss. Negan smiles and runs the back of his finger over Rick's cheek. 

"He was helping me make you a surprise," Negan says, looking at Rick with soft eyes. He can't help the feeling of affection that bursts through him at Rick's small words and actions. He _missed_ him. Oh, he could cry.

At the touch, Rick sighs and blinks up at him. "A surprise, what—" He can see a little better now and he spies a mug in Negan's hand and is that… chocolate he smells?

"C'mere. Sit up and try it while it's still warm," Negan says gently, scooting closer.

"Oh…" Rick sits up. "Hot chocolate?" he asks with a smile, taking the mug with one hand. Negan beams and puts his own hand on Rick's, sandwiching Rick's between the warm ceramic and Negan's cold skin. 

"You guessed it," Negan says. "Made with milk this time instead of water. Carl taste-tested, so if it's bad, you can blame him," he snorts with a gleam in his eye. 

Rick chuckles. "Yeah, he does love his sugar…" he says, shivering at the feel of Negan's cool hands on his warm ones, but he knows he's just trying to warm himself up. And it feels nice, Rick thinks as he takes a sip. Mmm. Hot chocolate with milk is much better. He sighs appreciatively. "Oh, that's good. That's really good." It really is. It warms his insides and he's sure it'll help him feel better after giving blood. 

Negan beams, pleased that he made something Rick likes. Well, Carl kind of did most of it, but it was his idea. "Oh, fantastic," he says, letting go of Rick. He quickly takes his boots off and gets onto the bed, curling behind Rick on the bed. Rick laughs in surprise as Negan tucks Rick between his legs and rests his chin on his shoulder, hugging him as he curls closer around him. Rick purrs. Oh, that feels so, so good.

"I'm pretty sure your son is gonna drink the rest of it, so do be sure to savor that mug."

"Oh I will, don't worry," Rick says with another small laugh before he takes another sip. It really does taste amazing. He sighs contentedly and leans back into Negan, turning to nuzzle into him. "Thank you for this," he says softly. 

"My pleasure, amore mio," Negan says, nuzzling back. Rick smiles at the endearment and sighs. "It's the least I can do to thank you for what you do for me." Negan looks at the mark on Rick's neck. Two crescent moons carved smoothly into the skin. He hums and squeezes Rick closer. 

Rick sighs, taking another sip. Supper was ages ago so he's grateful for the snack. He leans his head back into Negan's shoulder as the drinks warms him, and Negan holds him close. It feels so nice. He could just stay here forever. 

He lets the warmth radiate through him as the minutes tick by. He enjoys the feel of Negan holding him. He hasn't been held like this in so long. He hasn't felt affection for someone like this in so long. He almost forgot what it felt like to care for and be cared for by someone else. He knows this is an _unconventional_ way of caring for someone, he thinks with amusement, but it still counts. He knows he should think it's wrong. Maybe it is. But it doesn't really feel wrong. He's helping Negan and Negan's helping him. There's nothing wrong with that. 

And if he's being honest, he likes how Negan is. It can get… tiresome… being the one someone else looks to for everything. He can provide, sure, but he's much better at following the other person's lead in the bedroom. It feels good to let them set the pace. And Negan seems like he's good at doing that, and that's perfectly fine with Rick. 

He's glad Negan and Carl are getting along, too. He feels like he should ask Negan what they talked about, but he's enjoying the silence too much to break it. 

As the time passes, Negan feels content holding Rick. The feel of his heart beating and his lungs breathing is soothing, and Negan closes his eyes and just enjoys being in his presence. It's been such a long time since he's had this intimacy with anyone. He'd long given up on the idea that'd he'd ever have it again. He's overjoyed to have found Rick, and he hopes Rick can tell just how much he means to him. Through his actions and his words, Negan's trying to pour his heart out without showing too much too soon.

After a long while, Negan cracks his eyes open and glances at Rick's mug. There's still some hot chocolate in there. "Don't let it get cold, or it won't be any good," he says softly. He can almost smell the sweetness pulsing through Rick, but he's unsure if it's actually in his blood or just on his tongue. Rick laughs darkly and drinks the rest of the hot cocoa, sighing contentedly when he finishes it. 

"Delicious," he says, and looks over to Negan with a smile before leaning in to kiss him. Negan hums, licking at Rick's lips and tasting the chocolate, the sugar, the warmth, Rick. He shivers slightly. It's such a good combination. 

Rick groans when Negan licks him, and a moment later Negan leans back just enough to whisper, "Delicious," right back. Rick shivers and grins. 

"I'm glad," he whispers, and pecks Negan on the lips. Then he reaches over to put the mug on the side table before going back to Negan's arms. This time he kisses him deeply, one hand cupping his cheek as he pushes him back slightly with the force of his body. Negan groans and holds onto Rick's shoulders as he gets pushed back, pulling Rick right along. He kisses back just as deeply, tilting his head slightly and pressing in, loving everything about the sensation.

Rick laughs as Negan pulls him down, breaking the kiss for just a moment before kissing back again and again, tasting him and licking and nipping him back. He hums, delighted, and Negan meets him for every kiss, moaning softly and smiling. He falls the rest of the way back, tugging on Rick's blanket to get him on top as he lays his head against the pillow. He runs one hand up the back of Rick's neck, sliding it into his hair, massaging his scalp with his blunt nails as he kisses him.

Grinning, Rick moves to straddle Negan despite the fact that he hasn't a stitch of clothing on; he goes just a touch redder when he realizes that fact, but he doesn't mind. The friction feels nice - _better than nice_ ; he can feel himself start to leak slightly onto the quilt between them. His situation is made worse when Negan's hand goes into his hair. _Oh God._ He whimpers and kisses back, shuddering slightly. Negan grins into the kiss at Rick's beautiful noises and tugs and releases Rick's hair again and again. Rick's eyes widen and squeeze shut as Negan tugs on his hair. _Fuck you_ , he thinks, whimpering helplessly as it jolts him. Negan pulls him away from the kiss and Rick shivers, a little dizzy.

Negan bends his knees up and runs the hand not in Rick's hair down his naked back, tracing the notches of his spine. Rick arches his back at the touch of his hand. _Dear lord_. Negan reaches the small of his back, then presses down with the tips of his fingers, massaging there, and pushes Rick to sit down and grind against the thick blanket that's now covering Negan himself. Rick grits his teeth and bites back whimpers and moans as his cock rubs almost painfully against the rough fabric. He grabs onto Negan's shirt and arm, his nails digging into Negan's skin as he drops his head down nearly to Negan's forehead and whines. 

" _Shh_ ," Negan hushes with a smile as he stares up at Rick's face so close to his. Despite the call for quiet, Rick whines again, more softly but for longer this time, as Negan slides his hand down from Rick's hair and kneads into the back of his neck, almost scruffing him like a cat. _H-h-h-holy shit_. " _Rick. Rick. Rick_ ," Negan whispers, letting the name roll over his tongue like a sweet piece of candy. Rick drops his forehead onto Negan's and bites his lip, whimpering and squirming as Negan says his name. It sounds so nice when he says it…

Negan presses down on Rick's back again as he mercilessly rolls his own hips up, and Rick breathes hotly onto Negan's face as he does so. _No, no, no, no…_ Rick whines again at the friction and then drops his head into Negan's shoulder as Negan draws it out, pushing against Rick and pausing for a moment, before he slides very slowly against Rick's length, slowly, slowly, and drops back down.

_Fuck_... 

Negan bites his lip. Oh, that is _so good_. He loves that he can make Rick react like that. Like putty in his hands.

Rick huffs and lies rigid on Negan, turning to nose slightly into his neck, and tries to still the other man's movements. It's not so much that he wants this to end, as he likes fighting back and trying to see how Negan'll counter it... He wants a respite but he also wants Negan to push him over the edge despite his own protestations. 

He grins against Negan's neck, shivering as the cool air brushes against the dampness on his body. 

When Rick seems to try to push back against him, Negan wonders if he wants him to stop. But he can also feel that grin against his neck, and he knows Rick's just being a little devious. He kind of likes that side of him. The side that likes to be tied up and given orders. The side that fights back for the thrill.

Negan cards his fingers up into Rick's hair again and Rick whimpers and goes lax, powerless to stop himself from reacting to Negan's hand in his hair. It feels so _good_ and he only wants it to continue.

Sliding his other hand lower, Negan grabs one side of Rick's ass and hums appreciatively as always. Rick jerks at the touch, all at once just a touch fearful but also intensely appreciative. Negan kneads the flesh softly, loving the softness, and Rick buries his face in Negan's neck shyly and wriggles against him, digging his fingers into his skin again and breathing shakily. Negan hums and continues his ministrations. Soft hair in one hand and soft skin in the other. What more could he ask for?

He leans his head up and kisses Rick's shoulder before turning and kissing his cheek, as much as he can reach with Rick's face hidden in his neck. Rick smiles and leans into Negan happily at the kisses.

Negan's lower hand switches sides and gives Rick's other cheek the same attention as it's partner, just keeping them even, of course. Rick shudders at the movement and shifts his hips up. Mmmm, the slow friction feels amazing. Negan rolls his hips up lazily and can feel his own cock start to twitch. With their current position, it makes him wonder if one day Rick might ride him like his. He licks his lips and shudders in delight at the image his mind brings up of Rick taking his cock all the way in till he's sitting flush on Negan's hips.

Perhaps on a night when the children aren't home. He wants to hear Rick _scream_ when they do that.

Negan continues to rock gently against Rick as he paws at him, and Rick exhales through his teeth at the continued friction. Negan turns his head and rubs his scruff on Rick's. " _Rick_ ," he purrs. "Rick, kiss me."

Rick pauses. Oh. Kiss him? Which way? He nudges his nose into Negan's neck just under his ear as an acknowledgment before leaning up a little to kiss his lips. He whines softly into it as the fabric rubs his cock. _Jesus_.

Negan nods lightly at the kiss. _Yes. Correct. Good._ He moves his hand from Rick's hair to his jaw, just holding him there while he kisses him, never stopping his slow ruts against him and using his hand on Rick's ass to push him down gently. Rick breathes hotly into Negan's mouth, hissing as Negan pushes him down. He breaks the kiss and whines, his head falling to Negan's shoulder again. He clenches his teeth and shivers, starting to move himself back and forth slowly as much as he can against Negan's hand to give himself a little more. Negan huffs. 

"Hey, I didn't say stop. Get back up here and kiss me," he growls softly, and bucks up once, quick and hard. Rick yelps at the sudden friction and shudders, swallowing thickly as Negan returns to his slow even pace.

"Ask me nicely," Rick says, huffing back. Negan chuckles. 

"Get back up here and kiss me, _please_ ," he purrs.

" _Thank you_ ," Rick says, pushing up again and kissing Negan's lips softly, looking into his eyes carefully. Negan hums and smiles and presses into it, kissing Rick slowly and lazily, the same slow pace as he thrusts against him. He closes his eyes and melts into the feeling and warmth of Rick, placing his hands on Rick's hips, just resting them there. Rick kisses back tenderly, but his eyebrows draw when Negan closes his eyes. "Hey, look at me?" he asks gently, shivering. He realizes that he didn't really like it when Negan had asked for a kiss with what seemed like no warmth in his words, and now… Rick just feels a little uneasy and wants some contact again. 

Immediately, Negan opens his eyes. He looks up into Rick's beautiful blue-grey eyes and searches for pain or discomfort. There's something there, but he's not sure what it is. He kneads his thumbs gently into Rick's hips. "What's wrong?" he asks softly.

Rick exhales evenly, liking the motion on his hips. It feels nice. "Um… I'm not sure," he says. "I just… don't like it when you ask me to kiss you like that," he says softly. He doesn't really know how to explain it, but it's like, with something like that, he wants the desire behind it to be warmer. "I _want_ you to ask me to kiss you if you want it," he says with a small smile, "just… a little more gently…"

Looking down, Negan feels a little like a kid getting in trouble, but he nods and swallows. "Okay. Yeah…" he says. "I'm sorry. I'm still trying to figure out how you like to be… pushed, and how you don't." He looks back up at Rick. "Sometimes it's confusing, but I just want you to be happy." He moves a hand from Rick's hip to his cheek and smiles. "Thank you for being patient with me. I'm just an old dog learning new tricks." He chuckles, and Rick laughs softly. 

"Yeah, I know," he says, leaning into Negan's hand. "I'm sorry for being confusing." He chuckles. "Sometimes even _I_ don't know if something's not going to feel right, for me… but we're learning together," he says, smiling sheepishly. 

Negan nods, smiling big and relaxing. 

He thinks that, wow, this man makes him feel so happy, even at moments like this. He runs his thumb underneath Rick's eye softly. "Rick, will you please kiss me?" he asks with a giggle. Rick snorts a laugh and chuckles, grinning. 

"Yes, I will, Negan," he says, smirking, before he tilts his head in and gives Negan a soft, deep kiss. Negan moans lightly into it, moving his arms to wrap around Rick and hold him close. He starts moving his hips again, realizing he'd stopped when he was concerned for Rick, and increasing the pace just a hair. Rick shivers and whimpers into the kiss as Negan starts moving and puts his arms around him. 

_That's nice, just like that…_

Negan continues to move against and kiss Rick for a few moments longer before he breaks the kiss and says against Rick's lips, "Move your hips, Rick. Grind down. Use me." He trails his lips to Rick's jaw, kissing gently to his ear. "Bring yourself to pleasure on me, Rick. Please."

Rick groans slightly, unsure. He breathes heavily onto Negan's skin. "You want me to?" he asks, unsure why he needs to know that that's what Negan wants, but needing to hear it regardless. 

" _Yes. Yes, Rick_ ," Negan says, nodding and biting gently on his ear. Rick keens softly at the bite and nods, closing his eyes and starting to move himself against the blanket. It's rough and dry but it's not terrible. He's got his forearms on Negan's chest and he shifts a little, trying to get his hands out to help himself but unable to manage it. 

He drops his head down beside Negan's head again tiredly and moves his hips back and forth, grunting as he works himself on the fabric. He's gotten himself wet enough with precome so there isn't too much of a burn, but it's still slightly painful. 

Negan bites his lip as he watches. _Yes, yes._ He hums, loving the feeling of Rick moving against him. He moves his hands back down to rest on Rick's hips, feeling the rocking motion, and Rick whines—Negan's cool hands feel amazing on his warm hips. He pushes back into him a little as he moves, whimpering and rocking. 

It feels so good, but he also wants to get this show on the road. He starts to speed up, feeling Negan beneath him. He whines low, curving his hips so all the right places get friction. He's started to sweat a little and he bites his lip, moaning as blooms of sensation ripple through him. 

"Good, good, good," Negan praises softly into Rick's ear. He licks his bottom lip, making small noises as Rick speeds up. "Lord, you feel amazing," he whispers. "You sound amazing. You _look_ amazing." He tilts his head up slightly to look down Rick's spine and take in the view. He runs a hand up Rick's spine, smoothing it back down and resting it on the small of his back. Rick grins, pleased, and whines low as Negan touches him. 

_Jeez…_

Rick keeps up the momentum, his muscles pulled tight as he uses them to move himself quickly. He pants hard and _then_ —he cries out as he comes, whining and tensing as he milks himself on the quilt. _Jesus_. He moans. It feels _amazing_. 

Negan gasps as Rick cries out, and grins and shakes from the delight of it. Rick pleasuring himself. The feeling of Rick working himself out on him. It's fantastic. And he can feel Rick's muscles tense and relax beneath his hand, his cock throbbing against him. _Perfect_. 

As Rick humps the last bit of sensation out of his orgasm, he presses his nose into Negan's neck and hums, smelling him and kissing him and licking him hungrily; needing him in his mouth. He tastes so _good_. 

Negan tilts his head back and away to give Rick more room, purring at the kisses and licks. Oh, he likes that, too. He runs his hand up and down Rick's back soothingly, feeling the aftershocks ripple through him. "Mmm, _caro mio. Bravo!_ "

Rick whimpers softly like a kitten, _loving_ the touch and praise. It was good for Negan? Good. He hums, nipping and sucking at Negan's skin; trying to mark him as best he can without hurting him. Negan makes soft noises as Rick tries to mark him. He wishes he could bruise. He wants to be covered in marks from Rick. They would have to come up with _something_.

As the heat begins to dissipate, Rick sighs tiredly, going lax on Negan's body. He knows he's lying in his own come, but he doesn't mind. It'll soak into the quilt - thank god it's the bottom of it, he thinks with a small chuckle. He grins and hums, moving his arms to cross on Negan's chest so he can lie on him more comfortably. He shifts down a little and settles his head under Negan's chin. 

"That was nice," he says quietly, eyes closed, enjoying the feel of being so close to Negan and feeling this good. 

Negan lets Rick shift before continuing his soft back rub. He hums in agreement. " _Sì, sì, sì_. Yes, yes, yes," he says, tilting his head down to kiss Rick's before he hooks his chin back over Rick and holds him close. He sighs, smiling. He likes seeing Rick pleasured and relaxed. It's nice.

Humming contentedly, Rick stretches out his legs and rolls his shoulders before relaxing again, nuzzling against Negan's chest. He sighs, looking out the windows into the dark night as moonlight spills into the room. He closes his eyes and breathes for a few minutes, getting his energy back. He hums. He likes this backrub a lot, but… he glances back, wondering if he could... 

"Nnn," he mumbles. "Can you put your hand in my hair?" he asks softly, grinning slightly as he glances up at Negan. "It would feel nice." He smiles and nuzzles at Negan's throat, kissing it softly. Negan smiles and melts into the affection. 

"Of course, caro," he says quietly, trailing his hand up Rick's back, his neck, and into his soft hair. He alternates massaging his scalp and carding his fingers through the strands. Rick purrs happily, closing his eyes and breathing in Negan's scent. He shifts his arms so they're tucked at his sides, and rubs circles in Negan's skin.

"I like when you kiss my neck, and when you kiss my hand," Negan says softly after a few minutes. Rick looks up at him. "I wish I could blush." He sighs, twirling one of Rick's curls around his finger. "You don't even know how red you'd make me. Just… constantly." He huffs a laugh and Rick smiles softly, going a little red himself at the thought. "I wish I could bruise, so that your bites would stick. I wish you could mark me." Negan sighs again and looks out the window at the beautiful night.

When he does, Rick looks down at Negan's neck. There are only pale indents where his teeth were - to be gone as soon as Negan moves around a bit more. Rick makes an unhappy noise, nuzzling into him again. "I'm sorry… I'd like to mark you too," he says with a small laugh. "It would be my revenge." He grins and Negan smiles and huffs, trying to laugh, but a soft whine comes out of his open mouth as Rick kisses his neck. 

He melts into it as Rick kisses and licks and moves his hand to Negan's throat, rubbing and holding onto him, brushing his neck and cheek with his thumb on one side and lavishing it with kisses on the other. Negan's eyes flicker shut for a second and his fingers tense where they are in Rick's hair and on his lower back. 

"Make you." _Kiss_. "All." _Kiss_. "Mine." _Kiss_. Rick giggles and Negan leans into Rick's hand, nuzzling it. He whimpers softly at Rick's words, a shiver running down his spine, and Rick grins wickedly. 

Wow. He loves those noises Negan makes. The _whines_ and _whimpers_ —yes; he absolutely loves them.

Negan opens his eyes again and swallows thickly. "All yours…" he whispers. "Rick… I am all yours."

A shiver runs through Rick's body at the words. "Mine," he says softly, considering it. He hadn't really considered that Negan would feel that way about him. It's… an intoxicating feeling. He hums again and continues kissing Negan's neck. 

Negan pants softly and makes a small noise when Rick nibbles at his ear and nuzzles behind it, humming while rubbing circles on the other side of his neck and playing with his ear gently with his fingers. Oh, those fingers are slowly undoing him, and he whines softly again. Rick's found one of his most sensitive areas… 

Rick chuckles softly, in heaven with all the noises Negan's making. He wants to make Negan make those noises a _lot_ more. He wants to kiss him and explore those noises while he kisses him _a lot more_ …

But then he finds something—He chuckles softly. "Y'ever gotten an earring?" he asks, his tongue between his teeth as he grins. "Could mark ya that way." He chuckles and bites his lip, only half joking. Even though earrings are mostly taboo for men, he always kinda wondered what it'd be like. 

It takes a moment for Rick's words to register in Negan's clouded mind, but he swallows and blinks quickly, nodding in response. "Once… long time ago… in France," he says, resting both hands on Rick's upper back, fingers slightly pressing in. "The hole healed… when I took it out."

In _France_? Rick's eyebrows draw together. It seems so far away… which it is, he thinks with a soft chuckle. But he wonders just _how_ long ago, too… It seems magical to him. For what it's worth, images of Shakespearean garb and nobility come to mind. Glittering jewels and fancy clothes. 

"Wow…" he says, and looks to Negan's earlobe. Not surprisingly, the skin is smooth. Rick supposes it healed over perfectly. He moves his hand up to feel the skin. It's cool and soft and unblemished, even under his fine touch. "Huh… when uh… when did you get it pierced?" he asks, moving his hand back to the other side and kissing Negan's soft ear with a smile. 

He likes the idea. He really likes it. He nibbles on the ear again and then kisses Negan's neck, nuzzling behind into his black hair and grinning. Yes, he could stay here forever… Negan purrs softly and a growl of pleasure rumbles from his chest as Rick's mouth works him over. He slips a hand from Rick's back up into his hair, gripping it softly, and Rick groans quietly. Just like that, yes…

"E-early seventeen hundreds," Negan says, backtracking through the years in his mind, and Rick's eyes widen. 

That makes him at least a hundred and fifty years old… Rick mentally hits himself for never asking how old Negan really is. It's really shocking hearing dates like that. 

"It was seen as… a sign of wealth… back then, over there…"

"Wow…" Rick says dazedly. "That's so strange. A sign of wealth." They laugh softly together at the oddness of it. "All people think now is that you're a hooligan…" He snuffs a laugh, and then sobers. "H-hey Negan how old are you?" he asks, swallowing. He wants to ask before he gets sidetracked. There's something… mysterious… in this moment, about Negan. Rick really doesn't know all that much about him at all. He thinks that he should probably remedy that, and soon. It's just kind of overwhelming. Negan's probably done so much. So much more than Rick could ever imagine. 

At his question, Negan hums. 

He looks up at the ceiling and thinks it over, also coming down from his pleasure high a little. "I was born in 1641," he says, and Rick's breath goes out of him audibly. "April twenty-second. Which makes me… two hundred and thirty-nine?" He says it like a question, like he wants Rick to check his math.

"Jesus _Christ_ ," Rick says, and Negan barks a loud laugh, throwing a hand over his mouth and shaking with his laughter. Rick chuckles slightly too, but his head is still spinning. "That's… that's… oh my god." He drops his head down and tries to wrap his head around that. He barely knows what was even going on then. But that's older than America is… "Wow," he says eventually. "You're old." He laughs slightly, glancing up at Negan. "No offense." 

Negan's laughter subsides into giggles. "No offense taken," he says, removing his hand. "But if you call me a cradle-robber, I might be a little bit offended." 

Rick barks a laugh and Negan winks, grinning. "A cradle-robber…" Rick chuckles. "I mean… it would be a little appropriate," he says with another small laugh, rubbing and patting Negan's chest. "But I don't mind."

"Well, that's swell," Negan says with a smile. He reaches up and takes Rick's hand that's on his chest, bringing it to his mouth to kiss his knuckles, before he presses Rick's palm to his cheek, nuzzling into it. Rick laughs low, and then sighs happily. His fingers stroke Negan's cheek lightly.

"Do you want to know anything else, caro?" Negan asks, and Rick hums. 

"Well, yes, but it's also a little overwhelming, so you'll forgive me if I don't ask a lot right away…" he says contemplatively. Negan hums and nods, closing his eyes and melting into Rick's touch. 

"Well, I'll be here with answers whenever you have questions," he says, and Rick smiles. 

"Okay," he says, kissing Negan's jaw. Then he yawns and extracts himself from the comfortable spot on Negan's body. He laughs as he sits on top of him, his hands on his chest. "I want to continue this, but I think I need to adjust these sheets because I don't really want to lay in _this_ for any longer." He looks down briefly and snorts a laugh. Negan looks down when Rick does, and his eyes rove over Rick's body. He wets his bottom lip and smiles up at him. 

"I feel bad for whoever does your laundry, Rick. Two pairs of pants and now a quilt. Soiled. What on earth are we gonna do with you?"

Rick laughs deeply, undulating his nails into Negan's waistcoat like a cat, and Negan's breath stutters slightly at the feeling of Rick kneading into him. 

"I just don't know," Rick purrs, grinning still and moving slowly downward, "what _are_ you gonna do with me?" He smirks, his parted lips hovering over Negan's as he looks into his brown eyes with dark ones of his own. Negan smirks back, chuckling softly. 

Oh, he likes _this_ Rick.

He places his hands on Rick's thighs and squeezes before smoothing them up Rick's warm skin. They travel up the front of his body, feeling every inch, to caress his neck and cheeks and jaw. Negan traces the bite mark he left earlier. 

Rick can see it when Negan's eyes go dark, when that smirk crackles to life on his face, and it's a struggle not to drop down onto his back right there and whine. His eyelids fall and he keeps the dopey, sleepy grin that's curled on his face as Negan's hands roam over him. Though he shudders, and his grin falters, when they get to his neck. To the bite mark. He swallows hard, knowing it's sensitive… 

"Oh, _Rick_ ," Negan purrs, his words like honey. 

_Yes…?_ Rick thinks, and then Negan grins and shoves both hands sharply into Rick's hair and grasps it. Rick makes a high noise of surprise, his eyes widening at the sensation and his body yielding to it almost entirely. _Ghnnn_.

"It would ruin the surprise if I told you," Negan says, laughing darkly before bringing Rick's head down and kissing him hard and deep— _Oh_. Rick kisses back with nearly as much enthusiasm, but also lets Negan take charge. He whines into it softly and closes his eyes. Negan tastes _amazing_ , and all he wants is to keep doing this until morning. 

Swallowing Rick's whine like a man starving, Negan groans deeply back. _Lord_ , he loves how much he can reduce Rick down with a single touch. He scratches against Rick's scalp and tugs his hair, tilting Rick's head and directing it into the kiss where he wants it to go. 

As he's moved about, Rick whimpers softly. His hands tingle where they are on Negan's chest and he can feel that he's being ground into his release again. _Dammit_ , he wanted to adjust the quilt, not go right back to it. But, it is kinda hot… okay, it's _really_ hot.

Negan nips and licks at Rick's lips, making them red and sensitive, bringing the hot blood to the surface, and Rick groans and his body twitches in response. He can also feel now more than ever how tired he is. Round two would be nice… but, besides the automatic, he doesn't have the energy for much. But he kisses back softly for now as he melts down into Negan again. 

As Rick relaxes, Negan can feel it, can feel his kisses softening. He knows that Rick'd planned to move the quilt, possibly even sleep. It is late, even if he'd slept a little before this. Rick still had his blood taken _and_ had an orgasm—he's honestly impressed at Rick's stamina. He knows that he could easily get Rick excited again, but perhaps he shouldn't.

Pulling Rick away from his lips gently, Negan gazes up at him. "Rick, hop off, will ya?" he asks, and Rick blinks at him, a little confused at being taken away. "I've gotta get this quilt off…" Negan clarifies, patting Rick's hip. 

Rick shivers. "Oh," he says, nodding. "Yeah." He liked that hip pat... he likes being bare when Negan's not. He likes Negan's hands on him like this. He hums and shifts over to the side of the bed by the window, lying down curled up and facing Negan. He sniffs and shivers slightly at the cool air. 

Negan sits up and folds the quilt over itself before throwing it to the floor. He shakes himself out. "Better," he mumbles, before looking over at Rick.

The image of Rick, naked and laying in the moonlight coming in through the window, is glorious. His sun-warmed skin looks so smooth, and his chest rises and falls with each breath. Negan finds he can't look away from the entrancing sight, his eyes tracing every curve and bump of Rick. Though, he wishes he was spread out a bit more…

" _Bello_ ," he whispers, shifting closer to sit and face Rick as he ghosts his fingers up and down Rick's side and along his outer thigh. Rick looks up at Negan with wide, innocent eyes, shivering at the touches bestowed on his skin, at Negan's attention… 

Negan pushes on Rick then, trying to get him to lay on his back. To show more.

And, when Rick realizes what Negan wants, he flushes red. 

He bites his lip and _just_ stops himself from curling in a little more, looking at Negan cautiously. He knows it barely matters at this point, but… he wants to see what Negan'll do to get what he wants. Rick smiles, just a touch darkly. "What do you want?" he asks, softly, sliding his hand to Negan's wrist and holding it lightly. He knows what Negan wants, but he wants to hear him say it. 

"You," Negan breathes back in answer. He nudges Rick a little more. They both know he has the strength to maneuver Rick any way he pleases, but he wants Rick to stretch out and display his body _himself_. "Lay back. I want to see you. All of you." He pats Rick's thigh and wonders if he should go grab his sketchbook from his satchel. He feels like this'll be something he'll want to remember.

But Rick swallows, a little unsure. He's not sure why. Negan seems a little detached and it's not helping him feel all that comfortable. He hums and takes Negan's hand off his thigh, bringing it to hold in front of him. He looks down at it. "Why do you want to see me?" he asks. He supposes that's obvious too, but is it, really? 

Negan hums and his eyebrows furrow. Rick's hesitant and he isn't sure why besides maybe his usual shyness. He cocks his head and smiles. "Because you're beautiful, Rick," he says, squeezing the hand that took his, and Rick looks into his eyes. 

Beautiful? He doesn't think so.

"I want to drink in the sight of you all laid out for me in the moonlight. I want to memorize all your curves and edges." Negan leans forward and pecks kisses along Rick's side. 

Rick whines low - oh that's nice… 

Resting his head on Rick's shoulder, Negan gazes down at him. "Please?" he asks, smiling softly. Rick nearly whines at the hopefulness in Negan's eyes. 

"Why do you want to memorize me?" he asks. "I'm right here… I'm not going anywhere…" 

_Not yet_ , Negan thinks automatically, sighing. "But you won't be here… not in a hundred years. Probably not even in fifty," he says sadly, and Rick looks at him, horrified. "It'll just be me and my memories." 

"' _Probably not even in fifty_ '?" Rick echoes, as the terrible fact of his eventual demise stares him in the face. "I mean, yeah I guess that makes sense but come on… people live to be a hundred. Yeah I won't be around in a hundred, but fifty… give me a little credit." He laughs softly, and Negan smiles gently. "I'm only… only thirty-five," Rick says. 

The words sound plaintive in the quiet, a plea and a statement of fact—hollow in the face of Negan's potential thousand-year or more existence. Hollow in the face of one accident that takes his life from him, and leaves Negan alone in the blink of an eye. 

Negan sniffs and presses his forehead to Rick's shoulder. "Rick… please, Rick. Let me have beautiful memories to look back on."

Rick exhales tightly. "Don't talk about that," he says. "Please." He wipes his hand over his face. "Jesus. I don't wanna think about when I'm dead. And we gotta lot of time until then, okay? So just… relax." Rick smiles and strokes Negan's face with his hand and Negan sniffs again and wipes at his nose, looking over at him. "We'll make beautiful memories." Rick smiles. "I promise…"

Negan swallows. He can't help but think about it. It's a constant worry in the back of his mind every time he connects with anyone. He had friends in the wars, and he's had so many Lucilles. Everyone who comes into his life ends up leaving him forever.

And now, Rick is talking about them having _time_. Spending it _together_. It'll go much faster for Negan than it will for Rick, but… he does want to enjoy it while he can. He doesn't want to spend it wallowing and lamenting its end when he should be spending it celebrating it happening.

"Now come here," Rick says then, trying to urge him in for a kiss. Negan huffs something akin to a laugh and rubs at his nose and tearless eyes. Rick smiles gently, sad to see Negan so emotional. _It's going to be okay,_ Rick wants to tell him. _It'll be alright._

Negan follows Rick's instructions somewhat. He lays down but doesn't go in for a kiss, instead wrapping his arms around Rick and tucking himself under Rick's chin, like how Rick always does to him. He holds onto him tight and Rick brightens slightly, and wrapping Negan in a hug of his own. 

But Negan shakes softly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right," he whispers. "You're right, Rick." 

Rick nearly whimpers at Negan's words. He holds Negan tighter. "It'll be alright," he says again. "We got a lotta time before anything happens… okay? It'll be okay. Just, enjoy now." Rick sighs and kisses Negan's head, nuzzling into him. Negan nods softly. 

"Okay." _Enjoy now. Enjoy now._ He smiles as Rick kisses and nuzzles him. It feels good being on this end of things sometimes.

"I'll show you my dick tonight…" Rick says, "and you'll probably see it many more times after that…" 

Negan snorts and giggles as Rick chuckles, humming, pleased to have gotten Negan to laugh. He loves that sound, that feeling. "Lots of time to burn the image of it, and me, into that old noggin o' yours." Rick laughs softly, breathing in Negan's good scent and rubbing his back. He sighs, and Negan relaxes into Rick's touch. 

Negan wants to make a quip about Rick saying 'probably' but instead he just says, "Thank you, Rick. For everything," and squeezes him closer. "I'm sorry for being so… dramatic." He huffs. "Two hundred years makes you really get inside your own head sometimes."

Rick looks down at him and squeezes him again. "It's okay, Negan," he says, chuckling softly. "I get it. Or… I think I get it." He hums and kisses Negan's head again, rubbing him. "I'm here for all your reality-check needs." He huffs a laugh and sighs, enjoying Negan's weight on him, his arms around him. It's nice. 

Grinning into Rick's skin, Negan laughs softly. He's already feeling immensely better just from being wrapped in Rick. "Thank you," he says, kissing Rick's collarbone. " _Grazie... Ti amo_." He rubs his hand up Rick's back to hook it over the back of his shoulder. He closes his eyes and hums. "Caro mio _._ "

Rick smiles contentedly, feeling himself glow warmly from Negan's words and motions. He hums, shivering into the contact. Even if Negan doesn't produce heat, being this close to him has certainly warmed him up. It's nice. 

"...Caro mio," Rick repeats quietly, "mmm. I love that." He squeezes Negan again and sighs, closing his eyes. 

_I love you_ , Negan thinks, just barely holding his tongue from speaking it. 

Instead, he hums [a soft song](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iQ_xRL3uxTA), with words he knows but doesn't speak, trying to soothe Rick off to sleep. He feels a little badly always keeping him up so late.

When Negan starts to hum, Rick doesn't want to interrupt him so he squeezes him tight and rubs his knuckles along his back appreciatively. Then he relaxes and listens to the music. He thinks he should try to stay awake a little longer. He doesn't _want_ to fall asleep. He hates how whenever he falls asleep at night… Negan's either not there, or he's asleep when he wakes up. It's cruel. They only seem to ever have a few hours with each other before night or day catches up with them. 

Rick can't wait until they go somewhere and can have more synchronized sleep schedules. He wants that. He wants to wake up with Negan. He sniffs and slots their legs together a little, shivering. He drops off into sleep after a few minutes, entirely too tired to keep himself awake any longer. 

Negan doesn't move from the position they have themselves in as he hums into the night. He listens to Rick's heart slow when he falls asleep, and smiles. What a beautiful sound.

As the sun begins to rise and Negan begins to fall, he places one last kiss to Rick's neck and squeezes him tight.


	20. Peaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan bonds with Judith, and a miscommunication is had…

**Wednesday, April 27th**

Rick wakes a little away from Negan, wrapped in blankets, their legs still tangled. He sighs, a little sadly. He wants to wake Negan up, but he looks so tired and soft. Rick reaches out and strokes his cheek, brushes his hair gently. He rolls onto his back and looks outside. Morning light is coming in, but the sun's so high that it only falls to the floor. He'll make sure he closes the curtains when he leaves, before it touches Negan. 

He slept late, again. No thanks to Negan, he thinks with a chuckle as he drags his legs over the bed and sits up, rubbing his eyes. He shakes his head of sleep and runs a hand through his wavy hair. His stomach grumbles, craving breakfast. He looks back to Negan, dropping down to give him a kiss before he gets up and dressed. He washes his face with the water bowl and basin on the stand by the dresser and gets some water in his hair, shaking it out like a dog before drying himself with a towel, and then closes the curtains before he goes. 

He spends most of the day at the sheriff's office helping out there, and in the evening he goes home to make sure Negan hasn't been disturbed and to get his draft letters to Lori. Negan hasn't been, as much as Rick can tell. Olivia seemed a bit disturbed by his presence, but apparently Carl let her know it was him in there and not to worry. She still did worry but left him alone, for which Rick thanked her profusely. She had also baked a peach pie, which he wondered about, since it was his favorite and she usually made apple… but he was grateful for it regardless and had a few slices after dinner. 

After that he takes his papers out on the porch and drafts a letter to Lori, finishing it this time and sending it out at the post office. He thinks that she might not even be teaching school now, what with the planting season being in full swing in the valley. He'll just wait to hear from her, anyway. 

Rick isn't sure what'll happen when or _if_ she comes. He supposes he'll move out… and he and Negan can get a place somewhere. He wonders if Negan might be amenable to helping the kids and Lori find somewhere bigger. Maybe they can build a nice little house for them off Main Street. Rick doesn't want to ask Negan for money, but he needs to know that his family is at least taken care of before he goes anywhere and effectively quits his job. He feels a twinge of guilt at even doing that in the first place. What's he becoming? A kept man? Jesus…

Well, he supposes it's better than being lonely and working for breadcrumbs trying to support two kids. At least he'll be happy, and his children will have their mother.

After he drops the letters off, he goes back to the river with his accounting notebook and a lantern, sitting against a tree in a lush grove of grass, wildflowers, and willows as night falls. The town may be in the middle of grassy plains, but there's a reason it's called Desert Brook. The river runs just behind the town, supplying it with clean drinking water that comes down from the mountain. A more easterly mountain than Negan's is, but similar to it. 

As Rick goes over his finances he wonders if Negan'll be able to find him out here, if he wants to find him anyway. He breathes a soft laugh. He didn't tell anyone where he was going, nor did he think anyone saw him go. 

The wide, deep river—or perhaps it's just a deep creek—rushes and thunders as it speeds down the way, and Rick wonders if it'd be too cold for a swim. Probably, this early. Looks pretty, though, he thinks, and stops for a little while to sketch a drawing of it. He's always loved rivers. There's something clean and life-giving and beautiful about them, something entirely different from the dirty farm or even city life. He thinks he might go crazy if he didn't live near some kind of river or body of water. He has no idea how real city people survive in their huge brick buildings all crammed together. It sounds hellish. 

No, this is much better. Much more peaceful. He's glad his parents took him here from back east when he and his brother were young, as the land is so much more unspoiled. Rick sighs as he sketches the river, appreciating the stillness and solitude and freedom of being alone for once. 

...

As the sun goes down and the stars come out, Negan stirs. He'd been having a dream about Lucille hunting squirrels. Groaning as sleep lifts away from him and consciousness returns, he reaches out an arm and feels the soft, but empty, mattress. Rick isn't there. Of course.

He sighs and blinks. He can't wait until they're traveling and they can fall asleep and wake up together. He wants to spend the whole night with Rick, not just half. He enjoys his time watching Rick sleep, but he'd rather he be awake…

Sitting up and stretching, Negan rubs his face and looks around. The shades on the windows are closed, he notices with a smile. He can smell fresh made, if not a few hours old, breakfast, and he can hear voices in the backyard. Neither of them sound like Rick or Carl, but one sounds like Judith. He wonders if the other is the woman that minds Judith while Rick's away.

In the living room, there's a fire burning in the fireplace, the embers snapping. No one's there, but the voices are louder now, floating in through the open door that leads outside. 

On the table there's an almost-full pie. Looks like it's peach. Negan hums and continues out, standing at the top of the stairs and surveying the yard. There's a bit of a grassy yard nestled in before the horse paddock, which Judith is sitting in and playing with some dolls while her babysitter sits in a chair nearby mending what looks like Carl's pants. Negan smiles and goes down the stairs.

There are lanterns lit all around, casting enough light over the two for the woman to work comfortably and Judith to play without fear of the night. Negan makes sure his steps down the stairs make noise as he descends.

"Good evening, ladies!" he greets with a smile and wave, and Olivia gasps and nearly jumps out of her chair in fright. Negan grins and holds his right hand out to her. "Hello. I don't believe we've met. I'm Negan," he says, flashing her a shining grin.

" _Oh my_ ," she says, putting a hand on her chest and taking slow, deep breaths. "You scared me, Mr-Mr… Negan…" she says, getting up and looking to Judith nervously. He's so much bigger than Mr. Grimes is. It's almost shocking that he's… he's… _well_. She won't allow herself to think it out loud. "But, no, I don't think we have met," she says primly. 

When Judith spots Negan, meanwhile, she stops what she's doing and looks up at him with wide, curious eyes, and then grins, reaching out to him. 

"Eee-gam!" she babbles, wiggling in excitement. 

"Judy!" Negan returns the excitement, smiling wide and going over to scoop up the little girl. Olivia gasps and puts her hand out in alarm when Negan picks Judith up, but Judith doesn't seem frightened.

"How are you, Judy-bug? Hm?" Negan asks, bouncing her and tickling her sides gently. There's just something about her that makes him so _happy_. Her golden curls are like sunshine, something Negan doesn't see often nor usually feels happy about. They're beautiful though. Just like her.

Judith giggles and cries out as he tickles her, wriggling in his arms delightedly. "Good…" she says, laughing and reaching to grab onto his shirt with her tiny hands. She looks into his eyes with bright blue ones of her own. She likes this man. He's so happy all the time and she likes that. 

Negan presses a soft kiss to her forehead and chuckles. "Good," he says.

Sniffing, Olivia puts Carl's pants down on the chair, folding her hands and watching the two carefully. Judith's reaction is positive… but the feelings of a toddler are hardly a good judge of moral character… and this… _Negan_ fellow… doesn't seem like very good news. She doesn't know _how_ him and Mr. Grimes ended up in such a… _relationship_ … where this man sleeps around all day and only shows up night… but it doesn't feel proper to her. A gentleman should court respectfully, not just show up well past dinnertime and overstay his welcome. That's probably why Mr. Grimes isn't around. He wants to send the message that this kind of behavior isn't welcome. 

Olivia watches Negan warily, looking for any sign that Judith isn't comfortable. Olivia doesn't care _how_ big Negan is—if Mr. Grimes' little girl is in trouble, you can bet a Christmas ham that Olivia'll be there to get her out of it. 

Negan looks back to Olivia and smiles. He knew she'd be shocked by him going for Judith so quickly, but, hey, he's allowed to have a little fun, isn't he?

He steps closer and holds his hand out to her again, securely holding Judith in the crook of his arm. Olivia stands up straighter and stops herself from backing up when Negan approaches, putting her hands on her apron instead and looking at his hand suspiciously.

"Oh, please! How rude of me," he says, slight astonishment on his face. "I didn't catch your name, miss…?"

She looks to Judith sharply and then Negan. "It's Olivia," she says, and reluctantly puts her hand out to shake his, smiling coolly. 

" _Olivia_ …" Negan purrs, shaking her hand before bringing it to his lips and placing a soft kiss to the back of it. Olivia inhales nervously and he smiles at her. "A beautiful name for a beautiful woman…" 

She flushes pink. She doesn't believe a word of it, but it is… nice.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Negan finishes. He can tell she doesn't trust him—he can hear her heart pick up as he gets closer—but he's not above a little flattery to help melt an icy heart.

Olivia takes a calming breath, looking to Judith again and back. She manages a small smile in return. "And you," she says, calming somewhat. Negan grins at her and looks back down at Judith, and Olivia sighs in relief as his attention is directed elsewhere. 

Negan tucks some of Judith's curls behind her ear. "And what were you playing before I interrupted, huh?" He turns to look back at her dolls, moving to them and placing Judith back down in the grass next to them. She giggles again, holding her doll tight to her chest, and he crouches down to her level and picks one up. "Who is this?" he asks with playful curiosity.

"Dolls…" she says shyly. "That's Emma." She smiles at him and bites her lip, excited at the attention. 

Watching them, Olivia crosses her arms, unable to help being charmed when he talks so sweetly to Judith. 

Negan makes Emma dance back and forth on her feet. "Emma, huh? That's a good name!" He smiles at her and she grins and nods. "And who is it that you have?" he asks, nodding towards the doll in the girl's grasp.

"Eva," she says shyly again. 

"Eva and Emma, huh?" Negan says. He sits down fully on the grass, crossing his legs. He sits Emma on his knee and holds her up. "Are they friends?" he asks. 

"Uh-huh," Judith says.

"Yeah? Well tell me all about them!" Negan chuckles and smiles. This is too much fun.

He wonders offhandedly where Rick is, but isn't worried about him, per se. Rick knows he wakes up at sunset, but Negan knows Rick has things to do. If he isn't back soon, Negan might go look for him, but until then, he had doll lives to learn about.

"Uhh… tea!" Judith giggles, as if that's obvious from the little rocks and twigs in front of the dolls. Negan looks at her for a moment and then at the rocks. 

"Oh!" He moves Emma from his knee to down where he supposes a 'teacup' is, making her sit in front of it. "I see… they like to drink tea together, huh?" He smiles and makes Emma 'drink' from the rock teacup. Judith nods and covers her mouth as she laughs. 

"Uh-huh."

Olivia watches Negan and Judith interact carefully, but eventually decides that Judith isn't about to be sprung away by a devious cad, so she goes back to her mending at her chair, looking up at them every so often as she stitches. 

Negan laughs and continues playing with Judith, making his doll drink tea, talk about the weather, and dance and sing with the other doll.

The evening grows a little colder as time passes, and one of the lanterns blows out. Olivia startles and Negan looks up at it and back down to Judith. "Hey, Judy-bug, I think it's about time you went inside and got warmed up, what do you say?" he asks, holding his arms open in an invitation for her to come into them. Judith yawns and nods at him. She is a little chilly, despite how much fun they'd been having. 

Olivia folds up her stitching and grabs the blown out lantern, watching Negan patiently. He scoops Judith and her dolls up and stands, looking to Olivia and smiling. He leads the way up the stairs and into the house, settling Judith down in front, but a couple of feet away, from the dying fire. He puts another log on and stokes it back to life.

As he gets the fire going again, Olivia puts her things on the table and goes to the cabinet for some milk and a few crackers for Judith as a bedtime snack. She gives the cracker to Judith as he finishes and then looks at her. 

"I'm going to go find Rick," he says, grabbing a blanket from the back of a chair. 

"Alright. I'll be here," she says.

Negan nods and crouches down, brushing Judith's head. "I'll be back soon, okay?"

As she bites into the cracker, Judith smiles and nods at him assuredly. Negan stands and waves as he leaves, heading quickly down the stairs. 

Now he _is_ worried. He's sure that Rick would have been back by now. Where on Earth is that man?

He looks around, wondering if he should check the town, maybe ask some people if they've seen him recently. He feels himself adjust to the darkness instantly, his senses giving him a better picture of the yard, and the town. His ears prick as a dog snuffs some grass a few houses away. He holds the blanket tighter as a cool breeze blows past him. He doesn't like the idea of Rick out in the cold.

Suddenly, the wind catches his attention and he turns his face into it and inhales deeply. There's something… hmm. _Peaches_.

... 

As it gets darker and the moon comes out, Rick thinks he should probably go back to the house. He's finished his notes and he knows Negan's probably awake by now. But the fireflies have come out and the crickets are chirping and it's so nice here by the river. He leans against the tree with his legs crossed and looks up at the stars through the branches, listening to the river and the bugs. 

... 

As Negan follows the scent, as it becomes stronger and stronger and more _Rick_ as he goes, he can't help but wish he had Lucille with him. Yes, he has a strong sense of smell, but for Lucille, this would be the work of five minutes.

He finds himself in town near the post office and then cutting off behind some of the stores. The grass starts getting higher around him and the evening deepens, the sun quickly sinking below the horizon as he ventures on. He almost loses the scent at one point, but quickly finds it and realizes it's leading him down a trail cut into the grass. He can hear the river nearby, churning as it flows.

Following the path, he gazes at the river as it comes into view. The dark water shines brightly in the moonlight and reflects the fireflies that dance in the air around it. It's a beautiful sight, but not what he's here for.

He takes a deep breath and sighs, looking over to a tree near the river bank. He spots legs sticking out from it and smirks. Moving silently through the shadows, he creeps up behind the tree Rick's leaning against. He moves around to the side and bites his lip, trying not to laugh, as he bends down near Rick's ear and says, " _Boo_."

Rick cries out and jerks away from the noise at his ear, scrambling away and reaching for his gun because what in the world— _oh_. 

Negan is bent over laughing as soon as Rick yells. He shakes and snorts, having found absolutely far too much entertainment in Rick's reaction.

When he realizes who it is, Rick exhales in a rush. 

" _Jesus…_ " he says, wiping at his face. 

Negan looks up and smiles at Rick as he tries to calm down. " _R-Rick_ ," he wheezes. "What were y-you gonna do? _Shoot me_?" He snorts and giggles as he sits down on the ground, taking the spot next to where Rick was.

Rick looks over at Negan, unimpressed, as he laughs at him. "Well, I didn't know who or _what_ you were, now, did I?" he says, annoyed, and a little hurt that Negan thought it would be fun to surprise him like that. If he can't _hear him_ then how is that even fair? He pushes himself up and brushes off, grabbing his stuff and then looking down at Negan flatly. 

"Oh, caro, come on," Negan says softly at Rick's look, his giggles subsiding. He stands quickly, still smiling. "I'm sorry. It was just a little joke. Don't tell me you've never snuck up on someone before." He reaches out and takes Rick's hips softly in his hands, pulling him closer. Rick lets himself be pulled closer, but there's still something… 

Negan cocks his head at Rick, his eyes still twinkling with laughter, but with an apology.

"Yeah, I have, but…" Rick thinks, now, that he knows why he still feels this _tension_ in him whenever… things like this happen with him and Negan. There's still a hesitation to let his walls down. There's still an urge to _wait_ and be cautious. He thinks it's because of everything that happened in the past… _week_. It wasn't really that long ago and he thinks he never really got an explanation from Negan, or an apology. He swallows thickly and looks down, shifting his notebook in his hand before he drops his head onto Negan's shoulder, holding him lightly with his other hand and trying not to let tears escape. He inhales shakily, trying to calm down, and failing. 

Negan frowns. "Rick?" he asks quietly, a soft whine in his throat. "Rick, what's wrong?"

Rick can't help the tears that spill down his cheeks at the words.

"I'm sorry…" Negan says. "I didn't think it'd scare you that bad… Look, caro, I brought you a blanket." He unfolds the blanket he had draped over his arm and quickly wraps it around the smaller man, pulling it tight. Rick shudders and then sighs with relief at the blanket. Negan kisses Rick's head and hugs him. "Rick…"

Rick sniffs and lets out a pitiful whimper at the affection. He lifts his head then and blinks back further tears, his throat suddenly too sore to speak. He wipes his tears on his own shoulder and takes slow breaths. 

Negan feels his heart break at the tears Rick wipes away. Did he do that? Is this his fault? Surely a little jump hasn't reduced Rick to tears…

"Th-thank you," Rick says, swallowing hard and leaning into Negan tiredly. "Um. I'll t-tell you when we get back, alright?" he asks. He just wants to go back to the house. He shivers again and breathes in Negan's heavy, comforting scent, and tries not to think about… everything else. 

As Rick leans back in, Negan holds on tighter, and Rick makes a small noise at the motion. It feels so _good_ to be held that tight. Tears come to his eyes again though he isn't sure why exactly. He exhales shakily when Negan rubs his back. That feels nice too…

Negan swallows tightly at Rick's words. "Rick… now _you're_ scaring _me_." He lets out a ghost of a laugh, not really joking. 

Rick shivers, not understand why _Negan_ would be scared. What does _he_ have to be scared of?

"Please, just tell me you're okay? You're not hurt are you?" Negan asks.

Rick looks into Negan's eyes, thinking that this is such a… deviation… from what happened, from what he was brought back to. He leans back slightly in Negan's arms to look into his eyes, and all he sees is grief and fear there. And it's so… genuine, and caring… Rick just _knows_ that he has nothing to worry about. He doesn't. He trusts Negan. It still hurts… but he knows that Negan cares for him. 

Rick shakes his head. "Yeah, I'm okay." He smiles, a little sadly. "I'm just…" He shakes his head and sniffs. "I'm not hurt or anything." He can feel himself relaxing when he says that. Negan wouldn't hurt him. Negan doesn't want him to be hurt, and that's the most important thing. 

Negan studies Rick, looking into his eyes, bringing a hand to his cheek. Something's going through Rick's mind, but he doesn't know what. He says he isn't hurt but Negan can see pain swirling in his eyes. 

Rick realizes, as Negan looks at him, that maybe he didn't just mean physically hurt, or physically okay… and Rick _does_ want to tell Negan what he's feeling. Well, maybe he doesn't. But he needs to. Just not here. Late at night and in the middle of the dark forest. He leans into Negan's hand on his cheek, needing the contact. 

Negan purses his lips but nods. "Okay, Rick," he says softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. He smells peaches in Rick's blood, and smiles. It's nice. "Alright…" He strokes Rick's cheek gently, feeling his beard. It is getting quite a bit longer than when he'd first seen him. "You wanna go back now?" he asks. "Judith and Olivia are waiting. You had us all worrying a little, you know." He gives Rick a soft smile and Rick hums and nods.

"Yeah. Sorry," he says, shivering and tugging the blanket closer around himself. "I didn't realize how late it was…" Well, he kind of had, but not really. He _had_ forgotten his pocket watch at home… 

He sighs, and unintentionally makes a small, pained noise as he does so, dropping his head onto Negan's shoulder again and tucking close so they're flush. He's so glad he's here. He breathes in Negan's good scent again and feels himself calming down even more. 

" _Shh, shh._ " Negan nuzzles his cheek into Rick's hair and rubs his back. "It's alright. C'mon now." He bends his knees slightly and scoops Rick up, bridal style, still holding him close. Rick cries out when Negan scoops him up, but he grabs onto his neck right away and then it's… nice. 

Negan starts up the path he came down to get here, heading back to the house. Rick hums into the crook of Negan's neck as they go, the rocking motion soothing him even more. He sniffs and wipes the last of his tears onto Negan's shirt, and then sighs, relaxing, watching the creek grove get farther behind them as Negan walks through the tall grass. 

As he gets to the edge of town, Negan keeps to the shadows and any back ways he can go, not wanting to run into anyone while carrying Rick. Rick'd probably die of embarrassment if anyone saw him being carried around.

And Rick is a little nervous, but he trusts Negan to keep them out of sight, which he does. He could just ask to be put down but also… he's enjoying this far too much. Especially when Negan nuzzles his nose into Rick's hair as he walks, smiling. 

"You smell like peaches, you know?" Negan says, and Rick smiles, pleased, as he looks up at him. 

"Oh?" 

"Sweet peaches. It's not… super strong, but it's how I found you. How much of that pie on your table did you have?"

Rick laughs against Negan's neck. "I had a few slices," he says. "You wanted me to eat more sugar, right?" He wants to keep it at a decent level but also it's not like a few more pounds wouldn't do him good. He works hard enough as it so it probably wouldn't stay on anyway. 

"Yes!" Negan says a bit too quickly, grinning. He snorts at his own excitement and rubs his cheek on Rick's head. "Yes," he says, softer. "I appreciate that greatly." He sighs. 

Rick is too good to him. He just hopes that the things he does in return… are enough to repay that kindness. He doesn't know what he would do without Rick, and his little breakdown just now worries him. He just wants Rick to be alright. He wants to show him that he can be good to him, that he doesn't have to worry anymore. He sighs and nuzzles against Rick's hair again, holding him tighter.


	21. Future

At Rick's house, Negan climbs the stairs silently. Rick squeezes his neck and kisses him, sighing as they reach the door and Negan sets him down. 

"Here you are," he says with a smile, and Rick returns it. 

"Thank you," he says gratefully, pausing to lean and kiss him again, this time on the lips. Negan kisses back easily, arms going around Rick's waist and pulling him close. He hums and melts into the embrace. He loves how _normal_ it almost feels.

Whining quietly, Rick sighs and puts one hand on Negan's chest. It's so nice. He likes doing this. It's been so long since he could kiss someone on a regular basis. He hums and leans back, happy, and feeling better from earlier. "Come in," he says, taking Negan's hand and going into the house where Olivia's knitting by the fire. Negan squeezes Rick's hand and grins, looking around. 

"Hello, Miss Olivia. Look who I found," he says with a quiet laugh. Rick snorts. 

"Hey, Olivia," he says, and turns to Negan. "So I was _missing_ , was I?" he asks teasingly. 

"Yes, yes you were," Negan says with mock seriousness, his facade breaking in a second as he smiles and pecks Rick's temple quickly. Rick's wry grin melts into a pleased smile. 

"Hello, Mr. Grimes. Mr. Negan," Olivia says, starting to gather up her things, and Negan glances to her. 

"Is Judith asleep?" he asks, looking around. "And is Carl around?"

"Yes, Judith's asleep and Carl's out," Olivia says, fitting her bonnet on and getting her basket ready, putting her knitting away. "He said something about being over at Enid's." 

"Ah, okay," Rick says. "That would make sense…" He trails off and rubs the back of his head guiltily. He figures that the reason Carl doesn't want to be around is that he and Negan were doing such a terrible job of actually keeping quiet… oops. He doesn't blame the boy, though. 

"Shucks," Negan says, his mouth twisting into a disappointed frown. "Did you talk to him at all today?" 

"I did, briefly at dinner…" Rick replies.

"We were gonna plan out a time for him to come to my place and see my history books. He also wants to ask you if it's okay if he goes hunting and trapping with me some time."

Rick feels a prickle of discomfort. "Oh… uhh… he did mention that…" Rick had pushed it from his mind at the time, thinking that it was just something they'd talk about, but, really, he's not sure if he likes the idea. He knows that it would be safe, but… "Yeah… I'm sure we could figure something out…" he says cautiously, but it's mostly because Olivia is right there. Olivia, he notices, who's wrapped her shawl around herself and probably wants to leave. "Right, Olivia. You probably want to go." He laughs. " _Thank you_ for staying so late," he says, going to her. "Would you like one of us to walk you home?" He glances back to Negan for a second, and Negan turns to her and bows, holding out his hand.

"I would be honored to escort you," he says with a wink. "It's quite dark out, ma'am. I wouldn't want you to be frightened by a stranger in the dark."

Olivia flushes and looks at Negan like he's suddenly grown another head. "Oh no, that's alright, Mr. Negan," she says, catching herself and laughing with a tinkling lilt. "I'm perfectly alright to walk home by myself." She smiles a little nervously. "Thank you very much, though… and I will bid you two a good night." She smiles again and side-steps Negan, going to the door and out, closing it behind her. 

Rick exhales with relief. "I don't know what I'd do without Olivia," he says, chuckling. Negan nods. 

"Yes, I like her," he says. "But, I have a feeling that she isn't particularly fond of me." He chuckles and shrugs and Rick snorts, grinning. 

"Well… she's just a little intimidated by you, that's all," he says with a smile, going to Judith's room. 

Negan watches him go, feeling like he shouldn't intrude. Instead of following he goes to the fireplace and stokes it. He sits down and fidgets with his sleeve as he waits, suddenly feeling like he's imposing. Rick had given him permission to stay the night and the day, but not two. Or had it been unspoken that he can just stay? He wants to go home at some point. He needs to check on Lucille and make sure she hasn't burnt the house down. He hopes she hasn't gotten too cold at night, though it has been warming up recently with the coming summer.

He sighs and watches the fire dance. Maybe he should buy Rick a bigger house so Lucille and him can move in but not be a nuisance. He considers various floor plans as he fidgets and watches the flames.

In Judith's room, Rick smiles as he goes up to Judith's crib, reaching in and stroking her tiny cheek. He sighs. He just wants the best for her. For Carl. 

He isn't sure how Negan fits into their family just yet. He's sure it'll work out, though, somehow. He brushes Judith's hair and leans in to kiss her forehead; she smells like milk. He chuckles and sighs, going out. In the living room, he sees another pleasing sight—Negan by the fire, his shoulders cut by the waistcoat and shirt he's wearing. The soft waves in his hair. Rick sighs and closes Judith's door. 

Negan startles from his thoughts and looks at Rick. He gives him a soft smile. "I played with Judith earlier," he says quietly, glancing back to the fire. "We played with dolls. Had a tea party." He breathes a laugh. "It was fun."

Rick grins and goes over to him, wrapping his arms around Negan's neck and putting his chin on his head. He chuckles. "Aww. That's cute. Emma and Eva, right?" he asks, looking down at Negan with a smile. Negan looks up at him, leaning into him, and smiles. 

"Right! I was Emma." He chuckles and looks back down at the fire. "Olivia supervised if you wanna ask her about it. I think I about made her faint when I picked Judith up without warning." His shoulders shake in a silent laugh. "But Judy said my name, so how could I resist?"

Rick laughs and nuzzles into Negan's hair, kissing him and making Negan smile. "I'm glad she likes you. She can be shy around people she doesn't know."

Negan leans in more, feeling the steady beat of Rick's heart on his back. "Well, I feel honored that she likes me enough to open up," he says, reaching up to run a finger over Rick's hands, tracing his fingers. Rick hums and twitches his fingers under Negan's, moving two to slip them beneath Negan's collar and swirl them around on his cool skin. He likes how soft Negan's skin is. He supposes it's surprising; he's not sure why. He thought maybe since Negan's skin is colder and has less blood then it might be harder or something. He wonders why it's not like that, but he really has no idea. Vampire biology baffles him. 

Humming, Negan tilts his head back, looking up at Rick with half-lidded eyes and giving him more space around his neck to touch. Rick's fingers are like flicks of flame on his skin and he shivers at the sensation. Rick straightens and his eyes dilate at the movement, at Negan's eyes on him. _Whoa_. He smiles and runs a finger up Negan's throat—Negan whines and his mouth falls open slightly _. Oh, Lord!_ —and holds his jaw in a light but secure grip so the crown of Negan's head is pressed against Rick's own ribs. Negan's hands grip onto his knees and he swallows thickly, panting needlessly.

Rick's lips curl up and his other hand goes to undo the second button on Negan's shirt—Negan hums into the grip on his jaw, wondering what that look on Rick's face means—and Rick delves low onto his chest, searching down to swirl over and around his pectoral muscles. Negan _groans_ and closes his eyes, letting Rick explore. He finds that he kind of likes just letting Rick use him as he wants.

Watching Negan's expression, Rick listens to the noises he's making rapturously, his tongue coming out to wet his lip as he strokes Negan's throat with his free fingers. Negan quakes at the touch, involuntary noises escaping him. "R-Rick…" _Fuck. It feels so good._

Rick moves his other digits to tease his nipple. The nub hardens under the pads of his skin and Negan jerks, letting out a half-growl half-moan. Rick smiles, but the dry friction isn't quite what he wants, so he brings his finger out and traces it along Negan's lip, putting just the tip into his mouth. He holds Negan's jaw just a bit more firmly, keeping his head tipped. Negan pants and reaches up to hold onto Rick's sleeve near his shoulder, needing something to ground him. Rick jerks in surprise but doesn't pull away, and Negan whimpers and opens his mouth a bit more, running his tongue over the tip of Rick's finger. He flicks his eyes open to look up Rick, his pupils blown wide with pleasure. 

Rick grins. He delights in the whimpers and moans coming from Negan and can feel himself getting aroused when Negan moves underneath him, jolting and shaking. Rick allows his smile to widen just slightly when Negan looks up at him, electricity in his gaze. It shocks Rick how much he likes being here. In this position, with Negan looking up at him like this, held in place by his warm hands. Negan could move if he wanted, easily, but he doesn't. 

Using the lubrication of Negan's thicker, stickier saliva to rub his thumb smoothly over his lower lip, Rick moves in a bit more to meet and explore Negan's tongue gently, all the while stroking Negan's throat rhythmically and flicking his gaze from his mouth, to his eyes, and back. Negan moans, melting into Rick's touch and blinking up at him. He's shaking minutely, almost vibrating. His hand clenches and unclenches gently on Rick's sleeve as his finger presses deeper inside his mouth. He licks and sucks gently, making sure not to bite. Rick's eyes flicker. _Oh, god._ But he carefully pushes back Negan's tongue with his thumb regardless. 

" _Wait…_ " he says, in the tone of someone telling a puppy to sit for a treat, and just slightly digs his thumb into the soft space under Negan's jaw. Negan's eyes grow wider at Rick's command and he instantly obeys, letting his mouth fall almost slack. 

_Oh, Lord. That's attractive._

He growls with pleasure at the press under his jaw, and waits to see what Rick'll do or what Rick _wants_ him to do. Lord, he'd do anything right now.

When Negan does what he says, the thrill Rick gets is almost overwhelming. He swallows down a whimper and smiles, stroking Negan's beard with the fingers _not_ in his mouth. "Thank you…" he says quietly, breathing just the hint of a laugh, but it's more the giddiness of the situation than anything… And he feels such a _sweep_ of affection for Negan suddenly that it's all he can do just to smile gently in awe and look down at him. 

Rick takes his hand back and wraps his arm around Negan's chest, moving his other hand to stroke his bearded cheek with his thumb gently. Negan purrs and leans into the touch, loving the softness. "You're so good to me," Rick says, and he doesn't mean just now. He means tonight, and he means how Negan's made friends with Carl and Judith, and he means the past few days, and he means how Negan's trying and cares for him, and just… how gentle and genuine he's turned out to be… for the most part. The rest of which Rick doesn't begrudge him for. It's just been… a really nice surprise. 

Negan feels a wave of happiness, and something akin to pride, rush over him from Rick's words. He grins lazily and moves his hand from Rick's arm to his cheek, copying Rick's hand on his own. "Your pleasure is my pleasure," he says. "I want you to be happy, Rick. I care about you, and you're good to me as well." He turns his head and kisses Rick's thumb before looking back up. Rick sighs and hums into Negan's touch. 

"Mmm… I care about you, too," he says, squeezing Negan and kissing his temple, nuzzling him. "I want us to be happy together."

Negan purrs and nuzzles into Rick right back. He feels his unbeating heart flutter. He smiles and draws Rick's lips towards his to place a sweet kiss upon them. "I do too," he says, pressing his forehead against Rick's temple. He sighs contently. "Rick… would you allow me to buy you a bigger house?"

Rick inhales and leans back in shock. "What?" he asks, taking a seat at the table next to Negan smoothly, feeling a little dizzy all of a sudden. Negan whines when Rick leaves him, thinking he scared him off with his proposition, but Rick just looks into Negan's eyes and fidgets a little. "Negan… you don't have to do that…" he says, though his mind is spinning. He thought Negan asking him this was a possibility but, now, faced with it, it's… so much. 

Watching him carefully, Negan considers his words. He's denying him, but his words aren't that strong. Negan thinks he can break him down and get him to say yes. He reaches out, leaning forward and taking Rick's hands in his. Rick squeezes Negan's hands and sighs. He looks into his eyes, studying him for a moment. "Rick, that's why I'm asking you. Would you allow me to?" he repeats. "It would be of no burden to me. Trust me. I just… I want your kids to have a place where they can have their own rooms. A place where… _we_ might have our own room." He smiles. "A place with a little room to breathe."

As Negan talks, Rick feels the tension leave him. It sounds so _good_. He smiles. "I… okay… I'd love that," he says, genuinely. And he would. So, so much. It does sound extravagant—a room for _each_ of the kids? That sounds like a _palace_ … but he can't help but imagine it. 

Beaming, Negan brings Rick's hands up to kiss the backs of both of them, making Rick smile. "Oh! Thank you, Rick!" he says with a laugh. "This'll happen. I promise." Plans are already going through his head. He wants to have it _built_ , and he wants to be in charge of designing it. He wants it to be two levels and he wants a large yard for the kids and Lucille to run around in. Rick'll surely allow her to move in as well. She's much less of a burden than he is anyway.

Negan can't stop smiling as he drops Rick's hands and instead holds his face, bringing him forward and peppering kisses all around it. Rick smiles, but then he remembers, and his face falls. 

"Negan…" he says, "what about Lori?" He looks down. "I already sent her a letter asking her to come. Asking if she can _stay_ …" 

Negan's smile doesn't fade and he brushes Rick's hair behind his ears. "She can have a room too, that's no problem," he says. He bumps his knees on Rick's. He's glad that Rick sent the letter. It means he's serious about traveling with Negan, and that's _fantastic_. "I'd like to have it built, so we can discuss what exactly it needs and have it made to fit. Plus…" Negan cocks his head. "If we're going to travel, it may be more her house than yours." He laughs softly. 

Rick laughs reluctantly. "Yeah, I don't know how she'll feel about moving in with us…" He chuckles. "Or how I'd feel living with _her_ …" He grimaces slightly. "I do want her to be with Carl and Judith if that's what she wants though…"

Negan smiles. "Just think about it, okay?" he says. "It doesn't have to be right this second. We can get some things figured out first," he says with a nod.

"Yeah… Maybe we can have adjoining houses," Rick says with a laugh, and Negan grins. 

"Yes, I like the idea of adjoining houses. That's a good idea."

"Or something. Something so that nobody gets upset at us when we get a little…" Rick coughs, " _loud…_ " He snorts and shakes his head and Negan smirks.

"I like the idea of us getting _loud_." He chuckles and leans in to place a kiss on Rick's cheek. "I _would_ like to be somewhere where we wouldn't have to muffle ourselves…"

"Yeah," Rick says, "I'd like that. I think I'm getting a bit tired of trying to be quiet," he says with a small laugh."But yeah, we'll give it some thought. Talk to her when she gets here, maybe." 

Negan smiles. He's tired of Rick trying to be quiet, too. He leans back and taps his fingers against Rick's knees. "Good. And speaking of remote housing, I think I should go home tonight. After you're asleep, of course. I need to check on Lucille and make sure she hasn't brought my house down." He snorts and traces nonsense shapes on Rick's leg.

"Oh, yeah, of course… go check on Lucille," Rick says, smiling. But he pauses, as Negan traces on his leg. He shivers. He feels kind of bad for wanting this, considering how terrible he is at it, but he'd like for Negan to come back, after… so he can sleep here. But maybe Negan wants to sleep at his house. Rick wouldn't begrudge him that. It is _his house_ after all… 

Negan nods. "Perhaps… you would be inclined to come to _my_ house tomorrow night?" he asks, one side of his mouth quirking up. "There's no one around there to hear us…"

Rick laughs. "That's true," he says, nodding. "But uh, I think I could do that…" He smiles, though it's a little nervous. He knows it's fine to go back there, but also… he spent so long wanting to _leave_ … He swallows and looks away. Negan rubs Rick's knee, sensing his nervousness. 

"Hey, you don't have to," he says gently. "I know that takes you from your kids." He gives Rick a small smile. "I'll be back."

Rick's smile is pained, but he can't help it. "Yeah, I just… yeah." He sighs heavily and puts his hand on Negan's. "Yeah, it might be better if I stay." He thinks that Carl could look after Judith again… but also he doesn't think it's fair to him. And he doesn't think Olivia likes having to stay over at his house overnight. Negan sandwiches Rick's hands between his and leans in to bump his forehead against his softly. 

"That's just fine, Rick," he says. "I'll leave once you're asleep and come back in a couple of days, okay? Spend some time with your family without me here, yeah?"

Rick sighs with relief and leans against Negan gratefully. "Okay. Yeah," he says. "Yeah, I should do that." It's probably a good idea, too. He should have some time with his family. With just them. Work a little more. Figure out what he's going to say to Lori. 

Smiling, Negan kisses Rick's cheek, staying close and breathing him in. He closes his eyes and hums in agreement. Rick sighs, closing his eyes too and enjoying the moment. Enjoying Negan's skin on his. Enjoying their closeness as the fire crackles in the grate beside them. Rick likes being close to Negan. There's a feeling of excitement but also calm that comes over him. It's an altogether deviation from the tension he sometimes felt after Lori left. The loneliness and confusion and anxiety that comes with being effectively an only parent. He can care for the family well enough, but knowing that Negan's good with his kids and is offering to help them out financially, while also being so caring and loving to him personally… it's a lot to process. Which is something he's still doing. He's still processing the time… _before_ , too. He feels like he'll forgive Negan in time. But for now he supposes he's trying to avoid the issue of what happened. He just doesn't want to deal with it unless he has to. 

Negan meanwhile is glad that Rick is considering his house proposal, and he's glad to know that Rick envisions a future with them together in it. Negan knows he's throwing a lot on Rick, and he wants to go back home not only for Lucille's sake. He loves Rick's company, as he assumes Rick does his, but a couple of days apart might be good. Let Rick process everything. Let things settle. Plus, time apart makes the heart grow fonder, does it not?

He soaks up the moment as he soaks up Rick's heat. He has the hint of worry in the back of his mind that Rick's resistance to come to his house isn't just because of his kids. Negan's afraid that Rick associates his home with bad memories.

His stomach drops thinking about how he treated Rick at the beginning… how he hurt and scared him. Negan's not proud of how he acted, and shame swirls in his belly at the memories. To him, it was a blip of time, barely anything, but he wonders just how much time it felt like… feels like… to Rick.

**Author's Note:**

> Find us on tumblr at [milarca](http://milarca.tumblr.com/) / [sweet-andy](http://sweet-andy.tumblr.com/) & [ranebowstitches](https://ranebowstitches.tumblr.com/) ♡


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